Loved For The Better
by loveofwrittenword
Summary: Sequel to "Changed For The Better". •Jasper/Bella•
1. Chapter I

_**Loved For The Better**_

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's Notes: Hello, loves. I hope this chapter finds you all well. And now we begin the sequel to "Changed For The Better". I'm so very excited for this story to begin. I know many were sad and disillusioned with the ending of the last story, but we are starting a new. There will be more fluffiness in this story. I can already feel the sweetness coating my veins, so don't fear. I hope you are all ready for the new ride, and anticipating what time may have in store for our Jasper and Bella . . . and little Cheyenne too.

To all who fear that Bella may not be alive, rest assured she is alive and in the flesh. She will not be an apparition. This story is going to pick up a week after the other one ended. Thanks to all those who reviewed the last chapter of CFTB. It was much appreciated. The comments were all over the spectrum, but each one appreciated in its own right.

Without further ado . . .

**Chapter One**

"_Nothing is worth more than this day."_

_- Johann von Goethe _

21 November – Saturday – Jasper's POV

As I sat in the nursery holding Cheyenne, my ears listened to the sounds of the drops hitting the paneled windows. My mind wandered over how water was such an essential part of the circle of existence. Water made up fifty-five to seventy-eight percent of the fragile human body depending on the person's size. Something that fell so steadily outside is what made Bella and the little and the little girl that was staring up at me, essential. Water was something one played in, something one used to quench a thirst, something one used to bath in, something one romanticized about, and something one needed more desperately than anything but air to survive. Water no longer played a role in my body, except for the blood that coursed through my venom coated veins. The sound of the rain tinkling on the glass brought me back to a conversation Bella and I had about her past. I looked away from the little beauty that was watching me intently and spoke to my father, my comforter.

"You know, Bella once said to me that ". . . _when it rains, it pours buckets_." I was never sure what those words meant, and now that I do, I like the ignorance that came with them." My father put his hand on my shoulder and gave it a consoling squeeze. He didn't respond because – unlike me – he had understood what those words meant.

I looked down into my arms again and stared at the little miracle. She was so beautiful. Her blond wisps of hairs were matted to her little forehead, and her pink fluttering eye lids were pulled over the blue eyes that every child was born with. But I had a feeling when she was older and the newborn-blue faded, it would still be blue, however, lighter. She had finally decided to close her little eyes, and find peace in the world that sleep offered. I raised her to my lips and couldn't help but kiss her chubby baby skin. I closed my eyes like she had done and ran the tip of my nose over her new and warm flesh.

Cheyenne was so cuddly and soft. When placed in my stone arms, she settled down and watched me as if I were the greatest thing in her world. She may have been only a week old, but her emotions were real, and I could feel her love for me. The other emotions she exhibited came unbidden and with a purity that kept me staggering. Who would have known that such a little body could pack such an emotional punch? I felt her love the most when she heard my voice and wanted me to hold her. Oh yes, she knew who I was and if I was holding her or not. It was funny, at times she would protest if I wasn't holding her. With mostly everything that involved Cheyenne, it simply amazed me that she could even find that love and that need for such a creature as me. She must have received her mother's gene that made her attract vampires instead of the natural reaction, which constituted fear.

Her little mouth opened and she let out a big yawn before she stretched her tiny arms and situated her little body in her-self proclaimed bed: my arms. I felt so proud of her in that moment because she had released a yawn that made her beyond adorable, pulling at my soul. I knew she was already my sovereign and I was lost to her. I had the reputation of being feared and revered because of my part in the Southern Wars, yet here was this six pound child in my arms making me soft and a puddle of goo. I wondered if all males felt this way when a little fairy was placed into their waiting, but apprehensive limbs. From the other emotions amongst the waiting fathers in the room, I would say that was affirmative. I blocked out their emotions and only focused on my Cheye Beauty.

"I should have realized Bella was having a little girl, Carlisle. Cheyenne had this pull over me, even from inside Bella's tummy. It seems like little angels know the path to my dead heart. Who would have known, hmm?"

Cheyenne grabbed onto my index finger. I knew it was a natural reaction for babies to grab onto something, but it still felt amazing. I wondered what she was dreaming of and if I ever played a role in her land of nod.

"That they do, son, but especially the _little love_ here."

I wasn't the only one whom Cheye had captured so fully. Carlisle had to be dragged from her side because he was always reluctant to leave. She was his little love, and he already cherished her. Damn, she was going to be spoiled beyond belief.

"She is beautiful, Jasper," my father said from beside us as he ran his hand over hers that clung to my own. "Do you know what really is something, son, something that I cannot seem to wrap my head around or even fathom?" I hesitantly took my eyes from the beauty in my arms and focused them on my mentor.

"What would that be, Carlisle?"

"She looks so much like you, it's almost eerie."

I took his words in and let them wash over me. Of course I knew Cheyenne wasn't mine in a biological sense, but she was mine in every way that mattered. My love for her was like the love I felt for her mother: pure and never ceasing. Her eye lids fluttered, and I wondered what my little Cheye Beauty was thinking and dreaming of. Her cheeks were pink, and her face held all the innocence of someone of her tender age. I wanted to believe Carlisle's words. How could I not want her to look like me? It was more compliment than I had ever deserved.

"She's too precious for that, Carlisle." He let a light chuckle escape from his mouth as he continued to stare at Cheye with love radiating from his eyes.

I could feel his need in wanting to hold and protect her. I felt those desires and recognized them because they were the exact things I felt in her regard.

"Oh, ye of little faith, my son." And to that I could not reply. "Look at those blond curls on her beautiful head. Look at the color, Jasper." I did as he said and could see they almost resembled my colored curls, but that was just one thing that she and I shared. "Observe the fairness of her skin. She is a pale little creature. Some would call her coloring alabaster, but she is very fair skinned, son. It is also extraordinary when one looks at her nose, it's almost resembles yours."

Again I looked over her scenic little features, thinking about what my nose looked liked. I wanted more than so many things to admit that she in fact did have my nose, and my blonde hair, and my fair skin. But I knew in admitting those things, I would be claiming something I didn't contribute to. That wasn't fair to her biological father. I also wasn't sure how Bella would have reacted to such statements.

A tear came to my eye when I thought of her mother. She had been broken and in such pain. My angel's heart had stopped beating, and that act alone had taken her from me. Even if it was for a mere thirty seconds, it was a time, in which, I couldn't reach out to save her. She had been beyond my control and touch. I thought I had suffered when learning she had been in an accident. That had failed in comparison to what I felt when I couldn't hear her essential life organ keeping her alive and here with me.

A voice full of happiness pulled me from my mind and into the present. "Jasper, Bella's about to wake." I followed the sound of the voice and saw Peter standing in the doorway.

My breathing stopped. I could feel my body become tense with anxiety. This was the moment I had been waiting for. Bella had been unconscious for a week after her heart stopped. I felt more dreaded tears soak my eyes as I thought of that one horrific moment, where I truly stopped existing.

Cheye started to stir in my arms and I immediately relaxed my body, trying not to wake or stress her further. She had already felt enough of my sad emotions. I never wanted to affect her in such a negative way; she was precious and something to be protected.

"I just thought you might like to know. You have about ten minutes." I looked to him, pushing my thankfulness to him. "It's never a problem, brother," he answered my unspoken gratitude.

I gently swayed from side to side, lulling my Cheye Beauty back to sleep. I could feel her falling further down as I ever so easily gave her my love. I was always careful never to overwhelm her, but letting her and wanting her to feel safe in my adoration.

I looked to Peter again and opened my mouth to speak, but he obviously knew what I was going to ask. "For the millionth time, Jasper . . . I just know sh –"

"You will not finish that statement if you want to survive and know what is good for you!" Carlisle growled. I had to struggle to hold in my laughter. He had become so protective over Cheyenne. Peter gulped, but swallowed nothing but air. I could literally feel some of his fright.

"Sorry, Carlisle, I never meant to offend." He held up his hands in defeat.

"After all, how would Charlotte react if she heard about your language in front of an innocent?"

Damn, Carlisle knew how to hit below the belt and I was more than proud of him. Everyone who knew Peter, knew the way to control him was threatening to tell his better-half about his antics. His fear doubled and this time I could not contain my laughter. I kept it low, not wanting to wake the little one in my arms. Her little body rose and fell with each breath she took, and I cuddled her innocence closer to me.

Peter growled at me, but I could have cared less. His reaction to Charlotte's name was always too funny. One look from Carlisle and he ducked his head and cleared from the room. My father laughed at Peter's reaction and his pride swelled. "The old man still has it!" he regaled himself.

I placed a kiss to Cheyenne's forehead and let her scent surround me. She smelled like the mist of clouds: fresh and pure. I cleared the remaining stinging wetness from my eyes, trying to prepare myself to meet Bella again. I could feel the fear and anxiousness invade my body again. I didn't know what to expect, but I knew more than anything, I needed to be with my angel, touching her.

"Do you mind holding her, Carlisle? I need to be there with Bella when she awakes. I want to see the life in her eyes as they open. I just need it, Carlisle!" I pleaded for his understanding.

I didn't want him to think I was abandoning Cheyenne for Bella. It was a choice I simply could never make. I would split myself in two – like King Solomon had proposed – before I ever made that choice.

"Don't be obtuse, Jasper," Carlisle said in an exasperated voice. "I always welcome the chance to hold my little love. Go to your Bella and give her my love."

"Thanks for everything, father, most especially for keeping me together and reminding me of Cheyenne when I felt my world fall apart. I felt like there was nothing in this life to hold me together. I just have to have Bella in my existence. It doesn't work or function without her."

He gave me a sympathetic smile, already knowing these words, but never disparaging me for them. I turned around and made my way out of the nursery after I gently handed over the precious package.

"I love you, Cheyenne," I whispered at a vampire's level. I knew she wouldn't hear me, but I said it nonetheless.

The attending nurse smiled at me and I smiled back as I left. They had all come to know me because I hardly ever left my beauty side. I visited Bella when I had the chance, but knew I was of no use to her. I would tell her of my love and my patience in waiting for her to return to her daughter and me, but I never got a response.

The first day of her being unconscious, I stayed by her side, never wanting to leave her alone and in her perpetual darkness. Peter was the one to finally break me down.

"_Bella loves you, Jasper, but you are needed elsewhere."_

_I ignored his words and refused to take my eyes from my angel. _

"_It's time to start acting like the being you have become, brother. Stop this moping bullshit, and be the man I know you to be." His anger finally got the better of him as he all but growled his words. I could feel my own ire rise. Who was he to lecture me on a situation he knew nothing about?_

"_You have no idea what you speak of," I hissed over my shoulder. I wondered how he didn't turn into dust from my heated glare._

"_Who are you to presume about whom I am or what I should be? The person that means the most to me died before my fucking eyes. I listened as her heart stopped beating, and knew I could not touch her. She was no longer mine to save; I had never felt so desolate in my entire existence. I cannot put into words what it felt like when she left me behind. You cannot even comprehend what it felt like, and I would never wish that pain on you, brother, because it is something that suffocates you. It takes away everything from you slowly and leaves you more than an empty shell. Time stops and the only thing you are able to associate with is the pain that is trying to rip you apart. I don't tell you these things for your condolences or pity. I tell you because it's the reason I can't leave her. She fell from me once, and I just cannot fathom not having her with me," I finished in a whisper; my voice had all but deserted me. _

"_I may not have lost Charlotte to death, Jasper, and I may not remember my human family and their passing, but I know loss. It amazes me that you can say I don't know what I speak of when the very vampire sitting in front of me died many times over. I was there to witness. I know I'm not Mary fucking sunshine, Jasper, but I do have emotions and I can feel. I watched you die a little bit each time you took another life to sustain yours. I watched you die as that bitch took away another bit of your life by making you fight in her useless war. I watched you drown in your depression inch by inch as you struggled to find yourself and a way to survive. I comforted Charlotte as she mourned for you after your lovely ex-wife dumped your ass. I watched the light leave your eyes, time after time. I've lost, brother, and I've felt that pain you described. I may not have shown you that side of me, but it doesn't mean I never felt it. So before you speak again of things I don't know, you may want to get your damn facts correct."_

_I could feel the truth with each word he spoke, and my guilt doubled. I never knew Peter had felt any of those things on my behalf. I wondered how I had never felt those emotions coming from him, and could only conclude I was lost in my own world and not worried about how he was affected. We never really spoke of our emotions together, but I was never doubtful about what he felt for both Charlotte and me. We were his family, and he always protected what was his. _

"_I'm sorry –" I started to apologize, but was cut off. _

"_Save the apology, Jasper. I know you're sorry. It's written all over your ugly face." _

_I couldn't help but laugh. Leave it to Peter to bring humor into my austere life. _

"_I have to act like a woman because you seem to have lost your balls somewhere. My own are about to desert me for speaking such sentiment. It's time to man-up, brother, and take responsibility."_

"_I know that already, Peter. It's just almost impossible to leave her alone. I already failed her once. How could you ask me to again?" He rolled his eyes, and I became angry by his untactful response. _

"_Don't even speak, Jasper. I would hate for you to have to eat your words again." He smirked and I rolled my eyes. "You are more baked in the head – than I already suspected – if you think what happened to Bella was in any way your fault. I would love to know how you have the power to control when someone's heart stops without biting them. You have been keeping some talents hidden from me, Jasper." _

_He wagged his finger in my face. I had the desire to rip it from his hand. I'm sure he could manage to please himself with only four fingers._

"_It was just something that happened to her. You didn't cause her to do anything, brother. You couldn't even try and restart it – that wasn't your job and you would have only gotten in the way. You were too emotional and completely useless. You did the only thing you could do for her, and allowed the right people to give her what she needed. They were able to save her, Jasper. They gave her back to you and her daughter. Learn to be grateful for the things you have, and not mourn for the things that could have been. I know these words are cruel, but you need to wake the hell up!" he almost yelled, reaching his breaking point. _

_I looked at my oldest friend and for the first time since he had arrived, took the time to read the worry in his face. I could feel his emotions as they surrounded me. They asked me to do something his words didn't. They pleaded and begged me to do what was necessary and to come out of my depression, to give Bella my love, but to also give her my strength. I reached for him before he had a chance to run and placed my arm around his shoulder. _

"_Thanks, Peter," were the only words I say._

_He spoke again and his final words were the ones that finally broke me for good and caused me to start living again. _

"_Cheyenne is in need of you more, Jasper. Carlisle said she only seems to be comforted by you. She is innocent, brother. She hasn't done anything wrong, except love you. How could you deprive her of what she needs?" _

_His words pierced my soul, bringing it to its knees. I knew he was right, and the guilt of ignoring Bella's daughter started to eat away at what was left of me. I had caused distress to a baby because I couldn't leave her unconscious mother. Again, I felt torn between the two, as if fate was making me choose._

"_Bella would forgive you, Jasper, for not being at her side all the time. What do you think is more important to her: the comfort of her daughter or herself?" _

_I already knew the answer to the question and chose not to reply. My sleeping angel had not moved since I had been by her side. Her eye lids didn't even flicker. I wondered if I would ever see her jade-speckled eyes again, then scolded myself for such horrid thoughts. Bella was a fighter and would pull through, for both Cheyenne and me. It was just difficult at times, seeing her broken and unmoving body in her hospital bed._

"_There are others here to help watch over her. Give them a chance to help you, Jasper. They are more than willing. Carlisle also may have mentioned that if you didn't get your moping ass into see his little love he was going to drag said ass over there and make you sorry for it later." I let out a faint chuckle at Peter's exaggeration and half truth. _

_I knew Carlisle would come and get me, but not using those words to his son that was feeling overwhelmed and lost. He hated to see me suffer, but it seemed now he hated to see Cheyenne suffer even more, which was more than appropriate. _

"_Could you give me some privacy? Also could you tell Carlisle I'll be in the nursery in about ten minutes?" A smug smile broke out on his face, but I knew he was also happy someone had finally broken through the walls I had put around Bella and myself. _

_Peter left the room without a sound and I turned back to my angel._

"_I know you heard his words, Isabella. I'm sorry for neglecting Cheyenne. It's just so difficult to leave you to the unknown. Peter has tried to tell me you're going to be fine, but I refused to listen. I didn't think I had the strength to leave your side, angel. I'm still so reluctant to leave you, but I know if you were awake you would puff up like a little wet kitten and try to scold me for not being with Cheyenne." _

_A grin broke onto my lips as I pictured the image in my mind; what a beautiful picture it truly presented. _

"_I will still come and visit you, angel, because I love you, but the majority of my time is going to be spent with Cheyenne." I felt a tear in my heart at the thought of being separated from Bella, but I knew she needed my strength. "But while I'm gone I need something from you. I require for you to become well again. Please hear my plea, angel, and become better." _

_I buried my face in her tangled curls and allowed my lips to brush the warm skin of her neck. I gave one more kiss to her cheek before I pulled back. _

"_I love you, Isabella, and I'll be here when you finally awake. I promise you." _

_I pulled my hand from her, knowing if I didn't do it now then I wouldn't have the power to do it later. I walked away from her, never letting my eyes fall from her face. When I reached the door I exhaled a rush of air, and pulled all the courage I felt. _

"_I'll come back, Isabella. I know you will also, angel." I left those words in the room as I rushed away from her and to the little one that seemed to require my attention and presence. _

I pulled myself out of that time and looked over to the sleeping angel beside me. Isabella's soft brown hair fell around her face. It looked like silk. Rose brushed her hair twice a day because it was something she could do for her unconscious friend. She also spent a lot of her time with Cheyenne, but also spent a lot of her time with Bella. The hospital was threatening to make us vacate the nursery because there were too many of us in with Cheyenne. However, after a conversation, in which they conveniently overheard about the sizeable donation we were going to make to the maternity ward and nursery, they became more accepting and accommodating. Rose sure knew how to use her skills. It had been a brilliant idea.

In the beginning of their friendship I had thought that Rose only loved Bella because of her child, but I was proven so very wrong. Rose had stayed with Bella in the hospital room when I couldn't. She loved her when I couldn't give her my love. I felt ashamed of my previous thoughts and my unfair judgment of my sister.

My family, except Carlisle, was guilty of judging Rose and thinking of her coming up short of our standards. I wanted to apologize to her for such horrid thoughts, but she just smiled and said it was my punishment for not telling Bella of my past. She knew the guilt I had felt in judging her and deemed I had suffered enough. I was both relived and humbled by Rose's easy forgiveness. I knew both Cheyenne and Bella caused a change in her life. Cheyenne, especially, seemed to make her more approachable.

I remembered a few days ago when I had gone to visit Bella. I was letting Rose have a break so she could spend time with the little one and I needed to be in my angel's presence. I stopped short of the door way when I heard Rose crying at Bella's side. I knew it was wrong of me to easy drop, but Rose's pain pulled me in.

"_. . . and you easily accepted me, Bella, without any preconceived notions or reservation. I'm not sure why you are that kind of person, but all I can say is thank you to whom ever made you like that. I would never lie to you and claim to be a saint. I'm a bitch and probably always will be. I'm vain and big enough to admit I'm enamored with my looks. It is what always defined me and made me different than everyone else. It's shallow and kind of sad, but there you have it, Bella, the truth in all its messed up glory."_

_She paused and I could hear her trying to gather herself from her errant emotions. I could also hear the gentle sound of Rose stroking Bella's skin with her own, maybe trying to find that warmth I found when Bella and I touched. _

"_But when we first met you saw the soul I couldn't see and saw my needs as if I had voiced them to you. I don't think I've ever been judged in such a fair and kind way. Of course, you saw my beauty, but more importantly, you saw some beauty within me that I keep hidden from others. I was hurt a long time ago, which you already know and I hate being hurt, Bella. I close myself off and just allow others to think what they will. Yes, sometimes it hurts, but I just let it go because I choose to be this way. But you, honey, refused to see me as such. You put my hand on your stomach and shattered all those walls. And in that one moment, you were able to change me. I know I'm still a bitch, but not as much and I know some people see that." She gave a little laugh._

"_Both you and Carlisle were the only ones to never harshly judge me. Emmett doesn't really count – he couldn't help but love his Rosie. Carlisle saw what I had become after what happen to me. He knew I was a broken little girl inside. How you were able to see that, I will never know. Even Esme has been harsh with me when Edward and I fought, but I don't hold that against her. She is the mother I have now and I love her. She just loves Edward differently than the rest of us. He was her first child, and he loved her fiercely in return." Rose let out a shaky breath. _

"_Thanks for accepting me, sister. It's nice to know that even though I can be a monster, there is someone who can see what I have hidden inside, and unconsciously challenge me to become better."_

_I could hear Rose breathing roughly from the emotions. She tried to control them, but they refused to leave until they ran the gambit. I waited in silence until she regained some of her composure and started again. _

"_Jasper is lost without you, honey. He needs you to come back. I'm honest when I say that he needs you more than anyone else, including Cheyenne. That may sound harsh, but it's true. I know no one would ever be able to replace your role and love in Cheyenne's life. I also know she needs her mother, but she is being well taken care of, Bella. She is surrounded in so much love, I'm afraid she will go through with withdrawals if left alone. We all take shifts with her and she is never left unattended by someone in the family. Even Emmett has stayed with her, under my supervision, don't fret, honey." I held in my chuckle at her response. _

"_But Jasper, Bella, could never be without you. Someone of your worth in his life could never be substituted with another's love. It just doesn't work that way with my dear brother. He has been a little demon," I could feel the fondness in her voice as she called me such a name, "and a hellcat in his past, but damn that boy has changed for the better. His every breath he breathes is centered on you. I know it may be unhealthy the way he loves and depends on you, Bella, but we are not human. Our capacity to love is more and all consuming. We rarely change, but when we do it takes a hold of us and makes us constant. His love for you is like that, and even though it may scare you when you see and feel those immense depths, you are wrong and it is too late. He already cemented your place in his very body and everything that is in said body. You may be thinking what all of this has to do with anything, but it does, honey." Her voice started to shake again with pent-up emotions. _

"_I need you to wake up and I need you to be fine. I miss and love you, Bella. But Jasper dies a little each day he cannot look into your eyes and see your spirit. He needs that connection with you. I also need you to do what we talked about before all of this happened. I know you remember, Bella." _

_I was beyond intrigued about what Rose was talking about and wanted to know, but she didn't elaborate. _

"_I love you, Isabella, but my brother loves you so much more. I love Jasper also, and even with my immense capacity to love, I know you love him more than me, which is difficult to admit but it's still the truth." I could hear Rose place a kiss on Bella's skin and pull away. _

"_Jasper's outside and waiting to relieve me, but his curiosity got the better of him. I don't hold it against him; we are all nosey at some point or another." Her voice was filled with humor and I felt my embarrassment spike._

_I heard her walk out of the room, and before she past me, she put her cold hand to my cold face and gently brushed the skin under my eye. "I do forgive you, brother, for whatever you think you are guilty of." I went to ask her how she already knew what I had been thinking, but she answered before I could speak, "It's written all over your face. I realized you were out here when I began to talk of you, but I still wanted you to hear. I do love you, my twin. I meant every word I said to her."_

_She replaced her hand with her lips and gave me a gentle kiss under my right eye before she left me to Bella. _

Rose had proven to me that day she was so much more. I always knew there was more to her, but she hid it so well, and it took a pregnant human with a big thumping heart to help unleash a little of that potential and untapped love. I smiled down at my angel and pushed my pride to her. I always thought Bella was too amazing to be hidden. Her light and goodness needed to be unleashed so that people could see what she had to offer. I knew not everyone would always like her or want to know her, but that was their problem. I always knew she was a fallen angel and her affect over people just proved my point.

Bella's hand was lying on the bed next to her still form. I picked it up and allowed our connection to flare inside of me. I would never tire of the warm feeling I got in my body from both her and Cheyenne. I had never missed the feeling of warmth because the weather never affected me, but as I became addicted to Bella's touch, I had missed what it created in me.

It was only a short time until she would awake. Her cheeks were beautifully flushed from her week long rest and her hair shined from the harsh light cast by the fluorescents. I slowly bent over and inhaled her glorious scent. I gently placed my longing lips to hers that hadn't moved in a while and put a little pressure. I shouldn't have kissed her while unconscious, but I wanted to feel her breath on my skin as it came from her body. Her lips were a little chapped from the dryness, but they still felt tender against mine. I brought her pouty bottom lips in between mine and lovingly kissed it.

And then as if she knew I was here and touching her, Bella's eyes gradually opened. With my lips still on hers, they turned up and into a tired but contended smile.

My angel had finally awoken and she responded so delicately – with her lips on mine and in her scratchy voice – said, "Love you, Jasper."

"My angel, I love you also." I had finally woken up too.

* * *

Author's Notes Continued: Yay . . . the first chapter. It took me a while to write this chapter. I was in my groove with the other story that it was difficult to switch. I know it may just be an extension of "Changed For The Better", but in my mind it's a completely new story. It takes me a while to get into a groove when starting a new story, so I'm sorry if this chapter may have seemed a little off balance. I did enjoy writing it through. I wanted to show how difficult it was for Jasper to leave Bella even though he also wanted to be with Cheyenne. I also wanted to show that Rose loves Bella in her own right and not just because of Cheyenne. They have a special friendship, built on their mutual love, Cheye was just the catalyst.

So now I ask you to tell me your thoughts. Was it too mushy? Were you able to feel the emotions or was the writing lack-luster? I did struggle with this chapter, but hope you were able to feel a modicum of what I was trying to express in the writing. My goal for this story if six hundred reviews. I ask all who are willing to please help me fulfill that goal. It would me so very much.

I hope all is well with everyone. Thanks again for all the support and I look forward to this story. Much love as always, darlings. Don't forget that those who review get a sneak peak . . . just a little thanks. :)

_Posted: 28 October 2010_


	2. Chapter II

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's Notes: Hello loves, all notes will be at the end of the chapter. I hope you like this chapter, even though it wasn't a favorite of mine. A worm infected my computer and crashed everything. I wanted to cry, but it wouldn't change anything. I just ask that you have patience with me as I try and rewrite everything again. :*(

**Chapter Two**

"_Oh, that it were possible, after long grief and pain, to find the arms of my true love, around me once again."_

_- Alfred, Lord Tennyson _

21 November – Jasper's POV

"I love you, Isabella."

The words flew from my mouth like a comet flew across the night sky. And then without warning I finally caved into my angel's arms. My body fell onto the side of her bed, and I felt her tiny arms tiredly reach for me. I willingly went to where she wanted to lead; I had no self preservation where Bella was concerned. What she wanted I gave, what she needed I relented. I may have used tricks on her to get my own way, but if she really wanted something I would have given into her freely and assuredly.

I allowed all of the hurt and pain I felt in her leaving me wash over my tense body. My last bit of strength had deserted me and left me a being crying into the arms of a woman I always wanted to be strong for. The severity of the pain I felt was countered by her loving arms around me. The venom in my eyes burned beyond belief, but I knew I could no longer hold in my emotions. I had been strong for the last week because Cheyenne needed me, but I had also needed Bella, and now I had her back. My body shook as emotion after emotion raged like hell through my dead muscles.

_Affliction_ – never thinking I would hold Bella to me again. _Agony_ – thinking I would never feel her warm hand on my face or see her green speckled eyes light up with love. _Distress_ – at having to tell her daughter I couldn't save her mother when it had really mattered. _Torment _– knowing my soul would never be whole again, and forever losing that piece I had carried with me in the darkest times of my existence. _Torture_ – having the person who meant the most to me never being by my side and watching her grace and beauty light up those around her. _Pain_ – never being able to touch her skin and know the flush that came to her flesh was caused by me. _Heartache _– for never telling her the way I felt.

All of these were things I had suffered and thought in times when I couldn't control my emotions; It was at times that I didn't have a part of Bella in my arms, looking at me as if I were her world, her blue eyes showing me her innocence.

"Never leave me again, angel!" I begged her over and over as she patiently ran her fingers through the curls on my head. I should have gotten a doctor, but I wanted my angel, and I wanted to physically know she was here and touching me. "You can't leave me again, baby," I cried in a small voice like a child who had been deprived of the love of his parents.

"You can't leave me, baby," I whispered again as I turned my face into her neck and kissed the flesh under my lips. My tears started to lessen but the massive amount of pressure I felt from my emotions was very present, I felt like I was going to suffocate in my own body. Bella's touch went a long way to extinguishing those rampant emotions, but even that couldn't abate them all.

Bella's small hands left my hair and took shelter on my face that was hidden in her neck. She tried to push my face back but she didn't have the strength. I complied with her wishes and pulled away so she could see me, see the wretched man that I was. I knew my eyes were dark from the things that I had felt in losing her and the dark amber she loved was gone. My eyes resembled the black hole that wanted to consume, never allowing me to see the light of day.

I was ashamed for being so weak when she now needed me, but my emotions couldn't be controlled in that moment; I was lost. They needed some release, and Bella telling me of her love has done just that. Just hearing my angel's voice had tipped the precarious scale that I was already slightly balanced on. Down I fell like a bird with a broken wing.

I placed my head on the side of her pillow that her own head rested on. I reached for the hand, which lay there tenderly and brought it to my mouth. I kissed her bandage where the IV was connected into her fragile skin. My lips sealed my love and devotion for her, as Bella's heartbeat thumped in her wrist. I took our combined hands and traveled the length of my face, reveling in her touch.

Her fingers traced my chin, nose, forehead, and eyebrows. With my guidance she traced my cheeks, eyelashes, and the contours of my cheeks. Her eyes watered as I continued escorting her hand along the planes of my face. I reached out to her with my gift and blanketed her in my love and thankfulness for coming back to me. The intensity and the need in her eyes with which she watched me were matched by my own. We blocked out the sounds and glaring lights around us and lived for each other. It may have been for a few moments, but it was our time. The intimacy spoke for itself. A small tired smile stole over her lips and her eyelids fell a little due to her lack of strength to keep them open for long.

I felt as my emotions started to take over again as I watched my angel fight to stay with me. An unexpected sob tore from my throat as I watched her struggle.

"Shh, baby," she spoke softly through her arid throat. Her smile became bigger and her cheeks flushed with her life source.

She stroked my lips with the pads of her thumbs. Bella's lids fluttered opened and showed her fatigued eyes. "No more tears, Jazz."

I nodded my head to give her my silent approval. "Tell me you love me," she whimpered as her own eyes started to glisten with her watered tears. Her voice sounded so drained and I knew not where she got the strength to talk, but I wanted to put her at ease.

"Look to me, angel," I murmured in her face, knowing she felt the breath that came from my mouth.

I pushed as much strength as I dared to her weak body, not wanting to overtax her. When I knew I had her undivided attention, I stared into the eyes I could never resist and gave her what she asked for and what I wanted to say, "I love you, Isabella; always, angel."

"I missed you, Jasper. I'm sorry for leaving you." It was my time to shush her.

There was time later to talk about such matters. I never blamed Bella for her heart stopping, and I never would. She had fought and had come back to me. I wrapped my arms around the small of her back, entwining my legs with hers. I wanted my body to touch every part of hers. I was hers after all, and my body wanted contact with its possessor. I buried my face back into her neck, letting her warm skin surround my head. Her hair cascaded over me and I didn't try to push it away, I let it drape over me, hide me from the horrors that had taken place.

"No apologies, angel, just our love. Please just feel my love for you." She nodded her head and the skin on her face that touched my cheek rubbed with mine and caused friction between us.

I gently pushed my love to her and accepted what she had to offer. It was immeasurable and spoke to my shattered heart. We both held onto each other, letting our bodies find comfort in the other, and allowing our souls to reconnect to its counterpart. I knew Edward believed that vampires didn't posses souls, but he was sadly mistaken. If he could have felt how our souls colluded together, he would never doubt.

Her breathing started to even out again as it brushed over my flesh. I knew she was sleeping again, but this time I didn't mourn for her loss. She was getting better and her body was strengthening.

"I'm so in love with you, Bella, and I promise when you are a little bit better, I will tell you about that love. Just get better, angel," I spoke so only a vampire would be able to hear.

My lips wanted to touch hers and speak of that love over and over again. However, I would have cheated her if I uttered them while she was still too weak to appreciate them. I wanted her to look at me with her love shining back and run into my arms as she knocked me over with her force. I wanted to stand in the sun with her and watch as its rays worshipped her skin as I spoke my love to her. I wanted to have Cheyenne laying on my chest as her mother rubbed her tiny back as I spoke my love to her. I wanted Bella's body under mine as she rubbed her skin against me I told her of my love. These were things I imagined and craved. It was the moments that deserved to hear of my being in love with her.

What we shared now was beautiful in its own right, but it was a time for her to heal and be comforted in my gentle love for her, not the intensity of my being in love with her. Our time would come and when it did I knew it would be glorious and breathtaking because Bella created moments like that in my life with just the graze of her finger against my face.

My lips touched her neck once more and became still as I listened to her heart beating once again. Our time together had been brief and filled with staggering emotions. She had spoken to me and asked for my love. She still needed me as much as I needed her. I was still scared and would always carry that fear with me, but for now she was still here; her body touching mine, solid and warm. It was all I wanted in that particular moment, and for once it seemed like fate smiled down on us as we held onto one another, one in the state of sleep and the other in the state of peace – finally.

...

Jasper's POV

"How is she doing, Jasper," Carlisle asked from the door way.

I removed my face from Bella's neck and looked at my father leaning against the door frame. I wondered who had gotten him away from his little love. I smiled at the big teddy bear he became, even more so around Cheyenne. As the muscles in my face stretched, they ached. This never really happened to me because my body didn't get tired, but yet my face was sore. "It's wonderful to see you smile, Jasper, I mean really smile."

"She came back to me, Carlisle," I whispered as I removed Bella's bangs from her forehead, and replaced them with my warmed lips. "She asked for my love and tried to apologize for something she had no control over. Have you ever heard of such an absurd notion?"

I looked at my angel in amusement for the first time in what seemed like a while. She had given me something to find amusement in, and I loved her all the more for it. I gave another indulgent kiss to her forehead before I pulled back and looked to my silent mentor.

"What are you thinking, Carlisle?"

His eyes lost that glazed look he got when thinking of something smart or complicated.

"I'm so pleased to see you more relaxed, Jasper. I know you may still have that fear and anxiety within, but it's still wonderful to see you return to my son."

Once again I had underestimated Carlisle in regards to what he felt for those he considered his children. I had been so focused on Bella, Cheye, and myself that I never realized his lingering sadness, especially on behalf of Cheye and the possibility of her losing her mother. Those were the most intense emotions that I had been feeling from him as I lay beside my angel with her body touching mine.

"Don't feel useless guilt, Jasper. Your attention and time was centered on the right person. Cheyenne is more important than your old man. I just wanted you to feel my concern for your family, Jasper. What's yours is mine, son." And that was Carlisle, the eternal father and lover of family; the greatest cheerleader with the biggest heart and capacity for love, sans Bella.

"I know, father, and how could I ask for anything better in my life? All I ever wanted was what you and Esme have. Your love shines brighter than any filament could ever produce. You both create such an example for us to follow and to live by. When I look at my angel, Carlisle, I see that life beside hers," I softly spoke so only he could hear.

My hands entwined in her hair as I spoke of my feelings for her. I was still scared of Bella's reaction and her possibility of rejection. Everyone may have thought I was the most self-assured person because I could feel emotions of those around me, but sometimes that made things worse.

"I would love to reassure you, my son, but that is her job. I have seen the way she looks at you and the adoration that fills her eyes when she does. I've seen the touches between the two of you, the yearning looks of what can be. She gazes at you as if you are her sun, Jasper. You give her something to live for that is essential to her well being. It's like the sun that nourishes all living things: you give her something she needs to exist. You may disparage my flowery words, but it is the best example I could think of on such short notice."

He winked before he let out a small laugh. His words may have been on the romantic side and filled with sweet nothings, but they had an effect on me. He was correct when he said that Bella's love and assurance was something that only she could give to me, but my mentor's observations were comforting nonetheless.

"I love you, Carlisle," He gave me a look of surprise at my unexpected announcement.

Venom clouded his eyes, and I knew he was letting my love fill him. There had been a time that I was uncomfortable expressing my love to him, and really anyone else that wasn't Alice, but my family had given me their reassurance over and over again.

As I finally allowed them into my life, I had realized that my love for them had always been there, just wanting to be expressed. I still – at times – felt Esme's happiness when I spoke of my love for her. She had gone a long time without hearing such declarations from me, and when I finally gave them freely, she reveled in acceptance. I felt ashamed of my actions, but I had finally gotten there. They had waited in patience.

"As I love you, Jasper." He tilted his head in acknowledgement.

He didn't try to clear his eyes. Carlisle was always secure in his emotions, or the emotions regarding his family. I knew he also struggled with his choices, but one could never argue his dedication to the Cullen's.

"Who's watching my little Cheye Beauty?" I asked softly, not wanting to wake Bella from the rest her body needed.

Carlisle gazed at Bella and a soft smile touched his lips. I felt his thankfulness, and I wondered why he was feeling such emotions in regards to Bella.

"Rose and Esme were arguing over whose turn it was to hold the little love. I think we may spoil her beyond repair, Jasper."

He laughed as he kept his eyes locked on my sleeping angel.

"No one would deserve it more, Carlisle, as long as she is taught that love is the most important trait. I know Bella would want her daughter to know that lesson. Why do you feel such things about her, Carlisle?" I finally asked in curiosity.

Carlisle came out of his trance before he spoke, "She gave me my little love, son."

I should have known he would beyond grateful for such a gift as Cheyenne. She already touched all of our lives. I could imagine Bella's reaction.

"But she also gave me your love and hers as well." And there was the crux of his thankfulness, Carlisle's love of his family. "Before you arrived at the hospital, sans Cheyenne's birth, Bella and I talked. She told me I reminded her of Charlie, and his unassuming love. You want to know the kicker, Jasper?"

I was beyond intrigued with what he was going to say. I simply nodded my head and waited for him to speak.

"I knew Charlie. He was a police officer in Forks when we lived there." I felt my mouth drop open at the announcement. It was something I had never thought about or considered.

"I can't believe that never crossed my mind."

I searched my thoughts and a picture of Charlie entered my mind. I had never been properly introduced to him, but I had passed him and waved. In a town the size of Forks, it was difficult not to pass one of the only cops. He had a decent face and the eyes that reminded me of Bella. I felt guilty at not realizing sooner.

"He was a good man. When we first moved there, the families put up a resistance against us, which is only natural. People are smart enough to shy away from us because they feel the natural fear from their predators. Charlie, of course, was different – as is Bella. He welcomed us into town, and always defended our family. I guess Bella came about that talent from her father."

Carlisle entered the room and ran his cold finger along her cheek. I could feel his love for her.

"We were more of acquaintances than anything else, but my respect for him is still inside of me. It will never cease. All I have to do is look to his daughter to be reminded." Which he did, and a smile lingered on his face. "Esme and I attended his services when he passed."

A gasp escaped my mouth at his bomb shell. I wondered why he had never disclosed the information to me.

"Why, Carlisle?"

"Because, I didn't know it was this Bella at the time, Jasper. You have to admit you kept her well hidden." He gave me a gentle smile that was filled with no rebuke. "When I did realize, it gave me pain to think about it. I really respected Charlie, and how he maintained the town and his acceptance of everyone. Like you and your love for Bella, it was something that I kept close to the heart. I tell you now because I want you to know where Bella gets her incredible love and acceptance from. She is the spiting imagine of her father in that regard. When she gives her love to you, Jasper, never let it go. Always give her your love, Jasper," he counseled as he rubbed her cheek gently.

"I remember her on that tragic day, son. It's an image that will never leave me because it is forever imprinted into my heart. Here was this little waif of a child standing beside her father's remains trying to be strong for her mother. Her little lips quivered as she touched her father's cold cheek and whispered of her eternal love of him.

...

Carlisle's POV

"_Hi, daddy." __She gave a wobbly smile that would never touch her eyes._

"_I know I haven't called you that in a while, but I thought it was time again. I love you." _

_He remained still, and even though she knew he was no longer in this life, the remainder of her childhood hope died beside her father. _

"_You were always my hero and the love of my life. I know we didn't get to spend that much time together, but I was always yours, daddy, more so than Renee's. I don't feel bad telling you this because I know it is something she realizes deep down."_

_Another tear slipped from her valiant little eyes, but her need to cry was stronger than her will to remain strong for her mother and father. _

"_I'll always need you, daddy. Please never stay far from me. When I need you the most, daddy, please know that I'll call out to you. I may not be able to touch you or hear your words of love for me, but I know you'll be there, daddy, because you were also always mine too." _

_Her whimpers left her body in great sobs. She had finally lost her composure and fell beside her father, crying her anguish out to him over and over again. _

"_Please don't leave me, daddy. I love you. I'm sorry for not being there for you more often!" she wailed on the floor. _

_Her little body had already crumbled to the ground, and the only thing left was her immense sorrow and need for her father's comforting arms. _

"_I love you, daddy," she cried over and over again while she gasped for breath after breath. _

_I thought she was going to hyperventilate. Esme was also crying as she looked at the broken child beside her father's body. Everyone else was in shock and had no idea what to do. I walked over to child and picked her tiny body up in my arms. She grabbed onto me, not knowing who I was, but accepting what I offered and what other people were too in shock to give. Her tears soaked through my suit jacket as her hands fisted onto me. I took her outside and into the overcast day._

"_I need my daddy!" she whimpered between her deep breaths. It did nothing but break my heart at not being able to give her what she desired the most._

"_I'm sorry, little love," I whispered, over and over onto her flushed ears. _

_After an hour of her continued cries for her daddy and her unnecessary apologies at not being the daughter he wanted, she let herself fall into the sleep that her body craved. I gently stroked the hair that became matted to her face. Her cheeks were red and sweaty, but she was still beautiful in her grief. Her heart had touched mine, and I knew no matter where I went or what happened I would always remember the little love in my arms that wanted her father instead. _

_..._

Jasper's POV

"These are the memories I keep to myself, Jasper," Carlisle spoke in a grieving voice.

I understood why he never told me such sadness. I also felt my own grief at not being there for her. I had been interviewing while she had been inconsolable. I didn't know what to feel, but I knew that Carlisle words would always stay with me. I was grateful that he had been there for her, and was able to give her the love she had needed most on that day she said goodbye to her father for the last time.

"They are painful to relive and that is why, my son."

And I had my answer. Carlisle bent down and placed a butterfly kiss on her cheek.

"I'm still sorry, Isabella, but I love you also," he whispered into her ear before pulling back.

He placed his hand on my face that was next to Bella's. I actually shivered a little at the coldness of his skin. I had been touching Bella so was therefore warm. Our connection once again amazed me, and I could see the same fascination written on Carlisle.

"The world is a smaller place than one would think, son," he whispered "Each action has a reaction. Hold onto her and the little love who adores you already. I will in turn hold onto your family, Jasper and protect it with my existence. I love you!"

He patted my cheek and left the room.

I looked at my angel and grieved for her lost. She had told me about losing her father, but Carlisle's translation was even more difficult to hear. He had witnessed her breakdown with a clarity that Bella would never remember; something I was selfishly thankful for.

"I'm here, Isabella," I murmured into her tangled hair before laying back down and waiting for her to come back to me.

* * *

22 November – Sunday Morning – Jasper's POV

My angel had finally woken up again the next day. She had slept soundly that day and into the night. I knew her body had needed the rest to heal to become whole again, but of course being the selfish being I was, I wanted her convalescence to be immediate. I wanted to see Bella well and loving those in her life as she always did. I wanted to see her cheeks flushed with her precious blood while she looked away in her embarrassment. But more than anything, I wanted to see Cheyenne in the arms of her mother where she belonged. I wanted to see Bella cry as she clutched something that had come from her body and she loved with everything.

As the weak light of dawn had broken through the flimsy curtains of the hospital, Bella finally began to stir. I had a surprise for her as soon as she was coherent enough. Her lids finally broke through the last vestiges of sleep and opened. I could see the instant confusion in her eyes. It was never fun to be dissociated with one's surrounding.

I walked over to her view line and watched as she finally found me. I grinned at her beautiful face that was still flushed with her sleep. Her eyes lit up with recognition, and I moved closer to her lying form. She extended her heavy laden arms out to me. I more than willingly complied with her request.

"Hello, my beautiful angel." A small smile broke over her rested but chapped lips.

"Hey, Jazz," she whispered in her scratchy, unused voice.

Her hands found their way into my hair, and I wondered if she found peace in that action. She always seemed to wrap her fingers in my curls.

"I missed you," she told me. And damn, I had missed her like crazy. I had missed everything about her. I buried my face into her neck. She lightly laughed as my breath tickled her skin. I found my favorite place and let her pulse beat over my lips.

"I missed you also, Isabella," I mumbled. I wasn't brave enough to face her.

I wanted to release my emotions again, but knew it wasn't the time.

"I missed you like fucking hell, angel." Her hold tightened as I told her of my need. I kissed her neck tenderly with my lips. She sighed at the contact. I knew it wasn't the time for such actions, but I needed to touch every part of her. My lips had missed her taste. We held onto each other for a few more moments. Bella kissed my cheek as I continued to place wet kisses along her graceful throat.

"Let me look at you, Jasper," she murmured. I pulled back from my hiding spot where it was safe. I gazed into her murky eyes that were filled with her life.

"See something you like, kitten?" I purred while waggling my eyebrows. She giggled and I fake pouted.

"There is always something I like about your gorgeous face, Jasper."

I lost my pout as she pulled me into her and placed her mouth on mine. Her chapped lips scraped against my smoother ones, but nothing could bother me in that moment.

"Especially your lips, Jazz."

I pulled back a little to see the blush that crept onto her face. She was bold and yet innocent at the same time. She was a conundrum for her bodies' reactions. Bella pulled my head back to hers as she tilted her head to the side and took my lips back into her possession.

"It's been too long, Jasper," she murmured into my mouth. "I'm sorry for being too forward, but I just need your lips right now."

She was more than welcome to anything she had need of. But I understand what she spoke of, it was a combined feeling we both shared freely.

"I know, angel," I replied.

Bella's breath filled my body as she exhaled with each kiss she placed to my mouth. We couldn't deepen the kiss because she was still weak and needed to breathe often, but I was more than fine with the slow languid kisses she granted to me. They filled me with a tranquility that brought a harmony to my now quieted soul. Her strong heartbeat filled the silence in the room and beat for the both of us. I slowly pulled away and licked her tender lips that were puffy from our shared slow passion before placing a gentle kiss to my favorite bottom lip.

"Your surprise is about to arrive." Her eyes became a little guarded, but I knew why, she was weary of surprises and anything she thought of as a gift. I kissed her closed eyelids and laughed at her reaction. "It's something you'll love, angel."

Before she could respond, Carlisle walked into the room, and handed me her surprise. He gave her a sweet smile filled with happiness and such strong love. Bella's eyes watered at my father's obvious love for her. She returned his gesture as he walked over to her and told her of his love. When their compassionate moment was over, and Carlisle quietly left the room, I walked over to Bella. I bent over her body.

"Isabella, meet your Cheyenne, again."

Her eyes lit up when she looked at the bundle in my arms. Her arms lightly shook as she held them out to finally take her little daughter where she belonged. Bella's tears had never stopped after her moment with Carlisle, but intensified as she finally wrapped her loving arms around the person she had fought so hard to bring into this world.

Cheyenne slept on as her mother took in every feature of her stunning face.

"Goodness, you're beyond precious, darling," Bella cried as she brought her lips to Cheyenne's pudgy cheek and implanted her love into her daughter's skin. "Mommy loves you so much, darling."

She shook with her emotions, and as I looked at mother and daughter reunited, I no longer felt pulled in two different directions. I finally felt that we were right where we were supposed to be. Everything was right in our world. I held onto that picture and onto that feeling. I fell in love with both mother and daughter all over again. They were the most beautiful creatures in my life, and I knew they were my remedy to all the adverse things. Bella was my eternal angel, and Cheyenne my little beauty and innocence in the world.

* * *

Author's Notes Continued: Again, I hope that was fine. To me, there felt like something was missing. Please let me know what you think about this chapter . . . the good, the bad, and the ugly . . . all are welcomed.

Thanks to all who are reading this story and for taking the time to make the journey with Bella and Jasper. I hope you felt it was worth it. Thanks to all who have added me to their alerts and favorites. I was overwhelmed by the number of you who have added me, and can only thank you. Also to those who have reviewed. Your opinions are always welcomed and so appreciated. I could never continue without your input, and I thank you again for your thoughts.

Much love as always, darlings.

_Posted:3 November 2010_


	3. Chapter III

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended. I just wanted to try my hand at a Jasper and Bella love affair (who could resist).

Author's Notes: Hello loves, all notes will be at the end of the chapter. Enjoy!

**Chapter Three**

_Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. _

-_ Robert Brault_

25 November – Wednesday – Bella's POV

As the grey light filtered in through the window of my hospital room, I couldn't help but think about the possibility of my leaving. I knew I had been through an ordeal (okay that was putting it lightly), but I was more than ready to vacate these premises. I felt like I should have had a permanent room dedicated just to me. That was a macabre thought and one I tried to banish. The little bundle in my arms moved, and I looked down at her with a big smile. My little darling looked back at me and once again stole my heart. The amounts of times that she accomplished such a feat had many already. Cheyenne had created so much inspiration in me, causing me to keep on when I had felt nothing but lonely, before Jasper had even come back into our lives. I brought her face closer to my own and placed my lips on her soft cheek. Her skin was warm and she smelled so fresh and new.

This was our first time really on our own since I had returned to Jasper and the darkness that claimed me. Jasper hadn't really wanted to leave me this morning, but I also knew he needed to take care of his own needs. I know he was more protective over me and I couldn't blame him, but I also wanted him to take care of himself and his feeding. His eyes were dark telling me how much his body had needed substances. So with much talking and persuading, he left to go feed. It took both my reassurance and Peter telling him that all would be fine for him to leave. I loved him and his necessity to take care of us. My daughter let out a little noise and brought my attention back to her.

"Hey, Cheyenne, we've been though a lot together, hmm? And through it all you've been my miracle, the one who has caused me to fight, giving me the determination to bring my little one into the world." I told as her eyes focused in the general direction of my face. "Look at how beautiful you are. No one could ever doubt your beauty when it is so glaringly obvious, but we know that isn't the most important thing. Love, Cheyenne, it is the most important thing in this world. Always remember there are many aspects of love and there are many things that go hand in hand with it, but love is what brings everything together." She continued to stare at me as if I were her entire focus.

"Yes your mommy is sappy, I know but it's important." I whispered into her soft newborn skin before kissing her little pudgy cheek. Her cupid lips twitched as she yawed. I knew no matter how much time had passed, and no matter where I may have been, I would never be able to look at my little darling enough. She had her father's coloring, and my bone structure, but still didn't really resemble either of us. Cheyenne was her own person, and I rejoiced in her already made accomplishment.

Her beautiful face encouraged me to pour my heart out to her. "I've had the opportunity to have many different types of love in my life, little darling and I hope I've cherished each and everyone. Each time someone gives you their trust and their adoration, it's a miracle unto itself; their entrusting a part of themselves to you for safe keeping. Never trample on such gifts, Cheyenne. Also learn for you, little darling, to love whole-heartedly. You may get hurt, and you may learn certain lessons along the way, but never close off the most beautiful part of yourself, darling, and that's your heart." I ran my nose along the doughy skin of her cheek, and lost myself in something that was completely mine, and was a part of me in a way no one else could ever be. She smelled divine, a smell that only babies could have. I imagined she smelled like heaven having just come from there not more than a couple weeks previous. Her long, light colored eye lashes brushed the apples on her faces as she continued to sleep, and dream in the land of nod.

I smiled at my sentimentality and the words I felt in my heart as I looked at her. My brush with having my heart stop caused me to fear a time when I may not be there for her, so I wanted to give her the lessons of my life. I knew she was just born, and may not remember this time I held her in my arms, but I knew her spirit could hear my declarations, and would retain it. I felt a tear slip from my eyes as I thought about ever leaving her, and scolded myself for such negative thoughts, especially while holding new life in one's arms. "Mommy is being silly, darling." I murmured to her

Cheyenne stayed asleep as I dried the tears from my skin. It still amazed me that she reminded me of Jasper. I knew they weren't biologically related, but that didn't lessen their likeness. I pictured Mike in my mind and tried to compare him to his daughter, but the resemblance slipped from my mind like water through my closed fingers. I felt terrible for having such thoughts as if I were betraying the gift Mike had given to me, but that was silly. "I know that your father would have loved you to pieces Cheyenne. He was a good man that touched my heart in a gentle and loving way. One could say he was my high school sweetheart, but I don't think that term applies. He was first and will always be one of my best friends." I thought over our young love and smiled at the memories we created together, the greatest was sleeping in my arms. I knew had chosen correctly on the fall afternoon with ice cream melting down my hand, Cheyenne had been more than worth it including my own life.

"I want you to know that just because I have feelings for Jasper doesn't mean I never loved your father. Michael will always have a part of me that was his and his alone. He was my first in many ways, but in the ways that had mattered the most Jasper had already beaten him there. I know it isn't a contest, but from the moment I met Jasper I couldn't take my eyes from him. Here was this sad person in front of a lost little girl, and he comforted me in that time. He was broken, darling, and in need of something great. I gave him all I could which wasn't much considering my age and limited knowledge, but those limitations didn't stop me from trying."

Cheyenne brought her fist to her cheek as if she were resting her head on it. With each movement, I captured that memory and imprinted it into my eternal thoughts. These were the moments I never wanted to forget, and moments I had looked forward to the most since I had found out about my pregnancy. "Jasper that night was beautiful, darling. Even in his agony, I was pulled toward him. He shimmered in that moon light as his pain radiated off of him and over to me. It's amazing how much I recall that moment with such clarity. One would think after being in distress and so young, I wouldn't remember such infinitesimal details, but they would be wrong . . . I remember everything." I whispered the last part because it was the most sacred. "I tell you these things because I want you to know our beginning, darling, the _very beginning_."

"My love for him is special Cheye. I think what caused me to start falling for him was the moment he touched you in my tummy and wore a silly grin. I knew he also fell for you in that time; how could he not, little one? It has been a constant free fall from that moment. Every touch, every smile, every word spoken has meant more to me than he could have ever imagined and I wouldn't trade it for anything, except you, my love." That was the absolute truth, and a hard one to swallow.

"I've been scared to tell him about my feelings because we have such an amazing friendship. It is something that everyone should have in their lives, even if but a small moment. To feel one's soul touch yours is incomparable, darling. It's something that you cannot describe, but wish everyone could feel. It's a fear of losing that unparalleled ability that scares me the most. We've been reunited for such a short time, and yet he has touched and woven himself into every aspect of my life. To tear it out of my life would be like literally tearing me to shreds. How could I lose something so intricately woven in my life without losing myself?" I wish she could have answered me, but even if she could it was still my decision to make.

"No matter what happens, Cheyenne, I would never take Jasper from your life. You love him so much already darling and anyone who is able to witness you together can see that evident love. How could I deprive you of something that only benefits you for the better? It would be completely selfish of me and unforgiveable. I think you have him for life Cheye. There is also the fact that Jasper may not want me in that way. It's something I've thought about and considered. I know we have to talk about me in his life, but it doesn't take away the fear of rejection in him wanting me in a romantic way." I murmured more to myself then the baby sleeping in my grasp. I knew she didn't understand my words, but talking to my daughter in that moment gave me the comfort that I usually received in Jasper's presence.

"You shouldn't worry about what Jasper will feel Bella." I jumped a little from the sudden voice and looked towards the doorway. Peter was leaning against the wall and looked to have some secret smile on his face. The thing that surprised me the most was the scarlet tint to his eyes. The pupils of his eyes were dark, and looked like Jasper's when he was battling intense emotions. The red color wrapped around the iris as if it had been melted there. To say I was completely comfortable would have been a fabrication. I knew I was safe with Peter, but I was a little unnerved with his presence. Peter, like every other vampire out there it seemed, was good looking. He had blond hair, but the color was dirtier then Jasper's honey locks. He was just as pale, but on closer inspection there seemed to be more of a tint to his skin. I wondered if that had anything to do with him being a human drinker, as Jasper said, as opposed to an animal consumer. Peter was a little shorter than Jasper, but stockier. He was beyond gorgeous, and seemed to know exactly what I had been thinking. I could feel the heat that gathered on my cheeks as he gave me a saucy grin.

"You should also know that no harm will come to you or Cheyenne." He intoned a little more seriously. I didn't realize I had clutched Cheyenne closer and started to feel guilty. This was Jasper's brother, and I had all but offended him. He entered the room and took the empty seat by my bed.

I gave him a shy smile before I apologized for my rude behavior. "I truly didn't mean to offend. I know you would never hurt what Jasper cherished." I looked more to Cheyenne that anything. She was asleep in my arms, and I felt tears come to my eyes at the thought of being lucky enough to hold my sleeping child.

"He cherishes you also Bella." Peter whispered. This time I blushed fully, but didn't try to hide the truth. What was the point; he could hear the erratic thump of my heart. I just nodded without taking my eyes from Cheyenne. "Are you afraid of Jasper?" I was taken aback by the bluntness of his question and quickly looked to see if he was kidding. His face told me he was subdued.

"Don't you think that's a little personal?" I asked softly trying to delay my answer. He gave me an appraising stare before he answered.

"Jasper is my brother and no matter how insensitive I may come off at times I do love him. It's just difficult for me to express that type of feeling to him. We were raised in a time where men didn't generally express those types of emotions. We were taught to be strong, silent, and respecting; very different than today. What I asked may have been personal, but is needed. My brother has had a hard road and many obstacles to climb. He has suffered a lot at the hands of others, and he has shown his resiliency time and time again. But let me be frank when I say that you are one thing, I fear, he may never be able to climb over." I started to feel sad at these words. I never wanted to cause any harm or sadness for Jasper. "I don't say these words to discourage you, Bella. I say them to you as a precaution. I don't know how my brother would react if he thought you were scared of him. He cares for you deeply, and only wants your happiness." I already knew these truths that Peter told me. Jasper and I had a history which proved over and over again how much he cared.

"Jasper's told me of his past and his mistakes. I accept him for who he is Peter. I cannot lie and say I am not scared of what he has done or what he is capable of because that would just be false. But in saying that I know he would never harm Cheyenne or me. He loves us unconditionally. I have forgiven Jasper of his past, even though I had no right to do so. He insisted that I forgive him for something he did way before he ever knew me, and something that is in his very nature. I'm very glad he is an animal drinker versus humans," I said while giving Peter a wink, "but that is neither here nor there. The reason I fear Jasper is something unrelated to his diet."

He gave me a sheepish grin that looked so misplaced on his face. "What." I asked a little fearful of what he may have heard while I was talking to Cheyenne.

"I overheard what you were saying to the little tater tot." I laughed at his nickname for Cheyenne. It was too funny.

"Before you ask, yes it's true. I won't say the words allowed because Jasper deserves to hear them first, but I'm also scared of his rejection and the possibility that if we don't work out he will once again disappear from my life. I was able to handle that separation barely the first time, and the reason for that was we didn't know each other well enough. From the first moment I laid eyes on that vampire I knew I adored him. It began as a child's affection for her savior and turned into something more, something I want with him. If I were to lose him now, Peter, I know that I'll lose part of myself. I'm not being overly dramatic but stating the honest to god's truth. Jasper's an essential part of me. I can feel it every time we touch. I also know he is a part of me because our bond as stretched to Cheyenne while she was also inside of me. I don't understand it at all, but it's still real nonetheless. So you see my fear of Jasper is more emotional than physical." Peter gave me an understanding look before he grabbed my hand and gave a gentle squeeze. I was amazed at how cold his hands were and yet how gentle he could be. Vampires, or at least the ones I knew, seemed to be the epitome of their reputation.

"Just be gentle with him Bella. I know that sounds funny coming from someone who could do unimaginable things, but I ask you still. I would also ask the same of him in regards to you." He gave me a sincere look that spoke the truth of his words. Peter and I hadn't known each other for long, but I knew he was someone that could be trusted.

"I will." I whispered because the moment seemed to call for it. He gave me a tilt of his head that reminded me of books and romance of long ago. "It's still scary facing the unknown and the bad things life has to offer." I spoke more to myself.

"That's very much true Bella, even with the guarantee of immortal life. But you know what they say about life handing you shit." I wanted to laugh but was more scandalized he had used such language in front of my baby. I glared at him for taking such liberties but he seemed unaffected. He just gave a squeeze to my hand and continued, "Don't worry; she won't learn that word from me." I didn't even want to know whom she would learn such language from. "What was I saying . . . ah yes, when life hands you shit – you make shitty lemonade." Regardless of his language I had to laugh. His euphemism was wrong but still made some sense, or perhaps I was just too tired to care.

"I don't think that's entirely correct, but I understand all the same. I also appreciate the talk Peter. You and Jasper go way back, and I know how much he loves and depends on you at times. There isn't anything that you or he wouldn't do for the other, and companionship like that is difficult to find these days. Your love for each other has withstood much, and I hope that love continues for eternity." I knew I was laying it on a little thick, but I still meant every word. The fact that Peter became more and more uncomfortable with each mention of the word 'love' was just a bonus. He squirmed a little in his seat which was totally unnecessary for his kind, but it showed his uneasiness with the mushy talk. Life could also be too much fun at times. "So why don't you tell me about the time Charlotte accidently caught you in the buff with Crisco spread all over your glittery ass." If vampires could turn red, Peter would have been as red as a cherry. I also knew I also cursed, but I wasn't perfect and the question just called for the phrase _glittery ass_.

"Why do I tell Jasper these things, and then live to rue the day." He mumbled into his hands as he buried his face in them. I just laughed because it was fun to rile him up. Jasper was a bad influence in that regard, or maybe it was Emmett. He gave me an evil glare which caused my laughter to turn into embarrassing giggles. "I just wanted to know what could make me tan." He all but whined. "I couldn't help it if Char caught me while I was in the middle of the applying process." He pouted. He was adorable, but not as adorable as my Jasper when he pouted.

"It could have been the fact you were applying it," I turned red even thinking about the words and his position, "on a bear skin rug in the middle of a field in between your cheeks." I had to look away because of the shame. I would never understand why he even had a bear skin rug in the middle of a field. It made absolutely no sense.

"Damn, Jasper has such a big mouth." He hissed. Peter failed to realize he was the one who had told Jasper in the first place about his tanning adventures on an animal's dead skin.

"Why were you even putting it in that location?" I asked while playing with the blanket Cheyenne was wrapped in. I cursed my morbid curiosity.

"Can't a vampire experiment on his own body without being taken to the grind? It wasn't as if I wanted to be caught. I don't understand how I'm always caught in such compromising situations. I just saw a program on television and wanted to test it out myself." He finally stopped his muttering. I wondered what program on television he was watching. I gave him an unbelieving look before he actually broke. "Fine I was watching a naughty movie." He all but hissed while looking away. Who was I to judge him or his exploits? "Charlotte keeps me more than satisfied, but sometimes a vampire is curious and wants to know how humans are able to get into such positions . . . I mean . . ." And that's where it had to stop.

"Enough," I all but yelled. I lowered my voice when Cheyenne shifted suddenly in her sleep. I was happy my baby's innocent little ears were too young and uncaring to understand such language. My face was hot and I was surprised I wasn't sweating. "I'm happy you are happy in the bedroom, Peter, but I truly don't need to hear anymore, and I'm sorry for even bringing up the situation in the first place, at least in front of my child." I amended because it was fun seeing him squirm. "Why don't you tell me about your Charlotte, and what you love about her?" I asked truly curious in the woman who could even tame him a little. Although I thought maybe Rose had a harder time keeping Emmett in line. Peter just seemed like a naturally inquisitive person, unlike dear Emmett who liked to instigate, but I still loved him.

"Charlotte is hard to describe. She reminds me of Rose, but less conformational or maybe less ballsy." He was right about my Rose, so I let the comment slide about her character. "She loves me to pieces, but won't put up with my bullsh . . . um bull crap." He shifted after I gave him a warning look. I wasn't playing anymore and he could clearly read it on my face. "Charlotte can be very gentle, but also fierce when she has to be. She's very protective over those she loves, and completely accepting once you have her trust. She loves to cook, even though she cannot eat. But that doesn't stop my Charlotte." He praised and I wondered if he even realized he had such a goofy smile.

And on the conversation went. He told me about how they met, and how eventually Jasper had helped them escape that bitch Maria. I didn't correct his language because after what she had done to Jasper, he was completely in his right to call her such a term. He spoke to me of his deep and binding friendship to Jasper and then tried to tell a dirty joke because he was embarrassed by his emotions.

"What do women and tornados have in common?" That was an easy one to answer.

"That's simple Peter; I'm telling Charlotte if you answer that question, especially for such language in front of my little darling." He looked so shocked that I wondered if he would ever move again. "In your own famous words, '_Jasper has such a big mouth.'_ I answered in a naughty voice, which caused him to look even more shocked and caused me to giggle.

"Bella," Someone shouted from the doorway causing me to jump again. Goodness, couldn't these vampires wear bells or something. "How could you speak that way in front of the little love?" Carlisle asked while giving me a disappointing look. I knew I looked like a fish out of water because my mouth couldn't close. I looked over to Peter and saw he was smirking. That bastard knew Carlisle was coming and set me up. I scowled at him, but that was fine, two could play that game.

My eyes went back to Carlisle and started to water. I felt as the tears gathered into my eyes and fell over onto my cheek. Rose had taught me a few good things. Carlisle faces immediately changed to one of concern (_hook_). I let my lip tremble a bit before I answered him, "I'm sorry Carlisle. Peter was trying to tell me a dirty joke in front of Cheye, so instead of letting him finish his vulgar punch line, I tried to change the subject. I meant no offense (_line_)." The tears continued to pour, and I thanked my pregnancy hormones for something. It was Petey's turn to look gob smacked. I did feel a little guilty, but he was the one to start this little war. Carlisle wiped my tears with his cold hands before he looked at the sleeping angel in my arms and turned to the roasted vampire in the room.

When I was certain Carlisle's attention was on Peter, I shot him a smirk of my very own. "What have you to say for yourself, Peter?" He still hadn't closed his mouth which probably caused him not to defend himself. I tried not to laugh out loud and had to bit my cheek for affect. Peter didn't even see Carlisle as a father figure, but yet he also cowered before him as if he were being scolded by his father.

"I . . . didn't do . . . me . . . sorry." He finished lamely and bowed his head. If he thought that horrid attempt was going to work he had another thing coming.

"I warned you Peter about using such language in front of the little love. I'm going to have to tell Charlotte (_sinker_)." Carlisle said in a matter-of-fact voice. A snort escaped my mouth and I hurried to cover it with a cough. Peter gave me a death glare, but it held no weight. Emmett had already given me that useless look. The most handsome vampire entered the room and I was instantly drawn to his dark amber eyes. It was nice to see he enjoyed his feeding time. My mouth turned up at the corners at seeing him that it almost hurt.

"Hey Jasper," I said a little too enthusiastically. One would think it had been a year since I had seen him. He gave me a smile that would have had me melting like butter on a hot day. Goodness he was something to behold.

"Kitten, it seems you've been busy while I've been away . . ." His voice was serious, but I could see the humor in his eyes. Carlisle didn't really notice because he was shooting daggers at Peter. I was glad Jasper hadn't given me away; he could probably feel my mirth and need for revenge. ". . . making friends with Peter and all." Jasper gave me an indulgent smile and I found myself blushing in return. He always had the ability to make me lose myself. Peter took the opportunity to shoot his glares to Jasper, but we both didn't seem to care, all that much. I still felt a bit of guilt.

"His company has been of the entertaining variety before he tried to use such speech in front of Cheyenne." I surreptitiously winked making sure Carlisle gaze was on someone else. Jasper rolled his eyes good-naturedly at my whine before he turned to his best friend.

"Peter, what have you to say for yourself?" I again bit my cheek to keep from laughing.

"There's no need Jasper," Carlisle interrupted, taking away my fun. "I'm going to give his wife a call and see what she may have to say on the matter." He turned from Peter and gave Cheyenne a kiss to her little forehead. I started to feel really guilty because Carlisle really did love Cheye and I felt as if I were taking advantage of that. I opened my mouth to say something before Jasper stopped me.

"That's a good idea Carlisle. She really does know how to handle him best . . . besides his left hand." Both Carlisle and I looked to Jasper in confusion, but his face gave nothing away. Peter on the other hand looked as if he were ready to tear Jasper to pieces, but my vampire looked unaffected.

"I'm sorry Peter." I apologized with sincerity. He gave me a little smile. I hope he knew I really did feel bad.

"No worries, Bella. Jasper on the other hand is a jerk that won't get off." He smirked at Jasper before he followed Carlisle out who was already dialing on his cell phone. "Come on Carlisle . . . there is no need. I promise I've learned my lesson." He tried to placate, but it was no use . . . no one messed with his little love.

I turned to the naughty vampire left in the room before I gave him a dirty look. "You just couldn't let it go could you Jazz? You knew I wanted to apologize." His eyes started to get big and his lip pouty. There was no way I could stand up against that look. I hurriedly turned away before my resolve fell. "He didn't really do anything that bad. He just set me up and so I retaliated. There was no need to continue, Jasper." He was immediately in front of me again because he cheated and used his speed. Luckily no one had been walking by. His face was in full puppy-mode and I knew I had lost. "Fine . . . fine, I give."

"Thanks angel," He came closer and touched Cheyenne's cheek as Carlisle had done, "you are always so generous." He had nerves of steel. The only reason I was so generous was he always felt the need to cheat.

* * *

Jasper's POV

As the day wore on and visitors came and went, Bella and I were left for the evening in peace. It had been a nice day filled with laughter and a soft joy. Cheyenne had slept most of the day, but when she was awake, she brought her own brand of happiness to what I considered my little family. Bella and Cheye were my world, and even though I had other obligations that were outside of that bubble, my main concern was and always would be the two girls that had captured me completely. Life was beautiful and I couldn't help but smile. I still carried their frailties around in my mind, never forgetting what it had felt like when my angel almost flew away, but I didn't let those emotions touch this moment. They were for another time. Bella's voice pulled me from my internal monologue and my scatterbrained thoughts.

"Yes, angel?" I said more like a question because I hadn't heard what she was speaking about. I didn't want to give her the false impression that I had heard her when it was obvious my mind was previously occupied.

"Jasper," She looked at me seriously and asked, "How can you look at this little precious child in my arms and call me angel?" I wanted to laugh at her question, but I knew she was serious. I took my hand from Cheyenne's cheek, and pushed Bella's bangs from her eyes, so she could see me clearly.

"It's very simple Isabella. I look at Cheyenne and I see you. She came from you, and every part of her little self is a piece of you. So how could I call her an angel and not you?"

"Um . . . well . . ." She tried to answer me, but I knew I had won the debate. I let a smirk overtake my face, and Bella just gave me an indulgent smile. "Oh, just be quiet." She said while giggling. I did love being right. "You are too well versed in words, Jazz. Everything out of your mouth, or most everything, is very eloquent and never fails to touch a part of me." She said while touching my face.

"I'm only well versed in words that describe you and now Cheye." Bella rolled her eyes, but I could see the coloring of her face becoming more intensified. Her body's reactions always gave her away. "How has she been?" I asked while looking down into Bella's arms. The little one started to awake, and I just knew what Bella was going to say.

"Oh not again Jasper, could you not have kept your voice lower?" I laughed quietly at her words. I could not help it that her child for some reason reacted so strongly to the sound of my voice. She had been in such a deep sleep earlier she hadn't heard me. Cheyenne started to look around, searching for something. Her little face started to scrunch up and my heart immediately started to go out to the baby. I never wanted to see her cry, her tears were like a fire to my skin, making me burn in agony. As her first wail broke the air in the room I made my way from behind Bella's bed and bent in front of her and the little one.

"Give her to me, angel." I said gently, and Bella willingly handed over her miracle. "It's fine little beauty. I've got you. Please no more tears from those lovely little eyes of yours; nothing but smiles." She finally started to calm at the sound of my voice, and I couldn't help but be amazed at her compliance to my words. I knew she didn't understand what I said, but she understood my emotions and my warm arms wrapped securely around her. I could feel a wobbly grin over take my mouth as I fell in love with Cheye over again. I could never understand how this tiny creature needed me, and also wanted me.

"It's something to witness Jasper," Her mother said with a smile, and I looked at her with confusion, "her so obvious love for you; her want to be in your arms when she hears your voice. I don't understand how someone so little and so new can know so definitively what she wants, but then again Cheyenne has wonderful taste." She finished speaking in a soft voice.

"Of course she has wonderful, Bella. Just look at me." I said in mock arrogance, but she didn't crack a smile.

"Yes, just look at you." Was her honest response to my jest. Her cheeks flamed, but I could care less. Her words touched me in places that always needed her constant reassurance. I leaned forward from my position in front of her and kissed her nose.

"No embarrassment. You speak your heart angel and I could never ask for anything else, except to keep all and every boy away from this child in my arms. I would hate to have to take some boys out." I spoke in jest, but there was a part of me that was more than serious. I would never allow anyone to hurt her. I picked up Cheye's fits and let her wrap her petite hand around my finger. My skin warmed at her touch, and I marveled again about her connection to me, and how the touch of her skin to mine also caused me to become warm. I loved that I could hold her in my arms, and not have to worry about such a mundane issue. The rest of my family who held her was becoming accustomed to wearing long sleeved shirts, and warming their hands with hot compresses they carried in their pockets. Their cold skin didn't seem to bother Cheyenne's body temperature if they grazed her skin, but if they were going to hold her for longer they had to take precautions. Since she was so new, she had to be kept even warmer from the elements, and my family took that responsibility very seriously.

"I love you Cheye beauty. My life is yours darling. Your wish is mine for the granting. My love is tangible in regards to you. Your life is mine to protect. You and your mommy are my world and my family." No sounds came from Cheyenne, but her fluttering heartbeat that sounded like humming bird wings, and her even breathing. Her eyes took in my face, and my lips found their way to her pudgy cheeks. "My little beauty," I simply stated as the immense love I felt for her filled me entirely. My breath fanned over her face and her eyelashes fluttered over her eyes in protection from the wind. Her eyes started to close, so I pulled her up to my chest, and buried her face in my shoulder while I rubbed her back. I felt her burrow further into the crook of my neck and hoped I wasn't too hard for her. My stone muscles didn't seemed to bother her as I felt her mouth let out a little yawn and her finally fall back to sleep. I could feel her adorable composure, and I knew Bella was also feeling the same. Her sigh brought me out of my mind and back to the present.

"She loves you, Jasper. You do know that right." I sat down next to Bella on her bed gently making sure not to wake the little one in sleeping contently my arms. My angel's fingers found their way into my hair, and she played with my curls that touched her neck. I allowed my head to fall back as I relaxed my body and enjoyed her light caresses.

"I can feel it Bella." I could hear the wonder in my own voice as I spoke my answer aloud. "It's not like anything I've ever felt. It's like feeling the softest goose down blanket touch your skin, and sinking into it completely, or when one grazes your skin with a feather and it becomes aware. Her love brings gentleness to my soul, and a quietness I've never really experienced. Even your love doesn't touch me like that Bella." I said with an apologetic voice. I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

"No worries, Jasper." Her soft words encircled me. "I could never become jealous of what you feel from Cheyenne, or how you may feel for her. You love her so much and I would never want to take that away or have that directed at me. I want you to love her Jasper because she loves you, or because she holds such a tender part of you. How could I ever resent something so natural?" I twisted my head to the side and kissed my angel's cheek.

We lay in silence with my beauty's breath on my neck and Bella's fingers weaving through my curls. My life seemed simplistic and filled with peace. It was moments like this that I had always craved when my life and soul were in turmoil. It was moments like these, the quiet and magical times; my scarred body had needed to heal. I had never envisioned becoming a father or even falling for a human, but I guess something or someone knew what was best for me, and I welcomed their vision of my life with open arms. I engraved every second we spent in Bella's hospital room into my mind, knowing it was something I would think about when my life would become hectic or overwhelming. The small moments were what humans remembered and lived for. It was how their brains functioned. They remembered big things, but it was the small things that stayed with them for a lifetime.

I turned my face from Bella's neck and looked into her jade-speckled eyes before I gently touched my lips to hers in reverence. She let out a little sigh as our lips fit together as if they had been created for such a purpose. The kiss wasn't deepened because the loving moment didn't call for such torrid displays. I just wanted to give the love I had been feeling in that moment. I wanted her to have a piece of my contentment and awe at such a simple and graceful moment. I gently licked her lips wanting to always taste her in my mouth. She was simply divine, every part of her splendid self. I knew she would disagree with my assessment, but that was fine. I knew the truth in my very core, especially holding the most beautiful part of her in my arms. I wasn't amazed that Bella had created something so lovely as Cheyenne.

My lips left shallow and light kiss over the entirety of her flushed face. Her eyes were closed and her hands rested on my neck as I finished my exploration, for now. I knew we had a conversation that needed to be spoken, but we first had an obligation to make sure Cheye was settled. She already seemed well adjusted, at least after Bella had woken up. I figured we didn't have long to wait, especially with my families' help. My immense and obsessive love for her almost screamed at me daily to tell her, but I just had a little longer to wait. Then in that moment of complete surrender and hope, I would give her all of that love for the taking, all she had to do was reach for me.

Bella's breaths evened out and I knew she had joined her daughter in dreams. She had such an eventful day and her body finally claimed the rest she needed. She would be going home tomorrow after all. I knew she was ready to leave this place. I had once found solace and peace in the halls of this establishment as I helped others to mend, but after Bella had gone through her terrible ordeal, I knew it would never hold the same meaning to me again. I mourned the thought, but there it was never ceasing me from its clutches. I never wanted to forget anyways.

"Soon, my love; I shall tell you very soon of my immeasurable love for you in ways that have nothing to do with friendship and everything to do with passion and a constant need I have for you, angel." My body reacted to that need in just thinking about it.

"I'm so in love with you, Isabella." I whispered emphatically to her like I had done every time I had witnessed her sleeping in peace.

_Soon my love._

_

* * *

_Author's Notes Continued: And there you have Chapter Three. I hoped you liked it. I loved writing this chapter. I feel much better about this one then the previous. I hope the same is true for you the readers. So tell me, loves, did you enjoy Bella's time with Cheyenne? I just had to give them some mother/daughter time. Bella deserved it after flying so far away from her after her heart stopped. What did you think of the rascal Peter? No matter what, I love him to pieces, him and his outlandish explorations (hehe). Did you like Bella and Jasper's time together? All comments are welcomed and taken seriously. I value your thoughts.

Thanks to all those who have read this story thus far. I hope it has been enjoyable as you had anticipated. If you haven't I blame it on the worm that infected my computer. I have to have some kind of release for such a horrid thing happening . . . LOL. Also thanks to those who have added this story to favorites and alerts. The confidence and interest is amazing. And to the people who have review, you are all so wonderful. I know I'm a big sap when I write to you, but I'm truly thankful for the thoughts and opinions. I confess I'm terrible at reviewing so I appreciate everyone taking the time in letting me know about the emotions you may have felt whether you liked the story or not. :P I really do hope to reach a goal of six hundred reviews (not to mention the sneak peeks you receive), and each one you have left helps, not to mention they touch me deeply.

Just an FYI, because I don't want anyone to give their hopes up, Chapter Five will be the big tête-à-tête (and if you don't know what I mean . . . you'll just have to wait).

I hope all is well. Thanks again to everyone. Much love as always. :P

_Posted: 11 November 2010_


	4. Chapter IV

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Chapter Four**

"_Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindles this light." _

_- Albert Schweitzer _

26 November – Thursday – Bella's POV

"It's time, angel," Jasper intoned as he came into my hospital room.

I was sitting on my bed ready to go. I had been up early, getting dressed in the clothes Rose had provided me with. The warm cashmere was a welcome comfort to my skin, and the yoga pants allowed me the room to move after my horrendous stay in this cursed hospital. The doctors and nurses were very skilled and I would always be beyond grateful for all they had done, but I was more than ready to leave. I wanted the coziness of my home that filled my ever beating heart with so many wonderful memories.

I looked at the handsome vampire standing beside me as he brushed my loose hair behind my ears. I was always in awe when he was beside me. I never understood how one as unlucky as me could have struck platinum with him. Not only was Jasper my best friend and confidant, he was in my soul; a place I never wanted him to vacate.

I felt my cheeks heat up at the attention he paid to my hair. His hands were gentle, and his stare was intense. He looked at me as if I would disappear from his view at any moment. I knew he had been beyond devastated when my heart stopped, but I hated to see that fear in his eyes when his looks were the most loving. I wanted them to be filled with nothing but happiness, not mixed with sorrow. I hated the pity.

"I hope you're ready to come home?" he whispered into my face.

His hand left my hair and brushed over my heated cheek, I felt a tingle in my fingers and stomach as his warm skin touched mine. He felt me as if I were his world and the most delicate thing he had ever handled. If he kept touching me in such an adoring way, I didn't think I would have been able to leave my bed. His touch made me forget everything around me and only focus on the sensations we created together. Jasper's presence blurred everything in my immediate sight, except his glorious face.

His lips followed the path his fingers had taken on my face. With each press of his mouth to my cheek, nose, and forehead, I could feel each breath that escaped him. The moment was tender and felt to the very tips of my toes.

"I'm ready," I finally answered, finding my voice that came out more of a squeak than anything else.

Many times my reactions around him were more than embarrassing. Jasper, of course, found my reaction funny and proceeded to laugh at my high-pitched voice while his lips continued to ghost over my blood induced blush.

I slapped his chest and tried pushing him away, but he wrapped his arms around my shoulders before he buried his face into my neck. I easily tumbled like a house of cards. My will against him was never strong and realized that it would always be a losing battle. I enveloped him in my arms as my fingers clasped together on his lower back. This was a place I could always imagine him. I wondered if Jasper realized the immeasurable power he held over me.

"I've missed you at home, angel. Nothing is the same without you."

I bit my bottom lip at the sensations he caused in me with both his beautiful sentiments and the feel of his lips against my flesh.

"Nothing is worth anything without you in my presence, Isabella," he repeated with more desperation as his arms around me tightened. My name rolled off his tongue as if it were the most exquisite word ever spoken.

I gently pushed him away from me, because in that moment, the need to see his face was powerful and swelled within me until I obeyed. Jasper complied and allowed me to see his passionate expression that touched the masterpiece that was his face. His skin was smooth under my fingers as the longing to touch him compelled me to feel his splendid, but solid flesh.

His eyes bore into mine, and I wondered if the intensity of my eyes matched the need I so clearly read in his. Things were quickly coming to a head. I wondered how much longer I would last before I had to blurt out the total amount of love I felt for him. I brought his face closer to mine and placed my already swollen lips from me biting them, onto his. They were cold but instantly flared with the heat I always felt in touching him.

This was the only thing I could think of doing that would stop the yearning in me that continued to begged to let my love free. I knew his skin against mine would gratify that ache until I was ready to tell him, the fear of rejection was still real and Cheyenne was now involved.

"You're glorious, Jazz." The words slipped unnoticed from my lips as I glided them over his more demanding ones.

His breathy laugh wafted over my flushed face. My constant need for him traveled through my body – almost painfully – until it settled into the bottom of my stomach and erupted with the clichéd butterflies. I wanted to roll my eyes at that unoriginal thought.

Before I could finish that idea, his mouth once again sealed to mine and the friction we created amplified. I felt my thighs clench together and something above that twist with want for the incredible being that captured me so long ago. Jasper trailed his fingers along my neck down to my exposed collarbone. I shivered at the tender stroke of his fingers and allowed my wanton tongue to finally taste our combined flavors that remained on his lips. He moaned at the instant contact before he molded his hand to the back of my neck and tilted my head. He changed the angle of the kiss and that somehow made the moment even deeper. He allowed himself to sample the inside of my mouth and we both sighed at the completion we felt while kissing the other.

These moments between us were new and brought a fear of their own. The sheer amount of need I had for him was staggering and left me feeling so helpless at times. I had no experience in these matters of affection and want.

Mike and I had been gentle with each other. We experimented, but even the love and occurrences I had shared with him, dimmed severely in the bright and blinding light that Jasper presented. I then realized in that moment of utter weakness that nothing could truly prepare me for the intensity that I felt for the stunning vampire that devoured me so thoroughly. Everything with this man before me would be new and would be learned from trial and error.

Jasper finally pulled back and allowed me to breathe. My lungs were heaving and causing my chest to rise and fall, considerably, with each necessary breath I took. My heart raced but also mourned at the lost of contact with his magnificent and talented lips. I grasped his buttoned down shirt with my fists and placed my forehead over his hardened chest. I felt shaky after our shared kiss, but not physically.

Jasper kissed the crown of my head while weaving his hands through my disarrayed hair. I knew I must have looked terrible, but I felt fulfilled in that moment of deep breaths and soft touches.

"You're glorious, angel," his deep voice sounded in my ear.

I shook my head in denial because I couldn't believe such notions. I knew Jasper truly saw those things in me, but he was biased in his views.

"Yes, Bella, you are," he countered in a soft whisper that ghosted over my skin.

I shyly looked at his face after the things we had just done together. One would think that after having a child I would learn to be more mature, but that notion was for naught. Jasper just caused me to feel things that had me blushing like an inexperienced child.

"I would expound on your amazing qualities, angel, thus ruining the manly imagine I had wanted you to see in regards to me," he jested while stroking my cheeks, "but Carlisle is on his way with the little beauty. So thus we shall postpone that conversation for a more appropriate time, when we don't have an audience and someone to interrupt."

My blood raced at the thought and caused me to turn my head in embarrassment. I could only imagine what could be accomplished without distractions. It made my skin feverish to the touch. He gently laughed again at my stupid reaction before he kissed my pouted bottom lip once more and pulled away for good. Some things in life would never be fair, and Jasper's skill in kissing – that would probably always bring me to my knees – was one of them.

Before I could even come up with something to retaliate with, Carlisle stepped into the room, holding my tiny daughter. She had been born weighing six pounds and eleven ounces, right on the cusp of seven pounds. The first time after she was placed into my arms was blurry, but the love I had felt for her then was clear and unforgotten. She had been my miracle, just as I had explained to her already.

Carlisle stood beside me, looking at her with so much love it could have filled the hospital before he placed a tiny kiss to her sleeping eyes and placed her into my waiting arms. I cuddled my darling closer to my body as I took in her delicate features. Whoever had dressed her had done a terrific job. I may have complained about the amount of money they spent on her, but there was no denying the Cullen's had style and flare. Her black and red stylish knit plaid dress looked beautiful on her fair skin. Her little legs were covered with white tights and her feet were covered with black boots.

Goodness, the baby was only twelve day old and already the height of fashion, but too adorable to argue. Her blonde hair was covered with a black knit hat that sported a large flower on the right side, and her hands were covered with shapeless mittens. I felt tears come to my eyes at the thought of her and the love the Cullen's already had for her. Our lives were so richly blessed, and Jasper was at the center of those thoughts.

"Thanks, Carlisle," I said softly, "She looks so beautiful."

He kissed my head where I still sat on the bed holding my little daughter.

"It's never a problem, Isabella." My heart fell even more for him.

Carlisle had such a gentle soul that one couldn't help but feel his quiet love. He left the room and Jasper touched Cheye's little face. She moved a little at the contact, and I speculated if she could feel his presence. Their connection to each other was beautiful and almost unreal. She loved him already as completely as he did her.

"My girls are finally coming home where they belong," Jasper said with a wobbly smile on his face. He was breathtaking in that moment and his true joy was literally felt as he gently pushed it towards us.

_I'm so very much and so heartbreakingly in love with you, Jasper, _I thought as his misted-over eyes gazed into my own and filled me beyond capacity. I knew I wasn't going to last much longer. My entire body and soul were ready to embrace the feelings that continued to run rampant through me.

"Yes we are, baby," I answered, not really realizing the pet name because I was so lost in the torrent emotions I was inundated with. How could one think clearly with a tiny new born daughter in one's arms and their love sitting next to them, staring at them as if they had created his entire world?

...

Still Bella's POV

The sound of squeaky wheels on the linoleum floor reluctantly pulled me from my lovely and warm haven. And with one look at Carlisle, those staggering feelings were gone only to be replaced with dread and embarrassment. I felt Jasper taking Cheyenne from my arms, and I willingly let her go; only being able to focus on my disappointment.

"Carlisle," I whined in agony looking at the wheelchair, "do I really have to ride in that. I am perfectly capable of walking on my own." My voice portrayed the pity I so rightly felt. I could see him softening a little before he realized what he was doing.

"Isabella, this is hospital policy," he commanded softly. "I know you would rather have your own legs carry you out of this establishment, thus maintaining your dignity, but how would I look if I gave preferential treatment?" I hated his sound logic, but understood his reasoning.

I reluctantly sat down in the chair while trying to erase the scowl from my face. Usually Carlisle could be persuaded to see my reason, but this was something he didn't relent on, even though he contemplated it. I looked over to Jasper and saw him smirking. I wanted to wipe it from his smug face. He knew that Carlisle allowed me to have my way most of the time. He was just happy to see me finally overruled. He just shot me a triumphant smile as he carried Cheyenne in his arms and walked along side of me with an extra swagger in his step.

_He would get his in time_. That thought cheered me up tremendously as I rode in silence and finished signing out of the hospital.

As we stepped outside into the cold morning air, I inhaled sharply. It hurt my lungs, but it was a welcomed discomfort. It had felt like forever since I had been outside. It seemed as if I had almost forgotten about how clean the air felt inside of me. Being able to breathe was a miracle that I never thought about. It was something that came to me naturally and was done without a conscious effort. Each breath sustained my life and allowed me another minute on the earth.

It was easy to become complacent with something that was always done, but when one face a terrifying tragedy they wised up and learned to appreciate the little things in life that went unnoticed. The sky was over cast and something that was needed. I was happy that Jasper had been able to accompany me home. I couldn't imagine having to spend another night in the DHMC. It was a perfectly lovely hospital, but my extended stays had chased that idea far from my mind.

I had always cherished the sun and all of its healing elements, growing up in Phoenix would do that to a person. But after my mother's husband had taken that love from me and forced me to move away from all I had known, the magic had somewhat died, and I had come to love the coolness and mystery of the clouds and rain. Perhaps it was more the obscurity that those elements had provided to me. They had living and healing properties of their very own. Sun and water – both essential and both loved.

When I heard a car approaching I looked up and my mouth dropped open. I first scolded myself for losing my mind to my wandering thoughts. I wasn't one that really lived inside my head, or maybe I was and just didn't want to acknowledge it aloud.

Carlisle was standing to my right and holding onto Cheyenne as if something out there was threatening to hurt her. No matter how much he loved her, he wouldn't always be able to protect her from harm and heartbreak. That was something both he and Jasper would have to learn. They would probably fall right along with her as she tumbled through her trials in life. It was my right as her mother to go through those experiences with her, but with them it was their choice (also my choice, but in a different way) and something I knew they would always welcome.

Jasper stepped off of the curve and approached the little party awaiting his return.

"Jasper," I all but sputtered as I was helped from the chair and into the new Infiniti FX waiting by the curb. "Why did you get a new car?" I asked stupidly.

He looked at me as if I were missing a few brain cells, but I couldn't take offence, I was still in shock from the new vehicle.

"You needed another SUV, Bella, and my car is in the process of being fixed by Rose," he explained as if it were the most obvious thing.

I wanted to yell at him for spending more money on me and I also wanted to know what had happened to his car, but thought it better not to ask. Some things were just better left unsaid.

"Fine," I grumbled getting into the plush black leather interior that completely cushioned my still sore body.

Carlisle had finished buckling in his little love, not really trusting anyone else with the important task of making sure she was ready for the ride home. Carlisle could be funny when it came to Cheye and her needs. She already had him on his knees and didn't even realize. Heaven help the little girl that was bound to be spoiled by the Cullen Clan. I still smiled at the thought. I wanted nothing but love and affection in her young and beautiful life.

When Jasper finally shut the door, I sighed from the comfort of the car and the luxury it provided. The seats felt like melted butter on a warm summer afternoon. I knew Jasper had heard me because of the smirk he wore as we silently drove off. I refused to acknowledge his smug expressions. I did, however, hold onto his hand as he drove us away from something that had been a nightmare to the comfort of our awaiting home. Esme and Carlisle were going to meet us at the house later; they were generous in knowing we wanted our homecoming to be something private between our little family, or so I liked to think.

With Cheyenne sleeping in the back, Jasper driving us and me almost being lulled to sleep, we made our way back to something that would become our own normality.

...

Bella's POV

I felt a slight shaking sensation that caused me to quickly stir. My body came to full attention as I popped up and instantly regretted the sudden and jarring movement.

"Welcome home, angel," Jasper whispered from where he had opened my door.

The cold wind rushed into the warm car and helped to cool my flushed cheeks. Jasper's words had given me such a fluttering in my body. I was finally out of that dreaded hospital. He extended his hand and I shyly took it. One would think I had never touched or been touched by him. My sneakers hit the ground and crunched with the remaining snow left over from a storm I had missed while unconscious.

"Thanks," I mumbled trying to hide my body's reaction towards him, although I knew that was useless. He could already hear my pounding heart and probably smell my heightened fragrance my body released.

It was more than Jasper's proximity that caused such reactions; it was being out in the open and having the feeling of belonging once again that rushed through me. I was once again free and had been liberated from something that tried to claim me from Jasper and my daughter. My gloved hand came into contact with Jasper's lips as he peeled back the leather that protected my skin and replaced it with his lips. Such actions were of old times, but never ceased to make my heart accelerate. Jasper was originally from that time where ladies were greeted in such a manner.

He replaced my glove before he released my hand and opened the garage door for me that entered into our kitchen. He then returned to the car and effortlessly removed my sleeping daughter. She was bundled in a beautiful quilt that looked to have cost more than I made in a month when I still worked. Her little black coat was just visible, and she reminded me of a little wrapped burrito. I tried not to laugh out loud, but failed miserably.

Jasper just winked before he shut the car doors and propped Cheyenne up on his chest. He kissed her covered head before he wrapped his free arm around my shoulder and led us into the house. The picture we presented wasn't wasted on me, and it was something that would always bring a sweet joy to my heart.

_Home at last_ were the words that continued to repeat through my wild mind, terribly corny but somehow fitting.

I took in a deep breath and let it fill my lungs. These were the smells I remembered and had missed. A huge smile lit my face as I took in the kitchen. It looked as if a five year old hand gone wild and overdid the decorations. There were brown and red streamers everywhere and balloons that matched littering the floor. Confetti was placed sporadically on the granite counters with turkey cutouts taped to the fridge, stove, and microwave. It looked like a Thanksgiving Day explosion, but yet again it felt complete. The best part had been a banner that hung in the middle of the hall that read: Welcome Home – Baby Mama – Baby Daddy – and Little Tater Tot.

"I think Emmett and Peter may have gone a little overboard," He said between his exasperation.

That was quite the understatement, but I truly didn't mind. It did, however, explain why the decorations were so juvenile. I laughed again at the sight before I fought my way through the hundreds of balloons and other festive decorations to the living room. In all my thoughts of today it had never crossed my mind that it was already that time of year where we gave thanks for everything we had been blessed with. I thankful I wouldn't have to clean that mess, just having a baby would come very much in handy.

Cheyenne's cries started and I knew it was time for her feeding. I could hear Jasper in the kitchen getting her bottle ready before he finally made his way through the battle zone that was Thanksgiving décor and sat beside me.

I gently took the hungry baby from his arms before giving her what she needed. She immediately started to drink as she watched me through her blue eyes. I had wanted to have a different experience with her while eating, but by the time I had awoken she became use to formula and thus my natural milk wasn't needed. It was something that saddened me, but as Jasper tried to tell me, _there were now a host of people that were now able and more than willing to help with the feedings, _and goodness was he telling the truth. Wars were already being started among the Cullen's about her feedings, but when that feeding came out the other end in smelly disarray, everyone was conveniently busy. One couldn't get everything in life, but I was sure close to perfection.

"And now real life begins again," I said to no one in general.

Jasper wrapped his arm around my shoulder while caressing Cheyenne's cheek as she ate.

"That it does, angel . . . that it does."

* * *

Author's Notes Continued: Goodness that was a painful chapter to write, not in the emotions department, but in regards to the length of time it took to write. It took me over two weeks to even have the courage and ability to write these words that I still don't like. I'm not going to go down to their hateful level to a scathing review, but just ask that if you truly hate the story than please don't read it.

I wanted to thank all of those who give me such wonderful words about the story and the characters. I'm not just talking about the praise, but also the respectful criticism. I've reread those words over the course of writing this chapter and they have truly helped. I'm grateful for the input and the thoughts. I'll be posting another chapter on Thursday for Thanksgiving.

Much, much love as always.

_Posted: 22 November 2010_


	5. Chapter V

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Chapter Five**

"_All you need in the world is love and laughter. That's all anybody needs: to have love in one hand and laughter in the other."_

_- August Wilson_

26 November – Thursday – Rosie's POV

I wasn't surprised by the picture I saw in front of me. It was how I always pictured Bella and Jasper: beautiful, inspiring, and always each other's. I didn't know the entire story of their past or the individual trials each had to succumb without the other, but I could so clearly see their love and I couldn't wait for them to surrender to the love that just awaited their approval.

As I held Cheyenne in my arms, after picking her up from her crib, I watched her parents. A wide but soft smile came to my lips. Jasper and Bella were lying on the bed, holding onto the other as if they would never be able to partake of their shared emotions again. From her even breathing I could tell she was asleep, and for that I couldn't blame her, she had quite an eventful day. Carlisle had confided in me that Bella had been ready to leave by six this morning. It was a natural reaction, wanting to flee from the place that brought you nightmares and bad memories; I just couldn't understand the appeal that Jasper and Carlisle had found in its halls.

Bella's head rested on Jasper's chest, but was cradled with a soft blanket. I knew Jasper had added that for her benefit, we weren't really built with yielding skin and muscles. Her right leg rested on top of his crossed ones and her hand was propped under her chin, giving her more of that innocent look she already had in spades. Jasper's arms were naturally wrapped around his angel with his right hand buried in her hair. His left hand stroked her cheek continuously. His eyes were barely cracked open as he watched Bella breathe in and out, being lulled by her steady heart's rhythm.

There was a peace about the room and the entwined couple before me. Their tranquil embrace caused my heart to swell with love for them. I brought Cheye closer to my body and placed butterfly kisses over her face, making sure not to wake her.

"Hey, Rosie, are you enjoying the view with my little beauty?" my charming brother asked.

I knew he was just joking; the softness in his voice gave him away every time. It could have also been the fact that he was holding his life in his very arms. If there was anyone who truly deserved a happy existence, it was him. I would never be able to comprehend the anguish he had lived through, but I could wish him happiness in this sometimes wretched world.

Before I could answer his tongue in cheek question he spoke again for only a vampire to hear, "Don't feel sorry for me, sister," he pleaded, gently. "I am happy, even if I still fear losing her."

His fingers grazed over her lips and closed eyelids. His tender strokes over her flushed face spoke that very truth.

"How could anyone not fear losing such beauty?" He may have been talking about her looks, but his statement was all encompassing. He spoke of the goodness and integrity within her delicate body.

"I have that fear also, brother," I told him honestly. "But today isn't for such depressing thought. Carlisle, Esme, and Emmett are on their way over. If I hadn't beaten Carlisle or Esme here I may not have gotten to hold this little one here. We both know how much Papa C can commandeer her time."

We were all familiar with the depth of love Carlisle had for his family and children, but even that had been underestimated. We witnessed a new depth as we watched him with Cheyenne. It was unfortunate my pessimistic mind was still weary of the other shoe falling. Again I banished such notions from my thoughts.

"As if you are any better with sharing her, Rosie?" he jested, but there was truth to his words.

I was more than guilty of charged, and happily so. I stuck my tongue out at him before winking and leaving the newly reacquainted couple to their lonesome. I had just wanted to watch their love for a brief moment.

...

Bella's POV

"Bella, could you please stop groaning. I'm trying to watch football!" he complained. I couldn't help that I had over-eaten and expressed that with my sighs.

"I ate too much, Emmett, please forgive me for daring to make such a noise as you watch your precious football game."

"It's not as if you ate that much, lightweight. I could out eat you without even having to try."

I was instantly intrigued by his innocent words. He really should have thought before he spoke.

"Care to put your big mouth where your ego is, Emmett, darling."

He rolled his eyes as if I were a little child aggravating him.

He waved his hand in a dismissal fashion before he spoke in a bored voice, "Too easy, Bell."

"Oh, I understand, you don't have the brawn or in your simple terms – balls – to try it. All you can do is open your mouth and talk a big talk," I tormented him, trying to keep my mirth hidden.

Emmett was too easy to rile up, one mention about his failing manhood and he was all for a challenge. I could hear snickers from around the room as they took in Emmett's surprised reaction at my words before it turned into a scandalous look.

"I could eat that garbage you call food, wench," he huffed, trying once again to reaffirm said failing manhood.

I wasn't offended by his name calling, but in fact entertained. Emmett was so much fun to play with. It was unfortunate I wasn't eating liver.

"Not all of us weight as much as a bird."

"How about a little bet, Emm? Are you man enough, or should I say vampire enough, for a challenge?" I teased in a sly voice, just waiting for his answer, and like I had anticipated, the wait wasn't long.

"Bring it, Bella."

He reminded me of one of those teen movies that are about cheering and terrible acting that Rose and I had watched. I could only imagine Emmett as a male cheerleader, calling for his team to GO, GO, Cougars. That mental picture had me laughing while everyone looked at me as if I were crazy.

"Sorry," I quickly apologized before wiping my eyes, "I got distracted." Jasper gave me an indulgent smile as if he had known what I was thinking.

I knew he was just able to feel my amusement and cunning emotions.

"Here are the terms, _Spirit Fingers_," Everyone, including my opponent looked confused by the nickname, but Rose started to laugh at the reference, that was my girl friend. "You have to eat an entire plate of turkey with all these lovely trimmings that Esme has made without gagging more than four times. If you're able to do that then you get a whole day free of cursing without fear of reprimand." I could see the hesitation on Esme and Carlisle's face, but they had nothing to worry about. "If I win then you have to tell everyone here three things you love most about Edward. They must be positive. Do you accept, Emmaline?" I just had to rub salt in his bruised ego.

He rubbed his hands together like some mad scientist before he answered, "Hell yes I accept, Isabell-NERD". Did he honestly think his lame attempt at changing my name was funny? It didn't even make sense.

"Could you make him a plate, Esme?" I asked sweetly. "I wouldn't want him to think I had somehow cheated and given him more than was necessary."

"With pleasure, darling," she said sweetly.

I think everyone was intrigued to see Emmett and his natural reaction to eating something his body would refuse eventually. After she got the plate ready and set it in front of him, everyone else had gathered around the table and took seats. Esme kissed his head before she sat next to Carlisle. "Good luck, son!" they both said together in sympathy.

"On the count of three you may began. Remember that you can only gag no more than four times; the fifth time you gag, I win."

He rolled his eyes and I giggled.

"One . . . Two . . . Three," everyone said together as Emmett smirked, picked up his fork, and ate his first bite of turkey.

As he chewed his smirk turned from one of a happy variety to one of sickness. If I hadn't known better I would claimed he looked almost green. He swallowed his first bite before glaring at me with all his might. I only found it to be funny.

"Mmm, isn't that just delicious, darling," I taunted.

His next mouthful didn't go down as well as the first. His gag was loud and seemed to reverberate around the high ceiling of the dining room. His eyes filled with his venom as he banged his hand on the table, struggling with swallowing.

Everyone around started to laugh at his plight. Esme did look more sympathetic, but even that couldn't keep the laughter from erupting.

"Yeah, that piece of meat did look to have a big vein of fat running through it. I know that fat can be pretty rubbery. Oh, well one down," I claimed through my own smirk.

"Ewff awf . . ." he said around his next mouthful.

Pieces of cranberry flew out of his opening as he tried swallowing, poor dear. I had no intention of 'effing off'. His next few mouthfuls went a little more smoothly, but after seeing what was on his fork – I knew the peace wasn't going to last. I wondered how the food felt in his stomach as it refused to digest it, something akin to lead I would imagine. I tried to keep my own sympathetic feelings for him at bay.

The next gag had him hitting the floor as he pounded the ground, trying to get the sweet potatoes and very sticky marshmallows down his throat. I wondered if it was the gooey marshmallows that caused it to stick in his esophagus which didn't allow him to swallow properly; oh well.

One would think that the way he carried on he was about to die. It was fortunate he didn't fall into that category. Esme, being the concerned mother that she was, rushed to his side and pounded on his back. With some coaxing, he was finally able to swallow. As I wiped my tears, I watched him slide weakly into his chair and look at his plate wearily. He didn't look like that big tough, bloviating vampire from before. He gave me a pleading look that had me smirking, "two down . . . I thought you could handle this little bet, Emmett. Perhaps I should get you some heels for Christmas to go with your weak stomach."

"His favorite color is eggplant," my gorgeous vampire intoned. Jasper was just too perfect.

Emmett flipped his brother off before he was scolded by Esme for improper behavior.

"Come on, son, let's either finish this challenge or throw in the retreating white flag." Emmett just glared at Carlisle, wise enough not to say anything, at least with Esme sitting at the table.

He picked his fork up again and avoided the sweet potatoes. It was already over. He still had to consume the rest of the sweet potatoes, and we already knew he couldn't get those down without trying to bring up his innards.

Emmett went for his next bite, which was also a mistake. I had enjoyed Esme's cooking, but I knew that he wouldn't be able to handle this part; even my father had hated the way Renee made that particular side, (it was one of the memories I had with all of us sharing a meal together. There weren't many of those moments together). I couldn't really blame him.

Emmett opened up wide and in it went. I had specifically asked Esme to make the gravy with the heart and gizzard from the turkey. I know it didn't sound like the most appetizing thing, but it brought back sweet memories that weren't tainted with bitterness, loneliness, and divorce.

And like an avalanche, Emmett tumbled off the side of the mountain. The mash potatoes and gravy hadn't even made it halfway down before we were privileged to see it once again ooze out of his mouth and dribble from his chin as his throat completely rejected what he tried to swallow.

"I probably should have warned you about those floating bits of the dead animal, hmm, Emmett?" I never professed to be the angel that Jasper seemed to think I was.

My words didn't help as Emmett ran from the room and into the guest bathroom. I was just grateful he had the manners to shut the door so we could only hear the faint sounds of him being sick, at least me the human with imperfect hearing.

Jasper suddenly grabbed me from my chair, and caused my heart rate to accelerate from the sudden movement, or so I liked to believe. I winced a little at the jarring movement, but tried my best to suppress the rest. Jasper looked stricken at causing me pain, but I kissed his cheek, proving to him I was fine.

"You are such a sinful little kitten, Bella," he whispered in my ear before he gently kissed my neck below where he spoke. Goodness, the emotions he was able to illicit from my body.

"Enough, Jasper, let Bella breath and glory in her victory. It was well earned," Carlisle said and Jasper pouted at being interrupted; I couldn't say I blamed him. I shyly got up from his lap, trying to hide my infernal blush.

"Nice try, Bella, but we all know you have very flushed cheeks," my former best friend teased me.

She poked my side as I hid my face in my arms, waiting for the additional blood to leave and allowing my color to return to normal. She played with my hair as we waited for Emmett to return. He did have an obligation to fulfill.

They all talked about making sure Edward witnessed this in their thoughts. It was one of the reasons I made the bet. Emmett often gave him a hard time, so I thought it was nice retribution. I also wanted to know what he loved about his brother. The talking stopped as we heard the bathroom door open and someone come to a stop before us.

"Are you feeling well again, son?" Carlisle asked in a sincere voice. He was too much of a softie, although I also felt a little guilty for making him endure the painful gagging.

"It's time for you to fulfill your part of the bet, honey," Emmett's wife said, not trying to hide her amusement at all. "Three things you love most about our darling brother. Three positive things you love most about Edward. Three things that you just absolutely and unfailingly love –"

"I think he understands, Rose, but thanks for the clarification," Carlisle interrupted, saving Emmett's derrière. Rose just rolled her eyes at having her fun taken away and her mature husband stuck his tongue out at her.

He gagged a little causing us all another laugh. It must have been a delayed reaction from earlier.

"Whenever you're recovered, son," Carlisle said, clearing his throat. Even the esteemed doctor couldn't help but laugh.

Emmett gave one more glare before his face instantly changed into a wide smile. I wondered how Jasper was able to deal with such fast changing emotions from the entire room.

"Hmm, the things I love most about my Eddie . . . well I do love Eddie's ass stick. It's fun to try and dislodge every now and then. He keeps such tight reign over it, you see." Emmett started to laugh as if he had told the greatest joke in the world. It looked like he couldn't be held down for too long. When he realized no one else was laughing, he stopped and scowled at us. He wasn't going to get off that easily.

"Nice try, husband, now get serious. The football game is on and you're missing it." That got him to calm down.

Emmett started to shift where he stood as if he were too embarrassed to continue. Revenge was sweet.

"I like how –" Again, he was interrupted.

"That won't due, husband. The terms stated what _you loved about Edward_, not liked. Also, Bella has to understand what you say or else it won't count, so no talking at vampire speed." We snickered at his continued unease.

"Fine!" he pouted before plunging ahead. "I _loveee_," he over pronounced, "the way Edward is talented at music. Even though he is obsessed with his precious piano, he is very gifted at playing and composing music. He could be a professional if he wanted." It was almost like pulling teeth for poor Emmett.

"That was well put, darling," Esme gushed. "I know your brother would appreciate your beautiful words about his musical abilities." Emmett looked gob smacked at the thought of Edward finding out. Did he honestly think that he wouldn't be able to his read mind? "What's next, darling?" she asked in a dreamy voice.

I guess love did that to a mother. I needed to watch the way I sounded. I loved my little Cheyenne, but I didn't want to sound that airy while speaking of her.

"I love," Emmett grumbled, embarrassed by Esme's display of adoring words, "Edward's ability to read minds. I know that he sees it as a burden, but it is really awesome. Not only can he know everything, but he has the ability to protect our family." I didn't really understand what he meant by protecting his family, but that was fine. It probably had something to do with before I had been acquainted with the Cullen's.

Emmett swallowed as if what he just said had been distasteful, or maybe he just tasted his Thanksgiving dinner again.

"And . . ." he said in a long-winded voice as if he were completely bored, "No matter what he thinks, I know he has a soul. Edward is one of the best vampires I have met, and I think it a privilege to call him my brother, no matter how much I may tease him," Emmett mumbled under his breath.

I could barely understand his words, but I got the gist of what he said. He may have thought it embarrassing expressing his emotions, but I thought his words were beautiful in regards to his brother. Emmett yelled something about football and hitting before he ran from the room at vampire speed.

"Well, I guess my work is accomplished, and I'm grateful for my family and the love they have given to me," I said looking around the table into each pair of tawny eyes that gazed into mine.

I gave an extra wink to the vampire with the dark amber eyes that I loved the most. _Goodness, I'm not going to last much longer,_ I thought as his face shined with his returned affections. So I did what any normal, scared girl would do, I ran away from that particular thought and distracted myself with thoughts of Emmett's loss. I knew, however; the time was fast approaching and no amount of running could stop my errant emotions that wanted to burst.

...

Rosie's POV

After Bella had eaten her dinner that Esme had so wonderfully prepared and watched Emmett suffer defeat, we settled into the living room and watched the football game that was on. It wasn't my first choice, but if everyone else was here, then that is where I wanted to be also.

My family was my existence. Emmett had his arm wrapped around my waist as he yelled at the quarterback for doing something wrong. He was nothing but a big teddy bear with a penchant for getting on his families nerves, as he had already displayed. We all loved him dearly, even if we did want to slap him at times. It was just part of the package that was Emmett and I welcomed everything that he offered. He was after all my love.

Carlisle and Esme were sitting next to us on the couch and also embracing. One would never guess it, but Esme was a closeted football fan. She may have been prim and proper at times, but when she thought she wasn't being watched, she could also become engaged in the game, even more so than Emmett. It seemed as if today she was fully letting inner football freak go.

"Oh, come on," Esme yelled at the television, "The QB was clearly out of the pocket. Talk about a blatant attempt at intentional grounding."

We all looked at her as if she had sprouted wings. She had the good grace to give us a sheepish smile. Carlisle just laughed at his wife before kissing her face.

"Okay, so I like football," she defended in her cultured voice that sounded so out of place. "Can't a woman have a guilty pleasure?" Carlisle leaned over and whispered into her ear for all to hear about him fulfilling that role.

"Please, you two, those are imagines I don't need in my head," Jasper said with a little shudder and Bella giggled at his reaction with stained cheeks.

"There is such a thing as too much information." I said, adding my own shudder.

We knew that Esme and Carlisle weren't that much older than us, but when one truly looked to them as parents, there were some things that one didn't want to picture. They were entitled to their romance, but I liked to believe that that part of their relationship didn't exist. Although with my big mouth husband, there wasn't much about our sex life that wasn't broadcasted.

"You, randy dog, Carlisle; one can never be too old for a good bout of amazing sex," said big mouth husband yelled.

"Please, little innocent, naive Emmett," Carlisle said in a patronizing voice, causing us all to laugh. "I could give even you pointers," he finished in a cocky voice, not heard very often from him. Emmett looked awe struck, not something that happened very often.

"Carlisle, behave yourself," Esme said in a scandalous voice.

But after watching Emmett's reaction towards her I knew Esme was secretly proud of her hubby. She was after all still a woman whom found pride in her husband's dexterity in the bedroom (tried valiantly to stop the shudder).

Carlisle just laughed and kissed his wife's neck. In that moment, Cheyenne had taken the opportunity to awaken and tell us she wasn't happy about being left alone. I took advantage of both Esme and Carlisle distraction and got up. Of course it was done at vampire speed and scared Bella a little. She still wasn't used to our fast pace because it wasn't something she saw very often. We had been careful around her while she had been carrying Cheyenne.

"Please, be careful?" she asked in that worried, mother voice that always came naturally when protecting their children.

I wasn't offended, but proud of her worry for her beloved, little daughter. She had been worried after seeing my immense speed. I was also grateful she had allowed me the opportunity to be the one to hold Cheyenne. She was so unselfish and giving. I loved Bella all the more for those qualities.

…

I approached the crib and watched as the beautiful child before me cried her little lungs out. She sounded as if she had never been held in all of her young life. I knew she couldn't control her crying. All she knew was that she needed something and the only way to have that accomplished was to sound her alarm. She never had to cry for long before she was immediately picked up and coddled. No one could stand to see her breathtaking face looking sad for even a moment.

My family all had their moments of regrets and challenges, and we didn't want Cheyenne to have to feel any of those stings life could hand out. We had thought Bella was our redeeming grace, but even she couldn't compare to the innocence and wonder her little daughter brought into our eternal lives.

I bent down and picked up the soft sunflower chenille blanket that was lying in the corner of her mahogany crib, another splurge that Carlisle had made. Once again, Bella couldn't scold him for something she thought extravagant. She thought of him too much as a father to reprimand his behavior. She was just weak when it came to both Carlisle and Jasper.

I placed the blanket over my shoulder, trying to make sure I protected the little one from my body's coldness and unnatural hardness. I reached for the most precious thing I ever held in my arms and placed her little fragile body onto the blanket before I kissed her forehead.

"There's my adored little darling," I whispered near her ear.

I gently swayed back and forth, letting my body move in its natural reaction while comforting a crying child. Her wails became whimpers as she finally realized she was being held in the safety of someone she recognized. It amazed me that someone so little and new could tell the difference between someone whom loved her versus a stranger. While in the nursery she wouldn't calm unless she was being held by Carlisle, Jasper, Esme, or me. We had given her and surrounded her with our unconditional love while her mother fought for her life.

I knew her cries were for some attention and not due to a need to be changed or because she was hungry. She had already eaten and been changed. Cheye just wanted to feel someone's love. I think she was becoming addicted to being held all the time. That was fine with me; I could devote my life to simply holding her as she went through her life, protecting her with my very existence.

I made my way over to the matching rocking chair in the corner of her room by the window and sat down. The simplicity of this moment was something I had always craved and longed for. Cheyenne looked at me with her newborn eyes with all the wonder one feels at that age. Her fingers curled around index finger. I feared that they would become too cold, but she held steadfast, as if my coldness didn't matter.

"Is it any wonder I love you so truly, darling," I murmured to her face.

My love for her was bursting inside of me, and I felt the intense need to tell her of that love. I never wanted her to doubt anything she may have stirred inside of me. The love that coursed through me lingered in every part of my body, bringing me to life for that one moment when everything is perfect and surreal. Cheyenne's unintentional presence often made me feel this way and I yearned for those delicate moments with her.

Today was very fitting, she was an idea that I had never attained in my short human life, but was beyond grateful because I had that now; _Thanksgiving_ for the little life in my embrace.

"I love you more than anything," I whispered in a moment of true peace and tranquility. The bad thoughts that usually clawed at me, reminding me of my past sins, were muted and put to rest.

"I thought you loved me the most." my other baby yelled from the living room.

Emmett was brash and usually spoke before he thought, but I loved him all the same. He loved me so completely that I never questioned his adoration in the slightest. How could you when his every look towards me was filled with, love, lust, and anticipation for what our life together held.

I laughed at his childish reactions. He never failed to make me smile, even when he was being bopped over the head.

"I love you too, Emmett," I said in exasperation as I looked down at the little one. "Your Uncle Emmett is an acquired taste, Cheye," I told her in all honesty. I still didn't believe that Edward was accustomed to him, not that I could blame him.

"I know, baby," he yelled even though he knew I could hear him as clearly even if he whispered; that just wasn't his way. "I'm still a sexy beast even though I'm now an uncle. I know I'll be her favorite because all Eddie will do is turn her into an emo and play his precious piano to her," he exclaimed in confidence.

I know he loved Edward because I had asked Jasper once if Emmett truly did love his brother and he confirmed that to me. He also said that Emmett loved getting a rise out of his family and Edward always rose to the challenge. Once Edward learned to ignore him, Emmett would move on, although it wasn't easy to ignore a huge vampire such as my Emm.

"There's no reason to yell, Emmett, Rose can hear you just fine, dear," Esme gently reminded him. I smiled at their dynamic. It was even funny to see him cower before her, not that we all didn't.

"Sure, Emmett, you'll be her favorite," I placated him. He wasn't difficult to please. His attention, however; was already on the next thing. "He's silly, my little love," I told the child in my arms whose eyes were now drooping due to the rocking, soft voice, and comfort she felt in being taken care of. Damn she was beyond beautiful.

My beauty held no competition to hers, and for once I was fine with that. She was meant to outshine everyone, and I knew she would. Indeed, I was grateful for her presence in my life.

On a day that I never really paid homage to or really celebrated, I did today. I had my reasons to pay respect today. Usually Thanksgiving was spent watching football with Emmett and trying to dodge his wandering hands, not that I put up much of an effort. We as vampires didn't eat human food and why was one day set apart for one to be thankful for their blessings. These were just some of the superficial reasons I didn't celebrate, but it wasn't the soul deep reason.

I had no reason to be thankful for my existence. I knew I sounded like a completely selfish person, and I was that person, but it was never easy dealing with someone you never wanted to be for eternity. I had an amazing family and a loving husband. I had looks that any woman would want, regardless of what they said aloud; everyone wanted to be beautiful physically. Even though these were amazing blessings, I never really took advantage of them.

Mine was more of a silent change. I didn't need to go on a journey like Jasper's to find that balance between learning to control my bloodlust and finding the meaning of human life and the delicate stability. I really could have cared less about humans. There blood didn't really call to me because I had never tasted that flavor. My track record was astounding, even better than the Amazing Carlisle. Not many could claim that victory.

Then with a fright in thinking that Jasper had slipped, and ending with a pregnant woman putting my cold hand on her beautifully swollen stomach, I came crashing down with absurdity. My quick decent was illogical, but real.

I had fallen off my golden pedestal that I put myself on. I fell into an admiring love with a woman who had become my best friend and greatest supporter sans Emmett. Her love wasn't the greatest thing she had given to me. She had allowed me into the life of her little daughter with open arms, and more importantly with an open heart. I had been there to witness that little life, which came into the world with a full set of lungs and announced her birth.

There are moments in life, or in my case an existence, one never forgets, and seeing new life for the first time was one of those moments. Cheye had captured me the first time I felt her under my hand, but I tumbled even further than imagined when I witnessed her beautiful little body screaming from her harsh introduction into the world.

Having a child was something I had always envisioned for myself. I never wanted anything more than being a mother, but in this crazy thing called life, not everything happens as planned.

My body should have been dust floating around the world in all its primitive state, not still living and hard as a stone slab. I should have passed with my grandchildren surrounding me as I looked into their faces for the last time and saw myself in each of them. I should have passed with a smile lingering on my wrinkled face, thinking about the astonishing moments of love, laughter, heartache, and the last kiss my beloved placed on my mouth before I joined him in the eternity I truly longed for.

These were things that I always contemplated and could never achieve. These were my greatest regrets. But in all of those moments I was still grateful for my family, and most especially Emmett. Now I had Bella and Cheyenne, and those things that had always brought me to my lowest points seemed to fade into the background.

I knew they would always be there, but they were now whispers and not the loud voices that always reminded me of the many flaws I always carried. My love for Cheyenne and Bella had replaced those terrible things with their love for me. I now had a purpose, as I rocked that purpose in my arms, I continued to fill those voids with that infinite devotion and adoration I would always hold for both mother and daughter.

"I love you, Cheyenne," I gently told her over and over as she slept in the warmth of her blanket swaddled in my embrace. "And you, Bella."

The sound of the rocking chair on the floor and the monotony of the movement lulled us both into the wellbeing of the other, letting the world and the constant problems disappear.

_Thanksgiving Indeed. _

* * *

Author's Notes: Thanks to all those who have read this chapter. I know it may have been boring and lacked any real Jasper/Bella action, but I wanted it to be more of a reflective chapter about Rose's progression. I wanted her to have something to be grateful for, and also to explain the reason she may have changed to a degree. It was also fun to write in someone else's POV. So if you feel inclined, please let me know your thoughts, if not that's fine also. :P

To those who have reviewed, you are all so very delightful. Your words were so very beautiful and a healing balm to me. I'm truly thankful for the support.

A Happy Thanksgiving to all who live in the States, or who recognize the holiday. A special thanks to all the Service Men and Women and their families who are fighting for our freedoms and their sacrifices.

_Posted 25 November 2010_


	6. Chapter VI

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's Notes: Hello loves and please enjoy. Thanks to Calliso for the extra help, concern, and finding the picture of Cheye's crib and rocking chair. Pictures posted on profile page.

**Chapter Six**

_We loved with a love that was more than love. _

_- Edgar Allan Poe_

27 November – Friday Morning – Bella's POV

I woke up and noticed Jasper wasn't beside me. I loved opening up my eyes (which I had been thankful for every time since almost passing) and seeing his stunning face. I pouted a little at him not being there, but quickly got over it. The first night back from the hospital had been tiring. Cheyenne had been in a new place and was somewhat fussy. I had gotten up each time and attended to my precious daughter. By the fourth time I was running a little behind. By the time I had reached her, Esme was already holding her and cooing into her tiny face. She was a beautiful woman, and looked almost ethereal holding Cheyenne in her arms.

_**The night before**_

"_Thanks for getting to her in time," I said in a grateful voice. She turned to me and smiled before handing over my little daughter._

"_It's never a problem, darling. She is too much of a joy." Everyone felt that way about Cheye. She was a lucky little girl. "I already changed her, Bella darling. She's ready to eat." Another huge blessing, it wasn't that I minded changing her, but it was an added bonus to have someone willingly do it. _

"_You're a heaven sent, Esme." I took Cheyenne little glass bottle and watched as she greedily drank her milk. She had a healthy appetite. She looked at me as I looked at her. I couldn't believe that this little person had spent almost nine months growing in my body. She hardly looked like me, but that was fine. I wanted Cheye to be her own person. In between her burping and finishing her meal, she had fallen asleep again. Her little lips still moved as she slept. I gently got up and made my way over to her sleigh crib that had no doubt cost a fortune. Before I could place her down Esme interrupted me. _

"_Do you mind me holding her for a little while longer, darling?" she asked in an almost timid voice. _

"_Of course, Esme, you never have to ask," I reassured her. I felt bad that Esme felt she needed to ask permission. I kissed my daughter's forehead before handing the sleeping angel over. I watched as Esme's eyes glassed over with her boundless affection. She sat down in the gliding chair and started to softly talk to Cheye again. She was the eternal mother. _

_I looked once more before I left and returned to bed. _

The thought of last night and the peace of the moment made me smile. I got up and walked over to the nursery, and was shocked by what I saw. Esme was still holding Cheyenne and looked as if she had been there all night. Cheye was sleeping as she was rocked over and over. It was again a beautiful picture, but I was worried that my daughter would become accustomed to being held too often. I knew that in the hospital she had also been coddled beyond belief, but that was when they were uncertain about my condition. I didn't want Cheyenne to become one of those babies that couldn't be put down. She was already difficult to put to bed without falling asleep in someone's arms, mostly Jasper's.

I didn't say anything as I walked into the room and went about getting her ready for the day.

* * *

29 November – Sunday Afternoon – Bella's POV

From the voices coming from the living room, I could tell that everyone was in there. I could hear laughs coming from Rose and Esme as they made fun of Carlisle. I turned the corner and saw him holding Cheyenne and making faces at her. She was still too young to respond to such things, but that never stopped Carlisle from engaging with his little love. I could see from my position that she watched him with rapt attention and held onto his finger with her tiny hand. I always wondered if the coldness from his finger would be too much for her, but Carlisle and the other Cullen's made sure to keep their hands warm from heat compresses.

"You love your papa Carlisle, don't you, little love. Whom do you love the most, precious?" he asked as if she would answer. Everyone else was more than willing to answer that question.

"She loves her Auntie Rosie the most, Carlisle," she told him with confidence.

"Cheyenne loves her Nana the best, darlings," Esme corrected them. It was funny to see mythical creatures fighting over who a human baby loved the most that couldn't even go the whole day without sleeping. We were a sad bunch. Jasper continued to take pictures with his favorite camera. He gave me a wink before I entered the room.

"She loves her mama the most," I informed them with a smile on my face. "Have you held her all this time, Carlisle?" I asked with caution. I had been sleeping for a couple hours after my favorite vampire had all but jumped down my throat about doing too much and not getting enough rest. I took a seat next to Carlisle and touched my daughter's cheek. She looked over to me and held my attention. He handed her over to me, and I cuddled her closer. I loved her with my life. I kissed her forehead before standing up and putting her in the cradle that was in the living room. She started to whimper a little, but I rubbed her stomach and pushed her little bed. She quieted down and I waited until she fell asleep. The others in the room talked in hushed voice so they wouldn't wake her.

When she was down for the count, I took my vacated seat next to Carlisle and played with Jasper's hair as he sat in front of me. He did like to snuggle, my vampire baby. Esme and Rose continued with their discussion so I focused on the guilty party.

"So had you been holding her that long, papa Carlisle? Don't think I didn't notice you not answering." He gave me a sheepish look before he admitted to his crime. "Carlisle," I cried in exasperation. "You know my fears about her being too used to being held. You as a doctor even know," I reminded him. He gave me another sheepish look that made my heart softened.

"Isabella, she was just too cute to put down," was his pathetic answer. Everyone laughed at his childish voice. He was too whipped when it came to that little baby.

"Please just try, for me, papa." I gave him the look that usually got me what I wanted. He melted and assured me that he would try to be better. I only hoped that he would.

"One would think that a three hundred plus vampire would be able to stick up to two human girls," Jasper teased his father about falling over himself in regards to Cheyenne and me. Jasper wasn't any better, but I let them have their fun. They continued to roast poor Carlisle, until I had my own fun and reminded them of their weaknesses when it came to the seven pound plus human. That quieted them down a lot.

I loved the Cullen's so very much and their dynamic in my life.

* * *

30 November – Monday Evening – Bella's POV

Carlisle and Esme had decided to stay with us for the two first weeks since we had come home. They wanted to help with the transition, and I was more than willing to let them help. I welcomed them with open arms and a grateful heart. I was so new to this process of being a mother that I always feared of doing something wrong. Both Carlisle and Esme had been there to gently instruct and give me loving praise when I had done something right. I knew the praise wasn't needed, but it truly did help me to feel more confident about my mothering abilities.

It had been on the fourth night since my return from the hospital that I really received my first parenting decision, that didn't mean it was honored. I know that it was mean of me, but it had gone too far.

As I had tried to put Cheyenne down the other night, it had been almost impossible because of her piercing cries that sounded when I put her down. She had spent the last two day almost being held constantly. Carlisle had really tried but it wasn't only his fault. Jasper had also not helped. He loved Cheyenne so much and never wanted to put her down. It wasn't really until I went to bed at night and he joined me, that he could tear himself from her presence. I had tried to warn them, but it was as if the vampires had selective hearing. It had been the same with trying to talk to them about money and the amount they spent. The Cullen's were impervious when it came to something they didn't want to hear, they were maddening; the whole lot.

So now we sat, under my very strict direction, listening to Cheyenne cry. I had also hated to hear her crying her heart out, but I also wanted her to know that not everything would be there when she wanted. She may have been too young to learn the lesson, but something had to be done. I wasn't into the Ferber Method, but Cheyenne was way past what was healthy in being comforted. She never spent any time in her crib except when I had put her there after she had fallen asleep in Jasper's arms. She would wake up and immediately start to cry. I would change her if she were wet and feed her if she needed it and then try to put her down again. It didn't sit well with her. She's start to cry again, and just break my heart.

Esme had her eyes shut and her head thrown against the back of the chair she sat in. I knew she was trying to block out the baby's cries. She didn't need the baby monitor to hear her wails. Carlisle had his head in his hands while leaning forward. He was sitting in the chair next to Esme and wasn't doing much better than his wife. I knew her cries tore at his heart, but he had to let her alone for a little while. I knew this was just a start and hopefully would help. Jasper sat next to me and had his face buried in my neck. I had my arms around his shoulders, also knowing that this wasn't easy for him. Cheyenne was the daughter of his heart. He was breathing hard as struggled with the situation.

I had asked them to let her alone for fifteen minutes, allow her to cry and start to become used to not being held all the time. They honored my wishes because I was her mother, but they acted as if someone had been killed. It wasn't more than seven minutes before Carlisle jumped up and started to apologize to me.

"I'm sorry, Isabella, but I cannot stand to hear my little love cry. She wants to be held and I need to comfort her," he pleaded in an agonized voice. He didn't wait for my answer but immediately left the living room at vampire speed and entered her nursery. Talk about me a big pile of utter goo. I could no longer hear her cries, but sad little whimpers as she felt someone pick her up.

I sighed a little at his weakness, but was also internally happy that I no longer had to listen to her loud cries. Esme was looking around and had a relieved look on her face. We were all pathetic. We had been brought to our knees by a baby. Jasper kept his face in my neck, but gave a sigh. His breath tickled my neck and I moved away a little from the tickling sensation. Jasper pulled me back and laughed at my reaction. He gave a light kiss to my neck.

"Your too much, angel," He whispered and I gently elbowed him in the side, trying not to hurt myself. He laughed again and I just pouted. I could never win with the Cullen family. I heard Carlisle's voice as he changed Cheye's diaper and talked to her, letting her know she wasn't alone.

"Did you do a little poopy in your diaper, love? You are a stinky little girl. I still love you even though you stink, you know that your papa C loves you," He said to her in a high voice. We all laughed at his antics with her. Here was the distinguished doctor talking about elimination to his little love. It was an endearing moment that I hoped to never forget. When Carlisle was like this, I loved even more. He didn't care about image or being the best doctor. He was someone who simply enjoyed being with his family, even if he was a light weight.

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7 December – Wednesday – Bella's POV

My first real challenge had come not long after the second week of Cheyenne and me being home. The week had been wonderful and filled with so much love that I felt as if I were drowning, and the occasional scolding for holding her too often. I had never really experienced so much combined love all at once that it overwhelmed me at times. Cheyenne only flourished under the attention. No matter how much I loved them and appreciated their help, I wanted to try and do most of the things Cheyenne had needed done on my own. I wanted to experience all of those moments of frustrations and anxieties that new parents feel. I never wanted to look back on my time with her and regret any decision. My daughter inspired such desire in me and always a want to be better. The Cullen's understood this need and allowed me to be. They never pushed, but stood by and helped out when I needed it the most.

Cheye had been fussy during the day. Carlisle had assured me that it was normal, and just like everyone else she was also settling into a routine. I tried to understand the advice, but no matter how I tried to comfort her, she wouldn't budge. She only wanted Jasper's embrace and his presence close to her. In the moments when she had calmed after he picked her up I would smile and watch in wonderment at their connection. I could tell that Carlisle wanted to try and understand better their bond, but I hoped he left it in the beautiful world of obscurity where it belonged. It was something special, not really to be examined under a microscope, but admired.

After I had finally settled her in for the night and fallen asleep with my favorite person next to me, I was woken up in what seemed like minutes. Cheye's wails pierced the air and had my overtired body rising from the bed once again. I knew I was overdoing it, and had tired myself out, but I had wanted to be there for her. My mother hadn't been the best example so I never wanted Cheye to think otherwise. I always wanted her to be secure in my affections for her. I realized I still had lingering issues, but it wasn't the time to psychoanalyze my insecurities. Jasper had tried to talk me out of going and offering instead to take my place, but I could be stubborn when pushed and not thinking clearly.

I made my way tiredly into her room right next to ours and picked up my screaming daughter, bringing her close to my body. All the baby books claimed that physical contact at such a young age was very important and helped to develop the bond between caregiver and the one accepting. I rocked her from side to side, trying to get her to quiet down. No matter how many soft words I spoke or times I kissed her flushed face, she wouldn't calm. I wondered if she sensed my anxiety and shame in not being able to comfort my own child. If I couldn't even console my own wild emotions than how did I expect to soothe my screaming daughter?

"Please Cheyenne," I pleaded with the hysterical child, "Please be quiet for mommy. I don't know what else you want." I was quickly reaching my breaking point and subconsciously knew that I hadn't been taking proper care of myself. I wouldn't listen to anyone and had overtaxed my already tired body. "No more crying, darling," I implored her over and over again. My tears now joined hers, and I knew we cried for the same reason, we both weren't receiving what was needed. Her screams became louder as my apprehension rose exponentially. Cheyenne's cheeks were a dark red and her throat sounded parched as she continued to wail.

"It's okay angel." I heard Jasper's voice whisper next to me, but it wasn't okay. I couldn't stop my child from screaming and I was a failure at being a mother. "Let me help you," he murmured before taking Cheyenne from my arms and snuggling her closer to his body.

"She doesn't know I love her, Jasper," I said in a pitiful voice. I knew I was just feeling sorry for myself.

"No Bella, that isn't true. Cheye knows your love, baby. Trust me when I tell you these things," He implored over her now quieted whimpers. She had found the security she had sought in the arms of the person who loved her so very much. I never faulted Jasper for loving her so much or she him, I was just saddened that I couldn't give her the same. I so desperately wanted to believe Jasper, but the evidence was overwhelmingly against him.

"Take Cheyenne out Jasper and get her back to sleep." Carlisle voice joined in the confusion that swarmed around me. There were so many voices that filled my head and mixed with the swirling emotions that claimed my body as their playground.

"Carlisle, I think Bella needs me," he said in a not so gentle voice that had my baby starting to cry again. I jumped at her renewed cried and went to grab her. Cheyenne seemed to pick up on the tension again which was the last thing she needed at the moment. Carlisle grabbed onto me and brought me into his icy embrace.

He reassured Jasper with ease and his ever present love. "Bella always needs you, son. Remember what we discussed in the hospital. Cheyenne needs you now, Jasper; please give to her what she cannot take for herself. She's innocent. " I wasn't looking at Jasper but had my eyes closed and my head was resting in my hands. Carlisle must have broken through because I felt his lips on my head before he spoke of his adoration for me. I also wanted to reassure him, but knew that my support wouldn't go far. He was able to feel my turbulent emotions. He placed another kiss on me head before he left the room. It was in that moment that I knew it was okay to break down.

"My daughter doesn't know my love, papa." I whimpered into my hand. I loved my daughter with everything I was, and I couldn't give her that love. She only felt my anxiety with her. There was no doubt I was a failure as a mother. I had only wanted to give her the world. "She doesn't know my love." The tears fell from my eyes in shame and in a longing to be a better mother to my daughter.

"Please, Isabella, don't torture yourself with such incorrect assumptions. Cheyenne loves you very much, and she knows her mother's love." I shook my head in denial as he tried to tell me what he professed to be the truth.

"No, Carlisle, I'm a complete failure. It was one of my biggest fears when I found out I was expecting. My example in that department wasn't the greatest. I've been doing everything for her that I could, so that when she is older and asks about her childhood, I can tell her about it all. I drive myself to be a better mother to her. I also died and left her alone. I left her, papa, without her mother to do all those special things with her." Carlisle took my face in his chilly hands which caused me to look directly into his eyes. I was surprised by his sudden action, but also the fierce look written on his usually passive features.

"Enough," he all but demanded. My mouth dropped open as more tears leaked from my eyes. I wasn't scared of him or his harsh demand, but of the thought of making him angry at me. "That is quite enough with this tripe, Isabella. I no longer want to hear that shit." My mouth dropped even further in surprise. I had never heard him curse. His face softened at my opened mouth and the stupid look that must have lingered.

"Isabella, child," Carlisle pleaded with me in his soft fatherly voice, "you cannot do everything on your own. I know with a surety that you love your daughter. I can only understand to an extent how you must feel in regards to almost passing and thinking you would never have the opportunities you have now with her. The way you are with Cheyenne already shows us the immense love your heart feels for her." His voice became even softer as he continued, trying to get me to see reason. "Never think you have to do everything on your own. Jasper, Rose, Esme, and I are more than delighted to take care of the little love. It is our privilege and the greatest gift to look after someone so precious and new to this world. You've already witnessed how difficult it is for us to even put her down." I scoffed a little at his understated words, and Carlisle also laughed. He realized his mistake.

"It's near impossible," I said under my breath but was, of course, heard as if spoken aloud. Carlisle gently poked my side before he placed a kiss tenderly to my forehead; everything about him screamed comfort and ease. I sighed because I knew I had been acting irrational and he had been right in his explanation. I knew I wasn't superwoman and had overtaxed myself. Jasper had once explained his irrational behavior when he thought he had lost something that kept him in the light, and I could see myself relating to his learned lesson. I felt that if I controlled every aspect of Cheyenne's life then my own life would have purpose and I wouldn't be taken from either her or Jasper again. The mind was such a mystery to me and with each absurd notion that entered, I wondered at its origin.

"You are also going through what all new mothers do. There is a natural progression that comes with experience and wisdom. The more you spend with the little love, and the more you become aquatinted with her routine, the easier it should become. There is always uncertainty with something new. A new mother can read all of the books she pleases, but until she has practical knowledge and skills, she will continue to flounder and second guess over most decisions. Wisdom comes with time, my dear. That is something I am very well versed in." I couldn't help but laugh at his literal meaning. Jasper had given me a brief history on the members of his family, and I knew Carlisle had been the oldest. He wasn't being factious when he spoke of such insight.

"Then how can I argue with such sound advice and with someone of your advanced age, papa?" I jested with him. He pretended to pout. I came to love Carlisle in these rare moments of lightheartedness. I always viewed him as someone to be admired and revered. When he participated in such banter, he became someone that I loved even more. He became someone that was even more approachable and caring.

"Has anyone ever enlightened you, Isabella, to your very sharp tongue?" I also had to laugh at his question. There was no denying the answer.

"Perhaps, but I can't be quite sure, with being distraught and everything. My mind isn't in its right state. You'll just have to ask me later," I responded, the sarcasm thick on my voice.

"My memory is infallible, dear, so I shall ask you, indeed. I hope you won't feign distress then or else I may have to readmit you to the hospital for further observation." He honestly tried to look serious, but Carlisle couldn't hold up against my smirk. I hoped his 'children' knew how lucky they were to have such a father figure in him. Carlisle was short of absolute perfection, in my opinion. He gave so much and expected so little to nothing in return. He simply did what he thought best for those he loved the most. How could anyone fault him for such indulgence? He filled that part of me that lacked my own parents. My father had been my hero, and my mother had been her own creation. When I had wanted a mother, she had wanted a friend in me. When I had wanted a comforter in her, she had wanted to be comforted. We had never really been on the same page, but that was our relationship, and regardless I still loved her.

"I don't want to be like my mom. All I ever wanted was her to be my mother," I whimpered in a sad voice. It was one of my biggest fears when it came to my little girl and what she needed from me. I wanted to do everything for her, and be everything to her. I didn't want to make my mother's mistakes and feared the worst. I knew we were different, but the fear was still there and very much alive. It caused me too much anxiety and caused me to act to illogical in my need to compensate for my mother's mistakes.

I felt Carlisle's arms tighten around my shoulders and I rested my head where it naturally fell onto his cold chest. His embrace was also cold, but a welcomed comfort.

"You are your own person, Isabella. Yes, we are part of our parents, but ultimately we are what we make of ourselves. My own father was a strong believer in the church and strongly opposed things he saw as evil. I loved my father and proscribed to his way of thinking. I wanted his love and acceptance of me, so I followed his teaching. There is nothing wrong with wanting and craving a parent's love, darling." I nodded my head and became captivated with his story. He rarely spoke of his earlier life. "One night I left my home, and went looking for something evil that had taken residence in our town. Back in my time, things like vampires, magic, and other mystical myths weren't taken as make believe. We believed those things existed, but I digress. I came across a clan of vampires, and as a result of trying to have my father's approval and my carelessness, I was bitten. I knew that I was irreversibly changed. I also knew that my father would never see me as his son again, but as the wretched monster I had become."

A tear slipped from my eye at his story. I could never imagine him as a monster; Carlisle loved life too much and respected its sanctity. I shook my head on his chest and he just laughed at my reluctance to believe him.

"Yes, Isabella, I had seen myself as such. I knew a vampire's diet and could never do something as taking a person's life to sustain my own. So I starved myself from my natural food source and eventually became weak and emaciated. It was far from pleasant, and no matter how many times I tried to dispose of my life, I wouldn't die. It was my literal hell, Isabella. It wasn't until a herd of dear passed me in the woods and I took my much needed substance from them, I learned that I could live without taking human life. It is never easy to even take their life, but it is the lesser of two evils. I always mourn my kills, but I also give thanks to them. It's just my way. It's taken me along time to come to terms with that and how I became. I dedicated my life to saving human life. I also made that choice in the hopes that my father would eventually forgive me my mistakes. I'm still a religious man, and still revere my father, but I also no longer try to please him. I live for my family and myself, and on my own terms. I'm not saying my way of life is better than his own, I'm just saying I live my life as best as possible. That's all one can ever do, Isabella, yeah?"

I loved listening to Carlisle's story. He was a natural orator and spun his life lessons in a beautiful way. I understood what he was trying to tell me. I knew that it would take a while for me to try and not make my mother's problems my own and wouldn't happen overnight. As Carlisle had said earlier, there was a natural progression to everything in life, and I needed to live that life to attain that perspective. In the mean time I would try and learn from his example.

I pulled my head up and looked into the eyes of the man I had come to love and respect so very much. I placed my hands on either side of his face and leaned in to kiss his forehead. More water fell from my eyes, but they were signs of thankfulness and love towards Carlisle and his presence in my life. "You are truly amazing, Carlisle. Thanks for trying to calm me and giving me some perception. It will take me a while to stop acting so crazy . . ." We both lightly chuckled. "I'll honestly try and I also know I'm not my mother. I just don't want to fail my little girl." Carlisle wiped the water from my face with his chilly hands before placing a light kiss on my fallen hand.

"You won't, Isabella. You'll be a smashing success." And for some reason without thought, I believed him. "It's not natural how much the little love wants my son," He said with a little pout. We both laughed again at Cheyenne's preference for Jasper. I never resented that, but was overjoyed she had found the comfort in him that I had always felt.

"Hey," we both turned at the sound of the offended voice. Jasper was standing in the door way with my little daughter sleeping in his arms. They created such an enchanting picture together, and now that she wasn't crying any longer, I felt better and more in control of my thoughts. "It's very natural how much she wants me. I am the best thing she had ever experienced," he argued in a haughty voice. I stood up and walked over to my pouting vampire. I reached up and kissed his warmed cheek. I could never forget that he also became warm when he touched Cheye.

"That you are, Jazz," I reassured him in a sincere voice while I pushed my thankfulness to him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and looked again to papa Carlisle. A serene smile graced his handsome face. I knew he had always wanted happiness for his beloved son, Cheyenne and I had been an added bonus; just as the Cullen's had been in my life.

I could only hope that all would be as it should, or even better than ever imagined. I just had to remind myself that this was real life and not a fairytale.

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11 December – Friday – Jasper's POV (Bella's POV will also be in this part, mixed with Jasper's. Her POV will be in italics. You'll see what I mean when you are further down in the reading. Their POV's will alternate).

I always had such an affinity for the quiet moments in my life. From my battle years to living with the Cullen's, those desired moments had been far and few in between. Emmett usually made up for the noise of the entire Cullen Clan, although some of Rose and Edward's fights weren't the greatest to experience. The first time I truly encountered the effects of that kind of peace had been living on my own after I had finally decided to conquer my problems. I was in a good place with my bloodlust and volunteering at the hospital. New York City could be heard beyond the double paned windows of my apartment, but it was white noise. The stillness of the afternoon had infiltrated my ears and seeped into my soul. It had been the first time I truly appreciated what the quietness meant and could do for one's battered soul. The ghosts had been silenced and the many mistakes of my past had been pushed into the dark recesses of my mind. It was a beautiful moment, but still never complete. I had been missing the most pivotal part of my existence.

Her light snores tore me from my past thoughts and back to the present where I belonged. I knew I could think about my past and be with Bella in the present, the wonderful functions of being a vampire. I had always wanted all of her, and when she was here in my vision with her heart beating near my ears, nothing else seemed to matter. We had spent many afternoons and late nights in this room. When Bella had first moved in with me, she had been timid to even enter my room without asking. I always reassured her that she was more than welcomed, but she was a shy creature. After those wicked storms had passed, it had become routine for her to fall asleep with me next to her. I don't think she even realized that we shared a bedroom. It was as if we were just roommates that shared the same room. So the Master Bedroom had become our sanctuary, and while Esme and Carlisle had been living here and with Rose and Emmett over all the time, it had become our hideout. Now that they had left yesterday, it was once again our bedroom.

As I watched Bella's eyes flutter from whatever dream she been living, I concentrated on her heartbeat. My head was on her stomach from watching a movie. Bella had wanted to watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' because she had never seen it, but fallen asleep instead. I understood she needed her rest, especially after taking care of Cheyenne. Now that Carlisle and Esme were gone at night time, the responsibility now fell to us solely. I had no worries dealing with my little beauty, but Bella had wanted to try and do as much as possible. After her near breakdown and her talk with Carlisle, she had become better at letting others help, but she still wanted to try and do as much as possible. I could feel that very deep need every time Cheyenne cried. Bella's need was almost insatiable and worried me some. I never confided these fears in her, but just made sure she didn't overdue again.

Somewhere between Jimmy Stewart wishing for a million dollars, and telling Donna Reed he didn't want to marry, she had fallen asleep. I didn't mention it to her, but "It's a Wonderful Life' was one of my favorite movies. I felt as if I had lived that very movie plot, and I also had come to learn to appreciate those around me that had loved me the most. My head rose and fell with each breath Bella took. She had placed my head on her tummy so she could play with my too curly hair. She said it gave her comfort, and I could feel that affect with each swipe of her fingers along my scalp. I could distinctively remember that when I was human, I had hated my curly hair. I thought it made me look boyish. Those were one of those thoughts that I held onto in my vampire form. I couldn't remember much, but that was something that had remained with me and reminded me of a time when I didn't resemble a slab of rock. Bella's heartbeat was a steady rhythm under my face and the most prolific music to my ears. Her heart beat for the two of us.

Bella's hair was fanned over her pillow and her hands looked as if they had been thrown about in abandon. One was over the side of the bed and the other under the pillow. She had been muttering words about _revenge_ and the _Spanish Inquisition_ while sleeping. I had chuckled about that and wondered where she had gotten such an idea, her imagination was outrageous. Human truly were peculiar people, my angel especially. When I looked at Bella in these moments, I felt complete in my life. These were thoughts that _always_ ran though my ever active mind, and thoughts that I would never tire of having. I knew internally I sounded like an effeminate male that expounded on the wonders and virtues one saw in his lady love, and the many effervescent qualities that drew one towards her. If I listened close enough I could hear Emmett in the back of my mind reminding me of those qualities.

I had been raised in a time where men were the breadwinners and didn't tell their families of such love. It was a time where men ruled their domain and women were sweet and gentile, especially in Texas. There were always those who went against the mainstream of society, but I hadn't been one of those individuals. This was one of the reasons I attributed to keeping my distance from the Cullen's. It wasn't truly until I had fallen in front of a vision of a fallen angel that caused the biggest crack in my armor. Peter and Charlotte had taught me that there was life beyond war, that my constant guilt and depression could be managed in a resemblance of real life. Alice had taught me to let love in again and to open up to new possibilities. She had been my first real love. The Cullen's (early on when I had first lived with them) had taught me acceptance and the ability to hope.

Then I had found Bella, true beauty. On that night for all the heavens to see, she had taught me about the true essence of myself. She taught me the amount of my strength, the instant love of a stranger, how to forgive, how to think of others and look beyond myself, and how to find the genuine beauty beneath my scarred skin. But even with all of these lessons, she had given to me something far greater. Bella gifted me with her pure, uncorrupted love. I had touched her, and for the first time in over a hundred years, felt warmth; true unadulterated warmth that spread to every fiber of my dead corpse. When touched with something so innocent, I never stood a chance against her. Bella had become part of my soul, that part of me that still retained some humanity, even after all the atrocities I had committed. She had taught me that I still had a piece in my tainted body that was untouched.

If I were to explain to someone our connection and the depths of love I felt for her, I would never be able to enlighten. It was like someone trying to discover the vast amount of infinite space and the heavens above, something that would probably never come to fruition. I looked at my love for Bella in that regard: something beautiful and mysterious and never figured out by modern science or theory, something that should always remain inexplicable.

Bella had also given me the ability to finally open myself up to the possibility of my family's love. I could always feel Esme and Carlisle's emotions towards me, but I had chosen to ignore them. I loved them in my own way, but kept myself from their willing and always waiting arms. But of course, like most everything else in my life, that was bound to change.

My angel had seen me at one of my lowest moments, but still chose to embrace and love me in all her wild, childish abandon. She didn't judge, but held out her little hand that saved me from disappearing. She had seen me emotional exposed and drained from everything that had aspired to bring me to those depths. She gave me the courage and fortitude to continue. Her acceptance reminded me of Carlisle when he spoke of his beliefs in a higher being. He had once told me during one of our rare conversations about religion that his Lord loved child the most, and gestured the _little ones to come unto_ him. They were always the most humbled and the purest of anything else that inhabited this earth. They were gentle and loved regardless of one's faults, they accepted those around them. Carlisle had understood that fable (or in his belief something that truly happened) or the lessons taught in his religion.

I understood that even children had their faults, and not all of them were good; I wasn't naïve enough as to believe that all children were completely innocent. But they could also teach adults something if they paid close enough attention. It was the very lesson that Bella had taught me. I finally learned to accept my family's love and to fully embrace them in my life. She had seen me at my worst and still loved. My family had also seen me after a kill, and still loved regardless. If she could still accept me and give me her love, then I could trust my family had truly done the same. In that very moment of enlightenment I realized that Bella had ruined me. All of my preconceived notions of not bearing my emotions were thrown out the proverbial opened window. Before, I had never been one to really do something so feminine (or what I had thought at the time to be) as to express emotions. I was what one considered to be the strong-silent-type. I had always felt that vast amount of emotions of those around me, but never spoke them aloud. I didn't have those barrier or walls built up around me any longer; I gave of my love freely to my family and to my Bella (at least most of my love to Bella).

As I looked up at the beautiful angel sleeping while I listened to her heartbeat, I knew I would always be hers. There were no questions or doubts in my mind. Bella had me for always, and as her skin touched my face where her shirt rode a little the warmth I felt shot strait to my unbeaten heart. I wanted to run a finger on the strip of skin that was exposed to me from her night shirt, but knew that was beyond the line. Until she had given me permission to touch her freely and in such a way I had to retain myself. Just lying on her stomach while she had slept made me feel as if I were taking advantage of her. I just couldn't pull myself from her now.

My hand seemed to have a life of its own as reached over her sleeping body and touched her riotous locks that were splayed on the down pillow. Her face was turned to the side and her chest continued to rise and fall with her easy breathing. It always boggled my mind how Bella was never able to see her beauty. Perhaps if she was self secured, I wouldn't be able to make her blush as easily from a comment.

Before I was able to touch her face, she called my name in her sleep and started awake. Her eyelids opened and closed in random succession and her confusion was evident in the emotions I felt coming from her. As the sleep cleared from the angel's eyes, and her puzzlement lessened, she realized that my head was still on her soft stomach. I could feel the grin that stretched over, what felt like my entire, face. Bella was too adorable in her bewilderment. My hand finally found purchase with her flesh and to her flushed cheeks that just beckoned to be felt.

"Hey Jazz," she murmured, her voice still thick with sleep. A small, tired smile of her own blossomed on her lips. "Have I been asleep for long?" There was no reason for her to feel embarrassed. She had needed the rest.

"Of course not, angel," I reassured her. "And if you had, it was well deserved." She nodded her head before she rubbed her eyes and removed the rest of the sleep that had gathered in the corners. Her arms were thrown over her head as she stretched her rested muscles. As her back arched with her flexed muscles, my head was raised off her stomach, so I took the opportunity to move closer to her on the bed. When Bella had settled again, she realized I had moved and gave me a sheepish look.

"Sorry for making you uncomfortable, Jasper." Her unselfishness knew no bounds, not to mention her absurdness. Hiding my eye roll from her was difficult; there had been no reason for her apology.

"You are so unique, little one," I told her quite seriously. I laid my head on her pillow and gently pulled her small, still soft body closer to my own, making sure I didn't hurt her in any way. Bella turned onto her right side so that she could see me more clearly. Her sleepy smile and slow blinking lids painted a picture before my eyes that was so endearing. Everything she did seem to pull at my useless heartstrings. Bella always felt as if she were the only one that felt as if something had invaded her stomach, but she was wrong. I may have been a man, and vampire at that, but it never lessened the effects she had on my body. I was still able to feel love and a compelling yearning to want to feel her body's reaction to my own, watch every response as she pressed closer into me, stroked every part of my wanting skin, and sighed at the completion we created together. Bella brought out those effects in me.

"You haven't called me '_little one' _in a while, Jasper," she continued to speak softly as if the moment had called for such a thing. The room was already thick with our made tension, and every whisper added to the tangible harmony in our shared hideout. I caressed her jaw as she spoke to me, losing myself in her perfection. My gaze traveled back to her eyes that looked at me intently, filled with the intensity of the moment.

"You may no longer be the little one from long ago that captured me, baby, but you are the little one that I still long for." Water filled her eyes at my words. I always seemed to have that affect on her. I seemed to wax poetic whenever Bella was involved and my words were not generally associated with someone whom had fought in countless wars, but Bella induced the emotional side of me, the side that I kept silent and hidden from others. I had no reason to hide anything from her, even my fancy words. I always wanted her secure in my affections.

"You never fail to incite tears, Jazz. I bet you feel that your words are attached to my tear ducts," she said with a half smile.

" There is nothing wrong with showing me your physical emotions, angel. I enjoy watching your physical manifestations, however; tears are not needed on this occasion, only a smile on those gorgeous lips, Bella." My gaze trailed down to said lips and watched as she nibbled on the inside of her cheek.

"My eyes are up here, Jasper," she said with laughter in her voice. It wasn't as if I was staring further south, _at least not in the present time_, my wicked thoughts spoke in the back of my mind.

"Mmm, so it would seem, angel," I teased while peering into the murky brown eyes with the specks of green that seemed to pull its prey in. As I became serious once more and truly stared into her mint chipped orbs, the moment became intimate and intrinsic. My fingers on her skin were visceral, and pulled me further into her charm and the enchantment that we created in the room without our permission. My body became heated with each stroke of my finger on her neck, collarbone, and bare shoulder from where her shirt had fallen. Every cell within me became awakened and provoked me even further into my angel. Our eyes were fused together and my hand seemed to have melted within her surface.

Our own world was created and we were the only players in our garden. Bella came out of her stupor that he she had been in and slowly closed her lids as my hand touched every part of her exposed skin. She was beyond soft and her fragility called to the vampire that was inside. I wanted to run my tongue over every part I touched. I wanted to taste the flavor that her body created while she experienced the sensations I caused.

Bella opened up her eyes and her own infinite fervor was clearly written in the obscure depths that never failed to call to me. She raised her hand and entangled her fingers with mine. As I traced her beautiful form, she accompanied my movements with her own. Our gazes never left the others and we moved together as if we were blind, letting our natural reactions be our guide. My hand ran down the center of her chest, being careful not touching her breast as I came to rest on her now empty womb. I had missed Cheye being there and beating against me as I talked to her. I bent down and placed my lips on her stomach. I wanted to pay homage to the place that had given me one of the best gifts I had ever received, the ability to be a father. Her fingers left my hand that still rested on her tummy and glided through my hair. With a gentle pull, I turned my attention from her stomach and back to her beautiful, pink tinged cheeks.

_I gently tugged on Jasper hair, desiring him to look at me again. I wanted to see the look on his face that my touch had inspired. The moment was all inclusive and blocked everything out that didn't pertain to the situation. The light from the moon filtered into the taupe curtains that were slightly opened and blended with the glow from the forgotten movie playing on the television. The only thing that mattered was Jasper's handsome face that filled my view. His features were so expressive, and told the story of our connection to each other. _

As Bella looked at me as if I were her entire world, my life in that very private and tender moment changed me once again. My need to tell her what I had wanted to since she had gotten out of the hospital seemed to rear it's dominate head from out of nowhere. I knew that not another moment would pass without Bella knowing the full extent of my adoration for her. And then it was as if a damn had broken within me and the filter that usually censored my words had been swept away, only leaving me with the limitless love I felt for her and the insurmountable longing with which I yearn for.

"I'm so in love with you, Isabella," I whispered passionately and with so much conviction. I felt as if my very life had been created for this one moment. "How can I not be in love with someone who has dominated me completely, someone whom I worship with my every fiber?" Bella face became flushed with her changing emotions. What I felt from her was staggering, but more than welcomed. Every cell within my dead body craved her more than I craved the will to live. I knew that if I was faced with a situation of having Bella but nothing else, there would be no competition. That's not to say that I didn't love or need anything else in my existence. Bella just happened to be the thing that kept me grounded to this life because without her, what else existed. I looked deeply at my angel and watched as her eyes clouded up with her human emotions and spilled down her beautifully reddened cheeks.

This really wasn't the moment I had meant to expose myself to her so carelessly, but fate had other ideas in regards to me finally admitting my being in love with the angel I had been provided with. The moment had been intense and the need for me to finally be completely honest with her had been extreme.

_The words Jasper had spoken were completely unexpected in the moment but brought my entire body to attention. They were the words I had always envisioned coming from his plush lips, but also feared. His truth was finally free and placed before me in an offering. _

_The first tear caused my right eye to burn from the irritation. My stomach was in cramps from all the butterflies that continued to assault the lining. As the first drops of water started to fall from my eyes, I could feel my head start to ache. Was it any wonder I hated to cry so much? I had also expected to feel somewhat different when he had first declared his love for me. Regardless of what my physical reactions may I have been, I knew above all else that they were real. Everything that had passed through me at those words would never be forgotten or taken from me. _

_And in that moment of being perfected in Jasper's love, I knew I couldn't deny it anymore. All of my emotions, my wants, and my desires pushed at me until the words seemed to be shoved forcefully from my very body and out of my arid lips. The pressure was astounding to feel and glorious to experience. My entire mass shook with the innate truth that I had always known and tried to suppress because of fear. With one last susurration faintly heard from my soul, the words spilled out of my mouth to their rightful owner._

"I'm in love with you also, Jasper." _My seven words were also simple, but held the truth that was woven so intricately into my very core and touched every part of my verve. _"My heart has bled with that knowledge. Please don't shudder, Jazz. I know I left you for a time and any words about my heart being damaged may scare you, but they are true nonetheless." _He touched my face, his fingers lingering on my chin. _"I have wanted to tell you for some time of my capacious amount of love, but allowed fear to stop me every time. I'm still scared, Jazz, but that doesn't mean I'm not so desperately in love with you," _I finished my little speech. The words seemed so inadequate in that moment as if a four letter word couldn't convey the depths of my feelings. And I had so wanted him to experience that limitless adoration. _

And then Bella gave me the words, but more importantly her vast amount of love back. I would have been remiss in thinking that her silence on the subject had scared me. I knew I only wanted her for an eternity and no one else. I could never envision myself with an existence without her. I literally sighed when she spoke the thing I needed to hear the most, the thing that my soul craved the most: my angel's love and total acceptance.

I could feel literally everything she spoke and had never been more grateful for my gift then I had been in that very moment. I allowed her ardor to feel me completely, pushing away everything but what she gave to me so willingly. There was fear and sadness mixed with her love, but I knew they pertained to something else. It was as if her saying she was actually in love with me had given permission to those feelings to be completely unleashed. They hit me like a wrecking ball hits a brick wall and the impact had me free falling.

As she spoke of her heart doing something as unnatural as bleeding, and not just processing her blood flow, I felt my own fear take over. I never wanted to hear such words in regards to the very thing that kept her alive in front of me. I knew her words were true, but they didn't lessen my fear, I just hid it behind my happiness and love for her. This moment was one of rejoice and eternal bliss. As Bella's love washed over every part of me externally and internally, I knew the abundant love she spoke of wasn't fabricated, but reciprocated from myself. I had loved her with everything that I had to give and my hand just begged to touch her skin. I needed to feel her and know that she was real, that each breath she breathed could touch my warmed flesh.

"You deserve flowers, candy, and the most expensive diamonds that some women love the most in the world, angel, but none of that is needed with you. When it truly comes down to what's important and what matters the most, the thing that is left over are my words, however; simple they may be."

"They aren't simple because they are accompanied with your gift. You push all of your sentiment to me Jasper, and I'm not only able to hear your declarations, but also live them. How many girls in my position are able to have something that special?" It was a first she had experienced with me. And as I pushed my ardor towards her, I made sure it was in moderation. Her body would have never been able to withstand such an on slot of emotions that I wanted her to experience fully. Bella's well being was always my main concern over my own selfish wants and needs. My eyes veered to her lips as she continued to chew on them. They were fire engine red from being bitten constantly. They had looked so inviting.

_Having Jasper stare at my lips did things to my body that his words had done, they caused me to feel as if I were invincible and could take on the world. _

_It was if my body became its own life form. My hands pushed Jasper away from me and my chest followed his downward progression onto the bed. His faced showed the surprise that I felt within myself. My hands fisted tightly in his sleep cotton shirt as if he would be taken from me any moment and the sentiments we had just confided in the other were a figment of my eager imagination. I took my fill of his stunning face. His features were so symmetric and there wasn't one flaw I could make out on the person I had come to love so much. He still had his battle scars that were barely visible to my naked eye, but those characteristics only added to his overall appeal. Jasper's sensuality and his graceful movements that came through every time he moved only made me salivate for him all the more. As my fingers danced over his chest, neck and face, my lips started to feel cold and forgotten. _

_Without further thought to anything else, I took one more look into his dark amber barred soul that was displayed for all to see and sealed our shared love with a physical articulation. A tear of utter relief slipped from my eye as our lips at first barely touched. The pressure was light as if we were becoming aware with the other after making bare our feelings and intentions. Jaspers lips were hot as his hardened mouth pushed into mine more deeply. My chest pressed into his and my fingers played with his abundant curls that always comforted me. Jasper's hands played with the material of my night shirt and grazed the skin that was exposed to the bedroom air. I shivered at the light touches on my bare back; they were sensual and made my kisses more aggressive. It was if my body became alive with his simple contact, my blood heated and raced over my body to accommodate for my lack of oxygen intake. My sighs gave voice to the aching I felt in my tense muscles. Jasper had possessed every part of me without realizing the true amount of his impact on my feverish skin. All of these emotions made it difficult to breathe, and added to the already beautiful chaos I experienced. _

The visceral movement of my arms as they wrapped about Bella were intuitive. Her casing colluded with mine, and our bodies became almost singular. My hold on her tightened, never wanting her to be anywhere else. My tongue reached out into her already opened mouth and glided along the inside. She tasted divine and the hint of strawberries added to my already heightened senses. Her tongue met mine shyly and felt like velvet as they swirled together. I switched the angle of the kiss and allowed it to deepen. I couldn't seem to get enough of all that she offered me. Our lips meet with a passion and an infatuation that I had never experienced with anyone else. I was by no means innocent when it came to physical expression, but Bella showed me something that I never knew really existed. She showed me that her innocence and inexperience didn't detract from her, but added to the sensation. Her eagerness and zeal made the meeting of our lips the most intimate moment I had ever shared with someone.

My proclivity in the bedroom had never really known innocence, and only added to my want and desire to have my way with Bella, to show her my abundance and utter want for her. The wicked thoughts that were running wild in my head caused me to switch position and had me lying on top of Bella without breaking our bodies' contact.

As I pulled away from the kiss so I could look at her fervent face, she closed her lips and my tongue slide between them as she sucked on them. Her action had been unexpected and caused my lower body to push into hers. Our moans mixed together with our frantic movement. My eyes closed as I tucked my face in her sweaty neck and licked the side of her throat where her heart beat with a heated purpose. Bella convexed into me again and almost sent me careening into a shock.

"Damn it all, angel, I love you," escaped my mouth as it worked over the flesh on her neck.

"I love you, Jasper," she answered in a heated whisper. Her hands danced along the skin of my back before she grasped onto my shoulders as if her passion would sweep her from my body. My angel's words always did something to me that had me wanting more and more from her.

And then as I went to kiss her collarbone that was bared to me, a cry pierced the air, and all but broke the sexual haze we were both wrapped in. I wanted to ignore the sound and go back to ravishing my angel, but Cheyenne wasn't to be ignored. She needed something in that moment and it wasn't fair to ignore her simply because my erotic thoughts screamed at me to continue. Being a parent came with both the good and the bad. I ever so innocently ran my tongue along Bella's blood-tinged neck once more before my body all but deflated and sagged onto hers. Bella moan turned into little laugh at the interruption, but I could also feel a little disappointment from her. It wasn't that she didn't love her daughter, but she had also been carried away in the hazy moment.

Cheyenne's cries became more pronounced the longer she was left alone. I think we had created a monster when it came to her being held. Bella had tried to warn everyone, but was disregarded. I made a mental note to listen to her more often.

"She is quite the demanding little beauty, isn't she, angel." Bella scoffed for good reason, and I chuckled into her neck at her response.

"And whose fault would that be?" she challenged.

"Carlisle's," we both said in unison and snickered at papa Carlisle. I solely blamed him and his weakness when it came to his little love. I raised myself off of Bella and looked down at her rumpled state; she had never looked more beautiful, except when she had brought my little beauty into this world. I leaned down and kissed her swollen lips once more and lingered for a second longer on her bottom pout while telling her again of my infinite love.

"Endlessly, Jasper," she spoke softly and placed one more kiss on my lips. After she pulled away she went to get up but I gently pushed her back down. She needed her rest after what we had just done, and I wanted my words to soak into her head. I didn't want her to have any doubts of my affections towards her.

"I'll get Cheye. She is after all calling for her Jasper," I said in a self assured voice. Bella didn't refute but rolled her eyes good naturedly. I quickly left the room at vampire speed to attend to my screaming little girl. I hated to hear her crying in such a manner. It tore at me in ways that nothing else could. I reached her room within seconds and leaned over her crib. It was as if she could sense my presence because her wails became whimpers. Cheyenne knew that she was going to be picked up and in the shelter of someone who loved her arms'. I picked up her favorite blanket and wrapped it around her squirming body. She seemed to be saying _enough with the procrastination and just pick me up already_. Her darling wishes were always my command.

"No more tears, my Cheye Beauty. You know how they affect me." Bella must have thought I couldn't hear her, but her comment of me being beyond whipped wasn't appreciated. I couldn't help it if I was under her daughter's spell. She was a product of her mother, so it was no wonder and of little consequence to fight the need I had to make everything alright in their world. I took a seat in the gliding rocking chair that Esme and Rose had spent a fortune on and started to rock the sweet baby in my arms. She looked at me for a while before her eyes started to droop. I was quick to make sure she didn't need a change, and when I offered her the bottle, she didn't take it. She just wanted to be held.

As I held a piece of Bella in my arms, I marveled at how utterly beautiful she already was. "You're an absolute doll, Cheyenne. I love you so very much, little beauty." I feared the time she got older and wicked boys would come around her. The thoughts caused me to shutter, especially if they were anything like me when I was around her mother. However, those thoughts were for another day, and I simply enjoyed holding my little girl.

My life from a year ago had drastically changed and had brought so much love and devotion I couldn't have ever imagined. The intensity of love I had for my angel was something I never truly had imagined at the advent of our relationship. Through our friendship and affection, our relationship had followed a natural progression. She had become my best friend and the person I had wanted to know everything about me. I had many sins that were dark and beyond gruesome. I would never be proud of that carnage I had committed, but with her friendship I was able to put many of those unfortunate incidents in perspective. She gave me the innocent forgiveness I had wanted from my past victims. She never understood the depths of self hatred I suffered before her presence in my life, and I never wanted her to know that pain. Her friendship had been my healing balm, but her love had been my ultimate grace, along with Shelley's sacrifice. I could never forget her role and influence in my life.

"Life is never what you expect, Cheyenne, even for someone who has the potential of immortality. Hold onto to your innocence, honey, and know that you are surround my people who basically worship the ground you will one day walk on. Cherish that affection, honey, and know that I'll always love you and your amazing mama." Her lips twitched in her sleep and I softly laughed. She was perfection, just like her mother.

The angel I loved more than my existence.

_I wondered if Jasper knew that I could hear his words on the baby monitor. His words were soft and spoken so tenderly that I could literally feel the love that surrounded their little bubble. Our adoration had finally been spoken, and now that we both knew where the other stood, the reality was both scary and exciting. I still feared the unknown and the possibility of the future, but I wasn't going to let it take conscious charge of my life anymore. I was enamored with Jasper, and wanted to see the potential we had in our beginning and new relationship. _

_Life was what one made of it, regardless of what may have been written in the heavens above. I chose to make my life a success and that started with my family: _

_Jasper, Cheyenne, and the Cullen's. _

_

* * *

_Author's Notes Continued: And there you have it. They have finally given each other their love. There was so much more I wanted to add and so many ideas I had in regards to them finally expressing their true emotions, but the simplicity of the moment called to me the most. Jasper and Bella were never one for such fanfare, and thus their love should be express in the same way. I had even envisioned Jasper literally spelling out that love with roses for her to read, but scratched that idea. I liked the intimacy of the moment and their fervent need to express their emotions so abundantly.

I hope you liked the way I wrote it. I wanted the reader to have both Bella and Jasper's thoughts on what they were feeling in that moment when it came out. I haven't come across a scene written like this before and when the idea entered my mind, knew I had to write it as such. I hope it wasn't too confusing to follow. There is more to come, don't fear darling. Now the real fun begins, there will be fluff.

So sorry it's taken a while to post and I'm even sorrier for not replying to the last round of reviews. I give no excuses but my sincere apology.

I've had a MAJOR case of writer's block with everything I've been writing lately, and not just this story. I can feel it coming back some, but I'm diligently trying to overcome it, so please have patience with me. If anyone has any suggestion how to get over it or any good songs (i.e. Secondhand Serenade, Linkin Park, Switchfoot, Train or anything else they like. I truly love all genres of music) please let me know. I love to get inspiration when writing.

Well I think that is all for now. I will be responding to your reviews and giving a sneak peak again, if you want to review. Thanks to all who took the time last time and gave me their opinions. They were all wonderful, even though the chapter was more of a filler. I hope all is well with everyone, and this chapter found you well.

Much love as always, darlings.

_Posted: 8 December 2010, 12,000 words, 20 pages_


	7. Chapter VII

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's Notes: Hello loves and please enjoy. More notes at the bottom.

**Chapter Seven**

I climbed up the door and opened the stairs,  
Said my pajamas and put on my prayers,  
Then I turned off the bed and crawled into the light  
All because you kissed me goodnight!  
- Author Unknown

13 December – Sunday – Jasper's POV

Who knew that it would have taken such a while in making sure everything was perfect? I erased the negative thoughts from my mind and smiled as I thought who it was for. I allowed my mind to fill of imagines of my angel and all that had happened since she returned to my life. It started with a hunger for innocent blood and ended with a confession of immeasurable love. She had loved the flawed and blemished Jasper. Who would have thought?

After our confessions that night and when I had finally put Cheyenne back into her crib and returned to my room, Bella had already fallen asleep. I couldn't blame her, she had been through the gambit of emotions that night and it was only natural that her body had tired out and fallen asleep.

There was more that I had wanted to tell her, but the most important thing had already been spoken and she knew how I felt. I wasn't truly sad about the way she had found out. I wish it could have been in a more romantic setting, but somehow the moment seemed to fit. We had been in our _sanctuary_ with her daughter resting in the next room and in a place we had become a family. It was fitting how I told Bella, even with all of the romantic interludes and trappings the only thing left would have been my words. When the roses and confetti cleared, and the smoke and mirrors disappeared, the reality of our lives is what continued. Of course I wanted to wine and dine my angel, but those things really didn't hold any meaning for Bella. She loved her family and reveled in the simplicity of our life.

Her views seemed to match mine. Alice had always been about taking trips to Paris, and the latest fashion to come out of Milan. She came alive with fabrics, color choices, and the latest trends, while I had loved to read and lay in the sun. While we were together, our relationship had worked. I sacrificed those small things that made me happy, to see her smile, but now that I had been away from her for a while I now understood that she had been right in letting me go. Even though opposites attract and I had done my best to make her happy, I fear that I would have also tired of that life and fallen into another depression. I loved plain and ordinary, and she loved the lime light and excitement. It was a wonder we had lasted as long as we did.

As I finished my last chore for tonight, I put my past relationship from my mind and smiled at the scene before me. It hadn't taken long, but the outcome was beautiful, in my humbled opinion. It had been a while since I had treated Bella to something special, and hoped that she liked her surprise. She thought I was hunting when in reality it had only taken an hour for me to have my fill. The rest of the time went into preparing her surprise, with the help of Esme and others. Whenever I needed something done, she always delivered. The sun had come out for a while, which was rare this time of year. It was as if it had come out, for a time, to approve of what I accomplished. The rays of weak sunlight touched my skin, and provided me with artificial warmth. It was one of the reasons I cherished those moments in that light; I felt a piece of my humanity return as my flesh heated under it treatment. People thought vampires were monsters of the dark and obscurity, and perhaps that was accurate, but I personally loved the light and all it provided me with.

When I made sure all of my trash was picked up and everything in order, I ran back to my car that had just been fixed and returned home. I knew I sounded weak when I admitted how much I had missed Bella after only being away from her for a few hours, but it was a weakness I would always welcome. I hated to be away from her and Cheyenne. I felt as if I were missing out on my life when separated. It was foolish of me to think that I could be there every second of everyday, but even that thought didn't lessen my need for my girls.

Even a vampire's mind couldn't rationalize the wants of the heart, and an unbeaten one at that.

* * *

Evening – Jasper's POV

I blamed Rose for keeping her for so long. Bella was never a pretentious creature and didn't really care about such frilly things. I never faulted girls for wanting to look their best or taking the time it required to gussy themselves up, society seemed to now demand such perfection. I wished they truly realized how beautiful their species was. Women came in all shapes and sizes, and their uniqueness was something that defined them, something that made them stand out. It seemed a crime these days to be seen in something that wasn't name brand or couture. Even my ex prescribed to these guidelines, although, I knew she truly loved fashion for fashion's sake. We Cullen's had an imagine to uphold, and Alice made sure the family stood in line, but she still loved the creativity and inventiveness of style.

I chased those thoughts from my mind and came back to the present. I looked at the clock again on the wall and exhaled loudly. It wasn't until my little human angel had come into my life that time started to matter again. Before, I could have cared less how many minutes had passed and how many days fell away, but with Bella there were once again time restraints and limitations. It was probably one of the reasons I feared being away from her, even for a moment. I knew however, this delay wasn't her fault. This had Rose written all over.

She had promised to have Bella completed around six, and it was already six fifteen. Was it so wrong to ask for punctuality? According to Rose, I had evidently asked for too much. Before I could go off on some internal rant about her lack of etiquette and lack of manners, she entered the room and had the good grace to smirk. She was lucky I loved her so much because I was ready to ban her from my house. I tried to ignore the thought that _Bella would never allow such a notion_, from my head. I was so lost to her wants and wishes, probably never to be found again.

"You can erase those thoughts from your mind, brother of mine." I rolled my eyes; she couldn't have possibly known what I had been thinking. "Your better half would never allow you to throw me overboard," this time I scowled at her clairvoyant perception. I never knew myself to be such an open book with my thoughts, unless Edward was present – no one could keep him from their minds. _My siblings were beyond annoying, even the ones who didn't have extra gifts_. I gave my sister the evil eye but didn't respond to her correction assumptions. I felt like child pouting, but I hated being wrong. "We have been twins for a long time, Jasper," she reminded me. "It's only natural that I know what your little mind is processing," she laughed as if what she had said was funny. Sisters and twins in general were a nightmare.

"So it would seem, sister of mine." She ran over to me at vampire speed and kissed my cheek before running away again and into the nursery. She had the pleasure of watching Cheyenne tonight. I had finally convinced Bella, after much pleading, to have a first date with me. She wasn't adverse to the idea, but couldn't fathom leaving her daughter. I understood her reluctance. Bella felt as if she had already let Cheye down, and didn't want that to ever happen again. I reasoned with her that she could never have such blasphemous thoughts, Bella was her world. After a kiss on her luscious neck and a suck of her bottom lip during one of her rants, my angel caved and granted me my wish. I loved Cheyenne and also felt terrible when I was away from her, but I wanted time alone with her mother, something which was a commodity these days. We had declared our love, but after she had fallen asleep and woken the next morning, my parents had descended to see the little creature that had captured everyone so fully.

When my family had finally decided to leave for the night and Cheyenne had stopped fussing after being put down, I went into the master bedroom and found my angel asleep. I couldn't blame her for already being asleep. Cheyenne had demanded to be held and Bella had spent the day trying to curve those demands. She wouldn't pick her up, but kept her in her bassinet and rubbed her tummy and sang to her. Esme, Carlisle, and Rose had taken turns in trying to comfort her. Things would get better until Cheyenne was picked up to be changed or fed, then when she was put down again she would fuss. I had yelled at myself continuously for not listening to my angel.

I had lain down on the bed and pulled Bella into my arms that night. She had grunted a little before mumbling something about Benedict Arnold. I gently laughed and gave her a funny look. Her mind was such a funny thing, and I envied Edward for being able to read her mind, once he finally met her. I wrapped her securely in my arms and settled back on the pillow. Her face was placed over my silent heart with it tilted up for me to see. I never wanted her to think of me being a creep while I watched her sleep, but even in her quiet and hushed moments, she called to me. I traced the angles and plains of her soft skin and reveled in our shared and mutual affection. "I love you, Isabella," I whispered to her as I did every night, the only difference being that she had now given it back to me. Her slow and constant breaths fanned the skin exposed on my chest, but she didn't answer. My angel had been gone to me for the night.

Footsteps from the hall caused me to look up and freeze. Bella had always been such a natural beauty, but tonight she outshined even Hera. Words could never describe how she radiated in that moment as she looked at me with nervousness and timidity. She played with her fingers and looked down at her feet as if there was something written on them; perhaps an explanation on how to act this evening. Her inexperience had always beckoned to me, and tonight was no different. My angel reminded me of those movies where the girl entered a scene and was unsure of her beauty and never knew the full affects of her gift. The biggest difference is that Bella didn't have to act those emotions; they were authentic and only made her more striking.

Bella had on a grey cowl neck sweater dress. The collar of the neck was a little surprising. The cut was quite low, but I could see a black undershirt on. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little disappointed, but I wanted Bella comfortable. The dress fell below her knees and seemed to be tightened at the hem. Black tights were molded to her legs and disappeared into flat woolen, woven boots. I was sure that Rose had tried to talk her into wearing heels, but Bella had stood firm. The flat boots were a better option for what I had planned for the evening. Bella's hair was pulled up from her face on both sides and held up with clips. Curls of all sizes fell from the clips and down her back. Even has she fidgeted, the action couldn't take away from her grace and understated elegance.

"Damn, but your glowing, angel." I hissed out in a deep breath. Bella always did this to me, filled me with such devotion and longing. She was utterly ravishing. "You're so alluring, my love," I whispered into her ear that was unobstructed by her hair. The natural rose of her cheeks became intensified with my words and her incredible scent filled the air. She finally gathered up her courage and looked at me from under her eyes. She was still feeling intimidated. I guess my look of utter worship, didn't help to make her comfortable.

"Thanks, Jasper," she finally spoke into the thick air that surrounded us. My hands couldn't stand the separation any longer and found their way onto her heated face. I pulled her face up and let the pads of my thumbs stroke her cheek bones and soak in the ambient warmth. "Language, Jasper," she jested and that smile that I had waited for finally appeared.

"Mmm, language, you say." She nodded and her curls bounced with the movement. I dropped my lips to hers before she could even react. Our mouths had been separated for long enough, and the loneliness only caused me to crave her more. Since my family had been here, and we hadn't discussed our relationship with them yet, I kept my distance from her. Although I'm sure they suspected something because every time I looked at my angel, she seemed to blush, but her emotions spoke only to me; our own secret language. It wasn't until I had told them the night before, while Bella had been sleeping, about our decision to take our relationship further. Esme and Rose had tear up, which I couldn't understand and my mentor gave me an indulgent smile.

Bella gasped at the sudden action of my lips descending onto hers, but quickly recovered. She let out a little moan as her lips formed to mine. My right hand brought her body closer to me as my left caressed the skin on the nape of her neck. Her plush mouth molded so deliciously towards mine that I quickly lost myself in what she offered. It wasn't until my tongue had tasted hers that I backed off. There would be time for that later. I knew that if I continued there would be no reason for Rose to watch my little Cheye Beauty. I wanted Bella, no holds barred.

"I think it time to leave, angel." Bella just nodded her head before licking her redden lips. I wanted to bite into her bottom lip, but suppressed the urge, just barely. Her face and neck resembled a candy red apple, and she hid her eyes from my view. I could only imagine the way the green was reflected. When she was the most worked up for whatever reason, the mint-colored speckles stood out the most.

"Don't do anything that Emmett wouldn't approve, brother," the bane of my existence yelled. I couldn't decide who was more annoying, her or her perverted other half. Bella took to looking at her shoes again, and her embarrassment spiked almost tenfold; damn my meddlesome family. I grabbed Bella in my arms before burying my face in her warm neck.

"Ignore her, baby." I spoke softly. "Tonight is ours, and to hell what others may think – yes." she shivered a little at the contact and simply nodded. I gently kissed the graceful arch of her neck before I pulled away; there was only so much temptation I could withstand. With my arm around her waist, I gently led her towards the garage and opened the passenger car door for her. She tripped a little trying to get in and shot me a scathing look for daring to laugh. I cleared my throat before I quickly apologized and made my way to the driver's side of my car. After I pulled out of the drive and made my way to our destination, I pulled her hand into my free one and rubbed the back with my thumb. There wasn't a part of her I could resist. I just hoped that after tonight she would become certain and secure in my adoration for her.

* * *

Jasper's POV

"Jasper, why would you do something like this?" she asked in that shy voice that always pulled at my heart strings. I never understood why she couldn't see her worth and everything she had to offer. It was as if she had some kind of aversion when it came to how amazing she was. It made my heart hurt when she doubted herself in these moments. I tenderly encircled her in my arms and loved the way her back aligned with my chest. I could feel her heartbeat speed up and knew it beat for the two of us.

"It's quite simple, Isabella," she inhaled sharply as my lips traced the side of her throat where her skin was exposed and unadorned, "you're always worth it." She tried to shake her head because she disagreed, but I wouldn't allow it. My hands left their place on her tummy where they had been resting and caressed her cheeks that were inconspicuously wet. I brought my mouth to her ear before I whispered, "Yes, angel. Tell me, do you like the room?"

"Too much, Jazz. With endearments such as these you may just spoil me rotten," she tried to jest. She was still too taken with the splendor of what she saw. From where we stood we had a panoramic view of the room. The lights of the fire that was roaring danced around the walls, casting shadows. Tea candles were also alight and placed on every available surface. In the middle of the room was a chair with my cello in front, waiting for me to pluck her strings while she sat firm in between my legs. The couch on the far wall that faced the stacked stone fire place was decorated with plush pillows with all kinds of feathers, colors, and textures. The mini chandler was turned off, but the crystals sparkled as they caught the light that bounced around the small living room. The shelves on the far wall were flanked by windows that were opened to the heavens and the stars above. The shelves were full of old and modern books, each loved in its own right. The cottage we were in stood in the middle of the Cullen's property. It was a place that the family sometimes retreated to when our minds needed to be cleared or we wanted to relax after hunting. Tonight, however; it was a place that I sought solitude with my angel.

I laughed at Bella lies before I answered her. "That's an impossibility, little one. How could one spoil something that is incorruptible?"

After I turned the stereo on and sat down in front of my cello, I gave one simple wink to Bella. I closed my eyes, took in a deep breath, and brought my bow to the strings that played my haunting notes (music on profile under title chapter seven - very beautiful). The longer I played the more I allowed myself to become lost in the music. The cello always brought out that reaction in me. It was as if my soul left me for a time and resided in the music that filled the air. Each stroke, each movement of my hand that accompanied bow on the strings released an emotion I felt, a longing for something I couldn't speak aloud. The vibrations of the instrument that sang for me ran through my hands and into the rest of my cold body, connecting me physically to something that voiced my feelings distinctly. Unless one lost themselves in the music and the call of the harmony, they would never be able to understand all that I portrayed, all of the things that I emotionally exposed. The haunting compositions that I played were my release and my emancipation from things that were bottled deep within my scared body. The songs were my unspoken words. When I finished I let my hands slowly fall to my side and thanked Edward silently for prerecording the piano accompaniment. It only added to the beauty of the music. When Edward played the piano, it was art, and tonight had been a masterpiece.

Bella's gentle claps filled the room and broke me from my silent world that my mind created. "That was splendid, Jasper. I could literally feel everything you gave to me through the music," she spoke softly. I could feel her reluctance in not wanting to disturbance the peace that surrounded us. I watched as her lips moved with each word she conveyed and followed the light as it highlighted the marvelous beauty that sat before me. Bella's scent mixed with the burning wood from the fire and the wax that melted with their flames. It was a combined scent that captured my sense completely. "Are you alright, Jasper? You seemed to have spaced out on me. I'm sorry if I've bored you. I know I'm not the most interesting person to . . ." the rest of her ramblings were lost in my mouth as my lips surrounded her doubting ones. I could hear my cello as it hit the ground finally. I had rushed over to my angel at vampire speed to taste her lips that moved with such untainted sensuality and uncertainty. I would never understand how Bella created such dichotomies, but I also didn't care. I would never tire of the different facades she presented so unknowingly to me.

"I love you, baby," I spoke in haste and utter need. The words almost seemed desperate as they passed from my lips and into her opened mouth. In that moment I needed her to know all that I felt and I had already gone too long without telling her. Bella whimpered as I deepened the kiss. As our mouths continued to dance with the other, her feelings of love and complete devotion burst within me, making my love for her overflow and unable for me to control.

"Goodness, Jazz, your love is so incredible," she gasped in between deep breaths and exertion. I continued to nibble on her lower lips as her breath left her mouth and traveled onto my face. The air was warm and filled with her scent. "I love you also, baby," Bella cried as she tugged her bottom lip from my sharp teeth and peppered me with butterfly kisses. I had to laugh at her enthusiasm. Bella was absolutely stunning in her innocence and raw emotions. I buried my face in her neck and tried to rein in my emotions. I didn't want her to become too overwhelmed by the constant barrage of emotions I bombarded her with. I knew my love was strong, and her human body fragile.

"Are you ready for the rest, little one?" I asked her after taking charge of my empathic gift once more. Being in my favorite place and being enclosed by her scent helped to calm my raging emotions.

"There's more?" she asked in naïveté. I wondered how she could never understand that there were no lengths I would go for her and Cheyenne.

"Yes, angel, there's more, but nothing quite as phenomenal as this, if I do say so myself." I had really out done myself with her private concert. The next part was simply for us to get to know each other better.

"Everything you accomplish is extraordinary, Jasper, as I'm sure the next part will be."

Before Bella knew what was happening, I picked her up at vampire speed and raced to the front door. I flipped the switch before going outside and made sure to grab her coat. Bella's screams of fright and excitement filled the night air that passed by us.

* * *

Within seconds I was at our designated spot. I sat on the ground and deposited my lovely package in between my out stretched legs. Bella had finally stopped screaming as she realized that the whirling had stopped and we were finally situated. She turned around and started to hit my stone chest. Her face was flushed from her excitement and fear.

"That was completely uncalled for Jasper," she screeched. "The least you could have done was warn me." I grabbed her fists that pounded on my chest and brought them to my mouth. I didn't want her to hurt them on my hardness; she was far too precious and delicate. I kissed her little hands that began to unwind with her adrenalin.

"Where's the fun and surprise of warning you, Bella dear?" she just scoffed at my response.

I brought my arms around Bella as we sat on the blanket surrounded by the fallen autumn leaves.

"Look up, my love." I murmured into her left ear after I pulled back her fallen curls. She quieted down at my touch that filled her with awe. She slowly lifted her head and did as I asked her. She exhaled loudly as she took in the grandeur of the night sky. It was a clear night and we were able to gaze up at the millions of stars that light up the sky just for us, in this moment. "They worship you, Isabella," and no truer words had been spoken. My angel shivered as my fingers caressed the skin that wasn't protected by her coat and scarf.

The wind blew around us, making us snuggle even closer together. The fairy light twinkled in the evening night. They made everything look more enchanting and captivating. The dim little lights danced off of Bella's skin, making her look even more ethereal in my arms. Her hair flew in my face as she leaned her head back on my shoulder. She smelled like the air around us, both comforting and serene. A soft smile graced her lips as music played lightly in the back ground. I shook my head to remove her strands of hair that played with my nose. I placed my right cheek onto her left one and gently rubbed against her skin. I was already warmed from my skin touching hers, but the sensation of our combined friction caused me to heat even more. It was the little things of humanity that my angel had brought back into my life.

Bella brought her hand back and started to caress my other cheek that didn't touch her. Her little fingers danced over my hard face and caused shots of awareness to start in my stomach and travel the length of my body. She never failed to illicit a reaction from my dead limbs.

"Are you warm enough, angel?" I spoke softly in her ear. Her hand stopped moving and rested on my face. I placed a quick kiss to her cheek and waited for her answer. I knew I wasn't the softest thing to lounge on in the world, but had insisted on being near me.

"With you surrounding me, how could you doubt, Jasper?"

The sound of our combined breaths and the blowing wind filled my ears with our won music. I was able to hear more of the sounds of the night and the surrounding trees, but choice to focus on my girl. We sat for a while and just enjoyed being with each other, basking in the brilliance of the moment, the pure perfection of that instant. Things like this were far and few in between for me, and each new memory I made with my angel caused me to heal a little more from the darkness of my past.

"Tell me what scares you so much, angel?" I blurted out before I could even stop my thoughts. Over the last few days, I had wondered what caused her such fear and anxiety. These were some of the emotions I felt from her with each glace she gave me over the last several days after confessions our adulation. They had scared me and caused my own apprehension. Bella wasn't the only one who felt unsecure at times.

Bella was quiet for so long that I feared she wouldn't answer me, but after taking a deep breath and running through an array of emotions, she finally started to confide in me, letting me into her world of disquiet and unease.

"My fears are just that, Jasper, _fears_." I was confused by her play on words. She must have recognized my bewilderment, or perhaps it was my body becoming stiff, because she started to elaborate her thoughts. "What are fears defined as, Jazz?" she asked me, but answered her own question before I could speak, or maybe I was unable to find any words to suffice. "I think of fear as an emotional response to a perceived threat. And believe me when I say there have been many threats in my life that have only solidified these fears." It wasn't that I disagreed with Bella, but I was interested in what she thought on the subject. This was a part of her that I wasn't really allowed into. She kept these worries and concerns close to her chest.

"What perceive threats, angel?" I asked gently. She regarded me for a while. I could feel her inquiry into whether I was serious or not with my curiosity. She gave me a sad, shaky smile before she finally answered.

"There is the threat of me becoming like my mother and putting my selfishness before my little daughter," she mumbled while playing with her hands. She created such a distressing picture. "There is also the threat that I may not have you one day, Jasper. In my world, love has often spelled disaster, or maybe it's just those associated with me. Everyone whom I have loved has suffered in some way. All the examples that were there for me to witness has ended up with some tragedy. These don't really instill confidence, Jazz," water started to gather in her eyes as she spoke of her fears.

"I loved my father but he ended up leaving me, Jasper. There was even a time that I was mad at him for something he had no control over. I yelled and cursed him for leaving me in such a precarious life. I always knew he wasn't to blame, but one cannot always think rationally. You know, he never dated anyone else. I always wondered if he was waiting for the one he always loved to return one day, but that was in vain. Renee was always too selfish, and my father too naïve. Funny huh, Jasper?" She gave me a sardonic smile. It was anything but funny.

"No, angel," I answered her rhetorical question. She ignored my response. It was as if she was in her own world of thoughts and was only narrating to me.

"Then there was my mother. I loved her truly, Jasper. I always wanted her to love her daughter for her own accomplishments and not what she wanted me to be. She taught me not to make the mistakes of her past. What she never realized was she made me sound like I was that mistake. _'Don't get married to young, baby. Live your life before you have to settle. Don't have children too young, Bella. Once you do they change your life forever. There is no going back.'_ she would caution me, never taking into account how I would perceive her words. She made me seem as if I were a burden to her. I know my mother loved me, but there is probably so much she would have been able to accomplish without me there to hinder her," Bella spoke in almost agony.

I wanted to find Renee in that moment and have her listen to the amount of unnecessary and unfair guilt she had instilled in her daughter. I went to grab Bella and take her into my arms, but she pulled away. I was hurt by her reaction, but didn't let it show. I could feel the strength she wanted to portray, and she wouldn't be able to accomplish that if I coddled her. "She went from guy to guy, from one relationship to another, thinking he would be the one to offer what she seemed to be missing and searching for. I can't tell you how many she recycled, but that is her prerogative. I loved her regardless, but I never had what she required, I was just there for the ride.

I didn't know how to respond or if she even wanted my commentary on the subject. It was almost as if she were purging her feelings of being unwanted and not truly needed.

"Then there was Mike," she continued and I stiffened a little at the name. I know she didn't bring him up to hurt me, but he had a piece of Bella that I would never capture, even if he had helped to create the greatest gift in my life (besides Bella's love). My angel turned around and took my face between her hands. Her touch gave me the reassurance I needed. "I know you don't like to hear about him, Jazz, but he was there for me when I needed something solid to hang onto. You were always with me, baby." I removed her right hand from my cheek and planted a kiss on her palm.

"I know," was my simple, steady response.

"Mike was my gentle comforter, Jasper. He never pushed me or made me feel uncomfortable. He defended and protected me unceasingly. I think he felt it his job. I would become exasperated with him at times, but I knew he meant well. He helped to make me whole again in his unassuming and comfortable love. Mike was patience with me, always there to support and give me praise with the littlest of things. It was through this foundation that I finally fell for him," she continued to explain to me in a reverent voice. I knew she held him in high regard.

"I loved him tenderly and warmly. When he touched me I felt quietness and gentleness, he stilled my insecurities. It was as if his love was this soft blanket that covered me with its soothing touch. It's difficult to put into words, and I'm sure you don't want all the specifics, hmm damsel," she tried to jest, while touching my face but her sadness was too much. I almost regretted asking the question.

"You are the damsel, baby." I kissed her hand again that was still in mine. She giggled a little before she turned contemplative again and continued to fill me with her past grief.

"Perhaps you are correct, Jasper. As you already know, Mike saved me and in return ended up in the hospital in a permanent coma." I went to refute her words, but she didn't allow me to speak. "It was my fault, Jasper. If Mike would have never met me then he wouldn't have followed me to Dartmouth and he would have never flown home that morning and gotten into an accident. He would have been home where he belonged, with his mother and father that loved him more than their own lives." Tears streamed down her beautiful face in remembrance of her first true love.

"You know the sad part, Jasper?" she asked but again continued before I could speak. "I held myself back from his love. I never gave him all of me. Point blank, I was afraid to allow myself to fall completely and head-over-heels in love. He adored me with everything and I held back, just for him to become basically nothing in the end. He always deserved better." She may have held herself back, but then without him she wouldn't have the most extraordinary part of her life.

"But then you would have never had Cheyenne, angel," I finally argued. A small smile overtook her face at the thought of her daughter.

I could feel that quiet love and awe she spoke of when she explained Mike to me. I knew she said that she couldn't put into words how she had felt for him, but there was no need. I could feel that love plainly and fully. It did cause me anxiety; I would have been a liar if I denied it, but I could also feel her love for me, and it was more encompassing and passionate. Her love for me was more complete and filled her to the brim. That thought caused me to smile also, even though it was unrelated to hers.

"The only thing that I didn't seem to damage or ruin was you, Jasper; although you also had to suffer. You never knew if I was okay or even alive. All you had was your blind faith in my survival."

"That's not all together correct, baby," I answered her non-question. My words came out in a sort of desperation. I needed her to truly understand and not misinterpret me. "I would have known if something happened to you. Our bond was so much stronger than I ever gave it credit for. Even though I could not see your beautiful face and stare into your eyes, didn't mean I couldn't sense you. It may have been faint at times because of my sins and mistakes, but there was always a glimmer, angel. Your presence in my life has always remained lit, even when I was in total despair. Your love for me was always felt," I finished on a whisper. The venom that gathered in the corner of my eyes burned relentlessly. I deplored when the tears came to fruition. I felt weak in the presence of someone I always wanted to be strong for.

"I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop, Jasper. It's as if it's in my nature to be pessimistic and look for the bad that lurks around the preverbal corner. I do believe you, but I cannot change who I am and the bad thoughts I think overnight." She was wrong if she thought I expected that of her. There was also another's life that she had touched and only made better, but seemed to disregard.

"Cheyenne has never been adversely affected by what you think is a curse, Bella. She has only felt your love and adoration." I tried to reason with her and was hit with her disbelief. I didn't understand what had caused Bella to feel this way, but then remembered what she had told Carlisle. She felt that she had let Cheyenne down when her heart stopped beating. It was just like Bella to take the blame for something she had absolutely no control over.

She explained to me the same as she had to Carlisle. It still caused my heart to break at her words. I wondered how I would react if I ever had the chance to meet Renee, and thought it better not to think of that moment. It only caused anger to swell in me, and Bella needed my love not my disappointment in her mother's failures and limited abilities.

"There are so many people who have it worse than me, Jazz. At least I had a home and food on the table. It doesn't really matter that I had to mother and generally take care of her since I was eight. At least I had what was needed to do that. It could have always been worse. I may not have had the traditional childhood and did all those things that children are suppose to do in their youth, but that's fine. I'll do those things with my little baby. She is my second chance." Bella voice was filled with a deep seeded love that could never be broken. She if could hear her voice when she spoke of her daughter, she would never doubt her abilities.

Her words about her lost childhood touched me deeply. It was something that I also struggled with. I could remember that my mother had loved me tremendously and begged me not to enlist, but I went against her wishes, and selfishly did as I pleased. It is one of the limited memories I have of my human years. I can't remember my childhood or if I even looked up to my father. I cannot say I regret the decision to enlist because I would never have had my Bella and Cheyenne, not to mention the Cullen's. I made a promise to myself in that moment, while I watched my distressed angel. I would give Bella the memories of the childhood she had missed out on. It was something we would do together while creating our own memories. It was something we would also do with my little Cheye beauty. Cheyenne was more than just a second change for my angel.

"That she is, angel. She is all of our second chances. And I'm in love with you just the way you are, professed faults and all. You love me for some odd reason that I cannot comprehend, and my past is filled with such despair and hardship. We love each other in spite of those short comings, little one, and I'll continue to love you until I am no more." I wiped the tears that fell down her flushed cheeks. Her skin was only enhanced with her pink infusion. "No tears, angel, remember; only smiles for your damsel-in-distress. You cannot make a proper hero with tear stained cheeks, baby." She gave me a watery chuckle that made me feel better. Her face was created for laughter.

"You won't allow me to disparage myself, hmm Jasper?" she jested. I didn't laugh at her words but chose instead to bring her closer to me so that I could touch her lips with my own. I loved sampling her delicious mouth and all the talking had made me hungry. I laid on my back and brought Bella along for the ride. I loved feeling her weight on me, and I loved having her body lying on top of mine without the disruption of her baby bump. It was something that I was becoming accustomed to. I would always miss having my little beauty in her mommy's tummy and kicking my hand while I talked to her, but I also loved having her mommy all to my very lonesome, easier to corrupt. I wrapped my arms securely around her back and wondered how she could always do this to me, drive me almost insane with my want for her.

"Goodness, your kisses drive me insane, Jasper. Never stop, baby," she almost begged before her tongue traced the outline of mine. That was something I intended to fulfill and to my fullest ability.

"Never, angel," I murmured into our kiss. I spent the rest of our time together showing her that was a promise I wouldn't relent on. I just hope her lips wouldn't be too tender the next day because I planned to kiss her even more. Her mouth all but pleaded for my devotion.

Being lost and surrounded by my angel was my personal euphoria.

"_I'm so in love with you, angel," _filtered through my mind, out through my mouth and into hers.

* * *

Author's Notes Continued: Okay loves, there you have it. Hoped it was alright; not the traditional first date, but what about their relationship has been.

I do, however; have a little bone to pick. I hardly ever ask for reviews (okay but that is beside the point . . . lol) because I try to leave it to the discretion of the reader, BUT only receiving twelve reviews isn't really fair. I gave to you twenty pages and over twelve thousand words, last chapter. It's truly not like I'm asking for thirty review for each chapter, but a little more would be nice. I have been struggling with this story. I have all the ideas in my head, waiting to be written, but it seems as if it really isn't generating the interest anymore. I don't want to waste my time on this story any longer if it isn't living up to the standards I try to set for myself.

I've seemed to have found a new whim for this story, so if you would like me to continue please, let me know, and if not, that's also fine. There are other idea's I've been waiting to write on. I know the sporadic updates haven't really inspired confidence, but as I stated I was struggling. So with my little whiney plea out of the way, I hope you did enjoy the chapter. I had a completely different idea for their first date, but knew it wouldn't quite work and the characters wouldn't let me write it, so this is what came out.

Of course my favorite part was the last few lines – I would love for that yummy vampire to inspire the same kind of confidence in me.

_Posted: 4 January 2011_


	8. Chapter VIII

Disclaimer: SM and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's Notes: Hello loves! Hope you enjoy the latest chapter. Don't forget to look at the pictures posted on the profile page.

_**My prayers and well wishes go out to all of those affected by the terrible tragedy in Arizona. Such senseless violence that takes the lives of those we love and cherish so dearly. May you feel the love of the Nation, and the prayers of those who wish you the most love in your hardest of adversity. :*(**_

**Chapter Eight**

_Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality. _

_- Edgar Allen Poe _

19 December – Saturday Morning – Bella's POV

Last night's memories filtered through my mind as the weak morning light flitted in through the cracks in the curtains.

_The night before _

_Cheyenne's cries rang through the bedroom. I refused to pick her up and waited for her to fall asleep while having her stomach rubbed. I knew Jasper could feel my anxiousness in wanting to pick up my crying daughter, but also having her learn that she couldn't be held at all times. It was difficult to navigate, but something that needed to be accomplished. My understanding vampire went to say something, but I immediately cut him off. _

"_Jasper, I can take care of my daughter on my own. I don't need you to run interference every time I confess to being tired," I snapped. I knew it wasn't his fault, me being in a bad mood due to lack of sleep, but I couldn't seem to help taking it out on him. He was always so patience with me, and sometimes that made it worse. There were times that I wanted him to become as worked up as I was. After I had my episodes I would feel remorse and terrible guilt. His only offense was in him loving me, and I gave back that love by yelling at him. At the time all I wanted was to take out my aggression and aggravation on someone who could give it back, but it was so rare that he ever rose to the challenge my anger issued. _

"_I know, angel," he replied in his ever patience voice, "I just want to help. I hate to see you feeling as if you have to do everything on your own." His gentle voice washed over me, only making the guilt intensify. _

_I know it wasn't his intention, and I hated that he could feel my emotions in that moment. Again, it wasn't his responsibility I was such a monster. I pulled his hand from my face and placed a small, regretful kiss in the center, pushed my feelings of love and contrition at him. If I couldn't verbalize my thoughts then at least he could feel them. _

"_I'm trying Jasper, I truly am. I simply cannot change overnight," I said once again. I wondered if he tired of my excuses. "I'm just sorry you have to put up with such a beast as me. What can I do to make it up to you?" I already knew the answer before he spoke. _

"_If you really want to make something up to me, then allow me to call Esme and Carlisle. Give them the chance and opportunity to watch her for the night. She'll be here promptly the next day. What do you say, angel, may I make the call?" he asked in his sweetest voice that never failed to insure him what he wanted. And just to make sure I wouldn't budge, he gave me the eyes I fell for time and time again. _

"_Fine, Jazz, make the call because you never play fair," I grumbled good-naturedly. "You always know how to . . ." _

_I never finished my lecture because his lips replaced my words. The hard press of his mouth had me moaning as his tongue stroked my bottom lip. It truly wasn't fair the knowledge that vampire had over me. '_To hell with fair'_, my brain thought. With skill such as his, who needed anything else? "You're a terrible cheat, Jasper." _

_He continued to nibble on my bottom lip, being careful not to cut me, as he mumbled his reply, "That I am, angel. Any objections?" _

"_None whatsoever," I sighed before he took the liberty of sticking his luscious tongue into my opened mouth. _

The memories from the night previous made me smile even bigger. Since Jasper and I had expressed our love, not much time went by that we weren't expressing that love physically. That thought had made me smile at odd times during the day. I felt like a school girl with her first crush. It was a heady experience, but also scary at times because I had a lot more riding on this relationship then just a bruised ego and unrequited emotions.

Other times, it still amazed me that I was actually kissing Jasper, and loving the way his mouth worked over mine, making me hunger for him even more. He had saved me as a little girl and continued to save me, from even myself. Jasper was my literal hero and the love of my heart. I only hoped to be half the person he was for me and helped to fill that void I had felt without his presence in my life. It was crazy how the soul could recognize something missing from oneself and knew the exact reason, but all one could feel was the emptiness and loneliness of that missing piece. Until that missing portion was returned, then one continued to be sad for an unknown reason, always hoping that void would be filled. It had been that way with Mike. I loved him and would always be grateful for the gift he had given to me in Cheyenne, but I was never quite whole, and never understood the very reason until Jasper came back crashing into my life.

In the little moments that now filled my life between my love and duties to my daughter, Jasper had taken the opportunity to fill those so completely. It had been strange at first when he would unexpectedly come up from behind me and turn me around at vampire speed. I still hadn't adjusted to the literal speed and would become dizzy, but then Jasper would kiss me, and I would become dizzy for another, better reason. I sounded so cliché at times and had to laugh at my gushiness. I hated sounded so sweet and like a school girl, but I loved Jasper more, and anything that I didn't like, which related to him, was taken with a grain of salt. Jasper was always worth everything, including my own life. I knew he would disagree and flip out completely if he could read that thought, but the only thing he could do was feel my immense love for him, and that was always fine with me.

I stretched my well rested body and smiled for no apparent reason. Jasper truly messed me up in so many delicious ways. A giggle escaped my lips and I soon chided myself for such behavior. I was a mother now and had to act accordingly. Well according to Rose, I was still a woman and could act any damn way I pleased, and to hell with anyone who had a problem with that. I blushed at her words, but knew she was correct. However, I still wanted to act with some decorum, if only for my daughter.

At the thought of my love, I finally realized that he wasn't in bed with me. It was so rare that he wasn't there when I awoke. He always claimed he wanted to be the first thing I saw when I awoke from a place that excluded him. But he was wrong when he said that, I often dreamed of him and the things I wanted out of life with him, my daughter, and the Cullen's. I didn't dream of him every night, but when I did, I couldn't help but wake with a smile on my lips and see the very thing I dreamt about there waiting for me. It was something every girl had imagined when younger, even the cynical ones such as myself.

I rolled over to my side and could tell he had been gone for a while. It was only seven in the morning and I knew he liked to go hunting while it was still dark outside, less detection, or so he claimed. I turned back onto my side and wondered where he was hunting. There weren't many places where he would go without letting me know. Jasper was amazing like that. I never had to ask him where he was going, not that he went many placed without Cheyenne and me. I tossed the blanket from my person and shivered a little at the coldness of the air.

I looked at the clock that also had the temperature and saw that it was seventy-nine. That wasn't terribly cold, but it was also never pleasant to leave the warm, comfort of one's bed. I quickly made my way to the en suite bathroom and shut the door. I had learned that trait when Emmett had almost seen me in the nude because he had barged in without knocking. I relieved myself and went to wash my hands. While the warm water poured over my hands, I noticed a note on the counter by Jasper's side of the sink. He knew the bathroom was usually my first stop before making my way to my sometimes still sleeping daughter.

Another small smile crept over my lips at his thoughtfulness and his knowing me so well. That vampire had to be close to perfect. It was almost scary how wonderful he was. I felt so inadequate at times.

I finished with my hands and dried them on the available towel. I picked up the heavy piece of paper and admired his elegant handwriting. I could only wish to have such beautiful penmanship. I was also grateful that people could at least read my chicken scratch.

As I started to read the first line, I gasped at his writings.

_You wore me out last night, angel._

I blushed at the thought the note invoked.

_Not like that, baby, please get your filthy mind out of the gutter, unless you would like to play out those wonderful and naughty thoughts. However, those are things for another day (hopefully soon *wink*). _

Another blush.

_Between your more than anxious love and your gorgeous, amorous lips on mine, I felt somewhat depleted. I'm sorry not to be there when you opened those mint-chocolate eyes that never fail to excite me, but I needed to hunt, angel. The strain of the last two weeks has caught up to your supposed invincible vampire. I love my little beauty, but she can be a demanding little princess. I naturally blame Carlisle. I hope to be there when you wake up, but if not know that I'm so in love with you and cannot wait to make love to those luscious lips that beckon to me. I shouldn't be long, angel. Know that I always love you unconditionally, baby. _

_-Jasper _

Goodness, I loved that man beyond measure. I blushed; just thinking about the intense make out session we had engaged in last night sent those tingles down my back and arms. It hadn't gone further than kissing, but that didn't take away from the need I had for him. I still wasn't quite ready to go further, and he being a doctor knew that my body needed more time to recover from having an almost seven pound baby coming out of me. It was nice that I didn't have to explain such things to him. Thank goodness for medical school.

After I brushed my teeth and took a quick shower, I got out and took the time to blow dry my hair. It was a luxury I had missed while in the hospital. I had hated it previous to birthing Cheyenne, but now loved to do. The simple mundane things in life, taught me that I was grateful to be alive to even perform those tasks. Once I was somewhat put together and dressed in a simple off-white cashmere sweater and brown pants, I walked out of the bedroom and called out for Jasper. When he didn't answer, I pouted a little before letting a devious smile take over my lips.

I rushed to the kitchen and took the time to make myself decadent chocolate pancakes. There had been one plus for Jasper not being here this morning. The chocolate and the syrup burst in my mouth feeling it with a beautiful sweetness. Since the hospital, Jasper had become even more of a tyrant with my diet. I couldn't blame him. There was so little he could help with in my life, and making sure I received the proper nutrition was one of those things. Sometimes I pouted at the numerous salads, but had become more even tempered. He simply loved me and wanted the best.

After I finished my most delicious breakfast and washed away the evidence, I looked at the clock and noticed it was close to nine in the morning. I wondered what had kept Jasper for so long. I was also becoming anxious about seeing Cheyenne again. She had only been gone for the night, but I hated being separated from her, especially at such a young age. She was my life and my love. I wondered if Jasper had meant for me to meet him at the Cullen's. I looked at the clock again before finally making up my indecisive mine. I ran into my bedroom and grabbed a pair of boots that Rose had insisted I needed. I loved my best friend, but sometimes she too went overboard, perhaps that was the theme of the Cullen's.

I ran back into the kitchen with my coat dangling from my fingers, grabbed my keys and purse, and made my way out to the garage. After I adjusted my outer clothes and shoes, I unlocked the doors to my new SUV (another splurge from my beloved, not to mention handsome vampire) and got into the driver's seat. Fear suddenly took over me as I gripped the stirring wheel for dear life. I hadn't driven since my accident and had a sudden stage fright. I put my head down on the steering wheel and proceeded to chide myself for such a stupid reaction. It had been months since then, but the reluctance was still real. I tried laughing off my foolishness and calm my shaking fingers.

"Come now, Bella, this is just silly. What would your father think of you being scared of a simple car?" I tried to prep-talk myself. I knew my father would be proud of me being cautious. He had loved his little girl and always wanted her safe.

With a deep breath that almost burst my lungs, I willed the fear to leave my tense body. I thought of my little darling waiting for her mommy, and Jasper's loving arms waiting to surround me. It was these thoughts, more than anything, that finally caused me to push the button and start the car. Technology was so cool these days; imagine, pushing a button to start a car. It was a far cry from my secondhand car I had for years that had bursts of not wanting to start at times. I laughed at the thought while waiting for the garage door to open fully. I put the car in reverse, took in another deep breath to calm my racing heart, and pulled away from the safety of the house. I was on my way to my little family I loved and missed. It had been strange waking up alone and in a quiet house. As much as Cheyenne had been demanding these last weeks, I wouldn't have traded her for anything, and that included sleeping through the night.

My mind was consumed for the rest of the ride with reflections of my precious daughter that had completed my life, just as Jasper had.

* * *

Bella's POV

The drive to the Cullen's was shorter than I had remembered. Perhaps my mind being occupied had made the time seem like it had passed without me even noticing. I was excited to see my little daughter. I had an amazing time being with Jasper last night, but I also missed cuddling with Cheyenne in the morning. It had been part of our morning routine, her and my time.

My mouth hung open as I took in the grandeur of the Cullen's house for the first time. I had seen pictures from Jasper's album, but even his talent couldn't do justice to the house that was more of a mansion. I also understood that they needed the space with all of the members of the family living together.

The outside was all wood, glass, and concrete. It probably would have classified as modern, but it seemed to fit into the wooded setting that wrapped around its structure. The house reached up three stories and seemed as if it had three wings attached to it. I could only imagine the splendor of the inside. I knew the Cullen's had money to spend, but seeing one of their many houses, only put their wealth into more of a perspective. My hands sweated at the thought, for some reason I couldn't explain. I wiped my palms on my pants before making my way out of the car and up to the front of the house.

The car door locking caused me jump. I had been so focused on the house that I hadn't been paying attention to my surroundings. I knew better than that, my two left feet usually made me pay better attention. I tripped a little on the grand staircase that led to the porch. My clumsiness knew no bounds. When I finally reached the front door that looked to be solid mahogany, I quickly knocked on the door. I wasn't sure why I was so nervous, but for some reason, the hairs on the back of my neck rose as goose bumps broke out over my arms.

Sometimes I was beyond ludicrous. I had no reason to fear the Cullen's.

* * *

I gloried as my fingers danced over the keys that fed peace to my soul, closing my eyes and allowing my ghosts to leave my dispirited body. It was the times I sat at my piano and played to my heart's content that I had felt at harmony. Not many in my family could understand this concept. It wasn't their burden to understand the damage I felt within me. That blackness that plagued me had no business tainting the members of my family. I had often felt terrible that Alice and Jasper could be privy to such destruction because of their gifts. Jasper was less affected because as much as we didn't have in common, killing other's for our own nourishment was something we did. I was completely ashamed of my past and the lives I had taken (although at the time I had thought they deserved it). Some mistakes couldn't be rectified or repented of. My family thought these notions were cynical and jaded, but they didn't care the same afflictions that I possessed.

Regardless of what they believed, I knew we didn't have souls. How could a monster of the night and shadows embody a soul? It almost seemed unfair to those humans who were killed by my kind for their blood. It also was unfair to those people who had lived their entire lives in the light and by some kind of moral compass. My life had been so far removed from those kinds of actions. I may have had a firm control over my appetite now, but my past had already been lived and I had taken lives. One couldn't undue what had already been done, no matter how many venom-tears filled my eyes.

So I lived with my cynical opinions, day in and day out, never fully forgiving myself for what I had become and what I had taken due to my internal nature. My family tried to live as closely to a humanity we had lost, but there were some things we couldn't breach, no matter how much we pretended. Carlisle was the closest to being human once again, and even he fell short in his perfection. We were all damaged.

ooOooOooOooOooOooOoo

Before I could comprehend what had happened, my fingers slipped from the keys and stopped dead in their tracks. It felt as if nature had finally taken its course and Rigamortis had set in my dead corpse. Stiff was an understatement to how I felt.

The smell was beyond delicious, something out of my wildest dreams. How did one describe something that was utter perfection? My eyes closed out of ecstasy, taking in a deep and much needed breath. The damage within me crooned.

A smile that would have made the devil purr, slipped over my lips as they continued to curl up at the corners. I could only imagine how dark my eyes had turned, and how close to the pits of hell they resembled.

My limbs seemed to act on their own accord, not needing any direction to the blood that practically screamed to me. My legs brought me closer to my goal as if I were on autopilot. Venom filled my mouth at the thought of sinking my sharp teeth into that succulent neck and taking what I couldn't live without, while my tongue laved up the drops of fallen red drops.

I heard another polite knock at the door and knew they were literally knocking on deaths door. Was there any sweeter irony?

My hand grabbed the door handle that lead to my ultimate rapture, the blood that would define my existence, excuse my pitiful excuse of a life. The venom in my mouth almost spilled out as I opened the door and for the first time beheld my prey, my salvation. It was a slip of a girl that quivered at the sight of me. Her response only added to my pleasure, my need to taste her blood now filled with fear.

"I'm so-sorry to have both-bothered you," she stuttered, a smile appearing on my face. "Is Rose or Esme here?" she asked, her body started to shack with her apparent fear.

"No bother, love," I answered, my voice thick with its silkiness. Her cheeks flooded with my next meal. Her blush only brought her blood closer to the surface, closer to my venom-coated teeth. I could practically taste the freesia. "There is no rush," I taunted.

I took a step out of the door and signed her death warrant. It was unfortunate she had to die, but I required her blood to sustain me more than she had need of it. After seeing my reaction, she backed up from the door and tripped over her feet.

Another disturbing smile broke over my lips. I hadn't felt this rush in years: the ultimate chase to the unfortunate sacrifice. It was the nature of life: the predator and the prey. Her blood would call out to me like blood called out to a shark from miles away. I closed my eyes and luxuriated in the glorious smell that was her blood. Nothing has ever smelled so venom-watering appetizing.

"I think I ha-ha-had better lea-leave. Jasper must be worried ab-about m-me," her stuttering was funny to the demon within me. Jasper had nothing to do with the situation.

My eyes finally opened again. I could only imagine how obsidian black my irises appeared and the twisted smile on my mouth. "You aren't going anywhere, love, you are needed here." Her eyes started to water and I knew that her tears weren't far behind. It was regrettable her tears didn't affect me.

"Please, tell Rose that Bel-Bella was he-here to take my daughter home." She was polite even in the face of death. Salt water started to fall from her somewhat green eyes. I couldn't call the color hazel because the green seemed almost independent from the brown. The thought seemed to pull something from the recesses of my mind, but the demon inside of me reasserted its control.

"Rosalie will have no need for your message, love." I laughed as if I were a manic. I watched as she swallowed hard, as if her throat had closed up on her out of fear. The ill-fated movement only called my attention to her pale-white column. Her purple veins stood out against the pallid color of her soft flesh, the hot, fresh blood flowing freely in those brittle tubes. I took the opportunity to look at her face again, and something pulled at me, something that had nothing to do with her blood.

One imagine after the other flooded my monster-induced brain: pictures of her crying on Carlisle's shoulder, pictures of her laughing and joking with Rose and Emmett, pictures of her watching Jasper with admiration shining through her face, pictures of her kissing her daughter, talking to her daughter, sleeping with her daughter that looked nothing like her.

This person whose blood was my ultimate salvation was Jasper's Bella, but more importantly, the little child's mother.

"Run!" I demanded all of a sudden, in a voice that came out harsh.

I hadn't a clue as to how long I would be in control of my conscious self and she needed to abscond. I bent over from the sheer amount of control I was trying to maintain. The call of her blood only made me weak.

"Are you ok-okay?" she asked in a timid but frightful voice. I wanted to literally backslap her for the utter stupidity. I had demanded her to leave and she worried about my struggles. I knew she had no clue as to what was happening and how close her life was to being forfeited, but I had told her to run.

"Get the fuck away from me," I yelled harshly, trying to get my point across. "Fucking, run!" I would think about my crass language later, if I had not killed her already.

I could hear her stumbling backwards, probably due to the austerity of my voice. She had finally turned around and started running towards her car. I wanted to rejoice at her escape, but it would have been short lived.

Bella fell to the ground and had cut herself. Her blood now ran free from the obstruction of her body. My internal monster was back preening, and I was on the hunt once more. I pulled myself up again and allowed a sinister smile to take over my poison-dripping lips. I took my perceptible chance.

I ran towards her and jumped on top of my fallen victim. My hands landed on either side of her head, expertly caging her in. Her entire body trembled with her fright. Her eyes became wild as she looked for an escape that would never come. Her legs had become tangled with my own, and her struggles were in vain. Numerous tears poured from her now swollen eyes, causing her to look like some tragic heroine in a novel.

"Jasper . . . I love you," she whispered after she stopped fighting. If I had a heart, it would have broken from the amount of love and longing she had infused into her words.

Her blood started to sing to me again. It was as if a chorus of angels had come down from heavens to serenade me with their angelic sounds. My venom rushed through my veins and pooled into my overflowing mouth. My dry throat burned with a fire I had never felt or wished to feel again. It felt as if that blood that screamed to me would be the only thing that could quench my thirst, the fire that burned for one drop of her liquid gold.

"Cheyenne, mommy will always be with you," she whispered again, pulling me from the glorious melody in my head. More imagines started to flow to me. I shook my head to try and clear it, but the images were persistent.

_The little child sleeping on Rosalie's chest, the little child's bright blue eyes as she studied me from over Esme's shoulder, the little child's cry as she was placed into her bassinet._

I had been weary of her while Rosalie had been watching her for the night. I watched her from the corner of my eye and in my family's thoughts. I didn't want to get to close. She was too innocent to be contaminated with my madness. Innocence was meant to be protected and cherished. I had been amazed that something could be so small, yet so captivating. I tried not to laugh when she had been crying and pulled Carlisle's hair in her flailing hands. He lovingly removed the tiny creature's fingers and placed kisses on them. His thoughts spoke of nothing but his worship and devotion to her life and health.

I felt a pressure within my gut and knew that something was trying to take over again. I pushed back but was temporarily intercepted. My fiend had all the power and I was powerless to watch.

"And the time has come, sweet Bella. Are you ready to meet your maker?" it taunted her. She only cried all the harder, her eyes nearly swollen closed. "Mmm, such a delectable scent." Bella's eyes opened at the comment and I could see bravery in her murky depths. If she were going to face her death it wouldn't be with her cowering. The intensity pulled at me again, and helped me to reaffirm some power. I took my opportunity and painstakingly rolled myself from off of her.

"Run," I grunted, trying to fight both my demon and the immense pain.

It was as if a tug-of-war was taking place inside of me; one self trying to dominate the other. Before I knew what was happening, I was able to assert control over the demon that lived deep within my body. It was the reason I has no soul. A demon couldn't co-habitat with some as pure as a soul. The dark and the light would be at constant battle, driving me to near lunacy.

I heard Bella faltering to stand. She finally reached her feet and started scrambling to get away from me. I could feel something within my chest unclenching. I thought of Bella and her little child, her innocent beautiful blue-eyed baby. She had surly come from a heaven. She was so new to the world and had so much to learn and live. She needed her mother and her mother's love. I couldn't be the one to take away such a gift.

The thoughts helped and Bella was able to get further and further from me.

Then the unthinkable happened. _I remembered the call of her blood, the feeling of sinking my teeth into her neck, the euphoria she felt the last moments of her life, the utter joy and nirvana I felt in drinking her blood from her broken and sagging neck._

I had been captured again.

_Literally_

_

* * *

_

Author's Notes Continued: SO there you have it loves, Edward has made an appearance. I know, finally. =)

I hope his Point of view wasn't too disappointing. It was the first time I have written that part, and to be honest, it wasn't the easiest. Edward to me is a finicky character to accomplish. I just hope I was able to do his character some justice, and not make him too much like Jasper. Tell me; was it too much like Jasper? Was his POV believable?

Also, thanks so much for all the reviews and beautiful words. It wasn't the amount of reviews my whiny scolding accomplished, but the depth of the reviews. They were so wonderful. My responses to all of them culminated over four thousand words. That's how thankful I was for the lovely and heartfelt replies.

Hope all is well and much love as always.

_Posted: 13 January 2011_


	9. Chapter IX

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Chapter Nine**

"_Our greatest evils flow from ourselves."_

_- Jean Jacques Rousseau_

19 December – Saturday Afternoon – Edward's POV

_Just a little closer_ . . . the mellifluous voice in my head crooned. It could smell the fright from Bella. _You deserve this, Edward. All the decades you have sustained. All that rich, thick, warm, crimson blood – all at your disposable. One bite into that defenseless neck, that's all it takes, and the blood will gush out like a geyser. _

_Mmm, smell the panic, complete bliss. _

_No_ . . . I argued with myself. I wondered if I had hit the pinnacle of my lucidness. Killing someone they had come to loved would have been unforgiveable. I could never disappoint my family in such an affectation. They had been my life in such a bleak existence. How could I ever hurt Carlisle after all the strife and turmoil I had already created in his life? _I can't harm the girl_.

_But the blood, Edward, imagine the saccharine taste, spilling onto your dry tongue_, the voice that was quickly becoming my conscious, whispered. I had never experienced such a thing. While I had gone through my rebellion I was in complete charge. I had never allowed the animal within me to rule during my vigil-anti, in case there had been a person not deserving around to be bitten and drained. I had taken the utmost responsibly when I condemned a person to death (that seemed almost like an oxymoron when I thought about it).

A picture of the little child shot into my head and the voice quickly seemed to dispel. I wondered about her power and her already prevalent influence in my life. I couldn't quite understand her appeal, or why she was the one to help with the longing I felt in ending her mother's life. Just like my dead existence on the earth, some things were simply unexplainable.

The wind around us kicked up and blew her tantalizing scent straight into my clenched gut again. I seemed to have no saving grace in that next moment except for a little child that didn't even have the ability to hold up her head fully. The smell of my singer's life source was enticing and I knew nothing would have ever been as glorious as the call of that particular sanguineous fluid.

Bella's fears were finally vocalized as her screams of fright pierced the air. It amazed me, the joy I felt from her terror. Before I could bend down again, more imagines bombarded my mind, and intensified my longing to taste her blood.

_Middle aged woman – looking around an empty street – walks to her car and fumbles with her keys – she is in a fright – the fragrance of her blood is all that's noticed – woman smiles – turns around – her neck is quickly snapped – blood flows freely – ultimate __**nirvana**__. _

Bam!

I fell to the side as something solid collided with me. The images soon disappeared as growling filled my ears. I felt as my arms were pinned to my side and my legs were sandwiched between someone else's. In that moment, another saving grace had arrived and saved the girl, and also myself. All I wanted in that moment was to curl into a ball and evaporate. I had never wanted this life, and today was the proof of why. The lives I had taken had been my choice, and they were always something I would regret, but the decision to take Bella's life had been almost beyond my control. I had been seconds from literally ending her.

Even though I had pulled myself away from her and begged her to run, I knew if I had allowed my demon to take over, distance wouldn't have mattered. It was a sad reality to what I was. The grief that took over me was overwhelming and I prayed that the fire of my guilt would do it's required job and finish me off, but as time passed I knew even I wasn't that blessed.

I pulled away from my thoughts and finally opened my eyes to the disaster I had caused. Blonde hair, stormy obsidian eyes, and a fierce snarl on his lips is what greeted my sight. Jasper had arrived in time and saved his love.

"Jasper, please be careful," the foolish girl yelled. I couldn't comprehend why she was still even around. I had given her the opportunity to run, and yet I could still hear her shouts to my rabid brother.

"Don't worry about me, angel!" his growls ceased as he screamed at her, almost ripping his vocals. Jasper's thoughts demanded entrance into my head once more and I watched as he thought of her life and how he loved her beyond reason. His loved touched me, but it was something I couldn't empathize with. Those feelings of romantic adulation were foreign to me. A love that was pure and untouchable.

The only pure thing that I could understand or that had ever gotten so near me had been the little child. Mental descriptions of Rose feeing her, kissing her plush little cheeks and neck, Rose smelling her and sighing with so much love she felt for the little child; so untainted by the vile things of this world. The more I contemplation her, the more I pulled on those memories and innocence and fought the pull of the thing that resided in me. I stopped my internal fight and rejoiced as my body started to become limp.

The more I pondered these things, the more control I was able to assert. Little by little, I could feel my proper self returning.

"That right, brother," Jasper's voice filled my raging ears. All the sounds around me were loud and penetrated my brain. "Fight, Edward. You are stronger than that longing inside of you. There is still your humanity. You're the strongest of us all, brother. Do something that even I couldn't accomplish," he pleaded. I could read the clear regret he had, for taking Shelley's life, in his thoughts.

_You had such an opportunity_ . . . the voice chided once more before I pushed it away and did my best to diminish my demon into my black depths.

My body quickly sagged once more, devoid of the chase and the adrenalin that had coursed through me. My kind thought that we couldn't tire, but how wrong they surely were. I was more than proof that a vampire could reach his or her limit. The sound of tires spinning out on the gravel pulled Jasper's eyes from my own and onto his love's retreat. I exhaled the tension from my body, making sure not to inhale. I could only imagine how her scent still hung in the air.

Silence, except Jasper's labored breath, filled the space around us. I had refused to breathe.

"Why and how were you able to stop?" Jasper immediately asked once he was certain Bella had gone.

I knew this was the thing he was thinking the most right now. He was, of course, worried about Bella and her being my singer, but he wanted to know how I was able to stop myself. The curiosity in his mind was a powerful thing, which pulled at my concentration until all I wanted to do was answer him. I wanted to answer him honestly, but felt penitent in whom I had used to overcome such horrendous thoughts. I wanted to curl into a ball for using someone so innocent for my nefarious thoughts.

"Why are you feeling so guilty, Edward?" his voice was filled with both anger and concern. His thoughts told me he may have suspected something happened with Bella over my guilt, but was also worried about my state of mind. I was his brother after all.

I pushed him gently and after one quick, but thorough, appraisal he relented. I was still trembling from my earlier fight, but I was more in command. I hesitantly sampled the air and could still smell her. My venom instantly returned, but the thing inside me stayed hidden. I thanked anyone who listened for small miracles.

"I apologize, Jasper," I whispered from my position on the ground. Jasper was still over me, but his hands had slackened their hold and were now there for lack of something to do with them. He had been ready to defend her, but those actions were no longer needed.

"For what, Edward? Could you please tell me something that makes some fucking sense?" he was angry, but more at the entire situation and not being able to process what had happened and what ultimately cause me to stop the chase of my singer. I gathered my limited courage and looked to my brother whom I had never felt close to. I loved Jasper in my own way, but we had never bonded over issues that would have rendered us closer, even though we had much in common.

I took a deep breath and once again regretted my decision as I quickly closed my passage ways. My resistance was already down, and I didn't know how much more I would be able to withstand. I didn't want to have to use the little child again.

"I used your little one, Jasper," my answer finally left my scorched lips. I dropped my pitiful head onto the ground and waited for my brother to tear my useless limbs away from my body. I blocked out his thoughts not wanting to know where he was going to strike. I didn't want the chance to stop him.

"What do you mean you used Cheyenne, Edward?" his anger was palpable. I didn't need to be a mind reader to know that he wanted to disembody me. Drops of his venom landed on my face, and stung where they landed, from his mouth. I didn't try to wipe them from me; they were only a little piece of pain I was going to be feeling after I answered his question, and they were rightly deserved.

"I'm sorry, Jasper, Rose had her over here today, but I kept my distance," I continued to whisper into the ground. "I didn't want her to see something as vile as me. She has a soul and should never have to witness someone, or something in my case, with a lack of a soul." I thought of her mother and what had happened after. I didn't mention this because there was no point; Jasper had been a witness to my abhorrent actions.

"After everything happened, you thought of your love for her mother, and your love for Bella. You love the little child so fully, Jasper. I read that in your mind. I remembered her today with Rose. I thought of her little person, and her complete innocence. I thought of her unblemished little soul, and her pristine spirit. I used her innocuous presence in my mind to pull me from the thing that tried to push me into my darkened depths," I finished on a whisper filled with such ignominy.

I felt beyond ashamed for what I had done, and waited for my due punishment. "I'm so sorry for using the little child, Jasper," I apologized pitifully again. I wanted him to truly know of my sorrow before he finished me completely.

I felt him lean in closer to me as his hands tightened around my shoulders. He yanked me up into a sitting position, and just when I thought he was going to decapitate me, he brought me into his arms. I was beyond perplexed by his actions. I wondered why he hadn't taken out his aggression out onto me, why hadn't he defended Bella's honor for my actions towards her. But more importantly, why hadn't he stopped the very breath that entered my body for using something as innocent as the little child? My arms were kept at my side, unmoving. My mind wandered around in every direction as my emotions careened out of control.

"It's okay, Edward," he whispered to me continuously. With his acceptance of my actions, I felt myself falling faster than I could have possibility imagined. I entered his mind, wanting to know if he were telling the truth or just appeasing my appalling behavior. They told me of his immense anger at my actions and his immense fury at me trying to hurt Bella, but there was something under that vehemence, which stopped him from harming me.

He had understood my actions without a doubt. He empathized with me. He was also angry with himself. He had also come into contact with his singer, but instead of fighting off his monster that wanted nothing more than to sink its teeth into her pliable neck, he had lost control and submitted to the temptation. His eyes had turned red with her blood flowing through his body. He wanted to end his pitiful existence. He wanted to leave the place that had brought Shelly to him and return to the hell from whence he came.

Jasper buried his face in his hands that were behind my neck and started to mourn again for all he had done to her. He knew that it was inevitable, but the feelings of guilt and emptiness at her death had never left him. Carlisle, Peter, and unknowingly, Bella had helped to assuage him of those feelings, but he always kept them with him.

He had never wanted to be that monster again, so he kept those feelings in his person. I carried my own guilt at the lives I had taken, but I don't think the guilt I felt ever reached the depth of compunction that Jasper had reached. In that moment, I learned something about my brother I never really realized before; he was beyond unbelievable in being able to live with amounts of guilt and shame he felt with all his past dealings. It was something I continued to struggle with and probably always would.

I shyly wrapped my arms around my brother's back, allowing my own emotions to join his. I knew I wasn't far from losing it, but I wanted to understand where he came from and why he hadn't killed me.

The first drop of venom filled my eyes and was soon joined by an unremitting stream that never had any intention of falling away. Both of our bodies shook with our grief and our past sins. I would never know how much time passed, but I knew in that moment we held onto each other, our dead bodies were bombarded and infused with our combined sorrow, regretful affliction, dejection, and all around remorse.

Time didn't exist and neither did our embarrassment and modesty at holding each other. We were two brother colluded together through our experiences and transgressions. People may have thought other things, but they were prosaic. In my time of need, my brother had reached out to me, and I had timidly reached back, allowing someone to comfort and take my tribulations.

It was a harrowing experience, but also cathartic in letting myself release my pent up emotions. When my body finally felt sated from the many sensations it had experienced, I pulled back from Jasper and watched as he also struggled to pull himself together. We both looked at the other. I pushed my thankfulness to him for his unyielding understanding and love of his family. His thoughts forcefully entered my mind as I read his gratefulness at not hurting his Bella, and for being able to overcome the temptation of my singer; something he wasn't able to accomplish. I simply nodded to him before I looked away.

"Come, Edward, let's go inside and sit on the couch like civilized vampires do," he jested, his voice still thick with his emotions. A diminutive smile broke over my face as I stood and walked with my brother into the house. We both dusted off our clothes at a fast pace, displacing the accumulated dirt that had gathered on us, neither of us wanting to face Esme's wrath for messing up her antiques. We entered the living room and sat on the sofa. Jasper immediately sagged. I thought his posture was horrid for a vampire, and unneeded. We didn't really feel tired anymore, so I wondered why Jasper had felt the need to sit in such a manner. He looked at me and answered my question probably after feeling my curiosity.

"I am tired, Edward. I know that we as a race don't tire, but I am. Cheyenne has become accustomed to being held so often that she now finds it an inconvenience when someone puts her down. Bella was beyond stressed out with her spoiled daughter that I sent her off to bed around midnight. I spent the rest of the evening trying to convenience my little beauty to allow me to put her down. She would last for a while before she woke up and realized she wasn't been held any longer and screamed in protest."

I wanted to laugh at my brother's plight, but knew he would probably kill me. "It isn't that funny, Edward. She is an insistent little creature and has always known what she wanted," he all but whined. Jasper was a charlatan in that moment. He loved her no matter how insistent she could be. "Anyways, I called Esme last night and asked her to watch my little Cheye beauty. Bella needed time to sleep. Of course Esme agreed, but not more than ten minutes later I get a call from 'papa Carlisle' asking why I hadn't called him to watch her,"

I laughed at Carlisle's behavior and Jasper's sarcasm regarding his behavior. "I told him to get a grip on his jealously and the esteemed doctor had to work today. He sheepishly told me he forgot, and yelled at me about the next time I needed some help in the middle of the night to call. He didn't want his little love to cry. It's his fault along with the rest of the family that she even cried at all. No one can put her down, and yes that includes me," he finished as I gave him a look that said he was guilty of the same crime.

"How did you know that Bella was going to be here?" I asked and should have known. I found myself slipping back into a melancholy state. I sat down next to my fatigued brother and listened as he answered me, "It was like I could feel her calling out to me, Edward. After I returned home and saw that her car was gone, I knew she had come to collect our little one. On the way here I started to feel this apprehension that wasn't coming from me and knew something was wrong. The rest you already know," his voice was sad.

"You scared me today, Edward," he whispered through his fears and I knew he meant Bella. I had no answers for him. Bella's blood had called to me and with that something that I always try to keep hidden had come out to feed on the euphoria that was Bella's blood. I pulled myself from those grievous thoughts and focused on my hands that had taken other lives.

"I know," I answered in my broken voice. It wasn't to garnish sympathy or condolences. It was simply the way I felt.

"I almost lost Bella not too long ago, and I still carry that fear with me. I don't think it will ever leave me. It's not easy being faced with something like her mortality, but when her heart stopped, I also stopped existing. She and my Cheye beauty are my life, Edward. I protect them with everything I am, nothing barred, even my existence," with his words I saw again his experience with Shelly, and the inconsolable grief he had felt in regards to taking her life.

"Is that the reason I was besieged with memories of your Shelly?" I asked hesitantly. I didn't want him to continue to relive the pain, but I needed to know. He looked to me with a sad smile on his pained face.

"Yes, Edward," he spoke softly. "The first reason you saw those imagines so clearly was I could feel your hunger for my angel," he spoke in a voice as broken as my own. His love for Bella was never far from his thoughts or actions. "I felt your desire, and therefore remembered my own desire and call for her blood. I don't think one could ever put into words what it feels like to have that kind of temptation. I cannot even think of anything that would equate to such a pull. My love for Bella and my little beauty are the only things that probably call to me even more. I was lost to my darkness, Edward, unlike you. I sunk my teeth into her broken neck and torn her skin from her bones as if it were a thin sheet of paper. It still sickens me to think about such an atrocious act. I've made my peace with her death over the years, but the regret will never leave me."

I had no words to give him, so I asked him something else.

"What is the second reason, Jasper? You alluded to there being more than one."

"You became distracted by the pictures I pushed at you, Edward." I looked at him in confusion and he explained in his understanding voice. "I would do anything for Bella. My love for her knows absolute no bounds. There are possibly a few things I would never do, but besides that, I cannot think of anything."

I wondered as to what those things were, but he blocked those thoughts from me and gave me a sad smile. "They are too tragic to even consider, brother. Anyway, once I saw you became distracted by my own experience I pushed it to you with my whole being. I only needed a moment to stop you from trying to get to Bella. I hated to use Shelly's death and memory in such a way, but I had to stop you, Edward."

I saw the toll these memories had taken on my brother and I sat in awe that he would use something so devastating for him in saving his angel. But then again, I shouldn't have been that surprised. I never loved someone in that manner before, and wondered if I would ever feel those depths of love. Killing Shelly had been one of the most painful memories of my brother's long existence, but it all paled in comparison to his love.

"I understand, Jasper, and I hold no ill will towards you. If anything I am in your debt. I never want to experience something like you did. I know that is callous of me to say such a thing, but I'm honest when I tell you that, Jasper. I don't think I have your strength to overcome something of that nature. I already suffer from what I am, but if I had taken her life, I'm not sure what would have become of me, and that would have been without your added assistance. I cannot repeat the mistakes of my past."

My brother shook his head as if he were exasperated with my often spoken words. "You underestimate yourself, Edward. You were able to pull back as you thought of Cheyenne, something so pure and innocent. You didn't use her at all, brother, but allowed her to assist you." I gave him a disbelieving look but he continued. "I thought of Bella that night, Edward. I tried to focus on her goodness, and her untainted piece of my soul, but it didn't work. I was still overcome. It is shame I feel when I linger too much on this thought, but the reason I tell you this is so you can realize what you actually accomplished here today. You were strong enough and able to prevail where I wasn't. So don't think you used Cheyenne in a negative way. When you feel that monster trying to bring you into darkness, you remember her Edward, and cling to that little beauty," he finished his impassioned speech.

I respected Jasper all the more in that moment. He was a beacon of strength I had never really noticed.

"You may have taken her life, Jasper, but you eventually picked yourself up again, and chose to live. You may struggle with your actions, but you have learned to accept who you are. I know I have superb control and will be exercising it in the future, but that is different than strength. I don't know how I would have dealt with what you have lived through Jasper." He gave my shoulder a squeeze.

"I don't have that particular answer, Edward, but I would like to believe you would have also embraced your challenges and learned to live with what fate gives you. She is a bitch, make no mistake about that, brother, but I still believe you would rise to the challenge. I know you struggle with what you are, Edward. But, there will come a time you'll have to face your situation, and learn to accept. It's never easy, but always worth it. Learn to live with being a vampire, and learn to accept that you have a soul. I promise you with all that I am, you have one, Edward. Embrace your soul that has been in the shadows, being neglected, and let it come back."

I was a little embarrassed at his emotions on my behalf, but knew he spoke these words because he loved me, even when I had tried to kill his love. "You didn't try to kill her, Edward. I know it wasn't you. I really believe that there is a singer out there for all of us, and it's truly unfortunate when we come across him or her. I know you have what it takes to resist Bella, Edward."

I nodded my head at his love and understanding. I don't think I would have had the same grace he did. But then again, he had come across his singer and knew what it truly felt like. The only other person I knew whom had faced that temptation was Emmett, and he had also fallen to the call. These thoughts didn't assuage my guilt, but they did put it into some perspective. "Are you a mind reader, Jasper?" I asked in all seriousness. I wondered how he knew what I had been contemplating.

"That is your talent, and yours alone, Edward. I don't think I could ever live with such a gift. If I had to live with the imagines of Emmett and Rose, I wouldn't be here talking in the dead flesh." We both shuddered at past experiences. At the thought of reading minds, something else came to me I hadn't even realized. It was almost beyond comprehension, and something I had never experienced.

"You want to know something else, Jasper, something I just realized?" I asked a little breathlessly. His face turned into one of curiosity as he felt my wonder in what just had been discovered. "I couldn't hear or see what Bella was thinking . . . her mind is blank and silent to me."

Jasper and I just sat in silence as we contemplated about this new development and what it could possibly mean. Perhaps my power wasn't as infallible as I always believed it to be.

* * *

Author's Notes Continued: Some of you may have been expecting Jasper to rip Edward apart for his behavior towards Bella, but I just couldn't do that or even justify such an action. It would be hypocritical of Jasper to even maim Edward for making an attempt at killing his singer. Yes Jasper loves Bella more than anything and would do anything to protect her, but he can't do that to Edward. Shelly was also someone else's daughter, and possible love. Jasper didn't know that at the time he had taken her life. He just fell to the monster that lusted after her lavish blood.

I hope this chapter was something you haven't really read before and thought different. I also hoped you liked even if you didn't get the reaction you may have been expecting. I loved writing this chapter and all the words just flowed naturally as my fingers danced over my keyboard.

I hope all is well with everyone, and please forgive the terribly long author's notes. Thanks to all who read, add me to their favorites and alerts, and thanks to all those who review. You truly make my week! Much love as always. =)

_Posted: 22 January 2011_


	10. Chapter X

Disclaimer: SM and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Chapter Ten**

"_When something an affliction happens to you, you either let it defeat you, or you defeat it."_

_- Jean Jacques Rousseau_

22 December – Thursday – Edward's POV

Three days had passed since I had tried to drain the girl. Three days had passed since I experienced one of my darkest moments. Even the past lives I had taken willingly couldn't compare to the amount of anguish I felt in trying to end her life. My family couldn't seem to understand my plight and the severity of my actions.

As I sat and listened to my family's line of reasoning's, it felt like I was privy to some intervention that had no purpose. The _Bella tragedy_ had been adverted (as I thought of it), yet here my family argued, tying to get me to go against my will. It wasn't their fault that I had my problems with trying to drain Bella dry, but they insisted on me trying to see her again. How could they even make such a proposition?

"Edward, could you please try?" Esme all but begged him, her voice pulling at the heartstrings. "I want my family to be together for Christmas Day. I understand Alice's reluctance in wanting to be here, and I understand if you accompany her to the Denali's, but I would truly appreciate if you made the effort to be here. It's much to ask, and I know the outcome of your last meeting, but there will come a time you have to face her again." I didn't want to hear that rational line of knowledge.

"You have the strongest will among us, and that includes your father," she continued, "I know you can sustain from trying to drain her." Esme seemed to be losing steam, the more she spoke. I wondered if her reluctance in continuing had anything to do with her truly realizing the obstacle I faced with coming into contact with my singer, the human's blood that all but called to me aloud.

I looked at the woman who was my mother in so many ways. We had been through much together and she seemed to understand me more than anyone (excluding Carlisle). She had felt my pain and saw the depths of regret in my eyes. By her asking this request of me made it all the harder. She lamented with me, and yet asked for the near impossible. I couldn't say she didn't understand me and had no idea what I was suffering. She may not have come across the call of her singer's blood, but she had a mother's intuition and therefore suffered with all her children. That kind of magic was shared with all mothers.

"Esme," my voice weary, "you ask for the impossible. How could I even think to submit Bella to my presence again?" I gave her a serious, yet apologetic look in not wanting to abide her request. In return she gave me a sad smile, as if she knew what I was trying to convey without words.

"I know I ask a lot, son, but you are capable of so much more then you ever give yourself credit. Could you at least give you some credit in stopping yourself?" I scoffed at her question. I may have stopped as she said, but I hadn't been far from ripping into the girl's thin neck and taking what I selfishly craved.

"Please, Esme, what world do you live in? Are you that naïve enough to believe I controlled myself from the girl?" I laughed at her blind-sidedness.

"There's no need to be rude or sarcastic, Edward. Esme means well," chastised Carlisle, his voice gentle, but firm in his reprimand. "And her name is Isabella, not '_the girl'_." I immediately became repentant.

He was correct in his observations about my behavior. I had no cause to be rude to my mother. I looked over and became distracted by Emmett's snickers. I couldn't believe he was acting so juvenile in a situation that had caused me the most hurt in decades. What else could I expect from someone who hardly took anything seriously, except not being able to participate in sexual congress with his wife?

"Now isn't the time for your immature side effects, Emmett. Please try and act as a supporting member of the family, and if that task is too difficult for you to perform, your more than welcomed to leave."

I tried to hide the smirk from my lips at him getting into trouble. I was grateful that he was pouting at Carlisle and not looking in my direction. Jasper just winked at me, not saying anything, but being able to feel my emotions of mirth.

"Sorry," mumbled Emmett. He looked in my direction and gave me what he thought was some sort of evil eye. The time I was afraid of him had long passed. I just gave him a bored blink of my eyes that had him becoming even more incensed.

"Emmett!" Carlisle all but yelled, causing Emmett to jump. The rest of us tried to hide our laughter behind our hands, including his wife. It never failed that he brought some humor into a tense situation. "Choose – are you going to participate like a contributing member of our family or act like an infant that needs to be constantly watched, like the little love?" I became serious immediately at the mention of the little child. The reference to her seemed to cause me to do so. It was unexplainable, but there, nonetheless.

"You give him too much credit, Carlisle, even Cheye doesn't need to be constantly attended to like my husband," jested Rosalie. Emmett turned his pouting face towards her. She rolled her eyes before placing a little kiss to his cheek. I'm sure it was better than the usual slap that accompanied such an aggravation.

"I choose to act like an adult that has been taught better by Esme then to act in such a childish and impudent manner," he spoke in a refined tone with his nose in the air. We all gaped at him after his statement. It was rare that he spoke with such elegance that it always left one speechless. He chided me for speaking in an intelligent style, but yet saw no wrong when he did. Emmett smirked at our opened-mouth response to him.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and once again became content, if one thought about _how many positions his wife would allow him to try tonight_, content. I tried not to shudder as I quickly banished his grotesque images from my mind. Emmett was almost too predictable. One didn't need Alice's gift to understand his choices.

"Edward," Carlisle called, bring his attention back to me, now that Emmett had been settled and paid attention to, "Your mother only wants for her family to be together. You cannot fault her for wanting something that most families do during that time of the year. Again, there is also no need for such impertinent comments." I gave him another repented look before turning to face Esme.

"I can understand your desires, Esme, but I'm not sure if I can resist the smell of the blood once again. How could you ask me to even put our family and Bella in that precarious situation again? I had thought you loved Bella as a daughter?"

Carlisle went to reprimand me once again for being short in my questions with his mate, but she cut him off. His thoughts were steaming with his anger. I had to throw his mental assault from my psyche because I couldn't stand the disappointment.

"I have an immense love for Bella, Edward. She is very dear to my heart. You only need to ask Jasper of my sincerity." Before I could look at him, she continued to speak, "Never doubt my affections for her again. I will allow you this one concession, but I won't stand for such assumptions again. I hope I make myself more than clear on the topic." I was once again put in to my place effectively with her short, but impactful words.

_That doubt truly hurt, my son. I wouldn't think you thought so little of me or my actions towards Cheyenne's mother_, she added silently. She made sure to add the little child's name. She must have realized how the little child affected me. I just nodded and looked away from her wet eyes.

"As for your earlier question, there is a plan we thought of with Jasper." I once again went to look at him, but she called my attention back to her. "Firstly, you are more than capable, my son. Don't doubt my words in regard to you. I don't know of any occasion where I have lied to you, Edward, even if it were to spare your feelings. I may have sugar-coated some things, but when it comes to Bella's life, I would never willingly put my daughter into harm's way."

Venom started to sting my own eyes as I took in her words. I should have recognized Esme's devotion to Jasper's love and daughter.

"Secondly, I wouldn't even bring up such a topic if we hadn't discussed it while you hunted. I would never be presumptive enough to bring up something as vital as you being around Bella without both of their express permission. Stop thinking so little of me, Edward," what could I say in response to her accusations?

"Thirdly, as I iterated before, there is a plan. If you think have failed in it, then my whole idea is scraped. If you think you are able to sustain, then we would proceed with the utmost caution. You and Jasper will go about what is planned." I tried to reach out to Jasper's thoughts but found they were closed for my perusal.

I reached out to Esme and could read what they had in mind. I wanted to run for the nearest mountain, but knew that wasn't a possibility. Venom filled my mouth just thinking about her captivating smell and being surrounded by such glory. Then I became blind-sided; the strongest regret and grief I had ever felt filled me. I had to bend over with the pressure of it.

"Edward!" Esme yelled, trying to make her way over to my side. I painstakingly held my hand up to hold her off. I figured out what was happening and was thankful. She had to let me experience on my own.

"Let him alone, dear," Carlisle consoled his wife, knowing what I needed.

_Remember that thought, son._

Jasper increased the pressure and I had to gasp from the pain. My insides felt as if they were in some super-strength hold. I wanted to retch from the amount of pain that racked through my dead body. He was reliving his past mistakes and giving me the lessons he had learned from killing his singer. It was one of the things he regretted the most. The pain was almost incomparable to anything he had experienced, except for losing Bella. My hands fisted at my sides. The sounds of my deep inhales and fabric ripping filled the air along with my struggle for breath. This was something I would have liked to traverse in privacy and not with my family watching on, but beggars couldn't be choosers.

"Enough," I gasped. Jasper lessened his emotional prison over me. My body ached from the force of his past mistakes. Those were things I never wanted to live. I had my shame in almost killing Bella, but it couldn't compare to his compunction.

"As I was s-saying," Esme started after I had time to regain some composure.

Her voice was shaky from what she had just witnessed. It was never easy for her to see one of her children in pain. Esme's thoughts told me as much while she continued to speak aloud. I looked over to my surrogate mother and read the tears in her eyes.

_I hurt for you, but also for Bella, Jasper . . . and Cheyenne._ _I hurt for your doubt in me._ Esme's concern knew no bounds. I wanted to take her into my shaking arms and reassure her, but that would have only made her more upset.

"It's time you looked at your brother, Edward. Since you doubt me so much, look at Jasper and allow him to tell you what I have said is true." I gave Esme another sad look, but she was firm in her stance and thoughts, even though she wanted to embrace her son.

_Please, son. It's all I can ask of you_.

I gave her one nod before I turned my attention to Jasper, the one who had relived his own pain for his love and also for his love of me. Those were thoughts he no longer hid from me. He had had a tight reign over his thoughts while we were meeting, but he now allowed them to flow freely. I was instantly swept up in his mental images. They were too strong for me to repel.

I watched in Jasper's memory of what had happened after I had attacked his love. I felt terrible for invading such a personal memory, but I wanted to know the extent of damage I caused. Would she ever feel safe around me?

_Jasper watched Bella on their bed as her body shook with her grief. Jasper could feel her emotions so intensely and intricately, it added another fracture to his already cracked heart, seeing her in such a disarrayed state. _

It was because of my careless actions that they even had to live such an event.

_Jasper raised his head up to the ceiling and blew out a breath, trying to dislodge some of her emotions that had bombarded him. He wanted to give her comfort, but knew he would have a difficult time while trying to fight her grief._

_Jasper, in finally feeling up for the challenge of comforting his love, walked over to their bed and gently lowered himself onto it. Bella moved over a little, as if she knew he would always come. She didn't take her head from the pillow that captured her fallen tears, but moved her body over closer to Jasper, sharing her warmth. She still lay on her stomach, but her shuddering had lessened at Jasper's nearness. He could feel her slight ease in him being okay and unharmed. He could also feel her love radiate out to him, combined with her contrition. _

That was an emotion both he and I didn't understand_. _

"_I'm sorry for whatever I may have done to upset your brother, Jazz. I truly meant no harm towards Edward and cannot imagine what I must have done to upset him," she answered his unspoken thoughts._

I was flabbergasted by her words. How could she have found any culpability within herself? She had simply knocked on a door, and I had attacked her because the song of her blood was something that still made my mouth overflow with venom and wanted to send me into a frenzy. It had been the most delicious thing I had ever smelt. I knew one drop of that luscious blood would send me over the edge, at least until I built up some sort of resistance. My family protested that I had the most amount of control in the clan, but I had to respectfully disagree, Jasper's rivaled my restraint any day.

"_Shh, angel," he said in his most soothing voice, stroking his love's hair with tender touches. _

Jasper's love for her almost had me drowning just in his memory.

"_It's no one's fault. It is just the nature of my species." Bella raised her head and gave Jasper an understanding look. Her eyes were red and swollen from her crying jag. She could see the hurt and worry in his eyes._

_Jasper only wanted to keep her safe and she found out just how dangerous a human could be in our world. But even with those thoughts running in his mind, one look at Bella chased everything away. He simply couldn't live without her. He would just have to live with the danger and protect her with his life. He was too much of a selfish creature and that thought saddened him even more: his needs over her own._

"_Do you remember when I told you about Shelly, what I had done to her?" he asked in a broken voice._

_Bella finally raised herself off the bed and took Jasper in her arms. Her emotions were all over the place, but the majority of what she felt was compassion for Jasper's past sins. It was now her turn to give the comfort to her love._

"_I remember, baby," she said into his left ear. His head was now resting on her shoulder while her small fingers ran through his hair. It looked like a routine they had participated in regularity. "Her blood was like an aphrodisiac to you, and no matter how much you wanted to resist, you couldn't stop yourself from taking her blood and eventually taking her life," she finished on a whisper, then proceeded to kiss his forehead. _

I was amazed that Jasper had confided so much of his past in her. I wondered why he didn't want to protect her from the ugliness and gruesomeness of our nature. He had been more candid with her than I imagined. This is where Jasper and I once again differed. I would have spared her such details, not wanting my love to know the true nature of my life. She would only scare away, but it seemed as if I may have been wrong about Bella.

_Jasper looked up into his love's features and gave her a sad half-smile. His face sang with his pain and past transgressions. "Yes, angel, I hadn't been able to stop myself from taking her life. The reason I even bring this up is because that is what happened this morning."_

_Understanding and comprehension came over Bella's visage. A tear leaked from the corner of her right puffy eye. _

"_I'm sorry for causing such trouble within your family, Jasper," she apologized and he wiped the tear from her flushed skin. "If I cause such problems within your family, I don't know how we can stay together. I never want Esme and Carlisle to feel as if they have to choose between their first son and me. It's not fair, Jasper. I could never ask them to make such a sacrifice. Edward has also suffered enough and shouldn't have to be tempted because I'm around." _

"_So very caring, angel," he murmured on her cheek. "Is it any wonder why I'm so very much in love with you," she turned pink at his words, trying to hide her reaction from him, but he wouldn't allow it. _

_Jasper gently grabbed her chin and raised his lips to meet hers from off her shoulder. Their mouths embraced in that old dance which always expressed a couples love and devotion. After a while of becoming reacquainted with the other's taste, they broke apart and touched their foreheads together. _

"_You are my life, Isabella, and I could no sooner live without you and Cheyenne then I could live off human food. Those equations just don't compute." _

_She tried to argue, but he didn't allow her to speak. He brought his lips to hers again for a light kiss. "No, angel! I need you, as does my family. We are yours and Cheyenne's. Something will be worked out."_

_She gave him a disbelieving look that caused him to laugh. "Jasper, perhaps you did hurt yourself," she jested with him. His happiness made her happy; it was as simple as that. Bella turned serious once more and asked a question that seemed to linger in her silent mind._

"_Where was everyone, Jasper?" He gave her a searching look, understanding what she meant. He exhaled slowly as if trying to erase their pain and the terrible events of the day. _

"_They were on their way here with Cheye; you both must have passed the other while not noticing. Emmett and I were hunting and on our way back," he stopped his speech and brought his love further into his arms. "I'm sorry, angel. I never meant to put you in any harm. I only love you so very desperately." She leaned into him while stroking his hair. Her lips met every inch of his face. _

"_It's wasn't your fault," she said after a time of worshipping his flawed skin. "I should have taken more precaution, or even called. I'm just sorry that Edward had to suffer because of my mistakes. It isn't fair that he has to suffer because of my carelessness." _

"_Trust me, Bella, when I say we will work something out. Edward has the most amount of self-discipline when it comes to our family. He may not believe it, but it's true nonetheless. I know he can restrict himself from taking your blood. Edward is astounding when he wants to be. There is nothing he cannot accomplish when he puts his mind and will into the decision. I hope that once he becomes accustomed to your smell, he will become desensitized. Edward has the capability and the mental capacity to accomplish this, angel, just you watch." Bella leaned forward and trying not to remove her forehead from his, once again sealed her love with her lips. _

"_I always trust you, baby," she murmured against his mouth that were occupied with her own. The situation quickly changed from one of heartbreak and sadness to a physical expression of their vast adulation. _

I pulled out of his thoughts quickly, not wanting to see anymore of their private time together. I had trespassed enough already.

"Are you finished snooping in my thoughts, brother?" asked Jasper in a jesting voice. Of course he could feel my response to his own memories, and I had been remiss in thinking he couldn't. I was usually more intelligent in these situations, and tried to have better control.

"I didn't mean any disrespect, Jasper. I just wanted to make more than certain both you and Bella were actually comfortable with my being here. Please forgive the intrusion on your last thought," I said sincerely, while looking him in the eye directly. He studied me for a moment before I could hear his mind concede.

_I know, Edward, and it's understandable_.

"Now that you have evidence for yourself, are you going to submit to Esme or have her looking sad all the day long?" I truly tried not to scoff at his ridiculous statement. It was an unbecoming reaction. Threatening me with Esme had been unfair. She had each of us wrapped securely around her fingers, at least the males in the family.

"So Bella knows about my past?" I asked out of curiosity. I wasn't angry at Jasper, more relived. I didn't have to tell Bella about my actions and rebellion from long ago and also didn't have to relive those memories, at least around others. In my solitude was another matter.

"I've told her the foundation, but Carlisle is the one to have told her the intimate details. I wasn't there to live that history with the family, and Carlisle wanted her to understand each of our roles within the Cullen's. He loves you so much, Edward. You were his first." I knew I had a special placed within Carlisle's heart; we had been together for some time before he had even attempted to change Esme. We were companions and still held that immense bond for the other.

Carlisle looked over at me, giving an understanding look. He didn't want to upset me with telling something so personal to Bella, but he also didn't want her in the dark about past lives. We each had a role, as Jasper had said, and I played mine. I next looked over to Esme and knew it had made a mistake.

Who could ever resist Esme when she looked so docile and saddened? Her tactics were unfair, and her thoughts said as much. I was still the sucker because I felt myself giving in even while I read her mind; _he can never resist his mother; just a little more meekness in the eyes and he's finished. And Jasper thinks he came up with the notion of puppy eyes. I could teach him a thing or two._

Esme was such a dangerous creature. I had heard that all Jasper had to do was give Bella those eyes and she was finished, I guess Bella and I had more in common than the need for her blood.

I had tried to reason with my family, but their reluctance to see things my way had failed. There was nothing left to do but concede. "I'll try, Esme, but that's all I can promise." Her venom continued to fill her eyes before she rushed out of her husband's arms and into my mine. I had not expected her reaction, but quickly prepared when she rushed to me.

I thanked vampire speed and my ability to read her unstable thoughts. They were all over the board and filled with everything from Christmas trees to looking at the little child in a new hat Esme had purchased for her.

"Thank you, son," she gushed into my neck. Her face was hidden in my throat, and her words were mumbled.

Now I had to contend with the battle that would define me and all that I had worked for. Could I restrain from Bella's smell or would I be a constant failure in all that I did. My resistance had never had such a challenge. Only time would know the outcome.

My family continued their ramblings around me as I thought about what awaited me. Jasper caught my eye; I could read the understanding and empathy in each tear that filled his dark amber ones. I knew this battle wasn't just about me, but my family and the trust they put in me. Jasper was giving the most, especially in regards to his love for Bella and his daughter. In the melee of our family commotion he spoke to me through my gift.

_I cannot live without her, Edward. But I also need you and the family in my life, _his thoughts read. He would give me the chance to redeem myself, because he wasn't given that opportunity in regards to his singer, but even he had his limits. He wouldn't hesitate to leave for Bella's safety. Nothing was placed above her.

I read his mind and choice loud and clear.

* * *

Author's Notes Continued: So another chapter has passed. I hope some of your questions may have been answered. Sorry if it felt like a filler, but there was some vital information. I don't know about you, but the emotions were on the heavy side and I felt for Edward in his willingness in not wanting to give into his family. We all have to make sacrifices for those we love and he realizes that. :/

I also thought the quote very fitting at the beginning. The question is what Edward will do. I think that is it for now. Thanks for all of those who continue to read, add me to your alerts/favorites, and review. Everything is appreciated and makes me smile. Much love as always! =)

Special shout out to all who reviewed: Calliso, SAVAGEGRACEx, Sapphirepa, acw1, slc6548, mssmith, Cullen Cousin, KareBear1965, aggy73, missdaisy2, letsjustdance, texbratt67, katandjasper

_Posted: 30 January 2011_


	11. Chapter XI

Disclaimer: SM and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's Notes: Hello darlings and I hope you enjoy. Picture on the Author's Page. It's the unveiling of little Cheyenne. It will make sense why I chose this moment to post the picture, the further down you read. If there is still any confusion about what I mean, after you read the chapter, just ask and I'll explain the part. Much love as always!

**Chapter Eleven**

_You don't drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there._

_- Edwin Louis Cole _

23 December – Friday – Edward's POV

Time never had any relevance to me. My life wasn't lived by any timetable, except by my past mistakes and sins that I relived to pay proper contrition. Time was something that I allowed to pass around me without recognition. Days were something that was a culmination of my bleakness and timeless existence. However, that notion seemed to be tested as I stepped into Jasper's family's house for the first time. Venom scorched my throat and mouth as it flooded in without permission.

"Breathe it out, Edward," my brother's voice buzzed in my ears. I knew I didn't have a heartbeat, but there seemed to be some kind of pounding in my ears. I wondered if it was the poison that raced in my veins and waited to infect the nearest victim. My body involuntarily hit the ground as my throat chocked on the amount of venom that continued to overflow from everywhere. Drops spilled over my lips and burned the skin as it passed over.

I could feel Jasper's hands on my shoulders as he held me in place. My body started to convulse with the need I felt in sinking my teeth into such supple flesh and tasting the ultimate divine. "Come on, brother," my now physical conscious pleaded, "relax the back of your throat. Don't try and fight your natural instinct to swallow; it will only clough the venom." I tried to heed his words, but found myself still fighting. I wanted to close my passage and not allow my poison to enter, but the more I forced my will, the more I chocked. My neck felt raw from both the constant hacking and the toxin.

Before I could react, Jasper had me laid on my back in the entrance of his house and was sitting beside me. His hand found its way to my throat and started to message the cold skin that lay between the two tendons. My hands were pinned behind my back and the pressure from my body and Jasper's stopped me from being able to protest.

"Swallow!" yelled Jasper in my face. Current after current of calm and love fell over me, filled me with its ease. The feelings were so fierce that I had no option but to relent to their command. I could feel the fiend within me fighting, wanting to become lose, but Jasper's will was even stronger. I could imagine his love for Bella was even more resilient than his will, and thus caused him to overpower anything that meant her harm.

My breathing all but stopped as I finally swallowed. The ache was still intense, and smoldered as it went down my battered throat. Slowly, but surely, my body started to become less rigid. My fingers that had been curled into my skin, in an iron grip, were loosened and relinquished my torn flesh. My legs that tried to fight Jasper's help came to a stop and fell listlessly, but still unbending on the wooden floor.

After ten minutes of waiting for me to relax somewhat, Jasper's iron hold became less painful and demanding. I knew he was only containing me for my benefit. His love and calmness still floated over me and into my dead, ripped skin. Jasper's breaths seemed labored and his thoughts of Bella becoming hurt, or me having to live his burden bombarded me constantly. He kept reminding himself that this had been the plan and had the Cullen's stamp of approval. I needed to become desensitized to her smell and this had been the most effective way. Even my brother's willingness to participate, showed how much he had changed over the years. But even in his fast pace thoughts, one stood out the most: _I hate controlling him in such a manner, but know it was more than needed. Damn that bitch, Maria_.

I guess we all still had our demons to deal with. Some things touched our lives and no matter how much we worked out the problem, didn't mean it would relinquish its hold. One just had to deal with the new barrage of onslaught emotions.

"I need you to breathe again, Edward. It's the only way to become accustomed to her smell." I shook my head and refused to even inhale once. I didn't want to live through this pain. I didn't want to hear the rush of venom in my ears as the monster within me all but purred to feast on such a bounteous desire that wasn't even physically present; her smell was enough to send me over the edge. Couldn't my brother understand my will in not wanting to experience that pain?

My question wasn't even spoken aloud, but through his gift, Jasper could ascertain what I thought. He increased his love for me, but mixed it with his understanding. _You are stronger than you allow yourself to believe, brother. Why do I have any reason to tell such a lie?_

I finally let the tears come to my eyes because the burn to them was too much to bear any longer; I rejoiced at having my venom respond to something different. His face became a multitude of colors, which only our sight could see, as his visage swam before me. Jasper's thoughts pushed into my mind again.

_I would miss our family more than you could ever realize, brother, but it would hurt even more than not having my angel. The pain you feel is but a mite of what I'd feel without her._

He then proceeded to push the love he felt for her to me, and my body became racked with the pain. The amount was so much to bear and yet he lived with it all the time. My understanding of Jasper's gift only increased as I finally yelled out my pain, "Please, it hurt's Jasper," I begged. Out of breath, I did the only thing I could and sharply inhaled. I regretted the action immediately, but realized that had also been his intention.

Fire, of an unimaginable amount, shot through my core, through my useless stomach, through my already burnt trachea, and into my mouth. I was astonished that flames didn't come from between my over parched lips. Tiny shots of misery seemed to pierce my impenetrable skin. Hell could be no worse than what I felt. Jasper's fingers massaged my neck again, trying to sooth the muscles that fought with my will to keep the venom away. After a few minutes of a deep pain torture, my brother's efforts of getting me to swallow paid off and I was able to swallow the toxin that continued to burn the inside of my mouth and lips from where it had dribbled out.

"I'm sorry you have to suffer, Edward," my brother pleaded, tears in his own eyes. His voice sounded almost as raw as mine felt. He wiped the excess of venom that poured out of my mouth with his shirt sleeve. I heard him wince as my venom burned his skin where it ate away the material. "Please forgive me," he whispered brokenly, as he continued to mop my face where it had already been cleaned. I opened my tired eyes again and looked into his watered ones. We could read the pain we both felt and the sorrow of what we had to do. He loved Bella without fail and I loved our family. He couldn't exist without her and I couldn't live without them. With my family now came my singer, and that left little decision to me. It was quite the predicament and ironic impasse.

I tried to convey with my emotions what I wanted Jasper to know. I had no ill will towards him and his need of Bella. I wanted him to know that I also loved him, even though I hardly told him. I wanted him to know all that I was thinking, but I couldn't take the chance of speaking out.

Before Jasper spoke again, I could see the repentance in his dark shiny orbs; _forgive me_.

"I need you to breathe again, brother," he spoke in a broken whisper. I wanted to do as he bade, but just couldn't comply. I couldn't live that pain; how could I live such a pain. I was a coward and my emotions told him as much. "You're not feeble, Edward," he said in an exasperated voice. "Why won't you believe my words? I have no reason to tell such lies." It had nothing to do with me not believing his words, and more with my unwillingness to want to experience the call of a damn singer.

I tried to push all the faith I had in him, wanting him to know it had nothing to do with his doubts, but with my weakness. He sighed, but nodded his head. "There is only so much I can take also, Edward, but when it comes to the ones we love, no sacrifice is too great. Please, inhale."

I sent my apology to him because I couldn't do as he asked. I understood his words, but I couldn't let them penetrate me. Jasper growled a little at my unwillingness to cooperate. I could read the determination on his face. He wasn't going to give up until I breathed again. His love for Bella caused him to fight all the more for me. Her love tended to do amazing things to him.

And there we sat at a stalemate. His stubbornness was tested for over two hours as he sat by me, and I continued to lie on the ground. I had refused to inhale and he had refused to move. _It was unfortunate we could go long periods of time without having to move._ His thought caused me to chuckle.

The burn within me was still hot, but the longer I abstained from breathing the more I could stand to be in an enclosed space that was polluted with her smell.

I turned my face up as I finally felt him shift. His face told me that he would win before I even felt anything.

Again his eyes read his regret as he closed his eyes and refused to look at me.

"I'm sorry, Edward, truly, but I love you too much to watch you fail!" I started to panic at his apology. Jasper had been a soldier in the wars for so long that he could endure so much more than I could even fathom. I feared his past and the things it had taught him. His face became set and I knew there was no turning back. He had given me the opportunity to do things on my own, but had become fed-up.

"Breathe, Edward," he commanded, but I once again couldn't comply. I feared what he could do, but I feared the demon inside and the call of my singer's blood even more. "Let yourself become accustomed with her scent." Still I did nothing, but withheld from drawing in her scent.

And then I felt the first wave of pain hit me. It wasn't Bella's love of Jasper that caused such intense pain, but the memory of his want for his singer's blood. The next swell hit me as Jasper remembered Shelley's red liquid as it traveled down his throat and alleviated his ache. It was utter and complete ecstasy. Nothing had ever come close to such nirvana, but Bella and Cheyenne's love. I could have barely fought the memory Jasper foisted on me, but I couldn't fight the longing and desire that accompanied it.

"BREATHE, Edward!" he screamed into my face as the he dealt with both of our pains. "Fucking breathe, brother!" He continued to push everything he had at me, and my body continued to fight and buck with its revolution. Jasper held firm. His knees were pressed into my sides, pinning my arms. His chest was pressed into mine as my hands pressed further into the floor.

"I can't take anymore, Jasper," I screeched. "Damn it, Jasper, let me alone." Venom-tears poured into my eyes and I knew the worst had happened. I had run out of breath, and couldn't sustain my speech the next time I went to speak. His plan had worked and my next intake of air was inevitable. I cried for what was about to happen the wretched amount of pain I would feel combined with what my brother fed to me.

Jasper could see within his mind's eyes, the joy his monster had felt in hearing the bones breaking inside Shelley's fragile neck, the way it had then hung limp to the side, giving way to his sharp teeth. It had crooned at the thought of such devotion it would pay to its piper. Thick and copious amounts of blood flowed so freely as teeth harshly and without abandon tore into the skin that gave way like melted butter. The flesh could be felt as it peeled back and curled around incisive teeth.

_Mmm, such utter rapture_.

"No more," I supplicated, only to realize that I had taken in air. His memory was too much and the pull of both our singers was too much. I had needed to breathe in that scent and let it fill my entire body. It was now my singular reason for being. I started to thrash even more from Jasper. I didn't want him holding me any longer. I needed to be free and sink my own teeth into such delight. I allowed my mind to become frenzy as thoughts of nothing but red filled it. I had lost control.

"Breathe it in, Edward," someone commanded from above me. Such commands were needless. My monster was in full control and made every effort to fulfill those instructions. "Allow it fill every pore, every taste bud. Let the burn make you feel alive. Become accustomed to the smell, brother," with each sentence someone spoke, the more I inhaled. I was in heaven, leaving hell far behind, and the constant heaves of my body brought that smell closer and closer.

Minute upon minute passed by, and more and more venom was produced. The burn my throat felt was crude and the scorch my lips felt as it spilled out in large amounts were tender. The pain no longer brother me, as the fiend within only craved and shouted for the blood.

No matter how much I fought something continued to keep me in a vice like grip. Their strength seemed unprecedented, and I couldn't understand why the monster within wasn't stronger than the thing that kept me pinned to the ground. It was so unfulfilling, but the smell was still gratifying; that scent would always be gratifying. "Let me the fuck up!" the monster demanded in a tone that broke no argument, and yet its directions were ignored. "Let me up, let me tear the neck, let me brake the frail, worthless human. Let me drink the blood!" it demanded over and over again.

"No, Edward. I need you to come back to me!" something weak pleaded. Could that person not understand the taste of such worthiness near?

"I love you, Edward. Esme loves you," something drab droned. "Come back, brother, I love you. Carlisle loves you so very much." I wanted to reply, _shut the hell up_, but could find that the longer I focused on the griping the further I was pulled from the manic thoughts of the call. I couldn't be taken from the call. "Please!" a familiar voice bemoaned. "Listen to my voice, feel my love, Edward."

I was being led further and further from my monster's goal and more into sanity. How could anything as mundane as sanity be such ecstasy? _Nothing could fill me with the pleasure that the scent allowed._ The voice continued to coax me and added with the powerful currents of love that flowed around and inside me, I could no longer sustain my monster. My rationality started to return and with that my identity. I wasn't a part of that fiend that wanted to feed on such an innocent human. Those thoughts of terror were singular to the wrongdoer within. It screamed, the monster screamed, trying to reclaim its hold. However, the embrace of my brother was too much, and his love for me was all but overwhelming. The monster screeched from such goodness and cowered into the shadows where it belonged.

I once again stopped breathing and my body became limp from the effort I had previously accreted. Once Jasper could tell that I was in full control, he pulled his own labored body from mine and sunk down to the floor and aligned his back with the wood. We both lay there; the only sounds heard were from the outside. Tears once again pooled into my eyes, as I laid there almost paralyzed. I couldn't inhale knowing what would happen, and I couldn't blink the tears from their container, no matter how much I tried. Some things were unceasing.

I had always known my nature and what I was able to accomplish, but my monster had opened up a whole new realm. These realities were even scarier than my rebellion. I had a choice in taking those lives, in doling out proper justice (at least in my previous and skewed estimation), but this gave me almost no choice. It was evident that with my brother's help, the monster inside could be controlled as I was uncontrollable, but as to how much I (Edward) contributed, was questionable.

"Doubt what you like, Edward, but you were able to pull away." I didn't have the energy to look over, but I allowed my feelings of doubt to increase tenfold. "I could only encourage you, Edward. I was giving you so much love and peace, but that didn't seem to help in the beginning. It wasn't until I started to give you that love aloud with words that you started to pull away. Nothing would have stopped me from taking Shelley's life, brother. Not even my love for Bella," his voice finally broke with that harsh truth. The person whom he loved more than anything wouldn't have been able to save him. That failure was probably more than he ever wanted to admit, yet alone had to live with.

I knew the truth had cost him something great, and he had offered it without haste. He gave me part of his dignity he could never reclaim. In admitting his weakness, he spoke his greatest fear: his love for Bella hadn't conquered everything.

I wanted to give him some reassurance, but couldn't. All I could send him was the sorrow my heart cried on his behalf. He grabbed my hand and gave it a tight squeeze. "I'm sorry, Edward. I hated to do those things to you, but something had to give way. One cannot progress if they refuse to move. One cannot remain stagnant and expect to overcome, life isn't that precarious."

There was a part of me that wanted to curse Jasper and his logic. It was the knowledge he had learned and attained, which caused me to feel this pain. Then there was the part of me that empathized with him. We both felt that call and he knew what was needed to overcome such a siren song. It was with great reluctance that I admitted it and was thankful he had so selflessly taken to helping me. I couldn't do this without my brother whom I had always pitied. I was now ashamed of those thoughts.

No matter how much Jasper sorrowed for me or hurt on my behalf, he never pitied me. He knew that I could overcome because his thoughts practically screamed such at me. He knew that nothing would be accomplished with pity, but with hard work and determination.

"Don't feel sorry about past emotions, brother," my clairvoyant brother spoke in a voice that resembled Carlisle in its likeness. "You were only feeling those things for me. We may not have been close, but I know you loved me." I squeezed his hand in return, letting him know that I had and still did.

Jasper held tightly to my hand as if he were trying to take more of my pain than he already had. I wanted to ask where he retained his strength, but refused to utter a word.

My selfishness knew no bounds.

* * *

"It's not until we are at our lowest that we learn the lessons we are meant, Edward." Jasper's voice broke the stillness of the moment. We had laid there for some time, only letting the noises from the outside disturb us. "It pains me to see you having to go through this. I love you, brother. But you have to fall in order to learn to stand; it's even part of our vampire nature. We are not immune to such life lessons," I took his words to my very heart as I lay there seemingly dead to the world. I hadn't felt such tiredness in so long. I didn't even think it possible to feel such limitations that never plagued my kind, but Jasper had taught me differently.

The feel of Jasper's lips on my hand surprised me more than anything. I couldn't understand why he would do such a thing. It was beyond different and not in the parameters of our relationship. There was a time that he had shied away from anything that called attention to his person or spoke of his emotions. He chose to suffer in silence, and never allowed himself to become saturated in the family.

His physical manifestation he just gave to me spoke volumes of his growth and progress. I looked to him in surprise, but he simply frowned. His eyes were filled with his sorrow, and before I could pull away, his hand once again tightened onto my in a vice grip and the pain penetrated my body. He had been giving me his sorrow and love in a physical because he thought his words weren't enough.

The silence was once again broken and the calm that had taken over the room dispersed. My screams once again filled the air as my body became plagued with _such utter pain and the bitter cup_.

* * *

And finally, it was as if something within broke. The fighting that had gone on for hours stopped instantaneously. Jasper's voice or manufactured emotions hadn't even pulled me from the monster this time. My body was so tired from the struggles and the constant movement that I could no longer move. I had reached my limit, and in doing do Jasper had broken me. I always knew he was stronger than me and even with my most intense effort, I couldn't stand against him. I lay there despondent as the smell and extreme stench of Bella's smell overwhelmed me.

It was the most unfortunate thing that finally had broken me. Hours had passed and the struggle had continued. Twenty-two hours of the most intense battle of my existence. It was rather humorous to think that I could even stand against someone has strong-willed as my brother. I couldn't believe that his monster had been able to overtake him. My mind couldn't truly understand that notion. He hadn't let up on me once during fight. He continued to push and push until we had both fallen over the precipice.

_Cheyenne, Edward, think of my little beauty._ It was she that had finally broke the vampire's back.

And with her little visage in my mind, and the amount of innocence she exuded, how could I not fall. Jasper pushed into my mind, image after image of her tiny, beautiful self into my mind. I had fought against the intrusion more valiantly. I didn't want to use her, and Jasper knew that I had my reservations in using the little child. But in the end, he seemed to understand that she was the only thing that could literally break me, no matter how much I still refused to accept. How could he expect me to use such innocence again such evil?

I never meant that my brother was terrible in using his daughter, but I couldn't understand. Then I saw in his mind that Bella had agreed with him. They had both wanted their child, which stood for something so whole and untainted, to help fight something that was the complete opposite. Bella had said that it didn't taint their daughter, but gave her even more importance in her young life. They were both so proud she had stood for something that wanted to harm her mother.

They saw her as some kind of symbol for me. I had rebelled against the thought, but Jasper was relentless. The more I fought, the more he pushed. I was already so broken, but the face of such a child while sleeping couldn't keep me from fighting any longer. I had succumbed to her call of innocence, more so than the call to her mother. I had done some heinous and reprehensible things, but even I couldn't be evil enough to hurt such incorruptibility. I couldn't be the cause that killed that shining goodness within her. I didn't want me to be associated with the thing that deprived her of her mother's love. That title would lie elsewhere.

"Those things that stand for such goodness are meant to be thought of, Edward. You haven't used her in any way that could be nefarious. She would want her uncle Edward to feel her love and know she wants him to be better. This thing that lives within is like a sickness. We didn't choose this life, brother, but it is what it is: nothing more or nothing less."

Jasper's logic was once again sound. I had found enjoyment in watching my family fall over themselves for something that weighed the amount of a feather. They had fought over her and for the little child's attention. They loved her endlessly and saw their own redemption within her. Now, I knew I was no better then they. I had unwillingly found my deliverance within something so little, and I had unwillingly found love within myself for her. I was lost to something the size of a loaf of bread, probably never to be found.

I was still leery of someone as small and precious as her, but that didn't mean I couldn't love her from afar. I only hoped my family would comply with my wishes, but that would remain to be seen.

Many things continued to roam through my overworked mind. Jasper had somehow become my strength and my conscious. His daughter had become my second chance and his love had become my greatest challenge. I heard scuffling to my right and knew he was standing. His hand invaded my sight. I lifted my own and allowed him to help me to my feet. My head seemed to swim with the constant whirl around me. I was in need of some serious nutrition. I had run the gambit in regards to my struggles and physical exertion.

Bella's smell still embraced me completely and I shook with the effort to still reframe from becoming erratic again, but with the features of a little child present, I was able to barely withstand. "Let's hunt – very soon," I added in haste. Jasper pulled me into his arms. My face fell into his neck as my body shook from my cries. The unexpected show of love was even more than I could take. I should have seen his movement and intention in my head, but knew that I wasn't attuned to my gift at the moment.

It had gone through much and I needed major substance that didn't have to do with my singer's blood. It was beyond forbidden. Jasper held onto me and allowed me to properly express my grief. I wondered where he had learned and acquired such compassion. He had been so void of emotions when he had first lived with us, even though he was empathic. He felt the emotions but never expressed, yet here he was comforting his brother that he had to break.

"Carlisle is an amazing being, hmm Edward." And there I had my answer. Jasper emulated our mentor's loving arms. Carlisle had done the same for Jasper, and now my brother was doing the same for me. I would never be able to repay such kindness in the face of my greatest adversity; the only thing I could do was try to apply the lessons he had taught me. With my last shudder felt, he let me go and gave me a shaky smile.

"Let's go and hunt. You aren't the only one in need of major nourishment." With him leading me to the garage and helping me into his car, I knew I had won the first battle, but the war was not over. I still had to face his love and the little child's mother.

Jasper and I walked in silence back to his car. Hunting had done its job and helped to strength me again. Twenty-four hours had been spent in my personal hell, and each second of each minute of each hour had literally been felt.

I didn't know if I would be able to withstand her blood or the song that radiated to my very core, but I knew that after all I had endured these last twenty-four hours, there were few things that came close to the agony I experienced. "You'll be able to do it, brother. I know you will," Jasper spoke; his words were no louder than the morning crickets that filtered in the back ground.

I looked over at his confident face and couldn't help but smile. Jasper inspired confidence in me, or more than likely, manufactured those results with his gift. I couldn't be sure. I wasn't assertive enough to know otherwise. "Those are your feelings Edward." Before I could speak he answered once again, "I can feel your uncertainty. Hold onto the positive and reinforce those feelings with each breath you take. Remember what I showed you, brother and remember what I caused you to feel. You never want that pain or stain on your existence. Let mine be enough for the both of us," he pleaded. Jasper's words were beautiful and filled me with an inner peace.

He had willingly sacrificed his time and pain to help me embrace my monster. He had relived one of his most excruciating memories, time and time again, merely for the benefit of his brother, and his love. How could I not try and repay him the huge debt I now owed to him. I wanted his mistake to be enough for the two of us.

"From your lips to whomever's ears," my voice was littered with ambiguity, but from remembering all that Jasper had taught me, it became stronger.

_Please accede it be enough. _

_

* * *

_

Bella's POV (while Jasper was helping Edward become accustomed to her smell)

I didn't like being away from Jasper. It made me anxious at times. But then there were other times that I felt as if I needed that time to reconnect with myself and establish what made me independent from him. Jasper and I had become one entity, not knowing where one started and the other ended. At least that was my interpretation at times. The majority of our time spent together was filled with thoughts of my love and devotion to him, something that had made me joyful, yet took my breath away at other moments. I figured those inconsistent and flip-flopping emotions would stop with time. My mind seemed to be at opposite ends so often, but I figured my life had changed so drastically and I still hadn't caught up.

The cold wind could also be blamed for my arrant thoughts. My body wanted to focus on anything beside the cold bite of the air, so thus my mind wandered as we did our Christmas shopping. I thought Jasper and I were going to do it together, but as I had learned long ago that things never turn out as planned. A tug on my hand pulled me along as we walked up the sidewalk to the next shop. The streets around us were also filled with last minute shoppers, wrapped to the nine in their heavy winter clothes.

I wasn't the biggest fan of the cold; I had been born in Arizona, and I figured my blood had never thickened. I wondered if Edward could tell the difference in the consistency of my blood. I internally scolded myself for such macabre thoughts. It was two day till Christmas and I was thinking on such horrid notions.

I thought about Esme and Carlisle and what they were doing and how much they were spending. They had so valiantly taken Cheyenne with them, stating that I was so overworked and needed a much desired break. It was ridiculous the amount of fanfare they put into their excuses to spend time with the little spoiled child that had stolen my heart the moment I had seen her. A smile had instantaneously broken over my face after giving them permission to take her. She could be safer with Carlisle then she was with anyone else (bar Jasper and Rosie).

"Bella, could you stop holding us up. You should be more excited, darling. This is, after all, Cheye's first Christmas!" excitement filled her voice to the brim. My little daughter had already been so spoiled that I almost feared what Christmas would hold for my little girl. I rolled my eyes at their excessiveness, but smiled all the same; I couldn't help but be affected by Rose's giddiness. I knew some of her excitement stemmed off the fact that there was a new member of their family that had never experienced the joys of the holiday. It was another first that Cheyenne had given them, and thus they wanted to bestow their love on her in any way they could.

"I'm terribly sorry, Rosie," I fake pouted. "It was never my intention to be so _humanly_ slow. I'll try to work on that weakness."

"You sure have a sharp tongue, when wanted, Bella. I do wonder how Jasper enjoys that benefit." My face turned pink, and that wasn't something I could blame on the bitter chill. I took the high road and stuck my said sharp tongue out at her. She laughed whole-heartedly at my antics. It was so wonderful to be that cause of her happiness and delight. She had enough suffering in her life; each of her smiles was its own individual reward from her to me.

Rose leaned towards me before she whispered into my ear that was covered with my grey knitted hat, "I don't bite that way, sister, but if I did, you'd be the first I would want." She then kissed my cheek and once again it flushed pink before she pulled away. Her tongue was just as feisty as my own, something I was sure Emmett could attend to. Her yank on my arm pulled me from unnecessary thoughts and back to the present.

"I love you tender, Bella," her laughing voice rang out amongst the late shoppers, causing some to look our way and become flustered by her immense beauty.

"I love you true, Rosie," I answered as we made our way into a boutique that seemed to scream expensive.

After a day filled with shopping and spending more money that I had ever spent and watching as money was spent without abandon, we had finally made it to the Cullen's. I shivered at being so close to something that could have been my ultimate death. I knew it was no fault of Edward's, but that still couldn't take the shivers from my body. I was sure, that with time, things would become easier and the memories of something horrific would be replaced with something joyous and wholesome.

I quickly changed the direction of my thoughts and hoped Jasper liked what I got him for Christmas. It wasn't terribly expensive, but from my heart to his. He tried to reassure me I didn't need to get him anything, but when asked if he would be following his own advice, he pleaded the fifth. I was now convinced that vampires suffered from selective hearing; it was no longer an assumption. I had only pleaded he get me something that didn't cost an arm and a leg. I also figured helping to convince him with my lips and tongue had helped. It was funny to see my beautiful vampire so flustered. It was unfortunate that his cheeks didn't show the tale-tell sighs that mine did.

After Rose and I gathered our bags and climbed the stairs to the house, we finally made it inside. I was speechless (of course) about the grander and beauty of the Cullen residence. What could be said for such unpretentious elegance and splendor? Esme or whoever had designed the rooms had outdone themselves. I wasn't really into the modern décor, but even I could appreciate the comfort found in the house.

Rose had taken me on the grand tour after we dropped of our individual bags in our corresponding rooms. With two living rooms (one more formal then the other) a parlor with Edward's piano, the many bedrooms, kitchen, and back porch, I wondered how they ever found each other. I had fallen in love with the house the moment I had seen it, even my escape from death couldn't take away my first opinion of the Cullen's abode.

"It's a lot to take in all at once, but we still love it," Rose's voice filled my ears and pulled me from my looking out the wall of windows the house afforded. I couldn't understand how they were even able to leave such shining beauty. "How do you like the house, Bella?" I gave her an incredulous look that spoke volumes.

"Okay, stupid question," she atoned. "What do you like the best?" I gave her an encouraging smile before answering.

"The back porch," was my immediate answer. The inside of the house was gorgeous, but I could sit for house on the back swing and allow the peace of the forest to envelope me. "I love how it leads into the back yard and into the woods. It's like this pathway to something that is waiting to be explored, yet feels almost forbidden. Does that make any sense?" I asked in doubt, after hearing how whimsical my voice sounded.

Rosie grabbed me and pulled me closer to her cold body. It would always amaze me that Jasper didn't feel that way to me. He may have been hard, but his skin was as warm as my own when I touched him. Rosie wrapped her arm around my shoulder and I placed my head on her shoulder. I loved my best friend and cherished her love of me. I could understand what others thought of her, but she never acted accordingly with me. We spent time joking as we made fun of the other, but it was all in fun. We were both like school girls when around the other. She was the more flamboyant one and I was the reluctant that was dragged along, but secretly loved every moment.

We had a dynamic that was both easy and natural. I would never know how we had developed such a rapport, but was grateful I had such an amazing sister in my corner. I would always defend her as she defended me.

"It makes perfect sense, darling. Carlisle felt the same way when we toured the house as a family. It was one of the main reasons we purchased it, not to mention the obscurity and privacy it gives to us. We vampires are a picky breed." I tried to poke her in the sides but ended up yelping with her laughing at me.

"That is so unfair. I should be able to tickle you to some degree without hurting myself." I fake pouted. "But on closer inspection, air seems to also hurt me when I walk, seeming as I trip over it constantly." Rose's bell laughter filled the air and caused me to smile. I couldn't help but smile with my friend.

"Enough about your inability to walk," she changed the subject while turning on the sofa to face me. Her legs were also folded under her, as mine were. We looked like two girls ready for gossip. I should have figured. "Tell me about you and Jasper, how far have you gone with him?" My cheeks instantly flared at the topic of conversation. One would think I was twelve with such a reaction.

"Rosie," I screeched in a high voice, "Do you honestly expect me to answer such a question, regarding your _twin brother_ nonetheless?" I could see the wheels turning in her head as she contemplated my question, but it failed to erase the lecherous smile from her beyond beautiful face.

"Of course I want the answer to the question, darling, or else I wouldn't have asked," she replied as if she were talking to someone that couldn't understand simple instructions.

"I can't tell you," I mumbled, trying to hide my face behind my hair that had come loose from the side ponytail she had put it in earlier in the day.

"You had better, or else I shall demonstrate the proper way to tickle someone." I turned my head quickly to the side to see if she were serious. Her face was completely serious and held no argument. She was so evil when she chose to be. I tried to give her a dirty look, but failed spectacularly. She only rolled her eyes and waited for my response as she folded her arms.

"Fine!" I yelled, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible. "We have kissed, intensely and have done some touching, but other than that we haven't done anything else." I finally gathered my courage and looked over to my sister-of-the-heart. Her face showed her astonishment. I couldn't quite understand what she was so shocked about. I may have been an unwed mother at the age of twenty-two, but that didn't mean I was easy by any stretch.

"Why are you staring at me so intently, Rosalie? It's not as if I spread my legs for any guy that may ask," my voice was harsher then I wanted it to be. I was, however; upset by her thoughts of me. She finally came out of her stupor, realizing I was upset.

"I never meant to insinuate anything, Bella, and I promise you it has nothing to do with your personal character and everything to do with my brother," for some reason her answer made me feel even worse. She must not have read my face properly because she kept talking when I wanted her to stop. "He and Alice never seemed to cease from their physical activities," and with her final sentence, I was crushed.

I had such insecurities where Jasper's ex-love was concerned. I hadn't even met her, but knew she had once held his heart completely. Hearing about their physical expressions of love only made the insecurities even wider. The chasm seemed almost unbearable. The first tear slipped without permission.

It was ridiculous to compare the two of us and our relationships with Jasper, but the mind never prescribed to such sane notions. Pictures of Alice were placed around the room, and her beauty was difficult to miss. It wasn't as glaring as Rosie's because few were, but it was there on display. It wasn't hard to see what Jasper would see in such a person, not to mention her personality traits he had fallen in love with.

"Bella," Rose whispered, gathering me in her open arms once more, "I'm so sorry for telling you something of little consequence. It was very tactless of me and I apologize from my heart." Her eyes watered and I didn't need Jasper's gift to know of its sincerity. I could feel my sister's grief in my heart. I kissed her cold cheek before tucking her hair behind her right ear.

"I know, Rosie. Sometimes we cannot help what our minds think. We know that it is almost like poison to think about such a topic and yet we still do. It's something that I have to work out on my own." She gave me an understanding nod and I patted her unyielding cheek. Her eyes still glistened in the soft light of the expensive lamp. "Were fine, Rosie. No more tears." She quickly nodded her head before she buried her face in my neck.

It was a shame that such a fun and embarrassing topic had turned into something sad.

"Look at what we have here!" a voice boomed from the entrance to the living room. Rose and I looked over my shoulder to see the gorilla that blocked the way. "Girl on girl action in the privacy of my living room!" A smile as big as his neck bloomed on his not so innocent lips.

SLAP!

Did the man-child-vampire never learn? Rosie and I couldn't help but laugh at his shocked face. I was more than correct in my assumption that vampires had selective hearing. Emmett should have realized that Esme was behind him instead of focusing solely on something that never happened, except in his sick imagination.

"I don't want to hear such perverted notions from your mouth, Emmett. Don't cause me to wash it out again," she cautioned him and wasn't making idle threats. Rose had told me how she had gotten him to allow Esme to wash out his mouth and it had been funny, when I wasn't feeling sorry for him. "especially with Cheyenne in the room. How would you explain it to her?" she asked in scorn. We tried to hide our laughs, bit obviously failed. He sent his patent glares in our direction, but once again failed to insight fear.

"Figuring she is like a sack of potatoes and doesn't understand English, nothing," he mumbled under his breath and was gifted with another slap to his thick head. I should have been offended the way he described my baby, but I was too busy laughing at him.

"Wrong answer. Perhaps one day you will learn, until then, watch the language," she told him, her voice already softening as Carlisle brought said sack of potatoes closer to me. Those two were way too soft around my daughter. Once she was placed in my arms, I kissed her blonde wisps. I had missed her terribly today, but knew she had fun with papa Carlisle and Esme. Or at least they had fun, it was written clearly in their shining eyes.

"Hello, darling. Did you have fun without mommy today?" She opened her eyes at the sound of my voice and stared intently at me. She was over a month old and even though she didn't laugh, she smiled. "I hope you weren't held all day." I looked over to the guilty party and could see that they had indeed heeded my directions. It was when Carlisle and Esme couldn't look me in the eye when I knew they had done something wrong. I gave them an encouraging smile before turning back to my precious gift.

"I know you missed Auntie Rosie, hmm darling." She kissed Cheye's little cheek before kissing her nose. Cheyenne's face scrunched up a little at the unexpected movement as her eye lashes fluttered without abandon. It was her typical response to something that was unexpected. "Goodness, Cheye, you are beyond gorgeous," Rosie told the little darling in my arms. Her aunt was so in love with her. I gave Cheyenne one last kissed before I offered her over to Rose. She looked surprised. I couldn't understand why.

"No, Bella. You've hardly gotten to spend time with her today. You should hold her; she should be in her mother's arms," and that answer was one of the many reasons I loved Rose so much. People so underestimated her unselfish nature or simply failed to look.

"I'll be putting her to sleep, Rosie, there is no reason why you shouldn't get time with her. I can see her perfectly from where I'm sitting. Not to mention she loves her Auntie." I could almost hear Emmett rolling his eyes at our _female moments_, or so he had termed them. He failed to see that he could also become giggly when Cheyenne smiled at him. At least I had the working parts to back up the female moments.

She gave me a big smile that spoke of her love. If I were honest with myself, I would have admitted I became lost in her beauty. It was difficult for anyone to not become enchanted with her when she smiled in that uncomplicated manner. I didn't like her like that, but I couldn't ignore her magnificence. It was almost like how I lost myself with my daughter, and sometimes Jasper (_alright . . . most of the time – I hated being honest with myself_).

"Your goodness knows no limits, darling." She took the little one from my arms before she buried her face in Cheye's blanketed neck. I knew she hated showing her weakness to others and turned away to compose herself. Her tears only added to her splendor. They made her real.

"How was your ladies day of shopping?" Carlisle asked, grabbing my attention.

The rest of the evening was spent with us just talking and being together. Even Emmett's silliness couldn't detract from the evening. The only thing missing was my exquisite vampire from my side.

After the dinner Esme made me, regardless of my pleas that I could do it on my own, and filling each other in about our days, I took Cheyenne and put her to sleep. She had fallen into the Land of Nod before I had even put her into her mahogany cradle. I placed a kiss on her pink cheek and then one on the other for Jasper. It was really the first evening he had spent away from the both of us, and I could only hope that what he and Edward were going through was worth it.

"Come and watch the movies, Bells," Emmett yelled when he heard me about to enter the room. I never understood his need to yell. Just because I was human, didn't mean I couldn't hear a thing. Sometimes I worried about him and wondered if anything had gone wrong during his rebirth. I laughed at his antics and then at Carlisle as he scolded Emmett for his need to yell.

"She's human, Emmett, thus has the capacity to understand the English language. There is no need to yell from the rooftops." I quickly made a beeline for Carlisle and kissed his cheek, before making my way over to Rosie where she patted the couch.

Emmett glared at me, as if I were the one who had gotten him in trouble. I surreptitiously stuck my tongue out at him, which caused my big bear-of-a-brother to smile. "You are incorrigible, Emmett."

I finally sat down next to Rose and watched as she snuggled up to her husband. I looked over and saw that Esme and Carlisle were also snuggled together. I was never one uncomfortable with those showing their affections around me to their significant others, but when one was surrounded by such evident love, and with two couple nonetheless, it made one uncomfortable. I knew that Edward had been the lone man out for a long time, and my respect for him grew tremendously in that moment of realization.

I couldn't pretend I wasn't uncomfortable, and tried to pay attention to the movie as Judy Garland sang in the old picture "Meet Me in St. Louis". I missed Jasper even more in that moment, and longed for his love to surround me. A tear escaped from my eye unchecked as the song "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" was belted by the talented woman herself. I could only hope that Jasper would be by my side soon and that everything would be fine with Edward and me. I didn't know what else could be done if they weren't.

* * *

Author's Notes: Another one finished. I hoped you enjoy. This chapter was difficult to write in the emotional department, but again needed. I wanted to write as Edward also fought his monster as Jasper had. We all encounter things in our lives that call for such strength, and I wanted Edward to have his time. His next encounter will be with Bella, and in the process of being written. I also know it strange that Jasper is so physical with Edward, but he truly loves his family and brother; he is comfortable showing that love through physical manifestations; at least that is how I saw this chapter playing out. Still hoped you liked it. =)

I was going to make these two separate chapters, but decided not to. Do you think that the second half might detract from the first? Bella's feelings while being separated from Jasper were always in my mind as I wrote the first part, so I included the second part. It also sets up later chapters (so I hope you paid attention . . . LOL). If you have time, I would love to know your thoughts!

Thanks again to all who continue to read. Also thanks to those who add this story to alert and favorites – it means a lot. And last and never least to all those who review, you never fail to elicit a smile. I apologize for not responding to your replies. I'm in the middle of moving and thus very busy. I decided to finish the chapter instead of reply. There should really be no excuses and I'm sorry. =)

I hope all is well with everyone and much love as always!

Special shout-out to: mssmith, Calliso, sweeneyanne, Cullen Cousin, texbratt67, missdaisy2, slc6548, letsjustdance, katandjasper, KareBear1965, acw1

_Posted: 9 February 2011, 8,755 words, 15 pages_


	12. Chapter XII

Disclaimer: SM and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Chapter Twelve**

_Seeds of faith are always within us; sometimes it takes a crisis to nourish and encourage their growth._

_- Susan Taylor_

24 December – Saturday Morning – Bella's POV

'_Come Bella, come play with us . . .' _

The compulsion was so amazing, and yet a little frightening at the same time. My desire to walk into the forest and discover its hidden agenda pulled at me. The cool winter air blew around me, bringing the scent of the woods that surrounded. I closed my eyes and took in the feeling of serenity and peace that the moment afforded. My unbound hair became windswept as the breeze danced around my face. Goosebumps became raised on my skin and sent shivers down my back. For some reason, the cold didn't seem to distract, but added another different element that made the moment peaceful. I reveled in this feeling and allowed it to fill me. I snapped out of my silly fantasy and inhaled deeply.

With each cleansing breath that entered my body, the feelings of negativity seemed to escape. It was a rushing sensation. Things that were associated with the Cullen's house in a dark light disappeared as I sat in what became my favorite part of their abode. The creaking of the chains that held the swing sounded in my ears and made me smile. I brought my hot chocolate to my lips and gingerly sipped at the warm concoction. Esme may not have been cook or even attempted to eat human food, but the woman sure knew how to prepare it. The warm liquid traveled down my heated throat and settled nicely in my stomach. I cherished a hot beverage on a blustery winter's morning.

The scene that I found myself in was something I always pictured. It was quite domestic, yet so foreign. I pictured myself in love and a mother, but far into the future. I envisioned a relationship where amorous feelings filled one's tummy with the cliché butterflies and one's pulse became thready. Cheeks would become tinted with the physical manifestation of the level of attraction they felt when their love entered the room. A small quirk would appear on one's lips as their eyes would alight with unbidden desire and need. Then the love interest would sit beside their chosen one as they snuggled with the other basking in the shared adoration.

It amazed me that I had all these things, yet the unconventional thing was my love being a _fictional_ vampire. That may have scared others off, but it caused me to smile because my Jasper was different than the others and he was _mine_. It was those things that defined him that made me love him all the more. He may not have been with me in that moment as I swayed on the porch swing, but he was always present in my heart, thoughts, and soul. What a scary yet glorious thought it truly was.

It had been a difficult night without Jasper by my side. It had really been the first time (that I could consciously remember) being separated from him during the darkening hours of the day. The level of my attachment to him scared me some. I wasn't sure how entirely healthy it was how attached I became. Part of me (that centered in my brain) told me that it was dangerous, the level of connection I had with him. Another part that was more centrally located (in the region of my heart) told my brain to piss off. When it came to matters of the heart and adulation, the brain had not a clue what to do. I felt like there were two parts of me at war and both scared me in equal parts.

But even my fear could keep me from him.

As the swing moved backward and forward, I allowed the constant motion to lull me into comfort. I had always craved moments such as this, and my heart could only sigh at its completion. Something from the right had caught my attention and caused my calm and steady heart to race.

Jasper stood there, staring at me as I stared at the shadowed forest. I wondered how long he had observed me. I couldn't help the silly smile that came over my warmed lips from my drink. Jasper's hands were shoved in the front pockets of his dark jeans. His light blue buttoned-up shirt was opened at the collar and the two side flapped as the wind played with the loosened material. His blonde curls were in disarray and also were pushed by the chilly breeze. His eyes were intense and captured me completely. The dark amber swirled as he fixed his gaze from my searching eyes to my lips. One couldn't help but shiver when one was studied so intently, as if the person watching knew one's entire universe.

I felt legs find the ground and stand on their own violation. It was as if my body knew what I wanted and had no cause for my brain to make commands. My thoughts were too arrant to even make such commands. I seemed to have been in one of those nonsensical moments were everything faded from view except the person you wanted and loved so much.

Everything became blurry on the edges as Jasper came into sharp focus. He didn't move but watched my every step out of attentive eyes. If I were being honest with myself, I didn't want him to come to me. He had done that on so many occasions and it was now my turn to reciprocate. It was if he understood my need and remained unshaken and statuesque. His face was the most expressive part of him and helped to ally my fears.

I carefully took one step in front of the other, making sure I cleared the steps without making a fool of myself. And before I could once again control my actions, I threw the mug that was in my firm grasp to the ground and heard as it thumped where it landed, or perhaps it was the tapping of my heart against my ribcage. One never knew in these situations.

My feet sped up until I was racing towards the person I had wanted the most in that moment. I had read about moments such as this and even laughed a bitter laugh, at such romantic notions, but I wasn't laughing then. It didn't mean that I wasn't jaded still about such romantic interludes, but that my vision was opened to all the new possibilities that Jasper's presence in my life bought. I was even surprised as I felt the sting behind my eyes increase before my vision became blurred, but even my skewed vision could deter me from my goal. Water trickled from my overflowing eyes and fell against my chilled flesh. But nothing else mattered.

I finally reached out and literally collided with my love. My legs left the ground and wrapped around my vampire's waist. He didn't seem to mind as he caught me in mid-jump and secured me to his lean frame. Jasper let go of our control and allowed gravity to take its course. We both tumbled to the ground and I couldn't help but laugh at the joviality of his antics. My chest pushed into his as he landed on the ground with me still atop him.

My laughs were instantly silenced as my lips more hurriedly found his.

We were both instantly scorched as we frantically made up for the time we had been apart. I fell further into him as his hands pushed my back down. My chest was heaving from my thick breaths and heavy pounding heart. Our mouths seemed fused together as mine once again molded around his. Jasper had a fear that my skin would be cut by his sharp teeth, but I could have cared less. The longer our mouths worked in sync, the more my thoughts became mush and my body wanton.

Without notice, my lower body started to move, craving the friction it instinctively knew would happen. The material of my jeans rubbed against his and was the only barrier between us. Something inside of me became seared and it felt as if my pulse could be felt in the center of my legs. My inner muscles seemed to clinch at the idea and caused me to rub even harder against Jasper demanding body. He responded in like as his hands traveled from by back down to my bottom. His hands pushed me into him as he rose up meeting the challenge.

My tongue left my mouth and tasted my vampire's lower lip that was still wet from our combined kisses. I could taste both of us on the skin of his lips and couldn't help but moan at the flavor. I wondered if Jasper's venom passed our opened mouths, thinking it I had ingested any. Light nibbles took me out of my head and back to the vampire under me. Our combined flavor was almost sweet like refined sugar and left a stimulating aftertaste that one couldn't get enough of.

Jasper's insistent hands seemed to slow as they found their way into my hair and fisted there as the locks wove around each individual finger. Our hungry and almost hard kisses became sluggish and languid. I could already feel the swelling of my lips, but Jasper's soft and loving tongue lined my lips and gently massaged them until all I could feel was the soft tickle.

Things had quickly gone from surreal to demanding for making up lost time to long-drawn-out actions. Our emotions swirled around us along with the now howling wind. I reluctantly pulled back and our lips slowly parted. I took his taste in once more which still lingered on me. I smiled shyly at him. Our moment had been intense. I hadn't meant to be so desperate, but needed him in that moment and it couldn't have been delayed. Jasper's face showed his love and his pleasure.

He looked both sated and more relaxed. I could only imagine what my grinding on him had done. If the now rescinding bulge in his pants was any indication, then I had something to be proud of. A pleased yet timid smile came to my lips once more. To know that I had given some pleasure to him made me feel immensely better about his past and the women who had much more experience that I would ever accumulate. My neither regions were going to be a little sore, but it was a pain that was well worth the effort. Jasper's gaze took in my smile and his own blossomed on his captivating face. I couldn't imagine a time where he was entrancing to me.

When I finally allowed him to speak, his words once again did failed to incite me, "I've missed your warmth, angel," he rasped. "One becomes accustomed to your heated skin pressed against his own."

"And one becomes accustomed . . . to such ardent words . . . leaving your luscious lips," I retaliated in broken whispers between deep gasps and slow kisses. He gave me an indulgent smile before he pulled me down to him once more and buried his face in my hair that had fallen into his face. His hands clasped together on my lower back and I laughed a little as his lips traced over my collarbone.

"You taste extraordinary, angel. I could sample your flesh forever," I shivered at both his slightly cool breath and supple words. I had no words to give back to him except the truth.

"I missed you also, baby. The night was long without you. Cheye slept through the night, or was either held all night by selective-hearing vampires, I'm not quite sure," I said in mock-anger. They had been doing better with hold her constantly. I pulled away from his roaming lips and thought myself stupid, but I wanted to see his face. "How was your night, Jasper?" he became more serious at my question, but I could see the hope that shined through.

"It was productive, angel. I don't want to go into specifics because I don't want to break his trust in me, but much was accomplished. It wasn't easy, but those things that are most worth our time and love never are." Jasper never realized how handsome and dignified his insight into things made him look. He thought himself lacking in some areas, but he was so wrong. It was something I could often remind him about; at least persuade him with my lips sans words. My fingers traced the contours of his beautiful, pale face.

"Is Edward here?" I whispered from some unknown reason. Jasper's hands surrounded my face, my skin flared with the heat that his caressing fingers brought. The look on his face portrayed both his immense love and concern. His eyes were locked onto mine as he searched for something that was unknown to me.

He once again sealed his lips to mine, which caused me to moan at the attention and utter gentleness he gave them. It felt as if angel's wings ghosted across my skin. He pulled back before he answered, "Yes, baby, he's inside. We are both well fed," my vampire joked. I couldn't help but grin. "And the family most likely heard what we were doing out here," he added like a forgotten afterthought, it was far from that. My cheeks instantly became scarlet from my embarrassment.

I wanted to yell at Jasper for not telling me such a thing before hand and letting me continue in ignorance. I tried to swat him in the chest, but of course he overruled my decision. He grabbed my hand at vampire speed and placed many kisses to the palm. My anger and embarrassment quickly melted as he lavished me with his attention. He was quite unfair, but who was I to complain.

"Are you ready to go inside, Bella?" he asked me, study both my face and emotions. I could now distinguish when he was reaching out to me with his gift. I pushed my honest emotions to him. He took them in before he placed one last tender kiss to the palm of my hand.

"Shall we go inside, Jasper?" it was now his turn to answer my question. His eyes, for some reason, filled with venom and I was too surprised to do anything but look at him in awe.

"I'm so in love with you, Isabella. I want you to feel my love so fully, but for now take my words and always remember the feelings my love may provoke in you." All I could do was nod. Once he thought my answer sufficient. I slowly got off of him and tripped a little from my unstable legs. His hands caught me around the waist and steadied me. He pulled me back into his solid chest and moved the hair from my neck. His lips placed two wet kisses on the junction of my neck. "Remember how much I adore you, angel, and know that everything will be fine." I reached behind me and threaded my fingers in his soft curls. The simple action always brought comfort to me.

"I love you so much, Jasper, and with you beside me, what's to fear," I whispered and allowed the wind to carry the sound to his ears. I looked at the woods once more and thought about their mysteries. Some things pulled at a person more than others, and it seemed that anything that had to do with the Cullen's pulled at me.

My vampire was more than worth the effort.

* * *

As we entered through the back French doors of the house, I couldn't hear anything. It was as if even the house was holding its breath, waiting to let it out in a collective sigh. Jasper led me into the family room where I saw those that were waiting for us to reappear.

I finally spotted Edward sitting next to Carlisle on the couch, I felt somewhat apprehensive. I was still scared of him, if I was being honest, but I also felt guilty. His face showed his pain and somewhat reluctance in being in this situation. I wondered if it had been forced or if he was here of his own will. Jasper had given me the details of the family meeting, but hadn't filled me in on the minute details. He simply stated that everyone was on board and that he and Edward were going to get him accustomed to my smell.

I also knew that Cheyenne was some kind of deterrent for Edward, especially in not attacking me. He had felt terrible for using her in such a way. I had thought it amazing that he could look at my little daughter and see her goodness. She had been some kind of talisman to him, and hadn't even realized. I loved my daughter and I was more than happy that her existence had given some sort of relief to someone. It reminded me of Jasper in a way. I had no problem with him thinking of her to help him. I hoped that Jasper had relayed that information to him.

His brother's eyes were somewhat dark, but I could tell that he was under control. That smile that had chilled me to the very bone wasn't present and for that I was more than thankful. He had looked as if something had snapped within him and a wild, unexplainable thing had taken over. I thought I had breathed my last breathe on this earth and wanted Jasper to know of my love.

When I had finally run home, I collapsed on my bed and cried my eyes out. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined my first meeting with Edward going in such a direction. To say it was scary would have been an understatement. When he had first opened the door, I was taken by surprise. I was expecting someone else for some other reason that escaped me. I knew, obviously that he lived there, but it never crossed my stupid mind that he would react to me in such a way. I didn't know what I had done to cause such a reaction. I hadn't meant to offend him in any way, especially which would cause him to try and harm me. It hadn't been until Jasper explained that I received some reassurance. I still felt guilty.

As I watched him now and pulled from my past memories, a grimace surfaced over his lips. I could tell he was fighting his natural reaction to me; my smell was not helping in anyway. It would have been comical that my smell affected him, if he didn't want to drain me. He finally looked broke our eye contact and watched as my daughter sleep peacefully in Esme's arms. His facial muscles relaxed as he watched her, and I wondered if he even realized.

"I'm sorry, Edward, that you have to suffer in such a way because of my presence in your family," I finally blurted out, unable to hold in my sorrow any longer. It wasn't fair in the least that he was suffering. "I'm just so sorry," I crumbled into Jasper's out stretched arms. Water fell from my eyes and down my cheeks. My knees had given out from the immense amount of guilt I felt. Jasper pulled me up and into his lap as he sat somewhere that I didn't know. I was too caught up in my grief.

"Bella," someone called, but I couldn't really focus. Once again my name was called but in a more forceful manner. I finally regained some control over my wild emotions. I looked up and saw Edward looking directly into my eyes. His copper hair fell into his view.

"You have nothing to apologize for," he spoke and pulled me from my train of thought. "It was an unfortunate series of events that no one could have known. Alice may have been able to know, but for some reason she didn't." I knew that his sister could see into the future, and I was surprised that I haven't even thought of that angle. "We have tried to contact her, but there has been no response," he continued to explain, more to himself on the topic of his missing sister.

"It is I that should be apologizing to you. I should have ran the moment I knew I couldn't resist your smell, but didn't. I hold the responsibility for that action, and words cannot explain away my terrible events. I'm also sorry for trying to take your life. I give no excuse, and can only beg your forgiveness. I was deplorable and uncontrolled. I hope to never have a repeat again, Bella. You may not be able to find absolution in your heart now, but perhaps in the future. I also know that only my actions will prove my penitence, but perhaps –"

"Edward," I spoke before he could continue, "I have already forgiven you, even though it isn't necessary. You cannot help your natural reaction and it's my fault that my presence in your life causes such pain. I should not even be here –" It was my turn to be cut off by Jasper and Carlisle's objections.

"Isabella, you should be here, and I don't want to hear those inane ideas spill from your mouth again," Carlisle's voice pierced me sharply. He wasn't joking and every word he spoke was the truth. "We are a family, and with that come struggles. You are now a part of our family and we deal with our problems together. Don't think you are ever unwanted, dear," silent tears continued to fall from my eyes at his heartfelt words. His eyes were soft and his face somber. I just nodded my head and looked around. There was a sort of fortitude on everyone's face that was present. Edward's was a little more pained then the rest, but with no less perseverance.

"Where are Emmett and Rosie?" I finally asked, realizing they weren't there. My gaze settled onto Carlisle while everyone else smiled or grimaced.

"We thought it best that our dear Emmett not be here for this conversation, it being that of a serious nature and all," Carlisle informed me, but smiled. "And we all know how Rose can keep him occupied for a time." No other explanations were needed, not to mention, I didn't want those imagines in my mind's eye.

The mood seemed to lighten somewhat after that, but there was still some tension in the air. Edward gave me one head nod before he left the room, settling somewhere else. Music filled the room and it was unlike something I hadn't really heard but somehow recognized. Esme settled into Carlisle after putting Cheyenne in her cradle but continued to watch the sleeping child.

"That's Edward playing his piano, angel. The music you recognize is part of the song I had written for you. He is playing the accompaniment that you heard the night of our date. Do you remember, little one?" he asked, I recognized the notes.

"How could I ever forget that night, Jasper? You make everything special for me." I kissed his lips gently to show how much I loved and appreciated his gifts in my life.

* * *

24 December – Saturday Evening – Bella's POV

The pregnancy ward of the hospital was quiet as we entered. I could feel the call of those nightmarish times I spent here, but threw them in the back of my mind. Tonight was about the needs of others, and not my issues. The lights were dimmed and one could hear the occasional beep of a medical machine. Rose placed her hard hand on my shoulder, as if she knew what I had been thinking. My time unconscious had also affected her, even though we never spoke of that time.

I commanded my mind to think of something else, the further we made our way into the ward. I thought about before we had arrived here and the Cullen's tradition. Jasper had read a passage of Shelley's Journal to everyone. She had touched his life in so many ways that I couldn't help but cry as his smooth voice filled my hearing with her beautiful, enlightening, and humorous words.

_Christmas time was always a special to me, probably like so many others. It was a religious time, a loving time, a generous time, a brotherly-love time, and a time of good will. I couldn't find one thing to despise, except perhaps the snow. Who in their right mind loved to shovel that white demon? Not to mention it turning to ice . . . but that was embarrassment left for another day. My mother still laughed when she thought about my tongue getting stuck on the sidewalk from the ice. I didn't like to back down from a dare. I'm sure whoever reads this in the future (which will hopefully be no one) would remember the film 'A Christmas Story'; need I write more. (Tries not to blush profusely) _

_But aside from all the joshing, there is something truly magical about this time. People are more thankful for their small miracles, family, food on their tables, warmth that fills their homes and friends that fill their lives with laughter. _

"_Don't only be thankful around this time, baby," my mother would educate, "but let your heart be thankful always. It will lead you to a long life!" I always laughed at her nuggets of wisdom. I wasn't sure about the whole longevity part, but she was right about letting my heart always be opened to gratitude. _

_I had learned through my divorce that even though, love may die and wither, you still have your family and friends there to pick you up. It was one of the many lessons I had seen played back in my life when I decided to write this journal. My mothers and friends' love provided a foundation that was padded for me to fall on. They carried me in the moments of complete darkness, and laughed with me when I needed something that didn't pertain to my pain. I knew this was a weird thing to be thankful for at Christmas, but as my mother had said, my heart was thankful all year long. _

_I had learned that when people are in their most needy times a community can come together and bring a little relief to their lives. Some people mocked small towns, but the feel of community and unity was unmatched. We took care of our own and made sure they had the comforts needed. It was so utterly beautiful to me to watch my neighbors coming together and lending a hand to those less unfortunate. _

_I had also learned that when the world tried to change the season of Christmas to something else that it was for naught. I couldn't understand the hatred in a time of year that brought so much joy and happiness to people's lives. One didn't have to be religious to enjoy the season. To me, it was the feeling of togetherness, the feeling of delight, the feeling of wanting to help someone in need, the feeling of thinking about someone else beside oneself, and the feeling of being benevolent that always touched me the most. I wasn't the most religious person, but that didn't matter to me when it came to the holiday season. It was my time to be happy and celebrate mankind and their willingness to reach out to others. And one could never argue with that. The lessons of service I learned at Christmas time were carried with me throughout the year and always carried a place in my grateful heart. _

_There were many other things I loved, but looking up at the angel adorning the top of my Douglas Fir Tree, I cannot help but ponder on my life lessons that have molded me into the person sitting on my overstuffed couch. Some things stayed with a person for a lifetime. _

_My mother would be proud of something getting through my thick skull. Until next time – Happy Christmas Shelley, and to all who may read this horrid journal one day (a smile lingers on my lips). _

I took her words to my heart and put aside my own problems, focusing on others. It was always a sure way to alleviate one's problems.

As we passed out the baskets we had prepared that consisted of Bath and Body Works products, soft chenille blankets, slippers, silk robes, thick woolen socks, shampoo, conditioner, gift cards for later, and other little assembles that we had bought on our outing, I watched as the new mother's faces lit up. There smiles were beyond genuine, even if some of them were more than tired. Some shed tears from the generous gifts, while others were speechless from the unexpected kindness.

The Cullen's had explained to me that they chose a charity each holiday season to donate needed items along with their unending time. While doing these service projects, Carlisle tried to teach his family how blessed they were, even if they were vampires. He believed strongly in nature and the continuous pattern of life. He cherished every life, even the ones he had to drain for his nourishment. His heart simply overflowed with bleeding emotion for everyone that touched his path in any way. How could someone look at him and not feel that radiating soul that reached out and touched one's own?

"We chose to do the hospital this year because of you, Bella," Esme whispered as we walked down the hall to another part of the ward. I turned to look at her, and I'm sure she read the confusion on my face. "Since we spent some time here during your recovery," she edited, I didn't blame her for saying when I had died, "we had decided to give back to the institution. They did a marvelous job with you that we are showing our gratitude." Unbidden tears came to my eyes.

I knew that Esme held some affection for me and we had become somewhat close since first meeting, but we didn't have any really serious talks. Our conversations usually consisted of Cheyenne, her family, and her assistance in anything I may have needed help with. She was more than gracious with me, but I hadn't bonded with her like I had with Carlisle and Rosie. It was through no fault of her own; when she wasn't attending to me or spending large sums of money on Cheyenne, she was busy with some project that had captured her fancy.

"We love you, Bella and could never imagine our lives without you, darling." I blushed and quickly tried to change the subject.

"That was very generous of you, Esme, and of course the others. I don't really like to think about the times I have spent here, but it's wonderful that you want to show some kindness in any way you can. One can say you succeeded just by watching the faces of the mothers when they smile," I spoke softly. This part of the hospital just seemed to call for whispers. I also hope she took the bait and changed the subject. Rose was quick to burst my bubble. She was too observant at times.

"Stop, Esme," Rose gently chided her mother figure, "you're going to embarrass our Bella even further. We already know that she cannot take a compliment well." I knew she was teasing me, but also spoke the truth. My cheeks became even redder and their tinkling laughs washed over me.

"Okay, enough with this topic. I love the both of you also, and I would also like to talk of something else," I said in my most stern voice. They both gave me a quick wink before abiding my request.

After the gifts were passed out and we were thanked many times over, we stopped in front of the glass window that showed off the new lives. Many of the newborns were asleep and dreaming of things unknown. Each one was beautiful and precious in its own right. They came in all different looks and different colors, but some things remained the same: their futures were bright and unwritten. So much possibility was laid before their little sock-covered feet.

Strong, solid arms wrapped around me from behind and I jumped a little from the unexpected contact. Jasper's lips kissed the side of my neck, and I sighed a little at the tender moment. I hadn't gotten to see Cheyenne like this, but I could imagine it would have been something like this.

"How was your deliveries, angel?" the gorgeous man that captured me long ago asked. I turned around to see him from my side vision, before I was caught up with Carlisle. He looked funny in his Santa Costume, yet somehow right. He had even put a pillow in his red coat to give some much needed padding. He and Esme were talking about something while she stroked his fake white beard. Their love was so evident and so inspiring to witness.

"Ours went very well, Jasper. How did Santa and his little elves fair?" I could help the tiny giggles that escaped from my mouth. Emmett had looked something else in his tight green spandex and green elf hat.

"It was adventurous, like anything that involves Emmett dressed up like some sprite and Carlisle playing Santa," he mumbled into my hair. I knew he was also trying to suppress his laughter. It was inappropriate for such raucous laughter where we stood. My eyes couldn't help but travel to where Emmett-in-green-tights stood with a full pout on his boyish face. I could only imagine the complaints that Rosie was enduring. It didn't seem to bother her, whatever he was saying, because she was too caught up with the little girl that was in her arms. She loved Cheyenne so much, and her love was more than evident on her shining face and glassy eyes.

I looked over to the end of the hall and saw a lone figure. My heart went out to him and the loneliness he may have been feeling. I had a taste of that and I could only admire him all the more. Being surrounded by such displays of affections wasn't easy and he had lived that for over a hundred years. Edward was made of stronger stuff then even he realized. I gave him a small smile, uncertain where I stood with him and within his thoughts. I was his greatest weakness, after all.

The grimace on his face lightened a little, and the corner of his lips seemed to quirk a little. I was surprised by the action and more than happy. I didn't want to be any more of a burden to him then I already was. I guess I had received my Christmas gift from him earlier than expected. Carlisle started to talk and drew my attention back to him.

As we left the hospital and walked into the cold evening night, I looked back once more to the place that had represented many horrors to me and sent a silent wish to everyone there. I hoped their lives and their aliments turned out well, and perhaps their lives may have been as blessed as mine.

**After they return home from the hospital**

Bella's POV

"Like what you see, Rosie baby?" he yelled so everyone in the surrounding neighborhood could hear him. Cheyenne jumped at the loud noise and whimpered a little. I turned red as I thought of what he wanted to give Rose later, and then became more embarrassed as he spotted my weakness. "Oh, it looks like Bella wants a piece of the Emmett man. I guess Jasper cannot give to our little Bella and she has to find a real man," he yelled again. I hid my face in my hair and tuned out his words. Jasper, the traitor, chuckled at his brother's tease. He just liked to see me flushed, in more ways than one, if I were being honest.

Cheyenne started to cry a little louder at the unexpected yells of Emmett. Jasper buried his face in her neck and kissed her little fat folds, she did enjoy eating. Cheyenne was always comforted when she felt Jasper's face touching her. She fisted her hands in his hair and I knew she was calming.

"Lower your voice, Emmett," Rosie hissed at her husband as she ran her finger down Cheyenne's cheek. She tried to take her out of Jasper's arms, but Cheye started to cry again. I laughed at this because I knew what Rose was feeling. There was no way one could take Cheyenne from Jasper's arms unless she wanted you to, and it was so unlikely when she was upset. She wanted her comforter and to her that represented Jasper's arms.

Rose huffed and dropped onto the couch next to me. She folded her arms across her chest and shot Jasper lethal looks. He just smirked at her and pulled Cheyenne up to his lips for a kiss. I pulled Rose's head onto my shoulder and chased the hair from her face while I ran my hand over her cheeks in a soothing manner. She put her arms around my waist and spoke into my shoulder, "Everyone is at an unfair advantage where Jasper is concerned with Cheyenne." I just laughed again at her pouting and kissed her cold cheek. I heard the sound of a picture being taken and looked up. Emmett was standing there in his green tights and Elf's hat with Jasper's camera. His mouth was hung open and lust was written clearly in his eyes. I was a little freaked out with his dirty ogling, but thought I play with him a little. I winked at Rose before she yelled at Emmett for his perverted ways.

I leaned in ever so slowly and brought my lips closer to Rose's. She knew what I was doing and played along. I could hear Emmett's intake of breath at the thought of seeing something naughty. I angled my head to the side and licked my lips as I got closer to Rose. She copied my movements, and I willed myself not to blush. I heard Jasper laughing in the back ground, but knew Emmett didn't realize; he was watching us too intently. He chanted, "Go, go, almost there."

When my lips were within centimeters of Rose's, I quickly turned my head and put my lips onto her cheek. She collapsed into me as her laughs filled the air, and Emmett's disappointed wails followed Rose's, causing everyone watching to laugh.

"Merry Christmas, Emmett," I said after I collected myself and winked at him. He just huffed as Rose had done earlier and dropped down to the ground by our feet. Rose reached out and kissed him soundly on the cheek. A little smile broke through his frown as he pulled Rose from off of the couch behind him and into his lap. He buried his face in her hair and whispered his love to her. I knew I shouldn't have listened to them, but when Emmett was being gentle with her, it was hard to avoid something so beautiful. The love almost radiated from them. I felt someone's eyes on me. I looked up and was immediately caught in Jasper's ocher gaze. He was so handsome and his intense visage called to my very core.

"I love you," he mouthed and I felt a tear of my own come into my eye. His wobbly smile was so innocent looking and I wondered if he realized the appeal it had on everyone he gifted it with. Cheyenne had fallen asleep again in his arms. He walked over to her cradle and tenderly put her down. Carlisle's eyes immediately focused onto Cheyenne and one could see he was happy with his little love's presence. Jasper left her side before coming back over to me. He roughly pulled me up from the couch and I had to hold in my yelp of surprise. We walked to the back porch and he closed the door silently behind us. Jasper turned around and I could see the need in his face. I shivered at the mass amount, but reveled he could see me in such a way. Jasper pushed me against the back wall of the house and pressed his amazing body into mine. I wondered if the pounding of my heart distracted him in the least. His mouth found the lobe of my ear and he sucked it in. I couldn't stop the moan that came from my lips as I fisted my hands into his shirt.

He pushed into me harder and my back became flushed with the wall. I would never complain having his exquisite body compressed into mine. "Look up," he whispered before he licked behind my ear. I reluctantly looked away from him and up. The mistletoe that hung there was big and filled with berries. It was one of the many staples of the holiday season, and I loved that Jasper tried to fill my life with those traditions.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him my thanks, "You are amazing, baby," I murmured as my lips crashed onto his that I had pulled down. My mouth worked with fervor to show him the love I was filled with in that moment. He buried both of his hands in my hair and pulled gently. He changed the angle of our kiss before he licked my lips once and moved down to my cheek, jaw, and exposed neck. I felt my eyes close on their own accord, as I lost myself in the sensations that Jasper created in my all too willingly body. I arched my stomach into his as he found the sensitive part of my throat where my pulse beat. I knew it was his favorite place. It reminded him I was still alive and in his arms.

"Damn, I love you angel," he murmured before he kissed my lips once again with his warm ones.

"As I love you, Jasper," I said back to him as our lips were still sealed together. "You always taste so scrumptious," the words slipped from my tongue as Jasper pulled it and gave me more of his flavor. Out tongues worked together and created a hot friction in our joined mouths. I couldn't get close enough to him and knew I probably never would.

"Hem-hem," we heard and both broke apart. My face flared and Jasper looked murderously at Emmett. He really did have the worst sense of timing. I guess he and Rose had come out of their love bubble, so therefore everyone did. "Bella, Esme wants you in the kitchen. She said your dinner was finished and was going to come and get you herself, but I volunteered. I had to see the hot make-out session," I should have been applaud at his comment, but I was more appreciative that Esme had not found us.

"Thanks Emmett," I mumbled before I turned back to the beautiful man in my arms. I pulled him down to me again and kissed his pale, hot mouth. My tongue found the seam of his lips and he smiled at my provocative actions. "Until later, baby," I breathed heavily into Jasper's mouth as his tongue licked my lips once more.

"Damn straight, kitten," he growled and pushed into me one last time so I could feel his amazing and long desire for me, and goodness did I ever. I turned away from him and stumbled a little over my feet, but the embarrassment was well worth it. Even Emmett didn't comment. He was too busy looking at the spot I had vacated, with his mouth hanging open. It was always a bonus when one could shut him up. As I closed the door behind me, I could hear Jasper's darling brother had gotten the use of his vocals backs.

"I knew that Bella was a little freak." You had to just love Emmett. One couldn't keep him or his bloviating mouth down for long.

* * *

25 December – Sunday Night – Bella's POV

The holiday had been more than I could have ever imagined. The year before, Mike and I had spent a quiet day together. His mother had wanted him to go home, but he chose to stay with me. I had felt terrible for that, but I couldn't make him change his mind, no matter how much I had begged. Our relationship had still been fairly new and he didn't want to be separated. If I would have known a few short months later he would have been in a coma, I would have gone home with him. It was unfair that I had gotten to spend that time with him, and his parents didn't.

Mike had asked me to go home with him, but I had been too shy even though I had been close with his family. It was different because we had been dating at the time and I wasn't just a friend anymore. I was selfish and it was a choice I would always regret. Some things in our life couldn't be changed no matter how much we willed them.

But tonight as I lay in bed with Jasper's arms wrapped securely around me and his soft kisses against my shoulder, I knew that life was never what one expected. Our day had been wonderful and filled with much love. I still felt terrible whenever I had looked in Edward's direction, but he was true to his word and tried his hardest while I was around. There were some times when his eyes would darken, but he would look over to Cheye, and they would become somewhat light once again.

I had been surprised at the gift he had given to her for Christmas. I wasn't expecting anything from him, but tears had flooded my eyes as I unwrapped her gift with the help of Jasper and Cheyenne sitting up in my lap. Her tiny shoes had been dipped in bronze and the date of her birth had been inscribed on the plaque they rested on. The gift was something that reminded me of old times, something that would have been given seventy years ago. I hadn't seen a pair of baby shoes dipped in bronze for the longest time, and the sentiment was truly felt. I had thanked him from the bottom of my heart. He showed me that grimace that was supposed to be a smile. Everyone had praised him and his choice of gift before he became too embarrassed, left the room hurriedly, and started to play carols on his piano.

Carlisle and Esme had also given something unexpected to Cheyenne. They had commissioned a portrait painted of her. I was once again overcome with emotion as I rushed over and hugged both of the people who had come to mean so very much.

"_I wanted her painted in oils, so we could all remember this time in her life where her innocence filled our family." Carlisle said with thick emotion in his voice. _

"_We love her so very much," Esme filled in before looking over to the cooing child in Jasper's arms. "As we love you also, Isabella." I just nodded my head and looked over to Jasper and Cheye. Her eyes started to droop. I think that Jasper had worn her out with all the pictures he had taken over the last several days. He wanted to always have the memories of her younger years. He claimed he wanted them well documented, but I knew he just loved looking at her pudgy little face. _

Emmett's gift had been unwanted, but when I saw the childish joy on his face when he went to retrieve it, I couldn't say anything but thanks. Now in Cheyenne's room in the corner stood a nine foot polar bear named Emmett. I had been beyond stunned when I first laid eyes on it, but after studying Emmett, I knew that the damn bear was a serious gift and really meant for her. There was a shirt on its chest that had a picture of her uncle smiling. I laughed with everyone else after my shock had worn off. Only Emmett would have thought of such a gift. His wife's gifts were more appropriate, but still too much. She had gotten her niece at least fifty new outfits. Words were stuck in my throat as I opened the many packages she kept piling in front of me. I scolded Rosie, but she simply waved me off as if I were some annoying fly.

She took the sleeping Cheye from Jasper (the time she was ever able to without the little one's permission) and placed small kisses over her face. "_It was the least I could do for the princess. She has to have the latest fashions, darling,_" she informed me as if I couldn't comprehend the topic. And in that respect she was correct.

Jasper's gift had me both crying and speechless for the tenth time that morning. He had a mobile commissioned from some local artist. Tiny glass-blown bulbs hung from their wrought iron hanger. Each bulb was a myriad of colors, but had a picture of each family member on the inside holding her. Each picture was wavy because of the glass incasing them, but one could tell what each was. In the center was one of Cheye herself, sleeping. Edward had come back into the room in that instant, and he and Jasper had shared some secret look. They each nodded at the other before Jasper returned his attention to the rest. The center bulb was then surrounded with the other glass that held pictures of the rest of us.

"What are you thinking, angel?" my love's voice filtered into my ear. His hands caressed my now empty stomach, but it was a habit that he hadn't gotten over, not that I was complaining. I always wanted his hands on me in some form or other.

"About how perfect everything was today," I finally answered, a smile he couldn't see lingering on my mouth.

"It was pretty spectacular, hmm baby." I turned over in his arms and placed tiny kisses on his nose. His outraged guffaws filled the room, and I couldn't help but laugh at his silly reaction. Sometimes his masculinity was as strong as Emmett's. "You missed the mark, kitten," he chided me before capturing my lips with his own unyielding ones. Mine gave way as they formed around his perfect outline.

"Love you Jasper," I rasped into his mouth. His tongue swiped my upper lip before he answered.

"More than you could ever imagine, angel."

We spent most of the night showing each other that love through our mouths and hands. My body called for more, but I knew that I still had to wait. Sometimes having a child was a burden on a woman's body and until I was healed properly I just had to bide my time. Until then, Jasper was more than eager to work me over with his mouth.

Life was definitely unpredictable and mine showed that more than ten times over.

* * *

Author's Notes Continued: Hope this chapter was alright. I had the most difficult time writing it for some unknown reason. I had more planned, but realized it was long enough and didn't need anymore embellishment. I know the scenes change a lot, but hopefully there wasn't any confusion or made the chapter seem bad. What did you think of Edward and Bella meeting again? I didn't want him to be miraculously cured, but I also wanted him to be able to be around her. Was I able to portray that alright? How did you like the gifts? I could have written a long scene about what everyone received, but I really wanted to focus on Cheyenne's gift. Jasper's gift to Cheyenne was for both mother and daughter.

Well I think that's enough we me blathering. Hope all is well with everyone. Thanks to all who reviewed. They were wonderful to read. Much love as always!

_Posted 18 February 2011_


	13. Chapter XIII

Disclaimer: SM and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Chapter Thirteen**

_Into each life some rain must fall, some days must be dark and dreary._

_- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow _

12 January – Thursday – Edwards's POV

The ride over had been relatively short, something I internally cursed. The task at hand needed to be done, but the undertaking was far from my realm of comfortable. Now that I was here, it was time to do what I considered the impossible. I couldn't understand where people, yet alone myself, found the strength to do those things they least favored.

My mind wandered over the last few of weeks and the things that had transpired, as I listened to movement all around me. I wouldn't have called those moments my finest hours, but things were always opened to interpretation. It seemed that the more Bella and Jasper had spent at the house, the more I came to scorn her. My actions had been irrational, but I couldn't seem to help the anger and resentment I felt towards her.

It was like, or perhaps I felt, that her very presence in my life was nothing more than a tease: her blood wasn't allowed, yet I had to be subjected to her scent continuously. Everything about her was forbidden, except her child that I couldn't allow myself to come near. There were times that I felt as if the little child was watching me, but then would laugh at my naivety. She was still shy of two months old and hardly had the ability to even sit up without assistance. Yet there were times when someone would hold her near me and I could see her watching me. It was an uncanny feeling that accompanied those stares. It was as if she knew I was being terrible to her mother.

I wasn't openly hostile to Bella, not that I condoned my behavior. I would give her mean and snide looks from where I sat. She would be laughing at something that my family said while catching my eye. I couldn't seem to help the sneer that would overtake my face. She was happy and reveled in her frivolity, while I suffered from her nearness and presence. I didn't understand what gave her the right to invade my space in such a way.

Jasper could barely tolerate me in those moments, yet he hadn't approached me. He would give me a glare before Bella would place her hand on his, rerouting his attention back to her. I tried reading his thoughts, but he kept me out firmly. His mind was almost as silent to me as Bella's, and that also surprised me. The little child's thoughts were the most interesting because they were so basic and primal. She was either content with her surroundings or upset because she wanted to eat or be changed. There were times she would hear Jasper's voice and know that it was him, like something just clicked inside her mind. She would then realize that she wanted him while being aware she wasn't in his arms. The little child would start to make her demand known and then calm when her desires met. It was quite astounding being privy to such thoughts.

Those were entertaining moments that caused me to feel like my burden wasn't pushing down so strongly onto my shoulders. There were also times that she would be observing her atmosphere and would smile. It wasn't like she had complex thoughts, but her brain did recognize what she wanted and what she thought of as new. Her mind was a fascinating and untapped world to me. It was wonderful becoming lost in such innocence. However, it became ruined when someone would catch me becoming lost in her innocence, reminding me once again that I needed to keep my distance.

That was something else I blamed on her mother. She was the one to bring the little child into our lives. She was the one to try and tempt me with the child's pure little spirit. Bella encouraged me to be around her daughter and I questioned her values in allowing her child to be raised in my presence. I was smart enough to not have those specific thoughts around Jasper. He would have been able to feel my emotions and not approve of them. It made me feel guilty to treat his love in such a manner, especially after everything he sacrificed for me. Yet again, it was one more unfair thing I had placed at Bella's feet.

She seemed to be my reason for anger in everything that was wrong in my world. My family had ignored my behavior, or so I had thought. It wasn't until Carlisle had pulled me aside and finally took me to task. He hadn't had Bella's permission, but Carlisle was the head of our family and would deal with things he thought were disruptive or damaging. It was his obligation and responsibility as a father and the head of the Cullen Clan.

_**10 January – Carlisle's Study**_

"_What is it about Bella that bothers you so, Edward?" Carlisle asked, finally getting tired of my cold and hostile actions toward someone he considered a daughter. I gave him a look that clearly read my actions were more than obvious. _

"_I don't understand –" Carlisle cut in before I could finish what he probably considered more than excuses, if I read his mind properly. _

"_I don't want those fabricated concepts you've built up in your mind, son, I want the truth and the root cause of your hostility." I sighed _

"_Her presence in my life tempts me in more ways than just her blood, Carlisle. I use her as my release of anger. I blame her for the new wrongs in my life. She is just another reminder that as my internal monster cries out for her blood, I am a soulless thing that should never exist." My answer was the final blow to Carlisle's temper. His answer was to my reply was more than evidence. _

"_But you fail to see, Edward!" my father all but shouted at me. I felt almost paralyzed at the enmity that filled his voice. His thoughts revealed his love for me, but his utter limit at my short-sidedness. His anger and sadness of my beliefs had built up over the decades we had been together and now they were over-flowing. "You have a soul! I know you want to disregard such a notion, but the truth has been glaringly obvious to you! How can you explain Bella and Jasper's connection? How can you explain to me that when he touches her, he becomes warm?" I felt like a fish that sputtered without water to breath. _

_I knew all these things that Carlisle threw in my face, but the more I ignored them, the better I felt. I didn't want to believe that my kind had soul because if I finally did acknowledge it then I would have to admit that my spirit had always been blackened; from the infancy of my inhuman life. I had taken many lives and it was easier for me to rationalize those actions because of the monster within. However, if I indeed had a soul, then I truly made those decisions, and damaged my soul beyond repair. How could one take life and then be exonerated for something one couldn't repent of. _

_I held the hidden belief, which was always buried so deeply within my subconscious, that perhaps I did have a soul. But because of my actions, there was no redeeming it, and once I passed from this life, I would be damned. I didn't know how to overcome the vicious and damaging thoughts, so I had to ignore them all together and believe that I didn't have something that connected me so intimately with humanity and the lives I had taken. The fact that Bella and Jasper were connected in such a manner had been obvious to me, but something I wanted to so rightly turn my back on. _

"_What are you thinking, Edward?" Carlisle's soft whisper broke through my warring thoughts. I released a shuttered breath and tried to valiantly stop the tears that wanted to so spill over my lower lashes. _

"_That I'm eternally damned," I told him brokenly, the truth in all its glory. My father was finally given the singular truth that had plagued me since becoming a vampire. _

_When I had taken all those lives, I knew that it was wrong, but I couldn't stop. It had become an addiction and something I didn't have control over. Yes, I had consciously taken those lives and I studied my victims before I drained them, but I would always tell myself just one more. It had started out as a rebellion towards the man I loved like a father. I resented him in that time. He had made me into a monster, without my permission and with the word that my dying mother had asked him to save me. I couldn't reconcile why she would ask such a thing. We were both religious people and knew the evils our world held; unlike what people held as nothing but myths in this generation. We had been taught to stay away from such evil. She had gone against all we believed and asked a monster to save me. Not only was I mad at her, but she had tainted her memory in my mind because she had been the initial reason for me becoming this thing. _

_I became angry at the world and everything that had conspired against me. I still loved Carlisle and then Esme (when she had joined our family), but I knew that my anger was going to finally consume me and anything that surrounded. I had watched Carlisle, working at the hospital saving lives, and couldn't fit his image with the monster that I had equated him with. So I decided to run and leave the environment he had created for us. He taught me to feed off animals, but what had given him that express right. It was in my very nature to take the lives of those he tried to save. It was almost hypocritical of him to try and deny me something that was essential to our nature. _

_But when I told him I was leaving for a time, I realized that he had never denied me anything. He only loved and supported me. It was all in my own head, and the blame that I had tried to put onto him was my own shortcomings. With my anger at him, myself, the world, and my mother I ran from home and decided to embrace my true nature. I was beyond redemption now, so what was the purpose of sustaining from human blood. I did, however; decide that I couldn't take the blood of innocents. I had to respect Carlisle in some aspect. I took the substance of those that deserved my justice. Criminals were just a stain and burden on our society and those they harmed. It was only fair turnabout that I took their lives. _

_Their fear and pleading at the end of their lives had only made the rush all the more thrilling. I had loved when they pleaded for mercy. They couldn't give it to others, but thought it should be given them. How skewed our society could be. I sunk my sharp teeth into their tainted flesh and sucked until their screams became whimpers and then nothing but gurgles. _

_The cycle had started and I found that the more lives I took the harder it came to finally quit. I realized that I didn't have any right to dole out justice. Nothing had given me that privilege, yet I had taken it upon myself. When the strength and willingness to pull away came to me, it was into the loving arms of my father that I returned. He had stayed and held me as I went through my own type of withdraws. He looked squarely into my crimson eyes when I had returned and didn't say a thing, but 'Welcome Home'. His thoughts only screamed of his love for me and his sadness for my regrets. _

_In that moment, I'd fallen to my bottom limits. I had so wrongly and unfairly judged him. Carlisle's heart was so pure and unpolluted. I used him as my scapegoat to take lives, and he simply took me into his home and arms once again. My lesson that day had been staggering; it's when I truly realized that I didn't have a soul and if I did then there was no eternal hope for me. _

_I eventually learned to control myself and the beast that tried to break from my firm grasp. When I would think of killing once more, I would look to the vampire that had become my father and role-model and sustained. I had finally learned stern control, but it had come at a price: my soul completely demolished and beyond repair. _

"_No, my son, you are not." My anger started to rise again. His words were spoken without rancor and touched that place within me that only he could. It was the place where I kept my darkest and most private thoughts. Then he asked me a question that I had contemplated before, "How can one be held accountable for something that is in their nature?" _

"_It may be in my nature, Carlisle, but we can fight what we are predisposed to be. Our family does it every day when we take the lives of animals for our nourishment," I stated my valid point, something he couldn't refute. _

"_That may be true, son," I gave him my victorious smile, "but," he said and wiped the smile from my face. He always liked to have the upper hand (even though it was something he wouldn't admit aloud), "your mistakes are my own." Venom started to obscure my sight at his rebuttal. I couldn't understand his reasoning._

"_It is my fault that you are who you are, son. Your choices are some fault of my own. You never asked to become our kind and that burden lies squarely and without argument at my very feet." I went to shake my head in denial, but he simply held up his hand t halt me. _

"_I look at each of my creations and always feel some guilt. I chose to make each of you, and even though Jasper has different venom, doesn't make him any less mine. From the moment that I took him into my home, heart and embrace, he instantly became my own as if I had injected my venom into him. But would you like to know my secret, Edward?" he asked me, wonder filling his tone. "Would you like to know where I find my strength, my redemption?" I was completely captivated by his words and the explanation that I had never heard. _

_I thought I knew everything about Carlisle because I could read his mind, but once again my father taught me a lesson. I was a flawed being and that included my gift. I didn't and couldn't know everything and that humbled me to the core. _

_His own venom started to cloud his eyes as he spoke to me, both in his voice and through his mind. "I find my redemption through my children, and it's truly that simple." '_Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Isabella, and of course my beloved wife are my salvation. I love them beyond eternity,' _his thoughts reached out to me. _

_There was no response to his eloquent words. I had been placed firmly in my appropriate place. _

'And Cheyenne, Edward, there are no proper words.'_ He closed his eyes on his last thought, as if the sting from his venom was too much to stand. His hands hid his face as he wiped the strain that I had once again caused from his visage. "My little love is my filling grace – my lost humanity – that I always tried, unfailing, to recover." His hands fell to his side once more before looking me in the eyes. They shown with his bright love for all that he had named. "She's the darling cherry on top." We both laughed at his figure of speech. _

_I understood what he had meant about the little child. She seemed to have a special and coveted place within the hearts of the entire family. _

"_Come back to me for a little time, Edward," he gently chided. Everyone was well aware that I could become lost in my mind. _

"_I look and watch every day as my family struggles with their individual problems. When they are able to overcome and triumph, it's like my own personal victory. I may not have any direct cause to cheer, but that doesn't make the happiness at my children's success any less wonderful. It's a parent's right to be proud and partake in their children's joy, but also their sadness and regrets. Taking your lives is something I will have to take responsibility for, but I cannot be prouder of my life and my loved ones. I am a very blessed man or vampire, if you will. My cup surely overflows, Edward." I had no response for his spilled wisdom. All I could do was allow him to pull me into his embrace. _

"_You have a soul, son, as does Jasper. It was as I started to relay to you, I've watched Jasper's little family. You've observed them also. One cannot explain away their very real and palpable connection, including my little love. He touches them, Edward, and feels their warmth. I have never heard of that happening before to our kind. Isabella feels our coldness, but not Jasper's. That tells me something very vital," his explanation was both clinical and loving. It was a weird combination to hear. _

"_Jasper and Isabella's souls have actually touched in a literal sense. I still cannot explain how or when, and even if I could that is something that is private in their relationship and shouldn't be shared without their express permission. Cheyenne is also part of that equation. We all take strict precautions when holding her, fearing that she can become too cold when in our arms, but again, not Jasper. He is able to handle her without those necessities," It was somewhat funny that Carlisle's voice sounded a bit jealous over that fact. I still realized that he was happy that Jasper could touch her in such a way and not have to worry about such limitations. _

"_You don't have to admit anything to me, but there comes a time where you will have to admit the truth to yourself. There is only so long one can stay in the darkness before their sight is lost for good. I don't want that outcome for you, Edward. I want you to live your life and embrace your mistakes. They are a vital part of you. Learn from the mistakes, and apply the learned lessons into your routine. Don't let them weight you down any longer," he pleaded as he squeezed my shoulder. _

"_I guess I have much to think on, but what else is new?" I asked in jest. He gave me a small smile before he took the opportunity to chide me once again for terrible behavior. _

"_You cannot continue to be mad at Bella because she makes you realize some important truths that you don't want to face. That is unfair of you, son. I also know that you may resent her some because of her blood and her concern for you, but that again is nonsensical. She doesn't pity you, Edward," again he was able to see past my anger and to the crux of my problems. "She takes the blame for your pain and ache you feel when around her. It is genuine." I had the good grace to look more than guilty for my harsh treatment of her, especially after all that Jasper had done for me in return. _

"_She needs to hear your sincere apology. The only reason Jasper hasn't confronted you is simple." It was something I had wondered. He had given me some angry looks and his thoughts were far from cordial, but he still hadn't confronted me. "Bella asked him to let you alone. There is already enough you must deal with when she's around, and she didn't want to add to your problems. She claims that you had us first and she will not make the family choose. Does that sound like someone who deserves your anger and censor, Edward?" Damn, I felt like I had been pulled apart limb by limb and then put back together. I had much to be contrite for and much to apologize. _

"_Make your peace, and be done with it, Edward. I know you still have problems with her smell, but I think the time, in which you would attack her, has passed. You're in control again. I don't fear for her any longer with you around." _

_

* * *

_

Edward's POV

Carlisle had been right in that particular estimation, along with everything else we had discussed on that day. It had only been a few days since that intense conversation, but it continued to weigh heavily on my mind, thus the reason I was here. I knew that Bella was only a few hundred feet from me. Her smell, of course, was very noticeable and stung my throat, but it was manageable. I still had moments where all I wanted to do was sink my teeth into her supple skin, but by becoming accustomed to her smell and being surrounded by it constantly had helped to alleviate some of the caller instinct.

I took one deep inhale and let the sting reside within me. I would soon be encased in her smell that would be even more profound, and I wanted to become acclimated as much as possible. There was nothing else I could do to delay my meeting, so with reluctance, I got out of my reliable car and walked to my judgment day. I had to face the consequences of my actions. I stopped before their front door and finally took the last step by raising my hand and knocking.

The person who had become the unfair bane of my existence finally opened the door. I had to stop breathing as the breeze blew her scent into my face. Bella knew that I was coming over yet she had looked surprised when she opened the door. I contemplated that perhaps she thought I would have chickened out. I had wanted to turn around many times and return to the safety of my room, but knew that was the coward's way out. That action would have shamed Carlisle. I owed more to the family.

"Please, come in Edward," she invited me while opening the door wider. It was my turn to look surprised. She gave me a shy smile and I quickly rearranged my features.

Her easy acceptance was difficult to digest, especially after my behavior. She seemed more comfortable then I in this situation and I thought her either crazy or just gullible. I was still a very dangerous creature. But on closer inspection, one learned Bella was neither of those things. After being around her and observing her with my family and her daughter, I had come to learn that she was accepting of those she loved.

"Thanks," I mumbled as I made my way into the living room and watched as the little child lay sleeping in her swing chair that seemed to be on automatic. A small smile overcame me before I even had a change to allow it. I was still weary of her, but could finally admit to myself that I carried a soft spot for her.

Bella watched me for a moment before she walked around me and ever so gently picked up her sleeping daughter. "I'm just going to take Cheyenne into her nursery." I wanted to protest, but Bella waved me off as if it were some nuisance. I watched, in stunned silence, as she walked out of the room with the still sleeping child. I was scared of being left alone with Bella, without the presence of the little one. We hadn't been left alone since I almost killed her. My fears weren't making it any easier.

It was foolish of me to think that I would always have a keeper when Bella was around. Eventually I needed to learn to stand on my own, and quickly realized that the opportunity had presented itself. I held my breath and thought of something to distract myself.

I looked around the room and saw the many pictures that hung on the walls. There were all memories captured in a moment of joviality and loving embraces. Some of the pictures were unsuspecting, and these were the ones I liked the most. They captured people in their unguarded moments and showed their true intentions.

One of them, in particular, caught my attention. It was of Rosalie and Bella. They were in some kind of open space. They were lying on a blanket and laughing at some kind of joke that was forgotten in that moment of their laughter. Bella's face was flushed with her happiness, and Rosalie's face was just as unguarded and beautiful. The major difference was my sister's skin glittered in the sparse sun and Bella was still pale. I knew Rosalie, like me, was uncomfortable with the effects our dead skin had when exposed to the light of the sun. We didn't revel in the effects, but hated the result. And yet, here my sister lay in the sun with her friend laughing. It was a soft moment, and told the viewer something about their closeness and relationship.

I was surprised that they kept a picture where someone sparkled out in view of everyone to see, but I guess they didn't get a lot of humans over for dinner, _no pun intended_. I quickly changed my thoughts to something else, not wanting to continue that line of thinking.

I continued my perusal and noticed all the pictures of the little child. She was a beautiful little thing and the lens of the camera couldn't capture her pure soul. There were shots of her and Jasper together in all kinds of poses. There were pictures of her and Rose, lying together and staring at the other. There was even a funny one of Carlisle on the ground, and playing horsey for his little love while Jasper's held onto her. It was heartwarming to see the distinguished doctor cut lose. The best one, however, was of Emmett changing Cheyenne's diaper for the first time.

I smelled Bella coming back into the room before I even heard her approaching footsteps. I stopped breathing again as she entered and took a timid seat on the sofa. She gestured for me to sit, but I didn't think that possible, too many things were accruing in my mind. She gave me a shaky smile at my refusal and took the empty seat by the fireplace.

"Sorry to have left you," she started in a soft voice. She now held a baby monitor in her hands. "Cheyenne has been somewhat fussy today. She woke up this morning and started to cry. I think she may have wanted Jasper and quickly realized he wasn't here. She's been pretty inconsolable," her explanation seemed more like an apology, but to whom I couldn't figure. "She may also be a little sick."

"Its fine," I heard myself replying. She gave me a smile as if I had given her some relief. Perhaps she had been upset because she couldn't comfort her crying daughter. Once the little child knew what she wanted there was no changing her mind. It probably wasn't easy having such an insistent child at times. But also in seeing how much the child wanted Jasper, gave more truth to Carlisle's words and his fact that they were indeed connected in some right.

"Was there anything in particular you wanted to discuss?" she asked when an uncomfortable silence had taken over the room. The tension seemed thick in the air, along with her ever present scent. I purposely took in a breath and waited as the venom left my mouth. My hands were shaky, but I knew that I was in control. It was something that was necessary. I also watched as Bella fidgeted with her hands while waiting for me to answer.

"I need to apologize, Bella," there was no mincing my words. I had come with a purpose and I intended to see it through. Bella gave me a shy, but understanding smile. I wondered if the girl's graciousness knew any bounds. "You have been the outlet to my anger as of late, and there has been no cause for such a reaction, at least on your part. You have tried to be accommodating to my feelings and my hardships."

"Why were you angry at me?" her was voice timid as she finally asked me her burning question. There were many reasons for my anger, yet there she sat in her home, giving me the time that I righteously didn't deserve. Once again I found myself becoming angry with her graciousness as I stood; apologizing for my horrid actions. Her acceptance sent me over the edge. The resentment I had felt came spilling over until I heard myself start to yell. I watched her as she looked over to her daughter's room, but she made no move to stop me from ranting.

"I don't understand what right you had in making me uncomfortable in my own home. I watched as you had a wonderful time with my family, while I was suffering. I craved your blood, wanted to suck you dry until there wasn't even marrow left in your bones!" She shuddered at my description, but still made no move to hush me.

"I was already living in a hell, and you felt like I needed even more of a challenge. Your blood felt as if it were designed just for me to consume. You can never know the sheer agony of what a burn like that feels. It as if your blood has some link or trigger inside of me. The moment you cross my path, that something inside comes to life and utterly demands me to take what was created just for that purpose," I tried to explain to her the very pull that resided in my core.

It was like trying to describe to a child the reason they why they existed. Her crystallized tears continued to pour, yet she made no move to stop me. It was like I wanted her to stop me but I also wanted to get this anger out of me, once and for all. I wanted to be freed from the thing that craved her. She looked once more over to her daughter's room.

"Look at me!" I demanded. She turned around and showed me her face that held both the guilt I heaped on her and her sadness on my behalf.

"It wasn't only the blood, even though that was the major part. You came into my environment and changed my entire family dynamic. We each had a purpose and a defined roll to play. Everything fit in nicely and things were hardly out of order. Your interference seemed to give everyone else some type of liberty to change," my voice started to become drained from the emotions I emitted, "or perhaps it is I that has always feared such change. I didn't have the right to be myself anymore. Everyone else around me was changing so what right did I have to stay stagnant and everyone else to remain in their unchanged states. I'm just that selfish of a creature that I always believed myself to be, and you seem to see the worst in me," I was finished. My anger relented and pointed directly back at me. I was always the root cause of the problems.

"What right did I have to demand anything from you, Edward?" she asked as I finally finished my rant. Tears begin to fall from her waterline that she had kept still during my verbal tirade. "They were your family first, and I am just Jasper's girlfriend." She continued to underestimate her value and position in my family's life.

"I don't know, Bella, I just don't know. It seems as if things are tumbling around me. All of my preconceived notions are being called out, left and right. Things I didn't want to believe are being shoved into my face until I have no other options except to accept them as true," my voice was filled with both the strain and the want for things to be the way they had been. "Why can't I not be a monster, Bella? Why does my family think more of me than I truly am?" I had come to the end of my rope, the end of my fighting.

Before Bella even had a chance to answer my desperate pleas, the little child had woken up. Her cries sounded through the monitor and had Bella standing up. "I'll be back, Edward. I really need to get her, she been distressed enough today," once again there was an element of contrition in her voice. I just nodded my head and watched her leave.

If I were being honest, the little child's cries were also making me feel terrible. She had gotten under my skin, without my permission, and I didn't want to hear the miserable wails sounded from her. It made my dead heart hurt like nothing I had experienced.

Bella's voice sounded over the monitor as she finally picked up her daughter. I could hear both of their hearts pounding and could only imagine the distress that both were feeling. Bella couldn't comfort her daughter because she could barely console herself. I had part of that blame. I had worked Bella up and blamed her for my own problems, unfairly. Now as she spoke softly to her daughter in hurried whispers, it didn't help. The little child's cries continued and only increased in volume.

I couldn't recall ever hearing her in such a worked up state. Of course I had heard her cry, but never to this extend. I felt myself feeling sorry for her mother and not being able to give reassurance to her distraught daughter.

"Please, Cheye, stop crying. Please stop crying for mommy. You're fine, baby, there's nothing to be sad about," I wondered if Bella even believed her words. As her voice quavered I thought she was also going to break down. The situation had quickly deteriorated and I felt myself at a loss of what to do. "I know, darling, but I don't know what else you want from me." I couldn't take the agony of her voice any longer. I found myself walking to the nursery, not really sure how I even started or if I should even trespass.

By the time I had entered the room and taken stock of the situation, the little child's face was almost beet red from her struggles in crying and not being comforted in the specific way she wanted. Bella's face was just as red, and showed her shame in not being the mother she wanted. When I finally reached mother and daughter, the little child's cries were almost breathless and tore shreds into my heart. I just couldn't stand to hear such desolation.

Bella finally seemed to realize that I was in the room and started a little. She got a hold of herself and looked at me with complete helplessness. My heart was opened and bled for the wretched duo.

"I'm sorry, Edward, you just caught me by surprise," she said through her tears while she rocked the inconsolable child from side to side. I reached out my arms to her and once again surprise clouded her features, and even myself. I had no intention of ever holding the babe and yet here I stood, trying to take her from her mother's tired arms.

"I promise not to hurt her, Bella." She gave me a tired smile that said she believed me.

"May I try holding her?" I asked quietly, even with the cries of the little child. I wasn't sure if I would be any comfort to her, but I couldn't stand to see her in such a state anymore. I had never tried to hold the little child before or even comfort her because my fear never allowed me to approach.

I never wanted to taint her, but I needed her to be reassured. I wanted her to feel some security even though she already had that with her mother. Bella lovingly placed the squalling child into my shaky hands, and taught me how to support her wiggling body. I knew that my body was cold and hard, but I had worn long sleeves and she was wrapped in a blanket. I brought the distraught child closer to my chest, and for the first time, realized that I was holding something so pure, and unpolluted. I had always known this about her, but having her little body supported by my arms was a daunting experience. I instinctively rocked her back and forth making sure not to jostle her too much.

"Hello, little child," I introduced myself to her. I felt venom enter my eyes at having something so close to heaven in my hands. I knew that it was something I would never get to see, but was able to touch through Cheyenne. "You are awfully beautiful, precious," at my words something miraculous started to happen. Her loud cries became whimpers and her eyes that were drenched with her tears focused in on my face.

The blue of her eyes were magnified by the salt water and cast prisms of rainbows for my own eyes to see. "Can you witness how flawed I am, little child?" I asked her in pain. I felt as if she could see into the depth of my soul and witness all the blackness within. I tried handing her back to Bella, but she started to cry again. I couldn't understand how this little child could find comfort from such a tormented man such as me, but regardless, her cries lessened as I brought her into the crook of my arms again.

"Why do you find comfort in my tainted arms, Cheyenne?" I asked a question she didn't have the capacity to answer, but realized I had used her name for the first time. "I have never held you before, or even sought you out, and yet you find something inside of me that can bring you a semblance of peace. I don't understand you, little child." She continued to stare at me as if I had placed the world at her tiny feet. She didn't respond to my inane talk, but a peaceful look broke over her face. I felt myself cave into her.

"She can see your beauty, Edward!" Bella whispered to me. I looked away from the now quieting baby in my arms back to her mother. "You see yourself as something unworthy and flawed. You refuse to listen to those whom love you the most when they tell you differently. I can understand that, Edward. I still have problems believing Jasper when he says I'm beautiful," she flushed at her comment, and my throat flared. I pulled Cheyenne closer to me, not realizing.

The burn lessened a little and for that I was thankful. A coo escaped the little child's mouth and I smiled involuntarily. "She doesn't know any better, Edward. You may be all those things that you profess, but then again you may not. Cheyenne doesn't see those things that we have done in our past; all she sees is something or someone she loves. I've only seen her take to one other person so quickly and that was Jasper. You know his past and his regrets, Edward. Think about that for a while. Cheyenne loves those who are probably the hardest on themselves."

She left it at that as she got off of the couch and approached. I started to panic, but remembered I was holding the little child. Bella slowly leaned forward and kissed my cheek, not caring about the dangers she put herself into. She then kissed her child before she guided us to the couch and left the room quietly.

I was still in shock from her departure. I couldn't believe that she had left me with her child. She had trusted me enough to leave her most precious gift alone in my arms. When I had thought my world bleak and my life over, something came along and changed my view, slowly but surely.

Miracles, it seemed, hadn't ceased, even in my tainted world.

* * *

Author's Notes: I hope this chapter is alright. I'm still not sold on it. That's why it took me a little longer to post. I tried rewriting some, but couldn't really find what may be wrong with it. Perhaps you may think its fine. I did enjoy having Edward give his POV, and find some closure with his situation. It may not come off like that, but it is what I intended with this chapter, and perhaps that is the missing piece. I'd love to know your thoughts (what you liked, what you didn't, if there was something missing, or if the chapter was just a plain bore). Everything is welcomed. PS. For those who ask, Jasper was hunting with Emmett and Rose.

Now next chapter will be much fun. Here is the **chapter spoiler**: Alice will be returning, and some answers being answered. I can't (okay, won't . . . LOL) write anymore. Hope all is well with everyone. Much love as always.

_Posted: 26 February 2011_


	14. Chapter XIV

Disclaimer: S. Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Chapter Fourteen **

_What matters most? Everything  
That you feel while listening to every word that I sing.  
I promise you I will bring you home  
I will bring you home._

_Secondhand Serenade (Lyrics to "Why")_

20 January – Friday – Carlisle's POV

"It's good to have you home, dear," I whispered into my daughter's ear before I took her into my arms. She hadn't been the daughter of my earthly life or even my creation, but she was mine in all the ways that mattered. The heart superseded all the trivial things, or what I perceived as trivial. She shook a little in my arms, from what I knew to be sobs, but accepted my welcome. The cause of her sadness evaded me, but that didn't matter at the moment. I allowed her the necessary time to collect herself before releasing her. The light still outlined the venom in her orbs, but she gave me that brave smile that had graced her youthful face often. I ushered my daughter over to an easy chair and waited for her to sit. I took the chair opposite her before speaking again.

"How were the Denali's?" A lot had happened in her absence and I wondered how much she had been privy to because of her gift. Some anger at her surfaced in me, but quickly ceased. I didn't have all the information at hand and wasn't aware of how much she actually had known.

"I don't think that Tanya has gotten over Edward yet," she continued seemingly unaware of my attitude or current emotions on her behalf. Her voice sounded both cruel and harsh.

I studied her closely as she spoke about her extended trip and what they had done over the holiday. There seemed to be a new hardness to her once easy going features. Her posture was even more rigid, and her eyes that use to sparkle with life, seemed almost dimmed with an anger that burned deep. With her being away, I wished she had come to some conclusion or even acceptance of Jasper and his relationship.

Before she left, thing were strained at best. Jasper and Bella didn't come to the house and kept their distance. Jasper was short with Alice in their limited discussions and she had often cried when they were finished. My comfort had only gone so far before she even pushed me away. The joviality that used to fill Alice's personage was long gone and replaced with bitterness. She seemed almost beyond the reach of modification.

"Did you give them Esme's and my regard," I asked politely, trying to make civil conversation. I didn't want to swim in unsteady waters but knew that wasn't possible. With Alice's presence in the family again, things were more than likely to become rough once again. The Cullen's problems never seemed to cease, but woe was never us. We had too much to be thankful for.

"Of course, Carlisle, you asked me to about twenty times before I even left," her voice was hard and filled with annoyance. I may have deserved some scorn in my day, but her rudeness wasn't called for. All that had been done was a simple question asked.

"Don't take such an attitude with me, Alice," my voice stern. "I asked a basic question with respect that deserves the same answer. There is no reason to become waspish!" Her features softened to a degree at my rebuke of her attitude but there was still a hardness that had nothing to do with being a vampire.

"Sorry, Carlisle, I'm just strained with things right now. There's a lot going on in my mind," explained Alice, giving me the perfect opening that I didn't want to pass through.

"Do these things have anything to do with your power?" Her face showed her shock at my guess. She also gave me the silent answer that I had feared. Alice may have been many things, but vengeful of her family wasn't on the list of shortcomings, something she didn't consider Isabella a part of. I released a much needed sigh.

"How are you aware of that, Carlisle?" The time to throw down the gauntlet, so to speak, had arrived. Alice deserved the truth and I deserved some answers for her silence.

"Many things have happened over the course of your absence, Alice," I started to explain but was immediately cut off from her grief-stricken voice.

"I didn't know! Is Jasper fine . . . and the family?" she added in haste. Jasper being her first concern was already suspected. She could ask after all our healths but Jasper was always her first concern. Alice loved us, but she always had a special place for the broken vampire that captured her long ago. "What happened?" worried laced her tone. There was no beating around the bush.

"Do you remember when Jasper couldn't resist Shelley and took her life," tears filled her eyes at Jasper's past mistake. She had blamed herself for a time for his sin. "It turns out that Edward has the same problem with Isabella," I used the present tense while speaking. It gave Alice the knowledge that everything was fine for now without having her ask. "There was a close call, but Jasper was able to save her in time."

I now couldn't help the sadness that accompanied my voice, "If Jasper hadn't gotten there in time, both Isabella would have been drained and Edward probably would have taken his own life. He already struggles with what he is and the things he has done. Killing someone after so long and one so close to the family, would have sent him over the literal edge." Goodness that was a hard truth to swallow and still contemplate. The loss of two children would have destroyed my family in so many ways that would have been beyond repair.

"Could you please explain what you mean by not knowing?" I needed to know what she was speaking of. The knowledge was very important and could have been a potential danger.

"I haven't seen Jasper and Bella in a while, Carlisle. I guess I've just become accustomed to not seeing them or anything else that is associated with her." It was difficult to fight the skeptical look that came to my face. She had seen Cheyenne coming early and warned us accordingly. There were many things I could take from Alice, but lies couldn't be tolerated. I gave the children many concessions and never judged them for their mistakes. I loved them regardless, but the fact that she felt the need to lie was something different. I also couldn't understand why she never spoke of it to me. I think I had deserved to know something so important.

"Why didn't you say anything, Alice?" my anger seemed to rise up from out of nowhere. I couldn't understand her reluctance to say anything. I guess I relied more on her gift then I previously thought. "Did you not think it a matter of importance? Why did you not think to call your family? What if something tragic might have happened, and with you not being able to see such a thing and you had no knowledge of our supposed plight?" my voice came out strained. All of the questions had rushed out of my mouth as if there were no filter. My anger and worry must have been closer to the surface then I expected. These were hypothetical's but close to my heart and worries. My family was always my number one concern.

My daughter's eyes filled with tears at my anger and derision. She shook from her sobs and pulled my heart from my stomach. I hardly ever spoke to them in such a voice that it always came as such a surprise. My hurt on her behalf howled within me and I came to regret the force with which I questioned her. Alice hadn't been aware of some things and I had taken out my pent up emotions on her.

"I don't know, Carlisle. There are many reasons as to why I didn't confess to you. I know how much the family relies on my gift and the fact that it stopped working for some members made me feel like a failure. I didn't want to share something so disappointing with you. I also know how much Jasper hates my gift. Since my lack of visions regarded him and Bella, I thought it better not to say anything. He got his unspoken wish and things were probably better that way." That was some explanation, but still didn't answer my question satisfactorily.

"Why didn't you tell me then, Alice? I had a right to know."

"I don't know Carlisle! I don't have an available answer!" her voice started to rise. "Perhaps Jasper got his wish and perhaps he would see that my gift was important, no matter how much he may have despised it. When he needed it the most and it wasn't there, then he could only blame his own self. This isn't the reason I didn't tell you, but it's some of the anger I've felt in not being able to see his life anymore. It pains me that something could happen and I wouldn't have the slightest idea," the truth of her last statement was written clearly in her venom-coated eyes.

"I explained it to Edward as best as I could, Carlisle. I couldn't see why he needed to stay away from her, but could sense that there could be some danger from him in regards to her. The closer I got to the image, the fuzzier it would become. I had those terrible headaches you couldn't explain. There is some aversion to Bella and my visions. At first I was able to see clearly, but the more Jasper fell in love with her, the more they began to disappear. The last somewhat clear thing I saw was the baby coming early. The rest has been darkness." Astonished wasn't even a word close enough to resemble what I felt at that knowledge. There seemed to be no apparent explanation.

I always thought her visions infallible, but my preconceived notions seemed to be thrown from the closed window with a resounding crash. "You still should have confided in me, daughter." She gave me an apologetic look before her visage changed faster than I had ever witnessed.

* * *

Carlisle's POV

"Jasper loved me first, Carlisle. Bella wouldn't even have had a chance with him if I hadn't released him. She would still be holed up in her indigent apartment with no one to help her. I allowed her to have Jasper!" the anger in her voice was tangible. Her immediate change of subject came from nowhere and set her features to stone once more. There were no more venom-tears in her eyes, but some sort of vindictiveness. Without Jasper's gift I couldn't be sure, but it was difficult to mistake such a sight.

A gasp from behind caused me to turn at vampire speed. My eyes seemed to see a mirage, but I couldn't deny what I saw. My vision was perfect and infallible. There was little that could ever obstruct my vision, and as I witnessed the shock and sadness on Isabella's face, said obstruction filled my eyes. Venom pooled into the corners and spread in its entirety. There was little to no doubt that Alice's presence was going to be a problem, and here was the evidence. I knew myself to be an emotional sort, but it pained me deeply to see any member of my family in pain.

Isabella face became blurry as I tried to blink away the intrusion. I must have been completely taken with Alice and her abrupt change not to have even notice her arrival. It was very rare when something got past me, and it was tragic that now was such a time.

"Bella, I presume," a voice seething with malice spoke. Alice's voice alone could have filled the room with pure ice. "Leaves much to be desired, I'm sure." Her eyes swept over Isabella's presence before letting out a scoff.

I was beyond shocked at Alice's behavior. I had truly never seen her treat anyone with so much malice and contempt. It was usually Rose that put on such a display. I wondered when my family had changed so much and how everyone's role had changed around me. At times, I was falling in quicksand faster than my vampire speed could acclimate. It seemed an impossible feat, but nothing seemed far out of the realm of change. Along with Isabella and her beautiful daughter joining our family, came both pleasures and consequences. They were changes that I would always welcome and never regret. The situation just needed time to catch up with the constant swirls.

"No words, _Bella_," my vindictive daughter asked, rolling her perceived enemy's name off her sharp and vile tongue. Isabella just continued to stare. She looked to be witnessing a horrific crash in the making. It was something one knew would be life shattering, but no matter the outcome, one couldn't look away. "I presume you heard what I said previous to you interrupting?" A wicked sneer came over her lips. She stared at Isabella as if she was some prey, and in Alice's eyes, she was. It was more than apparent.

Said prey didn't respond, but for the tears running out of her innocent brown eyes. My dead heart went out to her, wanting nothing more than to take Isabella into my cold arms and shield her from the inappropriate comments being spewed her way. I cursed at my inability to move and couldn't understand my lack of a response.

"The waterworks are admirable, darling, but have little to no affect on me. I hope your lesson was learned about intruding in on private conversations that don't involve you. It's never easy to hear the truth," Alice's terrible words hung in the thick air that was clogged with rampant emotions. The silence was even more deafening.

"Perhaps you should answer your own question, Alice, it being completely inappropriate." I wanted to sigh as the situation seemed to fall out of control. I now understood that it was Jasper that had seized me into inaction. He always wanted to be Isabella's savior and this moment was no exception. I wasn't angry at him for messing with my free will, but for stopping me in comforting his love. He stepped fully into the room and halted next to Isabella. "What presumptions do you have in saying such harsh things to Bella? What has she done to deserve your scorn?" Once again silence dominated the room and the only things to be heard were Isabella's deep breaths and her loud, frantic heartbeat.

"Answer me!" my son yelled at his onetime love, causing Isabella to jump and me to become even more worried. It was now Alice's turn to start with her own waterworks, or in her case the poison that flowed in our bodies. Jasper's anger had caused her to become both sad and scared. Her eyes showed her changing emotions.

"Jasper, please," Isabella finally broke from her trance, and started to beg my son, "don't do this." He turned his attention to her and his visage became softer, more loving. Her hands clung to his shirt front and fisted the material. Her plea was serious and from the heart. I knew that Isabella hated any disagreements within the family that were about her. He lifted his finger and let it touch her cheek. They were a tragic image and one that broke the heart.

"Angel, how can you expect me –" he started to say, but was cut off.

"Because you already know," nothing else was said. They continued to stare at each other, having a silent conversation or perhaps reliving a memory together. It was difficult to tell with their deep and tangible bond. It made one fill like an outsider, like they were witnessing something sacred.

"I think it best if we all left with no more words spoken," I advised in the gentlest of voices. I didn't want to startle anyone or cause any more out breaks. "Some things can never be taken back, no matter how much we wish it and above all else we are family!"

"I'm sorry, Jasper, I never meant –" my daughter's voice sounded almost hysterical as she all but pleaded with her ex to understand.

"Now isn't the time, Alice. I can't bear to hear your pretext or justification," his voice was iced over steel. I hadn't heard that tone from him in such a while that it not only scared me, but caused me to fear for my family. The situation with Edward had already been terrible, and I wondered how much we were to endure. "Enough has been said, and that's all there is to it. Some true colors were exposed this afternoon." More venom obscured my eyes along with the female population in the room.

Alice's sobs took over her as she shook her head, like she was trying to rid her mind of some truth she didn't want to face. My little daughter looked as if she were about to collapse. She had said some awful things to Isabella, but that didn't stop me from wanting to comfort the person who had brought so much light to my family.

"Alice . . ." I whispered, trying to get near her cautiously. Before I could reach her, a wind swept by me, and carried my broken daughter from the comfort of my arms. Alice had left, and Isabella had broken down into Jasper's arms. He picked her up and carried her over to the seldom used couch. I went to approach and offer my support, but was held off by his raised hand. I knew this wasn't a slight against me, but it still felt terrible to be rejected by all of my children. I gave one solemn nod before quitting the room.

Jasper's soft and loving words whispered into his angel's ear followed me as I ran and vacated myself in the master suite. I sat on the bed and buried my head between my hands. Much had already transpired and many things had been spoken, many that couldn't be taken away. My mind spun with all that I had learned and watched. This was just another problem that needed to be faced. I just prayed that it didn't tear apart the family that I needed so very much. Jasper, Isabella, and Alice were all hurting, and I didn't know how to comfort any of them.

Jasper, Isabella, and the little love shared a connection that I scarce understood and didn't even come close to comprehending. Alice's power was malfunctioning, with nothing being transparent about the cause. However, there was one thing that was more than certain: problems would never cease to arise.

I also had to deal with the real possibility of Bella having an untapped talent she was unaware of. Things seemed to go from out-of-control, to insanity. At least we all had our health and didn't have to worry about such trivial things of life.

When was an existence ever _uncomplicated_?

* * *

Jasper's POV

"Jasper, please don't say anything to her," my love pleaded. She not wanting me to say something to Alice about her insolence was mind-boggling. I had almost hated Alice in that moment. I loathed standing there, at Bella's insistence, watching as she was spoken to in such a degrading manner. Bella looked at me with tears in her eyes, sending her pleading to me. I knew it wasn't a plea for me to stand up for her, but a plea not to say anything. It had been the same feeling I received from her when she had once before begged me not to say anything to Edward for his treatment.

The fact that Carlisle had finally taken a stance and said something caused me to hold my tongue. There was little I wouldn't do for Bella and at the most inconvenient time, at least to myself, she realized that power she held over me. I had been very reluctant to not say anything to both of my family members. It seemed even harder to not go against Bella's express permission.

"How can you expect me not to, angel? I abided your request and held my tongue towards Edward, but Alice was completely wrong and out of line!" my passion came out in a rush along with my words. Bella's insecurity stopped my next reply cold. I was overwhelmed and taken aback by such emotions. "What are you thinking, angel?" My need to know was great as was my fear. Bella looked away from me and stared at her hands. She continued to fidget, entwining her fingers and pulling them apart.

"Was she right, Jasper?" her question was spoken so low it could have been confused with the breeze from outside. My heart tore into tiny strips by both her helplessness and her doubt. "Would you have never come to me if Alice wouldn't have left you? I know it's an unfair question and a "what if" but I can't help to think her right." A tear escaped from her jade-speckled left eye. Bella was truly a heartbreaking sight.

I reached out and ran my finger down my angel's flushed cheek. My touching her caused Bella to look up hesitantly, my skin flared with heat from her body. "Believe me when I say that what Alice spoke tonight wasn't the truth.

"But how can you know for sure. You never stayed with her and therefore were able to fall out of love. What if she had never left you?" her eyes pleaded with me in such agony. I found myself becoming a little angry at her questions.

"Bella," the name was a little harsh, "I've answered the question that you asked. Why can't you believe my words? Have I lied to you that often to make you doubt me so?" I immediately felt guilty at my tone when she started to tear up again. I wasn't afraid of Bella's tears and I knew they weren't meant as a weapon against me, I just didn't like when my anger caused her to cry. She relied on me for love and support.

"Listen to me, little one," I started over and took her face between both of my hands, soothing the apples of her cheeks. Her big murky eyes were alive and expressive with what she felt. "I'm not sure the reason that Alice and I lasted so long. I guess my affection for her and my willingness to compromise for the good of our relationship kept us going. Alice was also one to give on some things. I cannot take all the credit there. However, we are so very different. Where she loves fashion, I don't. Where she is happy-go-lucky, I'm not. Alice enjoys pretty things and reading style magazines. She loves to decorate and shop. I'm more content in staying home and being with the one I love. I love being surrounded by things that are worn and made for comfort. I know that our home is decorated modern, but our things are still comfortable, yeah." Bella gave me a smile before kissing my index finger that stroked her bottom lip.

I held back the moan that wanted to sound in my throat, but didn't hold back as my mouth replaced my finger. Her sinuous lips filled my own as we worked together. Bella's mouth always felt completely right on my own and was missed when they were separated. We both sampled the other as our tongues met and caressed the others. Such sweet elegance, Bella tasted of. She only fueled my desire for her all the more. My hand created a life of its own while I feasted on Bella's lips and inner mouth. Her stomach muscles clenched under my light touch and goose bumps appeared on her skin.

"Touch me, Jasper," her words filled my ears and came as a surprise. We had done some things during our make out sessions, but the touching had its limits, mostly due to me. I was, in that moment, totally enraptured by her and the many curves her body had to discover.

I looked up, from my exploration with my hands and mouth, and into her eyes. The whole time I was worshipping my angel's body, her smell had intoxicated me, almost mocking with it mouthwatering scent. I had to hold back several times from letting my mouth wander to where it really wanted to go and sink into her passage that was wet and almost dripping for my tongue. Bella looked almost ready to fly away. Her eyes were hooded and the green that normal shown through her eyes were completely obscured by her murky depths. Her breathing was heavy and her hands were still hanging onto the curls in my hair. I ran my tongue over my parched lips at the picture she created. Her innocence was very much presence, but under her innocence was a woman who had loved what I had already done to her body, and was waiting, almost ready to beg for more if need be, for what I had yet to do.

"Please, baby . . . touch," she asked again. Trust filled her visage and I knew that I had lost. I couldn't deny Bella what she had whimpered and I couldn't deny my body what is now craved so ravenously. I touched her pink-tinged cheek and just nodded. I didn't have the ability to speak in that moment.

I lowered my hand from her stomach pass her belly button, and into unexamined territory. Her curly hair greeted my fingers as I slide beneath her pajama bottoms and into the wetness that awaited me. I slide my index finger in between her folds, not wanting to scare her, but to get her attention. Her folds parted freely as my finger continued to glide to her opening. Bella's head shot up and her eyes closed as she sighed in bliss. I halted my finger, and waited for her to look at me, silently giving me that looked that said _why did you stop_? Bella's head came back down and she gave me what I was looking for. The confusion and almost heartbreak in her eyes spoke to my soul immediately. She thought she had done something wrong, when I was trying to ease her into what I really wanted to do, and how my mouth begged my brain to allow it to consume her.

I leaned forward and pressed my lips to her. Bella wrapped her arms around my neck and pushed herself into the kiss, loosening my fingers from between her legs. Her lips were swollen and I could feel the blood flowing to them as they pressed so willingly into mine. I pulled back, and let my mouth travel to her ear. I gently bit her lobe before whispering to her, "You've done nothing wrong, baby," at my words, Bella arched up into me and I could feel the hardness of her breast as they caressed my chest.

"Then make me do something wrong, Jasper," her own words caused my mouth to fill with venom, and my member to spasm from need of wanting to be inside of her.

"Damn you're so soft angel. I could sink into your graceful skin," I couldn't understand the words leaving my mouth; I was too caught up in my passion for the woman beneath my hand. "So stirring . . . never before you," my speech was cut off by her voracious lips. She seemed to surround me entirely, not letting me feel anything but her. Bella bit into my top lip and moaned as I sucked in her bottom pout.

I finally pulled away, making sure to ravish each part of her flesh that met my lips, wet tongue, and eager fingers. Little whimpers continued to leave Bella's slightly parted lips. Her fingers once again attached to my hair as her fingernails scraped my scalp. Each scratch from her inexperienced and unsure fingers caused me to travel further down until my mouth was at the hem of her sleeping pants. I wanted to hesitate, but my angel arching her back and bringing her scent closer to my nose wiped out the indecisiveness.

My fingers, warmed from her, swiped the exposed skin where her shirt had ridden up. Bella gave a slight giggle at the tickle, but was quickly silenced as my fingers grasped her pants and gently tugged them down. And then all her glory was on display for me to see.

"I love you, angel," I murmured against her left thigh before slowly and sinuously making my way to her center.

_My legs shook as my mind ran rampant with past fantasies. It was impossible, living and being around someone constantly as handsome as Jasper and not have some wicked thoughts. I had envisioned many things, but they failed in comparison to the real thing. His tongue flicked out and immediately touched me in the right spot. Wave after wave of tingles ran the length of my body. I felt my limbs shutter in pleasure as both his hands and mouth explored me so thoroughly. _

I could feel the very texture of her skin as my tongue glided ever so gently, every ripple, every pour, and every bead of moisture. Her core muscles quivered as my tongue tasted her intriguing offering. I knew Bella to be blushing in that very moment as my head was placed between her opened legs. The heat that came from her face seemed to radiate to every part of her body. Her heart beat was strong and a lovely sonata to my ears. It caused her heated blood to rush throughout her flushed skin as it pumped furiously to keep up with her erratic breaths.

"There, Jasper," she cried out in passion. She was beautiful in her exertion and passion. Her voice only caused me to want to ravish her more. It was a mixture of uncertainty and wonderful bliss.

I had always envisioned Bella in the throes of her passion, but my imagination failed in comparison. My kitten was completely enraptured with how my tongue and fingers worked her over. With each suck, nibble, and swipe of my tongue in the right places, Bella built up in ecstasy. Her back was arched off the sheets and her fingers buried in my hair. Little incomprehensible words and phrases continued to leave her wet mouth.

And with one more twirl of my tongue over her nerves, she allowed her zeal to take over.

* * *

After my mouth was well saturated with my kitten's fulfillment, I reluctantly left the scorched haven between her legs and replaced the emptiness with her bottom lip. Bella had worked me over the edge with her conclude that I had even climaxed. It hadn't only been a while for her. The sticky feeling inside my pants was not unwelcome but felt cold against my leg as the rest of my body was thoroughly heated from Bella's passion and touch of her skin. The contrast would never cease to astound me.

Bella opened her mouth further as I sucked her pout. I took my opportunity to corrupt even further. Sometimes, it was as if her innocence's called to me, asking me to sully her pure skin. My tongue found its way into her opened mouth and swirled around the cavern. Bella gasped at the sensation, giving me the reaction I had wanted.

"Taste our combined flavor, kitten," I purred, not at all ashamed at the tone of my voice. "Savor the mixture. Can you taste your release, kitten, the sweet combined with the tang?" I knew my words and question to be vulgar, but something else had taken over.

Bella took over and eagerly sucked on my available tongue. I wondered what she thought as she took in her flavor from her most private of places. The image and the actual action caused me to swell again. I wanted to push into my angel until I had reached completion again, but knew we had gone far enough. My body rebelled against the decision as I pushed into her a few times, my cock twitching with the friction. Bella mimicked my movements before I rolled off of her. If I had stayed, I wouldn't have been able to retain myself. I pulled Bella into my arms and groaned as she settled her body fully on top of mine. She didn't try to grind into me again, but didn't hesitate to kiss my lips once more.

"I've never really tasted myself before," her breath ghosted against my hot neck where her face was buried and our skin touched. I could only imagine the color of her rosy cheeks.

"You taste something divine, angel. Nothing has ever made me so turned on and wanton then tasting your wet center," I had wanted to say something else, but held back. There was probably so much at once Bella could take of my dirty mouth, in more ways than one.

"I'm in love with you," she whispered almost shyly, onto my mouth. Her words were heart-aching, and her actions truly beautiful. I brought her face between my hands, stroking the skin under her tired eyes; I made sure that her gaze was focused on only me. The green in her irises were prominent and seemed to be reluctant to be swallowed by the murky depths. The contrast almost made me dizzy, or perhaps it was the utter love that slammed into me continuously as we became swept into the other.

"I love you more than anything, angel," my voice was grave and filled with a solemnity. Every cell in my dead body wanted to rip out until they were able to touch every part of her. Bella's face, at my words and tone, became transfixed until tears fell from her bottom lashes and onto my fingers that still rested beneath them. "Damn it all, but I love you with everything that I am." I tugged her down by the front of her wrinkled shirt and kissed her bounteous mouth. My passion for her never seemed to be filled and always surpassed my perceived limit.

Before I had lost myself completely and tainted Bella with my sullied, sex-centered thoughts, I pulled back and looked into her half-lidded gaze. It was true when one stated that eyes could become glazed over from passion. Bella's eyes told me that very truth. They were so awe inspiring and made me want to do wicked, sinful things to her already flushed body.

"Why is it our talks always end up with lips being sealed together?" I finally found the strength to stop the small kisses I continued to plant on her puffy lips.

"You say it like it's a bad thing," Bella jested. Her mouth could be delicious even when she spoke, eyes alight with her delight.

"Never, angel." I placed one more kiss to her lips and her collarbone. "It's time to sleep, little one." Bella didn't say anything because her eyes were already overtaken with her tiredness. Her lids started to fall over her slowly-fading passion filled eyes.

"Love you," she mumbled somewhat as an afterthought. My angel fell away into a world far from me.

I worried about her low self-esteem, as I listened to her even breaths. All that could be done was allow time to pass. As it did, all I could do was reassure her with my love and touches. Bella had been insecure all her life, and I knew that a couple of months being together weren't going to instantly cure that. It had taken years of insecurity and vulnerability to build, and it would take time to break down. My love and respect for Bella would give me all that I needed for her to finally become assured. At least I hoped with my being.

My angel was always worth the effort, and nothing would change my mind; not even Bella's inability to love herself and find the worth in her beautiful soul.

_Love more than she'd ever realize. _

_

* * *

_

Author's Notes: Hello loves! I hope this chapter finds everyone well and somewhat happy. I wanted to send my prayers and well wishes to all of those who have been affected by this terrible calamity that had befallen Japan. It is a tragedy that touches so many hearts and brings tears so quickly to one's eyes. May the world be with Japan at such a time and may their woes be taken from their heavy-burdened shoulders.

As for the chapter, I hope it was alright. I know it was long awaited. Life has a way of sneaking up and making the time pass within the blinking of an eye. I have finally moved to my new place and trying to settle in. Things still need to be unpacked, but the major stuff is over, thank heavens . . . LOL. So what did you think of the chapter? Was Alice's behavior predictable or somewhat surprised? Were some of your questions answered, or were more added . . . LOL? How was the lemon/lime? I'm never good at writing these things and hope it was somewhat sufficient or a precursor of things to come (hmm)! Did you like the Jasper/Bella interaction? Let me know, loves! I would love to reach two hundred reviews with this chapter and hope you make that goal a reality! A few words are all it takes . . . LOL.

Again, I hope all is well. If you can, please remember to donate to the cause. We can all stand in need of something sometimes (I'm off the soapbox . . . LOL). Much love as always, darlings.

_Posted: 17 March 2011_


	15. Chapter XV

Disclaimer: S. Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Chapter Fifteen**

_The pursuit of truth and beauty is a  
sphere of activity in which we are  
permitted to remain children  
all our lives.  
- Albert Einstein_

23 January – Monday – Jasper's POV

Being around my family had been more than stressful for Bella as of late. Between the attempted murder experience, the bad mouthing, and just having everyone around in general, it was time for us to be on our own. It had seemed like forever since we had any time to ourselves, and just as a little family. We spent the nights at our home, but frequently went over to my family's house. Bella knew how much everyone loved Cheyenne and couldn't bear to keep her away. She was an unselfish creature.

There were times that I became jealous of all the time my family held Cheye, but couldn't help the smile that always bloomed on my face as the little beauty recognized my voice and would cry out to me. There was no feeling the same or comparable as having a child cry out to have one's attention. It tore at my heart yet filled me with a soft joy. My little girl wanted me as much as I wanted her. Life continued to surprise me as I would my angel.

I remembered the promise I had made to Bella about recapturing our lost childhoods and having those memories together. Tonight I had planned something along those lines and couldn't wait to see the happiness on her face. Her frowns had become somewhat commonplace as of late and never made me happy. As I had always told the angel, her face was created for smiles and laughter. The simplest things could put a smile on her face and I hoped that my surprise had the desired effect; only time would tell.

* * *

Bella's POV

"I hate surprises, Jazz," my voice coming off more whiney then I intended. His laugh surrounded me, tingles erupted down my arms. Jasper didn't even have to touch me, it seemed, to have a physical effect on me. _Some things were just so unfair_.

The winter wind, that was surprisingly mild, whipped across my face. It helped to calm my nerves along with the dreaded pink tinge that stained my face. I didn't need a mirror to know that Jasper's affects on me were visibly shown for the entire world to see. The blindfold continued to block my view as I was lead by Jasper's hand on my back. Cheyenne was lucky to have been so little. She was limited in her knowledge of what a surprise was and how they were no fun. At the mention of my daughter, her coos were heard above the whistle of the wind. Just being coddled in Jasper's embrace was enough to make her talk out loud and never ceased to entertain those around to witness.

"Stop crying, angel, and enjoy the experience like my little Cheye beauty." A scowl was quick to take over my face. I would show him beauty with my ever-living fist up his solid behind. He laughed after feeling my emotions. I was always glad that he could find some amusement from my anger. His lips touched my cheek and helped to dispel some of the lingering cold, but caused me to trip a little.

"I love you all the same." Something else that was unfair, him confessing his love to me and watching as a goofy smile came over me and I fell off my soapbox.

_Dangerous indeed_.

"Fine," I grumbled, but I couldn't hide my grin. We walked a little ways more before something else started to be heard. Light-instrumental music sounded in the night air. I wondered if perhaps, there might have been an ice cream truck around or we were at an ice cream parlor. My excitement, despite my best try, heightened. After my childhood excitement abated somewhat, understanding came back to me. We couldn't have been at an ice cream parlor because Jasper had picked out clothes for outdoor use.

I was apprehensive at first about allowing Jasper to take Cheyenne out at night, but of course that argument didn't last long. One look into his drooping puppy eyes and a suave kiss to my neck had me changing my mind or just forgetting my previous argument.

"_I just want to take my girls out for the evening. Is that so terrible?" His lips continued to trail down my neck, stopping at my collarbone he exposed. His tongue made quick work of turning me into nothing. _

"_Jasper," I cried, both out of aggravation and need for him to continue. _

"_Bella," he purred into the hollow of my throat. I started to quiver as he sucked at the base of my neck. "I promise that Cheyenne will be well protected from the elements and nothing will harm my little beauty. You trust me, right?" As if that was even a question he needed to ask. _

_The only thing I could do was moan as he nipped at the ear he had just whispered into. I found the use of my limbs as I pulled him on top of me and allowed him to continue in his convincing. Who was I kidding; I just wanted his amazing lips to do wicked things to my body. I was a sane girl after all. _

The light tinkling of the music continued and pulled me from my past memory. I was lucky I hadn't tripped while replaying Jasper's immense talents. A giggle escaped my lips at the sheer amount of femininity I exhibited. I had never considered myself one of those girls, but Jasper was more than happy to prove me wrong.

"That's how I like you, angel, laughing and a bit turned on." My customary reaction painted my face. His words were sometimes on the wicked side and never ceased to make me want to squeeze my legs together from the sensation he invoked.

"Not in front of Cheyenne, baby." I was such a hypocrite; I would have gladly allowed Jasper to talk to me in any manner he pleased, as long as I could feel his lips utter the words against my own. His laughter seemed to almost accompany the carnival-like music that floated around us.

"I'll do what I please in front of my daughter, Bella," he said, his voice sounding a little stern. "If I want my little beauty to know how much I love her mother then so be it. I could care less what anyone thought about our relationship." His lips descended on mine, and I only hoped he had a strong grip on both Cheyenne and myself. I let go of my senses and went along where he pulled me, both physically and emotionally.

"Come, angel, lets enjoy your surprise." He kissed me once more before pulling me the rest of the way.

I halted as Jasper wrapped his free hand around my stomach and pressed his chest into my back. I could feel Cheyenne in his arms as her covered legs kicked in excitement. I was amazed she wasn't asleep yet. Being in Jasper's arms did tend to make the female population somewhat excited, even someone as small as our daughter. The material that covered my eyes started to slip off and the silk caressed my skin as it fell to the ground. Twinkling lights filled my vision and made me blink several times. Once I was adjusted to the light, my breath caught in my throat.

"Surprise, angel," came the succulent voice of my love.

My eyes became even wider as my heart filled with immense love for the vampire behind me. Horses and other creatures danced in front of me as the music complemented their movement. There was no one else around us except the conductor, who wore an old outfit that reminded me of old Circus Ring Masters. His coat was red with gold trim and fell over his protruding belly. His black top hat even complimented his walrus mustache. I couldn't help the tears that filled my eyes at the sight. A little popcorn-stand was off to the side and posted a sign that read 'five cents a bag'. Jasper had seen to every detail and once again left me speechless.

"How are you even real?" I was too astounded to even care about tack. Jasper always went above and beyond the ordinary.

"Many think of me as a myth, angel." A shiver raced up my back from his murmurs.

"Their loss is my reward," what else could I say, my vampire was amazing.

* * *

Jasper's POV

"You and Cheyenne first, Bella, I want to watch my girls having a good time and take a few pictures." A little pout came over her gorgeous face that caused me to laugh. She would never master my 'puppy' look. However, points were given to her for effort, along with my lips on that luscious pout. I ever-so gently nibbled on her bottom lip while handing over the bundle in my arms. Cheyenne was still awake, but was gracious enough to be quiet while I paid attention to her mother.

"If you wish, Jazz." Her tongue flicked over my mouth before she pulled away with a victorious smile. Bella had her own weapons against me, and they were more than successful. As I went to follow her and the little beauty, she stopped me with her little hand. "You had your chance, damsel, now you get to watch. Perhaps next time," her sharp tongue cut me so thinly. Damn she was sassy when she wanted. "Come on, darling, daddy wants to watch us." She kissed her daughter's cheek before she allowed the conductor to help her aboard.

I wanted my turn to pout, but couldn't muster the energy. Every time Bella referred to me as Cheyenne's father, I became weak with happiness. Never in my existence would I think of having the opportunity of being a father. My family spoke of Cheye being their link to their previous lives, and I understood. She was more to me, however. She, like her mother, had captured a part of my soul and I had a piece of hers. It was evident in the touch of our skin: she became warm like her mother. How could I not love someone so completely after receiving such a reward?

Bella's light laughs filled the air as she and Cheyenne went round and round on the carousel. I watched them through the lens of my camera as Bella's smile stretched over her face and Cheyenne watched her mother in awe. It was one of the many times that I was grateful for my amazing sight and infallible memory. The lights sparkled around them, bouncing off their faces, and giving the duo an even more ethereal appearance. Bella calmed down somewhat and buried her face in the folds of her daughter's neck.

"I love your daddy so much, darling," she whispered, sounding so much like a girl in love. My heart swelled with the ever present adulation I felt for my angel. "How can one be so very blessed?" she asked.

_How indeed can I be so very lucky? _

After they had gone around several more times and I had finished my role of film, I signaled to the conductor to slow down. It was time to join my most special girls.

* * *

Jasper's POV

"No more, Bella," I begged, being more than aware that I sounded like a three year old not getting his or her way. I hoped Cheyenne never sounded like that when older, but knew that was wishful thinking. I may have been an unrealistic creature, but I was realistic enough to know that there would be times of temper tantrums. I shuddered at the thought.

"But, baby, appearances must be kept. One wouldn't want to give the conductor the wrong impressions." She batted her eye lashes to emphasize her point. I laughed at her antics. I loved her with each moment that passed. "One for me, darling?"

I groaned, knowing I had already caved. "Fine, Isabella, then no more. I have already had my fair share, enough to not raise suspicion."

A grin broke over her face that caused me to groan again. She got her way far too often. My face became a cringe as I opened up my unwilling mouth and chewed the popcorn. It wasn't that fowl tasting, but the thought of having to regurgitate it later made me cringe. Popcorn tasted like little puffs of air, but with a greasy tinge. Bella had over indulged in the butter, but wouldn't listen to my complaints. She just rolled her eyes and added more. If anything, my angel had gumption.

Her emotions changed quickly from complete happiness to contentment. "Thanks for everything, Jasper. I've never really ridden on a carousel, yet alone one that has been rented out for the night. You seem to fill my life with so many firsts that could never become old. I love you so very much!" She turned around in our combined seat and buried her face in my chest.

We had already ridden the horses and decided to sit together on a bench with Cheye sleeping in her arms. Her little chest rose with each deep breath she took. She was hardly visible through her blankets and snow suit, but no less cute. She reminded me of a little balloon with the many layers. Her emotions were also those of comfort and content. I wasn't worried about her being too cold or hot; my little beauty was absolutely perfect.

"What is your most memorable moment as a child, Jasper?" I wrapped my arms tighter around my loves before kissing Bella's cheek. I thought about her question. There wasn't much I could remember of my childhood after being changed. I chalked it up for the supposed gift of a never ending existence. Something had to be sacrificed for the gift and most of my memories had been the price. I didn't ask for my condition, but it didn't change my outcome.

"I can't remember much, angel, but the color of my mother's eyes and the sound of her voice are probably the things that stuck with me the most." Bella's sudden sadness pulled me from my musings and into the present. I hated upsetting her and didn't understand the problem.

"What saddens you so much?"

"I don't know, Jasper," she replied in somewhat of a huff of breath.

"What don't you know?" I tilted my head to the side to study her better.

"I guess it just doesn't seem very fair. You were never asked to turn into a vampire, and for that very reason you cannot remember your childhood, the mother that seemed to love you unconditionally, or even you're most cherished memory as a child. If I could take that burden from you, I would." I leaned over and placed a tender kiss on her moving lips. She quieted down before giving in and putting her own amount of pressure into our shared fervor.

"We are well aware of such outcomes Bella, but you fail to see the bigger picture."

"And what's that?" her voice filled with humor as her eyebrows rose in perfect alignment.

"I wouldn't be here with you if not for being turned." I moved in closer to her face, pulling Cheyenne closer to my body and a little out of the way. She slept on. "There is not one memory I would want to retain if it meant never having you in my life. Nothing could compare to you and Cheyenne, angel." What I had was perfection and moments like these were the epitome of all that I had ever dreamed of.

"Did it hurt terribly, Jazz," her voice had become serious as she asked the question I had been waiting a while for. There was no evading the truth. There were always some questions that one wanted to avoid – such as a child asking where babies come from. In these times the truth was the hardest to give.

"Like a bitch, baby." I couldn't sugar-coat such tremendous and agonizing pain. No lies had slipped through my mouth as I told Bella that every scorch, every knife that seared my veins had been worth the pleasure of having her as my love. I never knew if anyone loved the woman of their choice like I loved Bella. I would give my existence over and over again for her. My thoughts and words may have sounded flowery to those who heard, but they were the absolute truth. I would love Bella until matter ceased to exist and was never organized again.

"Don't think me terrible for thinking I'm happy you're with me. I would never want you to suffer such pain, Jasper, but I also cannot imagine life without you. There would be no me without you, darling. I would have died as a child." I hated to hear or talk about her fragile mortality. It reminded too often of her near death experience. The emptiness I had felt had been worse than my burning.

"Perish the thought, Bella. The world would cry because of your absence." A venom-tear came to my left eye at the reminder. Her little hand stroked the skin on my cheek. I could feel her sympathy on my behalf in having to live without her. Bella's lips fluttered over my own before she spoke her love for me.

"Don't think such thoughts, Jasper. No matter if I had been taken that day after Cheyenne had been born, I could have never been taken from you. The memories we created together, you'll always have in that infallible mind of yours. My soul will always touch yours, and my daughter will always be yours. She needs you so much, Jasper, as do I." I wanted to panic at her words. Something close to panic welled up inside my chest. If I had a heartbeat it probably would have stopped in that moment. Her fingers touched my lips before I could speak. "Don't let the fear and sadness ruin your life, Jasper. You'll eventually sink until there is nothing left."

My hand became a vice over Bella's wrist. I pressed my lips onto the palm of her hand, never wanting to separate from her touch. Every inch of her skin smelt of freesia. It was almost as if we were both in a field surrounded in the fragrance. "Let's not talk of such things, angel." Bella looked as if she wanted to argue, but my sadness must have held her off. My angel's face changed from one of sorrow to one of a quiet joy. The bouncing lights only highlighted her beauty. My little daughter slept on in my arms, none the wiser of our conversation.

"Did I ever mention how terribly handsome you are?" I tried not to look away, but her sudden compliment made me shy. It was something I felt so very rarely. Bella's innocence gave me moments of such purity that were indefinable. I took in her emotions and knew she spoke the absolute truth. Years had passed before I ever became comfortable with my appearance. The scars I have didn't help, for there are hundreds.

"You may have mentioned it a few times." She laughed.

"I'm a horrible girlfriend then, Jazz. You should be told at least twice a day, perhaps even more," she chuckled, trying to speak around her lyrical laughs, but once again sincere. "I could spend the rest of my lifetime kissing each and every one of your life lessons." I knew she spoke of my scars, but had refused to look on them as such. "And then spend my next lifetime kissing your defined lips. What perfection, Jasper . . ."

I couldn't hold off any longer. Her words had such an effect over me. My lips crashed onto hers as I devoured all she offered. I felt somewhat guilty attacking Bella in front of her daughter and the conductor, but the moment called for such affection. "I love you . . ." I all but panted. Everything around us became jumbled and the only thing keeping me grounded was her lips yielding to mine.

Bella finally pulled away, needing to breathe. Her cheeks were deliciously flushed and her eyes glazed. My work had been done to perfection. There were plenty more things I wanted to kiss on her, but the public setting didn't work. It was the first time that night I cursed our circumstance. My angel's forehead landed on my chest and her eyes closed. Her breathing was less rapid and her heart settled once again.

"I'm so in love with you, Jasper, and thank you for such an enchanting evening. It's something that will always have an impression on my heart." I intertwined our fingers together before bringing them to my lips. A comfortable silence took over and we continued to go round and round, soft tinkling music and flashing lights to guide our path.

* * *

Author's Notes: Welcome to the end of another chapter. Even though it was short, I hoped you still enjoyed (hopefully you didn't get a stomach ache from too much fluff . . . LOL). In this chapter I wanted to give our favorite couple something that was both beautiful and romantic – not to mention something considered childish. Jasper promised Bella to help her – and also himself – capture those childhood memories she never was able to experience. Perhaps it may be too childish, but I thought it fun and something different. Love to know your thoughts and general opinion on the chapter. All comments are always welcome!

Goodness . . . this story is now over 100,000 words. It's truly unbelievable how sudden a story can progress and grow out of a single idea that walked into one's imagination after listening to one song. Thanks to all those who read, added this story to alerts/favorites, and review. Your incredible interest and participation is what keeps me writing and loving this story! Sorry for the sentiment, just wanted to make a little side note! *tears*

Also there is a picture up on the Author's Page (or whatever the hell that thing is called) of how I would picture the carousel. This particular one is located in London, but it is still like the one I would imagine. It's quite beautiful.

Hope all is well with everyone and please remember to review! Much love as always!

_Posted: 29 March 2011_


	16. Chapter XVI

Disclaimer: S. Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's Notes: Just wanted to say sorry for not replying to reviews. Had a death in the family this week, and that's taken most of my time and thoughts.

**Chapter Sixteen**

_In time we hate that which we often fear._

_- William Shakespeare_

_I hate and I love. Perhaps you ask why I do so. I do not know, but I feel it, and am in agony. It is difficult to suddenly give up a long love._

_- Gaius Valerius Catullus_

31 January – Tuesday – Bella's POV

"Can you smile for mommy?" I cooed to the little bundle that lay beneath me. Her eyes were bright as the baby blue irises captured the glow of the lamp. Cheyenne had started to stay awake longer and thus spent more time taking in the world around her. She looked up at me while her chubby fists were shoved in her toothless mouth. "Smile for your mommy, Cheye." She continued to study me as if I were out of my mind. When it came to my little girl, everyone was out of their minds. I couldn't fight the smile that came to my own lips at the thought.

"Smile for Auntie Rosie, darling," I heard spoken over my shoulder. I jumped from the unexpected noise. I turned my head to the side and kissed the cheek of my friend. She loved to try and make Cheyenne do things that I couldn't accomplishment. It wasn't done in competition, but more of a good-spirited tussle.

Jasper and I had been spending more time with the Cullen's as of late. We enjoyed our solitude and privacy our house afforded us, but I also loved spending time with my adopted family. I continued to feel bad for the uneasiness that I caused Edward because of my proximity, but everyone had insisted that my being around helped him all the more. I was reluctant to agree, but couldn't keep Cheyenne from their love. They were able to come to our home, but we seemed to lack the square footage for everyone's larger than life personality.

Cheyenne heard Rose's voice and looked over. She stared intently at her, but still hadn't smiled. She was content to just watch the world around. "No better than me, sister dear," I teased. Rose's bottom lip stuck out in a pout. I loved seeing her in such a manner. There were times that I saw her hard side, but most of the time, she came out from behind those walls and embraced what she hid. "Come now, Auntie, Cheye still loves you."

"Of course she does, darling, I am her favorite person in the whole world," she jested. We both knew that statement to be false. Cheyenne was firmly in the grasp of Jasper. Her want for him never tired and only strengthened with time. One couldn't fault Jasper for it; just watching them together and one couldn't help but melt.

"Have you ever heard of a little word called _denial_?" My face split into a grin while her frown became more pronounced. Rose wasn't able to hold it for long before she broke and also started to laugh. Her face became even more beautiful with her laughter.

"Tell me, sister dear, what is it with Swan women and my vampire brother? Does he give off some kind of smell that attracts you?" My face became something I would've title, dreamy. I ignored the internal scolding my brain sent out for acting so flighty over a guy. "Oh, goodness she's sighing again!" my sarcastic sister opined. She had only been kidding, and it made my heart even lighter. I cherished our friendship.

"He gives off his soul, Rosie. How can one explain something entirely sacred? I couldn't even tell you how we are connected, nor would I want to tarnish something glorious with words. It's something one just accepts and cherishes." She looked at me with huge eyes. We had discussed my relationship with her brother before, but nothing to this extent. I hated to label our connection or even speak about it aloud.

After returning to her wits again, Rose smiled a serene smile. "Then he may just deserve both you and the little one." I pulled on a lock of my friend's hair before returning my attention to the little darling in front of me.

Jasper and Emmett had been play fighting in the yard, at Emmett's insistence of course. He claimed to never have a good fighting partner, and Jasper, after getting tired of his brother's whining, had given in. I had watched them for a while, but couldn't stand to see Jasper in violence. It wasn't his skill that repulsed me, but the thought of him getting hurt. It wasn't a rational outcome, but something I still hated. Edward had been busy with his piano, giving off splendid music for us to hear. Cheyenne had fallen asleep in her cradle when we had first arrived from listening to the soothing notes.

Esme and Carlisle had given their love to my daughter before leaving on their date. I thought it utterly beautiful that after many years together they still participated in a date night. Their love was an inspiration to all those lucky enough to observe. It was how I always wished my parents to be. Alice had come out earlier but then quickly disappeared.

"You know, sister," Rose said again, pulling me from my thoughts, "when Cheye is bigger, she'll then realize I'm her favorite person. It's just that now all she knows is comfort." Cheyenne knew more than that, which Rose was more than aware of. But any excuse that made her denial more in depth also made her happy. The Cullen's were just too much.

"Of course she will, Rosie," I mocked-placated her. I patted her cheek and she pouted. It was nice at times to tease my best friend. It happened so very rarely with her because it was usually Emmett that captured that particular attention.

"Is my sister pouting again because my daughter prefers me over her?" I jumped as Jasper wove his arms around my stomach. _Vampires should have worn bells around their necks_, I thought before smiling at my humor. The thought of Jasper in nothing but a bell sent my skin red. The images that man created should have been illegal. "What is my naughty little angel thinking?" he silkily whispered in my ear.

Rose scoffed at Jasper's statement and turned her attention to Cheyenne again as Emmett sat next to her. I willed the pink tinge of my skin to leave. "Nothing that you need to be concerned about," my response was hurried. He just laughed before kissing my neck and leaning over my shoulder. Cheyenne looked away from Rose and into my direction again. I wondered if she was able to smell Jasper near. That was how a child was able to first recognize their mothers.

"How's my little, Cheye Beauty?" he asked the little one in my arms. Jasper never spoke in that high voice that people usually did (myself included) when speaking to babies. He spoke in a voice that was both soothing and low. It had been the very voice he used while she still shared my body. "Were you well behaved for mommy?" It was as if a light was infused in Cheyenne as she heard his voice. It literally radiated from her eyes as she searched for him. And to no one's surprise, a smile broke over her innocent little lips.

_Mission accomplished, with only a few words from her favorite person_, the thought passed through my mind and caused me to smile once again.

"I love you also, Cheye beauty," he whispered into her face that showed him her love. Jasper had become solemn when he saw Cheyenne's reaction. He loved her with his might and still couldn't understand how something so little wanted him so much. Cheyenne may have been a baby, but she had that quality that Mike possessed. She saw the broken parts of someone and somehow filled that void. She became what they missed and needed.

When I had be on my own for the first time and really had no friends, Mike had been that person for me. Jasper was always with me, but I could see him physically. Mike had seen the part that was hidden and broken, and with patience and respect he coaxed that part free. Jasper would probably think that my daughter had somehow gotten that from me, but he would be wrong; one of the only times he was.

I couldn't help but reach out my arm, that wasn't holding Cheyenne, and snake it around our love's neck. I pulled Jasper closer to us and kissed his cheek. I fell for him a little more, watching him as he watched our daughter. Mike was her biological father and he would have loved her unconditionally, but there was no mistaking that Cheyenne loved Jasper with her little soul. Nothing about him would ever repulse her.

"You three are too happy," Emmett said, not really as a complaint but more as contemplation. He held onto Rose from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder. If he could have seen his wife's face, he probably would have said the same to her. She lit up the room with her smile, when Cheye was near her.

"Is there such a thing as too happy, Emmett?" I asked him, a smile on my face.

"I would assume you were more than happy when Jasper took you home, Bella." My shoulder tightened up and my heartbeat all but stopped. The words sounded like pure steel and caused my stomach to hurt. I closed my eyes willing the tears to stay at bay. I knew the words weren't really meant, but spoken in anger.

Alice entered the room and stared at Jasper with his arms around me still. There wasn't a smile on her face, but a sneer. Her eyes looked both sad and livid. She took her eyes off of me and focused solely on Jasper. I could read the pleading and the love she still had for him. It was the main reason I could feel her words spoken out of anger. I couldn't see Jasper's reaction, but could only imagine.

She had been his love for a long time. Their history was more involved than our own. She had been there for him during the darkest days of his existence, and she had loved him regardless. I couldn't blame Alice for her anger because I understood and empathized with her love for him. But understanding her love didn't take away the jealously I felt at their past. Alice was beautiful and at one time Jasper had found her attractive, had made love to her – not just sex. He shared his fears, struggles, pain, and depression with her. But most of all he had shared his heart with her. Their history was there for me to see in their looks to the other.

Even with all the things I knew and the jealously I felt, I could read the sadness in the set of her body and the pain in her eyes. I couldn't add to that. My shoulders shrugged, trying to get Jasper to let go. Our being touchy in front of her only added to the immense pain she felt. Jasper face came into my view. He looked hurt at the rejection. We had talked about this and he understood my positioning. I knew he was hurt, but so were others, and there was only so much I could do. There were too many people to please.

My eyes locked onto his, pleading with him to understand. I sent all my love to him, mixed with the respect and need. My vampire's eyes became less hard and filled with more that I recognized. He leaned over and kissed my cheek. "Only for you, angel," he spoke softly.

A smile came over my face. He was such an amazing person.

"Oh, once again Jasper shows how much he is willing to give into his sweet little angel." I cringed at the comment, but chose to ignore her mean words. I brought Cheyenne closer to my body, as if I were trying to protect her from such words. I hated confrontation and all that it made me feel. "Has Bella _given anything_ to you, Jasper?" she asked, her voice sounding salacious. Once again I willed the tears back. Alice sat down on the couch, making herself more comfortable. She probably knew or sensed how much I felt uncomfortable in her presence. Or perhaps she just wanted to make sure I pushed and kept Jasper from touching me.

Rose scoffing brought my attention away from Cheyenne and to her. She went to open her mouth and retaliate, but I quickly stopped her. I didn't want them fighting. It was the same thing I felt in regards to Edward: I didn't want them feeling as if they had to chose a side. Alice was a Cullen and had been with them for decades. It wasn't fair that they felt they had to choose. I didn't want any part of that chaos or to be the cause of it.

"How dare you make –" Rose was more than angry.

"Rosie," she looked over to me, "are you going to come over tonight and watch a movie with me?" I asked, cutting her off. I know she loved and wanted to protect me, but it wasn't her problem. My heart needed her to be silent. "You can hold Cheyenne the whole time." Bringing my daughter into the situation would have the best affect. Rose couldn't help but become calm when thinking of her. I felt terrible using my innocent little girl, but the situation needed to be diffused. My voice shook, but I tried to keep it calm.

"Bella –" she started.

"Rosie, please . . ." My desperate eyes caught her. "For me . . ." She gritted her teeth, and even my feeble ears could hear the grinding.

"Of course, darling, and you had better keep your promise!" she jested. I gave her a weak smile that she returned. Emmett didn't say anything, but kept his arms around his wife. I wondered if he knew that if pushed too much she would retaliate and swiftly.

I inhaled deeply, trying to rid some of the stress and tension from my body. Jasper placed his hand on my lower back and rubbed little, intricate circles over my muscles. I looked over to him with a happy smile before looking down at my daughter that was waking up from a short snooze. She must have felt the tension in my body and reacted accordingly. I had read that a baby could sense a mother's stress. Causing my little daughter stress made me sad. I gave a kiss to her fat, soft cheeks before handing her over to Jasper. She would find the comfort in him more than me. My body was too wound up.

"Hey, little beauty. Did you finally decide to wake up, hmm, little one?" Her eyes became more focused as she stared at Jasper. Her little mouth opened up as gave a big yawn. In those moments I found her the most precious. Here was this tiny person giving this big stretch.

"She looks so much like you at times, Jasper. It really is amazing," commented Rose, as she looked from Cheye to her brother. When I looked at my daughter at times, I could also see the resemblance. Sometimes she looked more like his offspring then my own. That caused me to laugh.

"Oh, that's quite funny," came the harsh comment from Alice. I immediately cringed, but held my tongue. I turned away from her and sat on the couch next to Jasper. My body language read self-protection, but I cared less. However, Alice hadn't finished. "Bella's illegitimate daughter looks like Jasper, but I would have to disagree."

"Alice!" Jasper said harshly. I grabbed his hand and tried to get his attention back and his temper in check. Cheyenne started to whimper with his angry reaction. She didn't understand the contention, but could feel the hostile emotions around her. Jasper, in seeing and probably feeling her distress, calmed and kissed her face.

"Sorry, my little beauty," he apologized into her neck. My nerves were already fried and I felt as if my body had run ten miles flat out. My heart rate picked up and my breathing started to become uneven. I hated confrontation and everything that went along with it. "Daddy's sorry," he continued to talk to her.

"That right, little pumpkin, daddy's sorry," Alice spoke with malicious words and that was the end of my sanity. My breathing increased two fold and sweat slicked down my back. Image after image started to assault my mind from long ago.

"Bella!" I heard someone yell. I felt as if I were drowning in molasses. Every sound around me was muted and my limbs felt as if they were stuck in the goo. My body started to shake with everything I saw. "Bella!" I heard yelled again, but couldn't register the voice.

"_Pumpkin . . . bird . . . daddy's here . . . pumpkin . . ._" filtered through my mind. I shook my head, trying to dislodge the horrid images that trampled me. My hands flew to my hair and started to pull. I needed the thoughts to leave me.

_Hot sticky breath, body odor, anger, rough hands, words that wanted to make me sick_.

"No!" I yelled, "Please leave me!" My hands started to flail. I needed something that could fight it off, something that was tangible, anything that could take away the fear. I reached out in every direction, not seeing anything but what my mind created, trying to find something to protect myself. Soft smooth glass was the first thing that made any sense to me. "Please!" I yelled again, "leave me."

"_Pumpkin . . . this isn't over!"_ whispered over my face. Something then touched me. My hand grabbed the glass and threw it with all my might. The hand left me for a moment and thick, hot tears poured from my eyes. All I wanted was to be left alone, to have my mind blank.

* * *

Edward's POV

Alice's mind going blank before filling with images is what captured my immediate attention. My fingers immediately stopped running over the ivory keys as I became assaulted with her thoughts of the near future. I wanted to sigh at what I saw, but knew there was no time. The words had left her mouth and couldn't be taken back. With my quick speed, I rose from the piano bench and hurried over to the living room. The sound of glass shattering rang in my ears. Nothing was to be done, except watch another possible relationship-changing event unfold within the Cullen Clan. A heavy sigh left my mouth at the thought of what was to happen.

Over the years, the Cullen family had finally settled down with Jasper's return. There was hardly ever any drama, except for what Emmett had created. Our lives had been relatively quiet and continued to pass with our unlimited time. However, the time that passed now was filled with commotion after commotion. The reality of the situation was clear, humans and vampires didn't mix well. It wasn't Bella's fault that she was human, but it also didn't help matters.

There was one rule that really existed among vampires and it was to never tell them of our true nature. Our entire family was now in danger if the rulers of our kind ever caught on. It wasn't that possibility that caused much contention within our structure; it was my extreme and fatal want of Bella's blood and Alice's jealously that now caused the most prevalent problems. Firstly, Bella had to deal with my attempted murder on her life. She had risen above my terrible crime and done the unthinkable: forgiven me unceasingly. As we came to an understanding and things started to settle again, secondly, Alice came home and started to stir problems.

From reading her thoughts, I could understand her jealously, but that didn't mean I condoned her actions towards Bella. My closest sister had her opportunity and had squandered those chances. It was difficult for her to understand that she had given up her claim to Jasper and any future they may have shared. My compassion for Alice was there, but didn't touch the depths I felt in regards toward Bella. Jasper's love had never done anything to us but share her love and little child. Bella's knowledge of our condition almost didn't matter to her, in the fact it never really registered with her. She was well aware of the dangers we possessed, thanks in part to me, but those hazards hadn't deterred her. It seemed to draw even more compassion from her.

Bella was truly unlike any other and, once again, she had to deal with some drama the Cullen's created in her life. In my estimation, a sane person would have already run for the hills, but Bella didn't fit that particular mold. Her love for Jasper was made more than apparent as she continued to weather the storms that went along with their relationship. Her devotion to both her daughter and Jasper continued to astound me.

These thoughts raced through my mind in the time it took me to reach the commotion. As I arrived, I watched as little shards of glass rained from the air and land on the ground. Little fragments still stuck to Alice's shirt. The glass had come from one of Esme's favorite vases Jasper had bought her. It now lay in unrecognized pieces around the room. The loud and distressed wails of Cheyenne filled the room, her skin becoming flushed with the exertion of her stress and fright. Rosalie had her back turned to the melee, protecting the little child from the falling glass pieces.

"Bella!" Jasper called out to her. She gave no response that she understood him. She continued to mumble things that made no sense to the current situation. I felt an overwhelming need to help her, but knew there was nothing to be done. My role in the confusion was to stay back and perhaps intervene if needed. I had wished Carlisle was near, but it wasn't to be.

Once all the glass had fallen, Rosalie turned back around, but still held the wailing Cheyenne close to her. She tried kissing the little child's cheek and swaying back and forth, but nothing had calmed her. "Bella!" she implored, after seeing Jasper have no luck. Even Rosalie's words had no affect on her.

Jasper had gone to touch her, but Bella had recoiled, reacting as if Jasper would hurt her. A pained expression broke over his face, but quickly changed.

_I love you, Bella, I would never hurt you, angel. Please be okay, _his thoughts screamed. A look of loathing came over my brother's face as he looked over at Alice. She had tears in her eyes, but didn't look away from his scorn.

_I'm sorry, Jasper! I never meant your life to be like this. I never meant to push too far_, she silently pleaded. There was a time that they could look at the other and speak without words, but those times had passed and the sun had set on their past. My heart ached for my little sister, but she had created her own problems.

"Not forgiven, Alice," hissed Jasper. She must have expressed her emotions to him through his gift. She was more than mistaken if she thought something that small would ever make him forgive her. "You'd better hope I can get through to her!" She just nodded her head, her eyes overflowing with venom.

"Jasper!" Rosalie called, getting his attention. "Stop Bella, Jasper, she trying to scratch her skin!" Jasper looked back again and saw that Rosalie was correct.

"I'm sorry, angel. I never wanted to cause you any fear," he apologized at vampire speed. There was an agonized look on his face, and before he started I knew what he was going to do, and the cause of his apology.

Before he could think to stop, he caught Bella's wrists in his hands and pinned them to her side. Bella started to yell in earnest, begging him to leave her. Her screams pierced me deeply. I wanted to cover my ears and turn my eyes from the terrible sight before me, but I had to be there for Jasper. I needed to be there in case he needed my help. The little child's screams were almost as loud as her mothers and made me almost sick. I had an overwhelming need to regurgitate, even though I hadn't eaten anything.

My own memories raced through my thoughts, making me wonder if I had looked that beaten when Jasper had held me down against my own monster.

"Come to me, angel!" Jasper pleaded, tears thick in his voice. Bella continued to struggle against his hold, her throat raw from her screams. "Please, baby, here my voice. Know that it's me, Jasper."

Alice continued to watch the scene and Emmett stood behind Rosalie, looking awkward. My own eyes had flooded with tears long ago as Cheyenne had become inconsolable and Bella screamed for someone to please leave her. Her mind still remained blank to me, yet Jasper seemed to understand where her fright had come from. I also feared that she might have relived all I had put her through. It made something deep inside me hurt.

My eyes stayed trained on the little child. I willed for her to stop crying. I needed her to accept Rose's comfort. I wanted to take her into my own arms, like I had done before, and protect her, but kept the distance. She didn't need someone she wasn't familiar with at the moment. She was distressed enough.

"That right, angel. Come back to me!" he begged into her ear. In what seemed like an eternity, Bella's tears started to stop. Her struggles became less as Jasper still put his weight over the length of her body. Her pleading had stopped and a familiar light started to come into her eyes. "I love you, baby." My heart continued to break at the complete heartache in my brother's voice. It was rare when one saw him weak and almost defeated.

And as if the sun had come from behind a cloud, Bella's voice broke through the turmoil that had quickly escalated with little warning. "Jasper . . . home . . ." seemed to be the only words that were able to escape from her closed throat. Bella couldn't see her love's face because her eyes were almost swollen shut; she seemed to know he was near. "Phil . . . Jasper," she said in a tiny voice that could probably only be heard with Vampire hearing.

The words meant nothing to me, but with Jasper's broken face and Rosalie's pain filled visage, I could only imagine the damage that Alice's uncouth statement had created or brought up with in Cheyenne's mother.

"I know, angel. I'm so sorry, baby." He kissed the top of his love's head before easily picking her up in his arms and heading towards the door. Bella simply whimpered as she snuggled deeper into his arms that surrounded and protected her. "Rose, please follow us home with Cheyenne." Emmett pulled Rosalie closer to his body and started leading her towards the door, behind Jasper.

The front door closed and after a while the only thing that could be heard was the tires as they pealed out of the drive way. I sent my thoughts and my comfort for both mother and daughter. I had never envisioned seeing anything like that and Bella's agony had been unbearable to witness. Not only had she had to deal with me, but Alice's unfounded hatred.

My eyes watched as Alice sat on the couch and just cried. Her body shook with dry heaves, and her thoughts were nothing but a jumbled mess of what had taken place, the horror she created, and the pain she felt when Jasper had spoken to her with such hatred. Something in me wanted to comfort her, but something even bigger held me back. Alice had created her own problems and now she had to live with the consequences. Until she felt remorse to Bella for the hatred and scorn she had unfairly given, then I couldn't comfort my sister, no matter how much my eyes had tear up watching her. The damage had been done, just like the damage in the room.

I tuned my back and sat back down at my piano. My back slumped and my fingers refused to play any notes. Nothing seemed appropriate at the time. My head hung and once again I felt a deep pain inside that I couldn't place. All I knew was it hurt terribly for the pains of my family, and I hoped more than anything that no permanent damage had been created. The Cullen's were everything to me and created an anchor to this trouble existence. I couldn't fathom living without my family.

* * *

Author's Notes Continued: Hope you liked this chapter better than the last. The reviews I got were favorable, but there were few of them. So I hope this one came off well. Hmm, sad chapter for poor Bella and Jasper, and everyone else involved. Sometimes, it's the littlest things (meaning – not well chosen words) that can cause someone to break. Please review; love to know your thoughts on the chapter and also would like to know if you were able to feel the emotions. The last week has helped me to feed into those emotions of sadness (perhaps that why the chapter reflects it).

Also I have a little poll on the profile page – if you have the time, go and vote! It's nothing really special, just about preferences.

Thanks again to all who reviewed last chapter. You always help to lay my terrible fears in the proper place. REMEMBER to also tell your family and friends how much you love and appreciate them. It's terribly important and one never knows the length of time we are granted here. Give your love everyday!

Hope all is well with everyone! Much love as always!

_Posted: 6 April 2011_


	17. Chapter XVII

Disclaimer: S. Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Chapter Seventeen**

_One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. "Which road do I take?" she asked. "Where do you want to go?" was his response. "I don't know," Alice answered. "Then," said the cat," it doesn't matter."_

_- Lewis Carroll_

5 February – Sunday – Jasper's POV

It was very faint, but I could still remember my biological mother telling me 'no' as a child. I had wanted something so very badly, yet she had refused and refused. Being a child and hearing the word "no" was never a favorite pastime. Tears welled up in my eyes before sliding down my cheek. Even the waterworks couldn't convince my mother. She was an almost a blip in my thoughts, but some things never left one's memory. I could see the strain on her beautiful as she watched me cry, her love written clearly on her face.

It was now, as I talked to Carlisle, that the roles seemed reversed. I revered him as a father/mentor figure and held him in high-esteem. It was never easy telling him no (as it had been my mother telling me), but with love outlining my voice, I held firm.

"Could I say anything that will make you reconsider, son?" Carlisle's voice was desperate, but also understanding. It hurt me truly to hear someone so strong and resilient sounding almost defeated. I could feel my resistance slip with each plea that came from him.

"I can't, Carlisle. I need this time away. I need this time with Bella and Cheyenne, alone." My voice wavered and held a pleading of my own that matched the tears in my eyes. I hated to disappoint my father. Even though that wasn't the case, I still felt like I had disappointed him somehow. Carlisle had done so much for me and I repaid him by taking away his daughter and little love.

"It's understandable, Jasper. We all need time away from the realities of our life. It doesn't mean that we are running from our problems, but simply taking a reprieve from the constant swirl. No matter how far we run, they'll always be there when we return, whether in our lives subconsciously or physically. Unless resolved, and even after resolved, our problems have a way of changing us, hopefully for the better." I could hear the smile in his voice. It is what Carlisle had titled the memoirs of my life "Changed for the Better".

The sadness was still present in my mentor's voice. He didn't use it as a weapon, but something he truly felt within his beautiful soul. His love for family stretched to us endlessly. How wonderfully blessed we were to have such a father figure.

"That is does, father. Thanks for understanding my plight. I need to protect my family, and this is a way for that to happen. So many things have been happening around us, and we both need a break. I'm so sorry that you can't see Cheyenne, but I promise to send lots of picture to you, Rosie, and Esme. It'll be like we are there." The words were hollow as they left my mouth, but it was all I could give at the time.

"You do what you need to, my son, and just like last time we'll be here waiting. Our family isn't whole without the three of you, and neither is my heart. Take care of your family, Jasper, and know that I love you all so very much. You're always in my mind, and if there is anything you need, never hesitate to call, yes." I nodded my head, even though he couldn't see me. My throat seemed to tighten at my mentor's love. I felt like that little boy looking for his father's approval. It had been a while since I had felt like that and I appreciated it all the more.

"Always, father. I love you also, Carlisle."

"Could you tell Isabella and the little love that we'll miss them? Also, tell them how much I cherish them in my life and the love I have for them, just as much as you, son. Co . . ." he had to stop because of the thick amount of emotions that clogged his throat. My heart ached at the pain he felt and caused my eyes to tear even more. "Could you do that for me, son?" he asked finally, regaining control over his sadness.

"Of course, Carlisle. There isn't much I wouldn't do for you . . . old man." I joked. Carlisle's affection touched me all the more. Previously, I had felt his love and knew that I held a special place all to myself within him. However, now I could empathize with him truly, and not just with my power. Cheyenne was my daughter, and the love that Carlisle felt for his children was felt within me for my little beauty. He had once said to me long ago that he hoped I would have a child, just to feel the selfless love that is associated with them. I felt that love and so much more.

"Love you, Carlisle, forever," I whispered more seriously before hanging up and willing the tears from my eyes. Bella's laugh filled my ears, along with my daughter's and helped to take away some of the pain I felt in leaving for a time.

My little family was always worth the sacrifice, and my love for them was placed before anything and anyone. I left the office and joined my two beautiful girls in the living room, following their joviality to them.

* * *

Bella's POV

My heart broke for Jasper and all the Cullen's. It had always been my fear of starting something. It was clear from the way Jasper spoke of Alice that she was still in love with him, and with all honesty of heart, I could understand clearly. He wasn't something one could overcome easily. Jasper was one of those unforgettable types, which always created a lasting impression on one's soul, whether it be a beautiful vampire or clumsy human.

Fear had consumed me at the thought of being any kind of contention in their close knit unit. They had been together long before I had arrived and integrated in their lives. Sometimes my life only seemed to cause unnecessary problems. No matter how much I tried to reason with Jasper, he never changed his mind. He thought it his role to protect Cheyenne and me, and that he did almost to perfection.

I wasn't in any hurry for a repeat performance or "showdown" with Alice, but I also didn't want things to fester. My episode at the Cullen's house was mortifying to think about and something I didn't really want to revisit. But I was realistic in knowing that all problems had to be confronted because things could only fester for so long before becoming infected to the point of amputation.

Jasper's voice faltered for a moment as he spoke to his father. The sadness was very much evident, but even his beloved father couldn't change his mind. A line had been crossed in Jasper's view and until he could be absolutely sure we were reasonably safe and respected around the family, we would stay away. I understood his reasoning and respected his decision. It was, after all his family. His voice became strong again as he told his father that we wouldn't be near them anytime soon.

During the time we had already been separated from the Cullen's, Jasper had felt my sadness and the longing I had for them. They filled a void in my life that couldn't be filled with anything else. My love for Jasper was amazing and took so much of me, but even he couldn't sustain my need for some things. My relationship with Rosalie and Carlisle were just a couple. They had become so dear to me in such a short time that their non-presence in my life created an ache. I felt terrible that Jasper could feel that emotion. I didn't want him thinking that he ranked any lower in my life. Besides, Cheyenne, he was the most important.

"mmmbbbm," came the noise from beneath me. A smile stretched over my lips at the sound. My eyes followed the mumbling and looked down. Cheyenne was spread before me on her blanket, lying on her back. Her little chubby fingers were spread out before her, reaching for something beyond her grasp. If I hadn't known any better, I would have sworn that a determined light shined in her eyes as she tried to reach for the lamb that Carlisle had gotten for her a while ago.

"Do you need mommy to get that for you, darling?" I cooed to my little girl. Cheyenne's cheeks were a healthy pink and her blonde wisps were stuck to her forehead from her previous nap. The little one turned at the sound of my voice and seemed to study my face. "Perhaps not, hmm Cheye. You are after all getting so big before my very eyes." The thought made me both happy and sad. I was thrilled she was a healthy and vibrant baby, but the fact that she was growing so quickly made me want to almost stop time.

"bbmmbbm," she cooed again in her baby talk. I laughed at her enthusiasm and her willingness to answer her mommy. I loved this stage of her life and the interaction she now shared with those around her. I bent down and placed kisses all over her rosy skin. At first she scrunched up her face at the intrusion, but soon started to laugh as I made funny kissing noises on her nose and neck.

Her peals of laughter filled the air and helped to take some of the ache from my heart at the family's absence. "You think mommy's funny, Cheye? There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you, darling." I gently reassured her while she basked in my attention and love. The words I spoke were the absolute truth. "Both you and daddy, darling!" I said on a whisper before picking up my squirmy daughter. I kissed her soft forehead.

I missed the Cullen's and loved them truly, but I loved my little family more. Jasper had asked for this time and my understanding. He had given much to me, and I was grateful there was something I could return.

Our little family needed the separation for a time, and I couldn't wait for our vacation. Jasper had promised us a fun time, and I looked to collect on that promise. Goodness the things a mind could think of while having that handsome vampire on the brain. My laughter now joined Cheyenne's, but for completely different reasons.

* * *

Carlisle's POV

What do you want now, Rose?" Alice asked in an annoyed voice. She was sitting in her favorite spot by the window, watching the ebb and flow of life around her. I wasn't in the room with them, but still knew the habits of my family. I wanted to intervene, but knew it would make no difference.

Rose knew my position on confronting her sister, but she still chose to ignore it. Rose also knew Isabella's stance on confronting Alice, yet she ignored it. Along with others in the family, Rose had become depressed at Isabella and Cheyenne's absence. Gone, seemed to be the somewhat soft and loving Rose, which Isabella brought out in her. There was something inside of them both that reached out to the other and brought out the best. With her best friend gone, the one that always seemed to defend the softer side of her, Rose was left unsure of how to proceed. She was hurting and spit that hurt out at others.

She had snapped at us all over the last several days of Isabella's absence, however, Alice received the brunt of her anger. She yelled and screamed at her sister, releasing all the anger and pain she felt in regards to Isabella and herself. I had tried to reason with Rose, even going to the point of yelling at her, but nothing could break the hard exterior. We were well accustomed to Rose's shield that protected her and it was back with a vengeance.

A soft sigh left my parted lips as I listened to the exchange between my beloved daughters.

"I could ask the same of you, Alice. You are the one whom seems to change opinion on a whim. It's quite unfortunate that with unlimited time, even that doesn't wait for you." Rose's voice was scathing, filled with the malice her heart felt. Venom filled my eyes at the hatred of my family and the manner in which they treated each other with. It's what Isabella also feared.

"You don't know what you speak of, Rose, and perhaps you should keep the too gorgeous face out of my business. It doesn't do well to stretch your mind too much, being so shallow and all. You may not like how short the fall is!" The harsh words continued, along with the cracks in my heart.

Soft footsteps sounded near me, and I quickly looked up. Esme's face read the sadness and hurt my soul felt. I opened up my tired arms and welcomed her. My lips placed a small kiss to her right brow after she had settled in. We both clung to the other, fearing for our family and all we had built over the years. It was a difficult lesson to learn, but we both realized there was little we could do. Both Esme and I had yelled, gently pleaded, and all but begged everyone to settle their animosity with the other, but our pleading wasn't heeded.

"I love you, Esme," I whispered into her ear and sighed as she grabbed onto me harder, as if I were her anchor. I only wish I had the confidence she seemed to find in me.

"As I you, husband," she answered. Silence settled in around us as we continued listening to our arguing daughters. We had each other during this rising storm, but we also needed the rest of our family, we just weren't complete.

"It's a fall I would readily take if it meant you staying away from Bella and starting your petty shit with her!" I wondered if venom came out of Rose's mouth with her sharp return. Her love for Isabella was very evident on display. I could almost hear Esme's admonition of "_language, Rosalie_," and clung onto my wife all the more. Our support was tantamount to our family's survival.

"You're something else, Rosalie." Alice all but laughed. The exaggeration in her voice was strong. "Such a hypocrite." I could almost feel Rose's ire grow with each word Alice hissed.

"How the hell am I a hypocrite?" she demanded. I buried my face in Esme's hair and took in her comforting scent. However, this time it didn't have the desired effect. I wondered how snakes had gotten into my stomach and continued to writhe in painful twists.

"It's really quite simple, Rosie, darling," Alice answered in a mock falsetto voice, "you never gave a damn about humans. You treated them like they were scum beneath your perfect designer shoes. Rosalie could never go out of her way to socialize with commoners and those that she considered ugly. She was above everything and everyone." I couldn't help but cringe at the hatred. "You treated everyone with contempt and scorn. You held onto the pain of your past and punished everyone around you for his mistake!"

My breathing started to race with Alice's anger. She knew where to strike Rose and did a very accurate job. I could all but see the steam rising from my first daughter. Alice had unfairly brought up the most tragic part of Rose's past and the mistake I had made in changing her as opposed to her wishes. My daughter had wanted to die, but I had taken that option from her and tried to save her with my venom. Rose had hated me for a time and resented my presence in her life. I had allowed her the revenge she deserved and the space she craved from me. It was a sin and a hurt I would always carry with me. I had taken away my daughter's only choice and that had been to die. Tears continued to sting my eyes. So many mistakes had been made, but the presence of Rosalie in my life could never be considered among the long list. She was one of the love's of my heart.

Ice all but filled the air at Rose's response, "You know not what you speak of, bitch, and I would warn you to shut the hell up!" The line had been drawn and couldn't be taken back. "You're on very thin ice!"

"Can't take the truth, Rose? Your whole relationship with Bella is a farce, anyway."

"Shut the hell up, Alice. I'm warning you. The things you speak aren't true and you have no idea about my relationship with Bella! Just SHUT the hell up!" I could almost hear her shaking with rage. I sat up and pulled Esme with me. I had heard enough and had to intervene.

"I know all too well, sister. The only reason you even accepted Bella in the first place was because of her child. You always fancied yourself a mother and never had that blessed opportunity. How does it feel to watch mother and daughter interact, knowing you will never have that type of bond with her child? Does it hurt as much I see, sister? I see when you hunt on your own and cry for your lost opportunities. Cheyenne will never be yours, no matter how much she may look like both you and Jasper. Life can be too cruel at times!" Alice had finally passed the point of no return and I was too late. Venom obscured my eyes as I full out ran the rest of the way.

The loud cracks that sounded in my ears all but shattered my ear drums. Nothing had really compared to the noise. Along with the slaps that Alice had received at the right hand of her sister, my heart also cracked. Through the outline of my blurry vision, I saw both of my daughters, breathing hard. One had their hand on their cheek, lying on the ground and the other was pointing. Both of their emotions were palpable and almost chocked me as I watched them with a wretched sadness.

Esme gasped as Rose's foot found purchase with Alice's stomach. The crunching noise was sharp in my ears. Alice grunted in pain and doubled over. My heart told me to scold Rose immediately for her actions, but my logical brain overruled the decision. She had a chance to defend herself against the actions of her sister. It ached terribly that violence had taken place between them, but I couldn't intervene. Rose bent down and pulled Alice's head back by her short hair so they were eye to eye.

"Listen, little girl, and listen well." Venom physically flew from Rose's mouth with her immense amount of rage and resentment. "I know very well I'm a bitch and treat others accordingly. I never pretended to be otherwise. I am a vain and self involved person, but Bella has always been different. That is something you cannot understand and have never taken the time to understand. I can stand for many things, but will never stand for our relationship being sullied by your ugly and incorrect accusations. You along with everyone else, sans Carlisle and Emmett, have always thought the worst of me. I never helped to better your opinion of me, but I never truly cared. When a time comes that you were brutally raped and beaten by the person you had entrusted with your love, future, and greatest wish to have his children, then you can trivialize my past. Until then, shut the fuck up." Rose threw Alice's head back and wiped her hand on the denim of her jeans, as if her sister had contaminated her.

"As for Bella, she didn't know my past, but saw past my bullshit and rough exterior. That amazing and beautiful person loved me from the start and only accepted what I gave in return. She somehow saw my PAIN that I always tried to hide and brought it to the surface. She placed my hand over her child that still rested in her body, protected, and allowed me to feel the movements. From the first I have loved that baby. Do I wish she were mine, OF COURSE. Do I love the fact she looks like me, OF COURSE. Do I love Bella all the more for putting up with my BULLSHIT and crazy ideas, more than you will ever realize or I would even want to put into words." . . .

"It's like I told you earlier, little girl, time waits for no one. We may have an unlimited amount of it, but that doesn't mean it will stop for us or bend to our will. It's taken me many, many years to realize that I'm truly blessed and have an amazing family. I'm so much better off than many others. I have taken that for granted for so long, but realize my mistake. With the moving time, I have tried to become better. Bella has seen that potential and without even noticing, has inspired me to see it within myself. I'm in love with that girl to my very core. It may not be romantic love, but it's a love that will never leave me!" The passion with which Rose had spoken with started to fall and was replaced with the tiredness she probably felt. I also felt that same emotion.

"You don't realize your mistake, Alice. Learn from my mistake and learn to let go. Don't waste anymore of your anger on something that isn't a worthy cause. It's a problem and situation of your own making. There is nothing else to be done."

And with that, along with a sad look, Rose turned around and walked away. As she passed me, I lifted my hand and caressed her cheek. My girl had spoken with a passion and with truths that many never saw in their life. She spoke of her pain and hatred. She spoke of the mistakes she made with that pain and how it had taken over her life. I always knew my daughter to me more beautiful on the inside than outside, and she had proved that to me ten times over.

She gave me a sad smile that didn't near reach her darkened eyes. And as if destiny had designed the moment, identical tears slipped from our left eyes and over the bottom lashes. The venom stung with a fiery blaze, but I worshiped the moment. I hadn't cried since changed, and I welcomed the humanity of it with my entire being.

"I love you, daughter!" I murmured to my first changed daughter. She kissed the inside of my hand and I became captured as her venom-tear rolled off her cheek and onto the inside of my hand. It burned once again, but reminded of our once fragile humanity. It was a gift unlike any other.

"I love you also, Carlisle, and thanks for everything. I don't think that is something I have ever said to you, father." A smile touched her lips once more before she let go of my hand, smiled to Esme and left the three of us standing there in silence. I looked over to Alice. She had witnessed the entire interaction, but had said nothing. I could see the many emotions that played over her face.

"I just don't know what to do anymore, Alice." I broke the silence, wanting to get everything done and over with. Sometimes my ideas and notions were as childish and unreal as dear Emmett. "I'm in a quagmire and sinking quicker than I can run. Too many problems are accumulating with no immediate answers or solutions becoming evident." Still she said nothing, even though I sounded more like I was begging her then scolding. It wasn't a lie what I had told her, everything was piling up and conspiring to take away my family. Jasper, Isabella, and Cheyenne were no longer here, Alice was introverted and seemed to only come out of her shell to cause more trouble, and not even Esme could save me from my immense fears.

Alice's silence did nothing to help with my reasoning with her. It only caused me to become more emotional. I knew that my actions were of my own doing, but her reactions caused a negative reaction in me. "WHAT would You have me DO?" I finally screamed, my voice breaking from the strain. Alice jumped at the terribly loud noise. It was the first reaction she had given to me since Rose had slapped and kicked her. The fear and emptiness were horrid to see in my daughter's eyes, but the pain and worthlessness I had seen in Isabella's eyes had been worse.

"Carlisle," she squeaked, as if she had just realized it was me screaming at her. My arms wanted to wrap around her frail-looking body, but my sense of justice wouldn't let me act on it. Violence was never the solution in my opinion and I didn't condone Rose's actions towards Alice, but neither could I ignore Alice's total disregard and unmitigated hatred toward Isabella.

"Yes, daughter, it's me, although I'm almost cautious to even use such a term." Her vast eyes turned to me, pulling me into her pain and loneliness. "I wish to comfort you, Alice, but I cannot do so. It would be unfair to all the parties involved and almost a reward for your atrocious behavior. I cannot be a person that enables your hatred; neither can I validate your actions. I love you still, Alice, and that can never be taken from my heart. However, I'm so severely disappointed in you."

Her eyes were so filled with venom, that I could only imagine the sting she felt. Once again, my heart cracked for another one of my broken children, but I had to stand by my words and convictions. Her tears weren't meant to weaken or persuade me, but that still couldn't heal the crack that continued to slowly tear.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle, for putting you in such a position," she wept. Her countenance told me she believed her statement, but I knew otherwise. She had proven that to me.

"Oh how I wish I could believe, Alice." She went to refute, but I simply waved her off. "You may – as you claim – be sorry for putting me into such a position, but it isn't fully meant." Alice started to curl into a ball again, but I couldn't have her in such a weak position. I deserved more respect than that.

"You know more than others, Alice, that for every action there is a reaction. One doesn't have to be a science major to know such basic truths. Your gift makes you more than acquainted with such a concept. If you would have taken my feelings or perspective into consideration, then your lashing out at Isabella, for no valid reason, wouldn't have happened. Ignorance cannot be claimed for not knowing how I or anyone else in the family would have reacted to you lambasting Isabella. She neither asked nor stopped your vileness, but accepted it with class and elegance. That is something I would have expected from you, Alice, after the many years we've spent together.

"Anger just overcame me, Carlisle. It's like I lost control and couldn't reel it in. I'm a vampire, and yes, we are less fallible than humans, but even that doesn't mean we are free from error. I don't excuse my behavior nor could I claim that I would have reacted differently, but I truly am sorry for putting this family into more turmoil. You suffered enough in my absence with Bella being Edward's singer. Yet here I am causing more pain." As she spoke, it was as if a brilliant and fucking terrible light bulb went off in my head. Nothing ever seemed fair in this existence.

"Perhaps that's the answer, A-Alice," I stuttered, trying to swallow the interfering lump in my throat. Goodness it was tearing me apart, the amount of agony I felt in that moment. My family looked to me for guidance and love, and in my daughter's case I had nothing to offer. Until she learned to overcome her irrational anger and want of Jasper, then I wasn't any help to her.

"What, Carlisle," her tinkling voice sounded, filled with vulnerability and uncertainty. Her hands even shook from her warring emotions. My little daughter looked like a lone leaf that clung to the branch and swayed unceasingly in the wind.

"Your absence," I finally choked out, not stopping the venom that flooded my eyes. It was a stab to my heart announcing those words.

People would have cheered at Alice's pain, and I could understand that, but it wasn't something I rejoiced in. Alice was my daughter and a love of my life in many aspects. She had loved and protected our family. She had given of herself so very often to see to our needs and wants. Alice was loving and kindhearted in her own right. She had fucked up royally, but that didn't stop her from being my daughter. Nor could it ever stop the bleeding heart and love I had for her. We each had our faults and weaknesses as she had stated, but we also had to atone for our actions, one way or another.

"You wish me gone?" was all she could say.

"Never would I wish you gone, Alice. I love you more than myself, as I do all my children (including Isabella). But perhaps the best solution to your anger and rage would be space. This cannot happen anymore, Alice. The price has already been paid and now Jasper and his family are gone for some time. I won't say that Jasper's leaving was your fault because we all make our own individual choices, but it is a direct action to your attitude and continued strife. I cannot blame him, but it was damn painful watching him leave, as it would be you."

I was now tired, and out of energy. I had nothing left to give my falling daughter. I didn't even have the strength to catch her at the time. "I don't know what else there is, Alice, or what other option there may be. I ask again, what would you have me do?" My shoulder and hands rose with the question, as if in supplication.

I took a step towards her, which caused her to finally move. Before I could reach Alice she ran from my sight and out the back door. It had hurt to watch her run, but I also understood her reasons. Esme's arms wrapped around me from behind and I laced my fingers with my wife's. I fell to the ground as my head fell back.

"One step forward, darling, and two steps back. I know it seems impossible, Carlisle, but we will get past this." Her voice was shaky, but I could still hear the conviction as she spoke into my ear. "I have to believe that mantra because I need my family, love. We aren't complete without any part of us." She had spoken the truth and it resonated within my silent heart.

_Please come back to us Jasper, Isabella, Cheyenne. What is the point of this existence without your presences? Just come back to us, loves! _

The words continued to play in my head as I watched the clouds roll by through the clear, clean window.

* * *

Author's Notes: Hello, darlings. Is that karma Carlisle heard when Alice was slapped (hehe)? I'm not one to condone violence, but Alice truly deserved a slap in the face for the bile she spewed at Rose. Some may have been expecting Rose to literally tear Alice's head off, but I think that in knowing and loving Bella, she has learned more about herself. She still went after Alice when Bella asked her not to, but she also restrained herself immensely out of her love for her best friend.

So tell me what you think. I added a lot to this chapter, and liked the way it turned out. Now, darlings, don't be mad at Carlisle. I tried to write him as fair as possible. Remember if anything, Carlisle is the most fair and level headed out of them all (even Bella). He loves each and every one of his children with a passion, regardless of their mistakes. He doesn't condone Alice's behavior and he is disappointed in her, but that doesn't take away from his love. Even though we also mess up, our parent's or loved ones continue to love us in return. It doesn't make our actions right, just real.

My mother was a huge inspiration for this chapter. I've had my fair share of mess-ups, and during the lectures (oh, goodness the long and droll lectures *cringe from thinking about them*) and subsequent consequences, she would reassure me of her love. It's how I would see Carlisle. I cannot think of him in any other way. He loved Jasper after he fell off the wagon numerous times, and he loves Alice too. Just wanted to explain my positioning and reasoning in this chapter, since there was such a STRONG reaction towards Alice . . . LOL.

Sorry for the LONG, LONG (and too drawn out) A/N. Just wanted to thank all who reviewed last chapter! You continue to inspire. Hope all is well with everyone! Please review and let me know your thoughts. Much love as always!

_Posted: 15 April 2011_


	18. Chapter XVIII

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Chapter Eighteen: Conversations during Vacation**

_"Run your fingers through my soul. For once, just once, feel exactly what I feel, believe what I believe, perceive as I perceive, look, experience, examine, and for once; just once, understand."__  
__- __Unknown_

8 February/Wednesday – 2 March/Thursday (Picture of the beach house on profile page)

Bella's POV

"What was the defining factor that made you go all the way with Mike, Bella?" Jasper asked one afternoon, while a costal storm kept us indoors by the fire. Cheyenne had fallen asleep long before; she rested comfortable on her pillow/blanket made bed on the floor in front of Jasper and I. We were snuggled together, while we watched our little girl sleep and the flames of the fire eat away at the logs.

I was taken aback by Jasper's question. It wasn't the directness of the question, but more along the lines of the topic. Jasper was still threatened by Mike and hardly ever brought him up. I lifted my head from his chest and stared at my love. The rain made a staccato sound as it tapped against the window and Cheyenne's little breaths filled the space between.

"Why were you thinking of that, Jasper" I asked, my curiosity getting the best of me. He shifted a little before touching Cheyenne's flushed, pudgy cheek.

He looked back to me again before sighing. His eyes seemed to take on a faraway look. "I watch Cheyenne and see the miracle that she is. I know she wouldn't have been here without yours and Mike's relationship. I'm just glutton for punishment in my wanting to know everything about you, angel." My hand caressed his face, outlining each feature; my handsome vampire, so very wonderful and amazing.

"No you aren't, baby, and there are times I wonder the very same about you. Love for each other grows as one learns about different aspects about one's life. That love becomes deeper as one learns where one has been, what has impacted his or her life and how they rose above said impact. I see you, Jasper. I hear what you've struggled with, and I find myself falling so deeply. Your past has gotten you here, and now we walk that path together, united in our love." He lovingly kissed my lips.

"Would you really like to know, Jasper?" He looked a little hesitant as he pulled out of the kiss and gazed into my eyes. He just nodded. I took a deep breath and thought about what I wanted to tell him, thought about what finally made me decide to love Mike in that respect.

"I had always envisioned remaining a virgin until marriage, Jasper." I started with the truth. "I know sappy and old fashion, but that's Bella." We both smiled before I became serious again. "After what happened with Phil," I gulped. "I thought I'd never be ready to share such an intimate relationship. For a while I was leery of any person of the opposite sex, even Mike." Jasper shifted a little at the name, but I wisely ignored it. Jasper must have still felt some unmentioned emotions where he was concerned. I would not bring up his feelings unless he made mention of them. Some things were better left unsaid until such a time.

"What eventually changed your mind?" was his soft reply. I looked to the person that seemed to touch some aspect of my life for so long. His eyes were guarded, but the curiosity was still written.

"I'm not quite sure, Jazz. My last year of high school was definitely out of the picture. My first kiss with Mike was my first affection I ever showed to a boy. It was his patience and my unending trust in him that finally opened up the closed gates." I hated being so candid with Jasper, especially seeing such sadness from him, but some things needed to be said, and he had asked.

"After the kiss was over, we went back to being friends – as if nothing happened. I wasn't as frightened anymore. I had contemplated getting professional help, but didn't have the money. I read lots of books and wrote my misgivings out on paper." I could read the next question from Jasper's body language.

"No, I didn't keep any of them. Once I started feeling safe again, and more secure about my surroundings, I burned the pages. It was like some kind of cathartic moment: the fear had finally left and I was once again free."

Jasper gently took my hand in his, careful not to make any sudden movements. I wondered if he thought that my reliving the healing moments (as I had labeled them) would reawaken the horror I had felt from Phil. His lips touched the center of my palm, infusing his love into my skin. I couldn't help but fall deeper in love. Everything about the moment was tender and I stored in the recesses of my mind.

"My birthday finally came around during my senior year of college. Almost four and a half years had passed since my first ever kiss, and not once had Mike tried anything. Other guys tried to get my attention, but I had other things to worry about, my scholarship and grades being top of the list. Mike did help to create some buffer, to which I'll always be grateful." I smiled at Jasper's disgruntled look.

"As will I, angel." I kissed his chest where my head lay. I looked up at him again and continued.

"That night, nothing was set in stone. Mike and I attended the frat party and danced to a song. Nothing had been the same after that. Watching another girl dancing with him opened up something inside me. You know what happened after, Jasper, so there's no reason to rehash that topic." His face only showed his thankfulness. I wasn't quite finished; he had after all asked me a question.

"I finally felt completely and wonderfully safe. Mike was there and the moment just presented itself." I stated quickly, wanting to get it out before he changed his mind. A tear formed in my right eye as I told him the rest. "Jasper," he looked more deeply at me, "I had envisioned you being my first." My face became red with the confession, but Jasper's face became both intense and almost light by the confession. He kissed my hand while never taking his eyes from me.

"I was a silly little girl when we first met, but I turned into a woman, as life does for all females. My affections for you turned from childhood hero to a teenage crush to much longing for more. I always held the belief that we would see each other again. We would see each other, the music would play and we'd become entangled in an epic kiss. We'd date, marry, and on our wedding night, I'd give you my greatest and most cherished gift. But in that moment, standing there with Mike and his ever present love, I had let go of those romantic notions and faced reality. I didn't really think about it, something inside me left and I took the plunge. I did love Mike, but I loved you first, Jasper. A part of me cried that night Mike and I were together. He kissed those tears from my face, but they weren't his, Jasper, they were always yours."

Jasper's eyes had become clouded with his venom. His mouth was set in a sad frown, and his forehead creased. My arms ached to take him in, but he had to make the first move. I had bared my soul to him, and I needed my love to be okay with it. During our conversation, I had moved out of his embrace and sat to his side. It wasn't intentional, but almost natural, as if I were giving him the choice.

My vampire never ceased to let me down; his shaky arms reached towards me and I willingly fell into his outreached arms. I didn't care about hardness or bruising, I just cared about being close to him. My face became buried in his chest as his face became hidden in my hair. We both clung to the other, never wanting to let go.

"Damn it all, Bella, but I love you so very much! How could my life ever function without you, angel?" His words were spoken in a harsh and pained voice. I wondered if it was my confession or the amount of emotions that rushed from me into him which caused his voice to sound different. "My life has been shrouded in darkness from the time you were taken back home. That night, when I first saw you in the hospital, my tilted world came back to its rightful position. The darkness lifted, Isabella, fleeing from the light you always provided me with. I fell so very hard for you and my love could have never been covered again by the darkness. I speak such words, angel, but I mean them with my damaged soul."

I removed my face from his silent chest and watched as he poured out his feelings. Each tear that fell from my swollen eyes were a testament to my returned adulation. The correct person leaned forward and kissed the saltwater that ran down my skin. "Little angel," he whispered as he dried my tears, "my love."

Without needing direction, my fingers wove their way into his blonde curls and savored the texture. My cheek rubbed against his, capturing the heat our bond created. And before I felt as if I would internally combust, our lips met in that timeless dance. They caressed and shared the secrets of time passed. The kiss wasn't rushed or frenzied, but slow and deliberate. Each stroke of our skin touching was felt; each pass of our tongue over the other was relished. The moment was breathless, caught in a time that would never be forgotten or recaptured. It was a moment unto its own, perfect in its own right.

* * *

Bella's POV

"Do you think Cheyenne will learn to hate me when she gets older?" he asked as we walked the beach one afternoon. The clouds were prominent in the sky, and the temperature was unseasonable warm. We still donned our coats, scarf's and gloves, more show for Jasper, just to be on the safe side. I didn't want Cheyenne getting sick.

"Why would you ask such a silly question, baby?" His reasoning didn't make sense to me. There was no reason for her to ever hate him.

He looked at the little baby that was strapped to his chest in her holder, a hat covering her blonde hair and ears. She watched him intently as we continued our afternoon stroll that was basked in softness.

"When she learns of my past and the lives I've taken, I fear she will hate me." The sadness in his voice was real and almost enough to touch. I hated to see such a defeated attitude in him. Jasper was always strong and the rock to which I leaned on so heavily. Before I could answer, he continued. "Children may have been off limits to me, but I killed those who were someone else's children. As I hold and love Cheyenne, I only wish for her health, protection, and eternal happiness." He touched her cheek and she tried to put his finger into her mouth. I smiled at her antics.

"I took away those people, Bella, who maybe had the same goals and aspirations for their children, or perhaps their parents had the same for them. How could she ever forgive me?" He was truly in pain. I wrapped his waist in my arms and he put his arm around my shoulder. I was happy he didn't pull away.

"It was in your nature, Jasper." I responded passionately. I needed him to understand and grasp the issue. He went to argue with me, but I couldn't stand to listen to his reasons that made no sense.

"You never knew any better!" fervor infused every word that left my mouth. The beach was deserted and for that I was thankful. "How can someone be held accountable for not knowing the difference between right and wrong. Vampires drink human blood to sustain themselves, baby. Yes, some are more barbaric as you have explained, and there may have been times you weren't the most empathetic, but you tried to ease their burden. You told me this and I believe you. Depression setting in on you after a time, showed your listlessness with your situation. You had to take lives because you had to eat. You knew of no other way. Mourn for those people, Jasper. I'm preaching to the choir aren't I?" He didn't reply.

Silence.

I wondered what he was contemplating.

"Those lives I took after knowing another way weren't right and –"

"Yes, Jasper, you knew better and made costly mistakes, but nothing can be done!" I cut him off. My voice was harsh, but I hated seeing and feeling him in pain. Cheyenne had become quiet and just laid her head onto Jasper's chest. I wondered if he focused on her heart beat. He always said that our hearts were the music to his soul. "The lives are gone, baby, but your still here. You've made restitution, the best to your ability. By becoming a doctor and giving so much service as you've done, you're on that path, Jasper. I can't pardon those lives, because I don't have that right or capacity. However, I have my love, which I chose to give you freely. Nothing could take away my devotion and affection for you." His arm tightened around me before he bent down (making sure to hold Cheyenne's head stable) and kissed my lips.

We stopped walking and I aligned our bodies closer. I made sure he could see the truth in my eyes.

"What have I ever done to deserve your respect and love?" He kissed my lips again as he murmured the words.

I pulled back before speaking, "Nothing." Surprise showed clearly on his visage. "You didn't have to do anything to deserve my love, Jasper. If I can't accept you, faults and all, then I never deserved you to begin with. However, it didn't hurt that you saved my life, stayed in my soul during the hard and scary times, found me again, always been my friend and comforter, and simply loved me in return!" I joked, but meant every word.

His fingers traced the cheekbones under my eyes, almost reverently. He looked as if he were worshiping every detail of my face, taking into memory every pore, wrinkle and imperfection with Cheyenne in between. I took the opportunity to finish, "Cheyenne will always love you, Jasper. She may be frightened a little when she learns of your past because it is filled with some tragedies, but she will continue to love her father. She will respect you for telling her the truth and allowing her to love every part of you, Jasper, scars and all."

That afternoon, the clouds blocked out the rays of the sun, but that was okay. They could never contend with the smile that exploded on Jasper's face. I knew he still held some fears, but I hoped my words had helped to align some of his insecurities. My vampire's hurt was my own, and his fears were felt in me. I wanted him to laugh and cry in the happy times. Jasper lowered his forehead and rested it on mine.

"I'll love you to eternity, angel; broken parts and all." His mouth took mine with a force and sealed his promise. I buried that promise in my heart and returned his kisses with my own strength.

_I'll love you also, Jasper_, I thought, my mouth to preoccupy to even speak.

And that was okay.

* * *

Bella's POV

"You cheat, Bella _angel_!" he exclaimed, the word _angel_ being spoken as if it were dirty. Cheyenne had already fallen asleep and put into her room. Jasper and I sat by the ever roaring fire and played card games. He could never get over the fact that I had beaten him.

"You just can't be man or vampire enough to admit I'm better at Poker," I challenged. We had been playing for the last hour and Jasper had yet to trump me. It wasn't as if he really lost. We had bet kisses, and every time I won he was rewards quite accordingly. I could only surmise it was more his pride in the game then the reward that made him pout like a cute little boy.

He looked affronted by my comment and stuck his lip out even further. I loved him so much in that moment: his beautiful face highlighted by the soft glow of the lamp, his hair in disarray from his agitated fingers running through it, his skin and toned muscles outlined by the flames of the fire, and his love and humor shining in the glory of his eyes.

"I'm more than man enough!" He wouldn't have heard an argument from me. "You must cheat somehow. There is no one whom can be me."

"Except Esme," I reminded him, just for kicks and also because I loved to see his bottom lip pout. It made me want to play with him all the more. "I guess since your losses aren't rewarded well enough, I'll just have to stop." His bottom lip immediately came in at my words and he sat up straight.

"You wouldn't," he threatened.

Hmm, how well he knew me, but who said I had to tell him he was correct.

"Try me, baby." I raised my eyebrows to prove my point. A light came into his eyes that had nothing to do with the glow of the lamps or fire, but everything to do with the challenge issued.

Jasper got on his hands and knees and started to craw towards me, from around the coffee table. My heart rate accelerated at seeing his beautiful and well defined body coming towards me. I instinctively backed up as he slowly inched forward. I swallowed hard as his face became more serious, the closer he came. My back hit the couch; I had run out of room. Jasper had finally caught up to me. I was still leaning back on my hands with my knees pulled up to my chest.

"Damn, angel, I do love seeing you cornered, especially and only by me," he murmured in a somewhat possessive voice. His face was intense, but not scary; it only showed his desire. I shivered from his want.

"Watch the tongue," I said with false bravado, my unsteady voice giving me away.

"That's something I cannot do, Isabella," my name rolling from his lips like a sweet prayer, "It wants to do many things to you: lick you, taste you, rub every inch of you." My body all but melted at his words. I couldn't believe I wasn't in a puddle.

"Jasper," I squeaked, trying to hide my blush.

"Bella," he answered, his tone deep and hoarse. Jasper had finally reached me; his body crawled over my bent knees and encased me. His chest aligned with my knees and his arms touched my arms that still kept me up, barely. When his face was within an inch of mine, he spoke once again, "I love you."

Tears came to my eyes as I leaned in and kissed his sweet lips. I couldn't help the desperate moan that escaped. My love for him was just under my skin that all but threatened to burst out. My hands had ceased to hold me up as Jasper took me into his embrace and flattened me against his chest. My knees flattened out and wove around Jasper. I tightened my legs around his waist and held on as he laid us both down on the plush carpet.

His lips found their way to the juncture of my neck. He licked and played with my pulse point. It became erratic as he ever so gently bit down on my collarbone then kissed the spot tenderly. Jasper was painstakingly slow with each move of his lips that glided over my exposed flesh. When he had finally gotten to the swell of my breast, he moaned and sent delightful shivers down my arms and stomach.

His hands caressed the skin on my tummy, making his way around my belly-button and over the undefined muscles. My own hands worked the contours on the back of his arms. His skin was hard and demanding, but still seemed to accept the touch. My fingers worked under his t-shirt and onto the smooth planes of his back. His little hairs were felt on the ends of my fingertips, and his muscles rotated with each movement he made.

My lips sought out his again, needing to take in his sweet taste. Our tongues worked together as we both moved in an uncontrolled rhythm. His teeth, the inside of his cheek, his gums, and his velvety tongue all had his signature taste, and caused me to moan. And when Jasper's hand finally clasped over my chest, a cry broke out.

Cheyenne had woken up, and wanted some comfort of her own. Jasper collapsed onto me and we both laughed and growled at the interruption. Jasper's was more of a defeated moan than anything else. He nipped at my neck again as I laughed at his antics.

"Your daughter has terrible time, angel." He continued to suck on my skin.

"Your daughter wants her daddy's attention. I can't help that, baby." He raised his head from where it was hidden and gazed into my eyes.

"My daughter," he whispered, the sound floating gently into my ears. The sound was glorious. We shared many emotions and unspoken words in that gaze. He mouthed his love to me once more before going to get the now wailing baby at vampire speed.

"No more, cried Cheye beauty," he spoke to her affectionately, every word carried to me over the monitor. At hearing his voice, or perhaps being in his arms, she quieted down. I could hear as he made his way back down to me.

_I loved my family beyond belief. _

* * *

Jasper's POV

The time had passed and our vacation had come to an end. I walked out to the porch and sat in one of the available seats. The view was amazing and the water as it touched the sky in the horizon, painted a picture of serenity. A smile touched my lips as I watched Bella sleeping with Cheyenne in the hammock. Bella had giggled with joy when she had first seen the hammock upon arrival. We had spent time together in it during the first day and there she started to speak about dreams.

She confided in me that she had always wanted one as a child. She spun for me _an image of a father sleeping in one. His daughter would watch as her hero slept peaceful in the gentle swing. The little girl would fall in love even more with her daddy because she was after all a "daddy's girl". How could she not be? She would make her way onto the swing and lay her young head on his chest. His heart would be steady as it beat in the calmness of the afternoon. The little girl's eyes would close as she spoke of her love for daddy and how much she never wanted the moment to end. The father would smile and fall back to sleep with his daughter secure in his arms, knowing all was right in his world for that peaceful moment. His life was once again defined by one of his greatest treasures. _

The words she had spoken to me that first night would always remain. My beautiful Bella, always so innocent in her own right.

I watched as Bella and Cheyenne continued to sleep on the hammock. I looked to make sure the heater was on. Even though the weather had been unseasonably warm and they were both dressed appropriately (even covered with a blanket), I never wanted them to be cold. The two loves of my existence were everything I could have ever wanted.

_Sleep my beautiful angels. _

It had been a hell of a vacation, and something that was well needed. Bella and I had touched on many subjects that may have been taboo in other relationships, but only proved to strengthen ours. We still held our doubts and sadness about the other past relationships, but that was also fine. We were just sad we hadn't gotten to experience those moments together.

I could never truly resent Mike. He had given many things to my angel that I couldn't at the time. I would have been a complete bastard if I couldn't realize and have thankfulness in my heart towards him. He had also given me Cheyenne. I wished more than anything that she carried my DNA, but it just wasn't to be. I, however, had something that Mike couldn't: I had my daughter's present, future, and memories we made together. I also had a part of her soul within me. Nothing could ever touch our bond or take it away. Her part of me was very vital and only grew with time and affection for my little beauty.

My girls continued to sleep and I thanked every God above the heavens that Bella had returned to me and loved me with all she had. My angel had not only given me a part of her beautiful self, but she had also given me a daughter. Cheyenne was perfect and I loved her truly. I had a family that loved me unconditional – even if we were having our struggles – and a love that was also my best friend.

Our solo time together as a family had come to an end, and even with its perfection, we both knew it was over. We were now needed at home and things had to be dealt with. I only hoped that distance had cleared everyone's head and attitudes.

Bella had said she missed the family and I knew she spoke the truth. They had become a part of her and she needed them.

"Please help us to make amends, anyone that's listening to me and wants to spare a miracle." I didn't have any right to ask, but it was in the name of my love, daughter, and family. I looked into the dying light of day and listened to the heartbeats of my girls. The passion of the sunset made me think of the passion that Bella and I had shared the previous night. We had finally given ourselves to each other and it had been as beautiful as I had imagined. I allowed the imagines of the memory to lull me into the moment along with the beauty of the sunset.

_They were the music to my soul._

* * *

Author's Notes: _Happy Easter_ to everyone who celebrates the holiday. Hoped you liked the chapter. I know it was more of a filler, but I still enjoyed writing it – and it sets up the next chapter perfectly (I think you can guess what is going to happen . . . LOL).

Thanks to all who reviewed last chapter. Loved the comments and the emotions put into each. The passion for the story is brilliant and touches me truly. Also thanks to those who have added me to their alerts and favorites. Hopefully the story will continue to live up to the hype. To all those wondering, the story looks like it will be around 40 to 45 chapters. I have an outline worked up, but not broken down into individual chapters, but it still looks to be around what I previously stated. Just a useless fact to take as you wish (I think I should stop typing now . . . hehe).

Anyway, I would love to reach two hundred and fifty reviews for this chapter. Please take the time and let me know your thoughts. I know this chapter was somewhat boring, but I'd still love to know . . . good, bad, dry, funny, heartwarming, needs work . . . any opinion will suffice (except completely cruel and spiteful).

Thanks again, darling. Have a wonderful weekend and much love!

_Posted: 24 April 2011_


	19. Chapter XIX

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's Notes: This chapter gains the "M" rating for this story. Just a warning for those under age. Hope you enjoy, loves!

**Chapter Nineteen**

"_The human soul, as a part of the movement of life, is endowed with the ability to participate in the uplift, elevation, perfection, and __completion__.__"_

_- Alfred Adler_

1 March – Wednesday – Bella's POV

"It's almost difficult to believe Cheye is already four months and counting. I feel like I just found out I was even going to have a baby. My life seems to pass so very quickly and yet you have an unlimited amount, Jasper." I looked into her contemplative eyes, before lifting her chin in between my forefinger and thumb.

"What is that mind of your referring to, angel? What's with all this "time" talk?" I smiled, not being able to fight my love of Bella's curiosity. Bella licked her lips. I reached out and felt her rampant emotions, everything was a jumbled mess.

"W-Well, I was wondering how you are able to deal with the entire time passing and it being limitless for you." She bit her bottom lip. The frustration ran off her in waves. Before I could answer, she continued, "I know you further your education, but do you ever feel like you have any progression, or that you are completely stagnant? Do you ever become tired of anything? We humans fear death (at least most of us) and with you that likelihood isn't really a possibility. From what you've already told me, it's very hard for a vampire to die." She shuddered at the thought.

I was still confused by the direction of questions and little speech, but I answered her to the best of my understanding.

"I can't speak for others of my kind, but at times I have felt like there has been no progression. Some of us keep track of our passing time with how many killings we have under our belt." Bella shivered at the truth, but I never wanted to sugar-coat the truths and nature of my kind. "When I participated in the wars and all that shit, depression smothered me easily in darkness. Sometimes my life was only defined by how many newborns I was able to destroy, or how much territory we were able to gain through our ongoing wars. It was never an easy life, Bella, and never for the faint-in-heart. If I never performed to the best of my ability, I would have also been destroyed." It was a hard reality to swallow, but there nonetheless.

I brought my girl's hand to my lips and kissed it, wanting to sample something not tainted by such destruction. My cheek rubbed against her tiny hand that was placed on my flesh.

"Sometimes," I started more out of remembering then wanting to finish, "when the killings for the night were done and the screaming had stopped, all that surrounded me were the smell of death and silence. I'd lie under the night stars and feel absolutely nothing. I'd lift my arm above me and count the new scars I had added to my collection. Maria had cherished my scars, calling them my 'shield of triumph'."

"I'm sorry, Jasper," Bella profusely started to apologize, her guilt pressing into me from all side. "I should have never even brought up the topic! I hate to see such despair on your face. I didn't mean to make you relive such painful memories!" I rolled onto my side, grabbing Bella's face between both of my hands. I rubbed underneath her eyes, where the light of the moon touched.

"There's nothing to apologize for, Bella. At times, it is painful to remember the monster I had become." She started to shake her head in defiance, but I tightened my grip slightly. "Yes, baby, I was a fucking monster. I hate having to tell you such things about the horrors of my past, but in telling you such things, you get to see my progression, yeah?" Tears started to leak from her green-speckled eyes. The pad of my thumb wiped at the spilled water.

My angel's face turned from one of sadness to shaky trepidation. I could feel her resolve strengthening, the more I stroked her skin. Her little uneven breathes hit my hand, imbuing my dead flesh with her fragrant freesia.

"Bella," I rasped, finding it difficult to control my own unnecessary breaths. Her tiny fingers wrapped around my hand that had stopped caressing her skin.

"Let me kiss you, Jasper," she whimpered, her voice quivering with both fear and determination. I wasn't surprised by her request because we had gone past that particular stage. However, this request held more meaning. Her eyes spoke of the desire and her yearning to heal my bandaged-over scars.

My past and I had come to an understanding long ago. There were times that my peace over my long ago mistakes resurfaced, making it difficult for me to even cope; sometimes making it hard to even breathe past the huge lump in my throat. But after Bella had come back into my life, those moments were easier to overcome. They still appeared, but having her in my presence and taking in her beautiful –both inside and out – countenance helped to quell those moments into silence. Bella helped to quiet many of my fears.

"Kiss me, angel, anyway you please!" I murmured huskily into her ear. The heat from her cheeks radiated into me and her shy smile pressed into my neck.

* * *

"Bella?" I gasped, trying to control whatever she wasn't making me feel. My angel's lips had somehow made their way down my throat and onto the plain of my stomach. Her lips caused me to inhale sharply as her tongue darted out. I couldn't imagine where my timid little Bella had gone.

"What, Jasper," she answered between licks to my warmed skin. Goodness, her mouth was errant. "Do you not enjoy my mouth on you?" Her lust filled words caused me to spasm, almost painfully.

"It's not that, angel, but we need to stop." I closed my eyes and tried to think of things that didn't stir my libido, like Bella's flesh that came to life from my fingers. I missed the look on her face because of my eyes being closed, but her emotions couldn't be ignored. They were much too forceful.

My eyes opened to see her dimmed ones. The light had quickly faded and was once again clouded with doubt. I wanted to growl at her misunderstanding and unwillingness to believe my words. This was the precise moment I had stopped.

"You don't want me," she accused wrongly, trying to hide the hurt written on her face.

There was only so much my patience with her lack of self-esteem could handle. Before she could even utter another incorrect word, I picked her up and placed her under the length of my body and pressed my lower half into her roughly. I hoped she didn't bruise from my hurried placement of her body, but would kiss them better if she wanted.

Bella had let out a little screech from her surprise but I silenced it with my rough kiss. I wanted her to know my desire, my yearning for her that percolated directly under my skin. I listened for the little beauty, making sure she was still asleep and her mother's fright hadn't woken her.

"Does that feel like I don't want you, angel?" my gruff voice asked Bella as I pushed into her hard. She responded in like by arching her back and bring her center closer to my growing erection. The things she created in me, and yet she questioned the effect.

"No, Jazz," her lusty moans filled the air around us and combined with the heat that crackled above. "I can feel you more than adequately."

I couldn't help but to laugh at her statement. It helped to clear my mind from her hands that roamed over my backside. Her hands were more than adventurous, yet Bella herself was shy almost to a fault. This different side of her could be entertaining at times, when her hands weren't causing my groin to twitch even more than it already was.

"I need you to know that I'm completely in love with you, kitten, and that cannot be taken away." Bella had me so worked up that I couldn't help but call her the nickname that came to me when I was my most aroused by her. I kissed her available neck that was tilted to the side. "I love . . . you." It was difficult for me to speak while partaking of her flesh.

Once again, things became hurried as I filled my body and mind with my angel. Her hands found their way into my hair and lightly pulled as I sucked on her collarbone.

"It's too quick, Bella. Wouldn't you rather wait until we've had more time together?" I asked through my thick breath. It was amazing what a simple kiss from her could do.

"Jasper," she moaned, like she was aggravated with me. "We've been together much longer than you are actually counting." I gave her a confused look and she smiled at my misunderstanding. "Just because we haven't been a couple in all the time we've known each other or together in person, doesn't mean we haven't been together, baby. You've been with me in every step of my life since you saved me. Days never passed where you didn't wander through my mind, heart and soul. Our bond was never diminished, but strengthened. You were always with me, darling!"

Arguments entered my mind, urging me to fight her. However, by simply looking into her I couldn't refute the truth. Bella's expressions were from deep within. Her big murky orbs focused on me, willing me to see the genuineness she pushed at me. One couldn't refute truth when it stare one in the face so blatantly.

"Are you absolutely sure, angel?" I asked once more, my voice sounded weak and resigned. I couldn't refuse her anything at times.

Bella didn't speak, but her eyes and mischievous emotions told me everything. My angel picked up my hand and placed it lovingly over left breast. My hand molded to her rising chest, feeling the pounding of her heart beneath the thin flesh.

"It's yours, Jasper," she murmured, her breath ghosting over my parted lips. "It's belonged to you always." Bella utterance was my downfall.

My parted lips hurriedly sealed to hers, capturing her words on my tongue. Her little squeak of surprise sent vibrations through me as I swallowed our combined taste.

There was nothing left to argue, but plenty to take and offer in return.

* * *

"Mm, angel, I want to make you do something more than wrong," I couldn't keep the words to myself any longer. They longed for Bella to know. "I want you screaming my name as I make you feel so wrongly pleased. I want to show you both the good and dark side to me, angel, and then I want you to decide how very wrong you want me to be with you." I murmured into her hot ear as she moaned and shuttered from my breath hitting her skin.

Her breast pushed further into my chest as she wrapped her legs around my back. I could feel her dampness between her legs that already arose from my mouth, hands and raunchy words. I knew that my mouth wouldn't wait much longer. I trailed my way back to her face, and kissed each of her closed eyes, before I asked her to open them.

"I want to taste you, Isabella. My mouth wants to suck on you until there is nothing left, but what I choose to leave behind. My tongue wants to fuck you, angel, and then I want too. Will you allow me to taste you?" I softly asked, telling her the whole brusque truth of what I wanted to accomplish. Her face showed her pleasure at my words, but I could also see some fear.

"I would never hurt you, Bella. You ask me to stop, and it goes no further," I assured her.

Bella looked at me with her exquisite face and it became more flushed than before. I already knew what she was thinking before she even said it; her blush gave it all away.

"I know you'd never hurt me, Jazz, I'm just scared by how much I want you to do all that you said to me." Her honesty made my member spring to life even more.

All I could do was kiss my angel's honest mouth. I brought my hands to her chest and captured her breast in each one, and grasped them a little harder than I intended. I knew Bella would have bruises in the morning, and I wanted to mourn at the pain I caused her, but she wouldn't allow it.

"Don't stop, Jasper! More, baby," she encouraged me as she arched her stomach into mine . . .

My tongue found it's nirvana as it entered her furnace and the treasure I found was exquisite beauty. Bella's taste was even more than I imagined. I knew I could expound on the merits of her essence, but words would not do justice. I allowed my tongue to gently slide along her most sensitive area, savoring the gift she gave to me. Bella whimpered and her legs shook with each lingering sweep of my tongue.

"You're so fucking amazing, angel," I rumbled as I swallowed Bella's wetness. "Everything!" I wondered if the words that even left my mouth during succulent licks and nibbles were coherent.

"Jas-Jasper," reached my ringing ears. "Inside, Jasper," she begged.

Bella's broken demand was like honey to me. I had imagined this moment many times and in many ways. But even with each fantasy that had passed through my active imagination, I knew it wouldn't do the actual moment justice. I placed a tiny kiss to Bella's swollen lower lips before dislodging my mouth from her.

"Everything, Bella," I intoned with deep sincerity as her murky eyes finally opened and found mine. "With everything I am, angel!" I promised. The water fell from her eyes and cascaded down her flushed cheeks.

Bella opened her arms and welcomed me home. The picture she painted was one of eternal bliss. Her hair was splayed over the lumpy pillow, tangled from my fingers. Bella's lips were red and puffy from her teeth biting on them. Her red and blushed skin had little beads of sweat from her exertion and her mouth was pulled into a magnificent smile. How could I ever resist the call of her arms to me?

Without further restrain, I leaned down into her soft body and shook as it so rightly molded around my hard exterior. Bella's arms wrapped around the lower portion of my back, bringing her body even closer to me.

Her plump lips found every available place on my face and peppered it with loving caresses. Bella's breathe ghosted over me with every exhale she released. Her scent seemed to cling to me, bury into my very core.

"With everything," Bella agreed as she placed one lingering kiss to my waiting lips.

There was nothing left to do . . .

* * *

Her legs were opened, allowing me complete and utter access. As I finally allowed myself to slide into Bella, I became overwhelmed by something I had never experienced. I was overcome by the amount of heat that wrapped around me, and almost brought me to completion. Her passage was soft and smooth unlike other times I had engaged in sex.

When I came to her hilt, I let out a shaky sigh, and couldn't hold back the shudder that ran the length of my dead muscles. As Bella's hotness surrounded me, I felt the need to do pull back, almost dislodging myself from her completely before I pushed up and in again, causing her to arch her beautiful back and take my thrust. Her searing walls wrapped around me again and squeezed on my harden member as Bella tried to keep me from pulling out again, but it also added to the glorious friction we both so desperately tried to create.

Bella's warm hands reached around my side and onto the muscles that lined my backside. She grabbed on tightly as she arched again, as I thruster harder into her this time. She pulled me onto her fully as she made a circular motion with her hips as I reached into her the full length I could fit. Bella cried out in both pleasure in pain as my tip hit her furthest point. My own moans joined her as she continued to burn me with each push I made into her.

She ran her fingers in between my crack and caused me to shove into her a little harder than I wanted to out of surprise. Bella only mewled her pleasure into my ear, and I knew that had been her intention, but regardless the unexpected surprise it also added to my pleasure. Her hot fingers felt like feathers as they worked some kind of foreign magic with me. I was amazed by her willingness to try different things and not be afraid to touch me as she pleased while we worked each other.

I knew it had been a while since Bella had been intimate, but she felt as if she had never been stretched at all. Her wall barely seemed to stretch wide enough for me, as I started to move faster and plunge into her harder and quicker. Bella's answer to my thought was to grab me harder and meet my every plunge into her most sensitive area. I brought my mouth to her neck and allowed my tongue to move along her slender column. I had never done such a thing and the intimacy in feeling the thing that gave life to my angel under my mouth pumping to keep her blood flowing was almost mind blowing.

I could smell as small amount of blood fell from her inner walls and smeared onto me. The freesia was strong and made venom pool in the back of my throat. It was a natural reaction when faced with the scent of fresh blood, but I was no danger to Bella. I may have become overwhelmed with her smell, but I lusted for her body all the more. Then, the knowledge of my angel actually bleeding because of what I was doing to her caused me worry. I hadn't realized I was being so forceful. I seemed to be lost in the passion and utter need that her body created in me.

I leaned in and stopped my thrusts. I kissed her lips that were still red from my earlier abundant attention. Bella's moans filled the space between us and caused me to twitch from the wet, sordid sound.

"Have I been too rough, baby?" She didn't seem to have any words for me and simply shook her head. Bella's eyes were still closed, but there was a frown now on her mouth. "You're bleeding, kitten," I rasped, coherent speech was difficult while still being buried in such thick, sweltering heat.

"Its fine, Jasper," she whimpered. "I haven't done anything like this in quite a while," her statement was met with a flushed face and scrunched up lips. Bella moved her lower half unexpectedly and drove me deeper into her. I let out a loud moan as her walls tightened around me, trying to cause me to move along with her. "Please, Jasper, move with me. Don't stop, baby, harder . . ." she scrape out. Her voice sounded dry, yet had that oh-so-sexy quality.

I wanted nothing more in that moment then to take her for all she was worth, but knew the issue of her blood needed to be dealt with. I didn't want to hurt her anymore than I already had. Bella arousal was thick in the room, and mixed with my own, made me want to do nothing then grind into her all willing little body. I buried my face the junction of her neck while letting me breathing even out.

"Jasper, move!" I was taken aback by the demanding quality in her tone. I knew my angel to be aggressive when she wanted, but this was on a whole other level. She must have felt my shock because she lightened her tone before she continued, "Its normal for me to bleed the first time after a while of inactivity. Being a doctor, you should be more than aware of the effects of having a child and then having sex the first time after. There is nothing to fear, except me not being satisfied!" I wanted to chuckle at her words, but couldn't find it in me. I never wanted her to be dissatisfied with me or any performance.

Bella had reassured me that all was well, and her back arching into me as I thought about her words went a long way to relay my fears.

And then when all I could think of was pushing myself into her, over and over again, riding her until she could no longer move, I brought Bella up to match my sitting position, and wrapped her legs on either side of me until she was straddling my lap. I put her arms behind my head, and wrapped mine around her back. When I could feel her chest flushed against mine, I buried my face in her neck, and started to pump into her again.

Bella took over, setting the pace for how fast and how deep she wanted me to be inside her. With each push I could feel myself going deeper and further into her burning opening and hitting her walls. Her muscles compressed onto me. Bella ran her nails down my back as her excitement grew, and I knew she wasn't far from her orgasm hitting her. Bella put her mouth onto my neck and found a sensitive spot where my skin stretched over my collar bone, and sucked on the point.

"I want you to fall with me, Jasper," she panted through her pleasure, her tongue licking my skin as she spoke. "What do you want from me?" She rubbed her stomach harder into mine, flatting her chest onto mine. I grabbed her hand from my back and brought it down in between us. Bella immediately got the hint and started to message me with her fingers. I dislodged my hand from hers and found her swollen bud.

With one more demanding shove into the angel on my lap, and her screams as she shouted my name, she finally fell. The hot wetness from her arousal ran down me, coating every inch that was still inside her. The heat from her orgasm, and the final clinch of her walls, finally gave me the release I had wanted from the beginning, and I let my body's reaction mix with Bella's as it inoculated deep into her.

We both shook from our releases, and with a few more weak pushes into Bella, prolonging our fall, we both fell onto the bed and let our bodies become limp.

"Everything," I finally answered her question.

Bella moved her sweaty body a little, trying to become more situated while lying on my chest. Her movements caused my still sensitive part to spasm in her. Bella moaned at the contact, but didn't move to pull me out of her. She buried her redden cheeks into my neck and I sighed as I felt the heat from her cheeks radiate into my skin.

And for that one moment in time, with me deep inside Bella, and us joined in the most intimate of ways, my existence made sense. All of the terrible things I had done, faded and the scars that lined my skin, tingled with our combined love. The moment was exquisite and sublime. Had I not known any better, I would have believed angels finally wept at our combined journey. My love for Bella overflowed, taking me to heights I had never been and always wanted to experience.

"I'm in love with you, Jasper," she mumbled and the vibrations from her voice tickled my skin. Her hands found their way into my hair as she unwound the curls before she released them. I tightened my grip around her perspired back, wanting there to be no separation between us.

"I'm in love with you also, Isabella."

She kissed my neck where her lips touched. "I know, baby," my little naughty angel said, and I could feel her smirk. I ran my hands down her exposed sides, over the bare part of her breast, and down to her hips and legs that still straddled my waist. I felt her tremble as my fingers brought goose-bumps to her skin.

"Yes, you know, baby," I confirmed while kissing the skin on her uncovered shoulder.

I was in awe that Bella never felt the coldness of my skin, and she never had to worry over being in bare contact with it, for the coldness never affected her. I pondered over what it would have been like trying to have sex while fighting the unnatural temperature of my skin, and thanked whoever listened for small blessings.

The rest of the night was spent with us in the same position, letting her body rest, and us just living in the moment, not worrying about the problems of tomorrow. No matter how much I tried to make Bella more comfortable with lying beside me on the soft mattress instead of my hard body, she wouldn't relent. She only wanted the closeness of my skin on hers and the feel of her face pressed into my neck.

"I don't want to lay on the mattress, baby, I want to lie on you." Those words put an end to the discussion, and the only other words uttered where our sighs and our spoken words of adoration.

"I seem to become mixed up with you, Jasper," her words were slurred and told me she was more tired that I had anticipated. Bella lips had fluttered against my throat as she spoke and seemed to stick to the skin as she all but fell asleep in my arms. She had fallen fast. It amused me when she fell asleep like that. It wasn't the first time and I knew it wouldn't be the last. "I want you so much, baby, always so much," she slurred. For a moment I thought she had woken up again, but the large snore that escaped her mouth told me otherwise.

"You're one of a kind, Isabella, and one that I love so fully." I chuckled as she responded with an even louder snore. My angel was wonderful.

* * *

Author's Notes Continued: Goodness, I hated this chapter. I'm absolutely terrible at writing lemons. I don't know why or how to change it. While reading other stories, I am amazed at the amount of emotion and action one can put into words. I don't seem to have this ability. However, this is my true first lemon with Bella and Jasper, so I hope it can get better. I was utterly nervous while writing this chapter. It truly took me weeks to put everything together.

There isn't that much detailed action, but that's fine (at least in my estimation). I wanted their first time to be described in sweet tenderness and not complete debauchery. There will be time for that later (he-he, I already have the scene in mind). There was some decadence to this chapter if not a lot. Also if there are tons of mistakes in the action sequences – sorry. I love to read yummy lemon scenes (they are after all a guilty pass-time), but not my own. I have a terrible aversion to them that I cannot even begin to explain. So I once again apologize if it was shit.

With that being written – please . . . please . . . please . . . give me your opinions. I don't care if it isn't even favorable. Should I even attempt to write another lemon? Was it alright in your estimation? Was it sweet or just terrible? Any and all reviews welcomed, but please review, loves. I'm floundering right now and could really use the feedback with this story.

To all those whom reviewed last chapter – thank you so very much! It was the most reviewed in quite a while and I thank you from the bottom of my little writer's heart. Sorry I didn't respond. I feel like a right bitch. I was on vacation for a while and then had a difficult time finishing this horrid chapter. Also real life has been quite busy. But regardless of my excuses, thanks and I love you all.

I hope all is well with everyone! Much love as always!

Posted: 13 May 2011 (Hmm, Friday the thirteenth)


	20. Chapter XX

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's Notes: Goodness, loves, I'm amazed. The reviews for the previous chapter were both numerous and wonderful. You sure know how to make a girl blush. Most heartfelt thanks to all who took the time to let me know their thoughts! I love you all, truly! And please, keep them coming. I hope everyone was able to get my replies. I'm still having some trouble with sending them out.

Picture is on the profile page. I know it may seem odd, but when you look at the picture and read the chapter you will understand (he-he). Sorry in advance to anyone who may own such a skirt, I just thought it funny.

**Chapter Twenty**

"_We never forgive those who make us blush."_

_- Jean-Francois De La Harpe_

"_The rate at which a person can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment he can tolerate."_

_- Douglas Engelbart  
_

3 March – Monday – Bella's POV

It was amazing to be home once again. Vacations were wonderful things, but there was no place on earth like the comfort of being surrounded by one's things (at least in my opinion). It was also nice coming home to a clean home. Edward had gone above and beyond while house sitting for us. He had made sure the fridge was stocked with food and the place was immaculate. Jasper and I were lucky to have such a devoted person to watch over our little nest (if one counted a 2600 square foot home little).

"It's wonderful to be home again, Carlisle. Bella and I had a supreme time and a much needed break. We couldn't have asked for more." I blushed, thinking about the supreme time we had. Jasper had indeed given me something I was in much need of. Just the thought of him taking me had my body feverish.

"I'm happy you three had an eventful vacation, son," Carlisle responded. I giggled under my breath.

I wondered why Jasper had him on speaker. There was no reason for me to be privy to their conversation, yet Jasper had decided different. I lay back on the bed, turned the television off, and stretched my stiff muscles. My nap had been much needed, especially after Jasper and I had taken a tumble as soon as Cheyenne had fallen asleep. My appetite for him now seemed insatiable.

"That was difficult, son," Carlisle spoke, pulling me from my naughty thoughts, "being without your family in our lives." My heart broke a little at his tone. I also smiled, happy at the thought of being missed. "I'm not sure how much I would be able to endure, not having you all near," his broken whispers seemed to reverberate in my ears. His sadness was on display for all to hear.

Some may have thought his attachment to our family unhealthy, but I didn't care. I had come from a past that showed emotions scarcely, and being around the majority of the Cullen's made me feel loved. I needed their affection in my life, just as they needed ours. If it was an unhealthy attachment, then we both traveled that street without caution.

"I know, Carlisle, we also missed you all terribly," my wonderful companion answered. I loved how he was able to express his emotions and not feel embarrassed. There was no shame in admitting his love and dependence on his family. It was one of the things I admired most about "my damsel". "However, we are now well rested. Bella has that spark back in her that I love so much and the little beauty . . . well, you just have to see for yourself." Both of them laughed. "She is really alert now and even laughing deep belly laughs."

I could hear the smile in his voice as he continued regaling Carlisle with tales of the little love.

...

Jasper's very short POV

After I was finished talking with him, I hung up and headed for my closet. I could hear Bella in the shower as she sung under her breath and endearingly off key. My mind wafted, thinking about wanting to join her, but knew there wasn't enough time, and she may have been sore from earlier.

She and Rose had something planned for us tonight and I still had to drop Cheye off at Esme's and Carlisle's. I may not have had the opportunity to join her now, but I would be doing wicked things to her later that would cause her to moan off tune. I whistled as I got ready for the evening, things were suddenly looking up, all pun intended.

...

Bella's POV

"Come now, Bella, you know you want to tell me," his voice coaxed me. I shut my eyes and shook my head. It was well documented that if I looked into Jasper's face, I would relent. My resolve around that damn vampire was nil. "Please, kitten," the cheater purred in my ear before sucking my lobe into his wet mouth.

Shiver coursed down my arms, slowly breaking my resolve. Jasper's lips finally touched mine, and ever so succulently, pressed into mine. Heat flared from somewhere in my tummy and shot straight to my cheeks.

"Jas –" I tried to argue, but was caught up in his fierce kiss. Our lips fused together, keeping up a rhythm that had my panties almost wet. It was amazing what that vampire could do just with his luscious mouth.

"Open your eyes," he commanded hotly into my mouth, and I couldn't help but listen. They immediately opened before I even realized my mistake. Big, deep amber orbs greeted me. There was no smile on his face, but I could imagine how loud he was crooning internally.

"Why must you cheat all the time, Jazz!" I shouted out of mock-frustration.

I was pleased he had gone to such lengths to persuade me. He had the good graces to smirk at me (that cocky vampire).

"Because it's my prerogative, angel. Not to mention, I could suck on your lips all day." I couldn't help but become red at his scandalous words. "Now do you want to tell old Jasper his surprise?" His eyes became big again and his tempting lips turned into an innocent little smile.

_Damn that man was beyond skilled. _

"Put that face away, Jasper, before it gets stuck like that!" I quickly turned around, after I had jumped in fright, at the harsh command.

Rosie just smirked at my frightened expression. I still attained that vampires should wear bells – it was only fair to the unsuspecting public. She plopped down on the couch next to me and pushed Jasper's face from mine. I couldn't help but giggle at Jasper's annoyed expression. Rosie took me into her embrace and gave me a hug that nearly suffocated me. I had also missed my sister dearly.

"Have you no resistance around him, sister dearest?" Rosie whispered into my ear, her voice filled with exasperation and amusement. I gave her a sheepish look.

"Have you no resistance around Emm, sister dearest?" I retaliated, and Jasper cackled. Emmett looked like he swallowed the canary, and Rosie looked like she almost blushed (if she had the bodily fluids to do such a thing).

"Touché," she complimented while giving me an indulgent smile. I did love that girl.

"She got you good, Rosie baby," her gorilla of a husband commented. Rose simply rolled her eyes before gracing him with her attention.

"That's a lot more of me Bella's going to get then you, Emmett." I tried fighting my laughter, but couldn't win.

Emmett's downtrodden face at not being able to _spar_ with his wife later was too funny. It was terrible that Rose used sex as a weapon against her husband, but more than effective. It was truly the only thing that could ever keep that giant in line.

"That's cold, Rose," my vampire commented between his guffaws. Were boys truly that stupid to comment when a girl was on a roll?

Rose turned around and fixed her scowl on her brother before giving him a searching look. Jasper gulped.

"You're one to speak, you neutered dog!" she chided her brother. "Giving some pathetic puppy eyes to Bella so that she will tell you where we're going tonight. You always look like a crossed eye, bitch-in-heat when you look like that. I can't understand for the life of me why it even works," she finished more to herself, examining her perfect nails. Jasper gave her a murderous look. The only human in the room sat back and enjoyed the show.

Goodness, I loved our dynamic; being around Rosie and Emmett hardly ever failed to put a smile on my face.

"Yeah, well you –" Jasper started to argue, but was cut off.

"Blah, blah, blah, brother dearest. I'm sure your witty comeback would have had me in tears, if that were even possible for me. Seeing as it is getting late, we should probably be off." Rose stood up and dusted off the nonexistent dust and wrinkles from her outfit at vampire speed. Jasper shook his head at his sister's antics before sharing a small smile with me.

Rosie then extended her hand and helped me from the couch. I guess being a human – around many almost-indestructible "people" – rendered me (the human) incapable of doing anything for myself, let alone getting off a couch. I just exhaled and allowed her to help.

"I don't think you feeble, Bella, I just want to help. I haven't seen you in almost a month; surely you can give me some concessions."

Her voice didn't register hurt, but something akin to it. I also knew she wasn't joking around. She had really missed us while we were gone – if her hug was any indication. It was my turn to take her into my puny embrace. I wondered how she had learned to read me so well, and I also felt bad for making her feel anything other than happy.

"I can give you all the concessions you can take, darling. I'm sorry!" My words were sincere. She just nodded her head before turning around.

As we headed for the door, I looked at my best friend's face. I could see some strain on her utterly beautiful visage. "Were you able to see Cheyenne before you came over?" I asked, knowing that Carlisle already had her home by the time Rose and Emmett came over.

"No," she answered, shaking her head. "I wanted to see you first," was all she said before draping her arm around my shoulder. Tears prickled the back of my eyes at the gesture.

Rose's love for me was more than cemented in my soul, but I knew she also loved Cheyenne to eternity. The fact that she came to see me first caused tears to spring. It wasn't the surprise of her actions, but the beauty of her gesture.

It was that very part of her I attested to others all the time. Not many were able to see that glowing part of her personality, that part she kept barricaded behind a strong fortress. No matter what others said, Rose was more beautiful inside than out. I tried to surreptitiously wipe my eyes, but failed.

"No tears tonight, Bella, only fun, fun, fun . . ." she said, but I could also see the sheen in her ochre eyes.

"Women," I heard Emmett mumble as we headed to the door. I was more than assured he had written his fate tonight with the no sparing.

Both Rose and I giggled, sharing that secret fact.

* * *

Emmett's POV (Oh, goodness)

**Emmett Sitting at the Bar**

No one ever beat me. The idea was almost laughable. Emmett was the strongest, most handsome, not to mention most virile vampire in existence. No one could best me, not even a damn grizzly bear. So how was a slip of a chick able to come out on top? I couldn't help but laugh about "on top". Rosie loved me while on top. I gave good to my girl and then some.

_But how in the hell had Bella been able to beat me? _

"I'm the best damn thing there is!" I growled.

"You'll get no argument from me, handsome!"

I looked at woman next to me and instantly felt an attraction. What wasn't to like. I could feel my "Emmett Bear" coming to life. It usually only happened around Rosie, okay fine, it happened around Peter that once – but he was a damn smoking Vampire – who could blame a vampire?

"You kinda' have that rhinestone cowboy look going on!" I finally answered the hot piece of meat sitting next to me.

I looked closer at the light shadowing on her chin, not due to the light but from the short coarse hairs. I couldn't stop the light shiver than ran through my back. There was something decidedly sexy about her five o'clock shadow. I wondered if the prickly hairs would leave scratch marks against my neck where she could suck on a weak spot. Rosie didn't have such manly, rugged hairs, and I began to wonder why this was a good thing.

For some reason the closer I leaned nearer to the smoking hot woman beside me, the more I could see down into her lap. The jean skirt with the flappy layer she wore kept twitching. It looked like some damn snake kept trying to poke its head out. I could almost camp under the twitchy snake with how much the hideous skirt keep popping up. It didn't really matter – how ugly the fucking skirt was – because that damn rag would be ripped off the moment we got to the car.

I shook my head and wondered what I had been thinking. I was feeling weird and didn't understand where I had gotten the massive bulge in my pants.

That was it (it was like a light had suddenly gone off in my head) – who the hell had taught Bella to be a Pool Hustler anyway? She came off as all sweet and innocent, claiming she knew nothing about the game. Of course I internally smirked at the opportunity to wipe the floor clean with her clumsy ass. Bella was always funny when she tripped. One would think she knew what feet were meant for.

_What was I thinking_, _oh yes_, who the hell taught Bella to play pool? How could such a scrawny and uncoordinated chick beat someone as fantastic and virile as me? The world had stopped spinning and all meaning was lost. Bella was lucky if she didn't trip over a roach's crotch; the little _maladroit_ girl.

That's right, Eddie, (_mwahaha_, I had to insert my evil laugh) you aren't the only one with a slamming vocabulary. However, I was the only one slamming into my girl. Damn, Rosie had been fantastic last night. The way she had arched her leg over her head like that had been crazy good.

Before I could relive the moment, I was suddenly pulled away from my memory and into the present. I felt revulsion, for some reason, when thinking about having sex with Rose. That thought didn't make any sense, but who the fuck cared.

And then out of nowhere I felt myself giggling. Life was amazing. I never stopped to contemplate the birds as they flew lightly in the sky, the water as it gurgled down its winding stream, the colorful flowers as they swayed in the Spring time breezes, everything was glorious. The giggles continued to come. Somewhere in the background I heard muted laughter, but I couldn't worry about that.

"You okay there, handsome," the ever-so- captivating hunk of woman asked. The deep quality to her voice made me both shiver in delight and giggles.

"I'm fine, ba-ba-baby," I slurred, giggling because I sounded like a sheep. I wondered if I could get this hooker next to me to nibble on me like a sheep would. Damn everything about me was funny. "Every things honkie dorie, bitch," I assured the bitch – I mean fine ass bitch, as I waved my hand in front of me. I never realized how beautiful my hand could be as it waved in front of my face.

"I think you mean, _hunky dory_, handsome." I giggled as she corrected me. There was no need because Emmett Bear was always right. Perhaps I could find a more productive use for her big mouth (mwahaha). I bet her five o'clock shadow, which was now setting on about ten o'clock, would feel good as it grazed my giant man meat.

The woman sitting next to me, who kept smiling, was looking mighty fine. The beer stained teeth only added to her allure.

"Can I fuck you," I asked. The giggles ceased, and I found myself becoming hard again. My dick wanted in that hardy bitch next to me, and what "Emmett Bear" wanted, "Emmett Bear" got. I started to shift uncomfortably as the bulge in my pants started to grow.

"Down, boy!" I yelled and erupted into giggles again. Damn it all, I was funny. The "whipping" sound I made also added to my awesome humor.

The hulking bitch next to me laughed as she winked and gave me the signal she wanted me to leave with her.

As we stood up to leave I couldn't help but taken aback a little, damn that woman was TALL, and it had nothing to do with high heels. The hooker wasn't even wearing any. That was a shame because I knew it would have enhanced her muscular, yet oddly hair legs. I wondered how those burly and strapping legs would feel wrapped around my waist as I pounded into the beefy chick.

"You sure are tall, honey?" I blurted out, honestly. "How much do you bench press anyhow?"

"About your size, baby," her deep voice resonated. I waggled my eyebrows as I saw her checking out "Emmett Bear". He was a sight to behold. I had added him to the list of the "Seven Wonders of the World" to see.

Before I could make some awesome comment about perhaps her shutting the fuck up and letting me see if she was all talk, she latched onto me and started attacking my lips. I didn't know what to say, but just allowed myself to go in the kiss. All my thoughts seemed to disappear anyhow as my level of horniness increased tenfold. I also couldn't help it if my hand happened it slide down her strapping back, bulging with almost most as many muscles as me and latch onto her ass.

And then it was as if the fog lifted. The things that had been right in my world and in my crotch disappeared. I shook my head, dislodging something from me. I opened my eyes and saw the scariest fucking thing I had ever seen. I had been kissing a fucking dude. I couldn't help the shriek that came from my mouth, and the pitch of it could have even impressed Eddie. I ran out the bar and over to a little shrub by the road.

I immediately bent over and started gagging.

_What the eff was happening? _I thought to myself as another wave of sickness hit me. That dude's dick had been poking me in the leg. Another gag hit me and venom stung my eyes. _What the hell is happening?_

I felt a hand touch my back and I immediately jumped, thinking that fucking dude would get the wrong idea about my bent over position and try to somehow probe me. Another gag hit me full force.

"It's only me, _Emmett Bear_," I heard Rosie say. However it had been hard to understand her through the constant laughter.

"Why the hell are you laughing, Rosie!" I yelled at her, trying to stop my reflexes from hurling up my stomach.

"Come to the car, baby, and I will explain everything to you!" Some may have been fooled by Rosie's soft tone, but I knew better. There was something else under it and I knew somehow I had gotten my ass handed to me tonight.

And I knew it somehow had to do with that Pool Hustler. I wasn't going to like this at all.

...

Bella's POV

"Remind me, Rosie, baby, to never go against this shark again," he mumbled into her neck while they sat in the back seat of Jasper's car. The evening had been a smashing success and something I had needed. Jasper, being the perfect being he was, saw that need and chose to make me happy. He truly was the most wonderful thing, besides my daughter, that had ever entered my life and I loved him all the more.

"You didn't enjoy your escapades with your new boy-toy, husband?" Jasper and I couldn't help but snicker at her consoling her husband.

Sometimes my heart went out to Emmett and the predicaments he found himself in. This one, however, had been because of me and my sometimes evil mind.

"You promised to never talk about it again, baby," he sulked. Did he not know his wife?

"It must have slipped my mind, darling, like your hand on that man's ass." The laughter came full force at Rose's description.

"His dick was poking my leg, Rosie," he whined, as if she could take away his experience with his experimenting.

I tuned him out and settled back into my mind. It was a wonderful thing that vampires minds were infallible and weren't able to forget anything. It was also nice that Edward could read minds and see this replay through someone's thoughts. Emmett did, after all own him something, especially after the many taunts he gave out. However, I was feeling a little guilty.

"Don't let it worry you, angel, we will be laughing about this for years to come, and it's so very rare we get one over him." I took his words to heart and tried to push the guilt away.

I grabbed Jasper's hand and placed a small kiss to the center before putting it on my cheek. He looked over at me and silently gave me his love.

"I love you also, baby," I murmured over the constant whines of Emmett's from the back seat.

The night had most definitely been a smashing success.

...

Jasper's POV – Later that night

_Goodness, even the most creative minds couldn't write this shit. Who would have thought that my angel could have been so conniving? Oh yes, hilarity ensues when Bella puts her mind to something. _

Her and Rose had been holding hands after their long separation. They love each other immensely and missed the other very much. Emmett, rest his poor soul, couldn't help but get excited, but wisely (for once) didn't say anything. However, the huge smile on his face was enough said.

Bella unfortunately started to feel vindictive and pulled me aside. She hatched her plans to me, and I being the supportive and loving man in her life, agreed. Of course, all of this went down with Emmett being none the wiser. Even Rose had agreed. Bella being the damn kitten she somehow learned to be, reached down and gave my dick a pat. She promised gifts for later. And looking at my exhausted kitten as she slept, delivered. With promises like that, of course I was going to use my gift and eff my brother over, he would have done the same for Rose if she offered.

Bella then proceeded to swindle Emmett into a prank. She pretended not to know how to play pool, and of course Emmett had to challenge her. He lost of course and started to pout. He went over to the bar to get away from Bella's smug smile, but didn't see the even bigger one that graced her face as he sat down next to the guy that had been watching him all evening. One would think dinner had been served earlier for that obvious dude. And the rest is what you say is history. I wondered if Emmett was still gagging from his adventures on the other side of road.

I leaned over and kissed Bella's pale forehead. The smell of freesia's greeted me and I lingered.

"I love you, kitten."

She mumbled something about donkeys before going back to sleep.

My angel was one of a fucking kind.

* * *

Author's Notes: The last part of the chapter (in Jasper's POV) may seem out of place, but I wanted to briefly explain how Emmett had gotten into his little mess in the first place without giving it away in the beginning. This seemed the best possible solution. Hope it didn't seem to dysfunctional. I just love messing with poor, unsuspecting Emmett! And Jasper was a naughty boy for using his gift on Emmett like that. Not to mention, it being Bella's idea to begin with. Can anyone remember where she even got that idea from? Anyone remember Chapter Nine from CFTB . . . he-he.

So let me know your thoughts, please. Was it too out of place? Did it even make sense at all? Did you feel for poor Emmett?

This chapter was light, but I wanted to have something easy because we are about to take this into high gear, loves! Yes, be prepared.

Wanted to give an extra little shoutout to JoceyBaby92 for the very sweet PM. It made me blush for hours! Thanks for the encouraging words!

Thanks again for the previous chapter reviews and for enduring this one. Hope all is well and much love as always!

_Posted: 21 May 2011_


	21. Chapter XXI

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Chapter Twenty-One **

"_'But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.  
'Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat. 'We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'  
'How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.  
'You must be," said the Cat. 'Or you wouldn't have come here.'" _

_- Lewis Carroll _

5 March – Sunday – Jasper's POV

"I've talked to Alice, Jasper. She reassured me that things were better, at least in her mind. She claims she's found some type of resolution with your shared past."

Carlisle and I had had this conversation several times already and it wasn't until now that I became truly serious about it.

I wanted to scoff at Carlisle's statement. Not at the part of Alice coming to her fucking senses, but about our shared past. As we moved apart I had come to look on our past with a fondness, something that would always hold a place of its own within me, but now I felt none of those charitable feelings. No, I felt a burning anger towards her.

"And you find that you believe her, Carlisle?" I asked anxious to hear his response. There was silence on the other end, and it did nothing to quell my apprehension.

"At first, no," was his pained reply. I knew how much it hurt him not to trust one of his children, but Alice had shot that trust all to hell. This new Alice was someone all of us didn't understand. "So with reluctance, I approached Edward," he continued. I could sense where this was headed. "It truly pained me to do it, son, but I needed to know." The truth of his words pierced me deeply. I didn't need to be empathic to know of that.

"It's understandable, Carlisle. You are trying to find the balance that is fair with everyone involved. I'm just sorry it pains you so." Remorse was my constant companion when Bella wasn't around to quiet the anxiety.

"Never think this is your fault. These are just the trials our family as to endure now."

He was quiet once again, just breathing deeply.

"While your family was away, Alice left for a few of weeks. I truly imagined she would have stayed away longer, but she returned with a smile that resembled the old her. My heart felt light for a moment, but then came crashing down when thinking about the future. This has to be addressed, son. It's hard to tell you this, but we need to have a family meeting."

I huffed out an aggravated sigh, not at my mentor, but at the situation in general. It seemed like our problems hadn't faded, but taken a vacation like everyone else.

"What did Edward say, Carlisle?" I asked again, needing to hear the answer.

"He said that Alice was blocking him out of her thoughts." And now it made sense why Carlisle sounded troubled and unsettled about a family meeting. "However, Alice reassured me that she was well and would behave herself." I wanted to respond but he continued on. "I'm very torn, son, but at some point I have to believe that what she tells me is the truth. If I cannot trust my own family, then what else is there? You guys are my existence." I wondered if he had tears clouding his eyes.

A laugh bubbled in my chest at his naïveté, but didn't escape. I had too much respect for Carlisle to show him such insolence, especially while he was down. I also understood where he came from. I had my one family and trusted them with my life. I could understand the very emotions he spoke of.

"Okay, father, you win," I said in a rush of words, both in a jest and out of respect. I used Carlisle's favorite title of "father" to convey to him my respect as head of our family unit. I didn't think of us as a coven anymore; we Cullen's were indeed a family. "I concede to you, Carlisle."

"Splendid, Jasper, you cannot imagine how happy this makes me." This time I did laugh. "Well I guess you would have a fair image of how I'm feeling," he now conceded.

"It's wonderful being an empath at times," I teased.

I just hoped that being around everyone again, especially in such a tense time, didn't make me regret my choice. Bella and I had already talked over the situation and she made her feelings known. My angel knew we had to put this shit behind us and told me as much. She agreed to let me make the final decision. It was one of the reasons I loved that girl so much, she trusted me too much. I was a selfish creature.

…

Plain euphoric was the emotion I felt the most being back in the Cullen House. Of course, the majority of it was coming from Carlisle. As soon as Bella, Cheye, and I had walked into the front door, he pounced. Bella became embraced into his arms immediately. It was a good thing Cheye was in my arms.

"Welcome back, Isabella," he whispered into her ear and she started to shake. I knew she was crying in his arms. Bella came to see Carlisle as a father and she loved him dearly. It was difficult not to love him.

"Baby," Esme was the next one to speak as she carefully plucked my daughter from my arms. Cheye was asleep, which was a good thing. She never liked to be taken from my arms unless she allowed it. She could be quite vocal about it too.

"Yes, Esme, it is wonderful to see you also," I jested. She gave me an indulgent smile before kissing my cheek.

"You look well son." And I felt well, at least for the time being.

After the tears and the rest of the hello's had been dispensed, we settled into the living room enjoying each other's company. It was good to be back.

"JAZZ Man," I heard yelled from outside.

The front door wasn't even opened yet, but one only needed one guess to deduce who it was. Before I had a chance to respond, the gorilla of a vampire ran at me, physically lifting me from the couch. If I had been human, I would have blushed from the embarrassment of it all. There was just no stopping Emmett at times.

"Put me down, Emmett!" I said, mock-affronted. I knew he was only happy to have us back.

"Oh, sorry," he quickly apologized, but the wide grin never left his face. "It has been boring without you and Bells here. No one wanted to play with me, and Edward refused to help me build the tree house. He claimed that 'the child'," he used air quotes to explain, "isn't even old enough for such frivolous gifts. Whatever the hell that meant. One never knows with little Emo Eddie." I snorted at Emmett. The man was too blunt for his own good.

"Language, Emmett!" both Carlisle and Esme hissed. He gave them a sheepish smile before turning back to me.

"We just saw each other the other day, Emmett," I said, feeling the need to remind him.

"I don't want to talk about that . . . and you promised!" he pouted while everyone else in the room laughed.

"It seems as if I'm not the only one that '_doesn't know' _something, hmm, Emmett," Damn, Edward could have a sharp tongue when he wanted. I couldn't help but laugh at that shit.

"You would have been confused too, Eddiekins!" Emmett yelled, feeling the need to reassess his manhood. "That dude looked just like a woman, and Jasper made me do it."

"Oh no, it was all Bella's idea," I clarified. I had to throw my love under the bus as well. She looked offended by my statement, so I lean in and kissed her succulent pout. "I love you!" I reminded her, sucking up. She just gave me an exasperated look.

"Yeah, blame the poor little human. I can't help it that I have better eyesight than a fully matured vampire, right Emm."

"Everyone can just go to he –" he went to say, but thought better of it after seeing Esme and Carlisle's expressions. "Hades," he amended. "So, Jazz Man, do you want to come see the fort?" he asked in an excited, childlike voice.

How could I turn down the big ass man child?

I looked over to Bella, sending my curiosity to her. She gave me a little head shake before answering, "Its fine, Jasper. I don't really want to go. You and Emmett have a little fun," she reassured me.

Before anything could be said, Cheye woke up and started to cry. I went to go get her, but Bella put her little hand on my arm, halting me. "Let them, baby. They haven't taken care of her in a while. Let them bond with her again."

I could see the pleading in Bella's eyes. She still felt guilt at leaving and taking Cheye with us. She knew how much my family loved her, and felt like she was depriving them of her daughter. I leaned in and kissed her again, sending her my love and acceptance.

Both of us looked over and just nodded to Carlisle and Esme. They both smiled widely, as if they had been given the secret to world peace. I knew different. That cry meant she had a diaper full of shit, and if my nose was any indication, then my speculation was correct. Good luck to them.

"Now we can go see the fort. I know Cheyenne's going to just love it!" Emmett exclaimed, almost forgetting that she could barely sit up on her own, yet alone climb a tree.

I was about to object again before Emmett pulled me up once more and all but dragged me out of the house. "Have fun!" Bella's words followed me along with her laughs. I felt uneasy about leaving Bella alone, but figured she would be okay for several minutes.

…

Bella's POV

The room was free of voices as I sat and listened to Edward play the piano. Emmett may have chided Edward constantly for being obsessed with the instrument, but one couldn't deny that he had much talent. Even someone who was as musically challenged as me could hear the amazing quality to which he played.

I closed my eyes and took in the peace of the room. While away, I had truly missed the people I had come to view as my family. They were all wonderful in their own right and carried a special, deep place within me.

Guilt came easily to me, and I wasn't surprised that I felt it when Jasper and I had left. I knew that we could have stayed on vacation for as long as we liked, but eventually our problems would have caught up to us. There was only so far one could run. Jasper and I had talked and he understood my reasoning and position, he knew that I wanted to make amends with everyone. I couldn't help but want everyone happy. Some may have called me naïve, but that was their mistake. Everyone was different, and I had my set of imperfections just like everyone else.

Edward picked up his playing, making the keys sing for him in absolute harmony. Several tears slipped from my eyes at the haunting notes of the piece.

"Oh you're crying again," her voice rang with false concern. My peace was now gone, leaving in its wake a tightness around my chest.

The bitterness that tainted her tone only caused my tears to increase. I couldn't even imagine what I had done to cause such scorn.

"Better not let Jasper see those tears – he so does tire of seeing you weep," she sneered, the malice in her voice had taken over and it felt like ice had taken over my veins.

I had no words to reply with. All I could do was stare at the person whom seemed to hate me for some unknown reason. Her amber eyes had darkened and sparkled with her anger. I finally came back to my senses and simply nodded at her. Jasper's ex-love became more incensed by my lack of response. She looked at me as if I were some disgusting thing that polluted her space.

Alice scoffed before she passed me where I sat, and gave a wide berth as she moved around.

"And Jasper finds her intriguing. Pathetic!" her words remained in my ears long after she had stopped speaking. I knew that Jasper was better than me in mostly every way, but hearing the truth confirmed from his past lover was bitter to swallow.

I sank down onto the couch behind me. The tears that had stayed somewhat in my eyes now travelled over my lower lashes and fell silently warm onto my flushed cheeks. Sometimes the truth hurt more than anyone liked to admit.

Before I noticed what was happening, everyone had come into the room and looked at me with concern, and at Alice with antipathy. I wanted to stop them, but couldn't seem to find the words. My mind was busy with the truth of the situation.

…

Edward's POV

Before I could interrupt or make any move to intervene, the honor was already taken from me. I was both happy and irritated by Carlisle's interpose. I still felt as if I owed Bella greatly for almost taking her life.

"Alice, you will cease this very moment," the room seemed to chill ten degrees with Carlisle command. "I gave my word to Jasper and Bella that this would be a civilized meeting, and you have already made me out to be a liar!" he practically hissed. I was more than surprised that venom wasn't spilling from his mouth. "I would never, NEVER think this shit capable from my daughter, but once again you've proven me wrong. I'm severely disappointed in your damn actions."

Silence continued to rein in the room, except for Bella's sniffs. I was beyond thrilled that the little child had fallen asleep and was placed upstairs in the nursery. This situation couldn't taint her.

_I hate this behavior from my family. How many fucking times? My daughter is creating unnecessary strife, and my other daughter is taking it lying down. When will things ever be settled? I hate seeing Isabella cry. _Carlisle thoughts continued to swirl in my mind and I wanted to reach out to my father. One knew it dire when he felt the need to curse. It was so very rare and only added to the magnitude of the situation.

"Sit the hell down, Alice, now!" His voice sounded tired already.

_God, please give me the strength, _my father asked of His maker. He was still a deeply religious man, even after the many atrocities he had seen in this world. Carlisle never ceased to amaze.

_No one wants me anymore_, I heard spoken mentally, in a broken voice. One didn't have to be a detective to know who thought it.

Emmett was silent for once and simply sat down while grabbing for his wife. Incredible; I hadn't even noticed when Rosalie returned, thus was the seriousness and pain of the moment. There was pure malice in her eyes as she watched Alice, calculating her every move. I almost feared for my pixie of a sister. It was unwise to anger Rosalie in any manner. Emmett brought his wife into his arms and just cradled her. It was more for Alice's protection than Rosalie's comfort, and his thoughts explained it very clearly to me.

_Just shut the hell up already, Alice. And here I thought I caused a lot of trouble._ For once his thoughts weren't funny, but rather serious in nature. That was rare for him.

Alice finally nodded at Carlisle and did as he bade, showing some sense of propriety. Jasper was already by Bella, wiping her fallen tears.

_Your face was never meant for such sadness angel,_ he thought as he watched his love with worried-filled orbs.

Bella's simply grabbed his hand, but made no more movement. She was too busy watching Carlisle sit down beside Esme. I stayed off to the side, neither in the view of my family, but not completely out of the room. Carlisle had called for a family meeting and that meant everyone that was considered a Cullen.

"Could you explain to me, Alice, why I left Isabella alone for a moment and came back to you spitting hateful untrue words?" He didn't give her a chance to answer before he started again. "You asked for something, and we allowed you to have your moment. It went against Jasper and my wishes, not knowing if we could trust you, but we conceded to your and Isabella's pleas. Had she said something hateful towards you?" he finally finished, looking over to Bella with softened eyes.

My father's voice shook with his emotions and his face showed the stress he felt. He almost aged before our eyes, something I had never thought possible.

Alice twiddled with her fingers, not knowing what to say, her thoughts going every direction. She was sadden at making Carlisle angry, but couldn't seem to grasp why he blamed her for everything. I wanted to point out that it was indeed her lack of discretion, but held my tongue.

"I hated watching her face," she whispered. Everyone gave her blank looks. Bella just continued to seem lost in her silent mind.

"Explain!" Esme commanded, but her thoughts were quite the opposite from her hostile voice.

_Will there ever come a time that my family will be whole? How much more shall my Bella have to endure from us?_

"She just looked at peace when I felt unessential. Then she gave me an understanding look, like she knew what I may have been suffering." Alice's voice was both hard and uncertain. She was coming to realize that perhaps, Bella did understand!

"And that makes you want to shout such hateful things at her, Alice? How in your fucking warped mind does that make any sense?" Rosalie yelled, finally losing the little composure she had retained.

Emmett tightened his hold on her once again, but said nothing. For once he wasn't thinking about sex or something vulgar, but the welfare of his family he loved very much.

_Please, let us be okay. It's not fair that Alice is making us choose. _And in one fail swoop my insane brother had gotten it right.

Alice had also reached her breaking point, and if looks killed, Rosalie would have been ten feet under.

"What right do you have to judge me, Rose?"

I couldn't believe that they were going to do this again. The last time it had happened, Rosalie had seriously contemplated ending Alice's life. And Alice, well she had thought of nothing but the fear and rejection she felt.

"You've been a complete bitch your whole life, and now that you've befriended a human that happens to come along with a baby, all is forgotten. All that has been proven from you is something to be a complete joke!"

Alice went to get up but was quickly waylaid by Carlisle. She tried to remove his hold on her, but was unsuccessful. Rosalie also struggled against Emmett, but he didn't allow her to move.

Esme's eyes were filled with tears as she watched her family deteriorate. Bella still seemed lost in her world as Jasper held onto her. It looked like he was trying to shield her from the verbal assault. I listened for the little child and was relieved she slept on.

"You don't know shit, Alice. I told you already to not make assumptions about something you have no knowledge of. It is beyond pathetic you cleave to something that died years ago. It was your fucking CHOICE, little girl, YOUR CHOICE! You've no one to blame yet you continue to take your childish behavior out on someone who least deserves it."

That was only one third of Alice's problems.

"Why not say such hateful things to Jasper?" Rosalie had made a very valid point. "He is the one who moved on. Are you afraid he'll put your puny ass in its rightful place. Reality is such a bitch, huh, sister." The poison almost coated each word that was forced from Rosalie's mouth.

Once again I wanted to reach out to Alice, but she had truly brought this on to herself.

"Rose, that was uncalled for!" Esme spoke over the chaos.

_Why must Alice and Rose say such hateful things? Don't they realize these things cannot be taken back, only slightly forgiven in time?_, Esme's thoughts continued to swirl.

Rosalie turned around and just glared at Esme. They had their difficulties in the past, but it hadn't been a problem for a long time. I started to really fear for my family, but what could I contribute. Bella had also had her problems with me.

"Of course you would stick up for her, Esme, it's what you've always done. Where is the loyalty to me?" My mother was at a loss for words at her daughter's question.

_What have I done to my family? Have I always been so skewed in regards to Rose? I don't know what to do anymore. _Her thoughts were complete desolation, with no anger.

"Rosalie," Carlisle's voice took over again, "you will apologize to Esme." She gave a twisted laugh that we were more than familiar with.

"Then you're also living in your own reality, _father_," was her sharp reply.

Carlisle had no retort, but just looked at his first daughter that had so many of her own insecurities. He had tried to cultivate an atmosphere for Rosalie over the years, but it wasn't until Emmett entered her life that she started to soften. It wasn't, however, until Bella and Cheyenne had broken through that she relinquished her very hardened shell. It was starting to return.

"Please," Bella whimpered, but the fighting continued. Everyone was trying to scream over the other. It was mass chaos. "ENOUGH!" Bella screamed, accomplishing what she wanted with one word.

Everything finally went silent because the one person who hadn't spoken once decided to voice her opinion. Her one word had been full of pain and something that I couldn't describe. Jasper tightened his hold on her, but it didn't erase the tears that fell from her eyes. The green in her irises were more pronounced than ever.

"This is what I had always feared. It was the very reason I asked for everyone to leave well enough alone. How is it even fair that someone who is relatively new within your family dynamic can cause such problems? How could you allow that person to even stay near you?" People went to argue, but she continued on as if she hadn't even heard them. It was now her turn to speak.

"What you guys have built over the years should be untouched by such abhorrence. I understand we all have our individual problems, but to allow it to erode something so precious is unthinkable. Please, just stop fighting." Jasper buried his face in his love's neck and kissed her skin.

_Damn, my angel is amazing, _Jasper thought. He was completely and devotedly in love with the girl.

This action proved once again too much.

"Always to the rescue, hmm, Bella? Fancy yourself to be something of a miracle?" And then the truth came to fruition. Alice displayed the veracity of her problems. "They were my family first! What right do you have to take my place? Everyone fawns all over you, and I have to watch the disgusting display. I see nothing special that warrants such affection. They were mine first!"

Tears slipped from Bella's eyes and ran down her face. Her thoughts were always silenced to me.

"You are absolutely right, Alice!" she said taking the wind out of my sister's sails. Alice was shocked, but tried to hide it behind a thin veneer of self-righteousness.

"When have I ever professed to be what you accused me of? I have never given an inclination that I was worth the effort. I have come to love the Cullen's as my own. The love and connections you all share are enviable the world out. Many people would kill to have the devotion you all have towards the other. All I ever wanted in my life was to be loved by my parents, and for once, be the child. I don't bemoan my life, but I still cannot let go of those childish dreams. There will always be a part of me that cries out for all that I didn't have. I'm human and that's my nature, my weakness I have to deal with. I never said I was perfect, nor would I ever think that in the future. I can understand your love for Jasper. I love him so very much. He is the perfect one, and has completed my life in so many ways, as clichéd as that sounds." . . .

"I can understand your anger and frustrations. It's the reason I try to be conscious of your feelings. Please don't take your anger out on Rose or any other member of your beloved family. They don't deserve your anger, Alice. I never wanted to replace you in anyway, nor could I ever do so. You are truly special in their sight. Hang onto that amazing gift. It is rarely ever granted, and you shouldn't throw it away for anyone!"

And with those words, Bella turned around and left the room. Her foots steps could be heard as she climbed the steps towards her daughter's nursery.

"Congratulations, Alice," Rosalie sneered. She removed Emmett's arms from around her before standing up. "Once again you show us how being a bitch is truly done. It's quite sad and utterly redundant. Isn't it ridiculous, Alice?" she continued to taunt.

There was now no need for physical abuse. Everyone knew Alice's biggest reservations and words hurt more than physical action.

"Bella out classed you without even trying. How does it feel to be put into your place by someone so much better than yourself? Until you learn to grow up and accept what everyone else does, then fuck off." And with the harsh words still lingering in the air, Rosalie ran after Bella.

We all watched as tears flooded Alice's eyes.

"Alice!" Jasper started to yell, but didn't get far.

She started to shake her head, as if in defeat. Before anyone else could make any comment, my sister ran past us all and out the door.

Silence reined in the room.

My thoughts now spun. Alice and her insecurities - that was the crux of the situation. I knew the main problem with Alice didn't truly have to do with Bella and Jasper's relationship anymore, but what it signified. Alice now felt like she was no longer needed in our family. In a sense, she had become the center of our family unit since she entered it, the one everyone loved and turned to.

Now that Bella seemed to fill that spot, Alice was drowning. Instead of trying to either share or find some other role, she took out that rejection and uncertainty on the person that took her supposed position. She failed to realize Bella had never asked for such a pedestal and would have more than willingly shared – if not vacated. It was Alice's jealousy, infantile antics, and down-right bitchiness that took center stage, lashing out unfairly at Bella and the family. It was just one more thing that Alice felt Bella had taken. It was understandable, but uncalled for. I also had my reservations, but I confronted Jasper and Bella, trying to understand their reasoning's.

The question now, however, remained, "What next?"

…

Jasper's POV

My heart truly felt as if it had been removed from my chest and stomped on with Bella's monologue. I knew how much she had always wanted a loving family, and how much she cherished the Cullen's. As she laid her heart out on the line for Alice, I was reminded of Bella's compassion and beauty.

My love for her in that moment surpassed everything I could have ever imagined. It filled me to the brim and all I could do was touch my angel. I needed to physically be connected to her. I had often wondered if Bella were really authentic and not some figment of my overactive imagination. How could I have ever gotten something so wonderful?

Once Bella had left and the silence became thick with Rose's departure, my immense anger started to rise. Competing with my love for Bella was now my fury for Alice. Over and over she had been warned, and yet she still had lied.

"Alice!' I yelled, getting ready to finally give the little demon a piece of my mind. I had waited long enough and the moment was far overdue. I had respected Bella's wishes, but Alice couldn't respect the family's thus I felt vindicated in my resentment.

Before I could continue, she had run off, like some little child. It amazed me at times how selfish she could be. She had made sure we all knew of her strife and problems, but when it was my turn to lash out, she ran. It was unfortunate for her that I had every intention of finishing my every thought until all of my anger had become vented.

With my max speed, I ran upstairs and to my girls. Bella was leaning over Cheye's crib, gently rubbing our daughter's baby skin. It always felt incredibly soft and fragile. Rose was standing next to Bella, with one arm around Bella's waist. Her unoccupied hand rested on Cheye's stomach, moving with each deep breath the child exhaled. The moment held a peacefulness that was unexpected, but not welcomed to me. I had a purpose; I refused to relinquish my anger. There was only one person that could make it go away and I feared for her.

"Bella, angel," I whispered, not wanting to wake my sleeping little beauty. She smiled gently to our little girl before squeezing Rose's hand and coming over to me.

As soon as she was in my reach, I pulled her into my embrace and buried my face into the crook of her neck. Bella's hot tears fell onto my cheek, and my skin became warmed from her touch. The moment should have been beautiful, but was tainted by an ugliness we hadn't deserved. My lips sought out her fragrant flesh and relished in the closeness. I gently nibbled on her, wanting to intensify the love, but barely holding back. I wanted to take my angel home and sink into her over and over again, until she was more than assured of my unyielding affections.

"I know, Jasper," she murmured, breath coming out in heavy waves. "It's past time, but I just never wanted it to come down to this. Foolish, hmm, Jasper," she chuckled humorlessly.

"No, baby," I answered, kissing every inch of her lips, "beautifully optimistic." Our mouths moved together in a fierce kiss. It was almost as if we had been denied for years and were making up for lost time. When we pulled away, Bella needing to breathe, I finally spoke, "It's something that needs to be finished, angel, ousted and completely laid to rest."

I could still see the sadness in her eyes, and feel the understanding radiating from her.

"Then finish it, Jasper, and come home to me."

"Always, my love," I replied.

I leaned in and kissed her swollen lips more gently. I hated to leave her in that moment. Everything called for me to stay, but it was the one time I couldn't obey the demand. I refused; refused to allow this shit to fester any longer.

It ended tonight.

* * *

Author's Notes: Firstly, I wanted to give a special thanks to January who helped me to make this chapter even better. Thanks for spotting out my mistakes. I truly appreciated the wonderful work! All mistakes are still mine. Secondly, I wanted to thank those who reviewed last chapter. It wasn't as highly reviewed as Chapter Eighteen, but I still thank those who took the time! I hope everyone was able to get my response; the PM thing was still acting up for me. Lastly, thanks to those who have added me to their alerts and favorites. It's been a while since I thanked you, and just wanted to send that shout out!

NOW, what did you think of the chapter? Was it unexpected or as nasty as you thought? There was always going to be a final showdown at some point. I went back and forth on this issue, for a while, trying to decide when to have it. After much debate, I figured this was the best time. I needed to get this out of the way before moving on to the BIG important thing. Yes, loves, I did warn that this was going to be kicked into high gear! This is just a part of what is planned.

How did you enjoy Edward's POV during the confrontation? I thought his would be the best to write from. We get a little insight into everyone's mind. I know there was no "smack down" . . . LOL, in this chapter, but sometimes words are more painful than physical action.

Next chapter . . . Jasper confronts Alice. Those who review get a sneak peek, and it will be good.

Anyway, sorry for the long author's note. My mouth (aka fingers in this case) and brain ramble on too much. Hope all is well and much love!

_Posted: 1 June 2011_


	22. Chapter XXII

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended. Just a warning: There is an excessive amount of colored language in this chapter. Hold onto your seats for this chapter, readers!

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

"_Infinity has its limits.__"_

_- Helene Lagerberg _

"_To suffering there is a limit; to fearing, none.__"_

_- Francis Bacon, Sr._

5 March – Sunday – Jasper's POV

Limitations – was the word that continued to race through my mind as I ran in the forest. It was an irregular word to be travelling through my mind at the time, but it was there nonetheless. What were limits defined as . . . a point or level at which something does not or may not extend or pass. The definition fit the occasion to perfection.

Well, my limitations had been shot to fucking hell. Alice had seen to that.

And without Bella here to stop me, I found I had no such limitations, my control over the situation had already reached a breaking point. I always feared when I reached such a state. However, it seemed like no amount of reasoning with Alice could break through her shield, her simple-minded belief that she would have no consequences. She had never appreciated the gift Bella had given to her. Time after time, Bella had given her a pass, begging all involved to leave her be. My angel didn't want to rock the boat anymore than possible. The boat had been capsized tonight and Alice was the only one left without a life preserver.

Instead of accepting such a selfless offering, Alice had shot it to hell. She said and did what she pleased; never truly thinking about the other's feelings involved. She had claimed to love me, but her version of said love was pretty fucked-up. When she had first left me, I had given her the courtesy she now lacked to give to me in return. I had left and allowed her the time with the family. I knew she had the support system she would need to move on. It was apparent before I had left that she still loved me. Her feelings had all but choked me. But in leaving and giving her space, we would both reach a closure without the other always present.

But no matter how much time had passed, Alice never reached that conclusion. It still stood out of her reach, but in the way of my happiness and peace of mind. Of course Alice and I had been happy and well situated while together, but in giving me up she failed to see that it was her fault. I had begged for her to rescind her initial decision, but even my tears and pain weren't enough for her. She had in essence chosen her gift over me. And once again, she was failing to see her fault in the matter, the hurt she was causing to everyone.

Years had passed, many things had come and gone, lives had been lived, yet Alice clung to a notion that had floated away with our love. I still loved Alice in my platonic way, but the more she fought, the more my anger and ire grew. The more she refused to let go, the more my love for her turned to hatred.

As I followed Alice scent and thought about the shit I wanted to say to my ex, I knew that it would end tonight, regardless. All the anger, resentment, bitterness, and cattiness, ended tonight.

...

I immediately stopped running as I spied Alice sitting on a fallen log. Her head was bent and covered by her hands. Her shoulders were in a defeated slump, and her hair was a mess. Parts of her clothes were torn, as if she had done it herself, and her body shook with the agony I felt wafting off of her. My anger began to die a little as I took in her shrunken form.

Flashes of Bella's downtrodden face entered my mind's eye, and my anger returned with a vengeance. I was surprised venom wasn't spewing from my mouth.

"Why do you always insist on being such a raging bitch to her, Alice?" I screamed. She fell a little from the log, surprised by the immense amount of anger that poured from me.

I was beyond frustrated with her frigid actions and snide remarks towards Bella. Alice refused to believe and see that her vindictiveness towards my angel would affect her in any way, but they did.

Alice didn't answer.

"FUCKING, answer me," I raged, the tone of my voice was one I seldom heard. It took me back to my war days. Alice shook in rampant apprehension, but I didn't care. I deserved an answer with all the shit she had put Bella through.

"She has everything I want," she whispered, her voice quivering.

"She has NOTHING you fucking want, Alice," I hissed in scorn. She looked at me with hurt, and I wanted to laugh.

'That's not true, Jasper!" she tried to argue, shaking her head in denial. I wasn't catering to her unrealistic whims.

"LIKE HELL, Alice!" I roared. She fell off the log in fright. I felt no remorse. "YOU kicked me to the damn curb. YOU ended our fucking relationship, so deal with that shit ALREADY! YOU have been a bitch to everyone in the family, pushing EVERYONE away that wanted to show you any emotion. You claim that Bella has taken your place, yet you relinquished it with the fucking disrespect and anger you've shown to everyone. I could almost understand your scorn at Bella but not everyone else. I've never known you to be such a HATEFUL bitch!"

Alice was crying again in jagged sobs, rocking herself on the dirt-covered ground.

"What has she ever done to you except continue to live?" The words just slipped from my mouth. My anger didn't pay heed to the filter I had to censor my language. "Were you hoping she would die and you and I would finally be together again, living in your warped little imagination of happily ever after?" I spat out harshly. I knew it was an unfair judgment, but I was beyond placating to her.

She gasped as my accusations, releasing the most hurt I had _almost_ ever felt from her. The worst had been right before she left me. I would always remember the colossal and agonizing pain she felt in letting me go. Her pain brought me out of anger bubble. I started to feel somewhat bad for the ruthless accusations I had leveled at her.

"I was never that heartless, JASPER!" she shrieked, almost piercing my ear drums. The screams reverberated off the surrounding trees. "You are able to feel my emotions and there was NEVER a time when Bella was in the hospital that I wished her DEAD. I cannot believe you would think so ill of me, after everything we shared." She turned from me, her breathing very ragged and her hair had pieces of leaves.

It was a testament to how hurt she was by my allegations. She was right in the end, however. I had never felt such emotions from her. She had been leery of Bella, but never malicious to the point of wanting her dead. She wouldn't have been able to lie to me in that moment. I took careful measurements of her emotional range.

"You emotionally died when she wasn't awake and clinging to life," she whispered brokenly. I hated to think of that time. It made me think irrationally and not having Bella with me. "You only wanted her and there was nothing anyone could do. You where there for Cheyenne in person and you gave her the love you had available, but you didn't come back until Bella came back to you," she cried in a small, pained voice. Her back was still facing away from me. "No matter how I may talk down to Bella or feel jealous of her, I _could never_ wish her dead because if one eliminates Bella, one eliminates you, Jazz. How could I live without you in any regard? How could any of us live without the beautiful and remarkable creature you represent in our lives?" she cried emphatically.

She finally turned back to me; I could see the lingering venom in her dark eyes. The whiteness of her eyes were red from the sting of the poison coursing through our veins.

"I'm sorry, Alice," I spoke softly, regretting only the last thing I had said to her. She deserved the other things I had said. ". . . Especially for talking so much out of turn. I'm just at my wits end with this fucking shit. I don't understand why you cannot accept her." I pulled at my hair, trying to find some release from my anger. I had never hit Alice and I didn't intend to.

I started to deflate when I thought of physically hurting her. No matter how much I tried to hang onto my anger, it slipped through my fingers. My mind raced with images of Bella's heart no longer beating, of Cheyenne not finding comfort in anyone else's arms besides my own. There was no room for anger inside me when such sadness threatened to take over.

"It's quite simple, Jasper," Alice started to answer my previous question, breaking into my private thoughts. I tried to will the intense pain from me and focus on the present. I hated when irrational thoughts and '_could have been'_ scenarios of Bella no longer existing littered my already cluttered mind. "If I accept her then it's truly over." I could understand that base on reason; however, it had been _truly_ over for years.

"It's past being only about you, Jasper." Her emotions told me she was telling the truth. "Rosalie was right, I am jealous of her in more than one way. Not only does she have the most amazing person at her side, but she has the attention of the entire family. Every role I used to play in the family has been taken. I feel as if I'm living on the fringe, watching everyone else's happiness. Who would want me when they have loving and giving Bella? I don't say that in scorn, but in truth."

My heart felt heavy at her explanations. It was over for me when I had met my angel. Isabella gave me what I had always needed, but never knew: my true purpose. I never wanted Alice to hurt on my behalf or anyone for that matter. I had only wanted happiness for her life and all that she touched.

I ignored her too blunt answer. There were no words, and those internal scars I had gotten with the ending of our relationship were healed, long forgotten with Bella's gentle touch. I always loved history and loved to study it, but I didn't like to relive it. There was the crux. I loved Alice and would always be grateful she came into my life, taking me under her exuberant wings when I needed her the most. However, those were memories of my past, not my future. It was my history, and something I had no intention of reliving.

I could also understand where she came from in regards to the family. Before Bella and going on my solo journey, I felt exactly the same. I lived on the perimeter of the family, never really sure of my place among them. I could feel their love, but thought I was more tolerated for Alice's benefit. How wrong I had truly been. Esme and Carlisle had more love to give than anyone I knew, sans Bella. I thought Alice knew this without a doubt, but I guess I was wrong.

However, I stood by what I had said earlier, Alice had pushed everyone and everything away from her. The situation she found herself in was a product of her own making.

"Alice, can't you just make the effort. Bella has tried to befriend you, but you continue to rebuff her. She has done _nothing_ wrong," I said fanatically. "And she hasn't taken your place among the family. She could never do something so vindictive. All she wants is to be loved. How could you fault her when that is something we all crave?"

I felt bad for Alice and there was a part of me that would always mourn for the love we had lost, but there was nothing to be done. We tried to be mindful of our actions when Alice was around – Bella more so than me – but there was only so much a person could do. And Alice had to eventually come to the realization she wouldn't be replaced with Esme and Carlisle. They now tolerated her more than anyone in the family. Everyone was at their wits end with the little demon.

Alice looked to me with her sad face. I reached out my hand and touched her cheek, needing to see and feel the old Alice I knew, the one that loved life and spread joy to everyone.

"What would you have me do, Jasper?" she asked in a disheartened whisper.

Her emotions came to me and I could feel how beaten she felt. She was finally unmasked, letting all of her emotions go. Her tiny body fell to my feet and sobs racked through her. As I watched her little body shudder from her unrequited love, I felt lost and uncertain what to do. I wanted to comfort her, but still felt anger towards her. I wondered what Bella would have done, and with that simple inquiry, I had my answer.

I picked up Alice's defeated body and placed her on my lap. I rocked her slowly as I did with Cheyenne when she was tired. Bella had always laughed at her daughter's love for me and called her a 'daddy's girl', and that she was. Alice didn't latch onto me like my daughter, she just curled into herself as if trying to protect the little bit of sanity that remained.

Again, I reached out to Alice's emotions. There was that little thing that always niggled at me when I sampled her emotions. There was that bit of truth she always carried with her, but refused to believe. I had seen the truth in her eyes as she watched Bella and me in our intimate moments of kissing and just holding each other. Her eyes had shown her jealously, but they also showed what she had known since before we were over, prior to her leaving me.

I soothingly ran my fingers through her short hair, telling her the facts she had always known, "I'm hers now, Alice. I know these words don't comfort and they don't give you the joy you wish we had together, but there it is. You know this to be true. You even knew before I had any knowledge, didn't you, Alice? You knew when Bella came back into my life and when we started our tentative friendship. You knew when she ran after me in that rainstorm and crashed her car. You knew when I mourned for her in the hospital and when she had left me, then returned to life like the fighter I know her to be." Alice hadn't seen anything after that.

"I love her, Ali, and I need her to survive." At my words, I felt the immense sadness that Alice felt, but also the first rays of acknowledgment. She turned her face towards me and her venom-stung eyes tore at me. She touched my face where Bella always loved to touch. She gave me a cheerless smile.

"I know," she finally admitted the incredible truth. Alice needed the truth and final acceptance for her soul and for her sanity. "And she needs you to also survive, Jasper," she disclosed in a hollow voice, her eyes glazed.

Alice had finally been torn down and opened, now she needed to let the hole be cleansed and repaired. Her glassy orbs told me of her pain but also her acquiescence. They started to clear as she sat up.

Before I could even assist Alice in becoming upright again, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to mine at vampire speed. At first I was shocked and left unmoving. Never had I expected her to kiss me and neither did I do anything to dissuade it.

My mind wandered back to our time together and to all that we had shared. Alice had been my pillar of strength and support when I floundered over and over again. She picked my sorry ass up time and time again when I had failed to resist the call of blood, she had _loved me regardless_. But most of all, she had given me my freedom to find my Bella. And that was the singular thing I was most grateful for. I never knew what would have happened if Alice never found the internal power to let me go. I never wanted to dwell on such things.

I indulged her for but a moment. I pressed my lips to her in thanksgiving for giving me the life she knew I would eventually lead. Alice's emotions told me she realized it wasn't a romantic kiss, but a parting of ways, a loving goodbye to the times we had loved and the times we had shared. The kiss lasted a few seconds, and in those seconds decades of memories were laid to rest.

Alice had been my world and I never thought I would love another, but that was the thing about the word "_never"_. It was precarious at best, and existed to prove a person wrong. It was a notion that wasn't held by any rules and cared little for what one wanted.

"_Never say never"_ was almost a conundrum that invited pun into one's life, because once someone surely said never, there was that fated bitch around the bend, waiting to give someone what they never thought would never happen.

_Thus was the irony of life . ._ .

I pushed my thoughts aside and displaced my lips from her. I pulled back and looked Alice in the eyes.

"I did love you, Ali," I conceded, "You were my world for a time and your happiness was mine. Now that happiness is contingent on someone else's happiness. I still love you and always will. The part you touched in my heart will always belong to you, but on the whole, Bella owns _every_ single part of me. She _protects_ and loves every part of me, Alice. Who would have thought someone as unique as her could love me, hmm?" I said in self-deprecation.

I still struggled with Bella's easy love of me, but it was something that would always make me humbled. I had been a killer, yet she loved me despite of such (what I perceived to be) sins that could never fully be forgiven.

"You are just as unique as Bella, Jasper," Alice challenged "She loves you very much and from the first meeting. When she was drowning on her own and her mother did a number on her self-esteem, you gave her love. You protected. It was the start, Jasper. I saw it all, when I gave you up," she whispered looking down.

"I knew that I couldn't compete with the love she would bestow on you, and I wanted the best for you. Even though it broke me in every imaginable way possible, I had to let you go. Your heart was only mine for a while, until it was returned to its proper place." There was lingering sadness in her voice, but she was finally going to accept that we would not be returning to our past love.

"You'll find that person, Ali, whom was always meant to love you!" I said, not trying to pacify her. Alice was an amazing catch – before she turned into a colossal bitch. Whoever was lucky enough to win her affections would know what it meant to be loved fully. For a time, I had experienced the same thing.

"We'll see." She started to laugh, a full body laugh. It loosened up the intense emotions, dissipating some of the sadness we had experienced. "And I mean that with all pun intended, Jazz." I pushed her off my lap, gently, watching as she rolled on the ground, giggling. It was the most free I'd seen her in a while. Her designer clothes were all but ruined.

"Ha-ha, Alice. You're incredible lame." She finally stopped giggling. Tears of amusement glistened in her eyes. She became a little more serious.

"I will try, Jasper. I can't promise I won't have any relapses because that isn't possible, even for me that can see the future. I'll also try to be more mindful of Bella and her feelings. I do think she is a good person; I just have a difficult time befriending her. So I'll do my part – in trying to make that happen. You know, mister," she said while putting her hands on her hips, "You are hard to get over. You were never the love them and leave them type; you were always the forever type, Jasper." I melted a little at her words, knowing she meant them wholeheartedly.

"Thanks, Alice." It was an all encompassing thank you. She understood what I meant.

"You're welcome."

"Also know that no one could ever replace you in Carlisle and Esme's eyes. It's something I learned a long time ago. They love us each, individually. You know their capacity to love. You should have never doubted that, Alice. It was an unfair characterization of them."

She looked down and played with the hem of her shirt.

"I know that, but sometimes when everything is happening all at once, it's hard to remember that. I'm a spoiled bitch, Jasper, and I know that. In some ways I'm worse than Rose when it comes to wanting attention. I didn't really realize that until someone threatened my position. It was like the vampire in me wanted to protect my territory. It was the wrong reaction and something I'll eventually have to make up for."

Again, I could feel the truthfulness of her statement.

Alice would have to atone for her offenses; we all did. She needed to apologize to both Bella and Rose the most. The shit she had said to Bella and Rose was terrible. It was only my immense love of Bella and my need to repay Alice, which caused me to partially forgive her. Even when I had been swept up in our memories together, I held some resentment towards Alice. It wasn't until she had Bella's full forgiveness that I would even consider giving her the rest of mine.

However, there was another matter I had to contend with and the guilt started to eat me alive.

I helped her off the ground before I held her hand in mine for one last squeeze and let go.

"You had better, apologize, Alice!" I said, dropping all pretence, making my point more than clear. Alice looked small again before giving me a minute nod.

"I will, Jasper. Without you or anyone else having to tell me, I know I acted like a raging bitch to her. It was easier in a way to deal with all I felt I was losing." She looked at me, making sure I held her sight. "Emotions we feel at the time may not make sense, but we cannot help what we feel." She was correct in that assumption.

"However," I said in a strong voice, "we can control how we act on those emotions, Alice." She looked down and her shame smashed into me. It was a mixture of embarrassment and disgrace. It now mixed with my own. There were also traces of remorse. She was finally facing up to her mistakes.

"The remorse is for Bella," the little physic answered my silent thoughts. "The embarrassment is for how much of a nightmare and demon I was to the family. There will never be enough words to describe my actions. The disgrace is for my actions and how I truly let everyone down. Especially for the way I treated Rosalie and Carlisle, that's not including Bella. Those actions were off the chart."I wanted to verbally agree with the little demon, but chose to keep the comment to myself.

Much had happened already, and I wanted to leave things on a moderately positive note. There was much forgiveness and repentance to comb through, but I was confident that a corner had been turned.

I gave one head nod to Alice before we both started running back to our separate homes. It was time to face my own consequences.

…

I knew the guilt would be tremendous. But even with everything I felt, I knew I had to tell Bella the truth. She deserved so much more than what I gave her at times. The guilt traveled through my system, making the venom burn me from the inside out. However, having to look at Bella made it all the worse. She gazed at me, unshed tears clogging her eyes. In that moment, I hated myself. I had given her unneeded pain. It didn't matter how caught up in the moment and memories I had been with Alice. The kiss was iniquitous, something which should have never taken place.

"I'm sorry," I whispered brokenly, kneeling before her in supplication. The tears finally fell from her lower lashes.

I hesitantly raised my hand to Bella's face, waiting for the eventual rejection. When my skin finally touched hers, I let out a shaky breath. It seemed as if her forgiveness knew no bounds. It was something I could never understand even with me empathic abilities – I didn't understand the thought process behind the emotions or the reasoning. Isabella was a creature unto her own.

I wiped the water from her flushed skin; they felt like razors, each one cutting me deeply. I wanted to erase what I had done. I reached out and sampled Bella's emotions, wanting to know what she felt. It was an unfair advantageous, especially what I had done to her, but I needed to know what she felt. Surprise was one of the things I felt myself after sampling her emotions.

"Are you jealous, angel?" I asked, not really thinking before speaking. It was a wildly inappropriate question, but there wasn't much further I could fall. I sat on my knees before her. I already confessed my actions to Bella and now watched as the tears slipped from her eyes.

"No, I'm not jealous," she answered softly. I knew it to be a lie. Bella got up from the couch, scooted around and started to walk away. My heart fell, but I knew I couldn't let her leave. I started to panic and did the first thing my vampire mind thought of.

I grabbed her from behind and wrapped her snuggly in my embrace. My lips found their way lovingly to the back of her neck, and she shivered when my lips made contact. My hand right ran circles along the skin the exposed on the lower part of her stomach. Bella's skin always called to me. With each touch I felt of her, my longing to do more increased. I was desperate and needed to hold her in my arms tightly. I couldn't allow her to leave me. I needed Bella more than anything.

My angel mewled a little from the attention I gave her neck and tummy. I felt her lean into my chest. Her hand found its way onto the back of my neck and wove into my curly hair. My lips became more ardent as she massaged my scalp and pushed her body into mine.

"Don't kiss me any longer, Jasper. Your lips are tainted now!" she all but moaned, I knew she wasn't serious, but still disappointed.

I unexpectedly turned her around in my arms; she let out a yelp from the speed and the surprise. My lips descended on her, swallowing her protest. Bella fingers became more insistent as she pulled on my hair and brought my lips more firmly against her own. Her tongue licked along my bottom, I allowed her to enter where she wanted. Bella sampled me well. I wondered if my venom tasted sweet or just bitter to her. I met the force of her tongue as it made another sweep and sucked it into my own mouth. Bella tasted of sweetness to me, and I loved to sample her unique flavor.

"Tell me you don't want my lips on yours, angel. Tell me I'm tainted again," I demanded. She didn't respond. I knew she was too focused on the vibrations my voice left on her swollen lips. "I love you and no one else, Isabella," I whispered as our lips were still colluded together.

The fervor of our kiss had lessened, turning into a loving and caressing affair. Her lips were always so pliable under my own, so very soft. With one more engaging kiss to my bottom lip and a gentle bite, she pulled away, giving me the pleasure of her eyes. She knew I could never resist the colors that swirled together and created such a depth. A tear slipped unchecked down her cheek; I started to feel like shit again.

"Please, don't let it happen again!" she said in a near whisper while she balled her fists into my shirt front. I could feel a little bit of hurt, but also an immense amount of understanding from her. I was an asshole, but I would find a way to make it up to her. I traced her tear tracks down to her opened lips where the tears had finally disappeared. I slipped my tongue into her mouth and tasted the salt in the water that had escaped from her sadness. Bella kissed my exposed tongue.

"I'm sorry for hurting you, angel. I give no excuse and should have known better. I never meant to make you cry, even though it makes you more beautiful." The words were spoken seriously and with no smile.

Bella became more of an angel when she wept. She looked like a beautiful little doll, one to look at but not touch because one had to admire her delicate beauty.

"I'll make this up to you somehow. I never want to hurt you for anything. I always choose you, Isabella." I could give her all the pretty words, but when I pushed my love to her, it was something that could never be disputed. I challenged anyone who did.

Her forehead landed on my chest and I rubbed her back that was bent over. "I forgive you, Jasper. How could I not when you forgive me for so many things I do wrong. I would be a hypocrite. I also know it was the closing of your past." She was a fucking angel.

My fingers danced along the skin of her neck; she shivered in my arms from the soft touches. I picked her up in my arms, unexpectedly, and she gasped from the fast movement. I allowed her the time to become situated in my arms before I brought her up to my lips.

"Allow me to show you my adulation, angel, please!" I begged with our mouths opened, our breaths combining in between. Bella's lashes brushed up against my skin as they fluttered. She was hesitant for a moment before her emotions told me how much she started to crave my touch.

"Yes, Jasper," my love pleaded, "show me."

I needed no other encouragements as I raced to our room, quietly shut the door as to not wake the baby, and showed Bella just how much every part of my body needed and longed for every part of hers.

* * *

Author's Notes: _Okay_, I know what you're thinking, but I have relocated into the witness protection program. Yes, Jasper and Alice kissed (*hides behind computer screen*), and Bella forgave him. You had to know she would forgive Jasper. The girl would forgive him for anything. I never intended for the chapter to turn out like this. I rewrote it several times (and that is the truth), but this version won out in the end. It practically wrote itself. We all do things in the heat of the moment we regret, and that's what happened here. I always wanted to show in this story and CFTB that even though they are vampires, they aren't infallible. EVERYONE makes mistakes. And yes, there will be no more confirmations between Bella and Alice. It may be somewhat awkward between them (more so on Alice's part), but the terrible, hurtful words are finished. I never promised anything in regards to Rosie . . . he-he.

So without too much hate thrown my way, please tell me what you think. I think I may be able to take it . . . LOL. HOWEVER, if I get more than thirty reviews, and not all hateful, I will give you something special. You know how this chapter ended (something about his body longing for every part of hers . . . I think . . . LOL). I will write the scene out and post it Monday morning, if I have the magic number. It will be posted in the story as its own interlude. It's up to you, loves: lemon or no lemon. It pains me to write them, but I will. I have some (as in plural) planned for later in the story, but not for this chapter.

Now that the bribing is out of the way I wanted to thank all those who reviewed last chapter. I was so happy with all the reviews; they had me smiling for a long while after. If there was anyone who didn't get a reply, I'm terribly sorry. I've been having A LOT of trouble with the website, and it was only fixed TONIGHT. So hopefully, there won't be any more problems.

Anyway, I hope all is well with everyone and much love!

_Posted: 12 June 2011_


	23. Entr'acte

Author's Notes: Even though I didn't get the reviews for Chapter Twenty-Two (which is understandable, a lot are mad from the previous chapter) I still went forward and took the plunge. I need some practice in writing lemons, anyhow. This is short, but I don't really consider this a full-blown chapter – more of a continuation from the last. This chapter is rated "M", just as a warning. I will not be giving out anymore "M" rated warnings, I feel like it ruins a chapter beforehand. So please remember that this story is rated this way for a reason. So I hope you enjoy this little short-y, and if it lacks something, sorry.

Just wanted to dedicate this Entr'acte to both SAVAGEGRACEx for the PM (count it as an extra review . . . LOL) and CentauRita for the awesome lemonade stand. Hope it didn't take you too long to build . . . LOL. I shall take the lemon cheesecake!

**Entr'acte**

"_Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.__" _

_- Peter Ustinov _

6 March – Early Morning – Jasper's POV Continued

Bella lay before me on the bed, somewhat sated from our previous activities. The clothes had been removed long before and the soft touches finished. My lips had worshipped her body, taking in every inch her soft flesh, silently trying to remorse into each inch of her skin. There were no secrets left of her curves to my tongue, no taste unforgotten. Bella had softly mewled with each glide of my lips on her gloriously naked body. Her hands had guided me, almost shyly, to where she craved it the most, where her body all but screamed for me to sample.

Over her shoulders, down to the sides of her waist, up the center of her chest, under the swells of her heavy breasts, to the tips of her hardened nipples, off the slopes of her tits, back down the center of her stomach before reaching her sodden center.

Bella's thighs were wet from the constant rubbing together. She had tried to contain her pleasure, but it glistened in the soft light of the lamp. The scent had reached my nose long before, but that didn't mean I couldn't still enjoy the aroma.

My tongue and lips had touched each part of her inner thighs, laving up the wetness. Before she could even ask, I had given in to her desire and allowed my tongue to sweep over her lower lips. They were already swollen. They had ached for attention, and I willingly licked everything it offered.

And when she could take no more, her center had clenched and given over to the pleasure. Bella's splendid whimpers had reached my ears and only encouraged me more. Even though her core was now relaxed, I knew she could take more. I had to become submerged in the passion-riddled core. I wanted to feel as her muscles convulse in fervor around me. How could anything have been more beautiful, besides my glowing angel?

As if she knew what I was thinking, Bella answered my silent needs, "Now, Jasper, come into me, baby," she beseeched. "Fill me," she whispered into my neck. Her timidity reached out to me, but I kissed away her worry. My lips always found a needed release among hers.

"How deep, Bella," I asked wetly, taking the time to nibble on her bottom pout.

"All the way . . . touch every part," she trailed off, her nails running scratches down my exposed back. I hissed from the immense pleasure.

There was nothing left. Both of us wanted to be connected in the most intimate of ways.

"I love you," I hissed in ecstasy over and over as I slipped in, inch by sublime inch. "I love you, always." I was fully seated within. Bella let out a shaky but satisfied breath. This was always her favorite part, feeling completely full by me. She had whispered the words shyly to me, telling me how she liked to feel the slow stretch of her channel walls. Just thinking of her hot words had me instantly moving. We both moaned at the instant friction. The scrape of her muscles against mine was indescribable. The searing gratification which was derived was unsurpassed.

The burn radiated into my cock, intensely. There wasn't a part of me that didn't feel the incredible heat. I could no longer stay still, I had to move. The slow pace picked up, and with that, the sound of our skin while it rubbed against the other. Bella's breath fanned across my chest as she lay beneath me. Her legs were wrapped securely around my lower back, never letting me escape far from her slit. The sweat from her flesh mixed with mine, making another natural lubricant for our touching bodies.

Each thrust into her opening had us both frantic. My hands captured hers and I raised them above her head, pushing them into the pillow. Every part of me wanted to touch her. Bella started to rotate her hips, pulling my cock deeper and further into her unseen core. My breaths started to come quicker. It always seemed too quick with Bella. I wanted to stay shoved in her warmth, eternally.

"Open your eyes, Isabella," I implored roughly between my hurried gasps, never able to catch my breath fully. I was surprised by the instability of my voice.

Bella and I had coupled before, but this one almost over took me completely. Nothing was enough. My member couldn't get inside her enough, my body couldn't slide along hers enough, my lips couldn't sample hers enough, and Bella's scratches along my back didn't hurt enough. Everything seemed to be beyond my reach and my love's continued whimpers of "deeper" reassured me she felt the same. I wasn't the only one falling too quickly, I wasn't the only one needing her more than I ever had, and I wasn't the only one wanting to devour every part of her quivering body.

Bella finally heeded my request and opened her eyes. I reached back and shoved further into her passage, making sure to hit her spot. Her beautifully lined back arched as a singular tear slipped from the corner of her right eye. I bent down and captured it on my tongue, not wanting any part of her escaping me.

"Jasper," she wept. I bent down once again, never losing my pace and captured my name on her succulent lips. "There," she exclaimed as my new position afforded us a new angle. Over and over again, I pulled out, only to push back in. The hotness was a slow torture that I became addicted to. Scorching walls continued to close around me, compressing me within the furnace. It was believed that fire could consume vampires, but Bella's quim seemed to prove them differently. It only invigorated me further. The heat was exquisite and something I never wanted to relinquish. I wanted to always be inside my love.

However, that unattainable wish could never be granted. Our congruent movements became turbulent, everything became overwhelming, our scents swirled around us, the air leaving our opened mouths became mixed, and our attached privates became one. The friction had worked its magic, the heat had burned us both alive. There was nowhere for the heat to escape, and just when I felt as I would leave this existence a happy, burnt vampire, Bella reached her ultimate rapture. She engulfed me from the inside out and carried me over the edge with her. Our releases mixed together, making them one and indistinguishable. The scent was glorious.

"Jasper," she spoke through her ecstasy.

My lips found the delicate curve of her shoulder and sucked her skin into my mouth. I continued to make little thrusts inside her, helping her to prolong the glorious sensations. It was something I always enjoyed, feeling the wetness of our coupling against my cock as I slipped against her walls.

"Only you . . . angel," I mumbled between her skin in my mouth. She sighed from the sensation, and simply enjoyed the reactions her body produced.

I knew that not all was forgiven from before. Perhaps Bella had told me all was fine, but I hadn't believed her fully. There was something still lingering in her emotions I couldn't understand. It only caused me to still hurt from hurting her. I still needed to prove my undying love and utter devotion to Bella. Only time would afford me the opportunity. However, now wasn't the time for that line of thinking. My angel's hips started to move again, begging me to take her even harder than last time. My kitten was voracious and it fucking drove me crazy.

My hips started their own mount. Bella's moans only encouraged me to go faster. I was amazed that she was even ready for more. Our last session hadn't been the easiest, yet she still wanted me.

I started to drill in her with precision. The bed frame beneath us creaked from the strain. The sheets had long fallen to the floor, making way for our frenzied bodies. My hands found her hips and brought her to me, helping her to keep pace, although she did a fine job on her own. She was insatiable for my cock inside her.

I wanted to fuck her into submission, have her scream my name to the roof tops. I knew I could be demanding in bed, but Bella seemed to bring me to another level. I wanted to fuck her so hard that she would have trouble walking the next day. I hated these dark thoughts, but the vampire in me craved for me to take her roughly – without abandon. I would give it to Bella forcefully, as she begged, but there was a limit I wouldn't pass. There was something inside me that always err on the side of caution.

Once again I found myself ascending to my release.

"There, Jasper!" Bella cried, as I finally touched her erogenous spot. She wasn't far from falling as I pounded over and over into the sensitive area. I usually left the spot for last. It never failed to send my angel chasing her freedom.

"Baby," she gasped, her body shaking from sensations that raced through her veins. I could feel each of them through my empathic gift. It was another way we became intimately connected. "never . . . keep on . . . there . . ." she spoke with no rhyme, only letting her passion spur her words. It was incredibly sexy and never neglected to have me pushing into her rougher than I intended. She seemed to know the buttons to push to have me treating her more physical. The kitten liked to push her boundaries unknowingly, too caught up in her passion to notice.

"Here, kitten," I grunted, trying to hold on for a while longer. My cock never got enough of her heat. "Do you want me to fuck you here?" I pushed deeply into her prurient spot, lavishing as she moaned into my neck.

"Tell me aloud, Bella," I instructed breathlessly. I needed to hear her speak. I wanted to feel the soft exhales of her breath as they washed over me.

"Yes . . . can't . . . anymore," she panted brokenly.

A few more deep plunges and my love fell over. I took over and started to find my release. Bella's hands clung to my shoulders as I rode her, needing to sink my cock into her. My hips moved of their own accord as I penetrated Bella to the hilt. My kitten sent her love and own passion flying at me. Her emotions all but dive-bombed into my chest, and with a cry of her name on my lips, her muscles squeezing me for dear life and nothing else racing through my thoughts, I finally let go. It was a glorious release that had me spilling far within my love.

I allowed myself to collapse, taking care to not crush her. Bella fisted her hands in my curls and guided my lips to hers. We spent several minutes becoming lost in each other kiss. My lips glided over every inch of hers. The suppleness of her skin gave way to my more hardened one, shaping around me. Our tongues languidly caressed the other, trying to say with words that we lacked. I pulled back and kissed each corner of her mouth.

"I adore you, Isabella," I told her fervently.

"I know, Jasper," she whispered, her chest rising with each word she spoke. I enjoyed as her breast became flattened against my granite chest. The softness of her body never ceased to pull me in.

"Ceaselessly, angel."

The rest of the night had been spent with Bella sleeping in my arms. I watched and reveled having her in my embrace. I would never understand what I had done to capture such a being, and I didn't want to. There were some things in our relationship that I valued, and the anonymity of our connection constituted one of those.

I placed a soft kiss into her tangled hair and emotionally let go for the first time that night.

* * *

Author's Notes Continued: So what does one do when they are handed lemons, why make lemonade, of course. Hopefully this bit wasn't as disappointing as the last chapter. ;D

Just an FYI: the question that a lot of you are anxious to know will be coming up in a couple of chapters, _oh yes_. Do you know which one? It's the big neon pink elephant in the room . . . *hint*.

Hope all is well with everyone and much love.

_Posted: 14 June 2011_


	24. Chapter XXIII

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

"_When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.__" _

_- Catherine Ponder _

9 March – Thursday – Alice's POV

Carlisle finally approached me. I had seen this conversation already in my head and didn't look forward to hearing things that I had rejected for so long. He sat next to me on the couch as I continued to stare at the nonexistent fire in the hearth. His voice was soft, yet firm as he laid out my faults and many past mistakes.

Carlisle had wanted to approach me, but as per Bella's request, held off. All bets were now off in his line of thinking. He laid the truth out in his uncomplicated way, making it clear as vampire sight.

"You were the one to let Jasper go, Alice. We make our choices and then have to live the consequences. There's nothing to be done. He heeded your advice and moved on. You must do the same, daughter," his words were soft, but not inspiring. He told me things that I already knew and had lived, but were unhelpful. I was more than aware of not being able to go back.

"I didn't have any choice, Carlisle. I saw the future and knew his possibilities, and none of them featured me as his leading lady." Carlisle just shook his head, either in sadness or denial I wasn't sure.

However, I didn't need his assessment on the situation. I had already come to these conclusions. The hatred I had shown to Bella had never been fair and never deserved. The words that I had spoken to Carlisle were my last ditch effort in wanting things to be a different way, and knowing with everything in me that they never would. I was now simply preaching to the choir.

"I refuse to believe such a statement, Alice. I am well acquainted with your gift, and it has brought many benefits to our family, but I can't believe your words." I looked at the head of our family in shock. I had never heard him speak of my power in such a manner, as if it were skewed somehow. The shock was like another wake-up call to my already overwrought system. I was more self-involved than I ever realized. Just because Carlisle never voiced his opinion on my contingent visions aloud, didn't mean he never thought they weren't limited. It was something I assumed. I sure did think highly of myself.

"You may have seen some possibilities of the future, Alice, but you sold out," tears came into my eyes from his words. I couldn't understand why he would say such a thing to me. I had been through hell and back after releasing Jasper. Nothing still compared with that pain that had come from such a decision. My soul still felt barren without him.

"Carlisle, please don't speak anymore."

His voice broke through my dry sobs. "You let Jasper go," he stated the obvious once again. "You never allowed him the opportunity to choose you. The choices of his future may have passed before your eyes, dear, but they were just that: future choices. His love for you may have outshined all that you witnessed." I couldn't believe that outcome. If I wanted to stay sane, I had to push that far from my mind.

"No, Carlisle, I cannot believe such a thing. Jasper would have eventual left me; he was always meant for _her_," the statement felt like poison on my lips, but wasn't spoken as such. It was simply stated. "I just took the hardship of him having to leave me from his hands. I didn't want Jasper to go through such pain on my behalf. He would have eventually left. His pull to Bella is unlike anything I've ever seen. I didn't want him to live with the guilt of him having to dump me for her." I could see the understanding in my father's eyes and the past pain we had all lived through when Jasper first left us.

"Remember what I told you long ago, Alice, when you were once again struggling to live?"

The depression I felt in Jasper's absence had been staggering and affected everyone around me. Edward had to live with my constant thoughts of pain and relive my past memories over and over. Esme had cried for her children and mourned the loss of her son. Carlisle had tried to remain calm and stoic for us, but even he had succumbed to his pain. However, he lived through his pain far from the family, trying to remain strong in our presence. I had seen his episodes of grief through my visions and felt the guilt that I had caused.

Rose had also struggled, and the amount of pain she had felt in Jasper's absence surprised me. They had pretended to be twins for our family's sake, but their connection was something I never realized. She had been reserved, even more so than usual, with his lack of presence. Emmett had been there for her and carried the burden of her anger. She snapped at others more frequently, letting her anger be known. She and Edward had argued even more.

As time passed and we became more accustomed with our missing family member, things began to settle. Everyone seemed to get on with their life in some form or other while we waited for Jasper's return. I was the only one not progressing. I had refused to hunt and lived in my life in a darkened hole. I refused to leave my room or even socialize with the family. My hurt was still very much evident and seemed to have no course of leaving. It wasn't until Carlisle had finally found me one night after going a month without hunting. My strength was depleted so I couldn't run from his truths. I had wondered if he waited so long before confronting me, knowing that I would find some means of escape from his words if possible. I was always a stubborn bitch.

…

_November (Three months after Jasper first met Bella)_

"_This cannot continue, Alice! Things need to change." I didn't even have the strength to look at him. I tried to block out his words, but couldn't even find the energy for that. He sat down beside me on the bed, the one Jasper and I had shared, his scent barely clinging to the mattress. My father's fingers sought my hair and started to caress the short tresses in a soothing manner._

"_We all miss him, darling, and his absence will always be felt until he returns, but we cannot continue to mourn until that time comes." I wanted to argue, but found I couldn't as my eyes started to sting with venom. "You have a burden to bear, we all do. Now I need you to carry it with the grace and poise I know you to possess." I just wanted the stinging tears to fall from my eyes. _

"_I tell you this because of love, dear. _Everything I do is for my family is out of love_." _

_And before the vision could fully hit me, Carlisle took me into his arms and forced my mouth open. As I went to struggle, but found I was too weak to rally against his actions. Slight gurgles left my throat as he forced my jaw open and brought a cup to my lips. _

_The smell hit my nose with a vengeance, causing my throat to burn with fierceness. Thick, luscious blood flowed into my mouth and helped to sooth the massive sting. "That right, Alice, swallow," he gently directed me as I drank the substance he fed to me. I felt like a child, but still very much loved. I had refused to take care of my needs and had thus forced my father's hand. There was little that Carlisle wouldn't do for his family. "I'm sorry," he apologized, his voice sounded broken._

_I knew it was difficult for him, having to force me to eat, but I never blamed him. His only fault was in loving such a pathetic vampire. He wiped the excess blood that spilled from my mouth with a handkerchief. "There wasn't much, but even that has made some improvement." I finally had the strength to look at him. His face was still severely creased with his worry. "Are you able to speak?" _

"_Yes," I said, the tone sounding like sandpaper. Venom continued to fill both of our eyes. _

"_It's time, Alice." His voice became solemn again. _

"_I've allowed you your time to heal and come to terms, but I need you to return." It wasn't a command, more of a plea. _

_My mourning had taken its toll on the family in ways that I hadn't even realized. I was too far lost in my own agony. _

"_I know it still hurts, Ali," his tone sounded almost as wounded as my own, making my guilt flare even more. "It will continue to do so. I cannot lie and say that everything will magically disappear. There is only so much I can shield you. It's time for my daughter to take her place within the family and join us. You have the fortitude, no matter what you may think." _

_His words were inspiring, but my heart felt like the things he spoke were lies. _

_I looked over to my closed curtains and could see the tiny ray of light that broke through the slit. I didn't have any idea what day it was or the time, but I could see that the sun had continued to shine. That small reminder had put so many things into perspective along with Carlisle console. It was amazing how the little things in life taught the most and spoke of much truth, without a voice to utter them. My father had been right, and my time of silent suffering and not taking care of me were over. It was time. _

_The sun continued to shine – regardless. _

"_I'll make a deal with you," my voice broke; it was still scratchy from lack of strength and use, "if I start to live again, then you cannot tell Jasper about what we have been like without him, the very specifics." Carlisle wore a hesitant look; he didn't like to keep secrets and knew that not many could be kept within our family. _

_This was, however, something I needed from him. If Jasper were to find out through other means (meaning not word of mouth), then I would understand. I just didn't want someone blabbing to him about the heartache that was caused from his being away from us. _

"_I don't know, Alice. It's difficult keeping something a mystery in the family, yet alone with Emmett not speaking." A smile broke over both of our faces at the comment. _

"_Please!" I begged in a raspy voice. "I don't ask for much, Carlisle." He gave me a slightly disbelieving look, but I continued, "but this is something I need." I didn't know if it was the tone of my weak voice, or the desolate look that plagued my face, or the black circles that rimmed my back eyes which got Carlisle to agree, but something shifted and he allowed me the concession._

_He bent down and sealed our deal with a kiss to my forehead. "Now you must come with me to hunt. You are in serious need of nutrition, Alice. You've depleted your normal levels and your body is being sustained with nothing but your venom and atrophied muscles," my doctor chided me. _

_I didn't even know it had been possible for vampires to lose muscle mass, but it did make sense. Even our dead bodies had to be sustained with something. _

"_Come now, daughter," he spoke softly, but in a light voice, "let's see who can take down the bigger animal. I'm sure I could best you even with your assisting gift. Leave it to my father to try and make everything better. The little cup of blood that I had earlier only helped somewhat, as Carlisle assisted me from my bed and into a standing position._

"_I love you, Carlisle." I was overcome with emotion for him in that moment. There was only so much he could stand to see me suffer. His love was always reaching and in that moment had been sufficient for me to start living my life again. _

…

We never spoke of that time with Jasper. He knew that we had felt his disappearance, but never the extent or the toll it had taken on us. That was my guilt to bear and not his. I always tried to shield him from unnecessary pain, until Bella had entered our life. It made me sick to think how I could change in the drop of a hat.

Esme hadn't been too keen on the idea, but once Carlisle laid down the law, his word was upheld (the majority of the time, one couldn't really compete with the lack of filter on Emmett's brain).

"You told me '_it was time'_, Carlisle. It would always hurt, and there was only so much you could do to shelter me." Once again a sad smile lingered on his face as he heard his words from long ago.

"Those were far from easy times, hmm?" All I could do was nod; the knot in my throat was strong and had a tight hold.

He seemed to understand because he spoke again, "I didn't tell you these things long ago because I feared what would have happened. I no longer fear for you, Alice. I know you are strong enough to withstand this trial. Thirteen years have passed, daughter. You and Jasper have been separated for a long time. I know we cannot measure something that doesn't affect us, but when it comes to matters of the heart, even that isn't free of time." I wondered why he always had to be right. I internally smiled at that thought, even though I still felt immense pain and guilt.

"These words may seem harsh, but know they are accompanied with my love; you've had ample time to mourn and come to terms with this, Alice. I now need you to move on and put aside such petty grievances. This attitude you now have isn't becoming of you. I know my daughter to be kind, loving, and gracious to others; not catty, mean spirited, vicious, and a down right bitch. It was always Rose that I had to chide for such behavior, not my loving and bubbly Alice. Once again, it's time. I say these words for the final time and expect you to abide them." I opened my mouth to argue, but was never afforded the opportunity.

Carlisle's finger was placed over my lips, while a brilliant shine came into his eyes. The tears pooled from the corners before covering his entire eye.

"There is nothing to refute, Alice. You've known the truth for a long time, and when I watched you this afternoon, I could see that realization written clearly on your face. Release the anger and torment, darling. It is easier said than done, I know, but that burden will be gone and the weight will no longer hold you captive."

I looked deeply into his eyes and my heart broke, there was nothing left to hold onto. Everything was in the open, and the things I had carried for years were placed at my father's feet. He caught me before I could hit the floor.

After my sore body had been rid of everything I had carried for over a decade and the sobs receded, they were replaced with Carlisle's strong embrace and luke-warm lips on my forehead. "I'm always here for you, Alice. Nothing could ever take your place in my life, love."

He hit on one of the things I had feared the most. With Bella around, what need was there for me in the family. My anger had been placed on her for no reason, simply because I was embittered and full of hatred.

"I need you to apologize to Isabella, Alice. She deserves to hear the sincere words from your lips." Carlisle's chide wasn't needed.

I had already come to that decision the moment I had unfairly exploded at her. I just nodded my head in surrender, but the yielding was more to me than my father.

"And then I need you to take a break from the family."

These had been the words I feared the most from him. I already knew he was going to utter them, but it didn't lessen the hurt. However, it was only fair. Carlisle had given me my opportunities, and I squandered them. One never really contemplated the consequences of their actions until one had to live them. It was a cruel irony, and something that even affected us vampires. We weren't exempt from life's lessons just because we were immortal.

"Okay," I managed to squeak. The two weeks I spent away from the family prior to Jasper and Bella coming back from their "vacation" wasn't nearly enough, and I was well aware of that. I had chosen to come home, regardless if I was actually ready or not. My selfishness knew no bounds, and that fact scared me.

"This is a hard decision for me to make, Alice. I love you truly, but you need some time to reflect. There are some truths you need to face, darling. It is never easy to ask any of my children to leave. It's like a part of my soul is being ripped from me." The truth of his words was tragically written in his wet eyes. It was another unneeded pain I had caused and now had to come to terms with. "But more than myself, I know you need this time. I'll be sad, but happy in the knowledge you are healing." I nodded my head before burrowing it into his chest. The only thing I could hear was the jagged breaths whooshing in his lungs.

We sat there for a while, reflecting in our father/daughter bond. A love like Carlisle was something that could never be matched in anyone. I never knew anything like it; the love was staggering in its weight.

"And when you return, love," he whispered in my hair, "my arms will be open in welcome. Don't ever doubt my love for you again! It is something I won't tolerate. You only have to ask Jasper of that fact." A sob broke over me. It turned out that my biggest fear had been my greatest misunderstanding. We each had our individual places in Carlisle's soul, and Bella had simply created her own, never encroaching on mine.

Her grace was almost as staggering as Carlisle's. If I hadn't known better, I would have said Carlisle was her biological father. Their love and acceptance of people was unmatched. It was that benevolence which sent them above everyone else. They didn't even realize the magnitude the beauty of their gifts, but gave it continuously.

_The shit was finally ending_, as Jasper had thought.

…

* * *

11 March – Saturday – Bella's POV

Jasper and Bella's House

The house was quiet as things settled around me. Jasper had gone hunting for the day and Rose had come and taken Cheyenne with her. She called it their girl bonding time. She had invited me to go along, but I wanted Rose to have the solo time with Cheyenne. She loved her so very much and doted on her little princess. It was also scary how much Cheyenne looked like Rose. When we went out together, and people stopped to admire Cheyenne, they always assumed she was Rose's instead of mine.

This never hurt my feelings because if Cheyenne looked like Rose in any way I was honored they thought such a thing. But also because Rose was more than looks, she was so resilient and independent. Her life story was a testament to it. She didn't allow others to hurt her and loved fiercely those she had taken into her heart. Cheyenne would always be protected by her auntie.

My mind turned to Jasper. I missed Jasper while he was away on his hunting trips, but knew he needed and deserved the breaks. He went so rarely, but when he did give in to Emmett's incessant whining, and his father's simple plea, I knew enjoyed himself. It was also nice at time, to be on my own. The times were rare.

A knock sounded at the door, causing me to jump a little in fright. My thoughts became scattered as I cautiously walked toward the door, trying to figure out who it was. We didn't receive many guests. I rose up on my toes and looked out the peep hole. A gasp left my parted lips when I spied my visitor. I unlocked the door and slowly opened it.

"Hello, Alice," I said uncertainly. I didn't want to fight anymore.

Alice finally looked up from the ground and met my eyes. Before she even spoke, I could see the remorse and longing for forgiveness written in her despondent gaze.

"Bella, may I come in?" Her gaze quickly left mine (as if afraid of rejection) and looked to the ground. I opened the door wider, not having to think of my action. She raised her head, looking a little more hopeful. I didn't let any emotions cross my face. I wanted to know what she truly wanted first.

We both made our way into the living room and sat on opposite ends of the sofa. I started to play with my hands, not really sure what to say or how to proceed. I had learned to be cautious in my deeds around her.

"I'm utterly and completely sorry, Bella!" she wailed, not really giving me any time to adjust to her sudden presence. Her body started to tremble.

I wanted to reach out to her, but wasn't sure how she would receive the action. I was also still weary of her and her previous behavior. There were only so many times a person could take being stung before they eventually died from the poison. I was almost full to the brim.

"There are no words or explanations that could ever resolve or explain away my deplorable behavior towards you." I wanted to say something, but again, didn't know how to carry on.

"I've never been unsure in my family's love," she went on to explain through her shaky voice. It was a little difficult to understand her around the intense emotions that clogged her throat. "I didn't even have to rely on my gift to know of their love for me. It was always a given. When I let Jasper go, I knew there would be no reunion for us. I had accepted that to a degree, Bella, but it didn't lessen the pain." I could only nod, knowing what she spoke of. I was in complete agreement.

"It pained me terribly to watch the two of you together, the way he gently caressed your skin, the love radiating off of him in heavy waves. It pained me even more to watch how my family instantly loved and cherished you. It was like you were always a member of our motley crew." She smiled a little at the title.

"You see, Bella, that was always my position. I never realized how much I truly loved that role in my family. I also learned how much of a selfish bitch I truly am. That revelation scared me, and I took out that fear and anger out on you. Jasper was a part of the resentment, but so was my uncertainty with my family. It was uncalled for and something that should have never happened."

"I'm sorry if our relationship hurt you, Alice. I do and try to be mindful of you. He was yours first and there will always be a special place in his heart that is reserved for you." She went to shake her head in refusal, but I continued on. "That is the way it should be with first loves, Alice, something that one looks on with fondness and warm memories."

Mike passed though my thoughts and I knew I would always think of him with a smile and with gentleness. He may not have been my first love (because Jasper had unconsciously held that spot), but I still allowed him to love me first.

"But even with the understanding I have for you, you should have realized that your family loves you. It was cruel the way you treated them. It's something I don't really understand but can see plainly." Her pained-looking eyes turned to me.

"And what's that, Bella?" she asked gently. It was strange hearing any gentleness directed my way from her.

" . . . The love the Cullen's has for you. I don't really understand it because my upbringing was different, but I can empathize because of my love for my daughter. Nothing could ever replace her in my life, not even Jasper's love. That's really hard to admit, but the truth." My love for them was different and unique in its own right. "I can also understand never getting over, Jasper."

A soft smile couldn't help but come to my face.

"Those whom have ever been loved by Jasper have had such a gift. They are given this part of him that is shy and reserved. I know he is confident in his abilities, but he is shy when it comes to his love. It took him a while before he finally fell for both Carlisle and Esme. I know he thought because of his control issues he would be a hindrance to them, but I think there is more to it. I think Jasper was afraid that if he let them into his life and allowed himself to love them, it would be taken away because they couldn't cope with his killing anymore. Jasper had already lost much respect for himself; he couldn't allow the seemingly perfect love of Carlisle and Esme to also slip."

Alice eyes became thick with venom, and I felt bad for bring up painful memories. I started to chew on the inside of my cheek, not knowing what I had really said to make her cry.

"It's fine, Bella, I'm just being silly," she said, answering my unspoken curiosity. A small smile came to her beautiful face, and I could recognize why Jasper had been so in love with her; she was the picture of gentility and femininity, well when not being a bitch.

She shook her head as if trying to rid it of her emotions. "I just truly see how much you comprehend Jasper. It seems even better than I had." I shook my head. "No, Bella. It's true. What you just said about Jasper was beautiful, something I never realized. I just thought I was enough for him, and he was just humoring me in living with the Cullen's. I guess it shows how vain and self-centered I still truly am, and here I thought it was just Rose." She laughed at herself, but I couldn't. There were some lines not really crossed with me. I may have been weak when people talked about me, and that was fine. However, I couldn't stand that for others.

"Alice, I'm sure it can be true about you being self-centered, and I've seen that on occasion." I hated to make these accusations. I didn't like to judge, but it was now called on me. "However, your family always talks about your protectiveness and determination to watch out for them. They talk of your immense love and how you bring it to the family. Don't doubt your place in their life!" She gave me a sheepish look, but I wasn't sure for how long it would last.

"And DON"T talk of Rosie like that," I chided, my tone meant I was serious. I detested how people misjudged Rose. She was one of the most beautiful people I knew, and my true sister. Alice's words couldn't go unchecked.

"She has been AMAZING to Cheye and me. I know she may seem that way, but there is so much to her, and the depths she loves by. She doesn't show that part to many people, because she is also a scared little girl, afraid of rejection. She and Jasper are very much alike in more than just their looks. She loves and breaks, just like everyone else in your family. She also becomes hurt by judgments like that. I don't presume to know her better than you, but it hurts me when I hear people speak of her in such a manner. Don't do that in my presence!" Alice nodded her head before asking me a question I thought about a lot.

"Why don't you stick up for yourself like that, Bella? Why do you take all of my shit?" There were numerous reasons why I had taken her hatred, but those were personal reasons. However, I gave her one honest answer.

"I never thought I was worth it," came the somewhat simple answer. "I've had self-esteem problems for a long while. Jasper's love has gone a long way in helping me to overcome those issues, but it is something that cannot be solved quickly. It seems to take me longer than most people, but I'll eventually get there." I gave her a wobbly, guarded smile. There was only so much I could give to Alice at the time. It was going to take some time to come to terms with how she had treated me.

She seemed to understand my reluctance in answering her because I could see the shame on her face, for making such a statement about her sister and her behavior towards me. Now that I had said my peace I wanted to change the subject and finish what we had already started.

"So are we going to be okay from now on? I understand you will always have feelings for Jasper, and I respect that, but I don't show him those affections in a physical way, Alice. I have forgiven Jasper already, (_as much as I can at the moment_ . . _. I added in my head_) and I will also forgive you in time. It was a kiss that said goodbye and thanks for the amazing memories together, but it still hurts, nonetheless. I'm not perfect either, and I will make my fair share of mistakes. If I were to say goodbye to my first love, I'm not sure if I wouldn't kiss him either," I confessed honestly.

It didn't mean I didn't love Jasper any less; it was just a need to make things final with the past.

"Jasper will always forgive you also, Bella. No matter what you do. He loves you, and who knows that more than me," his ex whispered.

All I could do was look into her eyes and see the truth and her mistakes in hurting him long ago. She seemed to see into my soul, which was somewhat scary, but was also comforting. It was like she saw and recognized that part in me that loved him, that part in me that always wanted to protect him. Alice had done the same when trying to shield him from slipping-up. I could never imagine having to give Jasper up for anything. I didn't want to think about that.

"I know, Alice," I whispered. Jasper's love for me was never ending and I knew that if we ever did not end up together – for whatever reason – he would always love me. Tears came to my eyes at the horrid thought, but there were never any guarantees in this life, whether one lived on this earth for ten . . . fifty . . . seventy years . . . or an eternity. It's what connected every race and creature together: uncertainty.

"And I would forgive Jasper, also. It's the way relationships works, and if one isn't willing to put in the effort, then why even try." She looked away.

"Yes, Bella," she finally answered after awhile. "I think we are going to okay. It will take us work of our own, especially on my part, but I think with time we'll be fine. You know . . . I've seen us being friends in the future." She waggled her eyebrows at her all seeing ways and we both gave each other shy smiles. The concept seemed foreign. "Although it was a while back . . ." Alice admitted. Jasper had told me of her faulty gift in regards to our family. I was thankful for that glitch.

"Don't tell Jasper you told me that, you know how he feels about your visions." A sly smile came to her face, and I knew my advice came too late. "You already told him?" I asked in a mock fright. "And how did he react?" I bit my nails for more of an effect. Alice giggled a tinkling laugh before she copied me and answered.

"He was just grateful there would be a time we would get along. And I also knew if I wanted to keep him in my life _as a friend_," she added with emphasis, "things would have to change, that change coming in the form of how I treated you so wretchedly." She gave me another sad smile as an apology. I didn't respond.

She then looked over her shoulder as if she was watching out for someone. I was mystified by this action. She turned back around and said in a stage whisper, "If you ever want to kick my ass, I'll understand, and I'm sure Jasper would cheer you on. Rose would eat popcorn just for the blessed event."

A laugh broke out from my throat at her comment. That was too delicious. My poor little Jasper would probably cheer for me. He would be getting a big smacking kiss for that thought. My poor little vampire seemed like he could win either way, my lips on his beautifully flawed skin would only add to the pleasure. I could already taste the flavor of his skin in my mouth. Just thinking of him made my cheeks flush red. Alice cleared her throat and I came back to the present. She understood why my face was flooded with my blood.

"Perhaps we can do something sometime, yeah?" she whispered, not really looking at me.

"Yeah, perhaps," I answered, not ready to give a definitive answer. It would come with time, just like everything else in life. "We could do something with just the two of us some time? I know Rosie, Carlisle, Esme, or Jasper wouldn't mind watching Cheyenne. They may choose straws to see who got the chance. One would think they never got the opportunity to see her," I said in humor.

She was a lucky child to have so much love in her life. I was beyond grateful she had such reassurances, and wouldn't have to doubt like I had.

"It'll have to wait till I come back," she murmured, staring at the many pictures we had around the room. I wanted to be surprised at her news, but I somehow knew she would leave. It wasn't that her family didn't love her, but she needed the time away. I understood that concept. Even though my circumstances had been different, I had also left. Renee had asked me to come back, but I refused, even when her husband had been long dead.

"Of course, Alice." I didn't want to ask why or when she was leaving. It wasn't my business. I just hope she would find the answers and comfort to her unanswered quires or problems. We deserved solace in life."I hope you find what you need." She just nodded and we sat in silence for a while. It was uncomfortable, but that was fine, major strides had been taken.

By the time she was ready to leave, I boldly reached out to her small frame and pulled her into me. My father had once told me to hate them with kindness, and it was something I prescribed to. I could feel her stiffen before she melted a little. All wasn't forgiven, but I couldn't hold onto her problems of me. I wasn't built that way, and I had more important things in life to worry about then someone's hatred. Jasper and Cheyenne were on the forefront.

Her body unexpectedly broke into sobs, and I understood why she cried. "I'm so sorry, Bella, for being such a revolting and dreadful bitch, for taking out my anger on you!" she cried while choking on her words.

"I just loved Jasper and it was hard to watch him with someone else. I was also intimidated by you. My family loves you – and for someone who prides themselves on seeing the future – I couldn't see my place within my family anymore. You never deserved such scorn and derision from me. I'm just incredibly sorry!" she whimpered pitifully.

I held onto her tighter before I dropped to the floor, letting out an '_oomph_' when she landed on my lap a little too hard. She curled into a little ball. It was a heart-breaking sight and one that came from deep within her, where the pain fester and ate away at her. I started to tear up as I held her. I never wanted to live with kind of hatred.

This situation would have been beyond awkward if someone has seen us and knew of the contempt she had held for me, but I couldn't let her suffer in her pain. That wasn't how I was built.

"I don't understand how you could befriend me, B-Bella, after t-the way I treated you!" she whimpered, her sobs finally subsiding after time. It was a difficult concept for her to understand about me, but I still tried to explain.

"What type of person would I be if I could never forgive? What kind of example would I be to my daughter if I couldn't forgive when really needed? How would I ever be able to teach my daughter to forgive if I cannot even apply the concept into my own life, Alice? So do you see where I'm coming from?" The little vampire nodded a little, pulling her head from my shoulder. She placed her hand on my face and I held in the shiver from the coldness.

"You are an excellent mother, Bella. I don't need to be a seer to know such a thing, and it would never come as a surprise. Thank you for the understanding and for being such a woman. Jasper deserves you." I knew it took a lot for her to make such a concession.

She was telling me that Jasper and I belonged together and understood our love. Again I marveled at her strength. She stood up from my grasp and helped to pull me up.

"I look forward to getting to know you better, Bella," Alice whispered."When I'm better and more thankful of what I have." She kissed my cheek lightly and quickly left out the front door. I knew she was going to break down. She didn't want an audience. She would have to eventually learn to forgive herself. It was always the hardest part in learning to forgive.

I locked the door after her. I headed back into the living room and pulled the blanket over my legs. I looked out the window, watching the clouds lazily drift by in the sky.

…

Jasper finally came home and sat next to me on the couch. I had been lost in my own world and didn't notice his return.

"Why so sad, angel? Your face was meant for beams, not tears." He was always so beautiful with his words. I knew my eyes were still red from the residue of my earlier tears.

"Alice came by earlier," I spoke softly, hearing Jasper exhale loudly.

"I thought she was going to be fucking better. Damn her for upsetting you!" He of course jumped to those conclusions. I pulled his hand to my face and kissed his palm.

"No, Jasper. It was fine," I said, putting his warm skin on my cheek. He rubbed it with his fingers. "She apologized, and we actually had an honest conversation this afternoon. We've reached a tentative understanding." My vampire smiled a knowing smile, as if he already knew what we had been up to.

"That's wonderful, angel," his voice was gentle.

"Yeah, Jasper, it was rather nice. Perhaps we can at some point become friends. I know it's still going to somewhat weird and strained between us, but hopefully with time and her being away healing, things will get better." Jasper started to look away and I knew what he was thinking. He was feeling the guilt from his previous actions with Alice. It was a pure remorseful look on his face. My smile was genuine at the look. It made my heart light.

He looked at me in that moment, his small smile barely reaching his dark ambers as he pulled me further into his arms. "Of course they will angel!" His voice became huskier the further I fell into his arms, "Shall I start to make it more than better, kitten?" the randy vampire asked. He gently nipped my neck, causing me to shudder with want for him.

"Please, YES!" I all but shouted, embarrassing myself. Jasper' finally just smiled as he picked me up at vampire speed and ran toward our room.

My laughter chased us as the door shut with a resounding thud.

* * *

Author's Notes: Thanks so much for all the reviews! They are always appreciated, loves! Yay, Alice is finally done and out of the picture! If you have the time, I'd love to know your thoughts! They are always wonderful and witty - even when you're mad at me . . . LOL. Hope all is well with everyone and much love as always, darlings!

_Posted: 22 June 2011_


	25. Chapter XXIV

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. **No** copyright infringement intended.

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

"_The more connections you and your lover make, _not just between your bodies_, but between your minds, your hearts, and your souls, the more you will strengthen the fabric of your relationship, and the more real __moments__ you will experience together.__"_

_- Barbara De Angelis _

12 April – Wednesday – Bella's POV

'_What was a girl to do'_, I thought to myself.

Over and over the words flitted through my head. It's not as if I was a teenager any longer, uncontrolled hormones running rampant through my system. But as the thunder clapped high above us in the clearing, the only thing I could process was the tight pants. Perhaps that sneaky vampire had done it on purpose. I wouldn't put anything past my sexy guy.

The baseball game continued, and I became lost in the grace and agility they presented. I shouldn't have been all that surprised, but I was nonetheless. I had always thought baseball boring, but my mind quickly changed sides. Did all players look as good as Jasper? I answered that question with a resounding '_hell no_'. Jasper was in a league unto himself.

Inning after inning they played and sometimes cheated. It was difficult to watch the action because of my limited human sight, but I enjoyed it. Jasper, Rosie and Edward were on one team, while Carlisle, Emmett and Alice were on the other. It seemed evenly matched with Esme playing umpire. She had the toughest role, in my opinion. She had to break-up arguments, make the right calls, put an end to the cheating, and try to find some fair ground amongst the squabbling bunch. It was a fun yet somewhat tiring sight to watch. If it wasn't for Jasper's _tight_ pants, I would have already fallen asleep. Perhaps I hadn't gotten enough sleep the previous night.

Cheye and I sat on a lounge chair under a beach umbrella. Her little back was lined with my stomach. Her coos filled the air as she also watched and entertained herself while playing with her feet.

The longer the game continued, the more I found myself becoming hot, wanting it to end. I hit a yawn behind my hand. It was hard work watching Jasper strut around in such revealing clothes.

And finally, after another hour of the slow and sinuous torture, the game ended. Jasper's team won. I found myself clapping Cheye and my hands together for our man. It was now my turn to celebrate. I had a lot of ideas running through my head, all of them causing me to become flushed.

…

Jasper was riding high off his win, not really paying attention to anything but Emmett's whining. I did love it when Emm whined. It was utterly adorable. He would poop his vampire britches if he heard my thoughts. He fancied himself nothing but hot and sexy. He was . . . but he didn't ooze it continuously like my vampire. Just thinking about Jasper had me squirming again.

After they were done and started to leave the clearing, Rose walked over to me. She must have seen something on my face, because she smiled, plucked the smiling Cheyenne from my arms, and whispered for only me to hear, "Go about your business, sister." I would have laughed at the words she used if I wasn't so focused on my goal.

"Let's go Emmett," she yelled, somewhat, trying not to scare Cheye. Her husband stopped his whining long enough to look over at us. He went to go argue, but was instantly silenced with that patented look that only Rose could give. Emmett said something to Jasper that I couldn't hear and ran over to us.

Rose grabbed his hand with her free arm and started leading him away. "Can I hold the tater tot, Rosie?" He sounded like a hyperactive man-child. I did love Emmett. He somehow was able to retain his innocence and joviality. His wife said something that had him bouncing like a pogo stick.

Once they were gone, the only people left were Jasper and me. The thunder still sounded in the distance, signaling the storm was passing. I thought it strange at first that the Cullen's wanted to play baseball in a storm, but after Jasper had explained the noise they made, it became clear. Not that it was a difficult concept to understand.

The sound of Jasper collecting the bats brought me back to the present. Since we kept the equipment at our house, Jasper was left gathering. I was surprised that everyone had left, but those thoughts were once again replaced with the vampire in front of me. His sinfully snug pants curved around his muscular legs, leaving little to the imagination. He bent over to retrieve something, and I found myself blushing, trying to keep my saliva from escaping the confines of my mouth. Damn, he was beyond gorgeous. I had to tighten my legs as I took in his shirt that molded around his arms and the curls that played along the nape of his neck.

I found myself about ready to jump that vampire. I was beyond ready to do something about my aroused situation. I was embarrassed for being so wanton, but I needed that sexy vampire more than I needed air to breathe.

…

Jasper's POV

"Are you ready to leave, Bella?" I asked her while collecting the rest of the baseball equipment. I looked in her direction to gage her facial reaction. I shot her my winning smile. She gave me an incredulous look, as if I had gone crazy. "What?" I asked, clueless. I was stumped as to what she thought was obvious.

"Jasper!" Bella exhaled. She sounded exasperated. "Are you kidding me?" It was my turn to give her an incredulous look. Her cheeks were flushed and her bottom lip swollen from her biting.

"What," I said again, wanting to get to the crux of her aggravation. She rolled her eyes before stepping up into my personal space. The bat dropped from my hand, clattering as it hit the ground. The sound was louder than necessary in my ears.

I now understood what Bella had been thinking. Her lust hit me square in the chest, making my venom boil. I was amazed to still be standing, especially with the amount of emotion the girl emanated. My eyes closed of their own accord as I allowed my body to become lost in her impious sensations. Damn, the girl was a delight in every way possible.

Her hands found their way to my chest and started to crawl towards my stomach.

"Can you feel it, Jasper?" she asked, her fingers lightly scratching my stomach. I hissed out a sharp breath at the contact. "The singular feeling I have for you?" Her voice dropped a couple of octaves, playing havoc with my already twitching cock. I framed her face with my stone hands, wanting her to see the severity in my eyes. I basked in the warmth our contact created.

"Yes, angel, I can more than feel your mischievous desires." It was her turn to react to the tone of my voice. Her cheeks and neck turned a delicious pink. I could clearly hear as her heart resounded loudly in her chest. The vibrations were felt through my fingertips. Her blood whooshed through her veins, trying to keep up with the adrenaline her body created.

"You fail to see the real question, little one," I intoned in a husky voice, trying to keep my dick from jumping out of my pants.

She swallowed deeply, and I had to close my eyes in desire. I could only imagine how dark they had got. I slowly opened them again, taking in her expressive face. Her lips were slightly parted and her eyes wide, waiting for me to fill her in. (all pun intended).

"The question is what are you going to do about it, kitten?"

I could feel a whole barrage of emotions that ran through her. Lust was obvious: she wanted me as badly as I wanted her. Embarrassment: the way I made her feel already had her arousal present. It was a pleasing scent to my nose. I inhaled deeply. Shame: in how badly she truly craved me. It wasn't a figment of my overactive, male imagination. Bella wanted me something fierce, as I wanted her. My angel wasn't used to having such wanton feelings residing in her; at least until we had both fallen in love.

Bella gave me a sultry look, finally being able to work out what was going on in her gorgeous mind. She never truly understood how exquisite she was. It was my turn to thickly swallow my venom. It wasn't just because her blood smelled divine, but her most sacred place smelt absolutely scrumptious. Before I could even comprehend anything (not for lack of trying) I was completely overcome with the girl in front of me. She seemed to demand my entire attention span just on her extreme emotions. Bella's hands started to move again. She traced a path around my stomach hair trail that led further down.

My angel sought out my eyes again, silently asking me permission for something that was already hers. I nodded my head and watched with absorption as she shyly lifted my shirt, waiting for me to lift my arms. I lifted them above my head and hissed as her blunt nails scraped over my chest and nipples. My head fell back as I released a pent-up breath. I heard as the shirt hit the ground.

I pulled my head upright again, anticipating her next move. Her teeth began worrying her bottom lip. I could feel as she tried to gather her courage and resolve. I refrained from helping her. I wanted Bella to be confident in her own decisions.

Her fingers slid down my chest again, stopping at the clasp of my pants. My cock started to spasm again, wanting to also be in on the action. Bella looked on with appeal as she watched the movement.

"It's yours, angel," I encouraged. "It wants you more than I could ever convey with words." She couldn't help but blush at the deep quality to my tone. I desired her fully and it was made manifest in my voice.

With no more encouragement needed, she unbuttoned my baseball pants. I almost came at the harried action. Bella's face was all aflame, but her resolve was strong. She just had a little stage fright. I wondered if she had ever done such a thing before, and found it better not to think about such thoughts.

Her little hands fisted around the material of my pants and started to tug. Slowly but surely she made progress. She was savoring each and every pull. I could feel the emotion as it reached out to me. She was enjoying the control of the moment.

When Bella had my pants and briefs down to my thighs, she stopped. Her eyes took in the length of my cock. She involuntarily licked her lips. That was the only action I needed to have my pre-cum already leaking. My mind went wild with scenario after scenario running rampant through my brain. They only lasted seconds and numbered many. I had a vampire brain after all.

Bella shyly looked at me again; I didn't know what my face registered. All I could do was look at her in awe and complete and total abandon. She pushed her want to me, asking silently for something she couldn't vocalize. I could feel her awkwardness mixed with the want. I simply nodded.

Bella inhaled a large breath before releasing. She slowly lowered to her knees in front of me, never taking her eyes from me. I had pictured her in this position many times and my cock went wild at past thoughts. It also released more cum at the delicious arrangement she presented.

My angel's fingers pulled my pants down the rest of the way, and she waited for me to step completely out of them. I was already barefoot from playing baseball. I found it easier to run without shoes.

I stood before her, naked, still as a statue, my cock dripping, salivating for her to do something. Bella finally leaned forward and tentatively touched me with her tongue. The muscle was hot and wet, a combination I had never experienced before as a vampire. My penis became warmed from her touch and I was again amazed at our connection. It seemed as if no body part was immune from our connection.

My automatic reaction was to reach out and ball my fists in her thick hair, but I couldn't bring myself to complete the action. I never wanted her to think I disrespected her in any way. Bella's tongue stuck out again after taking my taste into her mouth and started to swirl around my still wet tip. Her tongue played with my skin, testing the texture and the dichotomy it represented. My cock was as hard as the rest of me, but the flesh covering it was like the smoothest silk. It even amazed me at times, that something made of stone could be so velvety.

Bella's tongue found the slit at the tip and instantly began to work with it. I hissed as my cock bobbed. I fisted my hands at my sides, willing myself to not scare her. Bella looked up, uncertain. I sent to her my love and appreciation. I sent my desire for her to continue and the need I had for that mouth on me. She gave a shy smile before looking down again.

The siren before me scooted closer, making me throw my head back as her hot breath ghosted over me. I would never become accustomed to the heat. I had lived without it for too long. Before I could comprehend anything else, she wrapped her small hands around my calves and attached her mouth to my heaving cock. I couldn't help but shake as she started sucking, twirling her tongue everywhere her cheek touched. Inch by inch she sank until she hit her gag reflex. She pulled back a little but continued sucking me.

I wanted to thrust into her mouth, but once again stopped myself. I could tell Bella was inexperienced, but her willingness to experiment made up for more of the difference. I started to leak again, knowing my build-up was approaching. I wondered if she was disgusted at all by my flavor, but she didn't seem to mind. There was a little bit of a frown on her face, but her emotions told me she was also enjoying it.

Her panties were becoming wet from my moans and from the reactions she created. Bella started to thrive sucking on my cock. My hands reached out and touched her head. I went to pull back, but she moaned.

"No, Jasper," she mumbled, still attached to me. Her tongue licked on the underside of my penis, following the vein that ran the length. "Do what you want," she gave her permission. I sent my love to her.

I immediately latched onto her hair, trying to steady myself from the vibrations that worked down my member. Each word she had spoken buzzed me. Her sucking started to become more intense, harder. I couldn't take the light friction on my dick any longer, I needed more. I started to move my hips, slightly thrusting into her mouth.

Bella, instead of opening wider to take me in, enclosed around me more firmly. This caused the sucking to be longer, wetter, and beyond compare. Her hand reached up and started to clasp around my sack, tugging a little before squeezing. I pushed into her mouth harder, pulling back as she gagged a little. Bella didn't stop, but worked to send me to my completion.

Long, tender stokes with her tongue worked over me, firm but gentle fingers massaged my sack; touching all the correct places. And then she surprised me: my kitten's teeth unexpectedly scraped from where her lips were up to the very tip. She moaned wantonly, sending heady vibrations all around me. She pushed her total want and abandon at me, sinking me in nothing but her deep and abiding feelings.

With everything combined, I didn't stand a chance. My hands tightened in her hair, my sack scrunched up in her hand, and my hips thrust forward.

"C-Coming, kitten," I all but stammered, not being able to give her any more warning.

Bella gave one more sensual lick to my twitching and spent member before pulling away. I made the conscious decision to remove myself fully from her mouth. I didn't want to overwhelm her even more. I instantly dropped to my knees and allowed my fluids to shoot from me. The sensation was glorious and seemed to last a lifetime.

When I was finally finished and gained my composure again, I fell on my back and looked at my smiling kitten. I could feel some smugness radiating from her, but mostly her want in trying to make me happy. I reached out to the unsuspecting angel and draped her body over mine. I plastered my lips to hers and began to sample everything.

I shot my tongue in between her lips, wanting to taste myself on her. Our combined flavor was amazing and I relished the blend. Some of my precum from earlier before lingered on her tongue.

"Your mouth is sinful, kitten, and taste like divine." Bella flushed at my words, giving me the reaction I was angling for. Her lust blanketed over me, covering every part of my unclothed skin.

My need for Bella intensified in that moment. It had been beyond description to have her tongue and mouth sucking me off, but now I wanted to be buried in her; wanted to feel the heat that radiated from her core and threatened to send me aflame.

"Take me, darling," she breathed encouragingly. She grinded her lower half into me, successfully trapping my growing cock between us. I was never more thankful to be a vampire. There wasn't a waiting period between goes. I pushed back into her, holding her hips to me. The friction was amazing, sending me into a near frenzy.

I flipped us over, and at vampire speed divested Bella of her offending clothes. She laughed at the quickness and rush the speed gave her. I bent down and captured her beautiful laughs in my mouth. I wanted to have every part of her. Bella held nothing back and met my lips with her own fierceness. Our tongues fought for dominance, wanting to have ultimate control. I eased back a little, not wanting to hurt her. Bella sent her unequivocal love to me. There was nothing to ever doubt when I was drowning in her abundant love.

Once we were both equal and free from our clothes, I started to kiss her. I ran my lips and tongue over her neck, chest, and stomach. My face came back and rested in the crease of her breast. Bella didn't have the biggest pair, but they were ample in their own right. They bounced as I licked around the nipple before tugging it into my mouth and sucking it until it hardened. Bella mewled out her appreciation. She brought her back off the ground, raising her tits closer to my mouth. I switched sides and lavished it with more attention. I laved her right nipple with the tip of my tongue, soothing it from the arduous sucking. My angel's fingers wove into my curls, scratching my scalp with her nails. I couldn't stop the moan from escaping. Her skin broke out in goose bumps from the vibrations.

My mouth trailed lower as it nipped at weak spot over her ribcage. Bella seemed to have a penchant for the spot and I couldn't stop the smile that came over me. My angel was truly unique.

"We all have our things, Jasper," she breathlessly chided. I laughed into her skin and continue to indulge my kitten. Bella began to push me lower until my tongue made contact with her bellybutton.

My tongue traced around the edge, teasing Bella with each slurp of her skin. She mewled and raised her tummy closer to my mouth. The girl surely had something about her torso area that turned her into mush, not that I was complaining. I enjoyed her reactions, reveled in the sounds she admitted, gloried in the smell and wetness I caused between her thighs.

I finally gave into her demands and stuck my tongue into her bellybutton. Bella let out a satisfied hiss, which surprisingly had my cock twitching more than when I sucked on her nipples. I loved her expressive reactions.

"Stick it in further," she moaned, pushing my head down harder. My cock started to pre-cum as the wetness of her words slammed into me. Damn it, my kitten was both kinky and alluring in her odd sensations.

My hand, unable to resist, glided down her soft stomach and between her shaking thighs. My tongue continued to push in and out of her while I pushed my finger into her hot, sopping passage. I groaned as the contact. Bella gasped loudly at both my fingers working her over from the inside and my tongue working another hole on her body. I never knew a bellybutton to be so fucking erotic. I craved the contact as much as she did.

In and out, I pushed, working in sync to bring her over the edge. My cock twitched with each moan we uttered, each arch of her back, each pull of my hair, and each nibbled I gave to her stomach. Bella's heart started to race, and I knew she was nearing her completion. My fingers had long been coated with her warm juices as they played with both her inner walls and clit.

"Yes, Jasper, stick everything in harder," she pleaded. Her emotions were erratic and I wondered if she even comprehended what she spoke. Whatever the answer, I complied with her demands. My hand started to drill into her. She clenched around me, trying to keep me from sliding out of her.

With a few more finger thrust into her pussy and a deep stick of my tongue into her swollen hole, Bella arched her back and chased her ultimate excitement over the edge. I watched as her face became alight with the sensations. She scrunched her eyebrows together, clasped her legs around my hand and pushed my head further into her. Bella shined in her completion.

After many labored breaths and a lazy smile, I kissed her lips. Bella pulled me closer, wanting to be nearer to me. I allowed my body to cover hers as we continued to kiss. I dropped light pecks onto her face, kissing each place my lips landed. There was no rhyme or reason, just a need to touch every part of her.

"Thank you, Jasper. I never knew myself to be so turned on from my tummy," she said in a small voice, ashamed of her reactions.

"I never knew _myself_," I emphasized, "to be so turned on from tongue-fucking your tummy." She instantly became red at my language, but I couldn't help it, I loved to work her up with just words.

"Jasper," she moaned, not being able to help her effect from my dirty words. I instantly wanted to be buried deeply within her as she moaned. I closed my eyes and tried to steady myself. "You shouldn't say such things," she mock-chided, playing with my hair as we continued to lie on the ground.

"What, tummy?" she giggled and it rumbled in her stomach.

"No, the other one," she whispered as if she would get into trouble for even thinking it.

"Oh," I murmured while leaning into her, bringing my mouth extra close to her ear. "Fucking, you mean, yeah?" I intoned wetly into her ear, knowing the response it would bring. I pushed my hips into her still wet thighs.

"The things you do to me," she confessed as she arched into me. I knew it would have a positive influence on her. Her lust once again slammed into me as she wrapped her legs around my waist.

"Do you want me to begin fucking you, Isabella?" I once again murmured wetly. However, this time I brought her lobe into my mouth, sucking on the skin.

She scraped her wet thighs against me. The moisture rubbed off onto my skin. I now needed to be inside her.

"Yes," she finally hissed, not being able to take the amount of love and devotion I sent to her. She sent hers back; it was filled with her desire.

I placed my lips onto hers, licking the seam around her lower pout. Bella opened up and allowed my tongue to invade her mouth. After giving me what I wanted, I lined myself up to her weeping slit, and began to press in. Bella, in feeling me enter her, pushed down on to me, trying to hurry my action. My kitten was a willful little thing when turned on beyond reason.

Without further ado or much thought, I shoved into her a little more roughly then I intended. Bella only cried out her pleasure. I could feel a little pain coming from her, but it was overtaken by her want. I sent her my own desire and basked as she wiggled uncontrollably around me, trying to move even closer to my base. Bella always loved when I was seated within her fully.

My hips started to take over, wanting to set the pace. With one hard thrust into her, I switched it up by pulling out slowly. It created an amazing tension that keep up going at a steady pace. Bella's hands played with the muscles on my back, enjoying the way they worked to keep her satisfied. My hand grabbed her tit and molded it around my fingers, enjoying how soft and pliable it was. Her nipple crested as I took it between my forefinger and thumb and squeezed. Bella arched and sent my cock further into her depths. I couldn't help but grunt as I filled her up to the base of my penis, the girl loved me buried inside her.

I licked up and down the center of her chest, wanting to take in everything her body released. My thrusts were punctuated with each lick of her nipple, each nibble to the underside of her breasts. I feasted on them as my cock feasted in her passage.

I knew she wasn't far from her release and I wanted to be with her this time. I started to abrade in her, soaking up each scrape my cock made against her scorching walls. I didn't care of I went up in flames while inside her; at least I would perish literally loving the person I cherished most in the world.

"There, Jasper," she squeaked as I hit her special spot. I was far within her pussy, almost touching her cervix. I loved being so far in.

Harder and harder I began to move, needing to find my completion with her. Bella tightened around me, trying to stop me from leaving her most sacred spot. My left hand found its way to her hip, as I tried to steady her frantic movements as the other hand picked her up from the ground. I needed her closer than ever. Bella reached in between our slick bodies. She reached for my sack and started rolling it in her greedy hand. Bella understood what I wanted. I started to ride her more vigorously, being even more turned on.

"Grasp me harder, kitten," I implored in her ear. My mouth found its way to her neck and started to lick along her collarbone. My thrust started to become as frantic as hers. Bella once again sent her immense desire and want. She was on the edge, soon to fall. She cottoned on that I wanted to fall with her.

I reached in between us also, on the other side from where her hand massaged my sack. I roughly swirled my finger around her clit.

With both of us moving together, my cock pounding into her, my tongue playing over the skin on her collarbone, and us moaning each other's name, I sunk into her one last time and caved in.

Bella has also reached her pinnacle and squeeze my cock with her inner muscles as she arched her back and fell. Our breaths were labored and our chest panted into the other as breaths escaped our lungs. I placed my face onto her left breast and reverently kissed it as I continued to spill.

Bella's fingers played with my hair as we both enjoyed the closeness, slowing down our movements. Bella's chest continued to heave and took my face with it. Her breast molded around my head, giving way to the rigidness of my stone muscles. Her heart started to pace regularly, and I smiled into her skin at the sound. It was the accompaniment to my every step in this existence.

"I love you," we both said at the same time and laughed at our predictability. These were the soft moments I cherished the most, the fact that our clothes were scattered around the ground only added to the goodness.

I lifted my head and rested my chin on her chest. "I do love you, angel," I told her seriously.

Her hands traced around the plains and hollows of my cheeks, touching her own breasts as she went along. "And I you, Jasper."

No other words were needed. We spent some time just breathing in the moment, staring at the other.

Many things had happened in my existence, and some things I regretted more than others, but as I watched my angel watching me, I knew instinctively that this was where I was needed. Alice had once asked me if I believed in destiny, and at the time, I hadn't been sure. But with Bella's murky gaze raking over me, I knew I had been meant for her.

There was no other logical possibility.

* * *

Author's Notes: Hello, darlings. As always, I hope this chapter finds everyone well. I only wish the best for you awesome readers! So . . . what did you think of the chapter? *bites lip nervously*

I know a part of it was unconventional (the bellybutton thing . . . LOL), and that is what makes me the most nervous. I had a blast writing this chapter regardless. I'm still incredibly nervous about posting the lemon, but it was fun to write. I also realize this one was a little raunchier then what I write, but I did tell some of you that there would a somewhat "wild" lemon. Was I even able to deliver, or did you think it still mild . . . he-he? I did say that there would be more lemons (and oh, yes, there are more to come) and warned about the "M" rating. Hopefully this chapter was somewhat enjoyable.

Now onto a more serious matter, loves. The reviews have gone down and I'm not sure why. Is the writing not satisfactory or are the chapters boring? It's something I've been struggling with in regards to this story, wondering if my writing has been disappointing. I always want the readers to feel the emotions, and if I'm not delivering, then I need to take a step back. I hate to write this, but I also want to understand if there is something wrong. Please don't think I'm bitching and whining (perhaps I am . . . LOL). I truly want to know if the writing is below par.

On the flip side, thanks to those who reviewed last chapter. The wonderful reviews helped to bolster my confidence and pull this chapter together. Also thanks to those who add me to their alerts and favorites.

Anyway . . . sorry for the looong author's rant (*winks*), I don't think I shall ever learn when it comes to rambling. If you have the time, please let me know your thoughts – anything and everything! Hope all is well with everyone and much love!

_Posted: 29 June 2011 _


	26. Chapter XXV

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. **No** copyright infringement intended.

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

_"There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day."_

_- Alexander Woollcott_

14 April – Friday – Bella's POV

Not even a year old and my little daughter was already having a little party. Perhaps that was the norm when vampires (who never celebrated a birthday) had a human in their existence. On the day she turned six months old the Cullen's had decided she needed a celebration. I laughed at their joke, thinking it was funny. When no one else laughed or saw the humor in the request, I knew this was serious.

Spoiled didn't even begin to cover what Cheyenne would become. I knew they meant well, and could only hope they would always balance their wanting to spoil her with love and discipline. She needed to know that, yes, she had a lot, but there were limits and restrictions. I wanted her to be thankful for what she had in abundance, while knowing that there were others not as fortunate. I wanted to teach her that where much was given, much was required. Carlisle, especially would see to that.

So on the morning of her turning six months old, I gave her a warm bath and washed her little blonde head. She fussed a little when the water was poured over her hair, but was relatively calm during the rest. A little smile graced her pudgy lips as she looked at me with those baby blues. My heart melted for her. I wondered if all mothers felt this amazing love that just took you over in a moment's notice, causing your entire body to tingle with that love. It was similar to how I felt with Jasper, but more of a softer love. With Jasper, I all but burned with loving him the way I did, and with Cheyenne, I felt as if I were floating on a cloud. They had both inspired so much adoration within me, and in totally separate ways.

A huge yawn broke from my lips and pulled me from my thoughts. My body was a little sore but I owned that to Jasper. My vampire loved to indulge me.

Cheyenne stretched her little arms as I took her from the bath and wrapped her in the best towel money could buy. I had argued with Carlisle about such extravagance, but he always seemed to win that particular argument. All he ever had to utter was "_Isabella_," and I would relent. I wondered what those vampires put in my water. My will used to be much stronger or so I thought.

"I think we're lost for good, my little darling." Cheye just cooed as if she already knew such a simple fact. I was always the last to know.

…

Bella's POV

As I watched my family and the different roles they all played, I felt a weird sensation on the back of my neck. The little hairs became raised. I turned and looked around. It had felt as if someone had been observing me. I scanned the area, but could find nothing out of the ordinary. The rest of the Cullen's were involved with their activities and hadn't really paid attention. I guess if they hadn't noticed anything then my imagination was overreacting. I took one more scan around the park before shrugging my shoulders and just giving up on the idea as a passing fancy.

There were more important things to entertain my mind, and as I watched Jasper coming towards me, I knew I had made the correction decision. He took a quick picture of me before he set his camera down, none to gently. I gave him a smile that was always reserved for him.

"Hello there, you delicious vampire," I said slyly. I was surprised by the tone of my voice; usually I was too shy to speak in such a way. Even with Mike, I had been more reserved. Jasper sat down next to me before he grabbed and pulled me into his lap. I was happy that I weighed next to nothing for him and was easily picked up and carted according to his whims.

"I'm so glad you just use me for your impulses, Jazz," I complained in a mock-pout. I was more than thrilled. Of course he could sense my true feelings and chose to rub it in.

"Mmm, angel, how that mouth of yours loves to tell tales," he whispered directly into my right ear. His breath along with the chilled wind and his words caused me to shiver.

"If you two are done _canoodling_, could we please get back to finding ways of beating Bells?" Emmett bellowed for the entire world to hear. Where had he learned that word? It didn't seem to fit his vocabulary and a man of his stature.

Emmett was such an enigma. He was also still sore from me beating him with the sand castle. One would think he would learn his lesson in challenging me, but if was willing to lose, then the more power to him; _um . . . scratch that last thought . . ._ he already had enough at his disposal.

"You're just jealous that a baby is getting more action from your wife then you are, brother." Jasper just had to rub in, using his daughter no less. "Perhaps she could teach you lessons on how to gain Rose's attention, you are after all an ugly thing."

I hid my face in my hands and just shook my head. Boys would always be boys, trying to antagonize the other (whether they were vampires or eighty year old men). Jasper took the opportunity to kiss my neck in a way that had me coming unglued, and fast. He gently sucked on the pulse point that beat in a frantic motion for him to feel. I moaned a little at the erotic contact, forgetting about everything around me.

If I had been thinking properly I would have realized that Jasper was just trying to rub it in to Emmett that he was getting something from someone of the opposite sex as opposed to his brother. I would have been appalled if his tongue hadn't felt so damn good on my skin.

"You'll pay for that, Jazz man, when you least expect it!" Emmett yelled in rebuttal, trying to ruin the mood. Jasper had just moved to my ear and caused more havoc with my beating heart and fluttering stomach. It was unfortunate that boys had to ruin everything with their macho-ism. "Don't think I don't know where you live. I'll have you begging for mercy and then when you think you've had enough, I'll . . ." He never got to finish.

SLAP.

"Don't make such threats in front of the little one, Emmett," his funny other half chided him. ". . . Especially at her party."

Rose was too humorous when it came to her and her husband. I always enjoyed their dynamic. Jasper was laughing from behind me, valiantly trying to hide his laughter in my hair. His body shook with his amusement. I wondered if he truly felt sorry for his brother, or didn't want the same treatment from his sister, thus hiding his guffaws.

I openly snickered at Emmett's sputtered reaction. Rose had changed, but some things always stayed the same, and thankfully they were entertaining. "Of course, you know where Jasper lives; you've been there several times, thickhead, but the only one begging for mercy will be you after going without your so called 'canoodling' for an extended amount of time."

This caused everyone to laugh at Emmett's expense. It was just funny the way Rose had said 'canoodling'. Emmett looked ready to cry, and I started to feel for him. I seemed to have a penchant for getting him into trouble with the wife. Everyone within ear shot of him knew how much he loved to _spar _with Rose. Carlisle was laughing so much that he almost fell off his swing next to Esme. Edward was stoic as he sat on the park bench, but I could see the sheen in his eyes. He had been laughing just as much as everyone else.

"Don't encourage them, darling. You should be setting an example, not dropping to their level," Esme lectured Carlisle.

He immediately straightened up and cleared his throat. Esme gave him an indulgent smile before kissing his cheek. She was once again holding Cheyenne. Rose must have given her back before she punished Emmett.

"You're right, Esme, dear." Talk about some major butt-kissing. I wondered how the distinguished doctor's frigid lips felt on his wife's rear-end. That was a thought better left unsaid, but still caused me to laugh. Jasper leaned around my back and looked at me. I watched him from the side of my eye and thought once again how very handsome he truly was.

"What's so funny, angel?" he asked. I turned around until I could see him without straining my eyes. He grabbed my legs and put them together before resting his arm over them.

"Nothing, Jasper," I said as innocently as possible.

Of course he knew that wasn't the whole truth, but decided to give me a reprieve. He brought his lips to mine and kissed me tenderly. His lips always felt hard yet heavenly on mine. I didn't care that mine always molded to fit his, as long as they touched his; I had nothing to complain about. He placed one more affectionate kiss to his favorite bottom lip before pulling away. I whined a little at the lost of contact, but what girl wouldn't when presented with such giving perfection. He chuckled before kissing my cheek. Some contact was better than none, but still not the desired spot.

"Always willing and able for a hungry vampire, Isabella?" his words caused me to shiver, not out of fear or revulsion, but an avid need I didn't quite understand. My experience with the opposite sex was so miniscule.

"If you're the only one partaking, Jasper, darling," I told him enticingly. I truly loved the banter he and I had. I had felt so free and giddy when he enticed that reckless girl within me to appear. He rumbled a little as his lips lingered on my cheek and his tongue tasted my skin. I could feel my lower half doing naughty things that hadn't happened in a while (as in last night) as he continued to drive me mad.

"Mmm, baby, don't tell me that," he whispered against my wet cheek. "Hasn't anyone every told you that honesty isn't becoming?" I scoffed good-naturedly.

"My father taught me quite the opposite, actually. He also taught me any guy that called me 'baby' would meet his _little friend_: Carl. I think he was talking about his shotgun, but can't really recall," I joshed.

Jasper laughed at my lame joke. I truly wish he could have had the opportunity to know my father. I always missed him greatly.

"Sounds like quite the man, angel," he whispered, almost reverently. I just nodded my head. "I'm glad you were able to have such an amazing and devoted father, Bella. I also hope that you feel that way about my family." I looked at him before kissing his forehead lovingly; the moment seemed to call for something sweet.

"I do, Jazz. I'm so very blessed."

I rubbed my forehead where I had just kissed him and reveled in the warmth that spread through me at our contact. I turned my head to the side while still keeping my skin touching his. I watched as Esme leaned the bundled up Cheyenne onto her chest and sent the swing gently swinging back and forth. She was the picture of beauty and grace. She stroked Cheye's cheek with her woolen mitten and smiled lovingly down at her. Carlisle looked on with his serene look that spoke of the volume of emotion he felt in that moment. Emmett and Rose were cuddled together on the sand with her in his lap. They watched while Esme lavished my daughter with affection. Emmett was whispering things into her ears, and I was grateful I couldn't hear his suggestions. She would giggle before slapping his arms. They were quite the striking couple. Edward just observed everyone else. There wasn't a scowl or frown on his face. He actually looked somewhat at peace.

They were my family, and now my daughter's. "Very blessed indeed, Jasper."

I turned back to my vampire before I sealed my love for him with my lips. "I'm so in love you with, baby," I mumbled against his mouth and deepened the kiss before he had a chance to respond. I wanted his mouth on mine more than I had wanted his response.

_Mmm, the confidence my vampire inspired._

* * *

Author's Notes: Hello loves. Hope everything is well with everyone. So I wanted to say Happy Fourth of July to all those from the USA. Hope you are all safe and having a fabulous day. Wanted to thank all the Service Men and Women for all their sacrifices. My life is really blessed and it comes from the sacrifices of those who give of their time and lives. So thank you, truly!

Anyway, what did you think of the chapter? I know . . . short and fluffy. It was more of a filler, but still important. You may not think so, but it is. If you have the time, I'd love to know your thoughts, loves. Teasers for all those who review.

Thanks to all those who reviewed last chapter, and for the reassurances. You are just wonderful. And thanks to all those who continue to read and perhaps find some enjoyment. Hope all is well with everyone. Much love as always!

_Posted: 4 July 2011 _


	27. Chapter XXVi

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. **No** copyright infringement intended.

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

"_All there is to thinking is seeing something noticeable, which makes you see something you weren't noticing, which makes you see something that isn't even visible." _

_- Leo Strauss _

19 April – Wednesday – Bella's POV

Goodness, we had been shopping a while. I was all for spending "girly time" with Rose, but the vampire chick could shop like it was no one's business. One would think all the stores were going out of business the way she went through them. What was even scarier was her explanation of Alice. Rose claimed she wasn't "even twice as bad as that raging bi***" (well – I think we all know the expletive she used to describe her sister).

As we exited the last store, I ran my clammy hands over my face and though my hair. I almost cried with relief as she announced we were finished. Even though I was with my best girl friend, I still tired of her pace. Cheyenne had given out long ago and slept peacefully in her pram. She was beautiful in her innocence and sleep. I watched her serene face for a while as Rose pushed her pram down the walkway of the mall.

That was the last thought I had before my head spun, making me lose my balance. Before I could fall and embarrass myself, Rose reached out and caught me. Her unforgiving stone hand wrapped around my upper arm a little too hard. I tried not to wince, but failed miserably. The bruises would appear shortly. My ability to bruise so easily amazed me. As soon as I was stabilized, she let go. I could see the remorse already clouding her sublime face. It made my stomach roll.

"I'm terribly sorry, Bella. I saw you going down and instantly reacted. Never was it my intention to hurt you," she apologized over and over. I wanted to smile at her speech patterns – the old timey language was fun to hear. However, I refrained from smiling; she might have thought me crazy.

"Rosie," I said in a soothing voice, "calm down. I'm fine, honey." She took in an unnecessary breath, trying to pace her overreactions. "You know me – crazy and clumsy Bella." She gave me a second look.

"Are you sure you're fine?" I wanted to laugh her worry off , but again stopped myself. "It didn't look like you usually do when tripping over big pockets of air." This time I couldn't help but roll my eyes at her description. Yes, I had two left feet and, no, that wasn't only applied to dancing. "It truly came out of nowhere, Bella," my sister pointed out. "Are you sure you're fine?"

I let out a big sigh and tried not to give her a weathering look. It was annoying when someone asked one repeatedly if they were 'fine'. It raised my hackles for no good reason, other than it was endlessly irritating.

"Yes, Rosie," I said in exasperation, instantly feeling guilty. I quelled my irritation and let my love for her take over. "It was just another graceful Bella moment . . . nothing else." She still looked unbelieving, and for once I couldn't blame her. The dizziness had come out of nowhere, but I didn't want to worry her. "No worries, honey." I gave her a half-smile. She reluctantly returned it.

"I'm just tired, Rose," I mumbled, trying to suppress the yawn behind my hand. "You know how to wear a person out." I immediately realized my words and blushed. My sister gave me a Cheshire grin.

"You only have to ask Emmett, darling." I knew I would fear her next statement.

Sometimes the wife was just like her lecherous husband . . . sex, sex, and more sex on the mind. It was a good thing I hadn't eaten. I was all for expressing one's love through sex, but sometimes I didn't want to know the details of someone I thought a sister and brother. There were some lines I didn't want to walk over. I may have been a prude, but so be it . . . that was Bella in all her glory.

"I think not, Rosie, darling. Some things are better left in the dark, and the majority of those things have to do with you and Emmett."

Her tinkling laugh washed over me and captured the attention of every male in our vicinity. I especially felt sorry for the ones that slobbered. It was a nasty and a highly embarrassing sight. I cringed.

"Oh, but I love to hear about yours and Jasper's exploits."

She batted her eyelashes and flashed me her most winning smile. Some guys walked into walls. I giggled at both their stupidity and Rosie's playfulness. I loved her the most in these times. She was a completely different person and one rarely anyone got to see.

"Never going to happen, Rosalie."

She fake-pouted. I rubbed her cheek in consolation and we both giggled.

"I love you tender, Rose," I said seriously through my half-smile. I was overcome with emotion for her in that moment.

She tilted her head to the side while she studied me. I felt as if she pierced my soul, and I was bared to her. She seemed to find things that stayed dormant.

"I love you true, Isabella," she whispered in return.

I grabbed my sister's hand, squeezing tightly. We walked out the mall, reveling in our sisterly bond and affections. I ignored the guys falling over their feet as they took in Rose's shining face.

My cup had runneth over for her.

* * *

…

Later that Day – Bella's POV

The door sounded loud in my ears as it announced Jasper's return. I knew he hadn't slammed the door, but the noise reverberated in my head. The headache I had felt from earlier still gripped me. I had over done it with Rose, but I loved spending time with her. Rosie's happiness was something that brightened me from within. Her life was difficult and she still held the deep scars and screams from her past. To see a smile lingering on her beautiful face was like seeing the sun shine through spotty clouds. There was always more to my sister than met the eye. It was a joy when she let me glimpse such radiance.

I sighed while rubbing my temples. Jasper's footfalls sounded on the wood floor as he made his way towards the living room. I turned my head to the side, facing the cushions of the couch. His gaze all but burned into my back. The heat from his eyes sunk into my skin. I didn't know how it was possible. We weren't even touching. Some things about our relationship would always amaze me. My heart sped up at the knowledge. It was overwhelming at times, such a deep and abiding connection.

I could feel the couch give way as Jasper knelt down next to me and the cushions supported his weight. I still refused to turn to my other side. I knew what his reaction would be. It wasn't something I wanted to deal with at the moment. My vampire had other ideas.

"Angel," he whispered, his cool breath fanning my neck where my hair didn't cover. I still refused to turn.

"Bella," Jasper said, a little more demanding this time. It wasn't agitation that lined his voice but something else. It pulled at my heart, but I wanted other things at the moment, and being left alone was one of them.

"Angel," Jasper's worried voice filled my ears for a third time, "why are you so pale?" I was left with no other option. I could feel the aggravation start to build up in me. There wasn't much I demanded or really ever asked for, but I had wanted some peace, thus I hadn't answered.

I finally turned around, trying to keep my annoyance at bay. He was about to touch me but recoiled at my sudden movement. It would have been funny if not for my tired and sullen mood.

"No reason, Jasper. I've just had a long day," I answered evasively, hoping he would take the hint. It wasn't that I didn't want to confide in him, I just wanted to be left alone and my headache to recede. My mood had nothing to do with Jasper.

"Are you really fine, Bella?" I could feel my emotions spike. Jasper hissed a little, also being able to feel them. Sometimes his gift was such a disadvantage. I didn't want him to suffer my mood or have an advantage over me. Sometimes, a person's emotions were private. I wanted to snap at him for asking me a question I had already answered, but still held back. He was just being my loving vampire.

"Yes, Jasper, I'm fine," I answered through gritted teeth.

I turned to the side again, not wanting to see the uncertainty in his eyes. Jasper pulled at me in so many ways. I tried to settle my breathing, willing myself to calm down. I had no right to be angry at my concerned lover.

Jasper's fidgeting shook the cushion I was laying on. I knew he was trying to decide what to do. It was always odd for him to show such nervous human habits, so I knew him to be worried. I just wanted it to stop.

"Bella, are you sure you're fine?" he finally asked, yet again. I could understand his concern and needing to know I was fine, but it was annoying being asked over and over again when I already answered. There was only so much concern a person could swallow.

"For the love of anything, Jasper," I spat, letting my emotions carry me over the top. I turned around and sat up.

"I'm FINE! Why won't you believe me when I tell you the first time?" Jasper's face registered his surprise at my sudden outburst. His lips pulled into a frown, and I began to feel guilty. He had done nothing to deserve such censure. Tears pricked my eyes.

"Sorry, angel, I was just worried," he whispered, looking away from me.

Tears began to cloud my eyes as the guilt ate away at my stomach lining. My hand reached out and molded around his cheek. He slowly turned his face toward me again. There was a lingering sadness in his eyes. I was such an evil person.

"No, Jazz," I implored him, "there is nothing to be sorry over. I'm the one who should be apologizing. I shouldn't have snapped." He kissed the palm of my hand, making me want to cry at the beauty of the gesture. "I'm just tired and cranky. There was never a reason to take my aggression out on you."

"Why were you so tired, angel?" he asked, somewhat cautiously. I had to smile at his hesitancy.

"No reason in particular, darling, just overworked myself. Rosie came and picked up Cheye and me for some bonding time earlier. We ended up doing some shopping. We visited more stores that I anticipated. It's not easy keeping up with vampires with an unlimited spending limit on their credit cards."

He cracked a small smile.

"So I decided to get a little nap on the couch," I reassured him. He continued to inspect me, making sure his eyes didn't miss once square inch of my person.

"You still haven't kissed me, Jasper. That's not very nice, especially when you are looking so very handsome." The words that left my mouth served more than one purpose. I wanted to change the subject, but I also wanted to feel his luscious lips on mine. It was almost criminal of him not to use those lips.

My vampire smiled a big "crocodile smile" before leaning in and granting my request. Our mouths moved together, before I intensified the kiss.

My hunger for him started to take over, the need for his taste on my tongue was urgent. My fists grasped his shirt and pulled him closer. Jasper complied with my wishes and allowed himself to become lost in the sensations our lips created. No matter how much we danced this same dance, it was always beautiful and heart-grabbing. My pulse throbbed in my neck and my tongue tried to touch every part of his mouth. My lips worshiped the love before me. My breath started to become ragged before I reluctantly pulled back. I had no desire to pass out and spur his worry for me again. I only wanted him to see me as strong and desirable. I had a deep need to be whole for him, as I hadn't been for so many others.

I took the moment, after regulating my breath, to study the incredible vampire before me. He was a mystical creature yet sat beside me. His gaze never left mine as I stroked his cheek. Our skin reveled at the contact and heated up. My love leaned into my touch.

"Your eyes are stunning, Jasper," I murmured, not really thinking before speaking. "Dark, smoldering topaz . . ." I ran my hands under the pale, slightly bruised skin of his eyes. "Why are your eyes always darker than the rest of the Cullen's, even after you eat?" I asked softly, truly curious.

I had an idea, but wanted to hear it from his lips. They were sinfully plump and begging for mine. Jasper leaned in and graced me with said lips. I indulged for a moment before pulling back. My hands slid to the base of his neck and played with the curls.

"It's because of the emotions I feel, angel," he whispered, trying to keep the peace of the moment. "Everything everyone feels is cast onto me. I can block it at times, or be preoccupied with other things, but the majority of the time, I feel what others do. We vampires already have more of a range in being able to feel things deeper than humans. It's in our capacity, and those emotions and the effect of them on my body are reflected in my eyes. I _struggle_ more – for lack of a better word – and it is represented in my eyes. Does that make any sense?"

He traced the outline of my lips. I shivered from the sensuous touch.

"Your eyes are darker because of your gift," I clarified. He chuckled.

"Not only beautiful, but amazingly insightful," he overly praised. I tried to suppress the blush but failed miserably. I knew that sneaky vampire enjoyed immensely my bodily reactions. "Mmm," he intoned deeply in his throat, "deliciously pink."

I could feel myself getting wet. I was still a little tired and cursed my limitations. My body may have been tired, but it still craved Jasper desperately. My body would never tire of him though; it yearned for his skilled touches.

"And would you have me do, angel?" he asked, smirking.

_That vampire and his extra sense . . . _

Sometimes I wanted to take it away, and then he would fly as blind as me. His lips trailed along the skin of my neck where it was exposed. His fingers followed and pulled my collar down extra slow. I had to squeeze my knees together to stop the throbbing, but even I couldn't suppress the moans. I defined any girl to not moan as the sexy-as-hell vampire sucked on their neck wantonly, swirling his tongue around and then nipping lightly. There was only so much restraint I could show.

"Something . . ." I whimpered, not being able to finish my thought as Jasper's fingers ghosted over my hard nipples. They felt painfully and sinfully tight.

My naughty vampire chuckled at my broken speech, his breath fanned over the column of my throat. I tilted my head to the side, wanting to give him unrestrained access. My headache had all but fled under Jasper's dexterous fingers.

"What was that, angel," he intoned between nibbles. He said _angel_ like it was a dirty word. My panties were quickly becoming soaked.

". . . we've never done before, Jasper," I finally got out, remembering what I was going to say. It was highly embarrassing, but with him attached to my skin and his fingers grasping my tingling breasts, I could have cared less. I wanted him like no other.

Jasper stopped his attention on my throat and I immediately whined. I never wanted him to stop his skillful ministrations. He pulled back and took my chin in his left hand. His look was serious and thoughtful. That really wasn't what I had in mind, but Jasper was distracted for the moment.

"Are you sure, Isabella?" he asked humorlessly. I couldn't understand his hesitation. He acted as if we never talked about such a notion. There were times I wanted him to take me harder, but he was careful. I would never say that it wasn't amazing with Jasper, because that would have been a complete fabrication. But at times, I craved him so much that I felt he couldn't be buried deeply enough between my thighs.

"Yes, baby. I want to try something different tonight."

I could see uncertainty starting to makes its way onto his face, but I refused to yield. I in turn grabbed his cheeks between my hands before leaning forward and kissing his slightly pouting lips.

"I love you, Jasper," I reassured him. "I trust you, implicitly." He looked at me like I was nuts for doing that, but I could have cared less. I loved my vampire like no other.

"Okay, Bella," he finally relented. I squeed in fan girl fashion, as I took over his lips with mine. It was well worth it. Jasper laughed at my excitement. How could I not be excited to have him inside me, pushing me into the mattress, taking my flavor into his mouth . . .

I started to redden at my active mind.

"Save some of the excitement for later, kitten. I plan to do some wicked things to you." His voice took on that husky quality that never failed to send my tummy into spasms of intense need. Damn, he was dangerous.

"No more words will be spoken tonight, Jasper, you promised." I said, laughing before he started to attack my neck again. Cheyenne's slight cries could be heard over the monitor. He groaned, but I smirked. He pulled back and sighed before giving me a wobbly smile.

"Your daughter is a demanding creature, angel?" he mock-complained. "Just like her mommy." I couldn't help but lick my lips at his sultry voice. The connotation was thick in the air. Jasper pecked my lips quickly before he removed himself from me, trying to readjust as he walked away.

"Promised . . ." I yelled after him, letting my words linger in the air.

_Oh, yes, Bella would be getting her little wicked way tonight._

* * *

Author's Notes: Okay, loves, here is the next installment. Things are beginning to heat up, and I just don't mean between Bella, Jasper, and their silky sheets. One may be asking themselves how this chapter is important in any way, but it is. The next chapter (look away now if you don't want any spoilers) will bring up the big pink neon elephant in the room. I know a lot of you are curious. I think you'll be quite surprised how it comes about.

So, thanks to those who reviewed last chapter. They were appreciated, and I loved all the comments. Thanks to all those who added me to their alerts and favorites. It brings a smile to an author's face when someone wants to follow their little stories (*smiles*).

Anyway, if you have the time, I'd love to know your thoughts. All are welcomed. Teasers to those who review and I think it may be worth it. I hope all is well with everyone. Much love, darlings!

_Posted: 12 July 2011_


	28. Chapter XXVII

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. **No** copyright infringement intended.

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

"_Love endures only when the lovers love many things __together__ and not merely each other.__"_

_- Walter Lippmann _

"_A year, ten years from now, I'll remember this; not why, only that we were here like this, __together__.__"_

_- Adrienne Rich _

19 April – Late Wednesday Night – Bella's POV

Cheyenne had been especially difficult to get to sleep. I wondered if she could feel the underlying tension between Jasper and me. Even though we had apologized to the other, there was still a strain between us. It was actually quite weird. Jasper and I had our difficulties; we weren't exempt like any other couple, but hardly ever fought. The stress between us had been my fault. I didn't understand why I snapped so terribly at him.

Everything had just built up until I felt a pressure in my chest. Before I could even stop the words from spewing out, they fell like a vengeance. Jasper's surprised expression had hurt me more than anything. He wasn't used to me being so snappish. The guilt still ate at me, but I promised to make it up.

After my nap I had felt better, but the anticipation as I waited for Jasper was simply thrilling. I was ready for my vampire to come into the room. He had promised after all to have his very wicked way with me.

The door closed with a light squeak. I guess he had finally gotten Cheye to sleep. It was now our adult time. I bit my lips as I thought of all the things we would do tonight. I thought of his promise to do something to me, something we hadn't tried yet. The first indication of my arousal began to appear and dampen my undies.

...

Jasper approached the bed and smiled, already feeling my arrant desire. He stopped at the foot of the bed and stared at me as I bit the inside of my cheek. His visage was sensuous and inclusive. We both said everything we needed through our heated gazes.

_I love you! I trust you!_ They were words already spoken.

"Watch me, Isabella," he commanded me. I nodded my head in response as my tongue worked over my dry lips.

My body quivered with anticipation as I watched him slowly raise his shirt over his head before dropping it to the floor. I wondered if my saliva spilled out of my mouth as I took in his glorious chest. He was the most beautiful specimen I had ever seen. Each move of his was unintentionally sensual, pulling me in further to his web.

The muscles that lined his pale chest stirred with each movement as if it were a graceful dance. He stopped and gave me another inclusive stare. I wondered if he was examining my soul. His hands then went to the clasp of his jeans, and with an aching slowness, unbuttoned them. The sound of the zipper seemed to reverberate around the room, echoing in my ears. He tightened his fingers around the pull and sinuously tugged. When he was finished, he watched me as I watched him divest his pants and briefs. As he pulled down, each part of his beautiful body was exposed to my frail human eyes.

I knew they couldn't do his superlative body any justice. His skin glistened in the weak light, his muscles tightening and relaxing with each sublime movement he made.

As I made my way up from his feet to his jutting and firm hips, to the tip of his very erect member (I gulped) to the flatness of his stomach, to the lankiness of his arms and the sculpted outline of his chest, I felt myself fall little by little. My eyes finally found the wonder of his handsome face; a wobbly smile awaited me.

My heart skipped several beat with the tenderness his face displayed. Jasper was completely amazing and mine. I would never know what I had done to deserve him, but I counted myself lucky. No matter what may have happened or would happen to me, I counted myself among the truly blessed in this existence.

When I finished studying him, Jasper moved forward and reached out. His hands wrapped around my ankles and gently pulled me forward. I squirmed a little as he stopped the pulling me and studied me as if I were his only release. It was a look which sent my heart pounding. I never comprehended how he could love me so much.

"Lay still, kitten," he said, his voice breathy. My chest continued to rise with expectation and want. The fabric of my sleep pants scratched my skin in a delicious way as Jasper, inch by slow inch, pulled them down. Jasper's eyes never left mine as he divested me of my clothes. His were already removed, making me want to squirm with desire. I had already gotten my eyeful of him, but it was never enough.

The bed gave way as he crawled towards me. I wanted to grab him and bring his body to mine, but my man had other ideas. I was giddy with expectation. Jasper slowly lowered himself onto the bed and aligned his body with mine. I was laying on my right side with him behind me. I could already feel the beads of awareness soar through my heated blood. His hand started to outline my body as if becoming reacquainted with every angle, every curve, every dent, and every crevice. He left little to be undiscovered.

"Grab my hand, angel," he commanded in a raspy tone. I could all but feel the lust as it slammed into me from behind, causing me to squeeze my legs tighter. I knew it to be a natural reaction to such intense desires.

My shaky hand finally found his and I entwined them together. I waited unsteadily for his next direction. I never knew myself to be turned on by such acts.

"Bring my hand to your breast, Bella." His breath blanketed the side of my face and neck, causing me to tremble. His words all but caused my panties to become soaked. I attentively brought our combined hands to my surging chest. "Move your shirt then replace our hands," his thick voice sounded in my ears. I couldn't help the trembling that constantly ran through me.

My empty hand lifted up my night shirt, wanting to grant every wish of Jasper's. Our hands finally touched my exposed skin. I inhaled deeply, reveling in the naughty feeling of both Jasper touching me and my hands doing all the work required.

"Make me touch you, Isabella!" His breath filled my ear as his teeth caught the lobe between his lips. The wetness all but increased between my thighs. I could feel myself aching below. My bottom pushed into Jasper, needing to feel some sort of friction. His erection hit my bum as he pressed back into me. Our combined groans filled the air as I immediately started to squeeze my breast with our fingers. The intimate action only intensified my moans for him.

My breast continued to mold around our fingers. I brought Jasper's hand to my heightened nipple, hoping with everything inside me that he would command me to do something.

And as if he could read my mind he spoke, "Squeeze it, kitten!"

I emitted a low sound at the charge. I rolled our fingers around the pointy nipple that begged for undivided attention. My wanton thoughts all but scared me. I never knew myself to be so open and complying with deliciously wicked acts. "Harder," his harsh breath directed. I put more pressure on our fingers and pushed back into Jasper even more as the sensation shot awareness through my entire body.

"Mmm, very good, kitten."

My vampire licked my neck, trailing his tongue to the crease in my neck next to my shoulder. I tilted my head to the side, wanting to give him even more of an advantage. I continued to wiggle in his lap as our fingers played on my chest. I wasn't sure how much longer I could last. Other parts of me were aching, begging me to also pay them attention. Jasper must have felt my wanton desires because the breath from his words swept over my wet neck, causing me to quiver in his embrace.

"Trail our hands down, Bella," he commanded, still running his tongue over the available skin on my shoulders, neck and arms. Without haste I started to quickly move our hands down, needing to pay some attention to my aching core.

Our movement suddenly stopped, and a protest left my lips. Jasper's little chuckles hit my back. "So eager to please, kitten." All I could do was moan in protest. I wanted our hands further down. "Go slower, Bella, allow us to savor the moment," his husky voice instructed.

I nodded my head and started our movements again, making sure to take my time. It was beyond difficult not to race to my intended goal. However, the anticipation was making me all but dripping for him.

Our hands ghosted over my fevered skin, rushing with the blood my heart sent out at a rapid pace. I traced the underside of my tits, making sure to tease Jasper as much as myself. He pushed into me and buried his face in my sweaty hair. It was already sticking to the nape of my neck. Jasper's words had me hotter than anything.

Our hands continued to work over my belly, touching each part of my stomach, tracing my ribcage. I always salivated when Jasper paid any attention to my ribcage. Our fingers rimmed my bellybutton, before dipping inside, deeply. I hissed as I felt Jasper's uncovered erection slipped between my legs, the only thing separating us was a thin piece of silk. I knew the action had him even more turned on, as I was. I hoped it was a precursor for things to come. I took our hands from my bellybutton and traveled down the light spattering of hair on my stomach.

"Take your damn shirt off, kitten," he demanded. "I want to feel your hot, perspired skin on mine!"

I untwined our hands, lifted my shirt over my head and let it fall where it may. I went to turn around, wanting to see the reaction on Jasper's face, but he wouldn't let me. He said it added to the sensations, not being able to see his reaction, but being completely in tune with my own. My side hit the bed again, knowing the only thing that now separated us was my panties.

"Put our hands down your saturated panties, kitten!" I gulped at the hissed command. I couldn't help the trembles that raced through my heated blood. His words were electrifying. "I can smell your arousal, and now I want it to coat my fingers." My insides clenched at the dirty words. I couldn't take the separation any longer. I also wanted to feel our hands together within me. I wanted to feel as our nails scraped me and our fingers swirled around the tight space.

With a timid action, I entered our twined fingers into my bottoms. Jasper hissed at the heated feeling. I slipped us between my legs and near my wet slit.

"Open up your legs wider," I immediately complied with his wishes. I was somewhat ashamed of my already sopping panties, but Jasper's didn't care. He picked up my left leg and draped it over his behind me.

"Mmm, yes, Bella, feel at how wet you already are for me, such sticky and heated goodness." I whimpered at his impassioned words. I all but burnt up with desire. I started to work us within be, letting Jasper's words spur me on. We both exhaled sharply at the intimacy it involved, with us being incased in my core.

Our fingers worked in tandem as they pushed into me deeply, causing me to push my bum into Jasper even harder. My shaking voice mingled with his grunts, and the air around us sparked with electricity. When they had reached my core, becoming drenched in my release, I pulled our fingers out, shuddering as the sliding sensation sent delicious tingles along the walls of my sopping passage. I couldn't really process my thoughts, but the one thing that stuck out to me the most was how full I felt. It wasn't just my finger inside of me, but his. It was as if our entire beings had colluded together and drove into me, wanting to send me head-first over the edge.

"More, kitten," he rasped out, biting my neck, but not piercing the skin. "Make our passion send you into a frenzy." I started to come undone with his words. My hand sent us further and deeper into me, scraping the sides of my swollen core. "Feel my finger inside you, kitten. Work yourself further onto our fingers, Bella."

Everything was becoming too much. Colors exploded around my closed eyelids, my sounds became strained in my throat, becoming clogged with my heavy breathing. Jasper's erection continued to push into me from behind, working in step with our thrusting fingers. I could feel his pre-release coating my legs. The air around us was warm and caressed my exposed skin. It only added to the intense sensations Jasper caused me to feel. The squeak of the springs filled my ears and accompanied our movements.

"Jasper," I rasped. My knees threatened to knock together.

"What, angel," he grunted, making my nickname sound forbidden. There were so many things I wanted to say, wanted to beg for, but I was embarrassed by the sheer amount I felt.

"Inside, please," was all I was able to squeak out. My head was tossed back on the pillow, shaking with anticipation.

I started to quiver even more as I felt our fingers slip out of me agonizingly slow. His individual digit caressed the opening to my lady hole. The moan escaped my lips before I could even think to suppress it. Jasper just laughed at the amount of need I had. I knew it made him giddy with his own need and control he had over me.

"Yes, Jasper, there," I whispered, embarrassed. His finger went inside and my back arched involuntarily. The feeling was glorious, but I wanted something different, something that would make me feel more full and complete. I didn't want to go over his finger or my own anymore, but on his erection.

"No, Jasper," I cried out, "I want you inside me, baby," I finally beseeched, finding the words somewhere in my incoherent brain. I was quickly turned around, not really aware what was happening around me. All I knew was my desire for my vampire and it clawed at every part of me.

Jasper's luscious body dropped down to mine, covering every inch of my exposed skin. I wanted to rejoice as I felt his warm skin touch my even hotter one. Each muscle aligned with mine and his face found its way into my neck. He gently bit down, causing me to cry out his name. My legs were still opened and became molded around his lower half. I was more than ready for him. I could feel my stickiness as it slid out of me and coated my thighs.

My moan left my throat as I felt Jasper's member slip in between me. I cried out loudly from the slick feeling as it rubbed between, hitting my nub. Even though Jasper hadn't entered me, I already felt fuller with him flanked in my lips.

"There, my love," he breathed hotly in my neck. My chest bounced up and down with my pronounced breathing.

"Almost," I choked out.

Jasper's lips attached to mine. His tongue pushed into mouth and sampled all that had happened while experiencing him. Jasper's harried tongue licked and tasted everything. It felt as if there wasn't a spot in my mouth left unexplored by him. It only added to our moment of completeness. Jasper pulled his tongue out of my mouth and licked along the seams of my lips. The velvety feeling of his muscle felt like heaven along my swollen mouth.

"I love you, Isabella," he rasped. Before I even had a chance to comment, I felt his solid member finally slip into me. It was slow and excruciating sweet. Inch by inch, he became coated in my essence until all of him was inside me. We both shuddered and sighed at the abundance of finally coming together in the most intimate of ways. His erection began to move as he allowed me to become situated with him.

Jasper started to follow the same routine as our fingers previously, starting a slow and sensuous motion. Deeper and further he drove into me, my walls expanding to fit around his engorged member. Tremor after exquisite tremor worked through my frame, sending maddening tingles everywhere. I roughly pulled Jasper's face down to mine, sealing our lips together. My anxious breath left my mouth and went into his parted lips. Our sounds became mixed and indecipherable. Everything became almost surreal as it always did when we connected fully and in every way.

"Scratch my back, kitten," he commanded, shoving deeply in me. I wrapped my legs tighter around his waist and clenched my passage muscles tighter around him. My fingers found their way shakily to his back. I could feel each individual muscle that worked to keep him moving and practically upright. I allowed my finger nails to scrape along the spine of his back, pressing in as deeply as I could without hurting myself. Jasper groaned at the contact and shoved so hard into my core I thought I would have careened out of this world.

Before I could stop myself or even prolong my release, my body took over and grabbed onto its liberation. The free fall was astounding and beyond belief. Sensation after magnificent sensation coursed through my heaving body. My nails dug even further into Jasper, not having any recollection as to what was happening, but only feeling. His name fell continuously from my mouth, wanting him to know that it was only him that could make me feel so complete and absolute.

My body felt like it was experiencing a precession. The more I slowly spun from all I felt, the more I fell from my axis. Everything else spun around me, making me feel as if I was changing directions constantly. And before I could feel totally fulfilled, my love pushed into me one last time before he allowed his free fall. The deep spot Jasper hit caused my hypersensitive cervix to spasm once again. My muscles tightened around him again and my release joined his. Jasper spilled into me, slowly pushing into me with each wave that rocked us. With little to no energy left, my back slumped and landed ungracefully on the bed. My legs slipped from around Jasper and hung open on their prospective sides. My arms became heavy and also drooped to my sides.

My vampire went to pull out of me, but my pitiful whine seemed to stop him. I sighed as he stayed seated within me and allowed his body to rest on mine. I lazily kissed the side of his neck and giggled as he exasperatedly groaned. I knew it was in jest, but the vibrations from his chest caused me to shiver. Everything about him elicited a response from me.

"Goodness, Jasper, you sure know how to command a girl to completion." I kissed the hollow of his collarbone. He chuckled deeply within his throat.

"That's the Military man in me, angel. I do try to keep tight reins on him. There's no telling what lewd demands he may make while in passion, kitten.

"It doesn't hurt to let him abound sometimes, Jazz," I commented, hiding my face in his chest. I was embarrassed by how wet I was getting again. I knew Jasper could feel my reaction thoroughly. He was still buried inside me. "I enjoyed the things you made me do."

Jasper pushed into me, his member already rising to the occasion. I cried out as he hit me deeply without warning. It made my naughty side want him all the rougher.

"Yes, baby, rougher," I whimpered in his ear. I push my ultimate desire at Jasper, wanting to send him deeper within me. I also sent my trust. I didn't want him to be scared to be somewhat callous with me. I was breakable, but he didn't even come close to that limit.

"Bella," he whined as my desire overwhelmed him.

"Jasper," I murmured wetly into his neck before biting his skin. It hurt a little, but I repressed it, allowed my yearning to rise. My action had the reaction I craved and before I could prepare, Jasper picked up his motion before completely pulling out. I was surprised and it was my turn to whine from the loss of contact.

"On your fucking hands and knees, now!" he hissed into my ear, shoving his finger repeatedly into me. And before I could comply, I found my satisfaction. His wanton words and actions sent me over the edge. I closed my eyes and wet every inch of his fingers embedded in me.

I slowly cracked opened my eyes as I felt his finger trail in between my wet thighs. A wicked smile played on his lips as he brought his finger to his mouth and licked it clean. I felt myself become soaking as it seeped onto my leg. It was unfair the things he was able to accomplish by simply tasting me.

Jasper only waited a few seconds for me to catch my wind before he directed me again to my hands and knees, ass facing him.

"Grab a hold of the sheet, kitten!" I did as he said and shook from eagerness. I was more than ready for him again. "Hold fucking tight," he breathed sinfully onto my back before licking up my spine. Goosebumps broke out over my flesh.

Jasper situated his hands on my hips and without warning, entered me roughly. I cried out joyfully through the pain, enjoying the shattering exhilarations. I had never been entered that way and loved the naughtiness of the position. I never believed myself to be so impious.

Jasper began his movements, not sparing me any time to react. He took my words to heart and worked me as he wanted. He brought my hips back to him as his member carved out its path in my wet center.

In and out he went, slipping and sliding against my walls, coating his penis with my sticky releases. My legs spread wider as he aimed to find a spot in me he had never reached. I couldn't understand how each time he drove into my core he seemed to find an even better spot, a more lustful place. The sound of our skin slapping together filled the space around us. My yells of his name fell from my mouth, only encouraging him to take me as he pleased.

Each of his thrusts was jarring and almost uncontrolled. However, I knew Jasper would never fully lose control. There was an inherent place within his soul that cautioned him to never hurt me. He had told me that one night after a soft love-making session.

"Almost, Jasper," I whimpered desperately, knowing I was inches from falling a third time.

"My name, kitten, let it fall from your swollen lips." His hot breaths hit the small of my back. His intense plunging had me gripping even more to the sheets, moaning wetly. My breasts continued to bob and swing with my back and forth movements.

"Jasper . . ." I repeated over and over, urging him on with my throaty murmurings.

His right hand let go of my hip and found its way in between our connection. With precision that I knew Jasper had to a fault, he pinched my nub and sent me to my freedom. My nerves reacted as predicted and my shouts accompanied my immense release. I continued to pant heavily as I fell to my forearms and my forehead it the mattress. Jasper grabbed my hip once more and went for his eventual elation.

With a few more deep as hell shoves, he spilled into me, shouting my name. I clenched the sheets again as cried at the depth of our connection. My core muscles continued to compress around him, wanting to prolong his sensations.

My legs finally gave out and Jasper followed. He pulled out of me and rolled onto his back. My vampire reached for me and pulled me into his embrace. I buried my face into his neck as my legs straddled his waist. My body was sweaty, sated, and satisfied. I would be deliciously sore in the morning, but it was something I welcomed. I had yearned for Jasper to use me in any way he wanted and he hadn't disappointed.

...

His fingers rubbed light circles around my back, causing my skin to rise with bumps. I shivered from the slow and lazy contact; Jasper chuckled. I tightened my arms around his shoulders.

"I'm so in love with you, baby," I heard myself proclaiming hungrily. The need to tell him so felt urgent within me.

My love moved the hair plastering my neck and ear before he whispered back, "I'm so in love with you, angel." My body shook with pleasure from his returned affection. "Was I too rough, Isabella?" he asked, his voice becoming a little graver.

I shook my head before telling him an embarrassing truth that had the blood rushing to my face. "I wish you could have been more forceful, Jasper," I guiltily admitted. His deep laughs filled his body and traveled into mine. I never knew myself to be so shameless.

"There's only one way for that to happen, angel," he admitted and I became intrigued.

"And what's that, Jasper," I found myself asking, not being able to hide the fascination.

He kissed my cheek before licking the side of my neck where it pulsed with my heartbeat. I knew he could hear the blood as it traveled through my veins.

"I would have to change you into what I am," he admitted.

I would have to become a vampire. My body froze with the profession.

* * *

Author's Notes: Oh, and there it finally is. And, I'm positively evil (*tried not to cackle evilly*). I already realize this, loves. Now you're thinking, finally, after all this time. The question or suggestion has been raised before. It was with Edward when he asked her, but Bella basically told him to mind his own damn business. I'm not sure if many of you remember, but it isn't really relevant.

So, this chapter was another challenge to write. I do try and make them somewhat naughty, but find that I lack in doing it. Hopefully it was somewhat steamy. I want to challenge myself, even with writing lemons. Were you surprised how the topic was raised (no pun intended . . . LOL)? Did you expect it to come about another way?

Anyway, dear readers, thanks for taking the time to read. Thanks to all those who have added this story to their alerts and favorites. It never gets old seeing someone wanting to follow this story. And to the amazing reviewers, I love you all. You rock my world (after Jasper of course). Teasers for those who review. Until next time, I hope all is well with everyone. Much love.

Wanted to give a shout-out to aggy73 for being the four hundredth reviewer. It amazes me completely to have even that number of reviews!

_Posted: 20 July 2011_


	29. Chapter XXVIII

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended. I hate doing this, but I have to give a tissue notice, especailly for those who may be a softie like me.

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

"_Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy... Anger... tears... laughter.. It's when you want to be together despite it all. That's when you truly love another. I'm sure of it.__"_

_- Unknown_

30 May – Tuesday Afternoon – Jasper's POV

My stomach continuously churned with worry. If human, I would have been bent over a toilet, cursing the sickness that spilled from my mouth. My throat all but burned with the imaginary stomach acid. Perhaps it was the venom that regurgitated in my throat, causing the constant stinging. My hands found their way to my neck and closed around the column; I wanted the burning to stop.

Even with the pain I was experiencing, the only thing that kept permeating my mind was Bella's absence. The worry clawed at my useless stomach. Eight hours Bella had been gone – without any notice to me about her whereabouts. She was free to come and go as pleased, but she should have had the courtesy to leave some sort of note. My concern for the girl knew no bounds. Was it so difficult to put my fucking mind at ease, even a little bit?

My shirt tearing again pulled me from the hurricane whirling in my mind. I hadn't even noticed my fingers twining in my shirt and tearing it up over my intense worry. My need to tear at my skin was stronger, but I somehow refrained. I wanted some liberation from the constant tumbling in my gut.

"Where the hell are you, Bella?" I asked myself, ineffectively. "Enough," I all but growled. I couldn't stand the inactivity. My body all but begged for me to hunt her down. My tracking skills were somewhat unpracticed, but something had to be done.

I grabbed my keys and raced to my car at vampire speed. My need to make sure Bella was safe was alarmingly high. I wasn't sure how long I would last without my walls of sanity breaking. The family hadn't been informed about Bella's disappearing act, but I was starting to get desperate. I didn't know how long I could go without informing someone else. Some things just couldn't be handled on my own.

…

Two more hours had passed and Bella still hadn't turned up. I didn't even pick up her scent. My anxiety and unease were at a breaking point. Many images and scenarios filled my overactive vampire mind. So many things could have happened to Bella without my knowing.

I pulled into my garage once more, with the intent of checking the house before going to the Cullen's. I couldn't continue on my own any longer. I needed the support of my family, but mostly Carlisle. He was my calm in the personal storm that brewed in my gut. The car door wrenched opened, and I all but stopped in my tracks. The sound of a pounding heart filtered through the background noise. I closed my eyes and took in the beautiful noise; it was the accompaniment to my every step: Bella's heartbeat.

As if in slow motion and not allowing myself to believe the truth, I made my way inside. Each step was taken carefully, precisely. For some reason, I was scared to see Bella. I didn't understand my reluctance, except for the sole reason of her not being okay. Bella hadn't been fine for a while, but she hadn't disappeared from my sight. Bella had been in a reclusive shell, only coming out at odd times. The sparkle that used to light up her eyes was gone, replaced by a dull ache I couldn't understand.

The door slowly creaked open as I pushed it out of the way. Steam engulfed me, drifting over my dead skin. Instead of it being a warm, blanketing comfort, it felt wrong. It was almost like the fog that had overcome me in Bella's absence. Years had passed since I'd felt its effects, but the feeling of the steam was still the same, only tangible. I shivered from the foreboding feeling. Venom already started to fill my eyes. Everything about this fucking situation felt groundless.

I quickly willed the venom from my eyes. It obscured my vision too much. Step by step I came closer to Bella. If I had a heartbeat, it would have been beyond frantic. When I reached the glass door to the shower, my hand closed around the handle and opened. The sight that greeted me was alarming, to say the least.

Bella sat in the middle of the shower, hot water slicing over her small body. Her head was bent and the long tresses were plastered onto her face and back. Sobs racked her body; she looked all but beaten. However, that wasn't the most heartbreaking sight; in Bella's tiny hand was a cleaning sponge. She was frenetically scrubbing at her skin, trying to get off some imaginary blemish that wasn't on her ruby-red flesh.

The sight tore hard at my heart, ripping it to shreds. Bella's cries twisted my stomach into an origami shape I would never recognize. Venom soaked my eyes at the picture before me at an alarming rate. I didn't have a change to prepare for the sting that accompanied the poison. My life was at my feet, and her hurt pierced into every inch of my skin, soaking into my already weary muscles.

"Bella," I said, brokenly. I needed her attention on me and off her already scratched skin. As if she didn't even hear me, she continued. Her hands rubbed at her legs, each sob that tore from her throat complemented each scratch she gave to her body. Her back all but convulsed with each moan.

"Bella!" I shouted this time, with no intentions of being ignored. My angel ignored my called and picked up the pace of her brutal behavior. Without another thought, I moved into the shower and grabbed her from behind. Bella's hand clenched tightly over the sponge; she had no intention of letting it from her grasp.

Water immediately soaked me, plastering my clothes tightly to my skin. My hair fell into my face, poking me in the eyes. My right arm encircled her from behind and constricted her to me; my left arm reached over her shoulder and pulled at the sponge. This action seemed to ignite a fire in her.

Bella instantly started to thrash, kicking and pushing me from her small frame. Fear and shock grabbed at me. I was astounded by her behavior.

"No, Jasper!" she screamed, twisting her body around. I instinctively held tighter, afraid she would hurt herself even more. The hot water continued to pour out the shower head, making our movements slick and even more dangerous. "Leave me alone," she pleaded, desperately. "Leave me be," she brokenly sobbed. Her throat sounded as if it was torn in several places.

"No, love," I hissed ardently in her ear. I needed her to understand. "Come back to me, angel!"

"JASPER!" she screamed for a final time. I placed my hand over her mouth and silenced most of the shriek. Over and over she mumbled.

She beseeched me to stop, to leave her be. She asked me over and over, why I '_couldn't understand'_. I wanted to shout back at her, "_You never told me what the fuck was the matter_", but knew it would be in vain. I didn't even know if she was aware of her frantic state. My mind and emotions whirled. Everything Bella felt slammed into me, making things more chaotic.

With only one possibility coming to my mind and with nothing else to lose, I turned Bella in my arms, leaned forward into her personal space, and urgently placed my lips over Bella's. The screams ceased, but the hitting continued. I feared at all the bruises Bella would have in the morning. My left hand left her hip and became entwined in her wet, curly locks. My lips pressed more firmly into hers and pushed her head into the cusp of my hand. My mouth moved over Bella's, trying to tell her something she wouldn't understand. The force of my lips on hers was fierce, but I couldn't relent.

She tried to move her face from mine, but I wouldn't allow it. She needed to come back. I was a fucking monster for treating her so forcefully, but I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't stomach her hurting the already fragile, injured skin.

Time passed with our lips sealed, and finally . . . finally Bella started to calm. Her fists no longer pounded on my chest but grasped onto my wet, ruined shirt. The kiss turned from bruising to passionate. My head was swimming in everything and hardly making sense with all the swift changing emotions. My lips gloried in being reunited with my loves. It has seemed like an eternity that any intimacy had passed between us.

I pulled back and allowed Bella the chance to breath. My lips refused to leave her wet, slippery skin. Her throat provided the escape I needed. I sucked greedily at her rapid, pounding pulse. The rhythm in her vein thumped on my tongue, pushing her taste even more into my mouth. My hands slid along her body, enjoying the sensation the water created. Bella's moaned filled the spaces between the thick steams that wafted around us.

"Touch me, Jasper, everywhere," she breathed hotly on my chest. My mind was clouded with lust and my cock throbbed painfully in my tight, wet pants.

"Bella," I begged, trying to maintain some semblance of order that I was quickly losing. "Wait, angel –" I pleaded, but was rightly ignored. She pushed her core into me, rubbing tantalizing on my hard bits.

"No, Jazz, NOW!" she demanded. And I caved, like I always did with Bella. I had no shield against my love, nor would I ever want one. Bella could hurt me a thousand times over, and I would always come back to her. It may have made me weak and desperate, but I didn't fucking care. The girl was my existence, there was no other choice. I cared less of what some other person fucking thought of me.

Bella's hands became tired of waiting and started to pull at my clothes. I buried my head in her neck and rubbed my forehead along the column of her neck. My breathing was still erratic, bus so was hers. I reveled in the feel of her hands on me, the scorch she set afire in my veins. I was burned alive. Bella finally pulled my pants down. I pushed into her instantly, sighing as my penis was finally free and near her unique heat.

My hands tore at my shirt. The weak fabric ripped under my strength, giving way like butter. I dropped the useless rag next to me before pulling Bella into me again. I pushed at her hair that clung to her neck before replacing it once again with my lips. My kitten's leg wrapped around me and her moans filled my ears deliciously.

"Damn it, Jasper, I need you too much."

Her nails scratched down my back before roughly grabbing my ass checks. Before I could take anymore, I switched our positions. Bella's back crashed against the wall as my body aligned with hers. My cock pushed its way in between her slick thighs. She opened her legs further. Our lips met again in a fierce heat as my hands traced the angles and mounds of her luscious body.

But after a while, even that wasn't enough. It had been over a month since we had been intimate, had sex of any kind. My member all but begged me to just shove into her pussy, to feel only the warmth she could surround me with. My body all but sobbed at the thought of being reunited with her so privately.

It seemed as if I wasn't the only one missing such personal contact. Bella slid down the wall and pulled me along with her. I quickly turned off the water that turned cold before pushing Bella back. Her body molded onto the shower floor as I lay on her. We both moaned in sync at the close contact.

"No more, Jasper," my kitten mewled into my mouth. Her hands pulled at my hair and her legs wrapped securely around my back. "Make me forget everything, love."

I pulled back and stared into her eyes. They were glazed over with passion. I became overwhelmed at the amount of emotions I saw there. The past fell away from me, and the only thing that matter in that moment was Bella beneath me and lack of space between us. I leaned down and worshipped her lips.

"I love you, Isabella," I breathed heavily into her mouth. "B-Baby, I love you."

"Me too, Jasper. I love you!" she cried, and with those gorgeous words falling from her swollen lips, I lined up at her opening and pushed in without hesitation. We both hissed at the sudden warmth that flooded our systems. I always felt like nirvana with Bella; when I was sunk into her, I all but burned alive. I gloried in the fire, never wanting to be removed from the furnace.

We both started to move, wanting to be close, needing the fucking friction. Wave after wave fell over us. Our shallow breaths fanned over the other's face, our hands held tightly together above our heads, our hips working together.

I pushed into Bella endlessly, craving to never be separated. I buried my face in her neck and sucked her skin into my mouth, matching the rhythm of my hips. My eyes filled with tears and my body shuddered with constant need. I was at a loss for words. The only thing I could register was our moving bodies and the love we passed freely into the other. I could feel Bella start to build up. Her heat became all but literal fire as her walls compressed me.

I wanted to speak, wanted to tell her of my utter devotion, but found the words missing. My own need was building. So I told Bella with my body what I couldn't say with my words. My hips became all but frantic as Bella reached her peak and cried out her elations. Her spine arched and pushed her breasts further into my chest. My angel's liquid slid down her passage and covered every inch I had buried in her. I hissed at the euphoric sensation. I had nothing left. My need to release arrived.

With one final forceful push, I reached Bella's innermost spot and spilled into her. The awareness was phenomenon and shook me to the very core. Bella's legs fell further apart as I rode out my orgasm. She rocked her hips and caused me to fall even further. When I was finally spent, I collapsed onto my side.

I was breathless as was Bella. I switched our positions and pulled her onto my stone chest. Her heart beat wildly onto my silent one. Her cheek lay over my unbeaten heart and we both sighed in fulfillment.

As the minutes gave way, so did the pace of my love's heart. Slowly but surely it returned to a normal level and her breaths evened out. I knew she wasn't far from sleep.

I ever-so-gently picked her up and moved out of the shower. I wrapped her in a towel before going into our room. After pulling the covers back, placing us both in the center of the bed, and tucking us in, I situated Bella around me. She curled willingly into my body. Her eyes fluttered shut and light snores weren't far behind.

"I love you," she whimpered. I fell at her words; my body trembled with fervor. My heart burst open with all the love I felt for her. I wondered if she would ever be able to feel the full extent of my devotion for her.

I wondered a lot of things.

The remainder of the night passed in relative silence as I watched Bella sleep. I cleaned up her scratches and bandaged them. They hadn't really occurred to me after our time in the shower.

My lips found her skin throughout the night. I occasionally peppered her face with gentle kisses, repeating my constant and abiding love to her. I had missed my angel and the light she used to fill our home with. Nothing was ever right in my world without her. When the sun rose and Bella began to wake, I turned her over, needing to see my love's exquisite's face. I was instantly stopped, my immense sadness returned.

Bella's eyes were vacant; she was lost to me once again. I wept in her neck, wishing the tears would just fall. Would my body ever cease its shuddering.

* * *

31 May – Wednesday – Jasper's POV

The remainder of the day was spent at the house. Bella had briefly come out of her strange trance. She didn't speak much and ate less. My heart continued to crack as I gaze at her cheerless face. When I looked into her eyes, it was as if there was no one there, all was eerily silent. It was both a scary and unnatural sight. There were times I had seen Bella sad and distressed, but it could never compare to this. I was at a loss.

When she had refused to touch her food, I picked it up and brought it to her lips. After speaking softly and pleadingly into her ear, she finally relented and took several bites. Her eyes filled with tears as she chewed. The water that lingered looked like tiny jewels, cracked and battered like our little family. I tried to coax her to eat more, but she refused. Her murky orbs swallowed the green flecks and the vacancy returned.

I returned to the kitchen with the intention of putting the dishes away, however, the glass plate slammed against the wall as I threw it. A loud shatter filled my ears, but didn't help to relieve any pain. My body fell to the ground like the broken pieces of plate and my muffled screams replaced the shattering noise. It was my turn to fall to pieces. My body curled into itself and I simply held on tightly. I had nothing else to give.

I didn't know who long I laid there, trying to push out all my emotions, but it was moot. Cheyenne was with Carlisle and Bella was in her own world. I refused to see anyone else. My weakness was mine alone, I had put my family through enough already.

Sniffling pulled me from the internal soliloquy in my head. Bella was somewhat coherent. She usually only cried when she was in control. I picked myself up from the floor and ran to our room. Bella lay on her right side. Her profile looked small and feeble. I stopped in the door way and made enough noise so she could hear me. I didn't want to needlessly add to her fright.

After a few moments she finally looked up. Our eyes met and we both just watched. Not sure what else to do. My wits end had been met and I was slowly following her into insanity. We were both confused, but there was a small silver-lining in our chaos: the love was still evident. Her love reached out and blanketed my skin. It was a soft caress, almost like a goose feather being dragged over one's flesh. It caused me to involuntarily shiver.

I opened my eyes again and could only imagine how impossibly black they were. So many things swirled around me and were seeping out through my eyes. Bella winced a little and I pulled back. My gift was shaky, but I didn't want to hurt my angel. There was enough of that shit going around. Our eyes caught each other's again; I took this as my opportunity to speak. Something had to break through her walls.

"This can't continue, Isabella. Something needs to change," I told her in the most honest and calm voice I could muster. My insides felt like they were being boiled. She gazed at me for a while longer before nodding. For a moment I thought she had retreated. I gave her a very weak smile. It was all I could give. She reluctantly returned it.

"Where's Cheyenne, Jasper?" I wanted to scoff at her question. It was the bitterness I had felt lately. I pushed it far away. I couldn't let anything taint me further, my struggles were already enough.

"Carlisle has her."

She nodded again, a faraway look coming into her eyes. I wondered almost painfully what she was thinking. Any insight into her mind would have been a god sent. I had radar on her emotions, but Bella was only feeling a few things, they have me no insight. I willed her silently to continue to show interest, anything from what became her now normal routine.

"Could you bring her home . . . please," she added as an afterthought.

She didn't elaborate as she stared at me. A sigh left my lips before I agreed. When I thought she would retreat once again into her mind, she surprised me. My angel stayed lucid.

"May we talk, Bella?" I had every intention of bringing Cheye home, but I wanted to clear some of our issues. Things needed to be hashed out.

She reluctantly nodded, but spoke right after. "Just bring Cheyenne home first." There was nothing left to do, Bella wanted her daughter, and I wanted both of them near me. I wanted my family back, whole.

"Okay, angel, just give me a half hour to go and get her. Is there anything else you require, Bella?"

I wanted to ask if she was fine, but knew better. I didn't want to start another fight. Egg shells were scattered all around Bella and I learned to tread lightly. She gave me a faint smile, which I returned immediately. My angel always captured me intently. She pushed her wellness at me, and even though it was rickety, I knew she would hold until I returned.

I quickly turned around; the sooner I left the faster I could come back.

"I love you, Jasper," her tiny voice stopped me completely as it permeated my steel skin. My lids closed as I internalized the words and the feelings. It was gloriously welcomed. I rushed back over to my love and closed my mouth over hers. She jumped at me being suddenly in front of her, but recovered. Her heart rate, however, still rocketed.

We both sighed at the contact and the beauty of the warmth which saturated from within. My lips worked over hers in devotion, cherishing the brief interlude we had. My tongue worshiped her while savoring our delicious flavor. When Bella had to breathe once more, I pulled away and trailed my forehead long her left cheek. My lips caressed her neck, pulling her scent through my nose.

"I love you also, Isabella," I finally returned. Her fingers became twined in my hair. I pulled away, slightly, not wanting to displace her hands from me. Her eyes were glassy, but not with emptiness. Her emotions told me of nothing but her immeasurable love and gratitude. They pulled me forward once again and I kissed her fluttering lashes. "I shall return shortly, angel." I let out a sharp breathe, fighting my desire to not leave her.

She ran her tiny fingers over my scalp. It was a sensation I always loved. "Go, Jasper. I'll be here when you return." I knew there was a double meaning to her words. I nodded before fighting the need to keep touching her. I untangled myself from her and ran to the garage.

I kept telling myself that Cheyenne would also want to see her mommy. It was truly the only thing that caused me to leave. There was still something in Bella's emotions I couldn't read, and the thought made me nervous. My fear was more than reasonable.

…

Cheyenne had all but flipped when she saw me. Emmett had been holding her, and when her eyes landed on me, her wiggling little body was reaching out to me. I could see the tears building in her baby blues. I wondered if she thought I wasn't coming for her. I hurt just thinking about her feeling that kind of doubt. She didn't understand and all Cheye knew was I wasn't there fast enough. We didn't travel at vampire speed around Cheyenne: Carlisle's rules. He wanted to ensure her constant safety. He was just a big worry-wart when it came to his _little love_. It warmed my heart.

Emmett pouted a little, but I gave him a small smile. Everyone was well aware of my daughter and her unhealthy need of me. As soon as she was in my arms, her little head went into my neck and her hands fisted in my shirt. I defied anyone to take her from me. Hell, Cheye defied anyone to take her from me.

"Hi, Cheye, beauty," I whispered onto her pudgy cheek. I nuzzled her soft skin and she burrowed deeper into me. Besides her mother, my daughter was my existence. I would give up everything for her, and that included my eternity. I ever-so-gently pushed out a tiny bit of love to her, wanting her secure. She immediately started to babble in her baby talk. She may have been a little over six months, but she was a talkative little things.

Rosie watched me with a kindness she usually reserved for Bella. It was my angel's patented "Rosie look". My sister pushed her curiosity to me, but I didn't speak. I just luxuriated in my daughter's innocence and warmth she gave to me. Her little blond curls tickled my skin. She looked beyond adorable in her barely there pigtails.

When I finally got some of my much needed fill of the little beauty, my attention turned to Rose.

"Where's Carlisle?" I was surprised he could part from Cheyenne. I could only sense Esme, Edward, and the dynamic sex duo. Edward's soft music filled the air. I knew he played for Cheyenne, more now than anyone else. Regardless how much he denied it, I could also feel his protectiveness of Cheyenne. He still kept his distance, but it was there.

"He only came home briefly from work. He seemed preoccupied on a patient. There has been an influx with the flu right now," she explained and I could feel her concern. It was mainly focused on my daughter. She didn't want her to get sick, and I could more than understand that. "He and Esme hunted before Carlisle immediately went back to the hospital." I was a little disappointed, but quickly guarded my thoughts. I could feel Edward's curiosity as he propped my mind.

"I need to go," I said, distractedly.

"Sorry, Jasper," Edward apologized, sorrowfully.

"No worries, brother. You cannot help your gift." Both Emmett and Rose looked to me in confusion. I waved them off before they could continue. My need to return to Bella was strong.

"About the same, Rose," I explained, remembering her earlier curiosity. Her head bent down and she let out a shaky breath. Weren't we all shaky these days? There was nothing else I could do.

With my daughter safely secured in my arms, I walked towards my car. We were ready to see Bella.

"Love you, son," Esme's sad voice called from upstairs. Her thoughts didn't come to me, but her feelings were more than clear.

"Love you too, Esme," I whispered, not being able to give her anything else. My little reserve was left for Bella and Cheyenne.

The front door closed silently behind me. I allowed my daughter's fast heartbeats to calm me, preparing me.

…

The first thing I took notice of before entering the house, with my daughter in tow, was Bella's heartbeat. It was somewhat even, with moments of it beating a little faster. With just that sound I knew a couple of things: she was not asleep and not down her own rabbit hole, chasing whatever her mind conjured. The thought was a little scathing, but it felt like the only way to explain her mental absence.

I just gloried in the thought of her being awake and clear. I opened the door and carried my little babbling beauty inside.

"I'll be out soon, Jasper," Bella spoke. She had long come to the idea there was no need to yell around me. She could have murmured something under her voice and I still would have been able to hear. I couldn't fight the smile when I thought of Emmett and his need to be boisterous. Cheye usually got a kick out of her uncle. They spoke a language only the two of them could understand. It was entertaining at times, and annoying at best. But that was my brother; one loved him as he came.

"Okay, angel," I answered, a little louder for her to hear.

Bella's voice had been surprisingly clear. It wasn't mumbled or cracked. I was becoming more hopeful and intrigued by the minute. I reached out, wanting to sample her feelings. There was still some sadness, but the majority of what I felt was determination. Perhaps she had found the will to fight her depression. It was the only way for things to get better. No matter how much I loved and protected her, my will could only do so much. Bella had to make the stand and the decision to change. That was a lesson I had learned over and over again and was more than familiar with; however, it didn't lessen my pain. Many times I had failed, relying on others to do something for me. Life didn't work that way, and ultimately I was responsible for myself. My skin still wore the scars to prove that most painful and long, drawn-out period.

My bum hit the couch as I sat carefully. I didn't want to jostle Cheye too much. She was a fragile little sparrow. My hand sought out the blanket Bella kept draped over the back of the couch. She claimed it was for our snuggling sessions, but I knew she waited for the opportunity to smother Emmett with it. I smirked at the thought. Those two were funny to watch at times. I draped the blanket over my bent legs and rested Cheyenne's back them. I wanted her to be comfortable. I leaned back onto the arm of the sofa and took the time to watch my daughter.

She had grown much and like a little weed. It was a miracle for me to even be in her life, yet alone her to love me. I marveled at the blessings in my life. It had been a while since I thought about all the good I had been blessed with. When one's life is riddled with pain and unhappiness, it's easy to forget all one has in blessings.

"You're so amazing, my little daughter." She cooed back at me. The mumbles and raspberries she responded with were heart-warming. "You love daddy – right – little beauty?" I gave her baby blues a wobbly smile. She gurgled her answer as her little hands played patty-cake with my chest. I was glad to be wearing a sweater. Even though it wasn't needed for the time of year, I wanted her protected against my hardness. Cheyenne hardly ever cared, but her father did. Damn my love for her was astounding.

"Did you have fun with Papa Carlisle and Meme?" It was the name Esme wanted to be referred as. It did make sense.

When Cheyenne was older it wouldn't do well to have her calling Esme "grandma". People would have looked at us like we were insanely baked. Esme may have been able to pass for thirty-five, but forty was truly pushing it.

Cheyenne continued to giggle as she played with my sweater. It was beyond cute as her little fingers molded around the sweater, in an attempted to pick it up; her back was bent to get closer. Her nails needed to be cut. I could already hear the impatient screams. She didn't like that one bit. Usually Carlisle had to do that. It pained me to hear such wails.

"Mommy and I missed you, darling. You know, little beauty, it's never the same without you. The house is empty without your little spirit. I can feel the separation when you aren't near me, my love." I ran my hands over her little pigtails. The curls were adorable as they bounced with her movements. "It can be painful at times – when you aren't near – but I know how much everyone adores you. I have to share at times. Mommy has given me enough lectures about that." I rolled my eyes good-naturedly.

Speaking of her mother, I could hear Bella's footsteps approaching. She stopped right outside of my view, but I could feel her eyes on us. She loved to watch Cheye and I interact. I could indulge my angel.

"Are you quite finished trying to unravel my clothes, Cheyenne," I asked in a faux-stern voice. It didn't even faze the child; she just went about her business. "You are a hardheaded little creature." I laughed when she caught my eye. It was as if she knew what I said. A little slobber came from her mouth as she stuck her fist in it. "I see you aren't going to own up to your shortcomings," I informed the little thing taking residence on my chest. She blew another raspberry and I had my answer.

'_You love me regardless, daddy'_, and that I did.

…

"_The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.__" – Bill Russell_

Bella's POV

I took joy in watching father and daughter together. It was truly the highlight of my life. Cheyenne had brought so much contentment and splendor into my world. It was true that a child changed everything, but she was the greatest change I had ever made. One moment never passed through my thoughts of my not wanting her or regret in choosing to have her. My daughter had been worth every sacrifice on my part. Her smiling brilliance was our heaven on earth.

It never failed to amaze me how much father and daughter loved each other. It was like some shining beacon, pulling everyone from their darkened paths. They were the two things that made my personal world go round. No offense to the moon or anything, but I was pulled into their tides, never wanting to wade to far from them. A tear leaked from my eyes, the love in me was overflowing. I wondered what it felt like to Jasper. Was it an exact replica of my emotions or just a manufactured emotion he had felt before and related it to?

"I've always loved the way you spoke to Cheyenne, Jasper," I finally spoke, holding onto the contentment and the determination. I loved when my daughter blew raspberries. I wondered where she had learned such a thing.

_Carlisle_, I thought before letting the smile take over. It was always fun blaming him.

"You treat her like a little adult and not a baby. I think she responds well to that. We all infantilize her, but you refuse. I think it had more to do with you sounding like a 'high-pitched cat in heat'," I mock-glared at him for his former statement. It had been a terrible thing for him to say about the way the family and I spoke to Cheyenne. Jasper had the grace to give me a sheepish look. Rosie had just batted him upside the head. " . . . Then wanting to treat her like an adult," I finished, my smile turning warm.

The picture that vampire painted, with a baby that looked astonishingly more like him than me, was bliss. Jasper was damn sexy in everything he did, even holding a one-sided conversation with his daughter. The bond between them was strong and felt by everyone in the family.

"No comment, angel," he said between his chuckles.

"Scaredy-cat," I teased.

"And smart enough to know when not to answer, angel," he added.

I smiled and willed the tears not to come. I had always loved his nickname for me – _angel_. It had been daunting at first, knowing that he truly saw me as such, but as we became comfortable in our love, I saw him the exact way. I loved him beyond reason. I wanted to protect him beyond reason.

"That you may be, baby," I conceded. I went over to the father and daughter look-a-like and sat on the ground. I just wanted to be near them. My world had been bleak and dark for a while, but now Jasper and Cheye were giving me some artificial light. I wondered how long it would be before the light bulb dimmed and finally burned out.

Cheyenne finally noticed my presence and did something that surprised me. Her little arms reached out to me. I couldn't help the sting that came to my right eye. Cheyenne was a daddy's girl – through and through. She loved Jasper like no other and I could never fault her. Her mother was the same. When Jasper was near her, she always wanted to be in his arms, with few exceptions. But now she reached out to her mommy. I reached out my slightly trembling hands and brought her to me.

She gurgled something in her happiness before snuggling into my chest. I closed my eyes and reveled in my baby's closeness. Jasper's hand became entangled in my hair as he massaged my scalp. I leaned further back, wanting to be as close to both of them as possible. I couldn't help but sigh in love.

"I love you both, so very much," I whimpered, needing to voice my overflowing love aloud. I gently started to rock, lulling my yawning daughter to sleep. It was a natural reaction, I had come to learn. It was soothing to both baby and me.

Jasper's breath wafted over my neck as he spoke, "So very much, my love." How could tears not come to my eyes at the admission? His lips replaced his breath and followed the column down to my collarbone. He pulled my shirt down some and kissed the exposed flesh, avoiding our sleeping daughter. Goose flesh erupted on my skin. The intimacy between us was glorious. For once, my soul was at peace. Then, the dimness started to encroach.

_Before things became dark_, I added in my mind. The realization caused me to shiver, combined with my vampire's warm touch.

I exhaled deeply, appreciating Jasper's talented lips. I looked down and noticed Cheye had finally nodded off. I had been a terrible mother to her lately. It amazed me she could still find comfort in someone who hadn't even taken the time to love her.

"Mommy's sorry, darling," I apologized to her over and over, needing her to know the truth of my love for her. I never wanted to be without my baby, but more than that, I didn't want to be a bad mother. I had to make things right in my head and heart. It was time for the truth to flourish.

Jasper's arms engulfed me from behind, it was the final straw. My tears leaked and ran silently down my face. I wanted to wipe them, but saw no reason. My love could feel what I felt, and I didn't want to upset the sleeping child.

Her little heart fluttered in her chest and vibrated into me. This child had been a part of me, a part of my body. Her little spirit has grown in me, finding nourishment from me. That miracle astounded and humbled me immensely. Something that beautiful and innocent had come from literally within me. It proved that not all had been broken within, and there was something redeeming.

I held onto the notion for dear life, burying it deeply in my heart. It would come with me everywhere I went. More tears leaked and my eyes started to burn from the constant flow. Tears seemed like my perpetual companion.

My love's hands came around and wiped the salty water on both side of my face. My cheeks found solace in his touch and the strength to continue. I took in a deep breath, trying to steady my wildly beating heart. I pushed all the understanding, devotion, and zeal I felt to Jasper. His hands faltered on my face, but only for a breathless moment. His love, in return, encased me, filling me to the very brim. My heart was ready to burst and my spirit was all but ready to take flight to him.

My love for him was unlimited, but as I had come to learn, it wasn't enough. Jasper couldn't fix me. It wasn't fair and it was an impossibility. For one to become better it had to be for them. That and that alone would give the only lasting effects. Jasper had taught me that lesson from his own life. He had been torn down (over and over again), but his soul withstood the constant onslaught. It was a testament to the person he was. Carlisle and his family had cleaned his scrapes, fixing him as best as possible. However, it was Jasper himself that finally healed his wounds; his unshakable steadfastness and his belief that he could succeed. What a success story he represented.

I leaned into his incredible touch, wanting him to rub off on me. Without permission, my body started to sob. They were great and hurt. It felt like little glass shards were cutting my throat and lungs. Jasper nimbly plucked Cheyenne from my arms, not wanting her to wake. After securing her on the couch, he took my convulsing form into his arms. Jasper's giving knew no bounds and I pushed my gratefulness to him. I was a selfish creature, finding comfort in his arms, but I couldn't reject his waiting arms.

"Shh, my love, I'm always here for you." And that was always the truth. He had always been with me. I clung to him, willing the excruciating pain to dull.

"I k-know, b-b-baby," I stammered horribly. "I loved y-you the m-mom-ment my eyes f-fell o-on you." The tears continued to pour. "Did y-you know w-w-what I f-first thought, my love?" I asked between sobs. He just shook his head. I could tell he was trying to keep composed for me. "B-Beautifully imperfect. That's something I s-shall never f-f-forget." I gave a wobbly smile. It had been a welcomed revelation: my childlike love for him.

We had instantly loved under that sky. And even though our love had been completely different in that moment – our destiny had been written in that sky. It just waited for us to look up.

I wiped my flushed face, wanting to be pretty for Jasper. It was long past a time for me to be pretty. I could only imagine how red my eyes were. That was an irony in and of its self.

It was time for me to be strong again. Before Jasper had come home with Cheye, my mind was made up. I was resolute in my decision. It tore at my stomach and heart with its sharp claws, but I had to do something. I was only creating more of a mess, hurting everyone and everything in my wake.

It was like I had told Jasper during one of our fights, I was scared of the love and not used to it. I had spent my life taking care of my mother, myself, and occasionally my father. It was difficult for me to be on the receiving end of that. It was easier with Cheyenne. They loved her and I couldn't deny them in wanting to help with her, but I was different. I needed to work on that and accepting certain aspects of my life.

There was no other foreseeable option. Until I stopped wallowing in my self-pity depths and took the truth of my reality then I couldn't move on.

It was with that determination and want for my future to be whole that I found the strength to rise above my pain and immense ache.

Without having to say anything, Jasper understood my need. It was a part of our bond that remained a mystery, and a beautiful one at that.

I knew it was crushing him from the inside out, but he wouldn't relent. He could enable me forever. I spoke up, giving Jasper the fairness of my words and explanation. With a grim determination, I opened my mouth and swallowed the thick knot that threatened to choke me.

"It's already written in my thoughts, angel," he whimpered. His voice quavered painfully. Jasper gave me the out I didn't deserve. His arms tightened around me, and I snuggled deeply into him.

"This darkness has descended on me, Jasper. It has something to do with before we got together, even before Cheyenne was born. I thought I came to terms with it, but things were good for a while, and you came into my life. Goodness, what a whirlwind that was." We both laughed wetly. My tears were soaking us both, and our sobs became combined. "Not only did you s-save me from poverty, b-but y-you provided a house, food, and unconditional love for Cheyenne and her m-mommy."

Jasper burrowed his face in my neck, and I ran my hands through his curls, reveling in the comforting habit.

"Not to mention, Emmett. I _think_ that was a blessing." He smiled into my neck. "Oh, but, baby, that wasn't even the pièce de résistance." Jasper kissed my neck reverently, waiting for me to finish. "It was your soul reaching out to mine; giving me your very all. How many people can claim that, my love? Because make no mistake, Jasper! We aren't the fluffy little term one might think a soul-mate is. We are the real packaged deal. And what a glorious deal I w-w-was gi-given. I'm s-sorry to have c-come up so short!" I broke again, not being able to contain the disappointment I was to my other half.

_The unfairness with which he was given _. . .

Jasper pulled me back tightly against him before breathing harshly into my ear. "Never think such an injustice," he hissed. "You've fallen short of nothing! Fuck anyone who tries to tell you differently, even yourself, Bella! You're my hold damn world, and I would rather burn in hell than ever go a fucking minute without meeting you! Do you understand me?"

All I could do was nod frantically as he breathed heavily in my ear. And then he pushed his love to me. It wasn't the carefully measured dose he usually gave, but a huge onslaught. I doubled over from the exertion. When he went to pull back, I grunted for him not to. I wanted to feel nothing but the measure of his adulation to me. After a little bit more he reeled it in, and I slumped against his back. It had been magnificent. I hoped he had been overcome with my love like that also.

"I have, angel."

Not being able to stand it anymore, I turned around and flung myself into his arms. His were already opened and waiting. We embraced each other fully as our bodies shook together. I didn't know where the water came from, but it continued to pour from my eyes. My sniffles filled the non-existent space between us.

"Me too, Jasper. Damn, I love you," I exclaimed over and over. My words seemed to slur together until nothing else was said for a time.

Hours passed and soon the sun had faded. I had fallen asleep for a time on top of my love. My body was molded comfortably around him; his hands were rubbing my back and bum. I finally raised my head and cursed at the headache.

Our eyes met and held. A world of words was exchanged along with our emotions. We shared them freely. It was the most open I had been with him in a while. He just stroked my face tenderly in between breaks.

When twilight approached, I knew it was time. The day had gone and now the night was setting in. I had once heard twilight described as a lonely time, and I now understood. I placed my forehead onto his stone chest and sighed. My heart accelerated. I looked over at my still sleeping daughter and smiled softly. She encouraged a deep, abiding love in me.

"I n-need-d to go n-now, Jasper," I whispered, harrowingly. The moment had arrived and it was past time. Jasper brushed my face as if trying to memorize the shape. His hands tangled in my hair before pulling my lips to his. Our kiss wasn't fierce, but aching gentle. Our lips met in a loving, timeless embrace, reassuring the other we would touch again. Our tongues scraped over together, savoring the flavor of our love. It was mixed with the salt from my tears. Our breaths mixed before disappearing into our lungs. It was one more thing of Jasper's that became embedded into me.

"I fucking love you . . . forever, Isabella! You had better come back to m-me. Do you understand, l-love?" He licked my bottom lip, trying to stop his from trembling.

"Always." I pecked his lips once more before pulling away. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done, but I had to. It was for him and my daughter. I needed to be sure in my decisions.

My body shook as I made my way over to slumbering daughter. I bent over and placed one lingering kiss to her blonde wisps. I loved her more than myself.

"Take care of your daddy for me, darling." Jasper tried to muffle his sob and was finally able to take control of himself. "I love you both, more than you could ever realize, my darling. Mommy will be back, shortly!" I kissed her once more before backing away. It was now or spending my time drowning in the damning abyss.

I turned to Jasper once more. I didn't touch him. I didn't have the strength. We both sent our love. I placed my hand on my lips, pressed them into the palm, and raised it to him. I nodded my head and he returned the gesture. I lowered my hand slowly and turned.

I ran to my car, tears streaming the entire way. I slammed the door shut and rested my head on the steering wheel. My soul was torn in half, that part was staying here with my world. With several deep breaths, I was able to maintain my composure. My hand turned the key and the ignition caught. I pulled out and waited for a moment. My heart beat several painful times before the words fell, "I'll be back, my love. The world just doesn't exist without you. Love you both, so very much."

And with nothing left to say, but a world of hurt to feel and conquer, I pulled away from my family.

…

Jasper's POV

Silence, besides my daughter's little heartbeat, filled the emptiness. I was stunned into reality.

Like the vampire Bella knew me to be, I held it together. For once, I was someone's rock and it would be a steady one. I waited for her to leave before taking any action. I wanted to hold her to me, never allowing her from my sight, but in the end, I couldn't. My angel had needed to fly for a time. How could I deny someone who should have never even been mine? It was never my place.

As if on auto-pilot, I reached out and grabbed my cell-phone from my pocket. I pressed the number two button and waited for an answer.

"I n-n-need you, father," I whimpered pitifully.

And like the most amazing man I knew him to be, he answered the call without questions. "I'm on my way, son. You hold on, my boy." I nodded my head uselessly and waited for him to come.

I watched my daughter as I waited for Carlisle. I didn't dare touch her. I knew I would break down before my Calvary arrived to save my ass once again.

Within ten minutes Carlisle arrived. He took in my broken form and his face became stoic. He wasn't angry, mad, or even disappointed. My father was resigned. He had seen me like this before, and knew what I required. He picked up his little love and took her to the nursery. I was grateful. I didn't want my daughter to see me that weakness. She may have been a child, but I didn't want her to have such impressions of me.

A few moments Carlisle came back. And as if on cue, I instinctively knew it was my turn. Before I could hit the floor, my father's arms were around me. I allowed it all to flow, and he took it like the compassion being he was.

I wasn't sure how much time had initially passed and I hadn't cared. My father had whispered many things to me. Even though I didn't understand his words, I understood the feelings he pushed to me, giving me no option but to accept them.

As my emotions became more stable, my mind started to function properly again. It gave me little comfort, but Carlisle made up more than enough. There were things I was sure of: she would return. Bella had entrusted me with her greatest treasure.

And for that moment, when our souls were at peace, hers had spoken to mine. No matter the distance and time, she would fly back to me. We couldn't be separated for long. Our little world didn't work like that, and I was grateful for such knowledge. So while my body convulsed and my father held me, I would be fine. Eventually and ultimately I would be well.

* * *

Author's Notes: Hello, loves! GOODNESS, what can be written . . . that chapter was a dozy. I had many tears while writing and editing. It took me a while to finally get through it. I'm something of a softie (especially when it comes to this story), so my emotions were high.

I thought about splitting it up, but threw that terrible idea right off my balcony. I wanted the reader to feel this chapter and to do it all in one go. It was probably a lot to take in, but again, I hope some emotion was felt. It is the reason I keep writing. I'm a very emotional person by nature, so it may come off a little strongly in some chapters.

I wanted to thank all added me to their alerts and favorites. I also wanted to thank all who reviewed last chapter. They are always very valued. They are my inspiration while writing, my muse when my "writing tank" is empty.

Anyway, I hope all is well with everyone. Thanks again, darlings and much love!

_Posted: Wednesday, 17 August 2011_


	30. Chapter XXIX

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended. I hate doing this, but I have to give a tissue notice, especailly for those who may be a softie like me.

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

"_Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy... Anger... tears... laughter.. It's when you want to be together despite it all. That's when you truly love another. I'm sure of it.__"_

_- Unknown_

30 May – Tuesday Afternoon – Jasper's POV

My stomach continuously churned with worry. If human, I would have been bent over a toilet, cursing the sickness that spilled from my mouth. My throat all but burned with the imaginary stomach acid. Perhaps it was the venom that regurgitated in my throat, causing the constant stinging. My hands found their way to my neck and closed around the column; I wanted the burning to stop.

Even with the pain I was experiencing, the only thing that kept permeating my mind was Bella's absence. The worry clawed at my useless stomach. Eight hours Bella had been gone – without any notice to me about her whereabouts. She was free to come and go as pleased, but she should have had the courtesy to leave some sort of note. My concern for the girl knew no bounds. Was it so difficult to put my fucking mind at ease, even a little bit?

My shirt tearing again pulled me from the hurricane whirling in my mind. I hadn't even noticed my fingers twining in my shirt and tearing it up over my intense worry. My need to tear at my skin was stronger, but I somehow refrained. I wanted some liberation from the constant tumbling in my gut.

"Where the hell are you, Bella?" I asked myself, ineffectively. "Enough," I all but growled. I couldn't stand the inactivity. My body all but begged for me to hunt her down. My tracking skills were somewhat unpracticed, but something had to be done.

I grabbed my keys and raced to my car at vampire speed. My need to make sure Bella was safe was alarmingly high. I wasn't sure how long I would last without my walls of sanity breaking. The family hadn't been informed about Bella's disappearing act, but I was starting to get desperate. I didn't know how long I could go without informing someone else. Some things just couldn't be handled on my own.

…

Two more hours had passed and Bella still hadn't turned up. I didn't even pick up her scent. My anxiety and unease were at a breaking point. Many images and scenarios filled my overactive vampire mind. So many things could have happened to Bella without my knowing.

I pulled into my garage once more, with the intent of checking the house before going to the Cullen's. I couldn't continue on my own any longer. I needed the support of my family, but mostly Carlisle. He was my calm in the personal storm that brewed in my gut. The car door wrenched opened, and I all but stopped in my tracks. The sound of a pounding heart filtered through the background noise. I closed my eyes and took in the beautiful noise; it was the accompaniment to my every step: Bella's heartbeat.

As if in slow motion and not allowing myself to believe the truth, I made my way inside. Each step was taken carefully, precisely. For some reason, I was scared to see Bella. I didn't understand my reluctance, except for the sole reason of her not being okay. Bella hadn't been fine for a while, but she hadn't disappeared from my sight. Bella had been in a reclusive shell, only coming out at odd times. The sparkle that used to light up her eyes was gone, replaced by a dull ache I couldn't understand.

The door slowly creaked open as I pushed it out of the way. Steam engulfed me, drifting over my dead skin. Instead of it being a warm, blanketing comfort, it felt wrong. It was almost like the fog that had overcome me in Bella's absence. Years had passed since I'd felt its effects, but the feeling of the steam was still the same, only tangible. I shivered from the foreboding feeling. Venom already started to fill my eyes. Everything about this fucking situation felt groundless.

I quickly willed the venom from my eyes. It obscured my vision too much. Step by step I came closer to Bella. If I had a heartbeat, it would have been beyond frantic. When I reached the glass door to the shower, my hand closed around the handle and opened. The sight that greeted me was alarming, to say the least.

Bella sat in the middle of the shower, hot water slicing over her small body. Her head was bent and the long tresses were plastered onto her face and back. Sobs racked her body; she looked all but beaten. However, that wasn't the most heartbreaking sight; in Bella's tiny hand was a cleaning sponge. She was frenetically scrubbing at her skin, trying to get off some imaginary blemish that wasn't on her ruby-red flesh.

The sight tore hard at my heart, ripping it to shreds. Bella's cries twisted my stomach into an origami shape I would never recognize. Venom soaked my eyes at the picture before me at an alarming rate. I didn't have a change to prepare for the sting that accompanied the poison. My life was at my feet, and her hurt pierced into every inch of my skin, soaking into my already weary muscles.

"Bella," I said, brokenly. I needed her attention on me and off her already scratched skin. As if she didn't even hear me, she continued. Her hands rubbed at her legs, each sob that tore from her throat complemented each scratch she gave to her body. Her back all but convulsed with each moan.

"Bella!" I shouted this time, with no intentions of being ignored. My angel ignored my called and picked up the pace of her brutal behavior. Without another thought, I moved into the shower and grabbed her from behind. Bella's hand clenched tightly over the sponge; she had no intention of letting it from her grasp.

Water immediately soaked me, plastering my clothes tightly to my skin. My hair fell into my face, poking me in the eyes. My right arm encircled her from behind and constricted her to me; my left arm reached over her shoulder and pulled at the sponge. This action seemed to ignite a fire in her.

Bella instantly started to thrash, kicking and pushing me from her small frame. Fear and shock grabbed at me. I was astounded by her behavior.

"No, Jasper!" she screamed, twisting her body around. I instinctively held tighter, afraid she would hurt herself even more. The hot water continued to pour out the shower head, making our movements slick and even more dangerous. "Leave me alone," she pleaded, desperately. "Leave me be," she brokenly sobbed. Her throat sounded as if it was torn in several places.

"No, love," I hissed ardently in her ear. I needed her to understand. "Come back to me, angel!"

"JASPER!" she screamed for a final time. I placed my hand over her mouth and silenced most of the shriek. Over and over she mumbled.

She beseeched me to stop, to leave her be. She asked me over and over, why I '_couldn't understand'_. I wanted to shout back at her, "_You never told me what the fuck was the matter_", but knew it would be in vain. I didn't even know if she was aware of her frantic state. My mind and emotions whirled. Everything Bella felt slammed into me, making things more chaotic.

With only one possibility coming to my mind and with nothing else to lose, I turned Bella in my arms, leaned forward into her personal space, and urgently placed my lips over Bella's. The screams ceased, but the hitting continued. I feared at all the bruises Bella would have in the morning. My left hand left her hip and became entwined in her wet, curly locks. My lips pressed more firmly into hers and pushed her head into the cusp of my hand. My mouth moved over Bella's, trying to tell her something she wouldn't understand. The force of my lips on hers was fierce, but I couldn't relent.

She tried to move her face from mine, but I wouldn't allow it. She needed to come back. I was a fucking monster for treating her so forcefully, but I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't stomach her hurting the already fragile, injured skin.

Time passed with our lips sealed, and finally . . . finally Bella started to calm. Her fists no longer pounded on my chest but grasped onto my wet, ruined shirt. The kiss turned from bruising to passionate. My head was swimming in everything and hardly making sense with all the swift changing emotions. My lips gloried in being reunited with my loves. It has seemed like an eternity that any intimacy had passed between us.

I pulled back and allowed Bella the chance to breath. My lips refused to leave her wet, slippery skin. Her throat provided the escape I needed. I sucked greedily at her rapid, pounding pulse. The rhythm in her vein thumped on my tongue, pushing her taste even more into my mouth. My hands slid along her body, enjoying the sensation the water created. Bella's moaned filled the spaces between the thick steams that wafted around us.

"Touch me, Jasper, everywhere," she breathed hotly on my chest. My mind was clouded with lust and my cock throbbed painfully in my tight, wet pants.

"Bella," I begged, trying to maintain some semblance of order that I was quickly losing. "Wait, angel –" I pleaded, but was rightly ignored. She pushed her core into me, rubbing tantalizing on my hard bits.

"No, Jazz, NOW!" she demanded. And I caved, like I always did with Bella. I had no shield against my love, nor would I ever want one. Bella could hurt me a thousand times over, and I would always come back to her. It may have made me weak and desperate, but I didn't fucking care. The girl was my existence, there was no other choice. I cared less of what some other person fucking thought of me.

Bella's hands became tired of waiting and started to pull at my clothes. I buried my head in her neck and rubbed my forehead along the column of her neck. My breathing was still erratic, bus so was hers. I reveled in the feel of her hands on me, the scorch she set afire in my veins. I was burned alive. Bella finally pulled my pants down. I pushed into her instantly, sighing as my penis was finally free and near her unique heat.

My hands tore at my shirt. The weak fabric ripped under my strength, giving way like butter. I dropped the useless rag next to me before pulling Bella into me again. I pushed at her hair that clung to her neck before replacing it once again with my lips. My kitten's leg wrapped around me and her moans filled my ears deliciously.

"Damn it, Jasper, I need you too much."

Her nails scratched down my back before roughly grabbing my ass checks. Before I could take anymore, I switched our positions. Bella's back crashed against the wall as my body aligned with hers. My cock pushed its way in between her slick thighs. She opened her legs further. Our lips met again in a fierce heat as my hands traced the angles and mounds of her luscious body.

But after a while, even that wasn't enough. It had been over a month since we had been intimate, had sex of any kind. My member all but begged me to just shove into her pussy, to feel only the warmth she could surround me with. My body all but sobbed at the thought of being reunited with her so privately.

It seemed as if I wasn't the only one missing such personal contact. Bella slid down the wall and pulled me along with her. I quickly turned off the water that turned cold before pushing Bella back. Her body molded onto the shower floor as I lay on her. We both moaned in sync at the close contact.

"No more, Jasper," my kitten mewled into my mouth. Her hands pulled at my hair and her legs wrapped securely around my back. "Make me forget everything, love."

I pulled back and stared into her eyes. They were glazed over with passion. I became overwhelmed at the amount of emotions I saw there. The past fell away from me, and the only thing that matter in that moment was Bella beneath me and lack of space between us. I leaned down and worshipped her lips.

"I love you, Isabella," I breathed heavily into her mouth. "B-Baby, I love you."

"Me too, Jasper. I love you!" she cried, and with those gorgeous words falling from her swollen lips, I lined up at her opening and pushed in without hesitation. We both hissed at the sudden warmth that flooded our systems. I always felt like nirvana with Bella; when I was sunk into her, I all but burned alive. I gloried in the fire, never wanting to be removed from the furnace.

We both started to move, wanting to be close, needing the fucking friction. Wave after wave fell over us. Our shallow breaths fanned over the other's face, our hands held tightly together above our heads, our hips working together.

I pushed into Bella endlessly, craving to never be separated. I buried my face in her neck and sucked her skin into my mouth, matching the rhythm of my hips. My eyes filled with tears and my body shuddered with constant need. I was at a loss for words. The only thing I could register was our moving bodies and the love we passed freely into the other. I could feel Bella start to build up. Her heat became all but literal fire as her walls compressed me.

I wanted to speak, wanted to tell her of my utter devotion, but found the words missing. My own need was building. So I told Bella with my body what I couldn't say with my words. My hips became all but frantic as Bella reached her peak and cried out her elations. Her spine arched and pushed her breasts further into my chest. My angel's liquid slid down her passage and covered every inch I had buried in her. I hissed at the euphoric sensation. I had nothing left. My need to release arrived.

With one final forceful push, I reached Bella's innermost spot and spilled into her. The awareness was phenomenon and shook me to the very core. Bella's legs fell further apart as I rode out my orgasm. She rocked her hips and caused me to fall even further. When I was finally spent, I collapsed onto my side.

I was breathless as was Bella. I switched our positions and pulled her onto my stone chest. Her heart beat wildly onto my silent one. Her cheek lay over my unbeaten heart and we both sighed in fulfillment.

As the minutes gave way, so did the pace of my love's heart. Slowly but surely it returned to a normal level and her breaths evened out. I knew she wasn't far from sleep.

I ever-so-gently picked her up and moved out of the shower. I wrapped her in a towel before going into our room. After pulling the covers back, placing us both in the center of the bed, and tucking us in, I situated Bella around me. She curled willingly into my body. Her eyes fluttered shut and light snores weren't far behind.

"I love you," she whimpered. I fell at her words; my body trembled with fervor. My heart burst open with all the love I felt for her. I wondered if she would ever be able to feel the full extent of my devotion for her.

I wondered a lot of things.

The remainder of the night passed in relative silence as I watched Bella sleep. I cleaned up her scratches and bandaged them. They hadn't really occurred to me after our time in the shower.

My lips found her skin throughout the night. I occasionally peppered her face with gentle kisses, repeating my constant and abiding love to her. I had missed my angel and the light she used to fill our home with. Nothing was ever right in my world without her. When the sun rose and Bella began to wake, I turned her over, needing to see my love's exquisite's face. I was instantly stopped, my immense sadness returned.

Bella's eyes were vacant; she was lost to me once again. I wept in her neck, wishing the tears would just fall. Would my body ever cease its shuddering.

* * *

31 May – Wednesday – Jasper's POV

The remainder of the day was spent at the house. Bella had briefly come out of her strange trance. She didn't speak much and ate less. My heart continued to crack as I gaze at her cheerless face. When I looked into her eyes, it was as if there was no one there, all was eerily silent. It was both a scary and unnatural sight. There were times I had seen Bella sad and distressed, but it could never compare to this. I was at a loss.

When she had refused to touch her food, I picked it up and brought it to her lips. After speaking softly and pleadingly into her ear, she finally relented and took several bites. Her eyes filled with tears as she chewed. The water that lingered looked like tiny jewels, cracked and battered like our little family. I tried to coax her to eat more, but she refused. Her murky orbs swallowed the green flecks and the vacancy returned.

I returned to the kitchen with the intention of putting the dishes away, however, the glass plate slammed against the wall as I threw it. A loud shatter filled my ears, but didn't help to relieve any pain. My body fell to the ground like the broken pieces of plate and my muffled screams replaced the shattering noise. It was my turn to fall to pieces. My body curled into itself and I simply held on tightly. I had nothing else to give.

I didn't know who long I laid there, trying to push out all my emotions, but it was moot. Cheyenne was with Carlisle and Bella was in her own world. I refused to see anyone else. My weakness was mine alone, I had put my family through enough already.

Sniffling pulled me from the internal soliloquy in my head. Bella was somewhat coherent. She usually only cried when she was in control. I picked myself up from the floor and ran to our room. Bella lay on her right side. Her profile looked small and feeble. I stopped in the door way and made enough noise so she could hear me. I didn't want to needlessly add to her fright.

After a few moments she finally looked up. Our eyes met and we both just watched. Not sure what else to do. My wits end had been met and I was slowly following her into insanity. We were both confused, but there was a small silver-lining in our chaos: the love was still evident. Her love reached out and blanketed my skin. It was a soft caress, almost like a goose feather being dragged over one's flesh. It caused me to involuntarily shiver.

I opened my eyes again and could only imagine how impossibly black they were. So many things swirled around me and were seeping out through my eyes. Bella winced a little and I pulled back. My gift was shaky, but I didn't want to hurt my angel. There was enough of that shit going around. Our eyes caught each other's again; I took this as my opportunity to speak. Something had to break through her walls.

"This can't continue, Isabella. Something needs to change," I told her in the most honest and calm voice I could muster. My insides felt like they were being boiled. She gazed at me for a while longer before nodding. For a moment I thought she had retreated. I gave her a very weak smile. It was all I could give. She reluctantly returned it.

"Where's Cheyenne, Jasper?" I wanted to scoff at her question. It was the bitterness I had felt lately. I pushed it far away. I couldn't let anything taint me further, my struggles were already enough.

"Carlisle has her."

She nodded again, a faraway look coming into her eyes. I wondered almost painfully what she was thinking. Any insight into her mind would have been a god sent. I had radar on her emotions, but Bella was only feeling a few things, they have me no insight. I willed her silently to continue to show interest, anything from what became her now normal routine.

"Could you bring her home . . . please," she added as an afterthought.

She didn't elaborate as she stared at me. A sigh left my lips before I agreed. When I thought she would retreat once again into her mind, she surprised me. My angel stayed lucid.

"May we talk, Bella?" I had every intention of bringing Cheye home, but I wanted to clear some of our issues. Things needed to be hashed out.

She reluctantly nodded, but spoke right after. "Just bring Cheyenne home first." There was nothing left to do, Bella wanted her daughter, and I wanted both of them near me. I wanted my family back, whole.

"Okay, angel, just give me a half hour to go and get her. Is there anything else you require, Bella?"

I wanted to ask if she was fine, but knew better. I didn't want to start another fight. Egg shells were scattered all around Bella and I learned to tread lightly. She gave me a faint smile, which I returned immediately. My angel always captured me intently. She pushed her wellness at me, and even though it was rickety, I knew she would hold until I returned.

I quickly turned around; the sooner I left the faster I could come back.

"I love you, Jasper," her tiny voice stopped me completely as it permeated my steel skin. My lids closed as I internalized the words and the feelings. It was gloriously welcomed. I rushed back over to my love and closed my mouth over hers. She jumped at me being suddenly in front of her, but recovered. Her heart rate, however, still rocketed.

We both sighed at the contact and the beauty of the warmth which saturated from within. My lips worked over hers in devotion, cherishing the brief interlude we had. My tongue worshiped her while savoring our delicious flavor. When Bella had to breathe once more, I pulled away and trailed my forehead long her left cheek. My lips caressed her neck, pulling her scent through my nose.

"I love you also, Isabella," I finally returned. Her fingers became twined in my hair. I pulled away, slightly, not wanting to displace her hands from me. Her eyes were glassy, but not with emptiness. Her emotions told me of nothing but her immeasurable love and gratitude. They pulled me forward once again and I kissed her fluttering lashes. "I shall return shortly, angel." I let out a sharp breathe, fighting my desire to not leave her.

She ran her tiny fingers over my scalp. It was a sensation I always loved. "Go, Jasper. I'll be here when you return." I knew there was a double meaning to her words. I nodded before fighting the need to keep touching her. I untangled myself from her and ran to the garage.

I kept telling myself that Cheyenne would also want to see her mommy. It was truly the only thing that caused me to leave. There was still something in Bella's emotions I couldn't read, and the thought made me nervous. My fear was more than reasonable.

…

Cheyenne had all but flipped when she saw me. Emmett had been holding her, and when her eyes landed on me, her wiggling little body was reaching out to me. I could see the tears building in her baby blues. I wondered if she thought I wasn't coming for her. I hurt just thinking about her feeling that kind of doubt. She didn't understand and all Cheye knew was I wasn't there fast enough. We didn't travel at vampire speed around Cheyenne: Carlisle's rules. He wanted to ensure her constant safety. He was just a big worry-wart when it came to his _little love_. It warmed my heart.

Emmett pouted a little, but I gave him a small smile. Everyone was well aware of my daughter and her unhealthy need of me. As soon as she was in my arms, her little head went into my neck and her hands fisted in my shirt. I defied anyone to take her from me. Hell, Cheye defied anyone to take her from me.

"Hi, Cheye, beauty," I whispered onto her pudgy cheek. I nuzzled her soft skin and she burrowed deeper into me. Besides her mother, my daughter was my existence. I would give up everything for her, and that included my eternity. I ever-so-gently pushed out a tiny bit of love to her, wanting her secure. She immediately started to babble in her baby talk. She may have been a little over six months, but she was a talkative little things.

Rosie watched me with a kindness she usually reserved for Bella. It was my angel's patented "Rosie look". My sister pushed her curiosity to me, but I didn't speak. I just luxuriated in my daughter's innocence and warmth she gave to me. Her little blond curls tickled my skin. She looked beyond adorable in her barely there pigtails.

When I finally got some of my much needed fill of the little beauty, my attention turned to Rose.

"Where's Carlisle?" I was surprised he could part from Cheyenne. I could only sense Esme, Edward, and the dynamic sex duo. Edward's soft music filled the air. I knew he played for Cheyenne, more now than anyone else. Regardless how much he denied it, I could also feel his protectiveness of Cheyenne. He still kept his distance, but it was there.

"He only came home briefly from work. He seemed preoccupied on a patient. There has been an influx with the flu right now," she explained and I could feel her concern. It was mainly focused on my daughter. She didn't want her to get sick, and I could more than understand that. "He and Esme hunted before Carlisle immediately went back to the hospital." I was a little disappointed, but quickly guarded my thoughts. I could feel Edward's curiosity as he propped my mind.

"I need to go," I said, distractedly.

"Sorry, Jasper," Edward apologized, sorrowfully.

"No worries, brother. You cannot help your gift." Both Emmett and Rose looked to me in confusion. I waved them off before they could continue. My need to return to Bella was strong.

"About the same, Rose," I explained, remembering her earlier curiosity. Her head bent down and she let out a shaky breath. Weren't we all shaky these days? There was nothing else I could do.

With my daughter safely secured in my arms, I walked towards my car. We were ready to see Bella.

"Love you, son," Esme's sad voice called from upstairs. Her thoughts didn't come to me, but her feelings were more than clear.

"Love you too, Esme," I whispered, not being able to give her anything else. My little reserve was left for Bella and Cheyenne.

The front door closed silently behind me. I allowed my daughter's fast heartbeats to calm me, preparing me.

…

The first thing I took notice of before entering the house, with my daughter in tow, was Bella's heartbeat. It was somewhat even, with moments of it beating a little faster. With just that sound I knew a couple of things: she was not asleep and not down her own rabbit hole, chasing whatever her mind conjured. The thought was a little scathing, but it felt like the only way to explain her mental absence.

I just gloried in the thought of her being awake and clear. I opened the door and carried my little babbling beauty inside.

"I'll be out soon, Jasper," Bella spoke. She had long come to the idea there was no need to yell around me. She could have murmured something under her voice and I still would have been able to hear. I couldn't fight the smile when I thought of Emmett and his need to be boisterous. Cheye usually got a kick out of her uncle. They spoke a language only the two of them could understand. It was entertaining at times, and annoying at best. But that was my brother; one loved him as he came.

"Okay, angel," I answered, a little louder for her to hear.

Bella's voice had been surprisingly clear. It wasn't mumbled or cracked. I was becoming more hopeful and intrigued by the minute. I reached out, wanting to sample her feelings. There was still some sadness, but the majority of what I felt was determination. Perhaps she had found the will to fight her depression. It was the only way for things to get better. No matter how much I loved and protected her, my will could only do so much. Bella had to make the stand and the decision to change. That was a lesson I had learned over and over again and was more than familiar with; however, it didn't lessen my pain. Many times I had failed, relying on others to do something for me. Life didn't work that way, and ultimately I was responsible for myself. My skin still wore the scars to prove that most painful and long, drawn-out period.

My bum hit the couch as I sat carefully. I didn't want to jostle Cheye too much. She was a fragile little sparrow. My hand sought out the blanket Bella kept draped over the back of the couch. She claimed it was for our snuggling sessions, but I knew she waited for the opportunity to smother Emmett with it. I smirked at the thought. Those two were funny to watch at times. I draped the blanket over my bent legs and rested Cheyenne's back them. I wanted her to be comfortable. I leaned back onto the arm of the sofa and took the time to watch my daughter.

She had grown much and like a little weed. It was a miracle for me to even be in her life, yet alone her to love me. I marveled at the blessings in my life. It had been a while since I thought about all the good I had been blessed with. When one's life is riddled with pain and unhappiness, it's easy to forget all one has in blessings.

"You're so amazing, my little daughter." She cooed back at me. The mumbles and raspberries she responded with were heart-warming. "You love daddy – right – little beauty?" I gave her baby blues a wobbly smile. She gurgled her answer as her little hands played patty-cake with my chest. I was glad to be wearing a sweater. Even though it wasn't needed for the time of year, I wanted her protected against my hardness. Cheyenne hardly ever cared, but her father did. Damn my love for her was astounding.

"Did you have fun with Papa Carlisle and Meme?" It was the name Esme wanted to be referred as. It did make sense.

When Cheyenne was older it wouldn't do well to have her calling Esme "grandma". People would have looked at us like we were insanely baked. Esme may have been able to pass for thirty-five, but forty was truly pushing it.

Cheyenne continued to giggle as she played with my sweater. It was beyond cute as her little fingers molded around the sweater, in an attempted to pick it up; her back was bent to get closer. Her nails needed to be cut. I could already hear the impatient screams. She didn't like that one bit. Usually Carlisle had to do that. It pained me to hear such wails.

"Mommy and I missed you, darling. You know, little beauty, it's never the same without you. The house is empty without your little spirit. I can feel the separation when you aren't near me, my love." I ran my hands over her little pigtails. The curls were adorable as they bounced with her movements. "It can be painful at times – when you aren't near – but I know how much everyone adores you. I have to share at times. Mommy has given me enough lectures about that." I rolled my eyes good-naturedly.

Speaking of her mother, I could hear Bella's footsteps approaching. She stopped right outside of my view, but I could feel her eyes on us. She loved to watch Cheye and I interact. I could indulge my angel.

"Are you quite finished trying to unravel my clothes, Cheyenne," I asked in a faux-stern voice. It didn't even faze the child; she just went about her business. "You are a hardheaded little creature." I laughed when she caught my eye. It was as if she knew what I said. A little slobber came from her mouth as she stuck her fist in it. "I see you aren't going to own up to your shortcomings," I informed the little thing taking residence on my chest. She blew another raspberry and I had my answer.

'_You love me regardless, daddy'_, and that I did.

…

"_The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.__" – Bill Russell_

Bella's POV

I took joy in watching father and daughter together. It was truly the highlight of my life. Cheyenne had brought so much contentment and splendor into my world. It was true that a child changed everything, but she was the greatest change I had ever made. One moment never passed through my thoughts of my not wanting her or regret in choosing to have her. My daughter had been worth every sacrifice on my part. Her smiling brilliance was our heaven on earth.

It never failed to amaze me how much father and daughter loved each other. It was like some shining beacon, pulling everyone from their darkened paths. They were the two things that made my personal world go round. No offense to the moon or anything, but I was pulled into their tides, never wanting to wade to far from them. A tear leaked from my eyes, the love in me was overflowing. I wondered what it felt like to Jasper. Was it an exact replica of my emotions or just a manufactured emotion he had felt before and related it to?

"I've always loved the way you spoke to Cheyenne, Jasper," I finally spoke, holding onto the contentment and the determination. I loved when my daughter blew raspberries. I wondered where she had learned such a thing.

_Carlisle_, I thought before letting the smile take over. It was always fun blaming him.

"You treat her like a little adult and not a baby. I think she responds well to that. We all infantilize her, but you refuse. I think it had more to do with you sounding like a 'high-pitched cat in heat'," I mock-glared at him for his former statement. It had been a terrible thing for him to say about the way the family and I spoke to Cheyenne. Jasper had the grace to give me a sheepish look. Rosie had just batted him upside the head. " . . . Then wanting to treat her like an adult," I finished, my smile turning warm.

The picture that vampire painted, with a baby that looked astonishingly more like him than me, was bliss. Jasper was damn sexy in everything he did, even holding a one-sided conversation with his daughter. The bond between them was strong and felt by everyone in the family.

"No comment, angel," he said between his chuckles.

"Scaredy-cat," I teased.

"And smart enough to know when not to answer, angel," he added.

I smiled and willed the tears not to come. I had always loved his nickname for me – _angel_. It had been daunting at first, knowing that he truly saw me as such, but as we became comfortable in our love, I saw him the exact way. I loved him beyond reason. I wanted to protect him beyond reason.

"That you may be, baby," I conceded. I went over to the father and daughter look-a-like and sat on the ground. I just wanted to be near them. My world had been bleak and dark for a while, but now Jasper and Cheye were giving me some artificial light. I wondered how long it would be before the light bulb dimmed and finally burned out.

Cheyenne finally noticed my presence and did something that surprised me. Her little arms reached out to me. I couldn't help the sting that came to my right eye. Cheyenne was a daddy's girl – through and through. She loved Jasper like no other and I could never fault her. Her mother was the same. When Jasper was near her, she always wanted to be in his arms, with few exceptions. But now she reached out to her mommy. I reached out my slightly trembling hands and brought her to me.

She gurgled something in her happiness before snuggling into my chest. I closed my eyes and reveled in my baby's closeness. Jasper's hand became entangled in my hair as he massaged my scalp. I leaned further back, wanting to be as close to both of them as possible. I couldn't help but sigh in love.

"I love you both, so very much," I whimpered, needing to voice my overflowing love aloud. I gently started to rock, lulling my yawning daughter to sleep. It was a natural reaction, I had come to learn. It was soothing to both baby and me.

Jasper's breath wafted over my neck as he spoke, "So very much, my love." How could tears not come to my eyes at the admission? His lips replaced his breath and followed the column down to my collarbone. He pulled my shirt down some and kissed the exposed flesh, avoiding our sleeping daughter. Goose flesh erupted on my skin. The intimacy between us was glorious. For once, my soul was at peace. Then, the dimness started to encroach.

_Before things became dark_, I added in my mind. The realization caused me to shiver, combined with my vampire's warm touch.

I exhaled deeply, appreciating Jasper's talented lips. I looked down and noticed Cheye had finally nodded off. I had been a terrible mother to her lately. It amazed me she could still find comfort in someone who hadn't even taken the time to love her.

"Mommy's sorry, darling," I apologized to her over and over, needing her to know the truth of my love for her. I never wanted to be without my baby, but more than that, I didn't want to be a bad mother. I had to make things right in my head and heart. It was time for the truth to flourish.

Jasper's arms engulfed me from behind, it was the final straw. My tears leaked and ran silently down my face. I wanted to wipe them, but saw no reason. My love could feel what I felt, and I didn't want to upset the sleeping child.

Her little heart fluttered in her chest and vibrated into me. This child had been a part of me, a part of my body. Her little spirit has grown in me, finding nourishment from me. That miracle astounded and humbled me immensely. Something that beautiful and innocent had come from literally within me. It proved that not all had been broken within, and there was something redeeming.

I held onto the notion for dear life, burying it deeply in my heart. It would come with me everywhere I went. More tears leaked and my eyes started to burn from the constant flow. Tears seemed like my perpetual companion.

My love's hands came around and wiped the salty water on both side of my face. My cheeks found solace in his touch and the strength to continue. I took in a deep breath, trying to steady my wildly beating heart. I pushed all the understanding, devotion, and zeal I felt to Jasper. His hands faltered on my face, but only for a breathless moment. His love, in return, encased me, filling me to the very brim. My heart was ready to burst and my spirit was all but ready to take flight to him.

My love for him was unlimited, but as I had come to learn, it wasn't enough. Jasper couldn't fix me. It wasn't fair and it was an impossibility. For one to become better it had to be for them. That and that alone would give the only lasting effects. Jasper had taught me that lesson from his own life. He had been torn down (over and over again), but his soul withstood the constant onslaught. It was a testament to the person he was. Carlisle and his family had cleaned his scrapes, fixing him as best as possible. However, it was Jasper himself that finally healed his wounds; his unshakable steadfastness and his belief that he could succeed. What a success story he represented.

I leaned into his incredible touch, wanting him to rub off on me. Without permission, my body started to sob. They were great and hurt. It felt like little glass shards were cutting my throat and lungs. Jasper nimbly plucked Cheyenne from my arms, not wanting her to wake. After securing her on the couch, he took my convulsing form into his arms. Jasper's giving knew no bounds and I pushed my gratefulness to him. I was a selfish creature, finding comfort in his arms, but I couldn't reject his waiting arms.

"Shh, my love, I'm always here for you." And that was always the truth. He had always been with me. I clung to him, willing the excruciating pain to dull.

"I k-know, b-b-baby," I stammered horribly. "I loved y-you the m-mom-ment my eyes f-fell o-on you." The tears continued to pour. "Did y-you know w-w-what I f-first thought, my love?" I asked between sobs. He just shook his head. I could tell he was trying to keep composed for me. "B-Beautifully imperfect. That's something I s-shall never f-f-forget." I gave a wobbly smile. It had been a welcomed revelation: my childlike love for him.

We had instantly loved under that sky. And even though our love had been completely different in that moment – our destiny had been written in that sky. It just waited for us to look up.

I wiped my flushed face, wanting to be pretty for Jasper. It was long past a time for me to be pretty. I could only imagine how red my eyes were. That was an irony in and of its self.

It was time for me to be strong again. Before Jasper had come home with Cheye, my mind was made up. I was resolute in my decision. It tore at my stomach and heart with its sharp claws, but I had to do something. I was only creating more of a mess, hurting everyone and everything in my wake.

It was like I had told Jasper during one of our fights, I was scared of the love and not used to it. I had spent my life taking care of my mother, myself, and occasionally my father. It was difficult for me to be on the receiving end of that. It was easier with Cheyenne. They loved her and I couldn't deny them in wanting to help with her, but I was different. I needed to work on that and accepting certain aspects of my life.

There was no other foreseeable option. Until I stopped wallowing in my self-pity depths and took the truth of my reality then I couldn't move on.

It was with that determination and want for my future to be whole that I found the strength to rise above my pain and immense ache.

Without having to say anything, Jasper understood my need. It was a part of our bond that remained a mystery, and a beautiful one at that.

I knew it was crushing him from the inside out, but he wouldn't relent. He could enable me forever. I spoke up, giving Jasper the fairness of my words and explanation. With a grim determination, I opened my mouth and swallowed the thick knot that threatened to choke me.

"It's already written in my thoughts, angel," he whimpered. His voice quavered painfully. Jasper gave me the out I didn't deserve. His arms tightened around me, and I snuggled deeply into him.

"This darkness has descended on me, Jasper. It has something to do with before we got together, even before Cheyenne was born. I thought I came to terms with it, but things were good for a while, and you came into my life. Goodness, what a whirlwind that was." We both laughed wetly. My tears were soaking us both, and our sobs became combined. "Not only did you s-save me from poverty, b-but y-you provided a house, food, and unconditional love for Cheyenne and her m-mommy."

Jasper burrowed his face in my neck, and I ran my hands through his curls, reveling in the comforting habit.

"Not to mention, Emmett. I _think_ that was a blessing." He smiled into my neck. "Oh, but, baby, that wasn't even the pièce de résistance." Jasper kissed my neck reverently, waiting for me to finish. "It was your soul reaching out to mine; giving me your very all. How many people can claim that, my love? Because make no mistake, Jasper! We aren't the fluffy little term one might think a soul-mate is. We are the real packaged deal. And what a glorious deal I w-w-was gi-given. I'm s-sorry to have c-come up so short!" I broke again, not being able to contain the disappointment I was to my other half.

_The unfairness with which he was given _. . .

Jasper pulled me back tightly against him before breathing harshly into my ear. "Never think such an injustice," he hissed. "You've fallen short of nothing! Fuck anyone who tries to tell you differently, even yourself, Bella! You're my hold damn world, and I would rather burn in hell than ever go a fucking minute without meeting you! Do you understand me?"

All I could do was nod frantically as he breathed heavily in my ear. And then he pushed his love to me. It wasn't the carefully measured dose he usually gave, but a huge onslaught. I doubled over from the exertion. When he went to pull back, I grunted for him not to. I wanted to feel nothing but the measure of his adulation to me. After a little bit more he reeled it in, and I slumped against his back. It had been magnificent. I hoped he had been overcome with my love like that also.

"I have, angel."

Not being able to stand it anymore, I turned around and flung myself into his arms. His were already opened and waiting. We embraced each other fully as our bodies shook together. I didn't know where the water came from, but it continued to pour from my eyes. My sniffles filled the non-existent space between us.

"Me too, Jasper. Damn, I love you," I exclaimed over and over. My words seemed to slur together until nothing else was said for a time.

Hours passed and soon the sun had faded. I had fallen asleep for a time on top of my love. My body was molded comfortably around him; his hands were rubbing my back and bum. I finally raised my head and cursed at the headache.

Our eyes met and held. A world of words was exchanged along with our emotions. We shared them freely. It was the most open I had been with him in a while. He just stroked my face tenderly in between breaks.

When twilight approached, I knew it was time. The day had gone and now the night was setting in. I had once heard twilight described as a lonely time, and I now understood. I placed my forehead onto his stone chest and sighed. My heart accelerated. I looked over at my still sleeping daughter and smiled softly. She encouraged a deep, abiding love in me.

"I n-need-d to go n-now, Jasper," I whispered, harrowingly. The moment had arrived and it was past time. Jasper brushed my face as if trying to memorize the shape. His hands tangled in my hair before pulling my lips to his. Our kiss wasn't fierce, but aching gentle. Our lips met in a loving, timeless embrace, reassuring the other we would touch again. Our tongues scraped over together, savoring the flavor of our love. It was mixed with the salt from my tears. Our breaths mixed before disappearing into our lungs. It was one more thing of Jasper's that became embedded into me.

"I fucking love you . . . forever, Isabella! You had better come back to m-me. Do you understand, l-love?" He licked my bottom lip, trying to stop his from trembling.

"Always." I pecked his lips once more before pulling away. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done, but I had to. It was for him and my daughter. I needed to be sure in my decisions.

My body shook as I made my way over to slumbering daughter. I bent over and placed one lingering kiss to her blonde wisps. I loved her more than myself.

"Take care of your daddy for me, darling." Jasper tried to muffle his sob and was finally able to take control of himself. "I love you both, more than you could ever realize, my darling. Mommy will be back, shortly!" I kissed her once more before backing away. It was now or spending my time drowning in the damning abyss.

I turned to Jasper once more. I didn't touch him. I didn't have the strength. We both sent our love. I placed my hand on my lips, pressed them into the palm, and raised it to him. I nodded my head and he returned the gesture. I lowered my hand slowly and turned.

I ran to my car, tears streaming the entire way. I slammed the door shut and rested my head on the steering wheel. My soul was torn in half, that part was staying here with my world. With several deep breaths, I was able to maintain my composure. My hand turned the key and the ignition caught. I pulled out and waited for a moment. My heart beat several painful times before the words fell, "I'll be back, my love. The world just doesn't exist without you. Love you both, so very much."

And with nothing left to say, but a world of hurt to feel and conquer, I pulled away from my family.

…

Jasper's POV

Silence, besides my daughter's little heartbeat, filled the emptiness. I was stunned into reality.

Like the vampire Bella knew me to be, I held it together. For once, I was someone's rock and it would be a steady one. I waited for her to leave before taking any action. I wanted to hold her to me, never allowing her from my sight, but in the end, I couldn't. My angel had needed to fly for a time. How could I deny someone who should have never even been mine? It was never my place.

As if on auto-pilot, I reached out and grabbed my cell-phone from my pocket. I pressed the number two button and waited for an answer.

"I n-n-need you, father," I whimpered pitifully.

And like the most amazing man I knew him to be, he answered the call without questions. "I'm on my way, son. You hold on, my boy." I nodded my head uselessly and waited for him to come.

I watched my daughter as I waited for Carlisle. I didn't dare touch her. I knew I would break down before my Calvary arrived to save my ass once again.

Within ten minutes Carlisle arrived. He took in my broken form and his face became stoic. He wasn't angry, mad, or even disappointed. My father was resigned. He had seen me like this before, and knew what I required. He picked up his little love and took her to the nursery. I was grateful. I didn't want my daughter to see me that weakness. She may have been a child, but I didn't want her to have such impressions of me.

A few moments Carlisle came back. And as if on cue, I instinctively knew it was my turn. Before I could hit the floor, my father's arms were around me. I allowed it all to flow, and he took it like the compassion being he was.

I wasn't sure how much time had initially passed and I hadn't cared. My father had whispered many things to me. Even though I didn't understand his words, I understood the feelings he pushed to me, giving me no option but to accept them.

As my emotions became more stable, my mind started to function properly again. It gave me little comfort, but Carlisle made up more than enough. There were things I was sure of: she would return. Bella had entrusted me with her greatest treasure.

And for that moment, when our souls were at peace, hers had spoken to mine. No matter the distance and time, she would fly back to me. We couldn't be separated for long. Our little world didn't work like that, and I was grateful for such knowledge. So while my body convulsed and my father held me, I would be fine. Eventually and ultimately I would be well.

* * *

Author's Notes: Hello, loves! GOODNESS, what can be written . . . that chapter was a dozy. I had many tears while writing and editing. It took me a while to finally get through it. I'm something of a softie (especially when it comes to this story), so my emotions were high.

I thought about splitting it up, but threw that terrible idea right off my balcony. I wanted the reader to feel this chapter and to do it all in one go. It was probably a lot to take in, but again, I hope some emotion was felt. It is the reason I keep writing. I'm a very emotional person by nature, so it may come off a little strongly in some chapters.

I wanted to thank all added me to their alerts and favorites. I also wanted to thank all who reviewed last chapter. They are always very valued. They are my inspiration while writing, my muse when my "writing tank" is empty.

Anyway, I hope all is well with everyone. Thanks again, darlings and much love!

_Posted: Wednesday, 17 August 2011_


	31. Chapter XXX

Disclaimer: SM and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Chapter Thirty**

"_Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see Life with a clearer view again.__"_

_- Alex Tan _

"_Only a life lived for others is a life worth-while.__"_

_- Albert Einstein _

Letters from Bella to Jasper in her absence – June

_Jasper, Darling_ –

"Hello, my love, and welcome to my own sob story. I can be self-deprecating at times, hmm? Perhaps you were right about that, Jasper. But this letter has another purpose. Read and you shall find out, my beautiful vampire.

It was never my intention to hurt you, Jasper, but in my selfishness and greed, I took what was available. You see me as an angel, something to be loved and cloaked in innocence. For a time, that notion scared me terribly. You saw something that didn't exist – a mirage if you will. I knew myself to be so far from your skewed vision of me. I was flawed, broken, and generally imperfect. How could you love me, something made of glass, just waiting to be shattered irrevocably? But I learned something while staring into my reflection. Lean closer, my love, and read one of my own lessons.

Ah, but here comes the good part, love. Are you ready . . . I'm a hypocrite. There you have me – in all my tainted glory. The light came to me, Jasper, and it all but blinded me. I judged you and your love of me. How could I do such a thing? I loved you first and foremost because of your imperfections. Did I ever tell you that? Perhaps not, it's something I keep close to my chest. I keep everything I cherish about you close to me. However, I digressed.

I loved your imperfection blissfully, so how could you not love my own. You see the lesson, the dichotomy I thought right. How very foolish of me. In you, Jasper, I finally found a kindred spirit. I had always wondered how I could never be enough for those I loved. My mother was, well, what she was (I shake my head in misunderstanding of her even as I write this letter to you).

She searched the world over for something to fulfill her, something that would bring an end to the emptiness she felt. But do you know what I thought as I joined her involuntarily in that search, Jasper? Of course you know, my love. Why couldn't I be enough for her? Why couldn't I be the respite her soul sought? Why couldn't her daughter be the quietness to the constant madness in her thoughts?

These reflections from my youth caused a huge insecurity within. I never knew if Renee realized her mistake or even noticed, but what could I do. I took care of her to the best of my knowledge. I was limited, not only in my age, but in my perception of her. We were tuned on different wave-lengths (for that I'm grateful, Jasper, and don't you ever mention that to anyone – it's a deep secret of mine that caused me a lot of hurt).

She prescribed to free-spirited fm – the one and only channel for your flights of fancy. I prescribed to middle-age syndrome am – the channel for learning how to remove one cane's from one's bum. I guess that's something Edward and I have in common (That's another thing you aren't allowed to share, Jasper. I can only imagine Emmett's ribbing I would have to endure).

And then, like the sun giving life to us all (even you, my vampire. It gives life to the animals you consume for nourishment), Renee had found that something which gave her life. He made her life complete and mine a nightmare. I won't go into that part because it's over. It will always be a part of me, but one I choose to leave in the shadows. I won't allow it to taint my life. That bastard already took enough from me. Well – that monster finally met his fate. He was taken back to where he belonged.

Don't even think it, Jasper. You AREN'T a monster. He never regretted what he did to me. I wonder if he had any other victims he didn't regret. You on the other hand, my love, felt sorrow and remorse for your "perceived" sins. I know you have ugliness in your past and I won't pretend they don't exist. It would be foolish on my part, but you feel remorse. It is what separates you from everyone else. You feel the pain of your victims and would take it back if possible. It's only one of the many reasons I fell so hopelessly for you.

Now my father . . . yes, he was amazing. I was lucky to have such an unsung hero. But I also thought I fell short with him. We didn't have much in common. When little, I knew he wished for a boy. I did try to make up for his want, but in the end, I learned something valuable. I can only be me, Jasper. And I have come to accept that my dad didn't want anything else besides me. It was my own notions and insecurities that led me to believe that. He wasn't comfortable expressing his love, but it was there. It shined brightly for me to see. When he eventually left me, for another world, I once again became self-conscious. I wondered what I had done wrong, why did he want to leave me? Was I ever good enough for anyone?

The answer to that was yes. I was good enough for something. You saved me for some reason, and when you first touched me . . . I remembered the heat. It flared in me. It was in that moment I was assured all would be fine. We would be united until always. Our bond was an eternal round. I defy anyone to say differently or to call me sappy. I'll smile at them, knowing the truth is seared deeply in me.

These are some things I have lived with. I could go on about Mike, but I won't. (I smile a big Cheshire smile thinking about the look on your face, my love. Don't fret, darling. I love you more . . . "smile"). We all have our stories. My life may be easy and a cakewalk compared to others, but we all have our individual difficulties that are tailored for us. I do believe that, Jasper.

I shan't bore you any longer. Know of my love for you. The tears you see on this page are exclusively yours and Cheyenne's. I miss both of you terribly. However, knowing you are taking care of our daughter, my greatest accomplishment, soothes the guilt within me. It doesn't always leave me, but how could I have taken Cheyenne from you? You are her entire existence and I share that with you willingly, Jasper!

Keep my place warm next to you. We shall be reunited soon. Until then, kiss my darling for me. Kiss your own lips for me. I miss them tenderly, almost as much as our shared warmth.

"_Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over.__"_

I read that somewhere but can't remember. Even though it is anonymous, it describes my affections perfectly, Jasper. Falling in love . . . no control over. Always feel my love . . . it breaths upon your skin."

- Bella

* * *

...

My gracious love -

"What I write next may shock you, but have faith. It needed to be done and dealt with. I saw my mother today. Don't growl, love. We were both cordial. It's kind of sad when one thinks about it. We share quite a history that was boiled down to affable.

To say Renee was surprised would have been an understatement. After the tears cleared from her eyes, she reached out to me. My muscles became stiff under her touch. I allowed her a few seconds hug before pulling away. I love my mother, Jasper. Please, don't think me cold. You probably don't think that, but I wanted to put it out there. She looked sad after I pulled back, but that couldn't be helped; distance was much needed.

I gave to her unselfishly as a child – today was my turn. I needed the separation from her. It brought up to many things, painful memories left forgotten. So she finally pulled herself together and invited me in. Renee is still beautiful. I think she always will be. Even when she is old and wrinkly, she'll be one of those ones that time is kind to. Do you think me evil if I wish for a few wrinkles for her? Perhaps you don't. You can stop smiling evilly, baby.

Anyway, awkwardness descended on us. She asked after me. I told her a basic overview of my life. I didn't tell her about Cheyenne. I refuse to allow her any influence over my baby. She already did enough damage on the family tree. I know, Jasper . . . lame joke, but it is late. I beg forgiveness. I'm trying to bring some levity to the situation.

I did, however, tell her about you. Not your name or anything specific, but about your amazing attributes. I could tell she was happy for me, but for a moment, I thought I could detect some jealousy. I will probably never know for certain, but it's her problem, not one to make my own. I think she may feel slighted somehow.

She searched for a long time for that kind of love, that kind of connection we share. I didn't say much about you, but evidently she was able to see your brilliance on my countenance. I think everyone can witness that, my love. You shine brighter than so many others. I digress, she searched her life for that and by providence (something she believed in and not me) we were brought together. That, my love, is what one calls a cruel irony. I feel sorry for her. Perhaps one day she will find that something to satisfy her wandering spirit.

Do you want to know the truly sad thing about that situation, Jasper? Hmm . . . I can almost feel your curiosity. Lean in closer and feel my lips as I tell you . . . she had that person in my dad. And she gave it all up, and for what, some damn notion of finding one's self and being scared of a small town; not to mention married at a young age. He was wasted on her. I wish my father could have found someone worthy of him. But, it wasn't meant to be. We all have our crosses to bear.

He worshipped the ground she floated on. The torch he carried for her could have lit up all of California (that is a true renewable resource). My father wasn't the cruel irony – her so called "fate" notions were. She threw him away. That was plain stupidity. I can't sugar coat it and I wouldn't even try. It would be a disservice to my dad. My father was able to be reasonably happy in life while Renee was fleeting at best.

Anyway, after a while and more small talk, mostly on her part, I got down to business. I told her what my childhood heart screamed to say. I told her how much her "flightiness" hurt me. I told her of the deep fissures they created. I asked why she couldn't just love me. Why could her daughter be enough? I didn't allow her to answer. I'm past the point in my life where I need justifications from her. I then told her she was forgiven. I don't need to carry her burdens on me any longer. We all have our shortcomings and Renee (along with myself) is riddled with them. I told her I accepted her for what she was. I thanked her for the lessons I learned and for giving me the chance of life.

When I was finished, I felt almost purged of that hardship. There will always be uncertainty, that's just a given, but when those times descend, I will look back and smile. Those ghosts have been all but silenced and they don't frighten me any longer.

I stared at Renee long and hard, trying to find some similarities. I wanted to find the positive in my mother . . . the one who gave birth to me. I found several things. We both loved my father at a time. She did love him, but in the end just blew it. That shows me she has the capacity to find quality men. Also, if not for her living in Arizona, I wouldn't have found you. Perhaps there would have been another meeting in time, love (or I would have been a goner. Don't cringe at the thought. I am human, Jasper. I'm breakable, love), but I cannot think that.

We met and our history is long. It may not have all been created while together, but we have always been each others'. And lastly, she taught me what not to do. How is that positive you may ask? Hmm . . . I wonder that myself. Just kidding, she taught me how not to treat our daughter. Some people may have loved Renee and her parenting techniques, but I didn't. My life didn't flourish under her guidance. We were too different. To each their own, I guess.

I think of Cheyenne as I write this and the lessons I wanted to teach her. There are many things I want for her but the most important is love. Jasper, make sure she loves. Don't let her be jaded in such notions. You had BETTER allow her to date. Don't make me withhold sex from you. Rosie has taught me a few things (don't even think about saying anything to her, mister!). Now, Cheyenne needs to know love and not just that of family. She should know what it feels like to hold someone's heart in the palm of her hand as her chosen one holds hers. She will break at times, Jasper, but it is needed. We can't protect her from everything. That isn't feasible. Let her fall in love. It is a hard fall at times, but always worth it.

It is worth it with you, Jasper. Everything was always worth it with you, my love.

So now, as I wind this letter down, remember . . . I am okay with Renee. There will always be sadness, probably for unfulfilled opportunities. I loved my mother and looked up to her as a child. But like the beautiful illusions of our youth, it wore off. But like I wrote earlier, she gave life to me and I love her for that.

We hugged goodbye, and I allowed myself to let her in for a bit. I sent my love to her, like I do to you. I know she couldn't feel it, but I still wanted that for her. Tears spilled from my eyes, but they were of a cleansing nature. She touched my cheek. She told me sorry, Jasper, and that she always loved me. I accepted that for the truth, because, no matter how much of a bad or lack of a mother she was, I know she loved me. It was just on her terms and in her own way. I remind myself we all have our shortcomings.

I promised to write her at times. I'm not sure if I'll ever see her again, and that hurts, but I have my own family. I have the constant and supportive love that's needed in _my_ life. We all love and accept love differently. I cherish how you give yours to me and Cheyenne. We are so very blessed, my darling. Our family is beautiful. It's something I've seen while gone. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, but I didn't need absence for that. It was to make things right in my head, to come to some conclusions and decisions. Renee was just an added bonus.

Never doubt my love, Jasper. It shines brightly within me. I love both you and Cheyenne, dearly. Please give me love to everyone and tell them I will be returning soon. I don't how much longer I can bear being separated from you, darling. All my soul . . ."

- Bella

* * *

…

"Jasper . . . stop. I'm coming home . . . stop. My heart has beaten enough in your absence . . . stop. My love for you . . . never stop.

I know, my love, another lame attempt at a joke. I thought it would be different to send a telegram, even if it is just in my letter. Don't smirk at me; I do try to be creative. All silliness aside, I'm coming home. It has been a long three weeks. Many things have happened and much has been hashed out internally, but now I require my love and my daughter. My soul was empty without you both. It wept eternally for you, begging me to stop being stupidly selfish and return. And thus, I finally decided to listen. For once it is silent in complaining, but rejoicing in being in your arms.

Look out for me, Jasper. Listen for my trumpet's call; it shall be the beat of my heart, calling out to you; the sound of my feet running to you, and the sound of my cries as we are reunited again.

My lips are touching yours, can you feel the indentation, love? My hand is placed over your chest, my fingertips are playing the tempo of my heart beat; can you feel the vibrations in your silent heart, my love.

Until reunited in the flesh, hold onto my soul."

- Bella

* * *

Author's Notes: Hope the chapter was alright. I thought about writing out the scene with Bella and her mother, but decided it was unnecessary. All that was needed was for Bella to know that she finally confronted and forgave Renee. Perhaps I shall write it in an outtake, when the story is finished.

Thank you for the reviews of last chapter. I hope all is well with everyone! Until next time . . . much love!

_Posted: 24 August 2011_


	32. Chapter XXXI

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended. There will be a cliff-hanger at the end of this chapter! Just a head's up, readers.

**Chapter Thirty-One**

"_When the great universe was wrought__  
__To might and __majesty__ from naught,__  
__The all creative force was -__  
__THOUGHT.__"_

_- Ella Wheeler Wilcox _

Three weeks of Bella's absence – Jasper's POV

Bella's letters came as a much needed calming draught to me. The emotional brass scale I was already balanced on was leaning precariously to one side. It had been her written words which had stopped me from careening. She probably didn't understand the worth of her letters to me. I was secure in the knowledge that she would return, but that didn't lessen the ache I felt while not in her presence. The old wounds of the possibility of not having Bella with me forever were ripped wide open. The venom refused to stop leaking and the burn of the poison ate away at my already corroded body. If not for Cheyenne and Carlisle, I shuddered to think what I may have become.

Wild thoughts passed through my mind, and the scariest had been about changing Bella. It wasn't the possibility of changing her that scared me, but the possibility that I would have done it without her permission. Thus was my insanity without her by my side. How could one live in an ordinary world after observing the "Promised Land"? And Bella was my Promised Land.

Those were the thoughts had scared me the most. Then came other things which had no relation to changing her. Unusual feeling began to rise up in me at Bella's absence. There were times I felt extremes where she was concerned, but one thing which was new to me, in regards to her, was the anger. It started the first night Cheyenne cried all night. My daughter hadn't done that for a while, but then again, she was secure in her surroundings. Somehow, she was able to sense the changes. It broke my heart to hear the little gut-wrenching sobs coming from her body. I knew my anxiety didn't help, but I was in no shape to take of her.

Carlisle stayed with me that initial night and beyond. He did his best to comfort the little love, but she wanted none of it. The only respite she found was near me, and even that was minimal. I was dealing with my increasing anger at her mother, and tried to block that from her. After a few days of Carlisle taking a short leave of absence from the hospital, Cheyenne not really getting any sleep or comfort, and my constant darkening mood, my father threatened to take Cheyenne. I immediately growled at the threat. I wouldn't allow anyone to take my daughter from me and defied anyone who tried.

Between my constant snarling and Cheyenne's high pitched screams, Carlisle had enough. Angry yells came from him, telling me to either take care of her, or he'd take her regardless of my _'fucking decision'_. I would have lashed out immediately if I hadn't been both surprised and standing guard over my little girl. Silence followed the outburst; even Cheye had quieted. I wondered if she understood the magnitude of the moment. Carlisle held his hand over his mouth, as if the threats he'd made hurt him more than me. And, there was no doubt in my mind that it had. Venom easily filled his eyes and refused to fall.

"_It was the only way, J-Jasper,"_ he stammered, contrition rolling off of him in waves.

I wanted to lash out and bite him for daring to make such threats, but as quickly as the thought came, it vanished. I knew the emotional upheaval had hurt him more than me. I was quickly losing control, and my father understood that. He had done what he thought needed to be done.

We stared at each other, soaking in the convoluted silence. Cheyenne's deep breaths filled our ears, along with her quick heartbeats. It pained me, hearing her trying to calm herself after her latest crying jag. And what Carlisle was trying to point out, finally hit me. Cheyenne was suffering more than me. I had the ability to reason, to know what was happening around me. Even though Cheyenne had this to an extent, her world was what those around her made it. I was giving her nothing but uncertainty and anxiety. Cheyenne wanted me above all others, thus it was my responsibility to love her. It was a responsibility I would always want and cherish.

So with my building anger being pushed deeply within, and my attention being refocused properly, I gave to my little daughter. She was now quieter at times than normal, and the manic crying stopped. She clung to me as if I were the only thing sustaining her life. The only way she would allow anyone else to hold her would be while eating and sleeping. The child had a voracious appetite and would scream at anyone who took too long with her food. It was funny to see this little thing demand of vampires to be fed. But, oh, did we jump when she demanded.

Others in my family wanted to come over, but I didn't allow it. I knew they wanted to make sure we were fine and Cheyenne was well taken care of, but I couldn't stand to see anyone. I was afraid of snapping at them unnecessarily or taking out my repressed anger out on them. I was on a precarious line, and couldn't stand anymore upheaval in my life. Carlisle stayed with me, comforted me in times of my breakdowns, and encouraged me to hunt. He indulged me at times, but also pushed my ass into gear when needed. Carlisle was, once again, the perfect companion for my moods.

I picked up on his constant changing emotions. They ranged from guilt to helplessness, to sadness to sorrow. It wasn't fair of him to feel such things, and I did my best to reassure him. But, above everything else, Carlisle loved his family and would worry regardless. He loved each of us endlessly and without reason. There was never any reason for him to feel guilt over not being everything I needed him to be. There were few people who could give me those things, and the biggest one was missing from my fucking life.

My anger at Bella would resurface when I could feel these emotions from Carlisle. How could she have been so selfish? How could she have left her daughter and myself alone? How could she just take off without discussing anything with me? How could she even cope without us in her life? Why had she only thought of herself and what she needed?

These questions only fueled my anger all the more. Was it fair of me to think such things . . . who the fuck knew? But regardless of it being correct, I was fucking fuming. It was more on behalf of Cheyenne and Carlisle than myself. They were suffering because of her stupid selfishness. I had asked her time and time again to confide in me, to just let me help in any way possible. But, she continued to rebuff my every attempt, claiming she "_couldn't even understand_".

I just couldn't fucking understand and it was the kindle to my ever roaring anger. Then a week after she had left, the heavens opened up and gave me some much sought after relief.

Carlisle stood in front of me with a small smile on his lips. I went to ask him what was so amusing, but he smiled even wider. As I felt my ire starting to rise, he brought his shaking hand out from behind his back and presented me with an envelope . . . I wanted to ridicule him. Was this some metaphor for something? Was I supposed to take my anger and enclose it away? Cheyenne's little impatient screams brought me back. I hadn't gotten her spoon to her quickly enough. Heaven forbid she'd have to wait three extra seconds to eat. Both Carlisle and I laughed at her impenitence; she continued to tell us off while her pudgy hands pounded her high-chair. My father handed me the envelope, took the food from me in his other and motioned for me to move.

"_Enjoy, my son,"_ he said before giving my fussy daughter with carrot mush around her pouty lips something more to eat. What an adorable picture they presented me with.

I finally came out of my stupor and looked at the paper in my hand. My emotions instantly rose inside me. So many things raged and demanded to be felt, but I recovered control. I now understood why Carlisle's hand had shook. Bella's beautiful, messy scrawl lined the front of the paper. My name was written at the top and more carefully than the rest of the address. Venom came to my eyes, clouding my vision. My angel told me of her love just in the way she wrote my name as neatly as possible, and it confirmed she was alright.

Shivers went through me at the knowledge. I bent down, kissed my father on the head, kissed my daughter's chubby cheek, and ran to my bedroom. I surrounded myself in the blankets, reveling in Bella's scent. I hadn't entered the room since she left. I couldn't take the intense emotions that had accompanied it; Cheyenne had to come first.

Without thought, my fingers tore at the flap of the envelope, bringing out the letter. I took a _much needed breath_ and started to read what she deemed me to know.

Many venom tears stung my eyes, and even thought I had committed to memory her words, I read them over and over. It was my only link to my love. While reading I came to a new understanding of her. I had been wrong all along, and allowed my anger to take over. It was something else I would have to atone for. But in the meantime, I thought over her script.

What did I come to learn: I came to understand that Bella wasn't selfish, and I couldn't understand how I had ever imagined that? Time and time again, she had given me of herself, regardless of her feelings. Bella had bent over backwards for me and my family. Fuck, my brother had tried to kill her, and instead of running like any normally sane person, she blamed herself. When my psychotic ex-wife had gone around the bend and tried to make Bella's life a living-hell, she had begged my family to leave well enough alone. She didn't want to make Alice's life more difficult. But above all that bullshit, Bella had shared her daughter with me, a bloodsucking vampire who's natural food source was humans. If that didn't screams unselfishness, than what the fuck did? Bella was the most unselfish person I knew (sans Carlisle; they were in each other's league).

It was an awakening I whole-heartedly needed.

More letters came after that . . . two more to be precise (one for each week she was gone). The second one angered me, but I also understood. Bella needed to confront some things in her life, and she needed to accomplish that without me holding her hand. Bella had always been independent, something useful taught to her by Renee. It really wasn't until I wanted to fix things in her life and be everything to her that Bella realized she didn't need to do everything alone. However, this was something Bella needed to conquer alone, and I would have been a poor-sport if I couldn't even recognize such a thing.

With Bella confronting her "past", I started to get some hope . . . it was almost as if she was righting the wrongs in her life, preparing for a change. Perhaps she was making things right in her human life in preparation for the next phase. That beautiful thought swelled deeply in my somewhat mended heart. Was she preparing to become like me? It was the one question that swirled unbidden in my head.

And then one quiet afternoon, like the sun setting and rising predictably the next morning, Bella came home. I had always known my angel would return, but that didn't mean my anxiety at her absence was any easier. Along with Bella learning things on her solo journey, I had also taken the time for introspection. I had been unfairly vile in my thoughts of her, and that was terrible. Yes, I had a right to be angry at her not discussing her departure with me, but I didn't have a right to think of the awful things I had . . . especially of her being a terrible mother – that still tore at me.

I also learned that there would never be a limit on the mistakes I'd make. No matter my age or the life lessons I learned, mistakes would always be made. Being a vampire didn't make me immune to such follies. We may have been unchanged as vampires, but that was mostly exclusive to aging and physical appearance . . . I changed in regards to emotions and the things I learned. Just like every other species on earth, I had to adapt to my surroundings or perish. Laws of the Universe didn't stop on my behalf and continued eternally, whether I was here or in some other sphere. That had been a difficult truth to swallow, but something I instinctively knew.

…

22 June – Thursday – Jasper's POV

While living without Bella . . . I heeded her instructions . . . I listened for her "trumpet's call". Like she had requested, it was Bella's pounding heart that told me of her being back. I all but froze. For a moment I felt like a teenager on his first date. I internally scoffed at myself . . . I was over a century old. That behavior was unbecoming of me, not to mention fucking embarrassing. I could already hear the taunting from Emmett.

Shy, timid footsteps sounded on the wood floor. I closed my eyes and basked in that heartbeat. I could feel myself wanting to sob in rejoicing, but I held the emotions at bay. Thankfully, Cheyenne was asleep and Carlisle had mysterious disappeared, but I didn't care in that moment. I was just grateful for the privacy and time to calm my erratic emotions.

Then – the veil finally parted and Bella was in front of me. Nothing was said and only uncertainty abounded. I took in a deep, startled breath – she looked wonderful. Pinkness lined her healthy looking cheeks. Her hair wasn't limp, but blow-dried and somewhat styled; the mahogany shined in the light of Cheyenne's shell lamp. Bella's skin, although pale, didn't look sallow, but healed, as if she learned what food was for. Her clothes weren't rumpled from excessive use, but a little wrinkled from travel. Overall, my angel was as she had first been when I first laid eyes on her; a little banged-up, but stunning. My love for the little, lost angel amplified instantly and spilled out of me. I had no chance to even stop it; she closed her eyes, taking everything I intentionally shared.

My need to touch her was astounding, and nothing short of God Himself could have stopped me from touching her. It was as if she saw that need in me and felt it crawling along her own soul. Without haste, she then ran to me. My arms had been ready to open the moment she left. I caught her mid-jump and instantly buried my face in her hair. Sobs took over me as I sank to the ground. Our bodies shook together as I leaned against the doorframe of the nursery. My hands ran over every part of her, wanting to make sure everything was well. I painfully willed the tears from my eyes before pulling back.

With Bella's legs still wrapped around me, her little hands fisted in my tear-wet shirt, and our bodies shuddering from constant emotions, I leaned in and softly touched her lips. Warmth: hot and scorching, flooded through me. I felt warmth with my daughter, but it wasn't the same; Bella's burnt me alive, singeing my veins afire. Our lips moved together with a familiarity, but also with a slowness that begged to be marveled. Our eyes closed of their own accord and Bella's tears – that slid eloquently down her skin – were shed for the both of us. My hands became tangled in her hair, becoming reacquainted with the texture and heaviness. Our sighs of relief and longing left our joined lips and traveled into the other.

Bella's need to finally breathe became an issue and reluctantly we both pulled back. My forehead rested on hers as I took in the throbbing of her heart and the smell from her blood. It was then noticed that she smelt differently. The change wasn't off-putting, but not decidedly hers. I had smelt that lingering scent before, but couldn't put it with anything in my repertoire, especially in regards to her.

I went to say something, but her lips pervaded me. Who the hell was I to object? Our kiss became fiercer as more emotions built up. Everything I had felt in her absence and everything I had wanted to give to her, slipped out; we both gasped as my emotions met her, but we rode out the onslaught together. Bella pulled away without warning and buried her face in my shirt. Her hands became strong fists as she bundled her hands in my shirt.

"Sor-ry, b-baby," she stammered through her gut-wrenching shakes. "I m-missed y-y-you. Please, . . . b-believe me." My old hurt reared again, but I released it, there was nothing productive to come from it. Bella had needed to take care of herself, and she always had that right.

"It did fucking hurt, Bella, I cannot lie to you. But . . ." I whispered, letting it hang between us, "I missed you, also. It is almost an understatement." And that was the honest's truth. Existence meant nothing without one's love. Nothing meant anything without someone to enjoy it with.

We both held each other in that doorway, with Bella in my lap. Cheyenne had finally awaked from her nap, and upon seeing her mother, started to instantly babble. It was as if she was telling her mother all she had missed in her absence. I just observed as they became reacquainted and spoke of their love for each other. One would have had to be totally devoid of emotion not to have been moved by the picture.

I hardly allowed Bella from my sight that night and in the following days. She didn't complain, and seemed as clingy as me. Our little family was once again happy, but still un-whole. Things still needed to be hashed out and straightened.

So it was with some trepidation and great joy that I planned an outing for Bella and me. She was remiss to leave Cheyenne, but with little coaxing and unnecessary guilt, I talked her into leaving for the evening. The Cullen's were all but foaming at the mouth to watch Cheyenne for the night. I hadn't allowed anyone near my daughter and me in Bella's absence. I couldn't stand the pity and other emotions. I had had enough to contend with. I might have been glutton for punishment, but even I had a limit.

…

27 June – Tuesday – Jasper's POV

I wondered what Bella would think of the next surprise I had in store for her. Her excitement over my surprises had, once upon a time, made me smile. Her face would light up, my face would follow her example, and my world would feel right for that eternal moment.

With many kisses to our daughter and our hands clasped tightly together, we left. When we got to the car, I brought out a blindfold and Bella started to moan. I couldn't help but chuckle at her cute expression. I was even more enchanted with her after her return. It was as if everything was new again and everything we experienced together was magic.

"Indulge me, angel," I said in a cajoling voice. She could never stand long against such a tone. She gave me an unexpected kiss on my lips and quickly complied. I had a funny smile on my mouth as I tied the scarf. I loved her spontaneous touches and kisses. It always reawakened the dragonflies in me (butterflies were for chicks, I was too fucking manly for that).

"Ready, Bella?" I breathed onto her neck. She leaned back and twisted her fingers in my hair. I took advantage and kissed her neck lovingly. Bella had been lighter after her return. There was still a determination I could feel when around her, but her emotions were more in check. She had come to some sort of balance.

"Not really, darling." I could hear the teasing in her tone. "However, with you, I am." There was a double meaning in her words that I couldn't really understand.

I placed one last kiss to her forehead after helping her into the car. Once we were off, I entwined our hands again and rubbed the silky flesh. Bella hummed along with the music as I basked in her near me. My mind turned to our eventual evening and the promised talk which would happen after. But for now, I just enjoyed the simplicity of the moment.

…

Bella's laugh filled my soul as it bounced off the hills around us. Nighttime had completely fallen and we were now surrounded by the sound of crickets rubbing their wings together, calling out to the moon as the night progressed. Around us hundreds of lighting bugs lit our fallen night, giving the illusions of hundreds of flickering floating candles. The summer wind blew through my angel's hair, causing the disarray curls to fall into her eyes. She carelessly shoved the curls under her knitted hat with the big flower on the right side.

The hardness and constant swirling that had surrounded Bella for a time fell away. She was the old Bella again: the one who smiled shyly at me, the one who took joy from the simple things in life, the one who took joy in the simple presence of her daughter. Her eyes were cleared and she was more at peace.

She looked like a little child, lost in her innocence, never realizing the harshness of the world. It was the way I had envisioned Bella for so long in the time I had known her. The smile that covered her face was timeless, the pink tinge to her cheeks was endearing, and her eyes were wild with laughter. In this moment of her life, there was nothing bad, only happiness abounded in her magical world.

The sound of the top hitting the top of the jar brought me out of my contemplations. I could see that Bella had caught several lightening bugs and was admiring their alluring splendor. To me, lightening bugs were such anomalies, making one remember childhood and enchanting nights. Watching Bella smile at her little success brought my own smile out to play.

"What do you have there, angel?" She turned to the right and saw me approaching her. Bella held her jar up, showing me what she captured, a huge grin plastered on her exquisite face.

"Look at how many I caught, Jasper!" Joviality filled her voice as she yelled to me, "I could have never imagined there were so many lightening bugs here. I always figured they were just in the Southern states. This is just so beautiful," she continued to gush. "Thanks for bringing me here." Shyness tinged each word. I finally stopped and stood in front of her. Her cheeks were wonderfully stained pink. She would have floated away to the stars – I feared – if I wasn't hanging onto her. Her happiness radiated from her very skin.

"No worries, baby. My joy comes in watching you having fun. Your whole face was full of bliss, just trying to catch these ass-lighting bugs." Bella's face became silly at my words. Her little hands came to her hips in what she must have thought to be a threatening stance. I held my amusement in at her cute pose.

"Jasper, these are not 'ass lightening bugs'," she quoted while air quoting my previous statement. "They are so magical and mysterious. Their very presence has a way of bringing one back to their childhood, and bringing out one's inner child. Here I am, twenty-two years old, and I'm chasing glow bugs in the summer night air while my daughter is at home sleeping. But those facts don't faze me; the only thing that fills my mind is chasing these things, letting them entertain me." Bella looked away after lecturing me and peered into her jar; both of her hands were wrapped securely around the perimeter.

"I'm just teasing you, Bella. I was actually thinking along the same lines as you." A smile was fighting to make it ways on to her lips. She never could stay worked up for too long. Underneath her very thin veneer of annoyance was the loveable kitten. Bella's giggles finally burst from her mouth and filled the night air. It sent tingles along my skin. The stars in the sky seemed to twinkle along with her rhythmic gaiety in accompaniment.

Bella sat on the ground and then fully extended the rest of her body. She sat her jar on her tummy. Her hair fanned out on the ground, covering the grass around her. She turned her head towards me and lifted her eyebrows in a challenging gesture. I smirked before following her lead, lying down beside my angel. She turned her head toward the sky again, taking in the millions of stars that glittered above us.

"Do you think lighting bugs came from fish too, Jasper?" She broke the silence between us, with her outlandish question. I couldn't help but laugh at her silly mind. Bella was one of a kind, and I was amazed she was in my life.

"I'm not sure, little one, maybe they are cousin to the angelfish. You know the fish that uses light to lure its prey. Good thing we a lot bigger then these bugs that have light coming out of their ass, or they might eat us." Bella just giggled as she attempted to hit my arm.

After Bella calmed down again, she became pensive. I could feel her ranging emotions. One moment she was content, the next curios, and then out of nowhere, I could feel sadness and guilt. I wondered what thoughts were running through her head and if I had said something amiss. I must have been projecting my worry because Bella grabbed my hand and ran her small fingers in soothing circles.

She continued to look at the sky as she spoke reverently to me, "Sometimes . . . I wonder what the point is, Jasper."

I didn't know what she was referring to so I let my confusion seep into her. She turned toward me, gave a sad little smile, and spoke again. "What is the point in being here? Why are some happy, and others sad? Why do some have everything and others so little? Why am I so blessed and others not so much? What makes me so lucky to have my life? I have a beautiful daughter that I love more than my life," she paused, "I have your family and their unending support, I have a best friend in Rosie, and most importantly, I have my eternal friend." She looked at me with pure, unadulterated love, "You, Jasper."

She leaned on me and kissed my lips.

"Even with all of these things in my life, I wonder what the point in being here is, if the main objective is to eventually leave it all behind. And . . . did we really come from fish?" I now understood her earlier question about lightening bugs coming from fish.

I was a little taken aback by her thoughts and the direction they had gone. I wasn't sure how to answer her them or what she was truly looking for. Her thoughts didn't really pertain to my life; I wasn't truly among the living. I was an eternal being that would, hopefully, never taste the ending of my existence. There was the possibility of me leaving this realm, but it wasn't in my foreseeable future.

"I honestly don't know how to answer you, angel," I finally admitted. "There are so many different answers to your questions, depending on who you talk to." I twirled her hair around my fingers as she scooted closer to me. "I've also thought about the nature of life. People's life expectancy is all different, and their reasons for being here are all different. It's a great unknown what becomes of them after this world. Some believe this is it, 'eat, drink and be merry'; while others believe in a higher power, a saving grace."

She looked to the sky as I continued. I wondered if she could see the answers written there. "I personally believe we all have an unwritten path. We each have a main objective we are to attain, and it is our choices and our actions that fill the blank pages of our said path, bringing us closer to our objective. I could be wrong and full of shit, or I could have some of the truth right." I told her honestly. The fireflies continued to dance among us and in the distance. It seemed surreal in that moment, lying next to Bella, gazing at the heavens and pondering the meaning of this world.

"Where did these questions come from, angel, such serious thoughts on a night filled with frivolity?" Bella gently shrugged her shoulders, but I could still feel some of her hidden guilt.

"I guess lightening bugs bring out the philosopher in me," she teased, a sly smile playing on her lips. I could feel her trying to evade my question by making light of the situation. I decided to let her have her peace for the moment and changed the subject.

"And here I thought lightening bugs brought out the fish philosopher in you." Bella, of course, rolled her eyes at my poor attempt at humor. She let out a long-winded and long-suffering sigh. Oh, the shit my angel had to deal with from her vampire.

I knew it was time for her to be punished for her insolence. I sat up and looked down at her lying form.

"Are you going to apologize for rolling your eyes at me, angel?" She had the grace to scoff at my question.

"And here I thought eight years of medical school made you smarter. Of course I won't. You should apologize for your lame attempt at joking." Oh, now she was in even more trouble.

"I will give you to the count of three to change that beautiful mind of yours, angel, at which point, if you still haven't apologized, you shall have to be punished." She looked at me incredulously.

"One . . ."

"Jasper, have you lost your mind?" she said, still not believing.

"Two . . ."

"There is no way I'm going to say sorry to you," she exclaimed defiantly. My girl had gumption. I loved her all the more.

"Three . . ."

"You can just kiss my . . ." I did warn her. I slightly leaned over and gave her the punishment she had asked for while being flippant.

"Jasper . . . you . . . Jazz . . . stop right no –" she stammered loudly over her screams. My fingers showed no mercy as I tickled her sides and underarms.

"Plea –" she tried saying, but couldn't finish. Tears of merriment filled her eyes, making them even more expressive. I laughed with her, not being able to take my eyes from her wonderfully flushed, happy face.

"Are you finally going to say sorry?"

"Never, Jas –" I wouldn't allow her to finish as I added feelings of mirth to my tickling. Bella was on the verge of tipping over from her joy. I was surprised she hadn't pissed her pants.

"How about now, angel?" I could feel her resolving slipping, and knew she was on the verge of giving in. Oh, sweet and unfairly won victory.

"No, never –" she started to scream, but quickly amended her screams, "I'M SORRY!" And victory was mine.

I magnanimously lessened my torture on her. She brought her hands to her face and wiped at the tears that had fell. Her joy was amazing, and I allowed it to fill me completely. I reveled in its pure form. I moved her bangs from her forehead, tucking them into her knit hat and replaced them with my lips. My lips flared warm from the contact. I internally sighed; I would never tire of our connection. I moved my lips over to her left ear before whispering, "You know I always win, angel, but I still love you."

I could feel her smile on my cheek; her breath was hot as she spoke, "Unfairly, but I love you also, Jasper."

I placed one more lingering kiss to her temple, took in her endearing scent, and soaked in her remaining joy. Her tiny arms were wrapped around my neck and her face turned into my chest. I lifted us both into a sitting position and hugged her back. She moved her head from my chest before looking around. She finally found what she sought after.

"Jasper . . . all of my lightening bugs escaped!" she exclaimed, horrified. Her innocence was so cute that I couldn't help but laugh. In one hand, she held her glass jar, and in the other, the lid with the holes; her face marred with a frown.

"There is nothing funny about the situation. It's completely your fault. Now stop laughing and help me catch some more!" she argued, indignantly.

My angel tried to get up while holding her jar in both hands, but fell back on her ass. Her face turned red with embarrassment, but I could feel her humor at the situation. She joined me in my laughter, and rolled her eyes at her silly situation. I stood, extending my hands to her. Bella tucked her jar under her right arm and grabbed onto my hand. I pulled her up and kissed her cheek.

"You are so wonderful, angel, never change," I told her in all seriousness, but with a smile still on my lips.

Bella turned pink; she had no response. What was there to say when someone called out one's perfection? I knew Bella disagreed, but she wouldn't persuade me otherwise. She dropped my hand when she spotted some ass lighting bugs and literally ran for the hills. How did one like that – abandoned because one's ass didn't glow? Isabella's laughter once more accompanied the singing crickets, while the clapping of the lid hit the jar.

"Come, Jasper, you're missing all the fun!" she called out to me. How could I refuse such an offer? I ran toward her mirth and captured her body by the waist, pulling her laughing into my arms.

"You are too much, Bella."

I placed my hands over hers, one on the jar and the other on the lid. As a lightening bug flew past us I quickly trapped him, along with Bella's help, in his temporary home. Bella laughed at my antics of treating her like a puppet. I brought our hands and the jar up to our eyes, admiring our handy work. Bella was still giggling, enjoying the fun in the childish night.

And then, as if the wind had blown her over, she started to fall. Her laughter stopped, along with my already dead heart. I quickly caught her before she hit the ground. Her eyes spun before she finally shut them. Her breathing became uneven. I hastily sat down on the ground and brought her into my lap. Her head fell to my shoulders like a little lifeless doll, and her arms dropped to her side.

The jar rolled out of our unclenched hands.

My mind started to spin as Bella lay lifeless in my arms. So many possibilities cluttered my mind in the space of a mere second, but none of it mattered. I just needed Bella. I cradled her in my arm like a child and brought my other hand to her face. I gently tapped on her cheek, trying to get her to respond.

"Bella, angel, come back to me," I pleaded pathetically with her unmoving body. Venom started to fill my eyes with my panic. My angel had to be fine.

"Baby, please, I need you to wake up! Answer me!" I screamed at her, my heart continued to crack painfully, watching her unresponsive form. "I love you, Bella. Please, wake up for me." I whimpered in her ear, sending all of my love to her.

One . . . Two . . . Five . . . Fifteen . . . Thirty Seconds . . . Two minutes passed, and finally Bella started to stir in my arms. She tried lifting her eyelids, but they were still too heavy for her. I saw her hand twitch. I brought it to my cheek and allowed my face to curve around her little hand.

"Jas –" Bella tried to say, while still trying to stay coherent.

"What, angel? Please, tell me?" I cried into her hand.

"Jasper, I'm s-sor –" Her voice trailed off in her effort to speak.

"It's fine, angel," I tried to reassure her, disregarding my own panic. "You have nothing to apologize for. I'll take you home and put you to bed." I tried telling her, but I was starting to feel her guilt from earlier again.

"No, Jasper . . . I should have told you sooner."

What the fuck was she talking about? Her eyes were still closed, but the corners of her eyes were scrunched up as if she were in pain. Her forehead was creased with her exertion, and her lips were pulled in.

"Tell me what, angel?" I questioned, searching her face wildly. Her tears leaked from her closed lids; my fear was getting the better of me.

"Tell me what, angel?" I said again with a little more force.

I tried not to scare her, but my fear was causing me to become overwhelmed. This was the thing I had been dreading for a lifetime now. This was the thing that Bella had kept hidden.

The fallout hit me like a burning comet.

"I found out . . ."

…

The crickets continued to chirp, making their music, calling out to the darkened night to their mate, while the remaining lightening bugs filled the air between us with their ethereal light. The stars shined down on us with their brilliance; the smell of freesia filled the air.

Even the majesty of the night couldn't stop my world from changing again, spinning completely out of alignment.

* * *

Author's Notes: Okay, I know a cliff hanger, but it had to end here. The next chapter is also going to be long. I did warn you, loves. Regardless, I hope you liked the chapter and perhaps the reunion. I rewrote this chapter (line by line, paragraph by paragraph) several times, UGH, and I'm still not completely happy with it, thus the late post. I thought it lacked some in the emotional department. Maybe, it's just me and my seeing things?

Anyway, thanks to all those who reviewed last chapter. I know I say it all the time, but they are so very loved. Reviews are my only reward for the hours it takes to write this story, and they are wonderful; even the ones that are just filled with anticipation for the next chapter to be released. The next chapter will be the one a lot have been waiting for . . . dum, dum, dum! We are in the twilight of this story, loves. (*trying not to tear up*)

I hope all is well with everyone. I will be releasing a teaser for the next chapter. I realize I haven't done that in a while. Let me know if you'd like one. Take care, lovely readers, and much love!

_Posted: Saturday, 3 September 2011_


	33. Chapter XXXII

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended. Lots of research was done for this chapter. I tried to make it as accurate as possible. Anyway, just thought I'd put that out there.

**Chapter Thirty-Two**

"_A thing long expected takes the form of the __unexpected__ when at last it comes_._"_

_- Mark Twain_

27 June – Tuesday Night – Jasper's POV

Bella stirring in my arms brought the buzzing out of my ears and my eyes to focus again. She continued to chant, "I'm sorry," over and over again. The words didn't make much sense to my over-wrought mind, but her weak and hapless body caused my protectiveness of her to rise to alarming heights. My grip around her tightened and she winced a little from the pressure. I immediately loosened up.

"Bella? What the matter?" I whimpered, not really knowing what else to say.

"Home, take me home," the murmured words slipped from her dry lips. I berated myself for not thinking of that. Bella was now shivering and the temperature in the air had already become more chilled. I also knew that Carlisle needed to be called. I had enough of this shit and being left in the damn dark. Bella's emotional and mental state may have improved, but there was something still not right.

I quickly lifted Bella into my arms and ignored the sound of her glass jar being broken as I trampled over it. I took in my angel's fluttering heartbeat, reassuring myself she was fine and lucid in my embrace. It amazed me that her heart could beat so rapidly; it reminded me of when I had first heard Cheyenne's. I pushed the thought aside as I situated Bella into the passenger side. Once her seatbelt was secure, I raced over to the driver side while taking my cell phone from my pocket.

The car door slammed shut and once again I winced as Bella moaned from the unnecessarily loud sound. I – at times – paid no mind to how sensitive her human ears were. It was rare for me to do anything at vampire speed around my little family, so when I did, their frailties didn't escape my notice.

My hand caressed her face in an apology. My angel leaned into my cupped hand while releasing little whimpers.

"It hurts, Jasper."

I didn't know what hurt, but pain was radiating off of her in waves. My right hand became shaky as I caressed her face; my breathing uneven. It was complete agony to see my love like this. It continually reminded me of our very noticeable distinction: Bella was human and I was a vampire. However, I didn't have time to contemplate the difference, my angel was infinitely more important.

"I can feel it, angel," I whispered to her, wanting her to know she wasn't alone in her pain.

"Just a little bit longer and we'll be home," I said in my most reassuring voice. Even I couldn't keep the unsteadiness out. I gave one more graze to her cheek before pulling away and starting the car.

Once we were on the road, my fingers started to dance over the keys of my cell phone. Carlisle's cell ringed encouragingly in my ear. He answered on the third ring. I could still hear Bella's pitiful moans. I wanted to touch her, but with driving and needing to call my father, I had to let her be for the moment. That didn't stop me from sending her all the comfort I could manage.

"Carlisle, I need your assistance with Bella!" I said without preamble. I could hear him sighing, probably thinking '_what in the hell is happening now_?' My guilt at always calling him started to spike. "Sorry," I quickly apologized, wanting him to know my sincere remorse for always needing him.

"It's never a problem, son. I continue to exist for my family," he replied empathically. I knew if he were beside me his love would have all but smothered me, thus was the emotion in his voice. I could hear Bella mumbling my name. I wasn't clear on what she wanted yet alone needed. "What may I do for you, Jasper? Anything you need, ask." I felt my eyes prickle at his easy acceptance. He made everything more manageable.

"It's Bella . . . she's in some kind of pain." I looked over at my angel and could see her clutching her stomach. "Her hands keep grasping her stomach – more the lower region." Carlisle was silent on the other end. I wondered if he was listening to Bella's sounds, trying to decipher her little noises.

"Jasper!" Bella finally yelled through her grunts.

I took my attention away from the road momentarily. She kept saying my name, but I hadn't known what she wanted. My eyes scanned her face while I took in her emotions. Her glassy orbs told me of her pain, but her emotions told of her annoyance and regret. To say I was confused by the weird cocktail of emotions was an understatement.

"Hang up the phone."

I sputtered at her request; it came out of left field. I quickly regained my motor skills before answering, "No, angel. You need help and it's time something was done." I expected to feel anger from her at my refusal, but only utter sadness seeped into me.

"What the hell, Bella?" I all but stammered. Everything was coming at me and there was no time to prepare for the onslaught.

"Jasper, please –" she went to explain, but Carlisle grabbed my immediate attention.

"Take Isabella home, son, and get her some pain pills. After she is settled, and if she is still in pain, call me. Don't wait longer than two hours if there is still no relief for her. I'll keep Cheyenne here with me. Please, tell Isabella that I love her and if she needs me, don't hesitate to call. She is my daughter, too."

I nodded at Carlisle's directions and then realized he couldn't see me. "Alright, father, I'll tell her."

After hanging up, I told Bella what Carlisle wanted me to and grabbed her hand. I was now scared and didn't know what the fuck to do. Things were once again spinning around me and I felt as if my world was going to go off axis once again. My angel's hands were clammy, but I ignored the wetness. I concentrate on our combined heat while sporadically kissing her wrist. A little whimper left her lips each time mine touched her skin; a small twitched of her lips would curve at the corners of her mouth. I could only surmise it to be a smile. The little gesture broke my heart. Everything was up in the air, floating beside Bella as her angel's wings kept her afloat. It felt as if I would never get off the ground and join my love. I hated the distance between us.

The silence was thick but the emotions were even more substantial. With a great sigh of relief, I finally pulled into our garage. It wasn't quite the ending I had in mind to our evening, but at least Bella's painful groans had subsided. She now had droplets of salt-water trailing down her flushed face. The time for all the hidden shit had passed; it was time for everything to be laid out on the proverbial table.

I hurriedly made my way to Bella's side and gingerly helped her out of the car. I could already see bruising starting on her forearms. I hadn't meant to grasp her so hard; my worry and anxiety had wiped out all sane thoughts. My mouth ghosted over the bluish patched skin. The angel's hand scraped over the skin of my neck, letting me know she was fine. The touch was gentle and caused me to shiver. I gave one more kiss to her flesh before pulling away.

Once Bella was out of the car we walked into the house together. She made it to the living room before falling apart. Great wracking sobs tore through her little body. Goosebumps erupted over every inch of her skin as she lay bent over her knees. My broken one's hair curtained off her face and lay lifeless on the floor. I was torn into fucking pieces. Everywhere I turned, agony bled into my skin, every breath that entered my lungs brought into my body the utter dejection that lingered in the air. I was filling to the brim with uncertainty and helplessness. My venom reacted to the extreme feelings and all but boiled my veins as it scorched me alive. I wanted to tear something apart, but was utterly confused about everything around me.

My knees finally gave out, and I joined Bella in a heap on the wood floor.

"You should have never had to d-deal with m-me," she hissed painfully. "My failures should have n-never touched your life, Jas –" She could finish around the lump in her throat.

"Please, for the love of my sanity and peace, Isabella . . . fucking tell me what's happening?"

And then . . . Bella pulled herself up, contained her sobs, gave me the saddest smile that had ever graced her lips, and finally told me what I had wanted to know.

…

_There's that old proverb "where ignorance is bliss; 'tis folly to be wise." No truer words were spoken in that moment. I had been in the dark before begging Bella to tell me her problems . . . and with hindsight being twenty-twenty; I wish to have had the forethought to live in 'ignorant bliss'. But one couldn't undo what was already done. If possible, I would have altered my angel. _

…

Isabella had to be lying!

The truths that came out of her mouth were a _lie_. I didn't care how much I could feel her honesty and regret, she had to be lying to me; there were no other options. My angel _couldn't_ have . . . even the thought became lodged in my throat.

I looked at Bella; the water in her eyes reflected my own. We both quavered from unremitting sobs that attacked our battered bodies. The venom was burning my entire eye sockets and seemed to mock me with the sting: I may have been invincible to many things, but pain wasn't one of those.

I still tried to wrap my mind around the lingering truths in the air. My head couldn't fathom it. Nothing of that magnitude could touch my angel. She was a loving mother with a little beauty to raise in much happiness. However, just by looking at her face I knew she was telling the truth. It started to sink deeply within every fiber of my body. Sometimes I hated this fucking world.

_My angel couldn't_ . . .

I immediately stopped thinking and breathing. My body couldn't cope with the news. I simply crumpled even further into the ground, allowing the overwhelming ache overtake me. My body trembled with the shakes that raced through me. My little sweet angel made her way over to me and knelt down. I wanted to encircle her in my arms before tearing away anything that threatened to take her; however, I was useless in that moment. The only thing I could do was cry for my little lost angel.

She picked my head up and placed it into her lap. Her tiny fingers ran soothing circles over my scalp as her empty stomach grazed the back of my head. I could feel her hot tears as they ran from her eyes, down her flushed cheeks, and fell onto my dead skin. I didn't know where Bella had found her strength, but our positions were now switched. Once again, the girl utterly blew me away as she found the strength to console me.

Her tears became mine and we cried. The sound of her thumping heartbeat became my own, and with every beat that passed, the news seemed to sink in a little more. The reality of the situation became clearer in my mind, but my heart and her piece of my soul continued to reject the truth. I was good at living in an alternate reality.

I found the strength to turn my head up and look at Bella; her face was distorted from the venom that blocked my sight. Her tears continued to cascade down her face and onto mine. I made no move to wipe them; it made the situation shockingly real. I slowly brought my hand up to her cheek, making sure she was still here. Her hot skin seared into me, bringing me even further into reality. She was still with me. My angel leaned her cheek into my touch; I savored her flushed skin on my hand. I leaned in and kissed her stomach, sending my love close to her heart. Bella continued to stroke my hair while my hand caressed her face.

"Jasper, I'm sorry." And now the continued apologizes made sense to me. "I didn't know how else to tell you," she whimpered, a tear fell into the palm of my hand.

She was worried again, and I knew it to be for my pain, overlooking her own. It brought me back to that little girl lost long ago, on a night that sparkled with millions of stars. Her tears reminded me of the sparkling heavens as they brought out the jade of her eyes. Bella's determination also made sense. It settled over us like a gentle fleece comforter.

I didn't know how to respond so I placed a kiss in the palm of her hand, tasting the tear that had fell on the exact spot.

"How is it, that while you fight potentially for . . ." I had a hard time even voice the possibility, ". . . you know – you can show concern for what I am feeling? I should have you wrapped in my arms, instead of lying at your knees, blubbering."

My angel's fingers outlined the shape of my lips as I spoke. My breath fanned over her skin and bounced back to me. I shivered from the intimacy.

"It's nothing, Jasper. I like having a damsel-in-distress kneeling at my feet," she tried jesting. A watery tinkle left her lips. It was music to my burned ears. The normality of Bella's banter brought some calm to my overused thoughts and body.

"If you promise to be there always, Isabella, I would be your constant damsel-in-distress." I tried to keep the levity in the situation, but to no avail.

A few more tears slipped from her eyes as a poignant smile trembled her lips. "If it were only as simple as a promise, my love . . . I would give it to you in a heartbeat, literally. But you know what I learned long ago, Jasper?" I shook my head.

"I have learned that life is more complicated than a child's imagination; compliments of Renee. It is filled with no guarantees. We endure what we are handed in life and try to make the best out of our situations. It may never be fair, but then I think of those people who have it much worse than me, and even in my current situation, I am still blessed."

Again, the girl spoke the truths of her soul. It touched deeply within her spot in my body. The heat flared in my skin.

I rubbed my thumb along her velvety cheekbone. She closed her eyes and kissed my fingers individually.

"When I first found out – I had the typical reaction. I grieved, shouted, and cursed whoever was listening. I typically blamed God and I wasn't even sure if He was really there. I am not a religious person, but I wanted to blame someone . . . anyone, and He was readily available.

I tucked my face into her clothed stomach and listened to the last part of her history; the one she had failed to tell me of.

…

Bella's POV in the past (Part Three)

"I'm sorry, Ms. Swan, but you, um . . . you have cancer. I'm sorry," he repeated again, as if the first time hadn't been sincere enough. "We found a tumor on one of your ovaries during a pelvic exam, and the blood work. That is also why we performed the CT scan. We will need to run further tests, but I'm sorry, we're more than certain!"

I never understood why the doctor apologized. Perhaps they tried to make things easier. I felt like I was floating in another's person's life, watching their reaction to the unexpected news. This surely wasn't me sitting there, looking pale and lifeless.

"Ms. Swan, were you able to hear me?" he asked gently, not wanting to say it again. I could fault him. I thought about his job this unsavory perk. It had to be one of the hardest things to tell someone.

_Cancer_, what an ugly sounding word; it had the potential to slowly kill a person while making him or her weak and in constant pain. Then, after one all but begged for the pain to end, it gave a person the release – as if it was doing one a grand favor. It took a person from their family and loved ones into another place that may not even exist; an existence that had the potential to hold nothing but utter silence.

I heard the doctor calling my name again and decided to give him some peace of mind. It wasn't his fault my body was being taken away.

"So, I guess the next question you must get is, how long?" I asked delicately, fearing he would tell me tomorrow. I knew that was an unlikely possibility, but I was scared and unfamiliar with this.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Swan," he said again, his voice still grave. I began to hate the word sorry. "I don't have a definitive answer." That was the story of my life. "Your situation is unique because of your pregnancy. Since you conceived in February and it is now April, you're only about two months along. There is always the possibility of terminating the pregnancy, starting on treatment immediately. However, if that isn't the route you want to take, there are other options available. It's completely up to your discretion, and I will prescribe the best possible course of action when I know your decision."

There was no hesitation to my answer. I already had this discussion with myself on a park bench while watching a mother and son laughing. The answer was absolute: I wanted my child, and I would do anything for my baby. I had already bonded with him or her in my tummy. I wanted what was best for the unborn. Now that Mike was mentally and emotionally unavailable to me, this was the only reminder or part of him that I had. If he ever woke up, I wouldn't know how to tell him that I had to give up his child. I knew it wasn't logical, and he would support me in any decision, but it was still difficult to think about.

"I'm planning on carrying my child to full term, doctor. I'm not sure if it is the best answer, but it is mine," I affirmed; a tear slipped for my little unborn baby, resting securely in under my stomach.

"I understand, Ms. Swan - truly. I'll do everything to make sure you and baby are fine." I smiled at him.

We had planned to meet in a couple days time, he needed to compose his plans and confer with other doctors about my new regiment. He prescribed me extra vitamins and told me to make sure I drank plenty of liquids. After another sad, "_I'm sorry_" and a somewhat encouraging smile, I left his office with the knowledge that I now had a disease that wanted to take away my life and that of my baby.

Over the next few days, I went through several emotions that were close to the grieving process. They came quickly and swiftly. I knew the grieving process could last for a long time in others and varied with each individual, but I didn't have that luxury or peace of mind. I had a baby growing in me and no one to help with the things that life still brought on. I needed to get over my grief quickly so I could focus on my little one. My love was already fierce, but it was still difficult with no one's help.

_**Shock and Denial**_

'_The doctor has surely made some kind of mistake. He had to have mixed up the files with another patient. I'm healthy. I have a little child growing in me, who depends on my body. I just can't have such a nasty disease in my body. I have no use for cancer, so I can't possibly have it.'_ I reasoned with myself.

I was well aware that the thoughts were nonsensical, but there they were. Rejection kept running through my mind. When no more thoughts would come, I sat on my bed in stillness, afraid to move. My pupils would dilate and I would forget what I was doing. Nothing seemed to faze me, only darkness. Then the "_c_" word would enter my mind, bringing the denial to the forefront again. This was a useless cycle, but still part of the grieving process.

_**Pain and Guilt**_

It was my fault that I had cancer. I had done something wrong to cause this and now my baby had to suffer. I curled into a little ball in the middle of the bed and cried. The pain I experienced hurt, but it was nothing I didn't deserve. I convinced myself that everything I did wrong in life led me to have this disease. Maybe if I would have been nicer to others, or been there for my mother when she really needed me, my child wouldn't have to suffer. It was just my fault, and the pain it caused made my guilt feel even worse. Vile puke usually followed after such guilty feelings. My body reacted very negatively to extreme guilt.

_**Anger and Bargaining **_

After I got up from the bed and ate some dinner for my child, I went back into my room and cried out in anger. How the hell could this be happening to me? I had a child that was growing in me, innocent and never malicious. He or she didn't deserve what was happening. I could accept what came at me, but my child wasn't even born. Maybe if Mike had been here, and I didn't have to go through all of the stress my body endured, I wouldn't have cancer. Maybe if Jasper would have let me die, when I was a child, then my child wouldn't be suffering now.

I was a failure at keeping my little baby safe.

_Why did these bad things have to happen to me, anyway?_ I continuously asked myself. I thought, maybe, because I didn't believe in God, He was punishing me. I got mad at him.

_Why are you punishing me? What the hell have I ever done to you? I don't even know you, and from what I do, I can't stand you. Why would you do this to an innocent child, and you profess to love us. Are you there? Can you hear what I'm asking you? _

The blame – I had come to realize – was unfair, even if He didn't exist. It was just part of life, something I had to endure.

_Silence_

After my continued abuse on someone who didn't deserve my anger, I got down on my knees and prayed to someone I wasn't even sure existed. For the first time in my adult life, I prayed fervently to any higher being. I figured anything could work, so what did I have to lose. My baby was more important to me than anything, including my useless pride.

"I'm not sure if _you_ are even there or can hear me, but I'm sorry about earlier. I know _you_ didn't deserve my anger, but _you_ were available. I'm sure I'm not the first to curse _you_, nor will I be the last. I never knew for sure if _you_ existed, but this isn't even about me. This is about my child, my little miracle." I touched my still flat stomach. "I could care less what happens to me at this point, but I need for my baby to be okay. It is innocent and has done nothing wrong."

Tears leaked out of my already sore eyes. I cleared the lump in my throat before continuing.

"My baby deserves a chance to survive and live his or her life. It deserves to grow up and learn: learning to walk and talk, experiencing the thrills of learning to ride a bike and or tying shoes. My little one deserves to go to school to learn and make friends. It deserves to be happy and experience the butterflies of first love and all that goes with it, including the heart break.

Please . . . please. I don't care what happens to me, but don't punish my child! There is nothing I could give you freely, but my life, and I am willing to do that after my baby is born healthy. So, please, have a little compassion for my child before doing what you will to me. It's all I ask!"

I finished my heartfelt prayer and spent the rest of the night in and out of sleep, alternating between anger and praying for the life of my child. I had cancer; there was nothing else I could do, except, pray for my child that didn't.

…

The rest of the time passed quickly before I was back in my doctor's office, waiting for him to speak. Before he even started I asked him to call me Bella, he was after all, my new hope.

He gave me a smile and continued, "Well, Bella, I have spoken with several people and have come to the conclusion that we are going to do an operation on the tumor." I shuddered at the news, but just nodded for him to continue.

"During surgery, if the pathologist confirms cancer, we need to discuss the possibility of removal of the affected ovary, biopsies of lymphoid, and other areas that make be affected – like the peritoneum, which includes abdominal-pelvic cavity and the liver." I couldn't help but gulp.

"That sounds . . . well, rather invasive," I said. He gave a light chuckle which had me smiling at him. Levity was always appreciated in this situation, I came to learn.

"Yes, it sure does. This is what we refer to as surgery staging." I motioned for him to go on. "Once we do the preliminary surgery and a biopsy of the tumor, we can tell what stage cancer you are in and go from there. If you are in the early stages, we should be fine with removing the ovary and staging surgery. If not, and the cancer has spread, we will have to wait until the baby is at least 24 weeks or mature enough to do a cesarean before removing the uterus. You expressed your wish to keep your child, and that is your decision."

"Absolutely," I answered immediately, passion thick in my tone. He gave me a half-smile.

"After 24 weeks have passed, we will continue to assess the situation, and when we think the baby will survive on its own, we will proceed. Chemotherapy will start after the uterus is removed. If you are in stage one cancer, Chemo should not be necessary. But if it has spread, then it will be an option after the staging. Usually, mothers will have to make a choice, and since you have made your decision, we will know how to proceed. I must warn you that waiting can endanger your life and limits the chances of remission. As your doctor, I have to give you all the information available," he finished; he looked at me, waiting for an answer.

"I appreciate all you're doing, but I _have_ made my decision. The life of my child comes before mine. I'm sure you can understand the sanctity of life," I replied, giving him a sad smile.

"I understand, Bella, and I respect the decisions of my patients. I know it is so much easier said than done, but please try and stay calm. It won't due to become worked up and stress your baby even more. Please, try and trust that everything will be fine. Have a little faith," he whispered. I didn't know if he believed in God either, but in that moment, we both believed in a higher being.

"The survival rate is pretty high, and more and more woman who have cancer, during pregnancy, are doing just fine raising their little ones."

I gave him a smile that seemed like the first one in days. I would do as he recommended and '_have a little faith'_.

…

A month later (at three months pregnant), the preliminary surgery was completed, the tumor removed, and the biopsy done. The conclusion: I had cancer and was thankfully, in stage one. Even though I had cancer while pregnant, I felt more hopeful than ever. It had not spread past my infected ovary.

The staging was then set and I underwent my next round of surgery and recovery. My affected ovary was removed, along with my affected lymph nodes. They also performed cytoreduction by removing as many cells as possible. It seemed to be complete, meaning no visible sign of the disease left.

After a two week stay in the hospital, to make sure I was fine (hydrated and well rested), I was released. I went out to eat the night of my release, and made the decision not to tell Mike's mother of my prognosis and baby.

_Why didn't I tell his mother_, many would think. I knew that I was fine now. Even though I learned nothing was set in stone and with the turn of fate things could fall fast, I made my decision. Mike's mother had enough grief in her life, and I didn't want to add to her burden. I was well aware of me depriving her of her grandchild, but it was my decision and I did what I thought was best. I hated being a burden on others.

Four months had now pasted since Mike going into a coma. I had lost my boyfriend, his father, I found out I was pregnant and decided to keep the baby, I found out I was diagnosed with stage one cancer, and underwent treatment to get better. These were all big things, one after another, but while celebrating that night at dinner, I felt that unattainable _hope_ and it felt good.

_**Depression, Reflection, Loneliness**_

Before my surgeries, I had felt alone, no one was beside me. I felt helpless. The depression threatened to overwhelm me. The only thing I had in my life was my child and my cancer. I thought about my life and the events that brought me to this phase. I didn't have many friends, and I kept to myself after Mike's accident. I lost touch with everyone else.

For the first time in a while, I thought of Jasper and all that I had experienced without him. I still called on him in times of sadness and anguish. He had been my rock for so long and I thought about him then. Thinking of his smile and protectiveness was enough to bring a little smile to my face and a little light to my eyes. Our connection was still there. Even when he was in the recesses of my mind, Jasper was there. He unknowingly brought me out of my depression and loneliness . . . just a little more.

_Thanks Jasper_, I said silently in the special place reserved just for him, where no one could touch; not even Mike.

_**The Upward Turn**_

My surgery was going to help. I knew that as long as my baby was fine, I would be fine. I now lived for my little one – that's all that mattered.

_**Reconstruction and Working Through**_

After my surgery and receiving what I thought was good news, I was able to think more clearly. The surgery had worked so far, and I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. I knew this was only the first stage of my prognosis and pregnancy, but I was able to see some light at the end of the tunnel. My baby was fine, I was fine, and I could make some preliminary plans for the light at the end of my illusive tunnel.

_**Acceptance and Hope**_

These two words seemed to be synonymous with each other, but for me they weren't. I looked at _acceptance_ as just 'accepting' I had cancer. Understanding I had cancer and 'accepting' my fate. But, I looked at _hope_ as something tangible; real. I could almost reach out and touch it. Hope was the lifeline to my child. It is what got me up in the morning, forcing me to continue.

_Hope_ – that everything would be fine, that my baby would live a long and happy life, that my life would continue along with my child's, that I would be able to see my child grow and prosper in everything he or she tried to accomplish.

I had 'accepted' my cancer and my chances, but for the first time, while I sat at my celebratory dinner, I felt 'hope' and I allowed it to fill me up . . .

_and I smiled_.

…

Jasper's POV in the present

I was silent as Bella told me about her harrowing experience with her disease. My tears wanted to fall from my eyes, but they would remain there forever, unshed. I held her hand the whole time, grieving along with her as she experienced all of her emotions again. I didn't know what to say. All I knew was last night we chased lightening bugs, admiring their alluring beauty and this morning, she had cancer.

Bella had finally divested the last part of her story, before we came together again. Now, she once again ended with her having cancer. What the fuck did we do now?

"Why, Bella?" I heard myself asking. Something was growing in me, and nothing could stop it. She looked at me in confusion. I pulled my hand from hers and the hurt immediately came at me. For once, I blatantly ignored her hurt.

"Why what, Jasper? I don't understand your question." I hardly understood my own question, but my anger was making it more than clear as it built.

"You had enough faith in the memory of me to see you through, but why couldn't you tell me in person? What in the _hell_ compelled you to keep something like this!" I hadn't meant to snap, but I needed answers to the hurt and mistrust she placed in me."

"What was the point?" she whispered.

I studied her closely, wanting to see into her soul why she had lied. She gave much to me, but this was something I should have had from the beginning.

"The point, Bella, is I had a right to know. But it's like you say in regards to your life, 'when it rains, it pours buckets'. You had no reassurance it wouldn't return, yet you kept the truth from me . . . Why? What the fuck would have happened to Cheyenne if things had gone the opposite way?" Just thinking about my daughter's safety was enough to send me over the edge.

"Don't use her in your anger, _Jasper_!" Bella hissed. I could feel she was now worked up over the cheap shot I had taken. And even I could concede it was a low blow. "Cheyenne has always been my number one priority." Tears started to leak from her eyes. "I had contingency plans. I would never allow Cheyenne to come into a world where she was not taken care of. My will was created, and things set in motion. How could you ever accuse me of anything bad in regards to her?"

My hand reached out to her, trying to take back what I had insinuated and to wipe at her tears. It had been an underhanded statement. Bella didn't allow me to touch her and cringed at the gesture. I was shocked at her action. She had never turned from me, even when I had mistakenly kissed my ex.

Fear wanted to claw at me, but instead I became more destructive. I became mad again; she was once again denying me the opportunity to comfort. Why did she have to be so damn independent at times? There were times I wanted to strangle her fucking mother.

"Why, Bella?" I hissed again, wanting an answer to this fucked-up situation. It seemed like once we had something settled another thing came along. In that moment I didn't want to argue with my love, my arms begged to comfort her, but I righteously ignored it. My anger and hurt finally took precedence over her.

"Because, I didn't want you to treat me any differently. Okay, Jasper," she admitted in a whisper. "You have a tendency to coddle me, and think I can do no wrong. You see a healthy, beautiful, shining angel, and all that's left over is 'plain Bella'. It took me a while to learn the difference of how you really perceived me. It's what I tried to explain to you in my letters. I've struggled, Jasper, and I will always struggle. I'm a lot stronger now, but there will always be bouts of uncertainty. I know it was wrong of me, but I only ever wanted you to see me as what I thought your interpretation of me was."

I could feel the some of the anger dissipate at her hushed confession. "It's sad you thought of me like that, Bella," I admitted, a little hurt. "Perhaps on some level you were right, but you also sold me out. You never allowed me the chance to show you differently. You kept a very vital part of yourself from me. How can I trust there isn't more hidden?"

She then gave me a look that answered my question.

"So there is more," I sputtered in disbelief. What else could there be and how much more could my system take. Bella scoffed a little at my disbelief.

"Of course there's more, Jasper. You don't know every little intricacy of my life, as I don't know yours. I'm sure there are some things you have glossed over in your unsavory past, wanting to protect me somewhat from the horrors you've witnessed." I couldn't deny the truthfulness of her statement. I was guilty as charged. "You even confessed yourself – my innocence is one of the things you loved most about me. There is only so much I can compete with that innocence, Jasper. I make mistakes – and this is one of the biggest I've made," she conceded. "But you have to allow me room for error. I never should have withheld the truth from you!"

"You're right, Isabella," I hissed. She winced a little at the way I said her name in a cold whisper. "You lied, thus never allowing me the chance to show you differently!"

I had nothing left to say, and I feared what else wanted to fall from my lips. Without haste and only thoughts of her safety, I moved myself away from her and ran towards the door. Bella's yells of, "_wait . . . please, Jasper_," followed me out the door, but I didn't stop. I had to be away from her. I feared what my anger would cause me to do and feared how I would lash out.

In the time I had known Bella, I _never_ thought I'd ever run from her, and here once again, that bitch (_fate)_, proved me wrong.

One could _never_ say 'never'.

* * *

Author's Notes: Hello, lovely readers! Sorry for the delay in updating. Things have been really busy and hectic. I'm about to go out of town, so I'm trying to get everything ready for that. It seems as if it takes more work to go on vacation than it may be worth at times (LOL), but enough of my petty woes. To my fellow Americans, I hope 9/11 was one of peace and solace for you. It was a beautiful day for me and one of both tears of sadness and hope.

SO, NOW some of the questions were answered: what is wrong with Bella, and why she was so depressed and introverted into herself. It was also the reason she left for a time. We all deal with such adversity differently, and Bella needed to accept it (once again) and make things right in her mind. You may be mad at her, but she did what she thought was best (and don't for one moment think I agree with her . . . LOL. I was ready to tear that girl's hair out, with all the frustration she put me through.) The first time she mourned her situation she didn't have the luxury of dealing with her situation. She had a baby to protect and a disease to overcome. This time, she had the support of Jasper and the Cullen's. It may not have been right of her to retreat like she did, but it was what she needed. Anyway, sorry for the LONG explanation; just thought I'd put it out there. Feel free to ignore me . . . LOL.

Also – to those calling for a HEA – remember, there is a method to the madness, and know I won't let you down (*winks encouragingly*).

Hope all is well with everyone. Thanks to Calliso for the amazing help and opinions. It was much appreciated, darling. Thanks to those who also read, alerted and reviewed. Each is special, and I'm grateful for the encouragement! Much love, everyone!

_Posted: Thursday, 15 September 2011_


	34. Chapter XXXIII

Disclaimer: SM and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Chapter Thirty-Three**

"_Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love still stands when all else has fallen.__"_

_- Unknown_

27 June – Late Tuesday Night – Jasper's POV

Carlisle's number was already being dialed, even before I had a conscious thought to make the call.

"Where, son?" was his immediate response. I wanted to both rejoice and fall apart at his words. Was my life thus predictable that he knew my needs before a word from me was spoken?

"The After Cabin, Carlisle," I croaked through my heavy emotions. It was the place the family sometimes retired to after hunting. It was the place I had taken Bella on a date and played my cello to her.

The phone fell from my hands before crashing to the ground. Without thought, my body molded into a ball on the ground, as if trying to protect it from anymore hurt. I looked pathetic and pitiful, but it couldn't be helped. Time passed as I waited for my comforter to arrive. I was sick of this fucking trend, the constant weakness I showed in front of my mentor. The time had to come where it really ended, and for some happiness to abounded. There had to be a law of averages.

Gentle yet firm arms finally wrapped around me; I knew it to be Carlisle. He had come like promised. Immediately I could feel his remorse kicked in. As I fell apart, so did he. I hated him having to suffer on my behalf.

"Bella has cancer," I finally whispered aloud. The truth had refused to take hold in me. Until I had finally spoken the declaration, it hadn't seeped in. Carlisle said nothing, but continued to feel sadness over my situation. I couldn't even imagine the thoughts that raced through his mind. Family was everything to Carlisle, and this was one more calamity we had to endure.

"Don't feel sorry for me, Carlisle, just make it go away," I begged innocently. I knew there was no chance of that happening, but my father always made things better. It was his very nature, his own special gift. To me, Carlisle was above the rest; sans Bella.

"I do feel sorry for you, and I would do anything to take away such a heavy burden, but I cannot. There is something you also misinterpreted, son." I pulled away and gave my rock a searching look. His remorse started to increase. My instincts told me to fucking run, to spare myself something that couldn't have been good.

"What have I misunderstood?" I asked, trepidation thick in my voice.

"I knew of Isabella's ailment," he confessed, never taking his eyes from mine. I never knew such betrayal from him. And there was that fucking tainted word: _never_. Fate was using me like some washed-up whore, and I feared what would become of me after the bitch was done.

Anger, like the blazes of hell, scorched my entire body. It felt as if I was being changed again and Maria's venom was burning my insides. The only thing that had ever hurt worse was Bella's heart stopping. What was becoming of my life?

The CRACKING sound pulled me from the arcane fire and into the present. My hand stung from where I'd hit Carlisle across the face. His head whipped around at an alarming rate; the noise ricocheted off the walls of the cabin. He slowly turned back towards me; shock clouded my eyes, but understanding his. Once again, he proved how much better he was than me, than everyone else. However, in that moment I didn't want his fucking understanding, I wanted his betrayal to stop stinging.

As I went to go slap him again, his hand caught my forward motion in a vice like grip. I almost winced at the pressure he exuded on me wrist.

"I deserved the first slap, but you aren't entitled to another." His voice was iced over steel. "I'm your father and will fucking demand the respect that position holds!" His tone caused me some fear. "I refuse to give into your violent behavior. I know you are hurting, son. One doesn't need your gift to see the obvious. I mourn with you and the loss you are feeling right now. However, there is a limit. Slapping my face isn't going to make things any better, and it isn't going to take away the mistakes. Go and take care of your emotions, Jasper. You are more than entitled to that, but get your shit together. These are responsibilities you willingly took on."

I gave him a look that called him out on his sanity. I may have loved Bella, but that didn't give her the right to lie.

"I don't condone that Isabella hid the truth from you, Jasper, but she did what she thought necessary. We all make mistakes. I thought you'd be the first to realize that." I started to squirm under his intense gaze. "Just as I don't judge you, your mistakes, I give that same courtesy to all my children. Would you expect any less from me? Where would be the fairness in that, my son? I love you something fierce, Jasper, but I refuse to play favorites and cater to your violent whims.

Relationships are both good and bad. It can't always be roses and unicorn shit, Jasper. You must take the negative with the positive. I've never known you to run from a mistake or problem- and yes, I say _never_. You've skirted around it for a while, but somehow resolved it. I expect nothing less from you in this situation. You've taken on these responsibilities and challenges, son. It's time to live in a season of uncertainty. It's not easy, but with yours and Isabella's amazing love, you should prevail this season. It's time to live up to the responsibilities and make the best of the situation." He released his grip from my wrist but didn't drop it. He brought my shaky hand to his chest and placed it over his silent heart.

"It doesn't beat, Jasper, but that doesn't mean it doesn't feel. I love you, Isabella, Cheyenne, Esme, Edward, Rosie, Emmett, and Alice, more than could ever be defined. We have taken on our challenges together; I would have been no other way. My family is fucking everything to me. I cannot describe such depths with my words; they pale in such a blinding comparison. I know you hurt, my son. I share both of your burdens. Go – hunt and then return to your Isabella. Don't punish her more than necessary. Be upset for her lying, but get over it. She loves you like I love Esme." He gave me _that_ knowing look. "It's what you've always desired, son. She may have lied, but she is absolutely selfless when it comes to you. If you doubt her love, look at the most amazing gift she ever gave you." He didn't need to say it aloud. I already knew the answer.

"Cheyenne," we both whispered together.

Before I could respond, my father pulled me into his embrace and squeezed his love into me. Carlisle should have chewed my ass up for physically assaulting him, but he gave me his love instead. The guilt ate at me and would always. It was a low I should have never sunk to.

"I forgive you, always!" he whispered before pulling back. "I'll call Isabella and tell her you are safe. She's already called my cell phone several times." I simply nodded. His hand came up and stoked my cheek before he kissed my forehead and left me in silence.

It wasn't until the silence all but swallowed me that I finally realized, in the fight that Bella and I had, not once had she said Cheyenne was "her daughter" or "my child". She simply called her Cheyenne, never taking the correct ownership over her. Because when it was all said and done, Cheyenne was the daughter of her blood. Bella knew differently, she knew Cheyenne was also the daughter of my soul.

…

I decided to hunt. I needed to run and find some peace for my ever-racing mind. I was on a steep precipice, afraid of falling forever. I needed some release. The things she had told me about her life, had built up in me, fighting to become free from my literal skin. The anger, betrayal, and guilt burned the shit out of me; it left me stifling, feeling utter agony. I mourned in Bella's presence from what she told me, but it hadn't been enough. My stupid resentment had taken over, ending my bereavement.

After I realized the damage I was bringing upon her, I pulled myself in and bottled my emotions. I would deal with them later, and later I had. Once again it took the compassion and wisdom of my father to set my ass straight. My time was now here, and I readily allowed the release to fall. I had become somewhat complacent with Bella, keeping emotions to myself, not wanting to upset the fragile peace we had. It wasn't like she was always mentally available to me before she had left, anyhow. Now, my practice of keeping things to myself had fallen to the wayside. I had to instinctively reach far down and dust off my talent of silent emotional hell. However, it didn't bother me. I reminded me of the truth that had stayed with me for over a decade, Bella was worth anything. I may have been fucking pissed at her, but I would go to the end of all to keep her safe and protected.

I now pushed that truth away and let my other emotions have fair play. Yes, I loved Bella, but I was allowing myself to feel the release of extremely bottled anger, madness, lividness, sorrow, hurt, anguish, turbulence, unrest. All these things ravaged me, tearing my skin from the inside out. As the brutal cocktail of feelings tore through I ran for dear life. My mind was a raving mess, but the thing that stung the most was the fear and real possibility of losing Bella for good. The most important fact of our future had finally caught up with me: her mortality.

Without preamble, I finally found a wolf and took it down. I instantly snapped its neck, never wanting it to suffer for my tortured pleasure. I viciously sank my teeth into its neck, ripping the skin away. Hot, sticky, blood spurted into my mouth and dripped down my chin, mingling with the venom. I savagely sucked the very life source of the broken animal and felt the blood almost coagulate in my veins. Its life line became my own, feeding my restlessly agitated monster; my constant feelings of torment not really abating. I felt like this broken animal: dead, unresponsive, and unbalanced, with no life left to give.

Bella – my angel, had cancer. She had a fucking disease imbedded in her blood and organs that threatened her very life. It almost seemed like an oxymoron, her new status. As Bella breathe to survive and as she ate and drank to sustain her health, said illness took the very life she was trying to sustain. What a fucking irony, if there ever was one. I didn't understand how in the hell she could deal with such a thought? How could her mind focus on the positive, and try to disregard the poison in her body, slowly slipping her from this existence?

Those thoughts stirred in my mindscape, and my eventual break down finally came. With the thought of my angel having cancer, the possibility of her being lost, taken from me to another place I could never go, was unfathomable. I gathered the slain wolf in my arms and plunged to the ground. Deep, antagonizing body trembling attacked my person, and made me totally limp. I could move no part; every part of me was at the total mercy of my throbbing.

There – in the lonely twilight of my pain, with a dead animal crushed in my arms – I lamented my love. I no longer felt the icy chills of anger, but the antagonizing slow burn of heartache. I wept for her continued loss: for her fright of her demented step-father, for her lost childhood and the rest of her innocence that her step-father had taken, for her need of me over the years, for my absence in her life, and for the lost opportunities we could have shared.

All of these things had been beyond my control, but that notion didn't lessen my tribulation and guilt. Every breath and thought I ever had of Bella was filled with a longing, for only goodness to be placed in her life. Bella had experienced many short ends of sticks in her short life, and the fact that she could even smile, was a thought I had trouble processing. My mind became scrambled and I somehow needed to get control of the errant images.

In and out my breathing immediately started to do, my color mantra repeated in my mind's eye. I focused the calmness of the descendant night around me. My body started to release its coiled tension, allowing different parts of my locked body to move. The intense pain became alleviated, leaving in its wake a throbbing soreness in my tireless muscles; another cruel irony. I uncurled myself from the fetal position and relinquished my hold on the completely demolished, unrecognizable animal.

I placed a kiss on its destroyed face and silently thanked it for its untimely sacrifice. It was never fair that things had to suffer for my depraved actions. I rolled away from mangled carcass and lay on my back, focusing on the heavens in its glorious beauty. The stars were almost ostentatious in their beauty. Bella's beauty, while also sublime, was more hidden. Her natural shyness and unassuming gentleness only added to her eloquence.

When one took the time to actually look and admire, one was gifted with a beauty the stars couldn't touch. Billions had looked at the stars, at one time or another, but few ever had the privilege of looking at Bella. She was her name, personified. Her very soul and essence cried of her splendor, and I was fortunate to witness such a part of her. Venom steadily filled my eyes; I was just sad.

Life, in all its prestige, was never fair. I wondered if it ever would be. Some people were rich while others were poor. Some were beautiful, while others were average or simply faded into the background. Some were gifted with amazing talents, while others had more subtle gifts. Some had jobs and families, while others struggled on their own with no one to console. But I came to the infinite understanding that no matter how much one wanted to give everything to everyone, it wasn't possible. And even then, when one gave one the world, they seemed to want more. Thus was human nature and the balance was once again skewed. Until one relinquished all selfishness, nothing would ever be equal.

However, even in this equation there were those select few who were happy with what life afforded them. They may not have had the good looks, riches, and wildly successful moments, but they had enough to live on and enough happy moments they could cherish always. I wasn't among this select few, far from it. These were the people who always astounded me, and I counted Bella as one. While talking to me, she showed me her inner hope. She had suffered, but she knew herself to be blessed. Her cancer was out of remission, yet she was still an incredible, selfless mother. She had much love to give her little one. Bella may sound like a charlatan, an imposter who could never actually exist. But for those who thought such a notion fictional, they could simply fuck themselves. My angel was all of that and more, and it wasn't my biased opinion of her (well maybe some) that made her who she was.

My thoughts started to calm even more, and my breathing became even. I was finally able to bring the venom in my eyes to a standstill. My sorrow, although still present, had been spent and released. My inner monster was caged again, and my disruptive thoughts abated, giving way to more sane and logical thinking. Clarity had been restored. I would continue to have struggles, like my love, but I hoped with her presence in my life, I wouldn't have to face them alone. We would be there, hand extended, ready to catch the other if either of us failed. I had selfishly, always, wanted to be the center of Bella's world; I wanted her every thought to revolve around me. I wasn't ashamed to admit such a weakness. The girl was literally in my fucking soul, as was Cheyenne.

_Cheyenne _. . .

That was another thing I had to process. Bella had loved another and not just in the platonic sense of the word. She had fallen into a gentle love with someone she never even intended to ever fall for. I could sympathize with her in that aspect. Bella had come into my existence as a child, and like a whirlwind, had left just as quickly. She lit my world ablaze, never fully becoming extinguished. Her flame sizzled in me and spurred me to better myself. It was ultimately my decision to become better and to seek control, but I had painstakingly accomplished those goals with her borrowed childlike faith. She never got to witness my struggles and my subsequent control firsthand, but she was my literal living proof that all things were possible. She was my desire to do right and she had survived my crimson stained teeth. So I could definitely understand how Bella had fallen for Mike and his quiet, yet solid support of her. Our story was the same, except ours defined our very souls.

As my mind continued to churn with thoughts of Bella and Mike, I finally admitted my inane jealously. I wanted Bella all to myself, but Mike still held a piece of her, and rightly so. My main objective concerning my jealously was Cheyenne. Bella had every right to love whom she wanted. She had chosen Mike, and I had to accept her choice. The crux of the jealously was him as her daughter's biological father. I knew that baby loved me endlessly, but it didn't lessen his blood running through her tiny bluish veins. Bella's story once again reminded of me of that pained truth. I had unfairly accused her of being a bad mother (even if it was in a round-about way. The words had been spoken, never to be taken back). It tore at me to think of Cheyenne calling anyone else 'daddy'.

But then . . . Carlisle, yes, my humble father, reminded me of such a blessing. Bella had given me that gift. Cheyenne was my daughter, no matter how much Mike may have "donated" to her. He may have had part of her physical body, but her little soul was a part of me. It was evident every time she wrapped pudgy fingers around my skin. Our connection touched and my skin flared with heat. I realized that Mike would probably never have that connection with her. It made me feel sorry for him, but I was a selfish creature. Cheyenne _was my_ daughter!

It didn't matter who the biological father was, I already knew myself in love with the little beauty. The miracle of her life always fascinated me. I had known that child was going to be something special.

With my thoughts of my little Cheye beauty squared away, I focused on the mother again. Bella's words were correct when she said I thought her almost infallible. She could almost do no wrong in my eyes. It may have been unhealthy, but who the fuck cared. I loved that woman like no other. The fact that she had lied to me, so blatantly and kept something as important as her health from me was the true pain behind the anger. I had already burned when her heart had stopped beating, and she understood the depths of that hurt.

Time after time, I had reached out, asking for the truth behind her mental and emotional absence. And time and time again she refused to tell me. It hurt that she could look me in the eye and claimed all was fine. It rankled me like no other. Perhaps it was my pride and selfishness that caused such anger to erupt like some red-hot volcano. Bella should have never lied, and it wasn't right of her to lie to me continually, but I could now understand.

She was used to handling things independently. My limitless love and devotion to her could be scary at time. I knew that and she confessed that. When one added all the Cullen's and Rosie's devotion, it was enough to scare the girl shitless. Bella had low self-esteem, and even though she was better now, it was an uphill battle reminding herself she was actually worthy of such love. That fucking Renee had been a joke. Some children may have loved the freedom Renee had given to Bella, but it was not a way to rear a child. I understood that to be my own opinion, but she had done a fucking shit job with her daughter.

With everything overwhelming Bella and only knowing one way to handle such stress, Bella had to leave for a time. She could have taken Cheyenne with her, but realized she wouldn't have given my daughter the proper attention and devotion. Bella had entrusted me with her, and I had claimed her to be a bad mother.

I was still angry at Bella for her mistrust, and it would take time before I could fully trust her again, but I could also understand where she came from. When the pain and anger had a chance to subside, it was amazing the insight and clarity one could attain.

After feeling like I could finally manage myself and the grief, I stood up and examined my personage. I was covered in dried blood, dirt, and matted fur. My emotional battle was clearly displayed on me and I needed to head home.

I ran back to my car and halted when I thought of something. I reached into the glove department of my car, and pulled out a copy of my favorite book. Ages seemed to pass since I had read a passage in it. Every word may have been seared into my infallible memory, but reading the words again added to the emotion it invoked. I had read Shelly's journal many times, but I still loved to indulge. The copy I held was a little worn, but not too much. I took excellent care of it (even if it wasn't the original). I never had to worry about the oils on my dead fingers ruining the pages.

_Oh, small miracles_, I thought with a grim smile on my face. I turned to the entry I wanted and allowed myself to become lost in her world she painted with her words. She may not have been the most eloquent of writers, but she spoke to the soul of a person.

...

"_My store was taking longer to open then I originally intended. Why does it seem that the things our heart's desires most, are the very things that take the longest to become reality or kept away from us? It seems like when one is finally on the cuff or the brink of said reality we cannot reach the last inch. _

_Ugh . . . patience was never one of my strong suit, but fate sometimes seemed unusually cruel. Giving a preview of what one can have before yanking it back. I knew this wasn't always the case and I was being pessimistic, but I was restless. _

_When I had first gone to college, I already knew my bookshop would be a reality. I went with the intention of getting a Master's in business, coming home (yes, to my small town . . . LOL), and cutting that shiny red ribbon to my dream. Fate then decided to change my world. I met Brent and fell in love. He became the new dream, and my previous one was put on hold. After years of chosen devotion to him and our love, we were over and I was heartbroken, with only the hope of my bookshop left. I FINALLY got to work, and with much elbow grease and kissing ass at the local bank, I was a small business owner. _

'_Kiss my less-than-perky ass, Fate_,' I wanted to scream but refrained. _I was on my own yellow brick road of fate. I achieved my dream._

_As if I had somehow tempted the bitch, Fate had to play with my life again. My mother was taken from me. All things in my world stopped and only my heartache continued. I grieved for my fallen mother and my loss, but chose to never take the ruby red slippers_ _off. I started on my path again, with the intention of opening, finally. So after more patience I never had enough of (and still don't), this is where one finds me today, shit out of patience and even more money . . . LOL. In thinking about my mother, I was reminded of a time in my life when I was little and impatience for a ruby red bike (with kick-ass tassels on the handlebar and a banana seat). _

_I cried when I didn't get my most important wish. My mother looked into my little brown eyes, filled with tears, and gave more than just her lasting wisdom._

'_Sometimes, baby girl,' _she said_, 'you just have to deal with it. Not everything happens right when you want it to. There is a natural order to the world, and sometimes we have to respect that. I know it seems hard right now, but you always remember, honey, just because you don't have it now, doesn't mean you never will. Life just has to take its course. The world may seem stacked against you, but if you fight for what you want and stay your course, the dreams will happen. You may be too young to understand this concept now, but you will when you're older. Trust me, baby girl.' _

_My mother really knew what she was taking about. What was with mothers anyway? When we are young, she is our heroines, when we come into adolescence, she becomes the bane of our existence; so not cool and never with the times. Then oh, yes, we come into adulthood, and learn that the wisdom she gave us was more incredible than any shit we could read out there (fucking "Dr." Phil). For those who never had mothers or for those who were never able to be mothers, there were those like me who could pass on these little bits of wisdom. What else was I going to do, go to the gym . . . I think not._

_With the twist and turns of life, I came to realize my mother was right, perhaps not always, but a majority of the time._

_Things seemed to work out in the end." _

…

I came out of my Shelly induced coma, and took her words to heart. I would keep fighting; there was nothing left to be done. Life had given Bella her cards, and I couldn't exchange them, even if she wanted me to. Isabella was my angel, my friend, my lover, and incredible other half. I loved her. It was all so simple, and yet still so very complicated.

* * *

Author's Notes: Recently got back from vacation, with the sunburn across my nose and cheeks to prove it . . . LOL. It's nice getting away and taking a break from RL, but it is always there waiting when one returns.

Anyhow, sorry if this chapter seemed like a filler, I really tried not to make it seem like that. I thought Jasper deserved his time to vent. What did you think of Carlisle? I thought bomb-effin-shell. Everyone seems full of surprises. It was also nice to channel Shelly for a bit. It has been a long while, and I needed her brand of wisdom to make sense of this chapter. Also, please don't think this story will turn extremely morbid. It isn't planned as such. Even though we all go through terrible shit in life, we have to live in the moments we are given, and I plan on doing that with Bella.

Well, I'm off to read the reviews for last chapter. I haven't got a chance yet, I had to leave the laptop at home (*cried endlessly*). I may be irrevocably addicted to the damn thing. There will be about 40 chapters to this story – not including epilogues. Just an FYI . . .

Hope all is well with everyone and much love!

_Posted: Sunday, 25 September 2011_


	35. Chapter XXXIV

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended. There is a big cliffy at the end; just a warning.

**Chapter Thirty-Four **

"_Things are not always what they seem; the first appearance deceives many; the intelligence of a few perceives what has been carefully hidden..."_

_- Phaedrus_

28 June – Early Wednesday Morning – Jasper's POV

Silence filled the house as I entered from the garage. I hated when it was _that _quiet; it made my mind race and fill with nothing good. Would this be how my life would play without Bella in it? Would only silence fill my ears, soul and heart? Would I live in a world of grey, void of even shades of grey? The idea was unfathomable. It scared me more than Bella's sickness. There were ways around that, but there was nothing, no cure, to ever bring her back from the heavens. It was a place I would never be welcomed and a place that would refuse to give up Bella once they had attained her.

And then, color seeped into my vision and a slow, even heartbeat was heard. I didn't know if Bella was sleeping, but she was here and tangible. My footsteps carried me at vampire speed into our bedroom, and I immediately halted. My angel wasn't there. Soft wheezes could be heard from the cracked door leading to the bathroom. The door creaked as I pushed it back, taking in the sight before me.

Bella's little body was wrapped into itself, almost in the fetal position. Her hands were grasped around a towel; a semi-damp wash cloth was half-way on her forehead. It must have slid part way off as she moved in her sleep. She was a distressing sight to behold. The sickly smell was the worst; the acid was rancid and all but burnt my nose hairs. My hand came up to my lips, almost in an attempt to stop myself from heaving. I immediately stopped breathing, not having the stomach or fortitude at the moment to deal with that shit. I only had eyes for my love.

My knees hit the carpeted slate as my hands removed the rag from Bella's forehead. A startled breath came from her parted lips as she tried to sit up. I hadn't meant to scare her.

"Sorry, Isabella."

Tears filled her eyes and I wondered what I had done wrong. Before I even had a chance to ask, she was bent over the toilet, trying to heave her stomach from her throat and into the bowl. When the heaves became nothing but empty gags, I stood up and filled a glass full of water. I brought it gently to Bella's lips. I bit the inside of my cheek as I watched my little angel struggle to remain upright. How could I have ever left her?

"Slowly, Bella. Your stomach can't handle that much liquid instantly." My voice shook with suppressed emotions as I watched her lips pull back once she was done. Bella's shiny, orbs turned to mine and I could see myself reflected in them.

"What's wrong, angel? Do you need the hospital?" I knew my voice sounded frantic, but I had just learned of her death-defying disease. I still didn't know the intimate details of her prognosis.

"N-No, Jasper," she rasped. "I get sick because of the guilt. It's something I've always suffered." All I could do was give her a shaky nod.

"I'm sorry, so incredibly sorry," she cried. My lips turned into a sad smile as I pushed her matted, sweaty hair back and out of her face. I knew she was apologizing for more than withholding the truth from me. She was also apologizing unnecessarily for her appearance and smell. Damn, my heart was breaking at a rate quicker than it would heal.

I retrieved the rag from the floor and wet it in the sink. I flushed the smelly shit in the toilet and took in a breath. I tried not to cringe. I had smelt worse at the hospital. However, since this was from Bella, it hurt me more. Anything regarding Bella would affect me more.

I bent once again before the little angel and began to tenderly wipe her cracked lips. Bits of bile were wiped away while I shuddered from the state of her lips. I could only imagine what the acid had done to her throat if her lips were any indication. Her unshed tears finally fell from their confines and slid down her dirty face. Even in her condition I still thought her beautiful. Bella's eyes closed and little broken whimpers tore from her throat. I couldn't tell if they were from my ministrations or from her tired body.

"Do you want to brush your teeth, angel?" I asked, knowing it must have been terrible having such a vile taste in her mouth. Her eyes showed her love and gratefulness.

"Jasper . . ." she said, the inflection in her voice made it seem like a question. I just stared at her blankly.

"You called m-me Isabella before."

"I know, angel," I agreed, still not understanding what she was thinking.

"As if y-you were still terribly angry with m-me," she continued to stumble. Her eyes couldn't even meet mine. Her guilt slammed into me.

"I'm still angry, Bella, but I love you even more than that anger." I didn't want to have that conversation now, but she needed to be reassured that even with all her falsehoods, I would always love her. Nothing more in my life was closer to the truth.

She gave me a watery bob of her head, but said nothing further. Once I had gently helped her up and she washed her face and brushed her teeth, we made our way to the bed. I picked her up and placed her in the center. She sighed from the softness of the mattress. It hurt me that she had spent the entire night on the hard slate tiles; even if there was a bath mat over them. Her little body molded around a pillow as she hugged it close to her chest.

I buried my hands in her hair, gently rubbing her scalp. Bella's little moans encouraged me to continue. My lips pressed to her temple, the need to kiss her in that moment was great. It all but tore out my intestines, watching her in such a state. I reluctantly pulled back and moved to my side of the bed. I curled up on my side, facing her. Our heads were a foot apart and our eyes focused intently on each other. Her hand weakly reached out me; I eagerly took it into my larger one. My angel gave me a little smile. The guilt was still clearly written in her eyes, but it was manageable for now. I brought her hand to my mouth and kissed each warm finger before placing the palm on my cheek. Warmth flared on my cold skin. I closed my eyes at the beloved sensation. I couldn't lose her – I simply could not lose her.

"Why do you have such intense reactions to guilt, angel?" I asked her helplessly. My stomach twisted in knots when I saw and heard it. I wanted to gouge out my ears, just to stop the wretched feelings it invoked.

"It's always been like that." She shrugged her shoulders. My father was kind of like that, also. So I guess I can blame him." A wobbly smile touched the corners of her mouth. I could feel the beautiful love she felt for her dad. She didn't blame him for anything.

"For a time," she continued, and I nodded my head in encouragement. "My mother thought I was bulimic. She even sat me down before explaining how I shouldn't give into the social norms of how girls were expected to be. She said I should be my own person and do my own thing. Goodness, did she live that advise."I couldn't help the derisive chuckle that left my mouth. I wasn't that woman's greatest fan. "She didn't realize how much I was trying to gain her affection and attention. I thought I failed many times. I didn't want to be her middle-aged child, Jazz. I wanted her to need me in return." I suppressed the growl in my chest.

"Eternally her loss, angel." Bella nodded before scooting over to me, erasing the space between us. She burrowed into my chest and shook. I wrapped her securely into my hold, burying my face into the side of her neck.

_Would you ever allow me to bite you here?_ I thought.

Would she ever allow my venom to enter her veins, began to harden her body, and eventually stop her heart? They were all selfish thoughts, but things I truly needed. I rubbed little circles on the small of her back where her shirt had already ridden up.

"I'm sorry, Jasper!" her weak, scratched voice apologized once again. Venom burned my eyes as I listened to the pitiful voice of my little angel. I wanted to yell and break something at the unfairness of her life and of the situation. I hated that she had lied to me, make no mistake, but I loved her more. No matter how many things I could break, it wouldn't matter in the end because we would still be in the same situation, with us both apologizing and Bella's future uncertain.

"You should have told me sooner," I said, needing her to know that I didn't condone her lies. Her hot tears fell on my hand where it caressed her cheek. I touched my cheek to hers, wanting to share her tears. I hoped that all this was a terrible nightmare. But alas, I pulled back and concluded it wasn't to be; my cheeks were as wet as hers.

"I know, Jasper." She studied me for a moment. "You've always deserved better than me!" The sincerity of her statement finally sent me over the edge. I pulled her body even closer to mine before the sob tore through my body. Bella couldn't leave me, and I never deserved anything. My angel's voice was miserable. My head shook in denial.

Bella was so very wrong in her assumptions. She had defined my life in a time when I had nothing. She had given me her innocent perseverance when I lacked it the most. It had been her single-minded love and faith in me, which caused me to climb out of my despair and reach for that which was offered me. I may have put her up on a pedestal like she claimed, but she had deserved it. Even her skewed view of herself couldn't change that truth.

I found the strength to stem my agony and pulled back. I needed to be strong for her. We needed to be strong for each other. Once I was under control and pushed my emotions that wanted to entrap me into the recesses of my body, I asked the question I dreaded the most, the one that would define the next phase of our life.

"What's the prognosis, angel?" I was glad that my voice only shook a little.

"How could you tell my father before me? How could you not confide in me, also?" I hadn't meant to ask those questions, but they also wanted to be answered. The fact that she had told my father before me had stung more than I wanted to admit. It made me question the validity of her love to me, no matter how unfair that assessment was.

"He happened upon me when I had found out again." Once again I wanted to be mad at Carlisle. I wanted to rage at him for keeping something so very vital from me. I wanted to snap at my angel for her lack of faith in me. Bella's words broke me out of my mental rant and my anger that wanted to boil over. "Please, please, don't blame him, Jasper. It wasn't his fault. He pleaded with me to be honest, but I refused." I turned my face from her pleading, not wanting to see the truth written in her eyes.

Warm, little hands surrounded my face, turning it around. My eyes focused on hers, taking in the vivid green specks that seemed to dance in the murky depths. The possibility of never seeing them again all but ripped a gaping hole inside me. Venom flooded my eyes. "It's one of the things you respect most about him, Jasper, his willingness to respect one's decision and never hold it against them. I know you want to be mad at him for withholding something I begged him to. But how could blame him for something you admire the most in your father? It isn't fair, Jasper, and he shouldn't be held accountable for my selfish mistakes. Please, if you want to direct your anger anywhere, make sure it's at the rightful party, and that would be me alone!"

Her fingers caressed the bone under my eyes before she pulled back and directed her gaze out the bedroom window. I could feel both her fear and apprehension. I wondered if the fear was in me yelling at her or simply leaving her again. She had yelled at me to stop, but I had fled in the face of adversity. I was a fucking coward when it came to anything regarding Bella's mortality.

"I don't want to be mad at anyone, angel," I told her, trying to keep the anger and sadness from my voice, but it still leaked through. "Just tell me the truth . . ." Bella looked over to me, a sad smile lingering on her cracked and caked lips. My heart all but fell at the dilapidated image. I gathered up my courage, knowing that I was about to learn more of her truths.

* * *

…

Bella's POV from the past – 30 May – Tuesday Morning

"I'm sorry, Ms. Swan, but the Cancer has now spread to your other organs." Silence hung in the air like a bad first date. The awkwardness was enough to swallow someone whole. I had always known this to be an option, but to hear it actually spoke out loud was something different. No words could describe the shock, yet immense sadness that began to engulf me. Reality was a scary thing and often times, ugly. All I could do was nod my head. I was afraid if I opened my mouth, all of my emotions and feelings of utter anguish would come spilling out, with no way to stop the flow.

"There are several options available to you, Ms Swan –" he continued.

"Bella, please," I corrected, somewhat angrily.

I hated to hear him call me by my last name. It felt so cold and sterile. This was the person who iterated to me the very real possibility of my life ending, never existing again, yet he couldn't even call me by something familiar. It wasn't his fault, I knew, yet he was the one to deliver such blowing news. Who else was there to take the blame out on?

"Bella –" he amended. "We can remove the remaining ovary and the rest of your reproductive organs. We'll couple this with strong rounds of chemotherapy and radiation treatments."

I gasped out loud at his description. I hadn't thought it that bad. I couldn't even imagine the type of regime he was speaking about. This time I couldn't help the tears that followed the rules of gravity and fell listlessly down my skin.

"What stage am I in?" I finally asked, flatly, needing to know. My voice sounded as dejected as I felt. I must have been a pitiful sight. Some courage, from somewhere I knew not, returned to me as I looked my Oncologist in the face. His eyes gave the answer away before his lips even had the chance to move. "That bad, hmm?"

"Late stage, Bella." At least he didn't apologize. I never understood why doctors said sorry for something they hadn't caused or had no control over. Perhaps they were sorry about having to deliver such life-altering news. "There's always hope, Bella." I wanted to laugh at the silly platitude, but couldn't. My doctor's eyes conveyed the truth in his sincerest form of condolences. I felt as my head simply bobbed up and down, as if on auto-pilot. "Now the question remains how would you like to precede, Bella?" Such an innocent question, however, not in my circumstance.

Goodness, Jasper was right when he reminded me about the luck in my life "when it rained in my world, it poured buckets". It was another silly platitude that held so much meaning. My chest started to rise and fall as I contemplated the doctor's words. I could feel the terror and sadness welling up inside. It felt like with one deep breath my chest would combust. The first sob thundered through my chest. I quickly placed my hand where it hurt the most and pushed in. Thankfully, I was able to stop the water from overflowing in my eyes.

"May I have time to think about my options?" I asked quickly, not sure when I would eventually break. It was already more than painful to speak. The doctor handed me the ever present tissue on his desk; I gave him a small meaningless smile. I had no other emotion to give to others without breaking. He gave me an understanding look. I wondered how often he had to give such news and how he had built up such a resistance.

"Of course, Bella, I shall be available throughout the week. Please, be sure to take no more than that. The sooner we start treatments, the better." Once again, I nodded before scooting my chair back and making my way to the door.

"Thanks for everything!" I whispered thoughtfully, meaning every word deeply. He simply nodded and I closed the door gently behind me. He had nothing left to give me.

…

Different voices filled the silence around me as I sat on a hard bench. Conversations of all topics were taking place, but the only thing that really captured my mind was the words I had always feared. Doubt had built up in my mind over the weeks, almost convincing myself that I was fine. I laughed at the irony. My body had known better and told me accordingly. I only wanted to live in denial.

Jasper had begged me to go to Carlisle, but I already knew the truth. Even Carlisle wouldn't have been able to help. I didn't have a simple cold that could be cure with soup, rest and plenty of liquids. My illness went much deeper.

The first tear slipped over my lower lashes. I quickly wiped it away, not wanting any evidence of the truth. Jasper often said that fate was a bitch, and I simply laughed at him, not in a mocking tone, but in understanding. Now fate was laughing at me. There had always been a possibility of my disease returning, but I put it from my mind. There was nothing I could do. And then . . . then . . . Jasper had come into my life. I became happy and almost complacent with Jasper; allowing his love to shelter me from the things that meant me harm. Nothing could ever capture me in his embrace, but his love. What a delusional world I had existed in. It had been the ultimate catalyst that had eventually caused me to leave.

I had to get my mind and emotions right. The first time around, I never had the luxury of wallowing in my pain and bad luck. I had a daughter to take care of and no one to lean on. With Jasper, he provided everything I had needed. I was allowed to wallow and lose myself in grief and self-pity. Hearing the news first-hand and knowing for a surety my cancer was back, I needed to go. Things needed to be made right with me.

But even knowing the truth didn't lessen the pain. The hope I had felt the first go around was severely lacking.

"Isabella," I heard over the white noise of the hospital and my turbulent thoughts.

And once again – fate smiled down on me. I wanted to shrivel up and fall into a hole. Of all the times to be caught . . . I smiled at the irony. Without anything else to do or deny, I looked up and into the eyes of Jasper's father.

"Fancy seeing you here, Papa Carlisle," I jested pathetically, trying to inject some humor into my voice. His smile at seeing me immediately turned into a frown at hearing my voice and looking into my broken face.

"What's wrong, little love?" his caring voice asked me. I was surprised that he called me by Cheyenne's nickname. It wasn't until later that I had learned it'd been my nickname first and something he had called me at one of my lowest points in life. Perhaps it was fitting that he had found me, just like at my father's funeral. If Jasper didn't catch me, it seemed like Carlisle was next in line.

"Could we go to your office, Carlisle?" I tried to give him a smile, but even I wasn't that good of an actress. My voice was paltry at best, allowing Carlisle to see past my lousy attempt at making things appear fine.

"Sure, Isabella," he answered, his voice soft as always. It was so rare when his voice wasn't one of comfort. "Follow me, little love." He quickly got up and extended his hand to me. My trembling smile was one of gratitude as I looked up to him, grasping his cold hand in mine.

Once we entered his office and he closed the door, all of my emotions that had been begging to be released, rose to the surface. They threatened to suffocate me with their immeasurable pressure. All I could do was fall to the pressure and allow it to consume me for a time, or else it would have consumed me alive. I feared that I wouldn't survive if they didn't escape.

"Die . . . disease . . . not long . . ." were the broken responses that left my mouth through my excruciating sobs.

Something pulled me from behind and hoisted me up. Hardness met my back as the same hardness wrapped around my arms that were bunched up on my chest.

"It's going to be fine, little love," the hardness cajoled me, not really knowing the reason for my breakdown. "Do you understand, Isabella?" Arguments rose up in my mind, screaming 'it wasn't okay' and 'nothing would ever be fine'.

_You simply don't understand_, I yelled internally.

"Talk to me, Isabella," it pleaded in my ear.

I didn't know what to say or how to even answer. Time passed; the tick-tock of the clock sounded roughly in my ear. It now seemed to mock me, as if counting down the seconds I had left to live my life, kiss my daughter, smile with Rosie, love Jasper with everything in me. So much time I had wasted, living in my emotions, letting the darkness of my mind take me to unreachable places my family couldn't come.

With each moment that passed, something hard soothed my back. Comprehension started to seep into my mind again, pulling me from the steep fall over the cliff. The hard thing turned out to be Carlisle; he rubbed gentle circles on my back as he allowed me to fall to pieces. I sniffed and wiped my eyes with the crumpled tissue wad in my hand. Carlisle laughed a little at the disrepair of the tissue before offering me a hanky. I should have guessed he carried one around. Carlisle was old world, and oddly beautiful in his mannerisms.

I scooted from his lap, giving him a sheepish smile. I was a little embarrassed from my breakdown. I took a seat on the comfy couch next to him as I wiped my eyes from the salty residue of tears. The pain was still awful, but some pressure had been released.

When a silence settled around us, I looked overto the creature that had become my father in every aspect of the word. He may not have contributed his DNA, but the affections he showered onto me were more than evident of how he thought of me. Papa Carlisle had his own place, deep within my heart.

"Tell me what happened, little love," his soft tone washed over me. And with those simple six words I found myself spilling the secrets I had kept hidden. Tears accompanied each syllable that left between my moving lips.

After I was done, Carlisle gave me that sad look that I knew would be there. It didn't take a genius to know what he would think.

"Please, Isabella, I'm asking you to concede your decision, and tell Jasper. Allow him to help you through this. He adores you, little love, and only wants to be in your life. Don't wait to tell him, darling, let him know now. Both you and he deserve to work this out – as a couple and as a united front!" Before I could stop myself, I took Carlisle's words to heart and listened to his plea_. _

I understood where he came from. Jasper did deserve to know the truth, but how could I tell him. How could I stand to see him watching me as if I were a broken doll or a disappointment? How could I stand to see in his face the very thing that was plastered all over mine; anger and agony? Where was the fairness to Jasper? He had never signed up to take care of an invalid and her child. So many thoughts ran through the course in my mind, one as outrageous as the next.

"I can't," was my simple, yet completely complicated answer.

"Is this the reason you've been fighting so much lately, Isabella?" Carlisle boldly asked, but in a soft voice.

The question took me by surprise. My eyes narrowed in a fierce look. I didn't understand what gave him that right to ask such a question. I also realized, in the very next moment, I had been taking out my emotions on him unfairly. There was no reason to treat the gentle doctor in such a manner.

I bowed my head and started to silently cry again. The guilt I felt so intensely was rightly placed. I had speculated for weeks about my condition, but refused to acknowledge my situation. Jasper continued to push and push me, wanting to know what the matter was. I refused to tell him, and refused to believe that lightening could strike the place twice. More than anything, I felt like a frightened child, unsure of his or her situation, no safety net to catch my inevitable fall. Maturity and rationality weren't strong factors in a person's decision when one was scared (at least in my situation).

"Yes, Carlisle." I finally lifted my head, waiting to see his rebuke. "I didn't know how to tell him. How does one tell their love that they're going to die? How does one tell their love that cancer (there – I said the hated word aloud) is in the body and eating away as one's body fights for one to live?" My fingers started to weave painfully in my hair. It was as if I was trying to make myself believe that all this was true and not some terrible dream playing out in front of my eyes. "How, Carlisle?" I begged, wanting him to fix me. Jasper always proclaimed his father the best. "How, CARLISLE!" I screamed, not being able to take anymore. My hands started to pull at my locks, wanting the cancer out of me. Perhaps if I bled it out then I would be fine once again.

Strong manacles griped my wrist, trying to pry my hands from my hair without any more damage. "Isabella," I heard whispered above me, but I shook my head.

"NO," I yelled, trying to pull my hand away and scratch my skin.

There was so much built up in me with no possible release. I needed the feelings of depression, hatred, anguish, pain and utter failure out of me. Scratches in my arms would have given the emotions a proper release.

"OUT, out, Carlisle, I WANT it OUT . . ." I screamed, my unstable voice sounding like it was ripping my throat to shreds. "PLEASE – please, get it Out."

Before I could fall on my face, cold arms surrounded me, pulling me in. I buried my face in the cold marble slab that was his chest, and let go of all the emotions. There was nothing else left but to truly face the truth and allow it to fill me up.

"I'll tell him Carlisle, eventually," I finally conceded as the smoke cleared and revealed the unforgiving truth. "I have to take care of myself first. How can I tell and expect Jasper to accept it if I can't even do that myself?"

* * *

…

Jasper's POV in the present (Italics are Bella's POV from past)

"After my talk with Carlisle and in the three weeks that I was gone," she continued in her scratchy voice, "I decided not to undergo treatments. After doing my own research, talking to more doctors, going under a battery of test, and even having Carlisle get a second opinion, the prognosis was still bleakly grim." I finally gave her an unsteady nod.

"I didn't want to live out the remainder of my life like that: tethered to some machine, not knowing if the treatment would even work in the end, having to go through more surgeries, enduring massive amounts of pain for an uncertainty. I have since talked with Carlisle, and he's helped me to see my options. I haven't been the nicest to him, Jasper, yet he has withstood my attitude with patience and acceptance." I could hear the awe and love in her voice and it was something I could empathize with even without my gift. That still didn't stop the jealously building in my chest. "There's really only one clear choice."

"_No disrespect, Carlisle, but I already know about the complications of my disease. I thank you for taking the time and the energy to caution me, but this is the way I feel it has to be. I don't want Jasper, after all of his hard work and dedication over the years to ever feel as if he has killed another person. I want him to feel like he's saved me – which he has done, ten times over. You see, I love Jasper as I love no one else." Carlisle gave me his understanding through the phone, his voice was laced with it. I had seen his love for Esme, and it was glorious to behold. _

"_There is no comparison or distinction in my love for him. If there were any other way for me to spend my eternity with him, without his having to bite me, I would take it, even if I had to burn for a year straight. I never want to cause him any pain. But seeing as there is no other route I have made my decision, and I please ask you and everyone else involved to respect my choice." Carlisle was silent, but I had pleaded with him. His soft sighs over the phone told me of his softening. He may not have agreed with my choice, but like the astounding being he was, Carlisle allowed me to choose._

"_Well, my dear, you seem quite determined," his voice dripped in sadness. I nodded, knowing he couldn't see me. _

"_I also understand and will respect your wishes. I have watched you and my son in your time together, and I am still dazed at the change you have wrought in him. Jasper has been happy over the years, Isabella, and his love for the family is evident. However, I knew there was something missing, a piece of him that was lost. I knew that piece was returned when we met. My son has become something I have always wished for him, Isabella: simply himself." I sighed softly at his eloquent words. I wished the same thing for my love. _

"_He has much potential, and, over the years, he has reached that potential. But with you finally coming back into his life, he has released said potential. I have marveled at him. He is also a father, and loves Cheye with something fierce. My quiet joy in watching him with her is something I could never explain. It has made me love him all the more, and that's something I thought impossible, because my love for him is already so full. But I was happy to have been shown differently." I sobbed into the phone. How could Jasper not have flourished under Carlisle's love? I knew he attributed Jasper's change mostly to me, but he was wrong. Carlisle loved Jasper like me, unconditionally. _

"_I also love you, little love. You, Isabella – coming into the family – added a whole other dynamic. We were blessed before you came and are even more blessed to have you among the Cullen's. You bring love and much acceptance into our lives. You show us how to be better, and love without restraint. I love you like a daughter, Isabella. For you see, you are my daughter; a very beloved daughter."_

"What are you saying, angel?" I asked, my voice filled with trepidation and an underlying hope. I quickly sat up before caressing the silkiness of her skin. Her eyes closed at the touch and a hot tear rubbed into my finger. I hadn't meant to break her out of her past memories, but my need to know was all consuming. She had to be talking about her being changed into a vampire. This had been one of the things I wanted to know with my very soul.

"Are you going to allow me to change you, Isabella?" I finally asked, mustering up the courage. My face must have shined with a joy that I hadn't felt in a while. I looked into my girl's deep, murky eyes, memorizing the green that almost disappeared in the fathomless depths.

"No, Jasper," was her scratchy reply.

* * *

Author's Notes: Okay, loves, no hisses, and absolutely no bitching me out . . . LOL. I know I left you lovely readers with a big cliffy (that sounds terribly dirty), however, I will be posting again within a few days, and that is the honest truth. The chapter is all but written.

So other than the fact you would like to ring my neck (don't get an ideas . . . LOL) what did you think of the chapter, and I don't only mean the very end? I loved how tender Jasper was with Bella. Even though he is spitting mad at her, his care and endless love cannot be swallowed by said madness. Wouldn't we all be lucky to have such an amazing partner in our lives (*sighs happily*).

Anyway, thanks for the reviews for last chapter, loves. They always make my day. I hope all is well with everyone! Much love to all!

_Posted: Saturday, 1 October 2011_


	36. Chapter XXXV

Disclaimer: SM and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Chapter Thirty-Five**

"_Those things which are precious are saved only by sacrifice.__"_

_- David Kenyon Webster _

30 June – Friday – Jasper's POV

"Carlisle," I begged as we sat in my father's study. How could I always turn into such a little child while around him? What quality did he possess that made all of us want him to fix everything? Perhaps it was never-ending patience and support, regardless; I wanted him to make everything right. "Can't you change Bella's mind, _please_!"

I could read that emotion in his gaze: he wanted to make things right for me, taking away all my pain and heartache. He wanted to provide me with only happiness, but he knew it would happen. Venom filled his right eye as he looked away; failure was running off him in waves. It never got easier for him.

"Jasper, you know I cannot." His voice held defeat. Like Bella, he understood her decision and supported her, just as he had done for me years previous. "We have our free will, Jasper, and I cannot take that away from her – even for you, my son." His eyes were filled with tender love.

My head fell down, weighed down by Bella's decision and my inability to change her mind. Next to me, I could hear her choking sobs. She knew how I felt, but the girl could be stubborn when pushed. I had to admire her tenacity, no matter how much I wanted her to bend to my will.

"Isabella," Carlisle spoke softly, there was hardly any room left in his office, emotions were thicker than solid mahogany. "Will you not change your mind?"I was amazed that he could hold all the feeling from his voice. I knew what Carlisle wanted for Isabella, it reflected my own desire, but he completely withheld it. His inflection was natural, if not a little strained. I knew it was years of being a doctor and practicing bedside manners that had perfected his professional voice.

"We've discussed this already, and I stand firm." He nodded in understanding. Carlisle would not ask again, no matter how much I pleaded for him to. It would make no difference in the end; I could feel Bella's devotion to her resolution. "Could you leave us, Carlisle?" I could feel his unease with the situation. I hadn't been the most stable of people, and he didn't want to leave Bella with me. I wanted to growl at his feeling, but withheld. I couldn't fault him in wanting to protect her. My father had a very soft spot for her. I gave him a quick shake of my head, telling him that I would be fine and controlled.

When we had first arrived in Carlisle's office, I lashed out at Bella. However, no matter how much I had yelled and raved for her to change her mind, she sat still, taking my abuse and scorn. I didn't know where she found the strength to weather my temper tantrum. She just gave me sad smiles.

"Of course, little love. I shan't be far." He then turned to me before releasing his emotions. It was his silent conversation.

_Don't_ _make me regret this decision_, his emotions said. I gave a stiff head shake. He let out a shaky breath, gave Bella a reassuring smile, and quit the room.

Before I could even contemplate what to say, Bella dropped out of her chair and kneeled before me. I went to go catch her, but she just lifted her hands. She halted my actions. I sat back down, reluctantly, trying not to huff like a little brat. For the first time since we had arrived at the Cullen's, she cracked a smile. Her hands came to rest on my upper thighs. Tingles erupted over my skin at the seemingly innocent touches. My angel's face was flushed; her cheeks were painted with crimson. Her little fingers rubbed my thighs as she drew in a deep breath. I wondered, morbidly, how many breaths she had left.

"I never wanted to be a burden on you, my love," she murmured tenderly. I went to refute her statement but she shook her head. My face morphed into one of rout. "After you told me of your past and how much you had fought to obtain control, I promised myself to keep you pure in that respect. How could I, ever in good conscious or love, ask you to end my life?" she pleaded desperately. Each word she spoke was infused with distraught. I didn't have a reply for her this time. I could understand where she was coming from.

Bella understood that thing that had plagued me for decades: the deep and abiding struggle with my internal demon. She had never wanted to be the reason or cause of a relapse.

"But I love you," I argued pathetically. And like I knew she would, she threw the same argument back at me.

"As I you, Jasper, but what makes your love greater than mine? What makes your decision more important or meaningful than mine? Yes, you have the capacity to feel more, quantitatively, as a vampire, but I still love you, too; with everything inside me." Fucking hell, I could not argue that with logic.

I could rant and scream, "_But I'm a vampire, I'm older so therefore know more_." Those were inane arguments that had no bearing on her personal free-will to choose. My hands fisted in my hair, wanting to pull the curly locks out with all my might. I hated this fucking emotional anguish.

Bella surprised me by pulling my knees apart, scooting closer even still to me, removing my hands from my hair, and kissing each finger individually. Warmth spread through my entire body, I quivered from the sudden change. It was a glorious rush. My angel surprised me once more by putting her wrist at my mouth and waiting for me to take action. She was waiting for me to bite her. When I didn't respond she spoke.

"I'm not as strong as you, Jasper." I nodded dumbly. "That gives you the power to take my decision away. Could you do that to me, completely disregard my not wanting to be changed and then skin your razor-sharp teeth into me?" Her voice shook with the scared feelings she had.

I didn't know what she was scared of, but I was also terrified. Many times, I had thought of doing just that, taking her life by force, but always back downed. She was right; I never had that right to take her life without permission, no matter how much l loved her with everything in me. My love for her threatened to consume me at times, but I always welcomed the change.

"Why?" I asked again, already knowing what her answer would be. Bella pulled her wrist from my mouth, but I stopped her. I inhaled deeply before allowing my wet tongue to taste the fragile skin. _The damage my teeth could do_. My demon all but crooned at the thought. Bella whimpered in delight. No matter our problems, she still enjoyed my touch immensely.

"Because . . . I want to wait till the very end to be changed, Jasper. I don't want you to ever regret taking my life. I want it to happen naturally, so no one could ever blame you for ending me." The argument could have been called insane, ridiculous. But, I knew it to be sound. I just didn't want Bella to suffer.

"You already have enough in your life to atone for, my love, and I don't want to be one of those things. It was as I told Carlisle: I don't want you to kill me, but save me. That's _why_, Jasper. Because when my heart stops from my body being weak and frail, it will be your venom that brings me back. You wouldn't have "killed" me, Jasper, but gave me eternity. Does that make any sense?"

It made perfect sense, but that didn't mean I had to like her decision. The girl was a fucking martyr to her last breath (literally). She had always put me above herself and I had the audacity to call her selfish. She was better than me in every way imaginable.

"I don't want you to suffer," I mumbled weakly, grabbing her hand and molding it around my cheek. She sighed.

"That is going to happen regardless, my love. The burn of the venom will see to that." I knew she didn't say that to be cruel but realistic. I felt myself falling even more into her logic.

"What is a little more pain along that journey," she tried to joke, but I growled. I didn't like her making light of her pain. She stroked my cheek gently. "It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. I cannot have you seeking absolution for my eventual death, Jasper. It is inevitable. At least with the Cancer, it's nature's way of taking me, almost as if it realizing the enormous decision I would have to make. I have Cheyenne and I understand the first year to be _very hard_. I'll be nothing but a blood-thirsty machine. That would be a difficult decision for me to make, Jasper. Between becoming a vampire or staying human for my daughter; just so I can be around to raise her. Now, however, that decision has been taken. Nature has made the choice, and I will hold my chin up and walk calmly to the end. You know why, my love?" she asked, tears glistening in her orbs. I just stared at her glorious face, already know the response.

"Because . . . you'll be there to save me." Her voice fluttered straight to my unbeaten heart.

I couldn't stand the separation any longer. I hauled her into my lap and crushed her into my embrace. Her salty-water splashed onto my neck and I welcomed the warm tears. They were my cleansing.

"Till I exist no longer, angel," I whimpered over her lips. Salt mixed in with our combined taste as I devoured her lips. Her moans and gasps filled the air in Carlisle's study. We both pulled away, lacking oxygen. "Every cell in my body exists for you, my love." My lips brushed over every inch of exposed skin on her neck and collarbone.

"C-Can you accept my decision, Jasper, even if you don't fully understand?" Her voice was breathy, and I knew my lips were having a major effect on her lungs. I halfheartedly pulled back, breaking the delicious contact.

"Yes, Isabella," I conceded. "A martyr to the very end, hmm, my love?"

"Only for the most worthy of causes," she spoke with conviction. And once again she had bested me with her response, and I was completely floored. "It will only be the end but for a moment. Your venom will soon coat my veins, and we will no longer be separated." That was the only thought that was getting me through this period.

…

"Hello, my darling," Bella cooed at our daughter. Pudgy, flushed cheeks touched Bella's lips as she kissed Cheye. Mother and daughter cuddled on the couch in the living room. Carlisle and I watched them with a sad sort of smile touching the corners of our mouths. I could see the moving understanding written in his amber gaze. I could only imagine it reflected my own perfectly.

Cheye continued her baby babble in between her little yawns. She had just woken up from her nap and surprisingly demanded Bella's arms. She usually wanted me after waking up, but I rejoiced, internally, that Cheye had chosen her mother at that point. It gave Bella hope and even more of a fighting cause; not that our love wasn't enough.

The front door finally opened and in walked Esme, Rosie, Emmett and Edward. I immediately guarded my thoughts. Edward would find out with everyone else. I moved my eyes over to Bella and watched as she clung to our daughter a little tighter. Cheye, seeming to understand her mother's needs, buried her little face in her neck and snuggled in closely. The heart strings pulled hard at the hauntingly beautiful image.

"What's wrong?" Rose immediately asked, her voice quavered a little. She was never one for patience, not that I couldn't blame her. When Bella and I had first arrived, after seeking Carlisle out, he had ordered everyone to leave. Now that they were back, the truth was about to be released. I shook from the fall out.

Bella inhaled deeply and kissed our daughter's neck. I knew her to be taking comfort from our little beauty.

"Carlisle." Rose turned her attention to him when her question went unanswered.

Edward took his usual spot by the door that led into his piano room, standing on the periphery. He would run to that instrument. I understood it; however, it gave him comfort and who was I to scorn that. Esme was seated next to Carlisle, wrapped in his sure embrace. She already had unshed venom on her eyes. I had always wished she could cry. I hated that the venom stung her forgiving eyes. Emmett and Rose were seated together across from Bella and me. Rose was on the edge of the couch, and her husband had his arms around her waist. It looked like he was trying to hold her from falling off the edge; and damn, did I hope he had a good hold.

"Darling," Esme questioned next, studying her lover intently.

"We have some news," the head of the family finally spoke. "Choices have already been made, and I implore you to accept them. This family has weathered some astounding things, and we will continue to do so. This won't be the last challenge we shall ever face as a family." He stopped abruptly. I knew he had to gather his emotions.

Edward did not understand. He knew both Carlisle and I were protecting our thoughts. There was no possibility of him reading my angel's. Emmett was also feeling confused, but it didn't radiate as deeply as his wife. That didn't signify he didn't care, just that he was lost in the explanation. Esme was starting to panic. She knew that her husband didn't bloviate, so when he cautioned us, it was of a most serious nature. Rose was the worst. She was almost at a full-blown panic. She may have looked in control, but I knew she was about to fall emotionally. My angel was her best friend, the person who had loved her from the start, no questions asked. She would fall almost as much as I had.

Rose ignored everyone this time and turned her glassy gaze on her sister. She had known all along that it pertained to Bella.

"Bella, please, I can't take this anymore. Tell me, sister." Her voice held the raw emotion that was swirling around the room. Edward's shock hit me hard. He only thought Rose as vain and self-centered. Even though she was those things, there had always been more to her. Bella had seen it from the start. I could only imagine what Edward was thinking and how our sister looked in that moment: emotionally exposed.

My angel kissed our daughter lovingly once more before getting up and handing her to Carlisle. The room was evocatively silent, only filled with the sound of Bella and Cheye's heart thumping out of sync. I held onto those sounds, especially Bella's. I knew hers were shortly numbered.

Edward gasped, and I fucking kicked myself for slipping.

"Please, Carlisle, take her upstairs," she begged. Things were heating up.

"What's wrong?" Rose questioned again, this time she sounded like something someone scraped from the ground. I was suffocating under everyone's emotions. They weighed on me greatly. Bella pulled away from Carlisle and waited until he was upstairs before walking over to Rose and kneeling in front of her. She had done the same thing to me. It was as if she were in supplication.

I looked over at Edward and could see he was also about to be torn down. He was in shock. Emmett's arms tightened even more around Rose. I feared he was the only thing keeping her from falling off the couch.

"R-Rosie," Bella stammered. Her lips were already shaking. Salt filled the air as her tears fell. "I have c-c-cancer." Both Esme and Rose inhaled deeply. I was surprised they hadn't ripped their lungs open with the force in which they inhaled. Esme fell to the side of the couch, she started to sob uncontrollably. Edward ran over to her and pulled our mother into his unsteady arms. Bella shot her an apologizing look, and I broke for my love. She had nothing to be sorry for. It was the nature of this world.

"NO, BELLA!" Rose yelled before throwing herself into her sister's arms. My eyes were filling at an alarming rate; the burn had my sockets scorching.

…

Bella's POV

My arms were instantly filled with my sister, my best friend. I had known that it was going to be painful telling Rosie, but I had grossly underestimated the agony it would be. I landed on my butt as Rose crashed into me. I welcomed the embrace, cherishing the times we had spent together as sisters. My hands became tangled in her hair as I pulled her closer to me. Both of our bodies shook in unison. I not only cried for me, but for Rosie's heartache. I never wanted to disappoint her, and here I had torn her down. I would never have thought I would see the strong and impervious Rose fall to anything. It wasn't that I didn't think she had that deep capacity. That wasn't the issue at all. I just always saw her as strong, able to weather anything the world threw at her. I envied her like that.

I winced through my tears as she slumped even more against me. Her sobs had not abated, but seemed even worse. I moved my legs so they weren't so squished by her weight. Once they were placed on either side of her, I was able to adjust more comfortably. I pulled her head down to my shoulder and pushed her hair back from her face. Rosie's cheeks may not have been flushed from her sobs, but they were incredibly wet from my own tears. My shaky right hand wiped at the grimy water. It was how I had always pictured my mother holding me if I had needed such comfort.

My sister continued to mumble, "Not Bella, please, not my sister." It was exceedingly more pain to watch her than when I had even found out. It wasn't me breaking down, but my best friend. She was sobbing on my behalf about the "unfairness" to which she thought I had been given.

"Shh, sister," I tried to sooth. "It'll be fine." It was the mantra I kept repeating to myself.

Eventually, she pulled back and looked at me with a variety of emotions. There was the ever present sadness that lingered in my life and the regret on my behalf. But there was also something there that I'd prepared myself for: betrayal.

"Why?" she asked. I knew with no trouble what she was asking. It had been the same question that had fallen from my love's lips.

"Because, Rosie," I told her seriously, making sure to look directly into her eyes. I placed my hand on her hard, stone face. "It was inevitable. I loved everyone too much to want to be a burden. But, more than anything, I needed to make things right in my head and heart. I couldn't expect everyone else to understand when I couldn't even make heads or tails of my own situation."

"I thought I was your best friend, Bella? I thought I was a good enough friend to make you comfortable with telling me anything? Have I failed you, too?" I was taken aback. I hated the vulnerability I saw in her eyes and being the cause for exposing her in such a way.

"Rosie, please," I begged desperately. "You haven't failed me in anything. No fault lays with you, sister. It's a-all mine," I told her empathically. I needed her to understand _that_ truth.

"I need to . . . I need t-to . . . I'm sorry, Bella," she cried before jumping out of my arms and running from the room. I was completely stunned by her _sudden_ departure. My arms were still held in a lose circle around me where she had been, and my legs were spread out. My back slumped at the shame and emptiness I felt without her.

I stared stupidly at the opened front door.

Jasper's arms encircled me from behind as he buried his face in my hair. "She loves you, Bella," he whispered reassuringly to me. "She just needs time." I nodded and continued to look out the door.

Esme's little sobs were the only thing that worked through my broken world for a while.

…

"Sorry you're dying, sister?" Emmett said bluntly. It was the first thing said in a while. Or perhaps, it had been longer to me, the only human.

Esme gasped at the crudeness of the statement and Edward sighed, but I couldn't help it, hysterical laughter bubbled out of me. It was the reason I loved him so very much. My brother could bring levity to any grim situation.

"I'll be well in the long-run, Emm," I reassured him through my subsiding giggles. Tears of both mirth and sadness leaked. Jasper tightened his grip along my waist. Emmett's trademark mega-watt smile lit up the room.

"Don't think this means I'll go easy on your sick ass. The war continues, Bell." I nodded my head shakily. My hand fisted over my heart as I melted under Emmett's love. It was his way of telling me that even though I was falling; he would be there, standing by my side.

"Bet your sick ass it will," I confirmed, but my meaning of "sick ass" was totally different than his, _that_ _eternal pervert_. "Make my sister okay . . . please. A-And tell her I'm sorry. I love her so very much. Never meant to hurt her, Emm."

His eyes looked suspiciously glassy, but I didn't get to confirm them, he turned away before saying, "She already knows that, and I'll tell her regardless. Love you, Bell."

And then he was off at vampire speed, going to clean up another mess I had made.

…

The forest became darker as the day wore on. The light creaking of the swing as it swayed back and forth filled the silence around me. It had been a while since I had sat on the Cullen's back porch, but the woods around the property still held the same allure for me, gently calling me to frolic in their secretive depths. Mmm, the hidden mysteries they held. I sighed almost contentedly as the soft summer breeze danced along my skin. My summer dress flew around my legs, tickling the skin where it landed lackadaisically.

If the situation hadn't been so messed up I may have giggled. But, things being the way they were I just sighed again. A couple hours had passed since Rosie had left and things calmed a little. After Esme had smothered me in her love, and I had fed Cheyenne, I took residence on the back swing. My eyes continued to scan the property, waiting and praying that Rose would return. It had been unfair of me to not tell her (just as it had been terribly wrong of me not to tell Jasper), but I truly needed the time. There were only so many things one could deal with. Just as it seemed like life had settled nicely around me, things were changed once again, and the fallout was much steeper.

Now that things were more stable in my mind, everything else around me had become chaos. It was to be expected, but I wished things hadn't got so out of hand. I wish I could have taken their pain and disappointment upon myself. I never wanted them to suffer on my behalf. It was an unrealistic expectation, for someone not to hurt on my behalf, but I wasn't used to the affection and devotion they lavished on me. I had never thought myself worth the trouble.

The back door scraped opened and caused me to jump a little. I could feel my heart start to race in my chest. My hand covered the left side of my breast as I looked to see who had joined me. I wasn't really surprised to see Edward; he lived in the Cullen's house obviously. I was, however, surprised that he came near me, voluntarily. We hadn't been truly alone since he confronted me at my house. The air around was a bit awkward and the oxygen seemed to become stale.

I turned away from him and tried to smother the blush that highlighted my cheeks. I was still very much nervous in his presence, not to mention he was always so stoic and reservedly quiet. I didn't know how to contend with that.

I set the swing into motion again and let the silence become filled with the squeaking of the chains.

"Are you sure you want to be changed, Bella?" he finally asked, brazenly. The silence was most definitively broken. "Surely, there has to be another way." Edward's voice sounded pained, and for once I knew it had nothing to do with the smell of my singer's blood. However much he asked the question in good faith, I could feel my anger rise. I hated confrontations. My headed turned in his direction again, and I studied him intently. He looked as if he had squirmed under my gaze, but then again I could have imagined.

"No offense, Edward, but it really isn't your decision. I can understand it being somewhat your business since it affects your family, but the end decision is mine and mine alone. I don't need you second guessing me!" I bit off harshly at the end.

He had only asked in concern for me, but I was tired of being second guessed and questioned. It was as if they believed me to be incompetent of make a sound decision. I had cancer not a mental inability to ration reasonably. He looked a little repentant at my rebuke but there was still lingering doubts written on his face. One didn't need my vampire's gift to suss Edward out.

"But, still, Bella? Would you really submit yourself to becoming a monster? It is a decision you can never take back. I caution you to really think this through. I am aware of your love for Jasper, but is your soul worth that love? We thirst after human blood and are never sated. Our throats scorch like a burning star, but our skin is ice cold. We are outcasts in a world where we never truly belonged. We are abnormalities, Bella, and predators to the entire human race. Could you live with that knowledge, that very truth seeped into your very core? Could you ever live with taking another life, even if was accidently?"

I studied him evenly; making sure my face gave nothing away. Every point he made was valid, but once again he failed to see the grand picture. There was always a possibility that I would slip, and there was the distinct possibility that my throat would constantly burn, but it was the only way to be with Jasper. Why couldn't Edward understand that I needed to be where Jasper was? I feared for what I would become, what destruction I could accomplish, but I was ready for that life and the responsibilities that came with it. I knew the consequences of my actions would weigh heavily on me, _but I needed Jasper. _It was the first truth my soul always realized.

"How could you ever think that, Edward? How?" I was very angry and tried valiantly to control said anger as it boiled under my skin. It wasn't fair to blow up at him, but he was the closest target and hadn't ceased when I asked him to. "You think your family is nothing but monsters? Have you that little respect for Carlisle . . . _Esme_?" I asked incredulously.

"Your father is the most caring, selfless, compassionate person I know. His ability to love is endless and his ability to harm is nil. Everything – Everything he has ever done is centered on his family. He exists only for you and the rest of the Cullen's. Carlisle is the furthest thing from a monster that could ever be. Esme . . . she loves you so much, Edward. She cherished the ground you walk on, yet you think her a monster. How can you even look her in the eye when you think every vampire a monster? That's always been your problem: generalizing everything and everyone until they fit into your perfect little world. You think Rosie is nothing but self-centered; she may be those things, but she loves fiercely and hurts like everyone else. Had that ever crossed your simple mind? You know you have a soul, Edward, and I know you still struggle with accepting that fact. The time has come, and until then, I would ask you keep your jaded and cynical opinions to yourself, please! Don't try and fit everyone into your little molds!"

I realized my words were abrasive, but something had to break through the incredibly strong wall that stubborn vampire had constructed. I also couldn't stand him thinking his amazing family as nothing but monsters. They may have all done unsavory things, but their hearts loved deeply and eternally. They were a family regardless of what Edward thought.

I ran to the back door and stopped before the inside swallowed me up. "Jasper is worth everything!" I passionately informed the misguided vampire. However, I left out the life and existence of my daughter. That was something personal and only for me to know. I would have given up everything for my darling. No one needed to know that and it was something held deeply within me.

Edward had given me many things to think about, not that I hadn't already. But when push came to shove, I would be turned in the end. I just had to wait for my heart to stop beating and for Jasper's venom to seep into me. I would fight for my vampire, until my last heart beat, and when it finally sounded, Jasper would mark me as his. I would then join him and the Cullen's in their own eternity.

* * *

Author's Notes: Hope this chapter finds you well. Ooh wee, many of you were quite angry with Bella last chapter, and that I can understand. I did kind of leaving you hanging, thinking she wouldn't allow him to change her. I know, I can be quite the cliffy monster. So now, you FINALLY have the answer – Bella will be changed. Thirty-five chapters and many long-ass worded chapters later, and you finally learned Bella will be changed. I have warned you, lovely readers, that I am terribly LONG-winded . . . LOL.

A Big thanks to Cullen Cousin for the help with this chapter in the midst of her Real Life saga; thanks mucho, darling, love you! Also – thanks to all those who reviewed and alerted/favored last chapter! I could never thank you enough for the confidence and feedback. Hopefully, some of you like Bella a little more this chapter (no pressure *winks*). I hope all is well with everyone and much love!

_Posted: Thursday, 6 October 2011_


	37. Chapter XXXVI

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended. There is a picture of the house on the author's page.

**Chapter Thirty-Six**

"_Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit."_

_- Peter Ustinov _

4 July – Tuesday Morning – Bella's POV

I was all but blown away by the house, which really shouldn't have come as a surprise to me. It seemed like everything the Cullen's owned or touched was paved with money. It wasn't that I was bitter, far from it, no matter how rude my thoughts sounded. The Cullen's had more money to last them a hundred lifetimes, so why wouldn't they spend some to have the luxuries they desired. It wasn't for me to judge them on how they wanted to live in comfort. Even I had to admit that the silk panties Rosie bought me were infinitely more comfortable than my Wal-Mart rollback special, not that I was knocking the Chain. They had been a staple in my life for more years than I could count. When one lived on a tight budget, Wal-Mart became the best, cheapest friend.

The woods hummed with life around us as I studied the imposing chalet/ cabin before me. This cabin wasn't one that had deer printed furniture and antlers over the fireplace, but reminded me of a chalet in Colorado. The façade was mostly glass, timber and decks. The green, wavy glass shimmered in the waning sun, as if winking at me to enter.

The ride out had been bumpy and hazardous (at least to the fragile human). However, that had been better than the little commuter plane we had taken to get to Flathead National Park. Jasper had thought my little whimpers of fright funny. I knew he wasn't really making fun of me, but delighted in my clinging to him. That vampire of mine sure liked when I threw myself at him; shameless creature that he was. The thought made my cheeks pink.

From the moment my eyes had beheld the house (and house was putting it mildly) I knew this was the place I wanted to be changed. Jasper and I had gone over the different catalogues of the houses the Cullen's owned (yes – catalogues), and when I saw the picture of this one, I recognized it to be "the one". There were some things in life one just knew, instinctively.

"This is it, Jazz," I heard myself whispering, almost reverently. The moment all but called for the silence. This place would be the one I would eventual "die" in, this place would be the one my heart would stop beating in, this place would be the one Jasper and I began the next phase of our lives together in, and this place would be the one I learned what it truly meant to be a vampire in. How could the moment not call to my heart and render me all but speechless?

Jasper wrapped his arms around my coated waist and pulled me against his chest. I willingly surrendered to his want and sunk into his supporting body. He moved the hair from my neck before replacing it with his somewhat cool lips. "I whole-heartedly agree, _Isabella_," he drawled, making my full name sound like a prayer from the Gods. Goodness, the things my vampire could do just with his noises and warmed breath on my flesh. I pushed myself further into him, requiring some type of friction. I didn't care how wanton I was in that moment. "All in good time, kitten." I knew he was turned on. Not only could I feel his extreme hardness, but he hissed my bedroom name.

I sighed a little in disappointment and my vampire gave a contended chuckle. I shivered at his breath hitting my exposed neck. Soon, more than his breath would be touching the flesh on my throat. I almost longed to feel his sensuous lips, deliciously sliding along my neck, licking my pulse point with abandon, until his teeth broke the fragile plane of my skin and filled my veins with his venom brand. I all but moaned at the thought.

"Easy, Bella," he hissed painfully. He pushed his hardness into my backside, causing me to whimper and squint my eyes together. "Don't make me fuck you before we even get into the house." My core instantly became wet.

"Promise, l-later," I begged, not caring about any pride. Jasper had become almost afraid to touch me. I could sometimes understand his hesitant demeanor, but at times, my body ached for his talented fingers to play me all over. I wanted nothing left to the imagination. I knew my sickness would become a hindrance, and it was one of the things I hated most about it.

"Bel –" he started to groan, but I couldn't take no for an answer, not this time.

"Please, my love." I didn't leave it at just my words. I threw all the love and lust I felt for him in that moment. His fingers tightened around my hip bones. I knew the skin would bruise later, but I craved to be marked by my luscious vampire.

"Okay, baby," he finally relented. I slithered my body along his, just for a reminder. "How you are able to tempt me, baby. I want nothing more to impale you, now. How would you like my cock stuck into you now, Bella, for the entire world to see?" He bit my neck a little too roughly. I thought he may have broken the skin, but unfortunately he pulled back. It was rare when he talked so salaciously to me, so I enjoyed the moments when they came.

"Very much so, Jasper," I whimpered. His hands molded around my chest as best as possible as he pulled me back, hard, and grinds into me from behind. My panties were all but ruined. "Always," I panted.

All too quickly, Jasper seemed to remember where we were and started to compose himself. I whined from the loss of intimate contact. Before he pulled away completely, he turned me around and seared my bitten, swollen lips with his. "Don't whine, baby. You shall be riding me soon. And . . . you had better give my cock everything it desires of you," he growled. I became even wetter. I wondered if it had soaked through my jeans. It was more than apparent Jasper could smell everything.

I shivered from anticipation and his demands. I licked his parted lips before pulling back. His eyes were pitch black and all but swallowed the whites. It should have scared me, but it only spoke of his ultimate desire, thus making me quake under his intense stare.

"Anything," I promised and he chuckled thrillingly. We both reluctantly pulled away from the passionate moment and made our way into the house. We did have other things to do besides fulfilling my erratic hormones.

_For shame_.

_Welcome home, Bella._

…

The great room was beautiful in the night time. The lamps were on low, causing the light to play dimly on each surface. The glass glistened with moonbeams, and the distant sounds of owls could be heard lowly in the background. All of this set the backdrop for the roaring fire in front of me and a cup of hot chocolate, warming my hands. The soft chenille blanket was draped over my legs. My eyes blinked lazily in contentment. I felt like a kitten filled with sweet cream.

My hand still hurt from my furious writing, but it was a good ache. I had started a written journal, preserving all the memories I could think of. It was something that both Jasper and Carlisle had recommended. They had explained the change and the great possibility of losing many of my memories. That thought truly saddened me, but didn't deter me. Jasper waited for me in the eternities, and I couldn't be separated from him. It was decided that while I burned for the allotted time the venom saw fit, my journal would be read to me. It would constantly broadcast my human memories to me, hopefully helping me to retain as many memories as possible. It had been a good suggestion.

I sighed at things coming to an end. Yes, it was incredibly sad, thinking of never being human again, never having a heart beat, but what waited for me on the other side was even more heartwarming. I had been ready for this from the moment Jasper saved me as a child. My place was by his side.

I came out of my thoughts and studied the beautifully decorated room again. If I had any doubts earlier about this place being our next home, they were allayed by the warm heat touching my face. My heart felt light in that moment, like nothing could ever touch me. I allowed the distorted image to lull me further into peace.

This was most definitely the perfect retreat and start of my rebirth. _It was truly Independence Day, indeed_.

…

5 July – Wednesday Night – Bella's POV

Before I could even think how lovely the water felt on my chilled skin, the sound of the glass door opening filtered my mind. I went to turn around, but was halted. Strong fingers grasped my hips bone and a lithe body lined up against my backside.

Lips met the back of my neck as something hard was pressed between my legs. Moans instantly came to my mouth. I didn't care how I sounded; Jasper was doing marvelous things to my flesh.

The front side of my body crashed into the wall and I let out a grunt. Damn, I loved him rough and in control.

"Spread them, now!" he rasped into my ear. I shivered from the gruff command. My legs sprang apart and waited for his next set of directions. Jasper's tongue glided from my lower back to the base of my neck. Goosebumps erupted with each swipe of his tongue. My legs were already starting to feel like jelly.

"Are you ready for me, Bella, is your cunt soaked through?" I wanted to scream 'yes' and much more. I sighed into the shower wall. His hands were none to gentle as they pushed in between my opened legs and skimmed my lower lips. "And then some, kitten," he complimented.

"Enough," I begged as his fingers worked nimbly on my clit. "Inside, Jasper. Always . . . you . . . inside."

"So impatient for me to fill you, kitten," he hissed darkly into my ear and I was reduced to a moaning mess. I loved what his words alone could do to me. I pushed my incredible amount of need at him. And he finally gave me what I wanted the most. Without haste, he pressed me further into the wall, wrapped his arm around my waist and pushed into me with one, long continuous stroke. My breath stopped mid-throat from the force, and my emotions were no longer contained. They slammed into Jasper without thought.

"Is this . . . what you . . . crave, Isabella!" he grunted with each meticulously hard thrust. I was all but ready to come with each hit of my divine spot.

I couldn't respond, the words were lodged thickly in my throat. The only thing I could do was mewl emotively each time he impaled me deeply. My stomach scraped the tiled wall, making my nipples even harder.

"More," I called out, trying to impound myself further on his slow moving member. At times I never minded going slow, but in this moment I needed his speed. I needed to forget that I was once again not normal. I needed to feel his urgent and uncontrolled need for me. I was starting to get frustrated and felt the tears prickle the back of my eyes. I could feel his remorse in treating me in such a way. I just wanted him fast and hard, and he wanted to treat me like a fragile doll.

Jasper wanted to go slow, and although I appreciated his thoughtfulness, I knew my limitations.

"This is why I didn't tell you, Jasper," I whispered unfairly, already know that before the words left my mouth. My cheek moved over the cool tile of the shower, it felt good on my flushed and agitated skin. We had both stopped moving, but he was still hard within me. I could feel his hurt as it unconsciously radiated towards me. I sent him my absolute love. Jasper filled every part of me, both figuratively and physically. I wiggled a little at the naughty thought, not being able to help myself.

Jasper grunted in my neck from the sudden movement. I could feel him jerking in me. I tightened around him, savoring the feeling that spiked in my heart and lower stomach. I loved even more when he took me from behind.

"Why," he groaned out. His fingers threaded in my hair; I knew this action soothed him, but not too much. I had every intention of starting what we finished.

"I feared you treat me like this," I spoke softly, knowing he would hear every word that left my mouth, no matter how low I whispered. "I never wanted you to see me as an invalid, Jasper. I wanted to be whole and complete for you. I never thought it fair – even from the beginning – you had to take on my problems. I know you weathered those crises with me because you loved me," I reassured him, knowing he was gearing up to argue. Jasper kissed my neck and a small smile curve his lips. He couldn't hide it from me. "I know what my body can handle, Jasper," I told him honestly.

"Please don't shelter me. Believe me when I say I can handle you, baby." I looked over my shoulder at his silence and could see a mock incredulous look. I amended my provocative statement, "at least to some degree." We both let the laughs take over. It was a light moment and one needed to lighten the tension between us. I still loved that Jasper was buried deeply inside me. Everything about him was delicious.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he apologized. His sentiments were appreciated, but unneeded.

"Don't be sorry, Jasper," I said already starting to get back into the mood. I could feel as he moved within me, even if it was to place his face in my neck, it still caused his erection to move to my spot. I moaned at the intimate contact. "Make me sorry, Jasper," I purred wantonly onto the tiled wall, my hands scratching it uselessly. "Please don't protect me from something my body craves. There will be a time I won't be able to do this, baby," I said not really thinking, trying to capture the moment.

His fear slipped into me, but I pushed it away. I couldn't accept it in the moment, I needed him. "It's the truth, Jasper. However, I can take you now; all of you now," I hissed wetly. I started to rock my lower half against him, knowing he couldn't resist me for long. Jasper, still amazingly desired me, when he wasn't trying to play hero. "Take me too, baby!"

Jasper crushed his lips onto my neck before plunging his tongue between my shoulder and collarbone. Before I could make heads or tails of the situation, my mind swirled as he lowered us to the ground and was hovering over me.

Jasper lifted my legs from around him and draped them over the creases in his arms, opening me wider. I never thought he would ever be able to get in any deeper, but once again he showed me differently and almost sent me careening into orbit. Jasper's member hit an incredibly deep spot within me, making my back arch to an impossible angle. Over and over he drove into me mercilessly. His erection scraped my walls as my muscles clenched tighter around him. Our shouts of passion lingered on the water droplets.

My body moved with his, trying to keep up with the amazingly frantic pace he set. The sound of our skin rubbing and mixing with each others, sent goose bumps over my wet skin. I wanted to cry out, tell him to take me again and again, to keep hitting that sublime place buried in me, but my words became clogged with my breath in my throat. The only thing I could do was whimper as we both worked the other to complete abandon.

Before I could reach my pinnacle, Jasper lifted my left leg to his shoulder and changed the angle again. Tears literally came to my eyes as I felt him hit my core, the very place where I always needed him to be. I stuttered as I tried to convey the intense amount of need and longing I had for him to continue pushing into me. All I could do was meet him thrust for wanting thrust. My arms reached out and fisted into the tile. I could feel as the water droplets that melted into my skin and disappeared under my fingernails. I wondered how deep of groves my fingers could create in the tile – at least when I was turned.

All thoughts disappeared from my mind as I found myself exploding around Jasper's deeply buried member. I brought my wrinkled hands to my eyes and covered them from the bright lights that shined behind my lids. My back left the ground and rounded with continued spasms. Sensation after sensation shot through my bursting body.

I could still feel Jasper as he fought for his release. My legs tightened around his shoulders and my passage muscles clamp together around his driving penis. I was almost out of my mind with arousal. I had already found mine and couldn't believe I was rearing up for another. Jasper's grunts and calls of my name only encourage me on. His deep thrust all but caused me to want to swallow his member whole. I never wanted him to leave my core, always warming it with the hot friction we created.

Jasper's hand found its way to the base of his penis that was buried inside me. His fingers swirled around my swollen nether lips, making my back come off the ground. I steadied myself more securely on his shoulders, but I soon found that to be in vain. Jasper found the source of my euphoria. His fingers pinched down on the spot above my opening and sent me blissfully plummeting again; to a place I never wanted to leave.

"Bella, my love," my vampire whispered, pushed roughly into me a few more time before finding his own completion. He spilled inside me, coating my walls with his own contribution. I was still coming down from my high and relishing the sweet words he called while filling me.

He gently took my legs down and placed them on the ground. He moved until he was lying next to me. I turned slowly on my side, still tender from our frantic coupling. Jasper's lips met mine half way. We allowed the kiss to be slow, not needing a reason to rush. Our mouths slid over the other, taking in the pleasure the movement caused.

Jasper pulled back and allowed me to breathe, not that I really wanted to. He brushed back the wet hair from my forehead and replaced it with his warm lips.

"You sure can be a feisty kitten, angel." My body shook with my laughter. In that moment I felt free and loved. It was as if nothing could or would ever touch us. Jasper and I created a world that was all our own, waiting for us to give it the next direction. These were all silly thoughts, but they bolstered my already high spirits.

"So are you, damsel." He scoffed, but couldn't help joining me in my laughter.

"I'm a stealthy panther, my love," he whispered into my ear, causing me to shiver from the closeness.

"That I can agree with." I pulled away from his face and just smiled at my handsome vampire. I adored him beyond words.

"I love you, also," he reassured me before bringing his lips to mine for an indulgent kiss.

"It's time for us to probably get up, Jasper," I said into his mouth. He growled a little at the double ended suggestion before rolling me over again.

"There is always time for another round, kitten," he spoke softly from above me. He pressed his erection onto my center. I closed my eyes tightly and moaned at the heated contact. I was already craving him inside me again. I couldn't see the harm in another roll around the shower.

"Make me yours again, Jasper," I hissed as I reached in between us and grabbed him.

No more encouragement was needed as the air around us filled with our lingering moans. Goodness, I loved shower time.

…

I was pleasantly sore the next couple of days. Yes, I tired more often than not, but it was for a _very_ worthy cause. Not many would complain if Jasper worked them as deliciously as he had me.

After we got back from our walk to the lake, and I ate my dinner, we settled around the great room floor and played games. I insisted on Poker. I loved watching Jasper pout those pillowed lips as I beat his ass. He didn't lose at many things, but when he lost at Poker, the boy took it as a personal front. _Poor little vampire_.

"Have you had enough, Jaspy," I cooed in a baby voice. It only caused him to pout more. He was beyond incredibly cute.

"Quiet you," he retaliated, causing me to giggle. I crawled over to his slumped form and settled into his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck while weaving my fingers in his hair.

"You still love me, baby." He eyed me suspiciously, probably still trying to work out if I had cheated.

"Occasionally," he grumbled.

"Most of the time," I amended.

"Always," he corrected. I knew he couldn't stay too mad. He gave me a light kiss before aligning his forehead with mine. "It's about that time, Bella." I sighed, knowing that I had procrastinated enough. Jasper indulged me for a while, but reminded me it was time.

"Okay." I gave one more sinfully long kiss to his lips before untangling myself. I hated being separated from his comforting body.

I made my way over to Jasper's cell and dialed the number. I sat down on the couch and wrapped the soft chenille blanket around me. I loved feeling like I was swaddled in a cocoon.

"Hello, little love," his gentle voice greeted me over the phone. My heart became softened at his tone.

"Hey, Papa C, how's my baby girl?" It was always the first question out of my mouth when talking to him. Jasper and I were only away from Cheyenne for a few days in Montana before they joined us and dropped Cheyenne off. We were scouting out the house, but it was still extremely difficult being separated from Cheyenne. A tear came unbidden to my eye. I hastily rubbed it away.

"She's incredible, Isabella, but misses both you and Jasper." I just nodded my head. "Don't disparage, you'll be seeing her tomorrow." It is what got me through the conversation without bawling.

"So I have a proposition for you, Carlisle." I could already hear his mind whirling around the possibilities. It was something Jasper and I had decided, and felt was right.

"You've been around newborns, Carlisle, and know their temperament. Not as much as Jasper, but you still have your own experiences."

"That I have, Isabella," he assured me. He waited for me to continue. I was scared of his rejection. Goodness, knew I had brought enough upheaval to his family.

"Well, I was wondering, that is if you wanted to, but it's totally up to you, no pressure, but that's to say, will you be here when Jasper changes me?" I mumbled terribly. I cringed at the long run-on sentence I had composed. Silence met me on the other line, and I began to bite my cheek. More tears gathered in my eyes. I knew I had brought much pain to his family, but I talked myself into him wanting to be there. My heart broke a little.

"I understand, Carlisle. The problems I've caused already –"

"No, Isabella, you misunderstand me. I was just taken aback with your request. Forgive my lack of an answer. Esme and I have both discussed the possible paths of our immediate future. We didn't know what you and Jasper intended outside of you both moving into an isolated area." He paused, and I wondered if he was looking at Esme lovingly.

"There comes a time, especially in this day and age with technology, that I have to take a break from medicine. The world is only so big, and my talent is very sought after in the medical community, please forgive the boast." I giggled at his apology. He never sounded boastful.

"You are the most humbled person I know, Papa C."

"Okay, okay, enough of that giggling," he scolded indulgently over the phone. "The point is, I have to take a break. With me never aging and my name and visage becoming more recognizable, my hands become tied. Esme and I were discussing where we would go and settle for a while. To be truthful, Isabella, the thought of being away from you, Jasper, and Cheyenne at this point is extremely painful. But, we would have endured our pain if you and Jasper wanted your privacy. So to answer your question . . ."

He had to stop for a while. I could hear the emotion thick in his voice. Esme's sweet voice on the other side could be heard comforting him, whispering words of adulation.

"We'd be honored to be there for your change and beyond. Anything you need and is in my power, I will do for your family, Isabella. You are all mine, and it is nothing but a pleasure to serve my family."

"Okay," I whispered back. I never understood Carlisle's easy love and acceptance, but I cherished it all the same. "So, you and Esme will be here tomorrow?"

"Bright, early and bushy tailed," he assured. I giggled at his silly answer. Perhaps that had been his goal, to clear some of the thicker emotions.

"Thanks, Carlisle," Jasper spoke evenly from in front of me. He had been watching my face the entire time. I knew he had also been monitoring my emotions.

"Never a problem, son," his father answered.

"Umm . . . is Rosie available," I asked Carlisle, shyly. She and I hadn't really talked since we left Hanover. I knew it was my own fault, but that knowledge didn't help my heart each time she rejected talking to me. It broke with each "no" she uttered. It was a lesson on what my lies got me.

There was silence on the other end, and I stilled my heart for the forthcoming rejection.

_You can do this, Bella. It is a situation of your own making_, I consoled myself. _Just breathe_. I took my words to heart before I heard Carlisle picking up the phone again.

"Bella," my sister spoke, tears immediately stung my eyes. Her voice was even more beautiful than I remembered.

"Y-Yes, Rosie," I croaked like a bull-frog, embarrassing myself. She laughed a little before turning serious again.

"What did you want to tell me?" Her question wasn't abrasive, but I could still hear the underlining hurt I had caused.

"I just wanted you to know how incredibly sorry I truly am. There really are no excuses for lying to you. I don't know what else to say Rosie," I finished pathetically. I wanted to list all the reasons, under the sun as to why I had lie, but she had to ask for them.

"What happened in the hospital?" I was confused as to her question. There had been several times and several stays there.

"I'm not sure which time you mean."

"How did we not know when you were giving birth?" she clarified. "Surely your doctor would have said something, Bella."

He would have, had I explicitly instructed him not to say anything. My medical condition was my business and mine alone. I knew I sounded callous, but I had to be at times. I was a very private individual.

My cancer had already been cleared and there was no reason to speak of it in that moment. I was still a special pregnancy, but the immediate danger had passed after my surgery. I still went in for tests, but things were "normal": meaning still in remission.

"There was never a reason to bring it up, Rosie. I had been cleared for several months and therefore out of immediate danger." I told her honestly. I withheld the information by discreetly talking to my doctor. I was also new to the Cullen's, and I didn't feel all that comfortable having my "weakness" displayed in front of them. My differences from them were already more than pronounced. I didn't want to give them a reason to dislike me. I never professed to be smart.

"If that's true, Bella, then how come you almost d-died?" she asked, painfully. I knew she didn't like discussing that possibility. She and Jasper were alike in more ways than they realized.

"It had nothing to do with my terminal illness, Rosie. Some of the amniotic fluid got into my blood stream, and it turned out, I am one of the rare few who are allergic to its effects. When it rains for me, Rose, it pours buckets. I'm just glutton for punishment, darling," I whispered a little sadly. "I was lucky to have survived and my doctors treated me in time."

'Danger' was nothing new to me; it had been my constant shadow since I took my first breath.

I thought Rose had already known the condition of my difficult pregnancy. She had never discussed it with me, but I just thought that because she avoided the topic of my demise. I felt bad she hadn't known.

"How come no one knew about your tests Bella, while you were pregnant with Cheye?" That was a fair question and simple to answer.

"I went alone, Rosie. Jasper was still working a little at the time, but even when he quit, I never really asked him to accompany me. If my status had ever changed, he would have been the first person I told, but I stayed in remission. I was in stage one, and the surgeries seemed to have stemmed the problem. I never imagined it would have come back so soon and so very aggressively. I guess that was wishful thinking, hmm." She sighed at my sad words.

She also couldn't argue with the logic. In the beginning, I hadn't been close with the Cullen family and Jasper and I had just reunited. Later, I should have disclosed my illness, but I blindly pushed it into the recesses of my mind. I didn't want to think such morbid thoughts, especially when I had a healthy, beautiful little baby. It was just inviting trouble.

"You should have told me, Bella, told all of us. I don't care about all the other bullshit going on in your head. I mean no disrespect, but you're my family and I love you. My place is beside you, in happy times and more sorrowful ones. I wish you hadn't suffered alone, sister." I already felt the tears leak from the corners of my eyes. I knew she meant no contempt with her harsh rebuke, but she was hurting from my lies.

"I know, Rosie, and I truly don't know what else to say. I should have never lied, but having a – quote on quote – loving and caring family isn't something I'm used to. It's something I'm still struggling with. It's no excuse I'm giving, just honesty. I just hope you can forgive me one day and perhaps we will be able to move on."

She went to say something else but I cut her off.

"I know I've lost some of your trust, but I will try my hardest to get it back, but, please, Rosie, I need you now more than ever. I need my best friend and sister. Will you be there for me, even though I didn't allow you to in the beginning? It was so very wrong of me, darling."

And like the amazing sister I knew her to be, she quickly allayed my fears. "I'll be there, Bella. I may still be upset and my ego may be bruised a little," she chuckled, but I didn't join in. I knew her pain was real and she used humor as a defense. "But I will always be there for you, sister. And . . . I can understand about holding on to such insecurities."

I didn't answer right away. I wondered what in the world she ever had anything to be insecure about; the woman was a walking Goddess and had the eternal status to prove it.

"Even though I'm a vampire, I still remember aspects of my human life, darling," she began to explain without having to be asked. "It is unfortunate they are the most painful moments in my human experience. I see you with Cheyenne, Bella," the emotion in her voice was extremely palpable. "You are an amazing mother and the connection you two share is something I envy greatly. It's something I always wanted for myself. "

"I know, Rosie," was all I could say. My throat was tightening up. Jasper's fingers grazed up and down my collarbone; I leaned into his supporting chest.

"Having both you and her in my life has helped greatly, and some of that past anguish has receded. I can't bear to think of you no longer in my existence. The thought of you no longer existing is literally extremely painful to me. Even the peace of Cheyenne cannot take away the ache I would feel in your absence, Bella. That's never to say Cheyenne is lacking, only that I cannot replace one with the other. I love you true, sister."

I was overcome by her speech. She allowed me the time to weep openly. I wanted to take her in my arms and leech the pain from her, but she wasn't near. Jasper wrapped me securely in his arms, imbuing my body with his brand of comfort.

"I love you tender, Rosie." We were both silent for a while and I basked in Jasper's nearness. I cuddled further into his willing hold, taking all he offered me.

"I hope to never leave you, Rosalie. It will be difficult, these next couple of months, but I will soon join you in eternity. I look forward to a day when my human frailties can no longer part me from my family."

"As do I, my love," Jasper whispered in my ear, causing me to tremble in his love.

As did we all.

…

* * *

Author's Notes: Hello, lovely readers. Not really much to say. I hope the chapter was alright. I did like writing Rose and Bella's relationship. I just love them and cherish their friendship.

I wanted to thank CC for everything, especially taking the time to help me. You rock, love! I also wanted to thank all those who have continued to read and like the story. It's been through a lot and yet you have stayed with me *sighs*. Also, to all those who alerted/favored/ reviewed, thanks from the heart. They always mean so much, and I'm touched with the time you spend with these characters!

Hope all is well with everyone! Much love sent to everyone!

_Posted: Saturday, 15 October 2011_


	38. Chapter XXXVII

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Chapter Thirty-Seven**

"_Today a new sun rises for me; everything lives, everything is animated, everything seems to speak to me of my passion, everything invites me to __cherish__ it__"_

_- Ninon de Lenclos _

Second Week of July-Beginning of August – Flathead, Montana –Bella's POV

Our lives and routines started to become settled at the "new house". Everything around here was beautiful and seemed to breathe new life into my dwindling one. Those thoughts could become morbid at time, but I was prepared. _It was like everything else in this life_, I reminded myself, _there would always be tribulations and setbacks_.

No one and nothing was free from pain, but it was the eventual outcome I remembered. Yes, I could have been extremely angry over my cancer and the effects it was having on my natural life, but then I would miss out on the good happening. If I constantly lived in my anger, I neglected my daughter's laugher, or Jasper's loving touches, or Rosie's internal beauty, or Esme's meals, or Emmett's childlike innocence, or Edward's music, or Carlisle's all encompassing acceptance.

Everyone touched my life in some aspect and brought bits of their own individual joys. My human time was limited and thus I refused to let anger have any part of me. The majority of the time I was successful, but even I failed at times.

…

"Here, Bella," I heard Esme encourage from behind me, "let me help you dress her." I truly wanted to smile and give my thanks at her assistance, but my heart wasn't quite charitable at the moment. Cheyenne continued to babble, unaware of her mother's darkening attitude.

"It's fine, Esme," I forced out, trying to bite back the mean retort. I wasn't a damn invalid; I could do it on my own. My denial was great in that moment; my shaking hands spoke of my struggles. I hated these bouts of weakness, they took away my opportunities as a mother. All I wanted to accomplish was dressing my daughter, but my tired body was failing me. Tears stung my eyes at the pitiful agony I felt for myself.

Cheyenne's little legs were flailing as I tried to put on her little shorts. The outfit I had chosen was absolutely adorable. It looked even cuter because I had shopped for it and paid for it. There was just something about tiny shorts with frills on the back side. Even though I smiled as I struggled to dress her, my body was crying for me to stop. I barely had any strength left, and my wiggling baby didn't help.

"Be still for mommy, darling," I pleaded, keeping the tears from my eyes. The task of dressing my daughter should have been easy, but cancer conspired against me. Or perhaps, it was fate. One never knew in these situations of bitterness and self-pity. Cheyenne, in thinking that I was playing with her, started to flail even more, giggling in her childhood beauty. I envied her.

"Would you like me to finish for y –" Esme started once again, but I couldn't allow her to finish. Everything had built-up and the emotions demanded to be spilled. There was only so much I could take when it felt like my insides were going to explode.

"No, Esme!" I snapped, unfairly. "How hard can it be to dress a damn child? Can't you just leave me alone?" Wails started to pierce the thick, uncomfortable air around us. Not only had I frightened Esme with my outburst, but Cheye became startled. Her initial jump of fright and the fat tears falling from her eyes tore at my heart. All I did was cause trouble unnecessarily.

I went to pick up my screaming baby, but found I didn't have the strength. I was just too tired. It was an incredibly miserable moment. It was amazing how it easy it was to give into the self-pity and loathing I felt. Nothing seemed trouble-free to me and all I wanted to do was indulge in a good cry. I hated cancer in that moment, more than anything else.

"Help me," I whimpered, I didn't have the energy to stop myself from falling to the ground. Before I could hit, my vampire had me wrapped in his strong arms. I buried my head shamefully in his shoulder.

"Watch Cheyenne, Esme. I need to get her to our room." I couldn't see Esme, but I could imagine the shocked and dismayed look on her eloquently, timeless face.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled as my love carried me out. It may not have been spoken loudly, but I was assured Esme heard my weak apology.

After I had rested and regained some of my stolen energy, I said sorry to her again. In her selflessness, she effortlessly forgave me. It was one of the reasons I loved her so dearly: she was an amazing example to me of grace. I wanted to emulate her in every way. But when it came down to it, I was just Bella, but Jasper somehow loved me anyway. And his love made things better.

…

I still had to deal with my bouts of melancholy and depression; however, the little miracles in my life helped as an amazing distraction. It was one of the many lessons I learned – I could pout and stew about my problems until I was turned, or I could enjoy the little moments that always made life worth living. The little moments, were after all, the threads that made the bigger tapestries of one's life.

Cheyenne speaking her first word was one of those threads that wove to make my beautiful quilt of life.

…

"How are you both able to play those video games so incessantly?" I asked, already knowing it would get Emmett's back up. He could get so touchy about his Wii, Xbox, or whatever he was playing. We were entering the third hour of the "playoffs", and I had crapped out long ago. I was never really coordinated, and those blasted games just reminded me of my lack of grace.

Today was one of my good days so I enjoyed arguing with Emmett. He made it fun and a challenge to keep up. He had kept his promise and treated me the same. I adored him all the more for his effort.

"Bell, you made me lose!" he whined as the tennis ball sailed past him. I had to suppress the giggles at how adorable he looked.

"Aww, poor whittle Emmett. Did the whittle human distract the big, bad vampire?" He hated when I infantilized him, but I couldn't help it, he brought out the instigator in me.

I smirked.

Carlisle and Rosie were laughing outright at his scandalized expression. He looked as if I had insulted his manhood. Edward, sitting in the chair opposite Cheyenne and me, had the biggest Cheshire, shit grin on his face. He truly enjoyed when I got the better of Emmett. Even Esme could be heard snickering from the kitchen as she volunteered to make my lunch. Jasper, who was the only one left (or really interested in the competition) looked at me with pride. I shot my handsome vampire a wink.

"Does Esme need to change your stinky diaper, Emm? I couldn't have surprised you that much." Everyone was outright laughing. Even my little daughter, who was sitting in my lap, was clapping her hands at the excitement. She didn't understand what was happening, but loved all the laughter.

"Shut it," he grumbled, before dropping his controller and throwing himself at Rosie's feet. He looked like a big, sullen bear. It was always rewarding getting one on the big guy.

"I guess you win, baby," I informed Jasper. "Emmett needs time to go breastfeed. We all know how cranky he gets when not fed on time." The room filled with laughter again. I wasn't usually so forward when I teased, but I just felt so well. I could feel my cheeks redden at the jab.

"Carlisle!" he screeched. "Aren't you going to say something to Bella for inappropriate language in front of the tater tot?" He smirked at me, thinking I would be reprimanded.

"She's a big girl, son. However, since Esme is busy at the moment, perhaps it's time for me to change your diaper. You did stink up that last round, Emmett." My giggles became uncontrollable. Jasper had to take Cheyenne from my arms, I was laughing so hard.

And then . . . the next moment was followed by silence. The beautiful resonant sounds of my daughter fluttered in my ears. Her young life flash forever in my eyes, and my lips curved into a half-smile. My darling had spoken her first word, or perhaps more like shouted. It had been beyond a sublimely heartfelt moment. It brought a joy to my heart like nothing could.

"Dada," she said, and the room became hushed. It wasn't a complete surprise that "dada" was her first word, nor could I find any jealously. My elation was utterly complete in that blissful moment.

I looked at the two blondes: one big and one small, but both the loves of my life and soul. Tears easily came unbidden to my eyes. It was a moment I has always imagined since I decided to keep my little one on that park bench. My life from that moment on hadn't turned out as originally intended, but sometimes, the unexpected far outweighed the expected.

I ran over to my little family and threw my arms around them. Cheyenne continued to yell "dada" as if she had just discovered her voice, or perhaps it was everyone encouraging her to continue. Jasper dropped his head to my shoulder before kissing the skin on my neck tenderly. I sighed at the contentment that settled around my soul.

"I love you, Isabella," he whispered. He pulled back before looking into my eyes. Both of our orbs were filled with tears and a happiness that wouldn't be forgotten.

It didn't matter that our family was around, we both shook with happiness. All that matter was we had experienced it together.

_The little moments, Bella,_ I whispered internally to my soul.

"As I love you, darling . . ."

We continued to simply hold each other as Cheyenne bounced between us, radiating in sunshine.

…

Yes, life was hard, but in those ordinary moments of the hustle and bustle, the truly magical moments occurred, the flashes that became imprinted on one's heart.

More words quickly joined her vocabulary after that. It was as if something clicked inside her head, and she had to now express herself with actual words. Each one was cherished and stored in my journal. I wrote each word and each experience that accompanied it.

Emmett was on cloud nine when she spoke his name. It wasn't his entire name, but she somehow learned to say "Emmm". It was beyond adorable. She often said that after taking a bite of food. I suspected that was how he taught her to speak his 'name', by rewarding her with food. Cheyenne sure did love to eat, and I wouldn't put it past that sneaky vampire to use her weakness.

My giant brother got his in the end.

…

The sun was setting, casting beautiful prisms of light on the crystal Esme had hung in the windows. She claimed it helped to light up the house and made things happier. She may have been right. My eyes took in the brilliance of the little sparkling figurines. I sighed.

My attention was called back to Emmett and Cheyenne. He was bent over her little wiggling body on all fours. Her little body was under his chest and her full-belly laughter filled the air; it tinkled in my ears. He had been entertaining her for the last ten minutes; they were in a world of their own.

"Emmett, stop barking at my baby!" I fake-scolded him as Cheyenne started to laugh so much that tears came to her eyes.

I would forever be amazed at the way Emmett could make her laugh so hard. Everyone else laughed at my words before they turned their attention back to the _entertaining duo_ on the floor. Cheyenne started to calm and reached her chunky arms up to her uncle. It looked like she was trying to grab onto his hair. Her little legs were flying everywhere in her joy, and she continued to scoot up on her blanket with her movements.

"But, Bell," he whined, "Cheye loves it . . . and me especially," he claimed modestly (insert eye roll). A Cheshire grin broke over his face at the thought of Cheyenne loving him so much.

"Emmm," she screamed up at Emmett, trying to get his attention again while waving her hands in the air above her. Her face was covered in smiles and her eyes were bright with mirth. She clearly loved her and Emmett time.

His smiles soon turned to sneers of disgust as Cheyenne laid him a present. The girl sure could lay some bombs.

"Bell-la," my big brother started to whine. "She needs to be changed." I rolled my eyes at his antics before I started to untangle myself from Jasper's tentacles. He wasn't making it easy for me to get up.

"You change her, Emmett," Rose commanded. His face looked like he had swallowed a lemon. Disgust was written clearly on his features. Before he could refuse his wife, she went for his weak spot: challenging his manhood. "But . . . we know you're too much of a pansy to change a little smelly diaper yourself. Only real men could do that." And the like the wobbly house of cards she knew him to be, her husband tumbled.

_Emmett, will you never learn__?_ My head shook no from the apparent answer. I truly wanted to know if there was an answer to that specific question.

He only looked at his wife with his big, goofy smile that would endear him to anyone, vampire or no. Something wasn't ticking correctly in that boy's head.

"Please, Rosie, you weren't complaining earlier. My manhood – as I remember it – never came into question." He smirked.

"Your hearing must have been off, dear," Rosie teased in an airily tone. Emmett pouted.

"I don't think so . . . like I couldn't change something the size of a football," he mumbled.

"You think it easy to change a diaper for someone the size of a "football", as you so crudely put it?" I asked in slow, even words, trying to make sure I understood him correctly.

I quickly needed to interrupt their innuendos. My family all gave me thankful smiles. We were all well versed in their bedroom behavior.

"That's what I said, Bell. I always knew humans were second-rate to us vampires," he continued to provoke. I knew his modus operandi, yet his comment rankled me to no end. It was now my turn to be taken in by Emmett's not-so-clever devices.

"Fine, you big-ass child," I finally snapped. The expressions on everyone's faces around me were priceless. It was rare that I ever used such language, but the Cullen's gaping mouth made it that much more satisfactory. "Change the diaper without complaint or gagging, and I'm fair game for your little sexual jokes for a week, no complaints from me. Gag or complain more than once, and no sex for you for a week. I think we could all do without having to hear your loud mouth and exaggerations." He looked to Rose and she just smirked. I knew she could do without for a little while. She also liked to see her husband squirm. Didn't we all . . .

"I think I'll take you up on that bet, sister, but I set the terms." I gave him a look that said _in your dreams_; I wouldn't yield.

"Take it or leave it, Emm. If I didn't know better, I would say that your 'supposed' superior manhood was all a front for your _flaccid_ problems." It was my turn to taunt him. Everyone started to laugh, as did Cheyenne. It made it all the funnier. I gave him a pointed look in the correct spot on his body and willed myself not to blush. _Flaccid _was a term he was more than familiar with and teased his "Eddie" with.

His face turned from one of smirks to an evil sneer. It was game on. I truly felt terrible for taking advantage of my naïve brother; Cheyenne could lay some damn whoppers. Jasper just kissed my cheek in pride.

"Bring it, hussy." I couldn't help but laugh at his endearment. Where did he learn these words?

"Right back at you, hussy."

We both laughed before Carlisle went to get a fresh diaper and perhaps another one for when Emmett messed that one up. I was ready to be utterly entertained. Edward moved forward and sat by Esme's feet. He wouldn't have missed this for all the blood in the world (well, perhaps mine excluded).

. .

The smirked graced my face beautifully.

Emmett dropped down to the ground and immediately started to gag. He sounded like he was coughing up a hairball the size of Delaware. After he was done retching, he got back up on his knees and found them surprisingly shaky. He gave Rose a look that said '_put me out of my misery_', but she didn't relent. He started to literally tear up because of the smell, Even I had to plug my nose. However, no one tried to save him, everyone was laughing too much.

He started to mew in pain, and when he approached the poppy diaper again, his gag reflects kicked in. Cheye hadn't seemed to mind in the least, it was as if she knew he was being challenged. She just grabbed her feet and drooled.

"Did she have c-corn?" he asked in between a gag that racked his throat.

"No, Emmett, Cheye's a baby and doesn't eat many solids yet," Rose said in a voice full of laughter and, surprisingly, patience.

"Then why is her shit all lumpy?" he whined, not noticing his slip.

"That's another diaper change for you, Emmett. One would think you'd learn to censor your mouth." Rose smirked with satisfaction. If I hadn't known better, I would think she got fulfillment in watching her husband suffer.

The look on Emmett's face was enough to sink the Titanic. I had felt bad for him. Rose had been beyond serious with him, but he didn't seem to understand the determination she had in breaking him of that habit, at least around the baby. I shuddered to think what they said in private.

"Rosie, please, I'll do anything, not another one of these nasty thin . . ." He couldn't finish because he had dropped down to the ground again, gagging his unused lungs up.

If he were a cat, the hackles on his back would have been raised indefinitely from the amount of heaving he was accomplishing. When he was done pounding the ground and arching his back from the pressure on his chest, he looked up at Rose in utter agony. My pity for him was pouring from my pores.

"Anything, Emmett?" she sang. She could be a nasty piece of work when tempted. He just nodded before a stray gag broke over his throat. "No sparring for a month, how does that sound, baby?" I felt like gagging at the thought of them and their code name for sex. I knew she wouldn't stick to that. She may have been able to go a week without it, but the girl's needs were almost as much as her addicted husband's.

At least she censored it, not only for impressionable ears, but for those who didn't want those mental imagines floating in the wild abandon that was the mind (too late). Emmett was a BIG man and I could only guess as to how he and Rose went at it. I shuddered at the thought before turning red in the cheeks.

Jasper put his arms around me before he whispered, "Would you punish me so severely, kitten?" His breath hit the shell of my ear and caused me to shiver for completely different reasons. He pressed his amazing lips to the pulse in my neck before he licked the spot with his cool tongue. Goodness, I could feel myself quivering in places he affected the most. I was beyond embarrassed, but heated all the same.

"No, baby," I whispered a little breathlessly. He laughed into my neck, and I enjoyed the vibrations of his voice as his lips touched the flesh of my throat. "You're dangerous, Jazz," I claimed in all seriousness.

"As long as you realize, kitten." I licked my parched lips, and the reason as to their dryness was open for interpretations.

…

Jasper's POV

As I watched Bella with Cheyenne, my heart fell in love with the picture. The sun was shining down on them, creating their own world of love and tenderness. Cheye was laughing at her mother as Bella made funny faces. Cheye's giggles filled the summer air and floated over to me through the open window. Bella stopped what she was doing and just watched her daughter; her dark brown hair fell into her eyes and her flushed cheeks were pulled into a smile. Her daughter was the love of her life, and it showed in everything Bella did.

I watched them as Cheye tried to grab her mama's hair with her tiny fists, but Bella just placed a kiss on her fingers. They were such a sight to behold, an angel and her daughter. Bella picked up Cheye and lifted her over her head. My little beauty cooed at her mother, and kicked her pudgy legs. She looked like a little airplane. It amazed me how little she really was. Her tiny feet were bare in the afternoon sun, and her blonde hair almost looked like a halo around her beautiful face. Both Bella and Cheyenne's summer dresses floated on the light wind. After being memorized by my little beauty, I looked at Bella. She had silent tears running down her face, but a smile graced her lips. Cheye continued to giggle as her mother bounced her over her head.

As I watched them, time seemed to slow for me, as if I had pushed a slow-motion button. Bella eyes were filled with so much love that they truly shined with her left over tears that hadn't spilled; her smile was sad, yet beautiful at the same time. Cheye watched Bella with some kind of reverence, as if memorizing the features of her mother's face; my mind seared every detail to memory of the picture before me. I never wanted to forget. Bella lay on her back and brought Cheyenne down to her chest. My little beauty rubbed her eyes and placed her perfect head on her mother's chest and I could hear her sigh. Bella wrapped her arms around the peaceful baby. Cheye was in the arms of my angel. My girls' were perfect. Time seemed to skip this moment, stop for the moment, and allowed me to revel in this instant. I knew where I wanted to be in that next second, and it was with my little family.

"Hello, damsel," Bella said before she could even see me. She thought she was so cute. I walked over to her blanket and sat next to her lying form. I looked into her face and saw she was smirking.

"Just for that, little one, you are not allowed a kiss from my very sinful lips." Bella pouted as her body became racked with shivers from my words. My heart fell in love with her even more. I'd never understand how that was possible when it felt so very full already.

"I meant hello, my handsome damsel," she tried to amend, but I could feel her mischievous mood. I allowed my fingers to trail along the sun kissed skin of her cheek and she leaned into my touch. "Hello, Jasper," she sighed with her eyes closed. Her cheek was still in my hand. I gently leaned down and touched my lips to her. I could never last long.

"Hello, angel." I kissed her more deeply. Bella's lips were always the most wondrous things to me: so soft and supple, always willing to bend to my command. Damn, she was so addictive. I almost forgot about the little one sleeping on her chest. "I can never tire of the warmth," I heard myself confessing.

"What does it feel like?" she asked softly, trying to keep her voice down with the little baby napping between us. I contemplated her question for a moment, really thinking about how our connection felt when it flared inside me.

"You know when you get goose-bumps," she nodded her head, "and they start from where they erupt and travel the length of your skin? You can feel as that tingling travels along, under your very flesh. It as if the feeling is alive inside you. With each portion of flesh it passes, tiny bumps appear, showing the path that the tingling affected. The warmth is like that, angel; so very alive in my skin and making itself known everywhere it travels inside me." I hoped she understood what I meant. It was the closet I could think to describe the physical manifestation of our bond.

"That was hauntingly beautiful, Jasper. I always wonder where you find such eloquent words to describe something so seemingly plain." That was easy to answer, even though I knew her statement was more rhetorical.

"It comes from the very place inside me that loves you the most: the place where your soul touches mine." I was well aware I sounded like a hallmark movie, but it couldn't be helped. There were such definitive moments that called for such speech. Laying there with Bella and my daughter, it had called to me. It wasn't loud and overpowering, but almost shy and sincere.

I loved both of my girls more than the essential of blood.

..

Bella's POV

I wanted to kiss him in that moment, when the words left his delicious lips; not a gentle caress, but a full on demanding assault. I loved him immensely and at times, I found myself _so very_ wanton of him. However, with the light weight of my daughter's body on mine, I pushed the thoughts aside. The time was peaceful, and the summer breeze that graced my skin as it blew by reminded me of that. I retracted my lust-filled thoughts into something I wanted to acknowledge with him. More than anything, I had wanted his firm reassurance.

"You know what's amazing, Jasper?" he sent his curiosity to me. The feeling tickled but a moment on my skin before sinking it. I loved Jasper's gift at times and what it could make me feel. "I've been taking care of Renee for what's felt like my whole life, but even that pales in comparison to my daughter. Renee was self-reliant to a fault when it came to her whimsical notions, but Cheyenne, totally depends on me. That's really scary, but wonderfully liberating. She brings out new emotions and new trials that I never really thought of. Sometimes, I never think I could ever be enough for her, but somehow I do come up, and it isn't always empty handed." I smiled a relieved smile. "She makes me reach to new heights and challenges me, unknowingly, to be a better person. I love her so much, Jasper; I can feel that love growing each time her chunky cheeks spread into a slobbery smile."

I moved the hair from my daughter's forehead and gloried in her little heartbeat thumping into my chest from where she slept. Jasper placed his hand over her back and started to rub gentle circles. As if knowing he was there, Cheye snuggled further into my chest and inched closer to Jasper. It was like she realized her little family was all accounted for, so all was well in her young perspective. I could never imagine being that innocent ever again.

"She makes it entirely too easy, hmm, angel?" His soft question settled into my fluttering stomach, along with the incredible smile playing on his lips as he watched us.

Jasper would probably never realize how easy he made everything. My life was entirely blessed too much, just with his presence. I didn't deserve such blessings, but I selfishly welcomed them all the same.

"You both do, my loves." Our eyes met and held in those eternal minutes. Many things were passed in those infinite moments, but what mattered the most was the miraculous love.

"I'm really scared, Jasper," I finally confessed. "I can't ever hurt Cheyenne, and I'm afraid I'll be an uncontrollable vampire when turned. I can't ever hurt her, Jasper." I knew he could feel some of my uncertainty that I had been trying to hide from him. I didn't want him doubting my decision. I wanted our eternity, but I also couldn't hurt my daughter.

I felt more than saw Jasper wrap his arm securely around both Cheye and myself. He snuggled into my left side and tucked his face into my free flowing hair. I had left it down earlier; I had wanted to feel the breeze playing with my strands.

"You've nothing to fear, Bella. I'd never allow anything to happen to Cheyenne." He kissed the tip of my ear before continuing, "You'll make a sensational addition to our family. You are prepared and know a lot before eventually being turned. Most of us, vampires that is, don't have such an amazing support system like Carlisle and Esme. We are fortunate to have them, not to mention brothers and a sister that loves you infinitely, angel. We'd never allow anything to happen to either you or Cheyenne. Have I helped at all?" he whispered.

I turned my head to face him, for I had been staring at the pine tree's swaying in the warm wind as I took in his emphatic statements. I may not have had the ability of discernment, but the truth was visible in his dark, imperial topaz gems.

I just nodded my head yes instead of answering with words. I leaned further into his body, being weary of Cheyenne, before placing my lips over his. Words weren't always needed, and I didn't feel like speaking. I sent to him my most sincere and deepest love available. His body shook a little from the onslaught and he clenched his teeth, but I knew he could feel my fully. Once his lips unclenched he returned my kiss. They weren't rushed or demanding, but ones of lazy summer afternoons with the radiate sun cuddling our skin. Jasper sparkled like the moment.

…

It was always the little moments that made the tapestry of one's life. It had become my mantra over the last couple of months. It helped me to keep things in perspective and not forget to live as I waited to be turned. There would be more big events in my life, it wouldn't be life without said events, but I would live and exist for those small moments in between that made everything worth it.

_Breathe, Bella_, I reminded myself, silently; _keep breathing in the little moments_.

* * *

Author's Notes: So, I hope this chapter was somewhat drama free for you. There was a little angst, but I hope the fluff overrode that. I did want to also show that Bella had moments of frustration and fear. She enjoyed her small, blissful moments, but also couldn't stop the limitations of her illness. I really did enjoy writing this chapter, so hopefully, you did as well.

I just wanted to thank all those who reviewed last chapter. I'm really glad the readers are enjoying this story. These last few chapters have been really scary for me to post, so I thank you from the heart for the reviews. They give me the strength to keep writing and finally finishing this story.

I love you all and tenderly appreciate the encouragement. I hope all is well with everyone and until next time . . . much, much love!

_Posted: Friday, 21 October 2011_


	39. Chapter XXXVIII

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.

**Chapter Thirty-Eight**

"_Love is a promise; love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear.__"_

_- John Lennon _

"_I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it.__"_

_(City of Angels)_

17 August – Thursday, Early Afternoon – Seattle – Bella's POV

The beeping of the machine greeted my ears, the further I stepped into the room. It seemed to amalgamate with my own heartbeat. It was the only thing that showed me specifically that Mike was actually alive. The room was a regular, sterile nursing home room, but showed the love and dedication Mike's family had for him.

I started to feel the first pulls of guilt in my gut: alone I had left him, his daughter's attention I had deprived him of. It was something I always felt guilty about, since I first felt Cheye move inside me. My body had shown I was pregnant, but until I had felt my daughter moving it had been surreal. She wasn't planned, but she was beyond loved. It was a joy and a responsibility Mike would have lovingly shared with me. Life, it seemed, had other plans for him, and there was nothing I could have done to change the circumstances.

Even with Mike all but comatose, I wondered what would have happened if he were still here, conscious. It wasn't fair to think such things, but it was human nature. Our love, though never as intense and complete as Jasper's, had still been real. At times it felt like a gentle summer breeze, floating across my skin; innocently sweet in its comfort and familiarity. Mike's touch didn't set my skin to sizzle, but it was something I could have lived with. Once the tingles faded, because eventually they always did, what was left surpassed the momentary sensation.

It was the relationship I had with Mike. Our friendship had been solid and I loved him. It still caused me to laugh when people referred to Mike as a lost puppy, the way he followed me around. It had been a turn off for a while, but then I learned he truly liked to be around me. I didn't understand my personal appeal, but he truly enjoyed me. Our relationship had grown from those "puppy days". Never would I have imagined that I would become as clingy to him as he was to me, yet I had and it worked for us.

When everything had happened to me (with Mike was no longer in the picture) my survival instincts had kicked in again. It was like an ingrain protection inside my very skin. The dependence I had learned with Mike disappeared and out came "independent Bella". Even though I hadn't seen her in a long while, she was as resilient as ever; essential, we were one in the same.

All of these thoughts had passed in my never-resting mind as I stood frozen to my spot. Mike's breathing machine's continued to beep, monitoring the thumping of his heart. It scared me to even contemplate being in such a situation. My disease was far along, but I couldn't fathom needing something as severe as him. His chest moved up and down as oxygen was pushed into his lungs. I felt my own chest rise with shaky emotions. I wrapped my arms around Cheye even tighter. Her sleeping head lulled on my shoulder as I lifted her up a little more.

The situation was quite a big one, even though my daughter and her biological father didn't even realize it. Tears easily came to my eyes, and I hastily wipe at them. This was truly the first time Cheyenne had ever met Mike and he wasn't even conscious to meet her.

I wondered if I had done him a disservice in never bringing his little daughter to meet him. The guilt continued to churn as I swallowed my bile. It wasn't the time or place to become sick. My feet finally picked up the command from my brain and moved closer to the bed. Tears accompanied my feet as I brought us closer to him. Floppy blonde hair and pink eyelids welcomed us. Cheyenne moved a little on my chest and I rubbed her back gently. She let out a big breath before she settled again, snuggling deeper into my chest. I loved feeling her little body attached to mine. It brought back the times of her inside me, protecting her to my fullest.

I looked down at Mike's unmoving form and let out a sigh of my own. The situation had been far from easy and almost emotionally debilitating. I felt like a guest in my own skin.

"H-Hey, M," I finally croaked out. I would have laughed if the situation had been under better circumstances. I never knew myself to sound like a bullfrog.

He remained unmoving, as silent as the stillness of the nursing home. It was quite eerie. The smells alone were enough to having my stomach rolling.

"You look the same, but different somehow." I felt stupid voicing such thoughts aloud. If he were awake he would have scolded me for being so self-deprecating.

_Silence_ – not that I expected any different.

His pink, vein-y eyelids didn't even flutter. The blanket rested under his chin that was clean shaven. I wondered if his facial hair even grew anymore or if that was as stagnant as his movements. I hated the grim thoughts but couldn't shake them.

"Thinner I would probably guess," I muttered unthinkingly. Tears continued to prickle my eyes. Were they from memories long ago or a future that was never realized? Whatever the reason, I valiantly tried to suppress them. "Not that it matters, M. Goodness, it seems like forever that I've seen you." A salt-water droplet fell despite my best efforts.

Gathering all the bravery I possessed, I reached out, unsteadily, and touched his skin. I didn't know what to expect, but was surprised at how warm he was. My skin didn't flare like when I touched Jasper, but Mike's flesh was still warm. My fingers threaded through his too perfect hair. Mike had never liked his hair combed in a clean-cut manner. He claimed bed head got him the ladies (he wished).

_Such simpler times, Bella_, I thought to myself with a soft smile.

"There – all better," I laughed, mussing up his hair.

I hefted Cheye up into my arms again, being sure not to wake her. I kissed her gently before letting out a slow, deep, even breath. It was time to get on with it. My heart ached terribly the longer I stayed. I only wanted Mike to get better. It tore at my stomach lining to see him so prone. I removed my hand from his person and – with caution – pulled my daughter from my grasp. She whimpered a little, probably being pulled away from her perceived comfort, and laid her down on Mike's chest.

The tears could not be held back as they coursed from my eyes and slid silently down my cheeks. I didn't know if Hell existed, but this was a mighty fine interpretation of one. It wasn't that I pined for Mike any longer; nothing could compete with my love and utter devotion to Jasper. But, it tore at me, the unfairness of the entire situation. That long ago, puppy-like boy used to confide in me as if doing so would make him uncool.

"_I'd like kids some day, Bells. I like to think my parents did alright by me." He gave me that sappy smile. It was typical Mike._

"_How sure are you about that, M?" I couldn't ever help teasing him. It was too easy._

"_Are you implying my parents didn't do a good job?" he hissed, but I could read the humor in his sky-blues. _

"_Never, Mike. Remember, they did the best with what they had to work with." I smirked, trying to keep the giggles from erupting. He eyed me skeptically, trying to suss out if I was playing around. And I couldn't hold in the giggles any longer. "You're too easy, M," I gasped through my laughs. He gave me that indulgent smile I had come to know as pure love, but had been too blind to see. _

"_And you're too beautiful," he mumbled, but loud enough for me to hear. I immediately blushed and ceased laughing. We stared at each other for a while before he started to chuckle. His cheeks were also stained pink._

"_You are as easy to wind up as me, Bells."_

It wasn't until much later in our relationship that he admitted to me how serious he had been that evening while doing our homework for Calculus.

_Smile – Bella, keep smiling. _More tears spilled. _Damn, this is difficult_.

My hand found its way to my daughter's back as I gently rubbed comforting circles over her. They weren't really for her, but for her incapable mommy. My eyes made their way back up to Mike's eternally youthful face.

"Sorry I haven't brought Cheyenne sooner. Things have been really hectic, but still . . . no excuse. She is a part of you, after all." I looked away, the shame was written all over my visage. I wiped roughly at the falling water from my eyes. I took in the posters and painting of the outdoors that Mike's mother had plastered over the walls. He had always loved to hike; a hobby which he could never convince me was "fun". My feet and coordination wasn't meant for that.

"Your daughter is something amazing, Mike." I never really thought of Cheye as Mike's, but in that moment she was. No matter how much he had contributed to her gene pool, Cheyenne was Jasper's through and through. My little lamb loved him like no other. "She is a lively little thing. She loves to smile, but not as much as eating." I let out a little laugh. Her high-pitched, demanding screams filled my memory. She didn't like to be kept waiting when it came to her mushy carrots.

"She can sit up on her own, roll over, and I swear she is insistent on crawling. Nine months – she is. Cheyenne can be very willful and stubborn at times." I looked at my daughter sleeping on her biological dad's chest. The image was truly scary and something out of another lifetime. It caused me to wonder what would have been, had Jasper and I not found each other. I refused to think such a depressing thought. I could no longer survive without Jasper, both literally and figuratively, but, more so because my soul demanded it.

"Cheyenne isn't really shy, but knows who she wants and when. Heaven forbid if anyone tries to tell her differently. I know she w-would have loved you also, M-Mike." My hand reached for his, and I brought it up to our daughter's back. I placed his unmoving hand there before moving mine. It had looked like they were simply resting together. I didn't wipe the tears this time.

"I'm sorry, M, that you can't be here with her, celebrating her beautiful life and accomplishments. However, I keep you in my _heart _and close to her. It would be terrible and truly unfair of me if I didn't." I entwined our hands and continued rubbing small circles on Cheye's back. My little girl was warm and safe in her dreams.

I let the silence settle in around us again. I didn't know what else to say and my useless apologies fell on deaf ears. I simply watched Mike and Cheye slumber peacefully together. Several times around us the room creaked, and shadows passed from under the closed door. It was the only things that disturbed the stillness.

When the sun started to dip below the curtains of his room, I knew it time to go. Cheyenne had been asleep for a long while, and I knew she'd wake soon. It was as if she subconsciously knew the importance of the moment and simply enjoyed it, or perhaps she was taking in the essence of the person who had helped to create her.

My legs felt like rubber as I stood up from the uncomfortable chair and approached them. My trembling hands reached out and scooped up my little one. Her little eyes fluttered opened before they became focused on me. A little smile lifted up at the corners as I brought her into my arms. It always tickled my heart to see the love and reorganization she held for me. Mike's hand arm slumped uselessly to the side.

"Did you sleep well, my darling?" Her answer was to yawn as she burrowed her face into my neck and her little hands fisted in my hair. I kissed her flushed cheek before looking back over at Mike.

Before I could think of anything else I bent over and whispered into his ear, "Thank you for her, M. Cheyenne that is. Never have I received such a beautiful and irreplaceable gift."

I thought of Jasper's love and felt a little guilty at the comparison. Both things were irreplaceable to me, but if I had to ever choose, Cheyenne would come first. Nothing in my life ever meant more to me than my daughter, and that included my life. It was a mother's love and prerogative to devote oneself so fiercely. It didn't lessen my love for Jasper in any way. I knew he understood that. I could never regret my little darling.

Tears dripped from my cheeks onto his. I knew, however, that he wouldn't mind.

"_You're always beautiful to me, Bells. I don't care if you cry. It only enhanced the green in your eyes. You're always beautiful to me," he whispered again before kissing my cheek and pulling me into his arms. It had been the anniversary of my father's passing. And like always, Mike had sat and been patient with me. He simply wiped my tears. _

"You were always beautiful to me also, Mike. Your love and friendship got me through so much. Please, forgive me for ever taking you for granted. I wasn't half the person you were to me, M, and for that I'm sorry." I shook a little from the silent sobs. Cheyenne tightened her grasp on me.

"Never doubt that I loved you. Once upon a time – our love was gentle and real. We created our own soft world and in that love a little miracle was conceived. I love you, Mike," I whimpered directly in his left ear. "My friend first and always!"

My trembling lips kissed his temple before pulling back slightly. I brought our daughter up to his still lips and placed them on her cheek. She clung to me a little tighter and whined softly, but eventually relaxed. I wondered if she recognized the scent of the person whose genes she carried.

"Bye, M-Mike," I stammered. "Never doubt, my friend . . . remember our love, I leave it with you."

And with a lingering kiss to the corner of his lips, I pulled Cheyenne and me back before leaving the room. One more look was placed over my shoulder and a simple tear falling to the linoleum floor happened before I finally shut the door quietly behind me and the memories that would remain ours forever.

. .

Jasper's POV

My arms surrounded her as soon as she entered the hotel room. I finally let out the breath I had been holding since she and Cheyenne left the hotel. It really wasn't the rainy streets of Seattle or the number of crazy motorist on the road that truly worried me (although those were also there), but that fact she had been with her old love; Cheyenne's biological father.

_Would Bella see in him the things that had first attracted her in the beginning of their romance? Would she feel his warm skin and compare it to my hard, unyielding one? Would she see in his face the spitting image reflected in my daughters? Would being near him rekindle any of the love she had felt for him previous to our relationship? Would she still ask to be turned only wanting it so she could return to Mike's side? Would my love and devotion be enough to hold her human heart as she looked on her old human love? If she chose him, would I ever have the strength and grace to give her up? _

These were just some of the constant questions present in the ever changing world of my vampire mind. I still had my fears where Mike was concerned, but they had never been as tangible as they were with my angel in his actual presence. I respected Bella even more as I thought about her. In the face of Alice and the constant shit she had thrown at Bella, my angel had shown poise in the conflict. Never truly becoming riled up or acting like a scorned woman; that had been Alice's MO. I knew that Bella was flawed and capable of fucking up, but she shined in the moments of great adversity.

My love for her would continue to grow by leaps and bounds, taking me along for the magnificent ride. My existence couldn't be complete without her in it.

I breathed in deeply, taking in her glorious scent, appreciating the way it filled my lungs. My girl was back in my arms and my life was balanced once more.

I pulled her face from my chest and tilted her chin up to me. The pad of my thumb outlined her lips, adoring the way her cheeks became even more flushed at my touch.

"I'm so in love with you," I finally spilled, not being able to hold the words in any longer. Beautiful, fat tear drops fell from her murky depths. The heated water landed on my hand that still cupped her chin. Cheyenne continued to stay asleep between our bodies. Her little body rose and fell with her contented breaths. She was feeling safe and satisfied.

Bella pulled my hand from her chin and molded it around her right cheek. Heat flared from both our connection and the blood rushing under her pale skin. She kissed my thumb as her tongue licked at the flesh that passed her parted lips. I felt the action immediately in my body.

"I know, darling," she whispered delicately. Bella may have only reached my shoulders, but my girl had the possibility to bring me to my knees in utter devotion before her. I knew she realized that power she held over me, but never took advantage of it. It only added to the many things I loved her for. "And I love you."

No more words were spoken for a time. I simply gathered her and our daughter into my arms, placed them on my lap as we sat on the couch in our suite, and breathed in their presence. Mike may have had her for a brief moment in time, but she had always been mine and would remain that way for eternity. And – I didn't fucking care how cheesy that sounded.

…

End of August – Saturday Evening – Near their home in Flathead – Jasper's POV

"Goodness, Jasper, look at how bright those stars are. It's difficult to imagine that those lights are millions of years old. Kind of puts your muted age into perspective," she giggled, thinking is was so adorable. She was, but I didn't need to confirm that to her.

"Ha-ha, angel. I'm still older than you," I sagely pointed out, trying to keep the indulgent smile from my lips.

"And then some, old man." Damn, the girl's zingers were on tonight. I growled at her, pushing my chest into hers so she could feel the vibrations of my mock anger. She wrapped her arms around me. I knew she wanted to squeeze me tightly, but didn't have the strength.

She was going down quickly.

_No . . . no focusing on such things, Jasper_, I chided myself silently.

So, with my thoughts somewhat focused elsewhere, I pushed my love and appreciate into her small frame. I wanted her not only to know, but to literally feel my emotions for her. They belonged to my angel anyhow.

Almost twelve years had passed with Bella present in my life in some aspect: whether it was physically or mentally, she had remained with me. We had been though many things together, and my love for her had only grown exponentially. Throughout her story, the constant things I felt from her was love. It was strong and unbelievably pure. While I touched her, I felt it even more, and the bond we share continued to warm my skin ever more so than usual as I let the love of her fill me up and spill over.

There was too much for me to contain, but it was too beautiful to hold back, so I let it spread and cocoon us in our own world of soft love. I reached over and brushed her bangs behind her ear. She looked at me, and I gave her a wobbly smile.

"Thanks, Jasper, for everything, but mostly just listening, being here, and being my love." She looked me in the eyes while she placed our combined hands on top of her now empty stomach.

"It was quite simple," I reassured. "I love you, Isabella, and that is what I was created for. Where else would I rather be than with you?" I finished as I rubbed her tummy, missing the way Cheyenne used to send me little kicks, letting me know of her presence.

"I love you too, Jasper."

"Imagine for a moment, if we'd never met . . ." I shook my head in denial. That wasn't a thought I could really entertain. It physically hurt me to think such a notion. "Indulge me – for a moment, Jazz." She knew how to play dirty, using the seldom used nickname I loved to hear falling from her lips.

"Fine," I groaned out, ever the long-suffering vampire.

She blinked before a mischievous little grin graced her lips. "You would be with your family and Esme could wrap you in her arms and never let go."

She giggled at her own joke while I gave her a lenient grin. Her laughter was the soundtrack to my soul. It didn't matter that her "joke" was ridiculous.

"Please, Bella," I said while I rolled my eyes; she continued to giggle. "Do you honestly think me that much of a mama's boy? I can go a few days without having to see my family. There are pretty self-reliant without me, angel. I have trained them well. Emmett even knows how to feed himself. And I would rather be here with you," I finished smartly.

"I don't know how long I can let you out of my sight, angel, on account you might disappear," I whispered the last line into her ear. I grasped her hand tighter, trying to convey my love for her.

She grinned, "I'm not going anywhere, Jasper, at least not soon. As for you being a mama's boy, I would have to disagree. It is said, however, the way a man treats his mother is a good sign of how he will treat his woman."

"Well in that case, I am the biggest pansy, mama's boy you'll have the pleasure of knowing." She let out a big unladylike snort, and it did my heart good; she just lit up like a Christmas tree when she laughed. Her face fell to the side as she finished her giggles. "Are you quite finished?" I poked her in the side, making her jump in disbelief.

"Yes, Jasper." She sobered up as my gaze became intense.

I adored the creature, lying beneath me. The sun may have set, the stars may have shined, but they were out-classed by my angel. Beneath me lay the most exquisite being that had ever graced my life. It could have only been divine providence that created her, before placing her in my path on a lonely September night. Everything in my world had aligned that evening, bringing it into the clearest focus it had ever been. Everything paled in comparison to her. We may have had our fights and misunderstanding, but the love never diminished.

"I love you," she whispered reverently.

"I love you too, angel," I murmured right back. I stared at her for a while longer, burning every minute detail into memory. I kissed her lips tenderly, knowing that's all she could take at the moment. I pulled back before placing my forehead to hers. I breathed in her scent. I knew the moment had become overwhelming, but I loved her so very much. I centered myself before changing the course of the conversation. Bella had wanted a light date, so I would try.

"And," I started, trying to put as much levity into the situation as possible, "I'm glad you realize how gorgeous I truly am."

She smacked me gently in the leg while rolling her eyes. My little one was the gorgeous one, but she didn't need to know that. My eyes however, spilled the truth. I pushed up on my forearms, watching the little angel beneath me. I loved how our legs were tangled together.

"That's something even a non-seeing person who couldn't miss, Jasper." I kissed her mirthful lips, before pulling back.

"Do you know what I'll miss about being human?" I studied her for a moment before shaking my head.

"Eating unhealthily," I said matter-of-fact. My girl rolled her beautiful eyes.

"Seeing you with my flawed eyes." I was a little taken aback by her statement. Why would she want substandard eyesight compared to that of a vampire's? Sometimes, her weird little brain made no sense to me.

"What," I squawked. "I'd thought you'd want to witness me in all my glory." Even though her eyes still shined with mirth, some seriousness came seeped in. I felt like we were both on a rollercoaster tonight; with the constantly changing emotions.

"I already see you in all your glorious beauty, my love." My heart broke a little at her wondrous words. She never failed to amaze me. "Perfect eye sight will be nice, but remember what I said to you, before I left and visited my mom?" That question was unnecessary. I remembered everything.

I entwined my fingers into her hair. It wasn't as lustrous as it used to be, but I still loved every part of her; fragile or not. I pushed my forehead onto hers, begin careful not to put my weight on her.

"You said, _'__I loved you the moment my eyes fell on you. Did you know what I first thought, my love?'_ I shook my head before you continued, _'Beautifully imperfect. That's something I shall never forget'._" I finished for her. My breath ghosted over her cheeks as I spoke into her face.

"And that's why I'll miss my current eye sight. You'll always be splendid to me, Jasper, but I'll miss seeing you the first time my gaze ever fell on you. Doesn't that seem so long ago?" Time was subjective to me, something I didn't really follow before her. But, Bella was right. It almost seemed like a lifetime ago. She was no longer that little girl who captured my heart and took part of my soul. She was now the woman that owned it completely.

"That it does, my love; that it does. Tell me a story, angel?" I asked seemingly out of the blue. The thought had just occurred to me before I spit it out. She gave me a look like I may have been joking, but as I laid my puppy eyes on her, my angel became putty.

"What would you like to hear?"

_Anything . . . everything . . ._

"Tell me a story from college." She bit the inside of her cheek. I could feel the nostalgia as she thought about what to tell me.

"Well . . . there was this one time in stretch class -"

"Stretch class?" I asked, unbelieving. Was there really such a thing?

"Really! One goes and learns to stretch and become more flexible. It's really for dancers, but I thought it'd be fun, not to mention, help with my lack of coordination." I snorted before gesturing for her to continue. She graciously rolled her eyes before continuing. I kissed her pouty lower lip.

"Anyway," she started again, trying to sound affronted.

She then proceeded to tell me how one move called for her to arch her back while remaining on her hands and feet. She said she looked like a "horseshoe". Anyhow, her foot gave way to an unsuspecting Mike that was trying to also bend backwards. Her foot then connected with his most sensitive organ.

I really tried not to laugh, but when one imagines another being kicked in the nuts, it was fucking funny. I was surprised that Mike had been able to have children.

"Real tears clouded his eyes, Jasper. I felt absolutely horrid. I tried to apologize, and he couldn't even get the words out to tell me that he was fine. He must have stayed curled up in the fetus position for at least fifteen minutes."

I kissed my girl soundly on the lips. "You're too much, angel. Damn, I adore you." She kissed me back with as much force as she could muster.

"I adore you also, Jasper, and it really wasn't that funny. I felt terrible." She couldn't fight the smile that came to her swollen lips.

"Your secret is safe with me."

We talked for a bit longer before her words were replaced with yawns. Bella had slowly made her way into my lap as the evening had progressed. I wrapped the blanket tightly around us; encasing our warmth from the chill of the air. Her scent continued to invade my nose, and I welcomed the assault. The night had been one of gentle contentment. We sat on a blanket, looking up at the night sky; it was another evening added to my limitless memories of her. Each one was beautiful and magnificent in their own right.

I kissed Bella's cheek, loving how she felt sleeping in my arms. She was safe and with me. My eyes wandered up to the heavens. I stared at the lights that were even more enchanting with vampire sight.

"You can't have her back," I told the night sky with passion. I didn't know what god had given her to me, but I couldn't return her. I was beyond selfish when it came to my girl. "I need her more than I could ever describe, both with my words and gift." The venom burned my eyes, but I disregarded the pain. It was nothing in the grand scheme of things. "Did you seriously think I could ever return something so utterly sublime?"

No answer came, not that I expected one. I was just letting them know my position and how things were going to be. There was absolutely NO other options.

"She's mine," I growled. "She's mine . . ." I repeated, burying my face in her neck, letting her hair brush my nose.

As the cold started to seep in and I was reassured the heavens knew that Isabella couldn't or wouldn't be returned, I picked her up gingerly in my arms and ran for home. I was sure not to rattle her too much. I knew she was in more pain these days and did her best to hide it. The pain pills helped, but also knocked her out for hours at a time. I despised the time she was taken from me, even in unconsciousness, but I was glad they provided her with some relief.

I knew the time was at hand, and there were only a handful of remaining days. Bella wasn't eating as much now and she weighted about the size of an Eagle's feather. I didn't care if her bones protruded more and I could feel each of them individual, my angel was still beautiful. Always would be.

Once we made it home and I placed her gently in her bed, I gave one more kiss to her chapped lips. My love seeped from me into her. She winced a little from the onslaught, but made no other sound. However, a little smile graced her lips. My heart broke for her.

I pulled back and went to check on my daughter for the night. I wanted to make sure she was fine. It had almost become an obsession with me.

As I entered her room, she once again somehow sensed me. Her little head turned to the side as a beguiling smile broke over her beautiful face. My daughter's little arms reached out for me as I bent over her crib. We both seemed to sigh as she placed her cheek on my chest. In her little footed pajamas, she looked absolutely adorable.

I sat us both in her glider chair and rocked her to sleep. "Everything will be perfect, my Cheye beauty," I reassured her, feeling with my entire being the truth of the words. It had to be and I couldn't entertain any other outcome.

I let a little of my love seep into her chubby, soft little body, being careful not to overwhelm. She snuggled deeper into me. I couldn't understand how she liked my stone chest, but my daughter showed me otherwise. Cheye closed her eyes and fell into the world of sleep where she joined her mother. Both of my girls may have been out for the night, but they were never out of my life. I cleaved onto them with a strength I didn't know I possessed.

Love surprised people like that.

* * *

Author's Notes: Hello, loves. I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. It was a pleasure to write. I so adore tapping into such deep emotions. Jasper and Bella were able to give that to me in this chapter. I really liked this chapter and now Bella resolved things with Mike, yay! I think there will always be some sadness when she things of him, but also a deep fondness. How could she not, he gave her Cheyenne (planned or unplanned, Bella loves her daughter till death).

Next up: her change.

Thank you to CC and the immense help and patience. You're amazing, love, and thanks for trying to keep up with my writing schedule! Many hugs sent your way!

Also, thanks to all those who reviewed last chapter! Many of them were really deep, and I appreciate that. I love all reviews, but when they get personal, there is something that just touches a writer's lowly heart. It helps me to connect even more!

Anyway, I hope everyone is well! Thanks again to everyone, and much love sent your way!

_Posted: Wednesday, 26 October 2011_

_PS. The stretch class is real, I took it in college . . . thought that was funny. Perhaps not (*shrugs shoulders*)_


	40. Chapter XXXIX

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended. I have to warn you now; there may be a need for tissues. I cried, but of course this is the last chapter (sans Epilogue of this story), and I'm extra emotional . . . No surprise there . . . LOL. Anyway, hope you enjoy and I'll see you at the bottom. Make sure to read the quotes before you read the chapter. I loved them (especially the first one).

**Chapter Thirty-Nine**

"_I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken, and the one that could always brighten up your day even if she couldn't brighten her own.__"_

_- Unknown_

"_If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I." _

_- Michel de Montaigne_

"_We are, each of us angels with only one wing; and we can only fly by embracing one another."_

_- Luciano de Crescenzo _

12 September – Tuesday Afternoon – Jasper's POV

"H-How do I look, Jazz?" Bella asked; her voice became strained from thirst. It sounded like she was peeling tape from a box. An involuntary shudder coursed through me. I wanted to sooth her aching voice, but I knew it was beyond my control. "Do I still look like your Bella?" The sound of her voice scraping against her battered throat was beyond dreadful.

My heart was just as battered and weeping inside my chest. My angel was suffering silently, and she continued to, all for the sake of love. A single tear escaped from her eye before it slithered its way to her lips. I slowly leaned in and captured her lone tear on my own lips as I kissed the corner of her mouth. It was the only tear I could take.

Bella ever-so-slowly smiled at my gesture; her eyes closed again. They were too heavy for her to keep open. I took my lips away from hers and made a trail to her right ear. She slightly shivered from our skin's contact with one another.

I whispered into her left ear, "You look even better, little angel." Fucking traitorous venom gathered in my eyes as I looked down at my suffering, yet strong girl, a peaceful smile gracing her lips.

"Hmmm, Jazz," she murmured. Her throat sounded worse the longer she spoke. She had to stop and gather her breath. My venom wanted to fall with each labored breath she took. My soul implored me to sooth each pang she experienced.

She tried to reach her hand to my face, but the effort was too great. I leaned in closer to her outstretched arm and kissed the inside of her beating wrist, allowing the slow thump of her pulse resonate on my lips. I willed it to become my own. My sadness tried to take over my body; however, I fought back the sobs that threatened to rack me, along with my grief.

"Hmmm, I love you," she hummed, "but you lie worth shit." A small laugh broke from the lump that clogged my throat, my lips stayed on her slow pulse point. She would never cease to amaze me. In the face of adversity, Bella was a rock and a never-ending source of strength.

"You seem to have me all figured out, little one," I played along, my breath grazed her overheated skin, "And . . . I love you more, even if my lying is below subpar; though I don't recall the exact or current price of shit." My angel just laughed, I basked in the weak sound. It was heard far too less. She started to cough from the excretion.

_Could my heart break any further? Did I even want the answer to that question? _

"Sorry, Jasper," she was quick to apologize for no reason. Her voice now resembled scratched bark. "I k-know how to ruin the moment, huh?" My heart seemed to squeeze more painfully, constricting the life out of me, not that there was much left.

"Never, little one. There's never a need to apologize for uncontrollable things." My voice was coming out harsh due to the strain from my emotions. "May I get you some water?" I wanted to do anything that would make her feel better, even if that required me going to Antarctica and fetching that water.

"No need, Jazz, I'm fine now." I knew she was lying. She never wanted to eat or drink anymore.

I overlooked the lie, and my lips found their way from her wrist to the column of her ever-sliming neck. I placed light kisses on her fragile skin that was as thin as paper. She still smelled of freesia and springtime. She tasted like the sweetest of honey and vanilla. Some people thought vanilla was plain and unoriginal, but they were so wrong. Vanilla was the first and the best. It was _the _original flavor, enticing people with its saccharine aroma. Vanilla was anything but plain, it was a choice above all others, just like my girl.

"Are you sampling me again, damsel?" Oh, she thought she was so cute with that dreaded nickname, and, oh . . . was she. I couldn't help but chuckle at her joke.

"Always, little one. Who could ever compare to you?" I was completely serious in my question. Bella was my life, the very core of my being, the very essence to my reason for existing.

She now enticed me with her beautiful smile, her lower pouty lip sticking out. I kissed her bottom lip, letting my mouth linger longer than necessary.

"Do you still want me, Jazz?" she croaked, and I wanted to cry out in my anguish. I wanted so much to take her place and to be the one in pain; it simply wasn't fair, but whatever was.

"Why would you ask me such a question, angel?"

"I was just t-thinking . . ." She had to stop to take the necessary breaths that sustained her delicate life, "that after it's all said and done . . ." Again needing to stop, her breathing become laborious, "I may . . . may not be worthy of you." I allowed time for the lump in my throat to somewhat clear, the venom in my eyes never ceased. My own torment racked my body continually. I leaned in again and pressed my mouth firmly to her ear before moving the wisps of her matted hair that tickled my lips.

"Isabella, listen to me; feel my lips as I speak the words. From the beginning – I was never worthy of you," I murmured into her ear, she shivered from the contact, "Do you understand?" She nodded and allowed a little shy smile to greet me. "From our first meeting under the heavens to the breath that touches you now, I was never worthy."

Another tear escaped her eye and ran onto my parted lips. I had loved the feel of her tears, not her crying, which broke my heart, but her tears. I brought my lips to hers and placed a soft kiss there, her lips became warm under my attention.

"Are you trying . . ." another pause, "to get me to feel sorry for you?" Leave it to my angel to try and make me laugh and then want to cry the very next moment.

"I would never do something so scandalous; you must have me confused with Emmett." She tried to giggle, but her parched throat caused her to almost choke. A horrible wrenching pain tore at me, just watching her suffer. I needed this to stop. I wanted her well again.

"Tired, baby," was all she was able to say. Her eyes were already shut. It was so very rare these days when I was given the privilege of seeing her deep murky and jade speckled orbs. Her eye lids fluttered as she tried to stay awake, making our time last longer. My head founds its way into her neck, her long hair brushing over my cheeks with each slow breath she took. I continued to hide my face in Bella.

When I was there, nothing was wrong; the troubles we faced were obscured by her hair and her scent. I didn't have to focus on anything but my angel and her breathing. With some fighting she finally drifted off into a place I was not welcomed, a place that took her from me constantly. I envied anything that took her away, except my little Cheye beauty, she only added to my joy.

My hand rose and fell with her flat tummy. I rubbed gentle circles.

I closed my eyes and allowed her shallow, sporadic breaths to calm my overactive mind. I tried to match my breaths with hers. I listened to her heartbeat, feeling the vibrations on my face. I brought her right hand to my face and placed kisses on each of her tiny fingers before placing it in my hair. Bella had loved to stroke my curls, saying how "they were spun by the angles themselves". A smile fought to make its way onto my mouth as I thought of her silly comments. My angel was silly at times.

I continued to run her hand through my hair, pretending that it was Bella herself doing it, and fought back a sob. I never wanted her to witness my sadness and agony, she was selfless and did everything for others, and the least I could do was try and be brave.

After a while of her soft breathing, I reached out and listened to the going on(s) in the house. I could hear my Cheye beauty babbling from somewhere in the house; her light spirit filling me with a sense of happiness. She was a blessing in my life that Bella had gifted me with. Cheyenne's very presence made me smile in my depressing times. She did that to everyone around her.

"Dada," she gurgled; it was mixed in with her other unintelligible baby talk. I could hear Esme kissing her cheek.

"I love you, Cheyenne," Esme told her in a voice dripping with emotions. I could feel her love, sadness, and peace mixed in with Cheyenne's innocent inner calm. My little daughter didn't really understand what was happening to her mommy.

"grrrr," she growled at Esme. I gave a light chuckle as I listened to her growling. No matter how many times I heard her do that, it would never get old and it could make me chuckle. Carlisle joined in my laughter and kissed her other cheek. She was surrounded by love and adoration.

"Why are you growling at Nana, Cheyenne?" he fake-scolded her. I could feel his humor at the situation. He almost loved her more than the rest of us, but that was fine. Cheyenne was the most precious thing in our family and brought joy to everyone's being.

Cheyenne clapped her hands together and said in her delightfully innocent voice, "mmmboomboom . . . dada . . . Emmm."

I wondered if she was trying to get Emmett and me in trouble to save her little fanny for growling at Nana. Carlisle and Esme's laugh mingled together and filled me with calm.

"I figured as much, Cheye; it is your daddy's fault," Carlisle surmised matter of factually in his doctor voice. I knew my baby was trying to get me in trouble, but I didn't care. If my daughter was happy, that's all that mattered.

I let my mind drift from the wonderful scene downstairs, to the angel who slept in my arms. I took my face from her neck and looked into her face. Her lips were chapped and lightly parted, as if trying to make it easier to breath.

I removed my hands from around her flat stomach and brought them to her face. I rubbed my thumbs over the apples of her pale cheeks. Her skin still felt like silk, just thinner. Her eyes seemed even bigger with each pound she lost. Her pain and anguish was written in her depths and each tear that fell from her haunted eyes. No matter the pain, she put on her brave mask, trying to hide her agony from others. I knew better; I could feel each sorrow that tormented her soul and each pain that touched her body; each one destroyed me a little more.

"I love you, angel," I breathed softly against her dry lips. I lowered my head onto her chest and felt my head move with her breathing.

…

After another few hours passed, I could hear Cheyenne start to become fussy. I felt bad because I was away from her more and more these days. I loved my Cheye beauty, but I also loved her mother. It was such a hard line to live on. Cheyenne couldn't go that long without me. Even though it warmed my heart to think she needed me so much and loved me unconditionally, I didn't want to be separated from Bella. It was selfish of me to deprive her, but I needed her mother more than I needed blood to survive. I took my head from my angel's chest as I heard Cheyenne become fussier.

"Dada, dada, dada," she started to cry out, making my heart pull in two. She was tired and fighting her sleep, just like her mother had. I leaned into Bella and kissed her forehead.

"I'll be back soon, angel. Duty calls and our daughter requires me." When Bella gave no response (not that I expected such), I untangled myself from her and made my way downstairs. Cheye must have sensed me coming because she started to look around frantically. Her cries became more demanding. I could see Esme holding the struggling baby, trying to calm her cries and not hurt her in the process.

"I'm here, my Cheye beauty."

Esme turned with her and in seeing me; her little blue eyes filled with more tears; she reached out and started to whimper.

"Dada," she continued to mumble around the fist in her mouth, a little line of drool escaping.

I took the struggling baby from Esme and encircled her in my arms. Cheye burrowed her face into my neck and removed her fist from her mouth. Her little chubby hands clutched onto my shirt, making sure no one could take her from me. I chuckled a little at her insistence. I felt her little tears wet my neck as they slid into the collar my shirt and disappeared. My heart, if still beating, would stop every time she grabbed onto me like I was her world, her savior. I kissed her curly blonde hair at her temple and savored the innocent, clean smell.

"I love you, darling. I'm sorry I wasn't here. There is no excuse for ignoring you; I'm sorry." I knew she couldn't understand my words, but I sent her some of my love, making sure to never overwhelm her with my feelings.

"Dada," she murmured again as she burrowed her face into my neck even further. Like Bella, she never felt my coldness.

Carlisle came back from the kitchen with her bottle. Every time I saw it, my heart hurt. Bella had wanted to nurse her, but never had that opportunity. I remembered her crying for the loss of her bonding experience. I could do nothing but hold on and allow her to express her emotions. I shook the old memory away.

"Here, Jasper, she might be hungry." I could feel she was a little hungry, and would probably eat.

"Thanks, Carlisle." My father smiled at me with love and pride in his eyes. It still amazed him to see me fathering. He had always hoped for all of his child to have that opportunity. He knew it wasn't really possible, yet Bella had proved us wrong and I was miraculously a father.

"Are you ready to eat, Cheyenne? I can feel your hunger." She removed her head from my neck and placed her chubby hands on my face. They were still a little wet from her sucking on them earlier. She answered me in her babble, while giving me a toothless smile. I laughed at her face along with Carlisle and Esme.

My family loved to watch my interaction with her. They always commented how animated she became, not that she wasn't with the others; it was just different. My lips made their way to her neck and I gently blew a raspberry into her soft skin. Her wild, high pitched giggles filled the air, along with the others. Rose and Emmett had joined us and smiled at the scene we made.

"grrrr, dada" Cheyenne said in between her deep belly laughs.

"Is that so, darling, well – I think you need to be punished for trying to get me in trouble earlier." I blew a little harder on her neck and her laughs became even louder. I simply loved my baby.

"grrrr, dada, grrrrr," she growled once again, making everyone chuckle even more.

"I'll take that as an apologize; and let this be a lesson to you, young lady." When she finished laughing, she placed her mouth onto mine and gave me more of her spit than anything else. It was her version of a kiss. Emmett shuddered at her slobber and received a slap for his troubles.

Cheyenne was getting tired and rubbed her little forehead on my cheek, as her little mouth yawned. I laid her down in my arms, placing her head in the crook. I placed her bottle in her mouth and watched her little lips take the nourishment her body needed. Her hands reached up and covered mine as I held on to the bottle. She wound her chubby fists around mine, looking into my eyes. It was as if she was able to read my soul.

Her eyes were as large as Bella's, but somehow wider. The last of her tears sparkled, making her eyes look impossibly blue and serene. I fell in love with her even more, and more of my soul became hers. I could never imagine what having a child would have been like, but it could have never met my expectations. Having Cheye was beyond description, filling up a part of me I never even knew existed.

Cheyenne's eyes started to droop, her mouth became still. I leaned in and gently kissed my beauty's cheek. Her little mouth started sucking again and I silently smile at her reaction. Everyone watched as she continued to fall into sleep.

"I love you, darling," I whispered into another kiss. When I removed my lips from her cheek, I could hear Bella begin to cough. This was not uncommon, but I could feel her pain, and the more she began to cough, the more pain I could feel.

…

"Jas . . ." she tried to call between her coughs, making them even worse. My name falling from her lips roused me into action. My fear increased and my need to be with her went through the roof. I ran over to Esme and handed Cheyenne to her. My movement must have woken her because her eyes shot opened as she took in her surroundings. When she noticed I was trying to hand her to Esme, she started to whimper, not wanting to be from my arms. I didn't want her to cry, but her mother also needed me.

"I love you," I quickly whispered in her ear, trying to put as much apology into it.

I gave her to Esme. Cheyenne, not liking my action, started to wail. I wanted to sooth her and take her in my arms, but Bella's coughing was getting worse. I could feel her need for me. I ran up the stairs as the cries of Cheye made me want to hold her. I had no time to spare to send her to sleep.

"Dada, dada!" she continued to scream as I finally reached Bella.

My angel was on her side, and to my surprise, Edward was there. He had her hand in his while he moved her hair from her face. I could now hear the comforting words he was giving her. I immediately became jealous, but then realized my petty emotions didn't matter. Bella needed me and I needed her. She was my everything, and nothing came before her.

Bella must have heard me come in because she moved her eyes to mine. I could see the tears gathered in hers. I quickly moved to her, taking her hand from Edward's. He gave me a weird look before finally relinquishing his hold. I didn't have time to analyze his emotions.

"Jasper," she mumbled through her hacking. My hands reached out to her and she clasped onto mine.

"What angel? I'm here, I promise."

I could still hear Cheyenne crying her little lungs out down stairs. No one seemed to be able to comfort her. She kept screaming for me, but I was screaming inside for Bella. My mind continued to swirl and my emotions became evermore stretched. My mind was pulling me in the direction of my daughter, and my heart was pulling me in the direction of my angel. My soul presented, juxtaposed, imagines of both Bella and Cheyenne, telling me to pick. I just couldn't. It wasn't fair to either.

"Jas . . ." Bella cried, trying to gain her breath back. My mind was screaming for me to do something, but I just didn't know what was expected of me. I felt like my body was in a constant battle, and for what, I couldn't be sure. "Cheye, Jas . . ." Did Bella want me to leave her and comfort Cheyenne?

"What, angel, what do you want me to do?" I pleaded with her a little roughly. Tears started to fill my eyes, and the screams of my child filled my ears. Madness couldn't have been far from this chaos.

"Bring . . . her . . . Jas, bring Cheye," Bella finally rasped. I looked over at Edward, silently asked him to get Esme. I couldn't leave Bella's side. I needed to be by my angel. He gave me a silent nod and left the room. I looked at Bella and gave her a terribly weak smile. It was my apology to her. I was apology to everyone and it didn't change a damn thing. Her cough had somewhat subsided. She tried to return my smile.

"Edward went to get Cheye, angel. I can't leave your side, I need you, baby."

"Jasper, need you, too!" she told me with a whisper on her lips.

Her tears were now falling freely down her face. They remained unchecked. I placed my lips below her eyes and kissed each side while telling her of my love. Her tiny fingers found their way into my hair, running through the curls that fell over my eye. I could hear Rose coming into the bedroom with Cheyenne in her arms. When my daughter saw me, her cries became louder her little chubby arms reaching out for me to take her.

I was an fucking terrible father, I had done that to her.

"Dada!" she whimpered through her cries. The word that usually brought a smile to my face, now sounded terrible. I never wanted to hear it in that context.

My heart fell at her tears and her red eyes. They were so sad and her baby blues were dark with her fear. My baby needed me and I had left her, but I needed Bella also. I knew these reasons didn't matter to Cheyenne; she didn't know any better.

Rose came closer and placed her in my arms. Cheye immediately wrapped her tiny arms around my neck and hid her face in my shoulder. Her cries became hums, but I could still feel her distress. Her little body shook with her quieted sobs.

Cheyenne's love for me was amazing, but I never understood her preference for me over everyone. Bella shed more tears at the sight of her daughter in pain. My guilt became overwhelming. I rubbed Cheye's back as I leaned into Bella's side.

"I'm sorry, angel. I just needed to get to you. I swear she was asleep, but then woke up when everything started. She must have been woken up by my emotions. I never meant to leave her. I love her. But I also love you, Bella. Please you must see that . . ." I was silenced by Bella's hand over my mouth. I brought my lips closer to her opened palm and placed kisses on it. Her smile widened and I wanted to just cry like a child.

"No, Jasper, It's fine. My fault a-anyway," she reassured me as her love surrounded me in all its glory. It was amazing to feel and live. I knew the rest of the family was scattered in the room, but we were in our own little world: our little family. Bella looked at her daughter in my arms and grinned.

"She loves you s-so."

"I know, baby, and I love you."

She gave a little sob at my declaration. The venom filling my eyes desperately wanted to join hers. Bella placed her hand on Cheye's back and rubbed gently. Finally feeling secure in the safety of my arms, Cheyenne moved her head and looked at who was touching her. At the sight of her mother, she gave her a little grin, but still held on to me, making no move to leave.

"May I hold her?" Bella asked me, and I felt bad. I never wanted her to feel she had to ask permission to hold her own child.

"Of course, angel. There is never a need to ask such a silly question." She graced me with a smile and tried to hold out her arms. The energy it took to reach her child eluded her. Bella's arms feel helplessly to the bed. Tears of frustration filled her chocolate eyes; my hurt for her desperation filled me, causing me to love her even more.

"It's fine, angel. I'll bring her to you. You have an incredibly handsome vampire at your beck and call." She rolled her eyes while slightly giggling.

Emmett scoffed and everyone else joined in Bella's tinkling laughter. I moved even closer to her side before sitting down. I slowly placed Cheye in my lap, getting her use to the new position.

She looked up at me and gave me one of her silly smiles. Her eyes were still rimmed with red, and my guilt increased. I never knew how it was possible for me to feel so many things without combusting.

I placed Bella's hand on her daughters and tried moving Cheye over even more. When she didn't cry, I moved even further away and placed Bella's arms around her. I knelt down on the bed, helping her support some of Cheye's weights.

Cheyenne's little chunky legs were spread before her and her back sagged as she leaned forward. She placed her hand on her mother's face and Bella kissed her baby fingers. Cheyenne acknowledged her mother with her title, making Bella's face shine with so much love and happiness, that only a child could do.

"Mama," she simply cooed. Bella's joy was beautiful to feel. Her smile was so full and her eyes were heavy with her tears of happiness.

When she finally blinked, they fell in celebration of her daughter recognizing her as 'mama'. I could hear Esme and Rose crying from the hall. They knew how much it meant to a mother in hearing her baby call out to her. Bella was never upset that Cheye had said dada first, or wanted to be in my arms. She loved her daughter and celebrated her accomplishments.

"Yes, darling, mama," Bella encouraged, after calming her constant tears. She grabbed Cheye and tried to bring her closer to her body. Cheye realized I wasn't holding her any longer, and turned toward me and away from Bella.

For the first time, I was able to see her sadness at her daughter's rejection. She understood that Cheye didn't know better, but it didn't lessen her disappointment. Cheyenne started to whimper again and desperately tried to get back into my arms.

My heart tore to shreds for Bella, my heart broke for my Cheye beauty and her constant fear of not being near me, and my heart broke for my little family and our pain.

Bella stopped reaching for her and just smiled in consolatory. I picked our daughter up; and she again clung to me for dear life. I was lost in understand her need for me. I was tainted beyond belief, yet my daughter was a pure little baby that was never blemished. But she looked to me for her comfort and love. She looked to me for her safety and protection. It made me feel more vulnerable that such a little thing would have such a want for me.

"It's okay, honey. No more crying." She seemed to understand my words because her whimpers ceased. "That's my beauty. Just like your mama," I said looking into Bella's eyes. They glistened and her grin brought a small measure of harmony to me.

As I heard the family turning around to leave us to our privacy, my world stopped.

_Would the rollercoaster ever cease?_

…

Bella had started coughing again, but this time she didn't stop. I reached down and rubbed her back, trying to help her in any way I could. Cheye could sense my distress and started to whimper and cling tighter. I looked away from her and down at my angel. I could see a stream of red coming out of her mouth, sliding down her chin. Her coughing was making her throw-up blood.

I could feel Edward's hunger and my mind froze. I knew Bella was his singer, and I knew what it felt like to be taken over by that monster which thirsted after the blood of their _cantante_.

"Emmett, grab Edward and take him, now, dammit!" I commanded.

Edward instantly lunged forward; however, Emmett grabbed him in time. The noise was deafening and caused Cheyenne to jump in terrible fright. I was unable to help Emmett, I held my quaking daughter. I'd never put her in harm's way. Cheye was in stress, it radiated through all the chaos. I pushed as much calm as I could to her, trying my hardest to be cautious.

I was in over my head and felt the need to run from the mass emotional pandemonium. My skin felt like it was about to burst with all that I was retaining.

Bella continued to bleed from her mouth and Rose held her breath, attempting to help Emmett with Edward. Carlisle raced around the struggling Edward and placed himself in front of his daughter and little love.

"Esme, please take Cheye; I can't do anything with her in my arms!" Esme finally broke out of her fear and rushed behind Carlisle, towards me. She reached for Cheye, and after a little difficultly, peeled her tiny fists from my shirt and out of my hold.

My little beauty started to wail at the top of her lungs, at the injustice of being taken from me yet again. She simply didn't understand why she had to leave. Not to mention the fright she was experiencing.

"Dada, dada, dada, no . . . no . . . no!" she screamed out for me. Her face was flushed with her screams and her tears made her look even more desperate; her body contorted in my mother's arms, fighting to get back to me. My arms called for her, to sooth my darling, but I needed to be away from her.

"Esme, please, I can't take her calling out to me. It breaks me! Please, take her into the fucking living room!" I implored her.

Esme looked to see if Edward and the other's were gone. When she finally realized she was free to go, she ran from the room. Cheye was now frantic with her need for me, and my heart was beyond shredded. When they had finally left I looked over to Carlisle and saw he was attending to Bella.

…

My world turned upside down at the sight of my angel. Her shirt was stained with blood, and her hair was matted with sweat. She was coughing uncontrollably, and her body was racked with agony as she shook from her excretion. Her little body was thrown half way off the bed as the blood from her mouth continued to seep out. I ran over to her and picked her up. My arms went around her as I cradled her to me.

"Isabella, please!" I begged her uselessly. I couldn't understand what I was asking.

Bella was broken in my arms, and I didn't know how to fix her. Her coughing finally subsided, but her blood continued to fall from her lips, and now her nose was starting to bleed. I became more confused and disoriented. My every instinct was demanding me to protect her.

Carlisle was taking her pulse, and his face became even grimmer as each second passed. Bella's eyes were shut, but her face was scrunched up in pain. Tears continued to pour from her eyes and mixed with her red blood that made her weaker as it ran from her body onto my own.

"Jasper, I'm sorry, son, but there isn't much time. I'm not sure how much longer she has, but I know it isn't long." I became completely lost at my father's words. All of the stress and emotion finally sent me careening. All of Bella's pain, all of Cheye's pain, and the rest of the pain from my family mixed with my own and finally brought me down.

The sobs that I had so valiantly fought off were no longer held at bay. I pulled my angel further into my arms and buried my face in her blood stained neck. Great sobs coursed through my body, making it difficult for me to stay up right.

Finally succumbing to the pull, I fell to the side and allowed the sobs to run their course. My body throbbed with the strain and my limbs felt like lead. I was tried and felt like never going on. My time had come and the promise I made to Bella was here. I mourned for her loss and her life. I mourned for her emotions and her lost opportunities. I mourned for her freedom and all she was leaving behind. I knew there was no going back, and I had made my decision.

I was selfish enough to bite into her fragile skin and sink my venom into her soft veins. _Fucking yes I was_.

My weeping finally subsided. I looked at the little one in my arms. I remembered the first time I had met her, and the amazing power she had over me. I remembered her innocence and her love for everything. I remembered our time in the airport. And on and on . . .

I leaned my head in and kissed her blood-tinged lips. Her life-source was amazing to taste, but I didn't linger on it. I felt the shape of her lips, the taste of her mouth, and the smell of her breath. I inhaled her exhaled breath and held it in my lungs. It was a part of her that had been necessary for her to sustain life. I placed a lingering kiss her pouty lower lips and slid my blood coated lips to her cheeks. I kissed each of them and then her fluttering eye lids. They felt so limp under my roaming mouth. I moved to her ear and placed another kiss on her temple. With one more breath, I whispered to her all that my heart held.

"My little angel, I love you. No matter the time or the place. The sky could be falling or the world coming to an end, and I'd still love you. I may burn and my body turned in to dust, but even then I'd love you. Nothing, nothing could ever take that away from you, angel!"

I took another unnecessary breath and continued to murmur emphatically and ardently in her ear, "You are mine, Isabella, and I am yours. Someone once wrote to me to _always remember_, and I have, angel. Every word, every movement, every breath, every tear, every kiss, every whimper of emotion, every sigh from our loving, every flutter of an eyelash, and everything in between has been seared into my mind. I have always belonged to you; my soul has always been yours, even when we were separated. You were in my every thought, in my every breath, in my every movement. All that I am, is because of you, little angel, and I thank you. I thank you for your love and devotion. But most importantly, I thank you for your life."

"My love," she rasped, her voice almost gone from the trauma to her already strained throat.

"Open your eyes for me, angel, one last time," I gently commanded her. She could never deny me her eyes, no matter how mad she ever became. She knew how much I loved them. With what little strength she had, her eye lids opened and I lost myself in her love. The brown was so deep and luminescent. Every mystery to my soul and our love was written in the depths. Her jade flecks were vibrant and danced with the little life she retained. They spoke of her promise to me, she was ready and they pleaded with me to make her mine forever. Her gaze completely overtook my soul and all that I had was for her.

"No need to look at me like that, little one," I shamelessly joked with her. I valiantly choked back the emotions clawing at my gut. "All you ever had to do was show me your mint and chocolate eyes, and I was forever gone. You always had me at a disadvantage, angel."

"Never wanted you t-there, Jasper. Just wanted you as my . . . own, however you came. Never cared for perfection, only for my flawed damsel in distress. I cared for you, and I cared for the love of my forever." Her lips finished with a weak smile. I leaned in and kissed her mouth again, letting her feel all the love I had for her.

"Hmmm, Jas, simply amazing," she whispered and closed her eyes as my love encircled her, flowing into her frail body; her lips turned into a tranquil smile.

"Ready, Jasper. Time, my love. Make me yours, until there is nothing left, but our eternity." Her crystal tears fell down in glittering diamonds from her eyes, making her look otherworldly and almost too perfect. It didn't matter how much blood was smeared on her face and neck.

"Damn, you are so beautiful, angel." I could say no more. I was enraptured in her.

"No more stalling, love, it's now. I can almost feel the end. I can see . . ." she said, her smile became ethereal, "beauty." My fear started to rise. She couldn't leave me. I knew she wouldn't, she promised. I knew it was time, and I wanted her for always, never to be without her. I leaned in and kiss her forehead one last time.

Then for the fifth and final time since I was turned, a single venom-tear slipped from the rim of my overfilled eye and landed in Bella's hair. I moved my lips to her ear, repeating for a final time while her heart beat, sustaining her life depleting love, my adoration.

"Forever, little angel; I love you, forever, Isabella."

She moaned, "As I you."

I grazed my lips to my favorite part of her neck and allowed my tongue to sample her once more, remembering her fragile taste above her beating pulse.

"From the beginning to the end, angel!"

And with one more soft kiss to her neck, her blood on my lips and a gasp from Isabella; I closed my eyes, listened to the slowing of her heartbeat and I gave her all that I was from the first to the last.

With a sigh from her beautiful lips, and a look into her magnificent eyes, my Bella clipped her angel wings and joined me in my forever. The heavens wept with their loss as my teeth sunk into her neck and my venom began flowed through her veins.

She was mine.

_THE END… _

_But not finished, never finished._

* * *

Author's Notes: So loves, I hope the last regulated chapter of this story didn't disappoint. If so, I'm sorry.

I did enjoy this chapter, however. I've had it written for over a year now and always went back to it. When I had writer's block or felt like no one liked this story, I would read it and know that I just had to post it. I received the push and drive I needed to finish. I still cannot believe this is it. It's been an incredible ride! Thank you for traveling it with me, loves! :*)

Now, I have the epilogue written (about 14,000 words . . . yes very long). My question is: would you like it in one lump sum or broken up? I know that 14,000 words can be a lot to digest. So please let me know either way. I also have another chapter to post before the epilogue, but it's something different. It won't progress the story along, but I had to write it. I should post that in a couple of days.

Thanks to CC and all of the help with this chapter. Sorry for bothering you, but I appreciate you, sweets!

If you have the time or inclination, I'd love to know your thoughts! Thanks for the many reviews and the time each of you put into them. I have loved them! I hope all is well with everyone and so much love sent your way!

_Posted: Friday, 4 November 2011_


	41. Epilogue

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended. Enjoy, loves!

**Epilogue**

"_Who could tell such a story with dry eyes?"_

_- Virgil_

Bella's POV – Present (three years after being turned) – Mid morning

The light was bright and I welcomed the intrusion in my eyes. I adored basking in its healing rays. My sighs left my mouth and floated up to the cloudless blue. I was beyond happy. My unclothed arms moved through the sea of grass and I giggled at the softness that tickled my skin. Such small things brought many smiles to my face. I had been born a child of the sun and therefore worshipped its gentleness caressing my skin. The many facets on my flesh shined from the day star's attention, and I became lost in the radiance of the sparkle.

Some thought our skin a curse and a punishment for the demon that resided in us; I thought differently, of course; even being a vampire didn't make my mind normal. Even though we couldn't go out in the sun around regular people, I looked at my skin as a sort of forgiveness. Yes, we may have a demon residing under our diamond-hard skin, but it sparkled in the sun, showing us that we were still beautiful, still worth the attention of the healing rays. The sun was life incarnate, and unlike the Hollywood version of vampires, we didn't burn under the attention of the Sun, but shined in brilliance.

It was one of the many things I had come to learn as a vampire.

The very beginning of my eternal existence hadn't been the smoothest, but the last few years had been almost surreal in their happiness. I never thought such elation could exist. I had been privy to my delightful moments as a human, but the constant barrage of bliss was never ending. How could one be so eternally happy? I didn't know, but my family soaked in every available moment. Jasper all but bounced off the wall with his gift. I felt a little guilty when he became high off my happiness, _my handsome man_.

I hadn't always been happy, especially in the beginning. The pain I had felt had been indescribable during my change. Pain was defined as physical suffering or discomfort caused by illness or injury. Well no offense to whomever characterized that particular word, but they were truly full of something rotten (pig shit, my friends). Tears would have come to my eyes as I laughed at the paltry and worthless definition. Perhaps they should have had liquid lava poured directly into their veins then diluted with strait acid before doused with gasoline and sent on fire. Then, _maybe_, they would have felt my dissertation on pain.

During my human illness, my fragile body had felt pain, _oh yes_, and I had thought it bad. However, as Jasper pumped more and more of his acidic venom into my skin, I begged to differ.

I had been warned of the suffering I would have to endure, but they seemed to have left out, in vivid detail, the true amount of agony I would feel. I couldn't fault them. Truly, if I had to go through this excruciating hell ten times over, the price was insignificant compared to being with Jasper.

There would come a time when my physical limitations would have taken me from him, be it old age or a terminal illness (which I had). I wasn't "safe" as long as I stayed in some form of Human.

Six days I had spent burning. I hadn't known the exact time, until I had been told later on. They had seemed both distraught and relieved at the thought. The time didn't really matter anymore. During the first part of my change, all I could focus on was the antagonizing torture I was undergoing. Nothing and no one had ever hurt me as much. I wanted to beg for this existence to be over, but knew it was fruitless. The venom continued to course through my veins.

. . .

Bella's POV during her change – 12 September (three years previous)

I was well aware that this step was required for me to join my love. However, a piercing scream was something I hadn't bargained for, nor was warned about. I could have been burning in the most raging fires of hell and still would have known that scream; it had been from my daughter. For some reason, it wasn't a wail of hunger, wetness, or just wanted to be held by Jasper, it was one of pain.

I begged for my limbs to move, to carry me to her, but they wouldn't obey. The only thing they did was continue to burn. I struggled with all my might, but it was in vain. I knew tears of frustration and utter failure filled my aching eyes; even they weren't exempt from the acid taking over my body. Her screams continued to cut through me quicker and more efficiently than the burning.

I did the only thing available to me: I reached out to her mentally. I had no idea what this would accomplish, but I wanted her reassured that mommy was here and doing everything possible to protect her. Within minutes of me reaching out to her, the extreme wailing had stopped and was replaced with gentle whimpers. They still cut at me, but I instinctively knew she wasn't in pain anymore.

The thing I never expected was that my pain would increase. It was like an even more potent acid had been poured into my veins and set on fire with an atom bomb. I didn't know how much more pain I could endure, but if my daughter was no longer screaming, I would endure twice as much. It was what a mother did for her child. It was what I did for my child; her well-being was always placed above my own.

Even though the pain had increased past my endurance, I hung on; there was nothing else to do. I pushed around it and focused on her. I needed to keep everything away and make sure she was well. I didn't know how my brain was able to process all of this, but I didn't care.

_As long as Cheyenne is protected and safe, Bella . . . _

As more time passed, with each second feeling like its own eternal punishment, I heard another person start to scream. It was like chaos had opened up around me and I didn't understand what the hell was happening. I checked the link with my daughter and made sure she was still fine. Once reassured, I tried to suss out the other person. Someone had been reading to me about my life (I recognized the stories as each one were read), but even that little comfort and distraction discontinued. It was as if the reader was focused on the person in pain.

The more I internalized, the more I came to understand. It had been Papa C who had been reading to me. His voice had been honey over silk. I never realized the silkiness to it before. Now, however, I heard the distress and worry. Even though he spoke in clipped, professional tones, the hurt and failure could still be detected. What had he failed at . . . and more importantly . . . where was Jasper?

My mind had now processed he wasn't near me, and I hadn't heard his voice since I was bitten. It was like once he professed his love to me, and everything had gone blank for me before I registered the intense pain, I hadn't heard my love. It was scary to think he wasn't near me.

_Did he change his mind? Did he no longer desire me?_ These were debilitating questions that brought my insecurities to the very forefront of my mind. I didn't know how I could concentrate on so much at once. It was as if I had three brains inside my skull, each competing for attention.

The whimpers started again and I became distracted by the sound, tone and pitch. I could make out that it was a man's voice. The timbres were deep in their intensity. It almost sounded like growls, but they weren't quite that throaty. Perhaps the Cullen's had found another person to change. I couldn't really fathom that thought. I knew Jasper would object vehemently about bringing another uncontrollable vampire around his daughter. Carlisle wouldn't do anything to make him upset, especially with me burning hotter than the sun.

More voices started to filter into my mind. They sounded somewhat familiar. One sounded loud and boisterous. I had an urge to cover my ears from the loud yelling. The other sounded almost wounded, like they were in pain themselves, but more mental. The more I concentrated, the more I was able to make out the sounds. _Edward's here_. No matter how much he spoke around me, his self-hatred filled voice was very distinct. The loud one had to be Emmett. There was no one as inappropriately loud as him. I didn't even know if he truly realized.

If Carlisle, Edward and Emmett were accounted for, the antagonized voice I heard was . . .

_Life was never fair and I couldn't understand why it had conspired against me_.

. .

I felt cold hands on my arm and wondered why someone was touching me. All I wanted was for them to make Jasper all right. To hell with me and the pain I was suffering, that was inevitable. I didn't want Jasper to hurt. He had gone through more than entire family's share of pain. _Why was my loving man even whimpering_?

"It's fine, Isabella," I heard crooned into my heart.

_Carlisle. _

Even though his voice was meant to be comforting and reassuring, I knew he was lying. I had never known him to tell any falsehood to me; and I didn't understand why he started now, not that I could cast any stones.

I must have whimpered again because he was answering me. Perhaps he knew I didn't believe him about my love being okay. He shouldn't have been whimpering. There was no reason for him to be feeling any pain, except what he felt personally and that which was projected to him through his gift. But Japer had weathered that pain before without any physical manifestation.

"H-He . . . my son is also burning, Isabella!" he finally relented in a tormented voice. Not only was I burning, and my daughter had been screaming for some unknown reason, but now his son was also hurting. How much more was our father supposed to endure? "I don't understand it, little l-love," his voice continued to break.

I wanted to take him in my arms and hide him from the sorrow, but I still couldn't move, my entire body was still being scorched by the sun, and I was still monitoring my daughter.

"He's been through entirely too much, yet it seems as if fate is against your little family. He's already been through this process and I cannot understand why he's doing it again. I've never encountered such a thing. Chey –" There was a slight hesitation in his voice before he started explaining again. "I know you've heard Cheyenne screaming earlier, but it miraculously stopped. It cannot be explained, daughter. I would have taken on her pain if it were in my power!" he lamented.

I knew Carlisle loved us more than himself. Self-preservation had no bearing on him in regards to his family. To hear the utter torment and dejection in his voice because he couldn't stop our pain was beleaguering.

"Forgive me, little love," he pleaded. His grip on my hand tightened, and instead of hurting me, it somehow gave me the strength and the fortitude to push through more of my pain. I'd never understand how that was even possible. I was being eaten alive by the sun's flames.

So, as I had done with Cheyenne, and focusing Carlisle's grasp, I reached out to Jasper. I, again, didn't know what I was doing, but I had to try. I couldn't stand to think of him in pain. It wasn't fair.

My daughter started to scream again and the immense pain I had been feeling lessened. I immediately knew this was the wrong thing and pulled back. I focused on my daughter, making sure she was comforted and pain free. Her screams tore at me even more than Jasper's whimpers. Cheyenne was the most innocent of all.

Once she quieted down again, and I knew for a surety she was protected, I once again reached out to Jasper. My heart seemed to accelerate as I felt a sure connection to him. I couldn't explain the connection, no sooner than I could explain our bond; I just knew I was touching him somehow.

With every ounce of strength and concentration I could muster, I reached out to him mentally (already realizing it was the only way I could) and willed the pain from him. I didn't want my love to hurt; I wanted to take it all upon myself. It was only fair. I wasn't being selfless or noble, but fair. It was the decent thing to do. My phantom angel had suffered enough and now . . . it was my turn.

I knew the moment it worked because just as I had done with Cheyenne, his pain seemed to become my own, _literally_. I had to forcefully bite down on my tongue to stop from screaming out as my back arched off the bed. It was the first time I had moved, even involuntarily. My throat all but begged me to yell out, but I refused.

Blood instantly filled my mouth and I could feel the lining on my throat tear. More acid continued to pour from my body, as my mouth and throat filled with rancid blood. It felt as if someone with the sharpest talons known to man had clawed at me, tearing my skin like it was made of the thinnest material, but none of it matter.

I registered that Jasper had stopped whimpering, and knew he was no longer in pain. It was all that mattered, him and our daughter ache free.

That was the last conscious thought I had for a while. My mind and body couldn't focus on anything else besides my wards, my intense suffering and making sure I didn't turn into complete ash. My mind begged and pleaded for me to scream, to help release some of the pint up anguish, but I couldn't oblige. The inside of my throat was torn to shreds, and it throbbed uncontrollably just thinking about swallowing.

_Would the pain ever lessen? Would I ever become burnt enough to join Jasper and Cheyenne again? Would my agony ever know any bounds or would I continue to atone for the sins I had made as a human? Would Jasper still love me, desire me, after he took in the damage of my acid eroded body? Would my daughter ever find comfort in the arms of her mother or would they simply fall off, not being able to sustain anymore blazing?_

All these questions and more plagued my mind, keeping me locked in a world of cruelty and mercilessness. Oh, the voices loved taunting me. The only think I had been able to consciously focus on was the plight of my small family. I refused to lose my tentative connection to them. Nothing short of death could loosen my attention on them.

"I can't explain it, son," I heard Carlisle. Once again I was pulled away from the world where only my pain existed and I could only keep focus on both Cheyenne and Jasper. I wasn't sure how long I had been out of commission, but he now had my attention. I wanted to kiss his cheek. He provided an escape from the constant aching that was burning my skin like there was nothing that would ever quench this immense fire.

"But look at him, Carlisle," Edward all but whined in exasperation. I couldn't tell what the heck they were talking about. I'd never really heard Edward truly whine, and if I didn't want to cry from the exorbitant amount of pain I was in, I would have laughed.

"Yes, Edward, really look at him. Isn't it unbelievably remarkable." The awe in his voice was unmistakable. I wanted to shiver from the power of his emotion. "His skin is becoming unblemished. I would have never thought it possible."

_Goodness, I wanted to weep in happiness_. After all the years of torture and tribulation my Jasper had to suffer, his flesh had been a constant reminder of all he had done. It had been a physical manifestation he couldn't escape. Even my many kisses couldn't take them away. But somehow, somewhere, someone had seen and witnessed Jasper's torment. They felt his sorrow and burdens he felt in the pain he caused. Someone had deemed him contrite enough and now he was being offered a literal clean slate. If it had been possible, I would have jumped to the heavens in delight.

It must have been the pain he had been feeling earlier. It didn't matter to me where the pain came from; I took it willingly and without reservation onto me. It was the least I could do for my vampire.

"All these years, and I've lived in self-denial." At last, Edward was beginning to see. Yes, he may have been a monster in taking the lives of those he drained, but that didn't define his entire existence. I didn't know the circumstances, and I couldn't really judge what Edward had done, but I knew he wasn't a monster.

I could tell Edward was upset – not that Jasper was losing his scars, but that his theory of him not having a soul was proving less and less true. Before his very perfect eyes, he could see Jasper's skin changing, being replaced with the smoothness they all enjoyed and I would soon join in.

"Whatever the reason, Edward, does it really matter?" he whispered. I wondered if it was for my benefit or for the reverence of the subject. "Jasper deserves it more than anyone I could ever fathom. He has been though a fucking past that should have never happened. If I could have lived that past for him, I would, but thus I cannot. It was the path he had to walk to get to me. _My son_," he whimpered.

I had to agree with Carlisle's assessment. If I could have taken Jasper's past from him, I would have, but alas, I couldn't. It had been lived and already written in the meridian of time. But now, he wouldn't have to live with that reminder everyday in sight. I knew he was also worried about what Cheyenne would think. He didn't have to worry about that any longer. I didn't care if every last inch of his skin was marked with bites, I would have still cherished every part of him.

That's what love was after all. Edward and Carlisle didn't say anything else. The silence filled the space in between my pain.

So I laid there, not moving, keeping silent and burning in utter and complete desolation. There was nothing else to do . . .

_Seconds, minutes, hours, days, years, who the hell knew anymore . . ._

And then, as intensely as it began, the pain stopped. It was as if someone finally had the decency and compassion to turn the faucet and stop the acid pouring into my veins. My heart had instantly stopped beating and my human life was thus over. The silence was overwhelming.

. . .

Jasper's POV during Bella's change

It wasn't instantaneously that I felt the pain; I had sat with Bella for a while, being both scared and relieved. I wanted this process to go as smoothly and as painlessly as possibly. The thought of her in such an antagonizing pain all but brought me down with fear. I was relieved because she would no longer be taken from me. We would now walk in our eternal life as equals and constant companions. I knew that didn't preclude us from pain or future tribulations, but with Bella on the horizon, there was little to fear. My girl filled every part of my life.

_I love you now and always, angel . . ._

And with that last thought the pain captured me. I doubled over and tried to hold onto my angel. I didn't want to stop touching her. With my skin on hers, I knew she was fine – at least still with me. Even my gift couldn't take away the pain. But now, I was all but broken, bending over in intense pain.

"Carlisle, father," I called. It was the last thing I knew. Somehow, and without me ever knowing it could be done and how much time had passed, I felt no further pain and passed out. I wanted to claw my way back to consciousness, but it was like I knew nothing. I just floated in a dark world, free of any pain.

It felt like forever, until I was returned to my wakeful state. I wanted to immediately freak out and demand answers as to what happened, but they wouldn't get me any closer to Bella. I didn't know how long I had already been away from her side or if she was still burning. That thought caused my heart to clench in guilt and remorse. I had fought to be released from that floating prison, but I couldn't escape. I needed Bella to understand that. I wanted to be by her side.

I felt a hand on my arm and immediately jumped away. A look of pure astonishment lit up my father's face. Many things I had seen written on Carlisle's visage, but utter surprise I had never really seen. Him being over three hundred years old left little he hadn't seen or experienced.

"Jasper, how do you feel?" he hesitantly asked. Did he think I was going to attack him? I was a little sad that he kept some distance between us.

"Fine, Carlisle. I cannot explain that terrible darkness or loneliness I felt, but I'm fine. It isn't me you should be worried about," I snapped unfairly. "Sorry," I hastily apologized, but still meaning it. I sent it to him in waves. "How's Bella? How is she?" My voice was filled with a steep apprehension. Now wasn't the time to think about my fainting spell, though, I would give it extensive thought later. That shit had been beyond frightening.

I couldn't have cared less about my past situation (although it scared me endlessly thinking about disappearing like that), my focus was Bella. Until she was finished burning and kissing my lips in return, I had no other concerns. I already knew that Cheyenne was being taken care of. I was truly no good for her in that moment. I was too swamped with worry and agony over her mother.

"She's still in the process, son." I sampled the emotions in the room and knew he was holding something back from me. I wanted to demand he tell me, but I had wasted enough time. I needed to be by Bella. I could deduct that she wasn't finished burning. If she were, I knew once I had opened my eyes from my strange coma, she would have been there.

Without any hesitation, I ran from the room I was placed in and down the hall. The door was opened and there she lay. From my vantage point it looked like nothing had changed, except that wasn't the case. I was astonished by what I saw.

Isabella had always been gorgeous, sublime in her grace. The last couple of months had stolen some of her beauty, but now, I could see it returning; at least on the outside. I could only pray that the venom I inserted into her veins didn't change too much of the inside that I loved even more. Bella's beauty had always shined from the inside outward.

I made my way over to her side and captured her small hand in mine. I didn't know how long I had been away from her, but it seemed like a while. Her skin was already hardening. It was a little sad, but I would quickly get over it. I wanted my love any way she came; even if that was bloodthirsty vampire. I adored her regardless.

Her once limp hair was strengthening, becoming a lustrous brown. Several colors could be seen in her thick locks, and they only enhanced her beauty. She would be an absolute goddess.

Light whimpers could be heard at times, but other than that she was silent. It looked like she was concentrating with all her strength. I wanted to take away all the pain she felt, but it was a price we all had to pay.

"I'm sorry, angel. I would take everything hurtful from you. Know that I'm here, my love. I know it is little consolation, but I'm so very proud of you. I love you," I pleaded with her. I didn't know why, but I wanted her to know that would never change. I also didn't know if she had realized I had been away from her for a time. I hope she didn't think I abandoned her. I couldn't stomach that thought at all. "You look so amazing, Bella. It's only enhanced what you already had, angel."

I felt a hand on my shoulder and jumped a little. So strong had been my concentration on her that Carlisle entering the room hadn't even faze me.

"How long?" I whispered, truly afraid of the answer.

He sighed a little and I could feel his sadness press me down.

_That long_, I thought. I bent my head down and kissed Bella's hand that still resided in mine. I silently begged her for forgiveness. I sent all my love and devotion to her still form.

"Four days, son," he murmured reluctantly.

_Fucking Hell. _I had done that to her. She suffered for so long. It should have already been over with. I still couldn't explain why I had been passed out in a world where nothing touched me.

"I called Alice. I needed to know if she could see anything; give me any pertinent information. But even she couldn't see anything. Her vision is still blocked. I'm sorry to have failed you, son."

I instantly floated my love to him. Carlisle had never failed me. How could he ever think such a notion? I pushed all the thankfulness I could to him. He winced a little at the onslaught, but I didn't let up. I _needed_ him to know he had _no _blame in anything. It was my venom after all that flowed through her veins.

Once I let up, Carlisle staggered a little. My other hand reached out and caught him. When I went to let go, he tightened his grip. Before I could tell him thank you, he knelt down beside me, where I kept vigil and embraced me. I surrendered myself to him, but still held onto Bella.

"It's going to be fine, son. I promise you with everything in me that she will be fine." He was beyond emphatic in his statement. His passion burned in my chest. The only thing I could do was believe him.

And so we sat, waiting in silence for my girl to finally wake up. Not once did Carlisle let go of my hand. Some may have thought me weak and a child, but I didn't fucking care. It was never a crime to need one's parents. It only enhanced my strength, admitting I needed my mentor and rock by my side.

Others came and went. Rose and Esme kept me updated on Cheyenne. She was quiet at times, but doing alright. I felt the guilt eat at my gut, but I literally couldn't move from Bella's side. I couldn't leave her for anything in the world, even my daughter's whimpers. I would have to spend the rest of my existence making up for the disregard I gave her.

_I love you, Cheye beauty_, my soul silently cried. _Daddy's sorry_.

Two more intense and utterly excruciating days passed without Bella waking up. Six days she now spent burning. I couldn't understand the long wait or the time she had to burn. It was completely unfair, but I couldn't do anything to change it. I wanted to bite her again, and siphon the pain away, but it was useless and I would only scar her more.

The only thing I saw was Bella. Everything around her still form became blurred out. _Why didn't she wake up?_

At times, she would moan in pain, but she never moved. I wanted to cry and yell at anyone that approached me, but I was immobilized in my agony. Voices spoke around me, but they didn't break through the ringing I heard in the silence. The only thing that accompanied the ringing was Bella's erratic heartbeat. There was no rhyme or reason to the unsteady beats. At times it would speed up and I would think '_this is it_', but then it would slow again, almost teasing me, causing Bella even more pain. That fucking shit wasn't fair, but what the hell did fate know about fair.

And before the dawn of the seventh day of her burning could break, the torture finally ended. My angel's heartbeat sped up for a final time. Just when I thought it would slow again, it gave six more final thumps (they represented her six days of burning) before going silent, forever. I captured that beautiful sound in my ear, fixing it eternally into my soul.

Bella's look of concentration left her face and her eyes opened . . .

. .

Bella's POV directly after her change

After the never-ending pain finally ended, and my mind was able to focus on more than my perpetual burning, I felt alive again. My heart may have been silent and still in my chest, but I was no longer consumed with the agony. My senses became reawakened and the first thing my mind processed was the sound of a fluttering heartbeat and the smell of my daughter's blood.

Before anyone had any insight to stop me, I was off and running. I could hear the yells behind me, but they weren't as quick as me. The main target inside my thoughts was Cheyenne. Before I could turn the door knob to her nursery, the metal became dust in my hands. I knew I'd grabbed the handle too hard, but I wanted to be where my daughter was. I paid no mind to the busted handle and simply pushed the door from my way.

Before a human could even count to two seconds, I scooped my little girl into my arms and brought her sleeping face to my chest. My transformation had gone well and my daughter was safe. Those were about the only things I could process. Yes, I picked up the scents of everything around me, but they didn't matter most in that moment. The call of my daughter and the fierce protection I felt for her overrode everything.

I had been recently changed and still very uneducated in the ways of my vampire body, but it was instinctual holding her. The mother in me seemed to override the vampire, and I handled my daughter with the upmost care. I was well aware that I could squish her with the tiniest movement, but I wouldn't. I felt that truth so very far in my soul. I would have set myself on fire before I ever harmed my daughter.

When I was done kissing her all over her face, I brought as much of her scent into my lungs as I could stand; it was glorious. I ran my hands over her entire body, reassuring myself she was as safe as she looked and felt. She was complete perfection. I finally brought my attention to everything else around me.

Many people stood back, staring at me with their mouth hanging open. Were they trying to catch something? However, the more I studied them, the more I could see the weariness in their bodies. It was thick in the room. Something inside my mind told me they wanted Cheyenne away from me. _Why?_ I thought silently. _I would and could never hurt her_. That thought literally hurt me inside.

If they thought to take me from my daughter, they had another thing coming. Edward had been the first to regain his motor skills, but somehow lost his sense of self-preservation as he took a step near me. All these scents and sights were new to me, so I had to protect my daughter from everything. It was my right and responsibility as her mother.

A deep growl sounded in my chest as he took another step closer. I knew this person was somewhat familiar, but with my back raised and feeling like I was under attack, the growl couldn't have been stopped. A hand shot out and quickly halted his forward progress. The quickness, to which the hand shot out, sent me careening.

_Need to protect Cheyenne, Bella_, my mind constantly replayed.

Too many things were happening and we were too exposed. Without even realizing or knowing what happened next, I felt a slight shift in my brain before I saw a clear, almost transparent shield slam around me. I was still scared of an attack, but my brain seemed to feel more protected and reassured me as such. It allowed my fear to clear up and my attention to be diverted elsewhere.

I looked down into my arms to make sure my baby was still safe and sleeping. She hadn't made a peep since I began to cradle her. I loosened my grip a little, instinctively knowing that we were safe behind the translucent bubble. Her cheeks were slightly flushed and her little heart pumped a little quicker than before, but it wasn't an alarming rate. She was still safely asleep and unawares. She continued to thrive in her innocent dreams.

Once she was more than content, I took my eyes from her and focused on the things outside of my protection. I ignored the people around me and took notice of how bright everything looked. Colors were incredibly sharp and smells permeated my nose at an alarming rate. I had never notice that dust had its own individual scent. There seemed to be millions of dust motes dancing together in the air currents. I wanted to run my hand through their swirling dance, but instead chose to hold still to my daughter. She weighed no more than a fallen leaf, but I didn't want any part of me separated from her.

I had the oddest sensation to stick my tongue out and taste the air. The thought made me giggle because of its silliness, but I still obliged. Taste had always been something one used to explore their world as a child, letting him or she know what things were. It seemed like I was now learning through the sense. There wasn't a really unique flavor I could pick up on but a hodge-podge of things around me that were combined. I knew that if I put individual things in my mouth, each would taste different, but that seemed harebrained to me. I could look at an object and know what it was. I wasn't that infantile in my learning ability.

My eyes sought out my daughter again; love inside of me was strong and raging. I loved her so very much. I placed my hand on her chest, being as gentle as a butterflies' touch. It was almost instinctual. Her little heart pounded into my hand, thumbing out the rhythm of her life. It was the first time I really noticed my heart didn't beat any longer. I pulled her pudgy hand up to my chest, and allowed her tiny, fluttering heart beat in her wrist to become my own. Venom pooled in my eyes and really stung. It was another first I realized, I'd never cry again.

_That's fine_; it wasn't something I'd miss. And my daughter's tears would become my own. Everything human about her would become my own.

I didn't know how long I sat there with her, cuddling my little bundle to me, nor did I care. Many, many hours I had spent burning, and I needed the saving grace of my daughter. Once my racing mind started to settle and other things seeped into my expansively enlarged brain, another person crept into my attention: Jasper.

It wasn't that you didn't care about him, I now thought, but the need to comfort Cheyenne had called to me greatly. It overrode everything. Now that I was thinking properly and my worries had abated some, I lifted my sight from my daughter and looked around.

I instantly caught sight of six others. Before their posture had been threatening and encroaching. Now that they were on the floor, sitting with their backs to the wall, they weren't too foreboding. I felt a little relieved at their new posture. One part of my brain told me this was my family; they loved and protected me. However, the newest part of my mind sent major caution, saying not to be disillusioned of everything.

I closed my eyes and sniffed the air. Besides the loving scent of my baby girl and her contentment, all I picked up was awe and wonderment. I couldn't explain how I could pick these emotions up on the air, but it made my heart feel better.

With great reluctance and a lot of truth I was fighting against, I lowered my shield. I didn't know how I did this; just that I asked my brain to and it did. I could feel a literal shift in my mind, but other than that, there had been no other indication.

New things assaulted the air around me, but I ignored them, I had a new purpose. My eyes looked at the six people sitting ten feet from me. _Goodness, they are close__,_ my vampire cautioned, but I ignored. My eyes looked at each one and took in their astounding beauty. As I studied them, fuzzy memories came into my mind. The more I focused, the clearer they became. I still had trouble remembering some things, but I got the gist of what I needed.

_Carlisle and his infinite kindness,_

_Esme and her eternal motherly love,_

_Emmett and his never-ending happiness,_

_Edward and his constantly sad demeanor,_

_Rosie . . . Rosie and her tender love for me and our friendship,_

_And then . . . my Jasper. A shy smile broke over my lips. How could I not smile at the amazingly handsome and forever loving companion? _

Memory after memory filtered through my perfect mind with precise clarity. It was astonishing with which I could view my memories. Everything was so clear, as if I could simply reach out and touch it before me.

A scarred lover starred in my memory, but a flawless one now watched me. I knew they were one in the same, and I found that I loved them both equally. So much love spilled out of me then, I couldn't contain the staggering amount.

My vampire sighed in amazement as it reached him.

"Jasper," I finally called out. My voice startled me but a moment. I now remembered that it was supposed to sound different. The more I thought about the knowledge I already had, the more I started to feel calm in my "new" skin.

"Bella, angel," he spoke back softly. His voice lingered on my skin before seeping in. "May I come over to you?" I could hear the fear in his voice. Did he think I would reject him? Well, my attitude and actions had proved that's exactly what I would do.

"Please," was all I could say in response. Would he not like the new me? Would he be repulsed by how I felt? Would he miss the softness of my flesh and the blood that colored it beneath?

Gentle and tender fingers moved the hair – I was hiding behind – from my face and behind my ear. I wanted to lean into the touch but was still scared of the rejection. We both seemed to have some unresolved fears.

When his hand finally grazed my exposed cheek, I literally moaned at the touch. Heat flared in my now marble skin.

_It's something I feared we would lose_, I heard pronounced in my thoughts.

Not even the change could take away our connection. It showed Edward even more that I survived the change with my soul intact. Vampires weren't soulless creatures. Some of them may have done extremely heinous things (like living humans), but that didn't make them soulless. It just made them truly evil and monsters.

I finally threw caution to the wind and embraced my vampire. I was extra cautions of Cheyenne, but the desire to touch my man in that moment was monumental.

"I love you, baby!" I cried over and over into his chest. He repeated the sentiment with the same need that flowed through me. When I felt like I could, I pulled back and looked into his eyes. They were an even sharper imperial topaz color that I adored.

My hand that clutched his shirt let go and traveled the length of his face, neck and shoulders. He was beyond exquisite to behold.

"Look at your skin, Jasper," I said in reverence. "It's so amazing, the difference. I miss the old you, but also love the new you."

I pushed all my love and acceptance to him. I was then surprised by his reaction. Before I could even get anything back from him, he was across the room. He looked as if I had slapped him in the face. Had I done something unforgivably wrong?

"Jasper," I cried out. He didn't respond. He raised his arm to his face and studied his skin. He hesitantly raised a finger to his flesh and touched it. What was he doing? I was beyond lost. "Jasper," I called out again, but was ignored. He looked so bewildered in his world.

"Rosie!" I now called my sister to me. With the utmost care, I handed over my daughter, already missing her against me, but needing to be free for the moment. Once she had Cheyenne, I gently kissed both of their cheeks. "I love you tender, Rosie." She gave a little cry at my words. I knew she had been waiting for me to acknowledge her. I hadn't meant to keep her at arm's length and her visage told me as much.

"I love you true, Bella." I touched her cheek quickly before approaching my stunned vampire. I still felt awkward in my own skin, but my needs could wait, I found. Jasper needed me. I didn't know what was wrong with my love, but I needed him to be okay.

Carlisle had been trying to get through to him, but nothing was working. I approached him with caution. I didn't know what was going on in that head of his.

"Baby?" He still didn't respond. Perhaps he was too lost in his shock. And then it hit me, _I can't believe he hadn't noticed_. How could he not notice his utter perfection?

"Jasper?" I called a little louder, being caution of Cheyenne's hearing. But I still got no response. I was truly starting to panic.

Before I could reach out and touch him, he fled from the room. I quickly followed, but was stopped from a bedroom door shutting in my face. Never had I thought that this would be my welcome into the world of the undead. From my response to Jasper's, everything had gone differently.

I dropped at his door and just shook with my sobs. I wanted my love's arms around me. I wanted us to hold our daughter and rejoice in me finally being fine. It didn't seem to be. I raised my hand to the door and just let it stay there. I wanted some connection to him, whether he realized it or not.

I didn't try to break down the door. For some reason he needed his privacy, and who was I to say any different. All I could do was send him all my adoration. I started to hum gently, internally telling myself that things would eventually be fine. _They had to be_.

Some things never go as planned . . . even in one's eternity.

. .

Jasper's POV

Never once during my vigil at her bedside had I noticed the lack of scars that had once lined my skin. How could I have been so fucking unobservant? Those detested marks had marred my skin for over a century and yet I hadn't noticed when they were gone. I guess my love and worry for Bella had overridden everything.

_How could I have been so fucking unobservant?_

I know understood why Carlisle had stared at me like I was the eighth wonder of the world. Over seven decades he had seen those fucking marks on my flesh, and for over seven decades he had mourned my past. He didn't hate me, but loved me in spite of them. He was of course weary when I had first joined the family, but within a week of our arrival, he only felt love and protectiveness for me. He knew I wasn't a threat to his already established family. I had waited for him to kick my useless and destructive ass to the curb, but it never came. He only loved me from afar; it's where I had kept him and Esme for so long.

_How could I have been so fucking unobservant?_

When I had finally allowed my pride down and the massive wall I kept my battered soul behind fall, he pushed all his pent up fatherly affection to me. It had felt like I had won the lottery a thousand times over. His and Esme's love had been utterly radiant. I couldn't believe I had spent so long refusing their affections for me. Such an utter fool I had been. I thought of Cheyenne and her doing that to herself. It put my idiotic behavior into prospective.

Now that my skin was as hard and . . . _and wholly smooth_ like my family's, I was in shock. I didn't know how to feel. Those horrid scars had shown the plight of my former life and the intense battles I had fought. I hated them with everything inside me, but they had also served as a reminder of the destruction I had caused. There were times that I wanted to be reminded of what I had done. They made me continuously atone for the sorrow I caused. I had my infallible memory and nothing could erase that, but sometimes that wasn't enough for my demented mind. I needed to run my fingers along the scarred, raised skin and remember. It was another form of punishment I deserved.

It was the least I deserved. I didn't have that reminder anymore. Somehow, my angel and some forever-giving grace had taken them from me. How? – I would never know, but it must have been possible. They were just gone. Not only were they gone, but I hadn't even felt the pain of them disappearing. My amazing love had once again done the most selfless thing. She had felt my pain through our bond and taken my pain as her own. It was the only logical conclusion.

When I had sat by her side and begged to make her pain my own, she somehow accomplished the impossible. Although with her, nothing ever seemed beyond our reach. For two more tortured-filled days, Bella had burned. My pain must have delayed her change, but yet she hadn't been even freed from that agony. I couldn't understand the fairness in the situation.

I had attained those scars with my deplorable and unforgivable behavior, and yet my love had to carry that pain. I wanted to yell and scream in her face. I wanted to shake my angel until she knew how mad I was at her. _How could she have taken that from me? How could she live my pain along with her own? Why couldn't she just let me burn with the torment I deserved?_

Then I saw how much of a hypocrite I was.

I had wanted to take her pain and make it my own, so why was she any different? I didn't love Bella more than she loved me. I knew that for a surety. We were equal in our love and affection. She wanted to spare me any hurt like I did her. _Why was my sacrifice more than hers?__, _I yelled at myself.

But even with this immense truth, I still didn't want her to suffer on my behalf. It was never fair and beyond redemption.

When I wanted to scream and yell at my literal angel, I also wanted to pull her into my arms and never let go. I wanted to make love to her always, showing the unreserved gratitude I felt in every cell of my being. She was the greatest gift.

I may have been confused with my lack of scars, and I may have been upset at the pain she chose to live for me, but I wasn't confused about the adulation I felt for her. That had always been the unwavering truth of my soul.

. .

Once I came out of my bullshit self-indulgence, I gathered my vampire girl into my arms and simply buried my face in her neck. I was both hiding from her and taking in her close presence to me. She didn't try to displace me or take my head from her chest. She allowed me to melt into her body. I pulled her further into my body and enjoyed her weight in my lap. Bella had come through remarkably well, even though she had to burn for longer. I still wept at that knowledge, but realized nothing could ever change it.

"Thank you, my love," I finally gave her the gratitude she deserved. "I love you so fucking much, angel." I didn't like swearing around her, but it was the perfect word I could come up with. "Thank you!"

She didn't say anything but continued to stroke my hair. It was something she always did when human. It both comforted her and calmed her. The only thing that differed was the immense love I felt now flooding my system. If I hadn't been sitting down, we would have both tumbled over from the onslaught.

My girl was sensational in everything she accomplished. _Fucking sensational_ . . .

. . .

Bella's POV

Once things began to settle down and Jasper and I were able to sort some things out, we basked in the newness of our life. It wasn't until Carlisle approached us that we realized I hadn't hunted.

Jasper immediately started to belittle himself. He claimed he was a terrible vampire and had totally disregarded my needs. I didn't blame him in the slightest. Many things had happened and assaulted us at once. I hadn't acted like a normal vampire and Jasper had been entirely overcome with his own transformation. _Who in the hell could blame us? _

With a lot of trepidation, and not wanting to leave my daughter, Carlisle, Jasper and Rosie finally convinced me to go hunting. They had claimed I needed to feed; regardless if I "_didn't want to eat my daughter_". I didn't laugh at the sentiment. Anything regarding Cheyenne's safety wasn't funny to me in the least.

I relented to their demands and went on a hunt with them. What I hadn't told them was I didn't feel any burn. I had absolutely no need to feed, nor did I crave any blood. My throat felt fine and I simply felt sated. My mind agreed with me completely. I hadn't wanted to upset Jasper anymore by tipping the scales, but now they were demanding an answer.

.

We came back from our hunt with two full vampires (Jasper and Rose) and one being as fine as she had left (me – _obviously_. I really tried not to smirk). Rose was just astonished with my weird vampire attitude, but my man was a little worried, as I already knew he would be. I tried to allay his fears, but he was still apprehensive.

That night, after I glutton myself in my daughter's attention and smiles, we met for a family meeting. It wasn't until Carlisle finally explained that it was probably part of my gift.

My gift was what "legends were made of," Carlisle informed us. I giggled at his statement, and Jasper gave me an indulgent smile. He may have been worried about my inability in wanting to eat, but he still loved to see me smile. _My vampire was beyond amazing_ and unbelievably sexy.

I knew Carlisle had been joking, but there was a bit of seriousness in his words. Jasper said he radiated awe every time he looked or thought of me. I had all but skipped the new born phase (_typical, Bella, never does anything right, _I joked with myself), and the need for me to hunt was all but nonexistent. Supposedly when a newborn wakes up, the need for blood is crucial. It is all one can think to process. Their instincts and emotions are tied to the amount of blood the burn in the back of their throat is calling for.

I didn't really thankfully experience that. Somehow, my first thought had been of Cheyenne, her safety, and then Jasper.

.

As more time passed and my vampire tendencies started to become the norm, it turned out I was a shield. But it wasn't a common one, in that it only protected me from invasion.

_Were you even surprised?, _I snickered to myself.

It had turned out that somehow "my shield" – my welcoming gift to the vampire world – had stopped me from being hungry. Not only did it protect me from any mind invasion (ha-ha Eddie, teased Emmett), but it also facilitated every fraction of my mind, including hunger. The shield was woven seamlessly into my brain and affected everything it did. It seemed as if the blood still in my newly harden veins was enough to sate my hunger.

Carlisle didn't know how long this "occurrence" would last, but I still enjoyed the benefits of my anomaly. Who was I to complain about having to miss out on being a blood-driven vampire? I had always been different, and at times, it irked me, but this was one glitch I welcomed with relief. It had frightened me, to think what I would do to my daughter, the damage I could cause to an unsuspecting human, or the burden I would have been on my adopted vampire family.

Carlisle had said it permeated every part of me, like it was somehow built directly into my very essence, my soul. His face had lit up like a child on Christmas morning he when thought about the experiments he wanted to run. He wondered if my gift would only help me, or could be applied to any "newborn". He wondered if there was a way for me to mentally block other's hunger – as if my shield could reach out of me, hug another person's mind and block the hunger trigger mechanism in the brain.

"The possibilities could be groundbreaking, daughter," he muttered to himself while staring at me. He usually muttered something when he was around me. It was quite funny seeing the distinguished doctor talking to himself.

Even with his excitement written clearly on his face, it was replaced the next moment with some trepidation.

_The good always came with the bad. It was a lesson I do well to remember. _

He explained the Volturi to me in even more grim detail and their desire in collecting vampires with special abilities. He feared if Aro ever found out about my gift and the extent to which it truly worked, he would stop at nothing to collect me. _I would be 'a force to be reckoned with in exterminating newborns,'_ he mused. I was untouchable by any vampire. My gift had also blocked out Alice's vision. My strength in being a shield was even manifest as a human. '_Simply and unbelievably astonishing_,' my new father continued to mumble.

Carlisle's explanation scared me, if I had been honest. I didn't want to be used in anyone's extermination, yet alone in policing the vampire world.

I was confident that with practice and patience, I would be able to, with the use my gift, hide from the Volturi the extent of my prowess.

I wouldn't allow anyone to mess with me or my family! Their safety and my own was paramount to anything in my world. I wanted Jasper, Cheyenne, and everyone else to be happy, but their safety was even more important. I would police them if needed. I dare any damn Volturi to mess with my family!

. .

One thing that followed me from my human life into the afterlife was my bouts of clumsiness. I wanted to be angry at the unfairness, but chose to think of it differently. There were about a thousand other things that could have gone wrong with me, but they had come off effortlessly. I couldn't complain at all.

Jasper had whispered in my ear that, "You couldn't be perfect in all things, but you sure as hell came damn close." I shivered from his warm breath on my neck before tackling him down for the count. That afternoon had been spent in utter, delightful perfection.

Emmett had found my lack of grace funny. My big brother could be a sore loser when he wanted. Every time I tripped over the quick speed of my actions, his booming laugh could be heard from right behind me. I wanted to snarl at him, but decided to go a different route. Simply reminding him of the time I had beat him, with seemingly no effort on my part, would quiet him down. He hated when one brought his manhood into question. It was the surest way to shut his mouth – well, that, and Rosie threatening to withhold sex from him. Since I didn't have that weapon at my disposal, I had to learn another.

I secretly adore the challenge he provided me.

. .

And as more and more time passed, things became more settled. Our lives became normal (as normal as a vampire could get) and abounded in so much happiness. I couldn't even describe the amount of joy that filled my soul in those first few years. Yes, we had our petty arguments (Mr. Emmett vs. the entire family) and challenges, but they were quickly overshadowed with laughter and acceptance.

I never knew what perfection was, but I lived it with my family and my lover by my side.

Alice only came for visits over the years, but we were better. I never begrudged Alice and her love for Jasper. He was the unforgettable type and once someone loved him, he became burned into their soul. Jasper may have been an empath, but he was charismatic first and foremost.

I didn't know what part of my brain triggered Alice's not being able to see me, Jasper and Cheyenne, but I was somehow able to circumvent it. Since Jasper had been so opposed to her gift, it had turned out I had somehow stopped her visions from including my small family (while human). It was the simplest explanation and Carlisle kicked himself for not realizing it sooner. It was the things that were most obvious at times that we missed the most. Being vampires didn't preclude us from this folly. We were just as fallible in making mistakes as humans. We just had to be more cautious.

From time to time, I would somehow lower that part of my shield, and would allow Alice to peer at our future. I only did it for our safety. I knew Jasper hated her visions, but since Carlisle's talk, I took the safety of my family really seriously. The little sprite vampire would bounce for hours after her vision, just being happy in being able to see us, knowing that we were "safe". I usually joined her in the silliness. Cheyenne would always laugh and clap her hands when we bounced like bouncy balls (that's what my baby girl called them – _le sigh_). Alice and I became friends in spite of the rocky start we had. I didn't hold anything against her. I wanted no part of the old anger or resentment.

.

Emmett and Rosie were the same. They argued, had sex way too much, argue some more, but loved incredibly deep. Yes, Emmett was a big annoying child at times, but he loved his family whole-heartedly. We were blessed to have Emmett's levity and happiness in our lives.

Rosie and I grew even closer. We shared many things and talked a lot. I never knew my love for the girl could expand, but I was happy to be proven differently. With each passing day, our relationship strengthened and I found there was little I wouldn't do for her. Would I give up my eternal existence for her? _Without question_. I knew this truth scared Jasper, but I couldn't help or change it. My love for her was intense and she was truly the best friend and eternal sister I could have ever asked for.

.

Carlisle was amazing to be around. He loved me like his very own daughter. I may not have had his venom running in my veins, but that didn't lessen his devotion to me. We talked for long hours and I willingly underwent experiments for him. It was too easy to please my father. His face became that of a Christmas tree when he ran tests on my gift.

It turned out that I could let Edward hear my thoughts. That didn't last all that long. I could also reach out into Edward's mind and "turn off" his trigger. At first he was completely freaked out and avoided both Carlisle and me for a few days. He looked like a scared little rabbit. But when Emmett and Rosie became too much for the poor boy, he would seek me out and all but kneel at my feet, begging me to block his gift.

I could also stop my skin from sparkling. I thought this was one of the greatest things. Not only did I not have to worry about sun exposure, but we could be even more normal (that's if we chose to; sometimes it was all too fun being a big, bad scary vampire, yes, _that sparkled_). Everyone pouted about that particular part of my gift. It wasn't until I turned off their sparkles that they once again rejoiced in my gift. They were silly vampires, but I loved them immensely.

.

After the first year passed, it turned out that I did need to hunt at times. It wasn't nearly as often, and I used my gift as much as possible in between hunts. It wasn't really easy for me to take life, even of an animal's. Emmett had made fun at my sensitivity at first, but when he saw the raw venom in my eyes, he relented. I cried over the first animal I had slaughtered. It took hours for Jasper to get me under control.

Jasper now hunted for me. I hated having him killing my share of the meal, but he took that burden from me. The blood wasn't as fresh, but it was much better than having to slaughter the animal myself. Perhaps I was selfish in that aspect, but I usually rewarded my sexy man very thoroughly. Deer was my favorite for some reason. I couldn't dare watch Bambi, and I was thrilled that Cheyenne didn't seem to like that particular movie. _Shudders_!

Emmett called my choice of drink "Chick food" which I thought funny. That comment had earned him a slap to the back of the head. _Poor, big brother. _

.

Esme was her amazing self. She only loved me more, and I her. She was the eternal mother, and with her guidance and soft love I grew as a mother myself. There were times that I was self-conscious, thinking I wasn't doing something for Cheyenne correctly, but Esme would reassure me in her gentle unassuming manner. She was terrific and the mother I had always envisioned when younger. I didn't remember that much about Renee and that made Jasper happy. I was fine with that, I had Esme and our relationship filled that need in me for maternal love. She filled that role for every one of us "kids".

.

Edward had also changed. It was amazing to watch him. The sadness and depression that used to shroud him all but disappeared. He still had his moments of sullenness, but he was a much happier vampire. I adored seeing him in the light. He even visited the Denali's at times. He claimed he was seeing Alice, but we knew that wasn't the case. Our little Eddie was visiting Tanya. She may not have been his match, but that didn't mean he could appreciate her in other ways.

"It's about fudging time, Eddie boy!" Emmett had bellowed. Yes, "_fudging,"_ he yelled. Emmett had come a long way in swearing. It was funny hearing someone his size saying "fudging".

Regardless of Edward getting any from Tanya or not, I was happy for him. He was like a new person when he shined in his contentment.

Esme all but gushed in love and happiness when she was around him. She'd kiss my cheek when he was at his happiest. She didn't have to say it out loud, but I know she attributed his super improved outlook on life to me. I couldn't claim the glory. It had been all Edward.

I learned, through the years, that someone could point out all the truth they wanted, but unless a person was willing to see that "truth" and accept it, no difference would be made. Of course, everyone had their own ideas and opinions, so it made it that much more difficult.

But our Edward had somehow beaten the gloom and now flew with the rest of the Cullen's in their joy. At times, I would see Edward watching Jasper and I. It wasn't in a creepy way or envious manner, but in simple contemplation. He was probably still trying to work out our connection and how in the hell our souls ever touched.

_I don't really care_.

I wanted it to remain a mystery. It is something I gloried in and just lived. I didn't need the hidden truths behind our bond. I loved Jasper, he loved me, we both became warm when we touched and we were ridiculously happy.

_What more do I need to know. _

Jasper also wondered at times. He didn't bring it up to me, but I could see the curiosity written in his beautifully dark topaz eyes. He would caress my face at night and look at me in wonder. I would kiss his unmarked skin with the utmost reverence, and we would both smile. The love he flooded me with, after, was just an amazing side benefit.

_I was a lucky and blessed girl_.

.

It was that curiosity that finally caused Jasper's and my first separation since the change(s). We were often apart in different rooms of the house and while he was hunting for the both of us, but I hadn't really been away from him or our home.

A year filled with irreplaceable memories had passed and in all that time, Jasper had never approached Carlisle, asking him about the sought after knowledge he wanted to know about our bond. It wasn't that he was mad about our connection, but I knew he felt unworthy. My man was ridiculous at times.

However, I knew it was time for him to learn something. So, I finally relented and "allowed" him to talk me into leaving for a while. It was something he needed (regardless how much he would miss me), and I would give it to him.

. . .

Jasper's POV

I looked at my father, perplexed in the understanding he fed me.

"You and Bella became literal soul mates that day, son." Carlisle explained. I knew Bella didn't want an explanation for our bond, but I wanted to understand, if even a little. I wanted to know how someone so magnificent could have been gifted to me. I desired to know how I had been the lucky one.

Bella, Cheye, Alice and Rose had been gone for a while. Bella had been anxious about separating from me, but with some encouragement she relented. It was the only time I could have talk to my father about this without her hearing about it. I wasn't being deceitful, but respectful of her wishes. She knew that I planned on asking Carlisle at some point. He could be the only one, I imagined, with a plausible answer.

"What do you mean soul mates? Isn't that a little prosaic?" Carlisle wasn't offended, but just laughed at my petulance.

"It isn't clichéd, son, but stunningly beautiful; the thought of actually touching another's soul." The amazement slipped from him and into me. It all but took my breath away.

"I don't mean "soul mate" in the candy shop way, son, but in the most eternal sense of the word." I looked a little contrite at his smile. I should have known to not question him. My father touched my cheek, sending his love to me, before pulling away.

"It's truly explained in your very touch. You become actually warmed when your skin grazes hers. Cheyenne is part of that equation because she is so much of her mothers. I cannot explain everything, son, but I am sure I've never witnessed a connection as this or a supposed "second transformation" such as yours. Perhaps you were just granted a "first" chance you were never given because of that bitch Maria. Contrary to popular belief, I don't hold all the answers to the universe."

I had to laugh at both his calling Maria a bitch and at the fact of his deadpanning. Carlisle surprised me at times like that. He could be completely serious one moment and just infuse some levity into a situation the next. Sometimes, I could see all of us _children_ in Carlisle. He may not have been our biological father or venom creator, but parts of each of us were represented in him. It was a beautiful thing.

"I think it actually happened when you saved Bella as a child." I gave him a peculiar look. I was now intrigued; not that I wasn't before. I just loved remembering my little lost angel. "I can only surmise your soul truly reached out to hers when you saved her. You completely pushed your monster away that night, son. It had absolutely no bearing or control on you whatsoever. That does something to us vampires, to totally disregard our demons. When you pushed yours away, I think your soul was able to see through the red tinge that all vampires suffer, sans Isabella . . ." he added in reverence.

"You were able to see that little lost child in trouble, and in doing so, you became attached. That's the best I can explain it. Your soul was freed for a time that night, free from that thing that makes us vampires, it sought out the purest thing in sight and attached to Isabella. Does that make any sense, son?"

I studied him for a time. Amazingly enough, his explanation made sense. I remembered her innocent face, her wild eyes and scared expression. She had been scared but worried about her mom, dad and me. Was it any wonder my soul wanted to attach to something so caring. I knew she would always take care of it. It was an extraordinary and mid-blogging concept. Carlisle must have felt my emotions I was accidently emitting.

"Some things in life are meant to unexplainable, and no matter how much time passes and knowledge is learned, the soul and its complexities will always be a mystery. It is part of a more divine nature, at least such as I believe. Being immortal doesn't give is a permit to know each and every truth to the universe."

And he was more than right.

_I guess my angel had it right when she said we didn't need to know. Some things were meant to remain sacred, and the soul was one of those said things. _

. . .

Bella's POV – Present Time

Soft lips pulled me from the past and back into the present, where I really belonged.

"Are you ready to go, angel?" Jasper asked, leaning over my back and kissing my neck between words. I probably would have been ready and able to answer him if his lips and tongue weren't so very talented. I shivered as my body flooded with warmth and my skin tingled beneath the surface. Even though I didn't have my own blood flowing through my venom rich veins, Jasper and I still felt the magical warmth that we had always shared.

"Y-Yes," I finally stammered, overcome with indescribable passion. Goodness, we had been almost inseparable for over three years, and yet my need and longing for him never wavered in its intensity.

"What were you thinking about, before I interrupted you, angel?"

What had I been thinking about? Oh, yes . . . Jasper nibbling and sucking distracted me like no other.

"When I was first changed."

He pulled his face from my collarbone and I whined from the lack of attention. He had been making my insides squirm in delight and my panties dampen. I wanted to blush from the thought but was grateful I'd never suffer from that _disability_ again.

I'm sure; however, he felt my embarrassment spike.

"And what brought that on, my love?" I leaned forward and took advantage of his partially opened lips. He smelled absolutely delectable and my mouth watered for him, literally. We indulged each other, basking in the mixture of our tastes. His scent swirled around me, pulling me further into his ever wandering clutches. I was more than a willing participant.

"Nothing really . . . the sun brings out the memories in me," I said wistfully. I pecked his gorgeous lips once more before caressing his cheek with the back of my hand.

"The sun brings out even more of your glorious beauty, if that is even possible." I wanted to giggle at his flowery words, but I knew he was being completely serious. How could one individual sound so much like a cheesy romance movie and yet still send my silent heart a fluttering?

"I love you so much, Jasper; then, now and forever. I cannot ever imagine not loving you."

"I know, angel, and I love you also." Those had been the words of my soul; indelible in their promise. We kissed, cherishing the sweet, peaceful moment.

"I'm ready to go now, baby," I said between stealing one more smooch. I pulled back and held my hands up to his face. "Up, please." He laughed at my childlike voice before getting himself up and pulling me along for the ride.

I was always ready for the ride with him . . .

. . . then, now and forever.

. . .

Charlie's POV (I dreamt this part)

Graceful laughter – It had been what called me to them. It had been what always called me to them.

I cherished these opportunities. They didn't come often and therefore I loved them even more. My eyes were opened as if something were removed from them. My sight was out of focus for a moment before sharpening again.

There she was, the love that had taken me since the moment of her birth.

Even though my baby girl couldn't see me, didn't mean my eyes didn't take in every inch of my beautiful daughter. She was as beautiful as the day she was born. That girl had captured my old heart from the moment her screams announced her birth. I may not have known what to do with a girl, but that didn't stop the love that flooded my heart the first time I held her. She was wrinkled, cone-headed and half me, how could I not fall in love with her. Renee looked on us, me in my cop's uniform and our daughter in her pink blanket.

_We were happy in that moment. I was a simple man who simply loved his baby girl._

Her pretty white dress now floated in the breeze and her dark hair tickled her face. She tried to brush it back, but it kept getting blown into her eyes. I wanted to brush it back for her, like I had done when she was a little tyke, but I wasn't able to touch her. It stunk to have limitations, especially when I wanted to hug my baby girl.

She pushed her face up to the sky and continued to laugh. I wondered what was going through that big brain of hers. She was always one that lived in her head, me and her both.

"Mama . . . Mama!" The smile that had stretched my face in seeing Bella, widened two-fold. It wasn't that I was happier in seeing my baby girl's daughter, but the little bundle just brought so much happiness to whoever she was around. It was rare that I ever got a glimpse of them, but when I did – the little towheaded girl captured my old soul.

_She's even prettier than you, Bella, and that's saying something. _

"May we eat now?" her sweet little voice yelled from the back of their pick-up truck. I always knew I liked that Jasper for some reason. He knew a good engineering trunk when he drove one.

Bella turned the music up a little louder on the radio before getting out of the trunk again and walking to the back. A smile lit up her face as she set eyes on her daughter. The love she had for both Japer and Cheyenne were so obvious. It made a father uncomfortable, watching his little kiddo look at another man like that, but I couldn't have picked out someone better. Jasper may have had a rough start and an even rougher middle, but the kid ended up well. He provided for my baby girl and granddaughter very well. He loved with the richness they well deserved. My old soul was happy.

"Of course, darling," Bella answered. Cheyenne smiled big, showing her mama her pretty pearly whites. She was quite the little darling. She bounced on her tiny feet, cheering that she got to eat her Meme's cooking.

"Catch me, daddy – Please!" she squealed as Jasper walked by. I wondered where she got so much energy. Bella had been a quiet, reserved child. That could have also been because of the way both Renee and I had raised her. My baby girl hadn't had the most stable of environments to flourish like Cheyenne.

Jasper held out his arms and without fear or rejection, Cheyenne jumped fearlessly into his waiting arms. It spoke of the love and trust they shared between them. It made me smile, watching them. Bella's laughs joined in as Jasper twirled around with my grandbaby.

"You sparkle really nice, daddy, and mama looks pretty." I could see Jasper grimace at those words. I had to chuckle. He was still a man and hated the thought of "sparkling". I couldn't blame the boy. "Mama, can you let your skin sparkle like daddy's?" Bella gave a fake sigh. I knew she would do practically anything her daughter asked of her. She closed her eyes, concentrated real hard, twitched her nose and allowed her skin to shine like Jasper's. "Beautiful, mama!" Cheyenne squealed amid her constant giggles.

Jasper pouted and I couldn't help but laugh at his sullen expression. "I don't think it's fair you can control the sparkling, especially when you could have also stopped mine."

"But you know Cheye loves it when daddy sparkles," she cooed. Jasper gave her an exasperated look before it turned to one of indulgence. I could have never asked for a better upstanding man for my daughter and grandbaby. It made my old soul feel warm.

He kissed her cheek before reaching out and grabbing his love's hand. As a joyous family, they walked to their picnic blanket already laid out. The sun rained down on their delightful moment.

I simply watched and ached to join them.

"I love you, kiddo," I finally whispered, knowing that even if I said it out loud she wouldn't have heard me. I just needed my daughter to know how much I had loved and cherished every moment we were afforded. "I loved every moment I had with you, baby girl. You take real good care of that family of yours and know I'm always watching out for you; until the end, Isabella."

With another glace at the smiling faces of my daughter, son and little grandbaby, I was ready to go. I didn't know if I'd see them again, but that didn't mean I didn't leave my heart with them. The wind blew, I smiled thoughtfully, and let the next breeze take me away.

. .

Bella's POV

I felt a tingling in my heart that had nothing to do with the joy of the moment. I looked around and could see nothing that caught my immediate notice. I raised my head up to the sky and simply enjoyed the cloudless blue sky. I wondered why I had such a unique feeling and what could have caused it.

Some things in this life were unexplainable and I was walking proof of that. My eyes wandered along the sky and my mind pondered as to what lay behind it. There was outer-space and all that accompanied. The stars showed their presence most nights, letting us know we weren't alone. It was quite a miraculous thought.

"I love you, dad," I heard myself confessing for no apparent reason. I loved him very much but couldn't understand the need to say it in that moment. I thought of him often, never wanting to forget my heart-beating moments. I didn't think of them as human moments anymore. My heart may not have beat anymore, but that didn't mean I couldn't think, feel and change internally with the ebb and flow of life. My status didn't preclude me from being "human".

Squeals of joy brought me out of my reflective mood. I had a lot of that going on today. I smiled as I looked away from the heavens and to Cheyenne. She was hanging over her daddy's shoulder before he grabbed her and flipped her over onto his lap. My stomach lifted into my throat in fear at the sudden movement, but she continued to giggle with him. Those were feelings that walked hand and hand with motherhood. No matter how old my little darling aged, I would always worry and want to protect her.

"Mama!" she squeaked. "Come save me from d-daddy." Her blonde curls were coming out of her ponytail as Jasper continued to blow into her neck and his fingers tickled her tummy. Her little summer dress was flapping as she kicked her legs wildly. The sight of my beautiful family constricted my heart.

Life had been _difficult_ . . . Life had been _unexpected_ . . . Life had been _full of love_ . . . Life had been _full of disappointment_ . . . Life had been _full of sadness_ . . . Life had been _full of memories_ . . . Life had been _full of pains_ . . . Life had been _full of laughter_ . . . Life had been _full of beauty_ . . .

My life . . . well, that life had been full of all the above and everything gloriously in between.

_Breathe, Bella_, I reminded myself, silently_; keep breathing in the little moments__._

_Their Glorious Beginning . . ._

* * *

Author's Notes: And that, my loves, concludes "Loved for the Better". How did you like that little part with Charlie? Like I wrote, I dreamt that part even before I started writing this story. I knew the end before I even thought to write "Changed" and "Loved" . . . LOL. The dream was Charlie watching Bella, Cheye and Jasper in a field. Cheye was jumping around in the back of the red truck, Bella was watching her daughter with so much love in a white flowing sundress, and Jasper was about to catch Cheyenne. The sky was an endless blue and Charlie was crying. I can still recall that dream with perfect clarity (something, huh?)

Anyway . . .

It's difficult for me to contemplate that it's over. So much as been put into this and "Changed for the Better", and I never imaged it going for this long . . . LOL. It took on an entire life of its own that I was helpless to stop . . . and goodness, what a glorious ride it has been for me. I know it is just a story, and many are added every day, but this was my baby, something that gave me a release in times of trial, trouble when I had writer's block, fear when the character got randy (those pesky lemons . . . LOL), and so much laughter (thanks, Emm). It's such a magnificent journey, and to those who contemplate writing their own stories, I would encourage you. There will always be fear and bouts of uncertainty, but the end result is invigorating.

Thank you to all those who have helped me with this story! I cannot express with words how much your assistance has been appreciated! You may not think it, but yourself has also been left in this journey and it's only made it better, enhanced it in so many ways!

Thanks to those who have alerted/favorite or added me to a C2. You may not think it much, but everyone touched me. It told me you wanted to follow this story and share it with others – that is an amazing compliment! Your vote of confidence was wonderful!

To those who have reviewed (especially from the very beginning of both stories) – goodness. Like Bella confesses, my heart overflows! Again, words fail me in the emotions I would like express! Many times I have been nervous and uncertain in posting a chapter. When that fear was enough to stop me, your words and encouragements pulled me through. How does one say thank you for that . . .? It has been such a joy and a privilege to have your support. Thank you, from the very bottom to the top of my little writer's heart! I love you all (even when you were mad at Bella, Jasper, Alice, or myself . . . LOL).

All I ever envisioned when writing the story was you (the readers) feeling the emotions, connecting with the characters, and escaping your own world for a time. I hope that was accomplished, even a little! No matter what emotion may have been felt, I hope there was some connection to the story!

Again, thanks to everyone! I love you all! And until next time . . . much love sent your way!

PS. The chapter I talked about in the previous one will be posted as an outtake. It isn't really a chapter, but something that just came to me.

_Posted: Wednesday, 9 November 2011_


	42. Outtake

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended. Again, this is just a little something I wrote before the epilogue. It doesn't progress the story at all. It was just some of Bella's thoughts written in the form of letters. Anyhow, hope you enjoy them. It's nothing special.

**Outtake: One**

Notes from Bella to various family members

. . .

_Rosalie, Rosie, friend, comforter, sister_ . . .

What could I ever write to you that could never be felt through our relationship?

I love you, sister; then, now, and into every eternity. My not being there with you, could never take away the validity of those words.

What could I ever give you that could show my endless love for you? My daughter, and the trust you'd do so right by her.

And I give you that trust, darling. If anything were to ever happen to me, or things didn't go as planned, I'd want you for Cheyenne's mother. She could ask for no better. The example you'd be able to provide her with would be more than substantial. Kiss her chubby cheeks for me often, run your fingers through her blonde wisps, watch her as she slept, feel her heart as it beats in her little chest, and love her unconditionally. I know I never need ask that of you, that wish is already fulfilled.

The number one thing I ever wanted for my little darling was for her life to be filled with love and a knowledge that she was wanted. I know you'll give all that to her and more. Just don't cave into her every whim, _please_! Love her, but keep her grounded and thankful.

As for Jasper . . . tears come to my eyes even thinking about what he would try to do without me. It scares me to think such thoughts, Rosie. Please, please, _please_, sister, make him live; if not for himself than for our daughter. He doesn't think he could ever survive without me, but he's undeniably wrong. Jasper has been through so much upheaval and turmoil in his life. Yes, some of things he has done were wrong and downright scary, but it was the only life he knew. From that broken and depressed vampire, grew a strong and courageous man. You and he have that in common, you know: such resilience in the face of adversity. If I could ever emulate such strength, I'd be set for life (*smiles lovingly at you*).

Watch over him, sister. I don't care if you had to restrain him twenty-four hours a day, seven days a weeks; please don't let him harm himself. Push Cheyenne into his arms and make him hold her if that's what it takes. But, make him survive. I need to know that he is still there, watching out for our daughter, the piece of me that is still with you. I know it's unfair of me to make such a request and to demand such a thing from you, but I need someone to look after my beautiful vampire. He is my life, and I loved him from the moment my eyes sought out his.

_And Rosalie_ . . .

I know you've struggled with what happened to you and the lasting scars they left on your fragile soul, (yes, darling, I see its fragility, and don't let that scare you) but all I ever saw was your strength. It pervaded everything, even the solid wall you built out of protection. I could never fault you for such an action; I did the very same thing after the incident with my step-father, but that is neither here nor there.

I want to tell you of the sublime beauty I witness when I look into your golden eyes. It isn't the color of diluted animal blood staring back at me sister, but the shining of your soul. It radiates from you so brightly, Rosie, that even those solid walls couldn't dim that light. Look in the mirror, sister, remove everything that you hide behind, and you'll witness the very being I have come to love. The strength you show comes from that beauty. It isn't the physical I write of, but the shimmering countenance inside your unchanging body. You may never age and physically change, but I know your soul becomes stronger with each challenge and hardship you traverse. You've been through much, sister, that's why your spirit is one of fortitude and distinction.

Never let anyone tell you differently. I know we all have our faults, and being a vampire cannot take those flaws away, but remember to focus on those that make you so magnificent. Remember my love and adoration for you. If I'm never there to tell you in person, remember my heart had also beat for you, Rosalie. From the first moment you touched my stomach to the last time our hands touched, I only knew love for you. And no matter where I may be, that love will always linger in your heart and on your soul.

Take care of my little baby, Rosie, and I guess Cheyenne, too. LOL. Don't let Jasper see this part, I would just want to kiss that pouty mouth of his. But, to be serious, take care of my family: love them and cherish them. Tell them of my love, continually.

Well, this letter is already long enough. Like I already wrote, no words could ever state what we felt for each other. Ours is a friendship that will last longer than Earth and through any existence I may now reside in. Time is a manmade concept and has no bearing on our sisterhood. I love you tender, my Rosie.

Then, now, and into every eternity.

Always feel the part of my soul I left with you, darling, and every now and then, look up to me and smile. I'll be there . . . always.

With so much love that my heart overflows

- Bella

PS. Try not to smack Emmett in the head too many times. He's a big softy at heart, no matter how perverted his mind may be . . . LOL. I love you both!

. . .

_Edward, my friend_ –

Allow me to provide you with another prospective. You may be a vampire, Edward, but you are still a form of the human species. Answer me this, what makes an individual different from everyone else? Is it our bodies, our minds, our hearts, or our very existence on earth? I see these things as making us different, but our souls are what make us truly unique. A soul is a beautiful and mysterious thing, Edward. I don't profess to truly understand it, but I do believe your soul still resides in your body. What gives you the ability to think, what gives you the ability to use the mind our bodies are equipped with? What allows our hands to move and our fingers to grasp? What allows our knees to bend and our lips to kiss? Yes, our minds send out the signal to move said body parts, but what makes the mind think such a thing? I'm different from you as you are different from Carlisle. Jasper is different from Emmett as my father was different from my mother. I know this may not make any sense to you, Edward, but it is what I truly believe. I know your soul still resides in you. It is a moving and attached part of your undead body. Your heart may not beat anymore, but that doesn't mean your soul doesn't still flourish within your body.

I cannot think of anything else to write to you. I think of the neglect and solitude your soul as lived in. I know it hasn't been done on purpose. Perhaps you truly believe you don't have one, and that is your purgative. However, I plead with you to think long and hard about such a concept, Edward. Sit in contemplation and reach into your body and connect with the spirit that is yearning to be freed from the perpetual darkness. I don't think you a monster. It isn't my place to tell you such a thing, but I still wanted to. I never blamed you for what happened when we first "met". We are all beholden to our bodies and the desires we feel, but it is how we act on those desires that set us apart. You've amazed me, Edward, not only with your beguiling musical abilities, but with the restraint and fortitude you show around me. It has been a pleasure to know you, and I mean that with every fiber of my being.

I know that when Jasper finally changes me, my soul will remain with me. It is a simple belief I feel deeply within. I now promise, I'm finished preaching to the choir. If we never meet again, Edward, please take care of yourself. Allow that beautiful part you keep hidden from everyone else to flourish. Don't be afraid to reach out of your comfort zone and experience. Falling in love with Jasper was the greatest drop of my life. I cherished each moment I spent with him. I may not have always been perfect and failed at many things, but my love for him only grew with time and nourishment. My soul touched his and found the blessed eternal sunshine.

Please, watch out for Cheyenne for me. She loves you, Edward, no matter how much of a distance you may keep from her. Allow her little innocent love to touch you. It's all I could ever ask of you. Take care, my friend, and know you are alive, regardless if your heart beats or not.

- Bella, your constant provocation. ;)

. . .

Carlisle, the always compassionate father and Esme, the quintessential mother –

Goodness, words fail me completely when writing this to you. Goodbyes are never easy and reaching closure at best. There is always so much one wants to say and relate, but when it actually comes down to zero hour, the mind becomes blank. Why do you think that is Papa C? Perhaps that could be a future research project of yours (just kidding).

There are always the most essential and heart-provoking things to write, thank you for everything, I love you both very much, and please take care of my Jasper and Cheyenne. I write all these things to you sincerely and more. They are always the first thoughts in my mind.

I'd never know how I got so lucky so long ago. Your son found a little girl, lost and alone and became her phantom angel. Jasper spoke of his hurt and anger that night. He regretted keeping both of you at arms' length, never allowing you the opportunity to love him fully. He spoke of your compassion, Carlisle. He didn't know it, but his beautiful, sad face lit up when he spoke of you. And, Esme, don't be alarmed. Your darling son also spoke of you. His voice became soft as if speaking about something that was most reverent. He told me of your beauty and kindness. I envied him when he spoke of you, Esme. Even though Jasper didn't allow you to love him, he felt it, and no matter how much he tried to fight that love, it had already seeped into his weeping soul. You were always his parents, and he was always meant to be your son!

Please, please, please, always love him. Don't allow him to pull away from you again. Make him love and make him live. This may be asking the impossible, but I know you can both do it. Jasper loves you so much, as do I. You have given us the most wonderful example of a timeless couple, an enduring love. It is the model I have tried to base my relationship on. I've failed him in many ways, but my love for him was there, beating in my heart for the both of us. I need you to know this and make sure Jasper realizes that. It's really the only thing I could ever ask of you both, except to watch over my little darling. I could have never asked for a better set of "grandparents" for her than you.

I'm sorry for any pain I may have caused your family! It was never my intention and it always pulled at my soul when I was the cause of any upheaval. I was ever so grateful to be considered a Cullen. What a marvelous bunch you are, not because you are all "special" and have other traits some of us don't, but because of how you each love. It has been sublime to watch and be a part of that love!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart! I love you both, always! Take care of my Jasper and Cheye. I leave them with you along with all the love I have to give!

Your daughter

- Bella

. . .

Emmett , my brother and torturer,

It's been a pleasure kicking your ass . . . LOL. But to be truly honest, you've given me the gift of laughter and sunshine. When I only wanted to breakdown and curse the unfairness of my life at times, you seemed to see that inside me. Instead of allowing me to have a self-pity party, you challenged and provoked me. I may not have always been receptive to you, but I always appreciated your need to make me laugh.

You are the big brother I always wanted and that every girl deserves . . . sans the many dirty innuendos. I don't leave you with any of my tears, but the many laughs you provided me with. Continue making people smile, brother. It is your calling and beautiful gift in your eternity. Make sure to lay off Edward a little, brother. And don't groan . . . save that for the bedroom with your gorgeous wife (*wink*).

Also, please look out for Cheyenne and Jasper. I know they will be sad, but make them laugh, Emm. Pull them away from the gloom and into your sunshine. I could never ask you for anything more! I love you, Emm, and I was blessed for a while to have you as my brother.

Love Rosie and cherish her always . . . she is so amazing; she doesn't even know her true worth. I love you both.

Listen for my laughs, Emm, for I shall be watching you always

- Bella

. . .

Jasper –

Words fail me utterly as I think of what to write you. This letter has the potential to have the last words I could ever say to you. How does one overcome the fear of saying everything they want, and being afraid something would be missed? As you can read, it is very daunting task for me, and one I don't take lightly. My love for you would never allow me to take such a thing lightly.

So let me tell you a few things, shall I?

I have often, in my accident prone life, thought about it all ending. I would ponder about what would happen after I passed and what would become of me after. It is truly scary to think of never existing after this fragile and quick life is over. Some people believe in a higher power, while others think this is all we have and thus must make the most of our time given. I've never been a wholly religious person, but I am prone to think there is something out there, something that watches over us. The stars are always there, but eventually they all burn out. I like to believe that there is something or someone who is all love and merciful.

I've contemplated my struggles and hardships that I endured. And even with everything I've lived through, I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's. It is so true, that saying about someone always having it worse than 'you'. I wish everyone had a wonderful life and only good things would touch a person's existence. But then I realized, without the bad, how would one ever know the good? Without the bad, how would one ever appreciate the good? Without the bad, how would one ever grow into a better person and learn their limitations. Yes, I wish everyone's life was shrouded in peace and magnificence, but that isn't real life and it isn't feasible. Perhaps one day, every person will set aside their hatred and Ill-will. Every person will learn that nothing good comes from such hatred and learn to love their neighbor. But until that time comes, I've learned that even though I struggle and my life may seem impossible at times, I'm richly blessed.

I've learned, my love, that it is the small moments one must live for. Many, including myself, have waited for the next grand adventure in life to begin, and missed out on all the little moments that brought us to the next big thing. I don't want to be that person, Jasper. I want to savor the soft summer breeze wafting across my skin, the sun as it sets for the day, giving way to the splendor of the night, my daughters baby blues as they sparkle with giggles, your lips as they glide over my neck, Emmett's crass innuendos, Edward's internal debates, Carlisle and Esme's enduring love, Rosie's fallen walls, and even Alice's shopping addiction.

Your amazing love has taught me that. You see, my vampire, I imagined our love was like a whirl wind, fierce and strong in its passion. It came without warning and swept up my heart with everything else in its path. Would I change anything about our love? Never, Jasper, because if you change one thing about our relationship, something essential is lost. I longed for you in those years of separation, but I instinctively knew it was only for a time. That knowledge may have been hidden at times, but I believed my soul always knew, my love.

Would I have loved to skip the whole cancer thing, of course, but it is one more thing that brought us together. I may have lied to you, Jasper, and I may have snapped at you unfairly, but I never meant to hurt any part of you. I've only wanted nothing but happiness and fulfillment in your path. It may be an unattainable goal, but it is still utterly beautiful to me, like you! I mourn for the pain and helplessness, I caused you, my love, but I joy in the closeness that was shared by our finally coming together.

There are many things I could write and many things my heart begs me to tell you, but I feel you already know the most important truths. Firstly, I love you with everything that is in me; that includes every part that loves Cheyenne. She is your daughter, Jasper, and that is a magnificent joy I share with you!

Secondly, you were always enough for me. I may not have fulfilled that role for you, but I never wanted for anything in regards to you. Our bodies shared a passion unmatched by anything I've ever experienced. Our hearts shared a beat that didn't only reside in me, but in our every touch. Our lips shared a taste that is utterly unique to the sense. Our lives shared a common path, look back and see our footprints always beside the others.

Thirdly, our souls truly touched, my love. I have no explanation for this, nor would I ever want one. It was beautiful in its mysterious shroud. Not everything needs to be defined, and our souls refused to be labeled. Every time we touched your loving warmth flooded me, Jasper. And each time I would marvel at the connection and thank the heavens for such a sublime gift. You also share that gift with our daughter. If we never touch again, Jasper, know that I left the best part of me behind and feel that warmth from our daughter. She is the greatest thing I ever did, besides loving you.

Lastly, but never complete, thank you for saving my life in every aspect of the concept. As a little girl, you rescued me from the harshness of the desert and anything that could have harmed me. And then, once again you miraculous came into my life, not on your white horse, but in your fabulous car . . . LOL. I opened my eyes, scared, in a dreary hospital, and saw that person from so long ago. He was unchanged physically, but the sadness that lingered in his dark eyes that night was gone. It was like nothing yet everything had changed. In the depths of my desolation, Jasper, you shined your eternally bright soul on my dark path. I was incredibly lonely and frightened, but you didn't allow that for long. Our lives once again converged and our souls rejoiced at the reunion.

Everything hasn't been smiles and shy looks, but that okay. It would have been boring otherwise . . . LOL. I like to believe that we weathered our storms together, my love, and came out even stronger than before. Yes, fate tried to up heave our path, but with a love as strong as ours, I'm not sure that's possible.

Even if I didn't exist in this plane, Jasper, I would love you. Nothing could ever take that away, how could they; it was always yours. Everything inside me always bled for you, my love. I never want you to forget that truth, Jasper. I'm always with you. All you have to do is look up and tell me your truths. I'll hear them, Jasper. I hear everything!

I give everything to you, my love. Always, always, always live and love for me. Don't stop living because of me. Live for me in spite of everything.

Tell our daughter she was my most cherished accomplishment. I want her to love and know I'm watching her. I may not be there to kiss her face, laugh at her jokes, brush her hair behind her ears, or give her motherly advice, but I'll watch every step she ever takes in her life and be proud.

Remember, Jasper, with everything inside me, I loved you and Cheyenne. We shared a love that is unsurpassed by any; our very souls knew that truth. I'll go now, but I'll never be terribly far from you. Every soft breeze you feel is my soul caressing your skin. I already asked the wind to touch you often, Jasper and it agreed.

Take care, my love. And with so much love that I cannot contain it inside me, I cherish you!

My cup spillith over!

Simply Yours

- Bella (reluctantly . . . LOL . . . angel)

* * *

Author's Notes: I just wanted to thank everyone who left me a review for the last chapter (epilogue) of this story! They were so amazing and I love you all. Thank you for touching my heart deeply! Also, thanks to those who continue to add to their favorites! If you have the time, I'd love to know what you think; everything is welcome. Even for previous chapters! I never tire of reading what you may thing (be that good or bad).

Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving (those who celebrate it). Much love to everyone!

_Posted: Monday 28 November 2011_


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